Overprotection

Consultation for parents

Overprotection

HYPEROPECA

One of the most significant problems of modern (and not only modern) Russian society is often called infantilism. This is especially true for the generation whose childhood passed in the 90s - the devastation and disorganization of society gave rise to passivity and fatalism. Historical conditions, of course, are of great importance, but the type of upbringing in the family plays a much more serious role. One of the factors in the emergence of infantile, insecure people, unable to make decisions and bear responsibility is parental overprotection in childhood. Hyperprotection, or hyperprotection, is excessive care for a child, a type of upbringing, a type of parent-child relationship in which the child is given a minimum of independence, but maximum control is exercised. Traditionally, there are two types of hyperprotection: condoning and dominant.

Dominant hyperprotection

This is a parenting style in which the child, one might say, is deprived of his own will. Dominant hyperprotection plays a major role in the formation of infantile, complex personalities. This type of overprotection is characterized by restriction of the child’s sphere of activity, constant imposition of prohibitions, and restriction of independence. Every movement of the child is controlled, every little thing is surrounded by rules, and all this is serious psychological pressure, and not every child can withstand it. With dominant overprotection, the child’s abilities and skills are underestimated for the purposes of “security” and control. As a result, the child really turns out to be unable to perform sometimes elementary tasks for his age, since he grows up in the belief that he is “still small” and “will do the wrong thing.” Due to a lack of independence, the child’s need for respect and self-esteem is not realized. Dominant hyperprotection correlates with an authoritarian style in education. The parent is often an unquestioned authority; his will is the law. Overprotection is also characterized by the so-called psychological symbiosis. These are the cases when a complete psychological merging of the child and the parent occurs. The child is completely protected from possible difficulties, the parent constantly worries about him, sometimes this takes on unhealthy, obsessive forms. Children literally live the lives of their parents, often speak in the phrases of their mother or father, and express their judgments about the world. Parents of this type often say that “childhood is the best time,” that the best and most comfortable time is in the family, but there are dangers all around. For example, such mothers even physically tie the child to themselves - for example, by arranging farewell and meeting rituals with kisses and hugs, although from the outside it may be noticeable that the child does not really like such excessive caresses and that he would be glad to get rid of them. As a result, such a child becomes timid, fearful, dependent, his communication abilities are undeveloped, and sometimes regression in the cognitive sphere is noticeable, since to ensure symbiosis with his parents no serious mental effort is required, only affection and obedience are needed.

Excessive guardianship, petty control over every step, every minute, every thought grows into a whole system of constant prohibitions and vigilant monitoring of a teenager, sometimes reaching shameful surveillance. For example, a 16-year-old teenager was followed daily by his grandmother, stealthily, from home to school, then waited at the entrance opposite the school for classes to end and also secretly accompanied him home, finding out who he was going with, whether he smoked on the way, does he go where, etc. One mother stood under the door of the restroom when her 14-year-old son walked there, eavesdropping on whether he was masturbating there. Continuous prohibitions, the inability to ever make his own decisions confuse the teenager, giving him the impression that “everything is not allowed” for him, but “everything is possible” for his peers. Overprotection does not provide the opportunity to learn from an early age from personal experience how to use freedom wisely and does not teach independence. Moreover, it suppresses the sense of responsibility and duty, because if everything is decided for a teenager and everything is pointed out to him, then he comes to the conviction that he himself may not be responsible for anything.

In hyperthymic adolescents, even in early or middle adolescence (12-13 or 14-15 years), hyperprotection leads to a sharp increase in the emancipation reaction. Parents react to the emancipatory aspirations of the teenager under their care in an adequate, from their point of view, way - they demand obedience even more harshly, punish more severely, strengthen control even more, and try to isolate him from his peers. All this only has the opposite effect - it strengthens the emancipation reaction. As a result, a vicious circle is created: the teenager becomes more and more disobedient, and the parents strive more and more to subordinate him to their leadership. At some point, having felt maturity, such teenagers rebel against “oppression”, immediately completely break all parental prohibitions and rush to where, from their point of view, “everything is possible”, i.e. to an asocial street company. This also affects the teenage reaction of grouping and other weak points of hyperthyms - the love of novelty, of entertainment, the ease with which one oversteps, sometimes simply visible, the line of what is permitted, the illegibility of contacts, the attractiveness of risk. Alcoholization and familiarity with other intoxicating drugs significantly promote psychopathic development of the hyperthymic-unstable type.

Dmitry A, 15 years old. The father left the family when his son was 11 years old. Lives with his mother, grandfather and grandmother. The latter are distinguished by rigidity, viscosity, from childhood they strictly watched their grandson, did not allow him to play “with just anyone”, first carefully found out who the parents were, often did not let him leave the house, sharply limited him in outdoor games, demanded silence at home, did not allow his comrades to see him at school.

Development in childhood without features. He had a lively disposition, but there were no significant behavioral violations. I studied quite satisfactorily. At the age of 12-13 I felt like an adult, the petty supervision and constant boring lectures of my grandfather and grandmother became unbearable, I wanted “freedom”. I tried to play sports, but soon got tired of it and ended up in the company of antisocial teenagers. He began to run away from home, encouraging his comrades to escape. They were hiding in an empty dacha, enjoying their “free life.” Started drinking. He is drawn to wine, when drunk, “in a very good mood,” “there is nowhere to put his strength,” and he easily gets into fights. In recent months, he drinks a bottle of wine or 200-300 g of vodka at a time. Due to running away, drinking and fighting at the ages of 13 and 14, his family twice placed him in a children's psychiatric hospital. Remained for the second year in 7th grade. I went to work, but even there I started playing truant. At the age of 14 he had sexual intercourse with a 17-year-old girl, then he left her and started a relationship with another.

Again, at the insistence of his relatives, he was placed in a teenage psychiatric clinic. Here he hangs out among antisocial teenagers and claims to be a leader among them. He secretly begged cyclodol from other patients, saved it, and planned to take large doses with two friends in order to induce hallucinations. He admitted that he used to swallow various pills “just for fun” with his friends. I had very superficial knowledge about the dangers of drugs. He is full of unrealistic optimistic plans for the future - he is sure that he will easily be transferred to a job that is more tempting for him, that he will graduate from evening school and enter a very prestigious institute.

Physical development with acceleration - appearance and sexual development correspond to the age of 16-17 years. Neurological examination and EEG showed no abnormalities.

