From childhood, every person is constantly in society - this could be a family, a kindergarten, a school, a university, etc. It’s rare that someone, going all this long way, is left without comrades, but such cases still happen.
It is difficult to imagine that a person can live his life without friends, because everyone needs support, understanding and just company to have fun or share experiences. Of course, some say that all this is offered to them by the family, but one can argue with this, and friendships are still significantly different from family relationships. It is not always possible to share with your parents or spouse what you would entrust to your friends.
The lack of friends can be due to several reasons. This is due to:
- Inability or unwillingness to maintain relationships and build them.
- Disappointment in friendship as such. This may be due to the fact that the person has been betrayed or severely offended in the past.
- Shyness or lack of self-confidence.
- Confidence that support is not needed, that everything can be solved and survived on your own, without the help of others.
This is a list of only the main reasons - there may be much more. Although it is not so important why this happened, the main thing is that it really is a problem, although many do not want to admit it. Everyone needs to be needed and loved, and not just relatives.
Why are friends needed?
One can argue for a long time about how important a role friends play in life, but all their charm can only be appreciated by those who have them, because friends are a second family, and some over time become much closer than relatives. You can choose your friends yourself and they will walk with you side by side throughout the entire journey, and life will show what your relationship is really worth and whether you can trust them.
A person without friends is lonely and withdrawn. It is often difficult for him to find a common language with other people, to make concessions, to be happy for someone or to sympathize. Over time, such people become tough and unsociable. They themselves do not understand that the lack of close communication harms them and over time this only gets worse. Moreover, often the problem is in themselves, in the reluctance to meet and find loved ones. Some believe that this minimizes the chance of feeling the pain of resentment. This is simply a defensive reaction and fear of something that in most cases will never happen. But it is impossible to insure yourself against everything in life by cutting yourself off from everyone and living alone. The bulk of fears, complexes and concerns exist only in our heads.
It is, of course, possible to live without friends, but this deprives us of many wonderful moments and joy, because friends give that charge of energy, happiness and freedom that cannot be compared with anything. They will always come to the rescue when you feel bad mentally or physically, they will support you if it seems that there is no way out, and they will tell you the truth when you need it, even if it is oh so unsweetened.
Friends are wealth that does not dry out over the years, but becomes better and more valuable.
There are never many of them. Usually there are only a few people closest to you, but these are the people who will give you their last and will never leave you. They become so close that they know you better than you know yourself.
Without friends, a person cannot be a complete person; he will always seem to be missing something. It is impossible to feel harmonious if there are no people nearby with whom you can share your thoughts and experiences. Even the most inveterate introvert sometimes wants to sit in a quiet place with someone with whom it’s nice to be silent. After all, a true friend understands you without words.
Why friendship is necessary
You need to think about why friendly relations between people are needed at all.
- Sharing common interests and values.
- Supporting each other in difficult times, the opportunity to pour out your soul to someone.
- A feeling of your value and importance for another person.
- The ability to communicate with a person without the need to live in the same area.
What are the consequences of not having friends?
While the lack of friends is morally unpleasant, it also has a negative impact on health and overall well-being. After all, whether it is joy or sadness, if there is no one to share it with, then everything remains only in thoughts. Psychologists have long argued that in order to cope with pain or negative emotions, you need to tell someone about them, speak out loud about your experiences. In the absence of friends, a person has to cope with stress on his own, and this is detrimental to the cardiovascular and nervous systems in the first place and to health in general. This explains why lonely people die earlier than those with close friends and family.
At what age do we lose friends?
It is believed that a person's social connections peak between the ages of 20 and 30. Then they begin to decrease, and here the emergence of a family plays a big role: the partner and children seem to take on the functions of friendship. It also affects the fact that free time is becoming significantly less. As a result, by the age of 65, 25% of people are left without friends at all, which affects their standard of living. At the same time, it is in old age, when work and family no longer take so much energy, that a person experiences a special need for communication. But it just doesn’t exist - or it exists, but not enough. Thus, the social activity of an elderly person decreases, and this has a bad effect on physical and psychological health.
How to find friends?
Undoubtedly, finding friends is not an easy task. This can take a long time, because it is impossible to predict what a person really is and how he behaves in various life situations. All this is learned with experience and gradually. Some are not ready, or simply do not want to spend a lot of time to establish relationships, maintain them and have the strength to survive quarrels and misunderstandings. In addition to all this, it is important to be able to forgive and find compromises. And it’s not uncommon to come across people who disappoint and betray, strengthening the belief that it’s easier and calmer without friends. The main thing is to be sure that everything will work out, and you will definitely find those who will become close to you.