Survey using PDO. According to the objective assessment scale, a pronounced hyperthymic type with a high index of instability was diagnosed. There is an indication of the possibility of the formation of hyperthymic-unstable type psychopathy. Conformity is average, emancipation reaction is moderate. A psychological tendency towards delinquency and a pronounced tendency towards alcoholism were discovered.

According to the subjective assessment scale, self-esteem is correct: hyperthymic and unstable features are sharply highlighted, sensitive and epileptoid features are rejected.

Diagnosis. Psychopathic development of the hyperthymic-unstable type.

Follow-up after 1 year. He got a job, but he skipped work and drank. He was convicted of participating in a group fight.

For adolescents with psychasthenic, sensitive and asthenoneurotic accentuation, dominant hyperprotection has a completely different effect - it increases lack of independence, self-doubt, indecision, and inability to stand up for oneself and one’s business. But here, such upbringing in cases of character accentuations in adolescence usually does not lead to psychopathic development. The greatest difficulties arise for them when they become adults, when life begins to demand independence from them.

Text of the book “Psychology of Children with Behavior Disorders”

Chapter 8

The relationship between child behavior disorders and family parenting styles

The family, as one of the most important factors of socialization, has a significant impact on the formation of the direction of the child’s behavior, which depends on the characteristics and levels of intrafamily relationships.

Level I. System of interpersonal relations.

The basis of this level consists mainly of various dyadic and triadic relationships.

Level II. System of intra-family interaction.

It is more complex and includes marital relationships (between parents as spouses), parent-parent relationships (between father and mother as parents), parent-child relationships (parents to children), child-parent relationships (children to parents) and child-child relationships (between children).

Moreover (and this is shown in Diagram 2) behavioral disorders in children can arise as a result of its direct and indirect influence - through the formation of negative emotional states in the child.

Scheme 2
Interrelation of the system of intrafamily relations and behavioral disorders in children
At the same time, the research of I.A. Furmanov show that many behavioral disorders arise and are determined not so much by the shortcomings of the actually existing system and style of family education of a child, but by the peculiarities of the child’s perception and interpretation of certain actions of the parent. Only when the parent’s influences are assessed by the child as an obstacle to the satisfaction of current needs will behavior disorders arise as a reaction of resistance or struggle to maintain self-identity.

Criteria for assessing parenting style in a family

1. Level of protection in the process of education.

This refers to how much effort, attention and time parents devote to raising a child. Two levels can be noted:

hyperprotection

, when parents devote a lot of time, effort and attention to the child, education has become the central concern of their lives;

hypoprotection

, a situation in the family in which the child finds himself on the periphery of the parents’ attention, the parents have no time for him. The child often disappears from their sight. They take it on only from time to time, when something serious happens.

2. The degree to which the child’s needs are met.

Here we mean the degree to which the child’s needs are met, i.e. to what extent the parents’ activities are aimed at satisfying both material and everyday needs (food, clothing, entertainment) and spiritual ones - primarily in communication with parents, in their love and attention , the needs of the child. This feature of family upbringing is fundamentally different from the level of protection, since it characterizes not the extent to which parents are involved in raising a child, but the degree to which his needs are met. The so-called “Spartan upbringing” is an example of a high level of protection, since the parent does a lot of upbringing, and a low level of meeting the child’s needs.

Two levels can also be noted.

Indulgence.

Indulgence is spoken of in cases where parents strive for the maximum and uncritical satisfaction of any child’s needs. They spoil him. Any of his wishes is law for them.

Ignoring

. This criterion is the opposite of the previous one and is characterized by the parent’s insufficient desire to meet the child’s needs. More often, spiritual needs suffer, especially the need for emotional contact and communication with a parent.

3. The quantity and quality of requirements for a child in the family.

A parent’s demands on a child are an integral part of upbringing. At the same time, there are requirements-obligations that prescribe what a child should do in the family, and requirements-prohibitions that prescribe what a child should not do in the family. And finally, fulfillment or non-fulfillment of requirements is followed by sanctions: encouragement or punishment. In this regard, they distinguish:

excessive demands-responsibilities

. The demands on the child in this case are very great, excessive, do not correspond to his capabilities and not only do not contribute to the full development of his personality, but, on the contrary, pose a risk of psychotraumatization;

insufficiency of the child's requirements-responsibilities

. In this case, the child has a minimum number of responsibilities in the family. This feature of upbringing is manifested in the statements of parents about how difficult it is to involve the child in any task around the house;

excessive demands-prohibitions

. In this situation, the child “cannot do everything.” He is presented with a huge number of demands that limit his freedom and independence;

insufficiency of requirements-prohibitions

. In this case, the child “can do anything.” Even if there are some prohibitions, the child easily breaks them, knowing that no one will ask him. He himself determines the time of returning home in the evening, his circle of friends, the question of smoking and drinking alcohol. He doesn't answer to his parents for anything. At the same time, parents do not want or cannot establish any boundaries in his behavior. This upbringing stimulates the development of hyperthymic and unstable character types;

excessive sanctions.

These parents are characterized by a commitment to the use of strict punishments, an excessive response to even minor behavioral violations;

minimum sanctions.

Parents either prefer to avoid punishment altogether or use it extremely rarely. They rely on rewards and doubt the effectiveness of any punishment.

Family parenting styles and behavioral disorders in children

Based on various combinations of the above criteria, a whole range of parental educational strategies that provoke behavioral disorders in children can be described.

Authoritarian hyperprotection.

With this style of family education, parents devote a lot of time and attention to the teenager, but do not provide him with emotional support, ignore his needs in communicating with his parents, and often use punishment as the main method of education.

Dominant hyperprotection.

The style is notable for the fact that the child is the center of attention of the parents, who strive to maximally satisfy his needs. Along with this, exorbitant demands are placed on him, which often do not correspond to his real capabilities. Failure to comply will result in very strict sanctions. Manifestation of petty care, strict control over behavior, excessive imposition of parental will deprives the child of independence, initiative, sense of responsibility and duty.

Demanding hyperprotection.

Parents devote a lot of time, effort and attention to the child, but at the same time they place extremely high demands on him, often not corresponding to real capabilities. Unbearable worries and responsibilities are transferred to the child, which leads to the formation of neurotic symptoms in children.

Limiting hyperprotection.

Parents devote a lot of time, effort and attention to the child, but at the same time they place extremely high demands on him, often not corresponding to real capabilities. Unbearable worries and “unchildish” responsibilities are shifted onto the child, threatening the child with neurotic breakdowns.

The difference between the last two styles is the degree of independence of the child. In the first case, the child is given the opportunity to choose his own methods of behavior, but in the second - not, i.e., with a huge number of demands, the freedom to make decisions and choose actions is significantly limited. It should be noted that with such approaches to education, a child can develop not only aggressiveness, but also emancipation reactions, which manifest themselves in open disobedience, rudeness, and disregard for conventional norms.

Condescending hyperprotection.

Children are under vigilant, tireless supervision and excessive imposition of parental will in everything: in the choice of clothes, entertainment items, friends. Children are subject to high demands and numerous prohibitions, which significantly limit freedom and independence. With such upbringing, the child becomes indecisive, lacking initiative, fearful, and unsure of his abilities. The dominant emotion is resentment towards others for the fact that “everything is allowed” to others, and, as a consequence of this, a rebellion against parental dominance, a desire for confrontation with other people.

Pandering Overprotection

is characterized by the close attention of parents to the issues of upbringing and meeting the needs of the child, in which the child acts as a “family idol”. Parents do not so much control as they overly patronize, trying to free the child from the slightest difficulties, from boring, unpleasant responsibilities, they constantly admire imaginary talents and exaggerate his actual abilities.

Pandering hypoprotection.

This style of family education is distinguished by the lack of attention of parents to children and their preoccupation with solving their own problems. In these families, the practice of “appeasing” children by maximizing and uncritically satisfying their material, household and other needs is widespread.

Hidden hypoprotection.

This style is typical for families where parents are too busy with their own affairs and do not pay enough attention to their children. The requirements for them are quite high, sometimes higher than their real capabilities. At the same time, the child’s fulfillment of his responsibilities in the family is formal, since he is not in any way controlled by the parents.

Hypoprotection with cruel treatment.

With this style of family education, the child is on the periphery of the parents' attention; he comes to the attention of the parents only when something serious happens. Just as in the first case, parents do not show any desire to satisfy the teenager’s needs and are characterized by an overly strict response to behavioral violations.

Hidden hypoprotection with cruel treatment

It is distinguished by the complete withdrawal of parents from solving problems of upbringing, an indifferent and indifferent attitude towards the needs of the child, his interests and needs, and emotional coldness. The style of interaction with a child is based only on imposing exorbitant demands on him and severe punishments for failure to fulfill duties, disobedience and disobedience. This upbringing, based on the lack of sympathy and love for the child, like “Cinderella,” not only strengthens the emancipation reaction, but also causes acute affective reactions of the extrapunitive type: characterized by open manifestation of aggression, expression of anger and irritability.

Severe hypoprotection.

The child is left to his own devices. Parents have no interest in raising their child and no desire to involve him in family affairs. At the same time, parents are characterized by an excessive reaction to minor behavioral violations (commitment to the use of strict punishments).

Cruel hypoprotection

typical for families with complete detachment of parents from the process of raising a child. For the slightest offense or disobedience, the child is severely punished. In the family there is an atmosphere of despotism and tyranny on the part of the parents. As a result, children may develop cruelty and embitterment.

Emotional rejection.

This style of parenting is characterized by emotional rejection of the child, indifference and coldness on the part of the parents when the child feels that they are being burdened. In this case, two models of education are possible:

a) the child is subject to certain requirements; freedom and independence are limited by a strict system of prohibitions and restrictions, the violation of which is strictly punished. This situation contributes to neuroticism, excessive sensitivity to frustration, anger in children, and can also lead to character accentuations;

b) permissiveness prevails, a child can do anything. If there are any prohibitions in the family, he easily breaks them. The child is given complete freedom to determine his own rules of life, choice of friends, and passions.

Increased moral responsibility.

Characteristic is a combination of high demands on the child with reduced attention to him from the parents and minimal care for him. It occurs in families where there is an atmosphere of emotional indifference and permissiveness, but at the same time, parents expect and demand much greater results from the teenager than he can realistically achieve. This approach to child rearing is also coupled with parents' commitment to severe punishment for even minor behavior violations. As a result, the teenager develops a persistent reaction of opposition, which manifests itself in categorical refusals to carry out any instructions, to do something he doesn’t like, deliberate rudeness, and disobedience. Slowly accumulating resentment often manifests itself in thoughtful, pre-planned actions aimed at taking revenge on the “offenders”: children can spoil their parents’ things, write obscene words on the walls, engage in slander, etc.

Demanding appeal.

This style of education is characterized by insufficient desire of parents to meet the needs of the teenager in the material, everyday and spiritual spheres. At the same time, exorbitantly high demands are placed on the child, often not corresponding to his real capabilities. Unsatisfied needs, especially for emotional contact, love and attention, and inadequately high demands on the child disrupt the full course of his development and pose a risk of psychotraumatization.

Harsh treatment.

A distinctive feature of this style is the complete restriction of the child’s freedom and independence (the “everything is impossible” situation). In such a situation, adolescents experience an emancipation reaction, i.e., a strong need for liberation from the control and guardianship of parents in order to gain self-affirmation and independence, and therefore, adolescents, while satisfying these needs, show disobedience, ignore the opinions and orders of adults, and strive for independent lifestyle, sabotage existing orders and traditions.

Cruel treatment.

The entire method of education is based only on a system of punishment, often corporal.

The relationship between family parenting style and behavioral disorders is reflected in more detail in Table. 6. According to the affective-dynamic theory, this connection can be:

– immediate, arising as a result of the “direct” influence of family education style, when behavioral disorders are the child’s reaction to a situation of deprivation or frustration;

– indirect, arising as a result of long-term influence of family education style, when behavioral disorders are a consequence of a crisis situation in the family, stable negative emotional states of the child: neuroticism, psychoticism, depression or mental imbalance syndrome (in the table these behavioral disorders are marked “o”).

Table 6

Legend:

OA – general aggressiveness, ADN – destructive aggression, AAN – antisocial aggression, FA – physical aggression, VA – verbal aggression, KA – indirect aggression, N – negativism.

Concomitant factors of family education and behavior disorders

Instability of parenting style.