It is necessary to constantly develop, go to all kinds of meetings, trainings and social events, not be afraid to communicate and make new acquaintances.
There will be people who will support you in your interests, and over time communication can become closer. Most will remain just acquaintances, but among them there will be those who will become close friends, and it is impossible to predict who exactly.
You should not be afraid to look for opportunities to communicate by any means - for this there is the Internet, telephone and other types of communication. Even if for some reason you don’t have time to talk with friends often, you can correspond with them and send various photos. Now this is not a problem, all types of communication have the right to life if a person is dear to you, if you are ready to share part of your life and warmth with him.
Having friends is nice. Comrades are able to bring into your life the warmth of their soul, a piece of the kindness of their heart. The presence of a dear person nearby will allow you to overcome the necessary trials if they happen. In addition, you can have fun with friends, relax and work. It’s not worth giving up such an amazing opportunity - to have true comrades and to be needed by someone.
What to do if a teenager has no friends? Instructions for parents
For many children, adolescence is a time of acquiring many social connections. It often happens that teenagers have many friends, their own parties, companies and parties.
But what to do if your child has already reached adolescence, and he still hasn’t found a noisy group of peers - or at least a couple of close friends? Let's figure out why your teenager may not have friends, and how to help him with this.
If you're concerned about your teen's lack of social connections, you're not alone. This problem worries many parents around the world - and for good reason. The evolutionary task of adolescence is to teach grown-up children to independently interact with the world around them and to separate them from their parents.
Social connections are very important for the psychological and emotional health of adolescents - and if your child consistently prefers evenings with friends in the company of a book or TV, then this is a reason to pay attention to this problem.
Why does a teenager have no friends?
There may be several reasons why your grown-up child still has not made friends: from quite harmless (for example, you and your child have recently changed school or place of residence, and he has not yet established new social connections) to serious (such as: such as depression or bullying).
The most common causes of teenage loneliness include:
low self-esteem;
underdeveloped social skills;
shyness;
unrealistic expectations and too high demands;
antisocial behavior and aggression.
Before you try to help your child with this situation, it is important to determine the reasons why he does not have friends. For example, if the problem is a lack of opportunities to make new acquaintances, you can help your child with this yourself. But if the problem is high anxiety, depression or low self-esteem, it is better to seek help from a qualified specialist to first understand the reasons.
Should I help my teenager find friends?
In adolescence, children are reluctant to turn to their parents for help and support - it seems to them that it is easier to cope with their problems on their own. If your child has not approached you directly with a request to help him find new friends, then you should first figure out how much he needs your help and what it should look like.
Gather information
Talk to your child about his current situation: find out who he communicates with, whether there are people he considers friends now, what they do together. Ask him to rate his friendships on a scale of one to ten, where one would mean complete dissatisfaction with the number of friends and the quality of relationships with them, and ten would mean complete satisfaction with this state of affairs.
If a child gives his friendships a rating of seven or higher, it means that he is completely satisfied with his social life at the moment. If it is below six, then he probably needs help dealing with it.
Separate your own emotions
If you remember that in your youth you had a large group of friends, your own child sitting at home like an owl can cause you a variety of emotions from irritation to despair. It is important to remember here that on an emotional level, the child may perceive the situation completely differently from you.
For example, a parent may be an extrovert who draws his life energy from communicating with other people, and a child may be an introvert who, on the contrary, gets tired of too frequent and prolonged communication. Before you jump in to help your teen, find out how he feels about it instead of projecting your expectations onto him.
Determine your child's needs
Perhaps your teenager does not know where to look for new acquaintances and how to make them. Or he already has a social circle, but he does not understand how to get closer to his acquaintances and turn them into good friends. Find out what your child expects from friendships and what difficulties worry him most - this way you will know exactly how to support him.
How to help a teenager make friends?
Some children manage to make friends easily and naturally - they find their social circle everywhere: at school, in the yard, in the sports section and summer camp. For others, this is more difficult - and in this case, teenagers may need help.
We are not suggesting that you independently find children who will be ready to meet your child, but we are suggesting that you give him all the necessary tools and confidence that will help him hone this useful skill himself. Here's what parents can do to help their teen find new friends.
Enroll him in a hobby group
If your teen spends most of their time at school and at home, they may need to expand their social circle a little - and the best time to do this is among like-minded people. Use your child’s interests and hobbies to find suitable extracurricular activities for him - this could be a sports section (here, by the way, it is better to give preference to team sports), a creative club, a science club or any other organization where the child can communicate with peers on a common basis. topic that interests them. This doesn’t have to be about learning or acquiring new useful skills - a club for role-players or fans of computer games is also suitable if your child feels comfortable there.