A sharp change in style and methods of education - from a very strict style to a liberal one, and then vice versa - often determines the child’s behavior and the instability of emotional relationships in the family. The instability of the parenting style contributes to the formation in the child of such character traits as stubbornness and a tendency to oppose himself to any authority.

Expanding the sphere of parental feelings.

Usually this phenomenon is observed with such violations of upbringing as indulgent or dominant protection. This source of “misunderstandings” in upbringing arises most often when marital relations between parents are disrupted for some reason: one of the spouses is missing (death, divorce) or the relationship with him does not satisfy the parent who plays the main role in upbringing (inconsistency characters, emotional coldness, etc.). Often, a mother, or less often a father, without clearly realizing it themselves, want the child, and later the teenager, to become for them something more than just a child. Parents want the child to satisfy at least part of the needs that in an ordinary family must be satisfied in the psychological relationship of spouses - the need for mutual exclusive affection, partly erotic needs. The mother often refuses the possibility of remarriage. There is a desire to give the child – often of the opposite sex – “all the feelings”, “all the love”. In childhood, an erotic attitude towards parents is stimulated - jealousy, childhood love. When a child reaches puberty, the parent develops a fear of the teenager's independence. There is a desire to keep it with the help of indulgent or dominant hyperprotection. The desire to expand the sphere of parental feelings by including erotic needs in the relationship between mother and child, as a rule, is not realized by her. This psychological attitude is manifested indirectly, in particular, in statements that she does not need anyone except her son, and in the characteristic contrast of her own idealized relationship with her son, which does not satisfy her relationship with her husband. Such mothers show jealousy towards their son's girlfriends.

Preference for childish qualities in a growing child.

This type of upbringing disorder is caused by indulging hyperprotection. Parents tend to ignore their children’s maturation and encourage them to retain such childlike qualities as spontaneity, naivety, and playfulness. For such parents, the child is still “small”. They often openly admit that they generally like young children better, which is not so interesting with older children. Fear or reluctance of children growing up may be associated with the characteristics of the parent’s own biography (he had a younger brother or sister and at one time the love of his parents shifted to them, and therefore his older age was perceived as a misfortune). Considering the child as “still small,” parents reduce the level of requirements for him, creating pandering hyperprotection, thereby stimulating the development of mental infantilism.

Educational uncertainty of the parent.

It is most often observed with such violations of education as indulgent hyperprotection or simply a reduced level of requirements. The educational insecurity of a parent could be called a “weak point” of the parent’s personality. In this case, there is a redistribution of power in the family between parents and child in favor of the latter. The parent follows the child’s lead, concedes even in those issues in which, in his opinion, it is impossible to concede. This happens because the child managed to find an approach to his parent, found his weak point and achieves for himself a situation of “minimum requirements - maximum rights.” A typical combination in such a family is a lively, self-confident child who boldly makes demands, and an indecisive parent who blames himself for all failures with the child. In some cases, parental “weakness” is due to the psychasthenic character traits of the parent. In others, the parent’s relationship with his own parents could play a significant role in the formation of this style of family education. Under certain conditions, children raised by demanding, self-centered parents, upon becoming adults, see the same exactingness and self-centeredness in their children, and experience the same feeling of “unpaid debtor” towards them that they previously experienced towards their own parents. A characteristic feature of such parents is the dominance in their statements of remarks with the recognition of a lot of mistakes made in upbringing. They are afraid of their children's stubbornness and resistance and find quite a few reasons to give in to them.

Phobia of losing a child.

Most often, the basis is pandering or dominant hyperprotection. “Weak point” – increased uncertainty, fear of making mistakes, exaggerated ideas about the fragility of the child, his illness, etc.

One source of such experiences of parents may be rooted in the history of the birth of the child - they waited for a long time, visits to gynecologists yielded nothing, he was born fragile and painful, it was with great difficulty that he was delivered, etc. Another source is the serious illnesses the child suffered , especially if they were long-term.

The parents' attitude towards the child was formed under the influence of their accumulated fear of loss. This fear makes some parents anxiously listen to any wishes of the child and rush to satisfy them (indulging hyperprotection), while others - pettyly patronize him (dominant hyperprotection). Typical statements by parents reflect their hypochondriacal fear for the child: they find many painful manifestations in him, fresh memories of past, even distant experiences regarding the child’s health.

Underdevelopment of parental feelings.

This type of upbringing is caused by upbringing disorders: hypoprotection, emotional rejection, cruel treatment. Adequate upbringing of children and adolescents is possible only when parents are driven by some fairly strong motives: a sense of duty, sympathy, love for the child, the need to “realize themselves” in children, to “continue themselves.” Weakness and underdevelopment of parental feelings are often found among parents of teenagers with character deviations. However, this phenomenon is very rarely realized by them, and even less often recognized as such. Outwardly, it manifests itself in a reluctance to interact with a teenager and ignoring his interests.

The reason for the underdevelopment of parental feelings may be the rejection of the parent himself in childhood by his parents. Another reason may be the parent’s character traits, for example, severe schizoidism.

It has been noticed that parental feelings are often much less developed in very young parents, but there is a tendency to increase with age. The example of loving grandparents is quite convincing. Under relatively favorable family living conditions, the underdevelopment of parental feelings determines the type of upbringing “hypoprotection” and especially “emotional rejection”. When there are difficult, tense, conflictual relationships in the family, a significant part of parental responsibilities is often transferred to the child (type of upbringing “increased moral responsibility”), or an irritable and hostile attitude arises towards the child (type of upbringing “cruel treatment”). Typical statements from parents include complaints that parenting is tiring, that these responsibilities take them away from something more important and interesting. For women with an undeveloped sense of parenthood, emancipatory aspirations and the desire to “arrange their lives” in any way are quite typical.

Projection of one's own undesirable qualities onto the child.

Most often it forms the basis of emotional rejection and abuse. The reason for raising a child in this way is often that the parent seems to see character traits in the child that he feels but does not recognize in himself. This can be aggressiveness, a tendency towards laziness, an attraction to alcohol, negativism, various protest reactions, incontinence, etc. By fighting the same, true or imaginary qualities in a child, a parent (most often a father) derives emotional benefit from this for himself. “Fighting” an undesirable quality in someone else helps him believe that he himself does not have this quality. Parents talk a lot and willingly about their irreconcilable and constant struggle with the negative traits and weaknesses of the child, about the measures and punishments that they apply in this regard. The parent’s statements show disbelief in the child, and inquisitorial intonations are not uncommon.

Bringing the conflict between spouses into the sphere of education.

As a rule, it is the root cause of a contradictory type of upbringing, combining the indulgent hyperprotection of one parent with the rejection or dominant hyperprotection of the other. Conflict in relationships between spouses is a common occurrence even in relatively stable families. Parenting often turns into a “battlefield” for conflicting parents. Here they get the opportunity to most openly express dissatisfaction with each other, guided by “concern for the welfare of the child.” At the same time, the difference in the opinions of parents is most often diametrically opposed: one insists on a very strict upbringing with increased requirements, prohibitions and sanctions, the other parent is inclined to “pity” the child and follow his lead. A typical manifestation is an expression of dissatisfaction with the educational methods of the other spouse. At the same time, it is easy to discover that everyone is interested not so much in how to raise a child, but in who is right in educational disputes.

Preferences for masculine or feminine qualities in a child.

This is revealed in a shift in the parent's attitudes towards the child depending on his gender. Causes such educational disorders as pandering hyperprotection or emotional rejection.

Often, a parent’s attitude towards a child is determined not by the actual characteristics of the child, but by those traits that the parent attributes to his gender, that is, “generally men” or “generally women.” Thus, if there is a preference for feminine qualities, there is an unconscious rejection in the child of male attributes. In this case, you have to deal with stereotypical negative judgments about men in general: “Men are mostly rude and unkempt. They easily give in to animal urges, are aggressive and overly sexual, and are prone to alcoholism. Any person, be it a man or a woman, should strive for the opposite qualities - to be gentle, delicate, neat, restrained in feelings.” These are the qualities that parents want to see in women. An example of the manifestation of an attitude focused on feminine qualities is a father who sees a lot of shortcomings in his son and believes that all his peers are the same. This father finds only merit in his younger sister. Under the influence of this attitude towards a male child, in this case the type of education “emotional rejection” is formed. The opposite bias is also possible with a pronounced anti-feminist attitude, disdain for the child’s mother and his sisters. Under these conditions, in relation to the male child himself, an upbringing of the type of “indulgent hyperprotection” can be formed.

Summarizing the material described in this chapter, we can conclude that the influence of the family, family relationships and family upbringing style on the child’s behavior is certainly systemic in nature. Moreover, the family as a system has at least two levels. The first is the uniqueness of the personality and behavior of each family member in relation to another family member (dyad, triad, etc.) and the second is the quantitative and qualitative characteristics of the interpersonal interaction of family members.

The child violates behavior based on the “parental model”, as well as as a result of an unfavorable emotional state that arises from unsatisfactory intra-family relationships.

Overprotection is excessive care for children. More solidly and scientifically, the same thing is called hyperprotection (from the Greek hyper - over + Lat. protecto - to guard, protect, patronize) The literal translation of the term hyperprotection is excessive care, hyperprotection. So, when describing this phenomenon, it seems preferable to use the second version of the term, which, with its Greek prefix, satisfies lovers of foreign language terminology, but is still close to our native language.

Overprotection is expressed in the desire of parents to surround the child with increased attention, to protect them even in the absence of real danger, to constantly keep them close to them, to “tie” children to their mood and feelings, to oblige them to act in a certain way that is safest for parents. At the same time, the child is spared the need to resolve problem situations, since solutions are either offered to him ready-made or are achieved without his participation. As a result, the child is deprived of the opportunity not only to overcome difficulties on his own, but even to soberly evaluate them. He loses the ability to mobilize his energy in difficult situations, he expects help from adults, especially from parents; the so-called learned helplessness develops - a conditioned reflex reaction to any obstacle as if it were insurmountable.

Usually, a higher level of care is shown to children in the first years of life, in the presence of diseases, physical and neuropsychic defects. Outside of the influence of these factors, overprotection is more typical of mothers who are not very sociable, with a limited, predetermined social circle. They compensate for their lack of sociability in relationships with children. The connection between the type of mother's temperament and the nature of care is more pronounced than among fathers: overprotection is more common in mothers with a phlegmatic and melancholic temperament. To a greater extent, overprotection is characteristic of mothers who dominate in the family, reflecting their involuntary intention to create dependence in children. In this case, the psychological mechanism of “obliging” children to act in a certain, once and for all given way is triggered. In addition, these mothers often try to form an isolated pair of communication in the family with their daughters, overly protective of them and not allowing the father to participate in their upbringing. If a daughter is similar to her father and feels the need for emotional contact with him, such a conflictual structure of family relationships can adversely affect the formation of the girl’s character and her subsequent relationships in marriage.

A special type of overprotection is found in mothers with hysterical character traits, ambitious, seeking recognition of their power at any cost. The means of this recognition is the child, whose achievements are emphasized and highlighted in every possible way; An aura of exclusivity and often a cult of permissiveness is created around the child. In fact, the outstanding Russian publicist N.V. Shelgunov wrote about this form of overprotection a hundred and fifty years ago, long before the formulation of modern psychological concepts of education, in his “Letters on Education”: “Intense one-sided love, concentrating all its pleasant memories on the child and transferred to him, is precisely the element of corruption that we are talking about. Why is it that the first-born and only children, and sometimes the last children, turn out mostly incorrectly? Only because the beloved child is the mother’s idol, and her love is aimed precisely at removing from the child everything that interferes with his child’s well-being. Not only does the child not know refusal, but he is also surrounded by a whole network of silent rewards that constantly flatter him. In every glance of the mother, the child reads approval, at every step he feels that he is the first, the only person - the center of the earth, around which everything revolves and serves. And imperceptibly, step by step, the child grows in an exceptional sense of primacy, without obstacles, contradictions and hindrances, and grows up as an unhappy “first person”, with a flabby character, with the absence of any restraining discipline, incapable of fighting life. If the “first man” finally finds his place among people, it will be through much, much suffering.”

Demonstrative hyperprotection

In fact, care and love in this case are of an external, demonstrative nature, designed more for the admiration of others and for public effect, rather than for real consideration of the emotional needs and age-related needs of children. This type of overprotection is observed more often in relation to only children and in some cases in single-parent families. Overprotection here often fulfills the affectively acute need for affection and love, primarily among the parents themselves.