Support a comfortable socialization format
People can open up in different situations - some find it easier to communicate with others in person, some prefer correspondence, while others do not like to communicate at all and feel more confident during joint activities - for example, working on common projects or playing in the same game. sports team. Determine which format is most comfortable for your child and encourage him to move in that direction.
Improve your communication skills
Communication is a skill that can be developed. If your teen spends a lot of time alone, it may be difficult for him to have small talk with his peers simply because he doesn't know how to do it.
To solve the problem, have your child practice on you. Talk to him not only about lessons done and hands washed - discuss a variety of issues, joke, argue, exchange opinions. The more often and casually your conversations are, the easier it will be for your child to demonstrate his communication skills when communicating with strangers.
Teach your child to be himself
This recommendation, alas, sounds easy only in words, but in reality behind it is not just one conversation, but many years of work on cultivating inner freedom and healthy self-esteem. Teenagers often try to imitate their environment - they begin to wear hairstyles and clothes that everyone else wears, they begin to be interested in the same things as most of their peers - even if they do not like it.
If you notice that your teen is constantly trying to change in order to better fit in with new friends, he may need to work on self-acceptance and self-expression - this will make it easier for him to find people who will appreciate him for who he is, and not what he pretends to be.
Explain the value of friendship
Friendships are important, but their quality is much more important than their quantity. In pursuit of new friends, it would be good for the child to understand that finding one good friend is much better than many bad ones. You can show your child examples of healthy friendships - using your own friendship or friendship in films, books or cartoons.
Discuss with your child which friendships are considered healthy and harmonious and which are not. Talk about what kind of attitude and actions you should expect from good friends, but do not idealize them.
Often, teenage friendships are hampered by overly high expectations and unrealistic demands: children try to find an ideal friend who will understand and support them in everything, and forget that everyone is different, and that in order for a relationship to work, they must invest in it all participants, not just one.
Strengthen your relationship with your child
It is clear that teenagers rarely want to be friends with their parents - and the task of parents is not to replace their child’s communication with peers. However, if your teenager is having difficulty creating friendships at this stage, you can support him by reminding him that you are always on his side, ready to listen to his problems, discuss with him what worries him, give him advice and help in a difficult situation. Make sure your child knows that they can come to you with any problems or doubts and receive understanding, compassion, love and support.
Don't rush to judgment
Often, parents themselves do not notice how they interfere in their children's friendships - with unsolicited comments, critical remarks and dissatisfied comments. You may not like all of your children's friends - but do not forget that what is much more important here is not how they look and behave, but what emotions they bring to your child, and what kind of relationship develops between them.
Adolescence is easy for few people - at this time, both parents and children face a million problems, and finding true friends is one of them. We understand how much anxiety and worry can be associated with the social life of teenagers and hope that this instruction will help structure your anxiety and direct it in a constructive direction. And remember - sometimes it’s enough to just let go of the situation and wait a little - don’t turn finding friends into an obsession.
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Where to find accommodation
As the janitor cat said from the fairy tale “Cat’s House,” it’s not fun for homeless people to wander around the courtyards in the dark. But there is nothing to do, you will have to look for accommodation for the night. In the summer, everything is simple: you can spend the night right on the street - but away from people, so as not to be robbed. In winter you will have to look for shelter. The first places that come to mind are those that are open around the clock: train stations, for example. If you look shabby, then you will have to hide from the police, but the option of spending the night at the station looks quite real. Another option for night heating is 24-hour Sberbank points with ATMs. There are no employees there, so if you manage, you can take a nap. But people come there, so sleep can hardly be called restful. If you come across abandoned houses, it is better not to go there, they can be dangerous: not only because of their possible inhabitants, but also because of the threat of collapse. It is unlikely that anyone will help you if the rotten floor collapses under your feet at night.
The most classic option is the entrance. With the widespread advent of intercoms, entrances are no longer an accessible place to spend the night, but you can cheat and deceive the system: as a rule, you can find the information of the management company among the notices on the door. Call there and ask for the technical code for the intercom, introducing yourself as a tenant who does not have a key. Most likely, they will tell you. It’s best to settle down for the night on the top floors of the house, on the staircase - you definitely won’t meet anyone there. Even though you are homeless, follow the rules of decency: do not litter and do not relieve yourself.
It is worth remembering that in large cities such as Moscow and St. Petersburg, in winter there are night heating stations for the homeless, where you can not only stay overnight and take a nap, but also drink hot tea, recharge your phone (if you have one) and get medical help. help. If you find yourself outside in freezing temperatures, it is important to find information as soon as possible about where such tents are placed, just in case.