The underlying desire of a mother to “tie” her child to herself and not let go of her is often motivated by a feeling of anxiety and anxiety. Then the need for the constant presence of children becomes a kind of ritual that reduces the mother’s anxiety and, above all, the fear of loneliness, or more broadly, the fear of lack of recognition and deprivation of support. Therefore, anxious and especially older mothers tend to be more protective. Troubled family relationships, when the emotional cohesion of spouses (parents) is upset, can also result in excessive attention of at least one of them to children - as a form of compensation for lost intimacy.

Fear for the child

Another common motive for overprotection is the existence in parents of a constant feeling of fear for the child, obsessive fears for his life, health, and well-being. It seems to them that something must happen to the children, that they need to be looked after in everything, protected from dangers, most of which in fact turn out to be the figment of the suspicious imagination of the parents. Overprotection, caused by the fear of loneliness or unhappiness with the child, can be regarded as an obsessive need for psychological protection, primarily of the parent himself, and not the child.

To a certain extent, parental concern may be justified due to the unfavorable combination of life circumstances in children, especially when they are physically and nervously weakened. However, this gives rise to a reciprocal feeling of anxiety and dependence on the parents in the child.

Inert hyperprotection

Another reason for overprotection is the inertia of the parent’s attitude towards the child: an already grown-up child, to whom more serious demands must be made, continues to be treated like a small child. This attitude usually occurs in cases where superiority over a small, inexperienced, defenseless child, the opportunity to care for and instruct him is the main, if not the only opportunity for personal self-affirmation of the parents themselves. It is clear that the growing up of a child and his gaining more and more independence frightens parents, as it deprives them of an important source of self-affirmation. Having no other opportunities to maintain their high status, they unconsciously strive to keep the growing child in the position of a small child, in comparison with which and in relationships with which only it is possible to demonstrate their merits. Therefore, such parents consider any manifestations of the child’s personal growth as a challenge and strive to rebuff them. This problem becomes especially important in adolescence, when the discrepancy between parental attitudes and the child’s increased capabilities can lead to acute conflicts. The situation is aggravated by the fact that from an early age the child under his care is poorly oriented in the whole variety of life situations, has a vague idea of constructive ways of self-affirmation, which can result in him accepting perverted, destructive methods, and this provides parents with new arguments in favor of his personal immaturity. In particularly severe cases, this situation drags on for years and prevents the full self-realization of both parents and their grown-up child.

Consequences of overprotection

The main unfavorable role of overprotection is the transmission of excessive anxiety to children, psychological infection with anxiety that is not characteristic of age. This gives rise to dependence, lack of independence, infantilism, self-doubt, risk avoidance, contradictory tendencies in personality formation, and lack of timely developed communication skills.

Parents need to be aware of whether their attitude towards their children is colored by excessive concern and anxiety. An honest awareness of the hidden motives of one’s behavior, as a rule, contributes to the normalization of attitudes towards children and the entire family atmosphere.

Psychologist's work

For a psychologist, compensation for the phenomena of hyperprotection (overprotection) is a difficult task, since it requires long-term, essentially psychotherapeutic work, not so much with the child as with the parents, because this problem was created by them and only by them can it be successfully solved. Moreover, the problem is further complicated by the parents’ unwillingness to accept the psychologist’s recommendations, the desire to justify their position with love for the child, and a sense of parental dedication. True dedication is required in order to recognize the presence of one’s own internal conflicts, personal problems, unconsciously projected onto the relationship with the child. This kind of recognition requires a high level of reflection, the lack of which even the most qualified psychologist can hardly compensate for.

Your psychologist. The work of a psychologist at school.

The question of the main violations of raising a teenager in the family has already been reflected in the medical, psychological and pedagogical literature. Such types of deviations in upbringing as hypo- and hyperprotection, neglect, emotional rejection, etc. have been studied. Let us consider the features of upbringing, the consideration of which is most important when analyzing the etiology of disorders in the personality of a teenager. At the same time, we will give a description of those scales of the DIA questionnaire that are intended to diagnose these features.

When studying the impact of upbringing deviations on the personality of a teenager, it is necessary to take into account that some upbringing disorders affect the teenager in themselves. The nature of the impact of others depends on what other disorders in education they occur in combination with. 1 . Level of protection in the educational process. We are talking about how much effort, attention, and time parents devote to raising a teenager. There are two levels of protection: excessive (hyperprotection) and insufficient (hypoprotection). Hyperprotection (G+ scale). We talk about hyperprotection when parents devote a lot of time and attention to a teenager, when his upbringing has become the central task in the parents’ lives, the main thing that life is devoted to. Typical statements from such parents reflect the important place that the teenager occupies in their lives, an exaggerated idea of what will happen if they do not devote all their time and energy. These typical statements were used to develop the corresponding scale. Hypoprotection (G- scale) is a case of an extremely low level of protection. At the same time, the teenager finds himself on the periphery of the parents’ attention, “their hands don’t reach him,” and the parents “don’t care about him.” The teenager often falls out of sight. They take it up only from time to time, when something serious happens (typical statements of such parents are systematized on the G– scale). 2. The degree to which the teenager’s needs are met. We are talking about the extent to which the parents’ activities are aimed at satisfying the teenager’s needs, both material and everyday (food, clothing, entertainment) and spiritual (and above all, in communication with parents, in their love and attention). This feature of family upbringing is fundamentally different from the previous one (types of protection). If the first characterizes the extent to which parents are involved in raising a teenager, then the second characterizes the extent to which they strive to satisfy his needs. The so-called “Spartan upbringing” is an example of a high level of protection (the parent does a lot of upbringing and pays a lot of attention to it) and low satisfaction of the teenager’s needs. There are also two possible deviations in the degree of satisfaction of needs. Indulgence (U+ scale). Indulgence is said to occur when parents strive to maximally satisfy any needs of the teenager. They spoil him. Any of his wishes is law for them. Explaining the need for such upbringing, parents cite arguments that are typical rationalizations: the “weakness” of the child, his exclusivity, the desire to give him what the parent himself was deprived of at one time; the fact that a teenager grows up alone, without a father, etc. Ignoring the needs of a teenager (U- scale). This parenting style is the opposite of indulgence and is characterized by the parent’s insufficient desire to meet the needs of the teenager. More often, spiritual needs suffer, especially the need for emotional contact, communication with parents, and their love. The described style is manifested in certain statements by parents, indirectly reflecting their reluctance to communicate with teenagers, in the preference for children who do not demand anything from their parents. 3. The number of requirements for a teenager in the family. Requirements for a teenager are an integral part of the educational process. These are also the responsibilities of a teenager, i.e. tasks that a teenager performs (study, self-care, participation in organizing everyday life, helping other family members). Secondly, these are requirements-prohibitions (things that a teenager should not do). Failure to comply with requirements by a teenager is subject to sanctions (from mild condemnation to severe punishment). The forms of violation of the system of requirements for a teenager are different. Let us consider violations in the system of a teenager’s responsibilities in the number of these responsibilities. Excessive demands (responsibilities) - (T+ scale). Increased moral responsibility. The requirements for a teenager in this case are very great, excessive, do not correspond to his capabilities, and not only do not contribute to the development of his personality, but, on the contrary, put him at risk. In one case, a more or less significant part of the parents’ responsibilities (housekeeping, caring for young children) is transferred to the teenager. Such parents, as a rule, realize that the teenager is very busy, but do not see the excessive load. They are also confident that this is required by the circumstances in which the family finds itself at the moment. In another case, a teenager is expected to achieve significant success in school or other prestigious activities (amateur arts, sports, etc.) that does not correspond to his abilities. Parents emphasize in the conversation the efforts they make to organize his success. Insufficient responsibilities of a teenager (T– scale). In this case, the teenager has a minimum number of responsibilities in the family. This feature of upbringing is manifested in the statements of parents that it is difficult to involve a teenager in any chores around the house.

4. Number of demands-prohibitions. Requirements-prohibitions, i.e. instructions on what a teenager cannot do, determine, first of all, the degree of independence of the teenager, the ability to choose his own behavior. And here two deviations are possible: excessiveness and insufficiency of requirements-prohibitions.

Excessive demands-prohibitions (dominance) (3+ scale). In this case, the teenager “cannot do everything.” He is faced with a huge number of demands that limit his freedom and independence. This situation stimulates the development of an emancipation reaction (protest against parents and any authority) in sthenic adolescents; in less sthenic adolescents it provokes the development of traits of sensitive and psychasthenic accentuation. Typical statements by parents reflect their fear of any manifestation of independence by a teenager. This fear manifests itself in a sharp exaggeration of the consequences that can occur even with a slight violation of the prohibition, as well as in the desire to suppress the independence of a teenager’s thoughts (see scale Z+). Insufficiency of demands-prohibitions for a teenager (scale 3-). In this case, the teenager can do anything. Even if there are some prohibitions, the teenager easily violates them. He himself determines the time of returning home in the evening, his circle of friends, the question of smoking and drinking alcohol. He doesn't answer to his parents for anything. At the same time, parents do not want or cannot establish any boundaries in his behavior. This upbringing stimulates the development of a teenager according to the hyperthymic and, especially, unstable types. 5. Severity of sanctions. Excessive sanctions (cruel parenting style) (scale C+). Such parents are characterized by a commitment to strict punishments and an excessive reaction to even minor violations. Typical statements from these parents reflect their beliefs in the benefits of being as strict as possible for their children. Minimum sanctions (scale C–). Parents tend to avoid punishment or use it rarely. They rely on rewards and doubt the effectiveness of any punishment. 6. Unstable type of upbringing. A sharp change in parenting style (change of educational techniques) - a transition from very strict to liberal and vice versa, a transition from significant attention to a teenager to emotional rejection - is relatively common in families of adolescents with character deviations. This style, according to the observation of the German psychiatrist K. Leonhard, contributes to the formation of such traits as stubbornness and a tendency to resist any authority. Parents of such teenagers, as a rule, recognize significant fluctuations in raising a teenager, but underestimate the scope and frequency of these fluctuations (see H scale). Combinations of various deviations in education. A large number of combinations of the listed features of family education are possible. However, the following combinations are especially important from the point of view of analyzing the reasons for the deviation of a teenager’s character, as well as the occurrence of neuroses and neurosis-like conditions (see the table for diagnosing types of family upbringing).

Diagnostics of types of family upbringing Expression of features of the educational process
Type of upbringing

Protection level (G)	Completeness of satisfaction of needs (U)	Number of requirements	Number of bans	Severity of sanctions
G	U	T	Z	WITH
Pandering Overprotection	+	+	–	–	–
Dominant hyperprotection	+	+ –	+ –	+	+ –
Harsh treatment	–	–	+ –	+ –	+
Emotional rejection	–	–	+ –	+ –	+
Increased moral responsibility	–	–	+	+ –	+ –
Neglect	–	–	–	–	+ –

Note: the sign “+” means excessive expression of the corresponding trait of upbringing, “–” - insufficient expression; “+ -” means that with this type of upbringing, both excessiveness of this trait and its insufficiency or lack of expression are possible. Indulging hyperprotection (indulgence + increased protection). The teenager is the center of attention of the family, and the family strives to meet his needs as best as possible. This type of education contributes to the development of hysterical and hyperthymic character traits in a teenager. Dominant hyperprotection (dominance + hyperprotection). A teenager is the center of attention of his parents, who devote a lot of energy and time to him, while at the same time depriving him of independence, setting numerous restrictions and prohibitions. In hyperthymic adolescents, such upbringing enhances the emancipation reaction. With psychasthenic, sensitive, astheno-neurotic accentuation of character, it enhances asthenic traits. Emotional rejection (G–, U–, C+) is formed by a combination of reduced protection, ignoring the needs of the child and often manifests itself in harsh treatment of the teenager. In the extreme case, this is Cinderella-type education. With such upbringing, the features of epileptoid character accentuation are enhanced, and in adolescents with emotionally labile, sensitive and astheno-neurotic character accentuations, processes of decompensation and neurotic disorders can form. Increased moral responsibility (G–, U–, T+) is formed by a combination of high demands on a teenager with a decrease in parents’ attention to him and less concern for him. This type of education stimulates the development of psychasthenic character accentuation traits. Neglect (G–, U–, T–, Z–). Reduced protection + reduced level of satisfaction of needs + reduced level of demands on the teenager + reduced number of prohibitions. The teenager is left to his own devices, his parents are not interested in him and do not control him. Such upbringing is especially unfavorable for accentuations of the hyperthymic, unstable and conformal types.