Resources
First of all, it should be said that the state of social blocking is natural in this situation. During lockdown, having to deal with problems alone or with a limited circle of friends has strained our resources. Now that all the bad things are behind us, the next problem has appeared. There are not enough resources for communication, since we have already adapted to a quiet and solitary life. It simply bores us. Following from this, you need to understand that patience will be required, since you cannot immediately adapt to new conditions as quickly as you would like. It is precisely these fears that haunt people who, for other reasons, find themselves temporarily isolated from others.
Here are the tactics and strategies you need to use to get back to your old life.
How to avoid becoming an arrogant asshole
Ruthless social purism threatens loneliness. And constantly looking for flaws in other people can turn you into a very unpleasant, unsociable, arrogant asshole with a huge ego. Take care of your safety, but don't be vindictive. Buddha said: “If a traveler does not meet his equal in wisdom or better, let him make his way alone. There is no true friendship with a fool,” it takes a lot of intelligence to understand this advice. But it takes even more intelligence to understand that often the fool is yourself.
The Importance of Liberation
Even if there is no desire to return to normal communication with people again, this definitely needs to be done. If you continue to stay at home and are motivated by the desire to be alone, the situation may become more complicated. Melancholy is possible, which will slowly turn into depression. You may not realize how useful society is to you, but in fact, a person should not be lonely. By depriving yourself of the opportunity to fully communicate, you become aloof from life. Life becomes not joy, but existence. Therefore, to overcome the barrier that has arisen, several steps need to be taken.
“Forgive”: how to answer a person if you don’t have the strength to forgive (and don’t take the sin on your soul)
Developing mindfulness: how to increase attractiveness according to science
Modern youth will never understand these moments from Soviet films
Homeless man's goal setting
People who have been able to return from vagrancy to a normal life agree on one thing: you need to overcome your despair and set small but achievable goals: find a roof over your head, save up for new shoes, find a place where you can wash regularly. Subsequently, they will develop into more tangible ones: finding a job, restoring documents. And you also need to enlist the support of people: even if it seems to you that the whole world has turned against you, this is not so. If two doors close, a third one will open, the main thing is to knock more persistently.
Nowadays, homeless people have a great way to ask for help: social media. By telling your story on your page or in a popular city public page and achieving its dissemination, you will certainly receive support - even if you are in a foreign city and completely alone. The identifiable victim effect can work to your advantage in this case.
The illusion of help
There are all kinds of charitable organizations and homeless assistance centers, but is it really possible to get support from them? To be placed in a shelter, they may require papers - many homeless people in Moscow have described such cases. Where did the homeless person get his documents? Points for distributing hot meals are also a controversial story, since, having jostled in queues with lathered and dirty tramps, you risk not only getting even more dirty (even if your clothes are relatively clean), but also becoming infected with scabies, lice and other not very pleasant conditions homeless existence due to illness. But here everything is measured by the degree of despair: if you want to eat, you won’t tolerate it. Charitable foundations, as if in mockery, offer a humanitarian package with cereal, which, apparently, is offered to be chewed raw. There is no point in knocking on the thresholds of deputy reception rooms, city administrations and other municipal institutions - it is easier to die under their doors than to wait for help.
Sometimes homeless people ask clergy for protection. It would seem that it would be a charitable deed to shelter someone who has lost their home. But it is unlikely that you will be able to spend the night in the church or even on its territory. Things are different with monasteries: they more willingly accept those who are looking for housing and food, but in exchange for a bed and three meals a day, the homeless person will be loaded with the most difficult and dirty work, knowing that he has nowhere to go. You also cannot count on sympathy and friendliness.
In general, the reality is that if you are left on the street, you will have to muster all your willpower to survive. You will need perseverance, ingenuity and a disruptive character more than ever before.
Why difficulties may arise
It's much easier to make friends as a child
In your childhood, you made friends very easily; it was enough to play in the same sandbox or jump on a trampoline together. Now things are a little different. Why can difficulties arise and in general, it’s normal if there is no camaraderie.
- At a young age, friendships began literally out of the blue, with the slightest common views, for example, dislike for a certain teacher.
- There is no urgent need for new people to appear in your life. At an earlier age there was a need for social development.
- At an advanced age, it is more difficult to find a person who will fully meet your needs.
Exceptions
A lot can be forgiven and understood if a person is aware of his shortcomings, strives to compensate for his harm to the people around him and tries to change. If he admits his problems, can at least temporarily pull himself together and takes care not to harm his loved ones with his characteristics - not all is lost. And if you can notice real progress in his behavior, appreciate him, whatever his initial shortcomings and problems. Continuous effort is very rare among people.