Analysis of family relationships in adolescents with psychopathy, character accentuations, neuroses and neurosis-like conditions (NAS)
Causes of deviations in family education
Questionnaire for parents of children aged 3-10 years
Questionnaire for parents of teenagers aged 11-21 years.
Answer registration form (ARB).
PARI Method

Deviant behavior

Comes from the Latin Deviatio - deviation. According to the Russian language dictionary S.I. Ozhegova, deviation is “a deviation from the desired direction under the influence of some reasons” [15, p. 126].

When we talk about deviant behavior, we consider it from the position of a social norm, as historically established acceptable or obligatory behavior in a given society. In the same dictionary S.I. Ozhegov we find the definition of a norm as “a legalized establishment, a recognized mandatory order, a structure of something” [15, p. 337].

Deviant behavior is a persistent behavior of an individual that deviates from accepted social norms, causes damage to society or the individual himself, and is also accompanied by social maladjustment.

Obviously, deviations can be both positive and negative. Isn't genius a positive deviation? Or a “black sheep” in a certain social group? Uncompromising or nonconformism is a deviation from the generally accepted norm of “keep your head down” and often causes significant damage to the individual.

But still, in this article we will consider deviance as a behavioral phenomenon leading to negative, socially condemned consequences.

In the international classification of diseases, deviant behavior is not identified as a nosological unit; therefore, it is neither a form of pathology nor a strictly defined medical concept.

Professor V.D. Mendelevich emphasizes that “deviation is the border between norm and pathology, an extreme version of the norm.”

There are several classifications of deviant behavior. I propose to use the classification of E. V. Zmanovskaya, which is based on the type of norm being violated and the negative consequences of deviant behavior:

Antisocial (delinquent) behavior (offenses entailing criminal or civil liability);
Antisocial (immoral) behavior (for example, aggressive behavior, sexual deviations, involvement in gambling for money, vagrancy, etc.);
Autodestructive (self-destructive) behavior (for example, suicidal behavior, chemical dependency, fanaticism, victimization behavior, etc.)

In order to understand what reasons lead to deviance, one should dwell on the concepts of ontogeny and dysontogenesis.

Ontogenesis (Greek on, ontos - existing, being; genesis - origin, development) is a process of individual development, considered as a set of successive morphological, physiological, psychophysiological and biochemical transformations of the body throughout the entire life cycle from the moment of fertilization of the egg to death. That is, it is a gradual change in the body, occurring in stages in the form of quantitative and qualitative shifts, from a less to a more perfect structure and functioning, a gradual differentiation of certain (including mental) processes with their simultaneous integration into a new whole. In the psychological aspect, this is an increase in the mental content of the individual.

Dysontogenesis is a condition in which deviations from normal personal development are observed at a certain period of life.

Mental dysontogenesis is a pathology of mental development with a change in the sequence, rhythm and pace of the process of maturation of mental functions.

Deviant behavior has a complex nature and is caused by a variety of dysontogenetic factors, among which the key ones are:

biological factor - complicated heredity and premorbid condition (residual organic cerebral insufficiency or “minimal brain dysfunction” (MBD).
psychological factor - psychopathology or character accentuations that cause inadequate reactions in adolescence.
socio-psychological factors, the most important of which in the psychosocial development of a child are certain styles of family relationships.
socio-economic factors include social inequality, stratification of society, unemployment and, as a consequence, social tension.
moral and ethical factors are manifested in a decrease in the moral level of society, the absence of a specific value system that would influence the development and socialization of the individual.

I think there is no need to dwell in detail on biological factors, since it is not in our power to influence them.

Let me remind you that most often deviations begin to appear at the stages of active socialization, when ways of interacting with the outside world and oneself are formed. And here it is important to talk about those dysfunctional education systems that can lead to violations.

Indulging hyperprotection - parents strive to free the child from the slightest difficulties, indulge his desires, admire minimal successes and demand the same admiration for them from others.

Result: high level of aspirations, desire for leadership with insufficient perseverance and self-reliance.

Dominant hyperprotection - parents give the child a lot of time and effort, but deprive the child of independence, setting numerous restrictions and prohibitions.

Result: a pronounced reaction of emancipation in adolescence, or lack of initiative, inability to stand up for oneself.

Hypoprotection - they show little attention to the child, there is no interest in his affairs, there is no control over his behavior. “Hidden hypoprotection”: control and care are formal in nature; parents are not included in the child’s life.

Result: external conditions that allow for the possibility of systematic uncontrolled behavior turn into the individual’s internal inability to self-restraint.

Emotional rejection - the child is burdened, showing general dissatisfaction with him, his needs are ignored. “Hidden emotional rejection”: parents try to veil their real attitude towards the child with increased care and attention to him.

Increased moral responsibility - the child is required to have “honesty”, “decency”, “a sense of duty” that is not appropriate for his age, and they are made responsible for the well-being of loved ones.

Result: afraid of disappointing parents, feelings of guilt, low self-esteem, protest in adolescence.

Child abuse is the tendency of parents to use harsh punishments even for minor behavior violations when needs are ignored. They can manifest themselves openly when they take out evil on a child using violence, or they can be hidden when there is a wall of emotional coldness and hostility between the parents and the child. In this case, the corresponding behavioral stereotypes are reinforced, an antisocial style of behavior is formed, which can develop into sustainable antisocial behavior.

In adolescence, character accentuations, psychological distortions in various areas and heightened behavioral reactions characteristic of this period begin to acquire the greatest importance. I will not dwell on this in detail, since they are described in the article on adolescence.

It should be noted that some authors distinguish between “primary” and “secondary” deviation. Primary usually refers to minor deviations that are not even always noticed by society. This may be non-normative behavior that has various reasons (“rebellion” of a teenager; the desire for self-realization, etc.) And the stage of secondary deviation, according to the American sociologist G. Becker, author of the theory of “stigmatization,” arises “from the moment when a person is labeled a deviant, those around him begin to treat him as a deviant, and gradually he himself gets used to considering himself as such and behaving in accordance with this role.”

Often a teenager’s desire for unusual situations, risk, gaining recognition, testing the boundaries of what is permitted, considered by adults as deviant behavior, from the point of view of the teenager himself can be considered absolutely normal, reflecting his search for identity and the desire to gain his own experience.

What can help you stay within limits? Education of norms and values, adequate external control and consistency, formation of self-control and responsibility.