“Rising from the Ashes” - why do exes come back?

Signs your ex wants to get back together

There are several basic clues that will make it clear that your lover wants to return. But one of the most important things that you need to keep in mind and answer honestly is how positive the relationship was. If you are sure that they were positive and you parted very stupidly, then most likely your loved one will return.

Below is a list of signs that will indicate that your ex-boyfriend still loves you and wants to get back together. So, 12 signs:

• after several months of silence, he wrote you one or two messages;
• you broke up because of the distance between you. Perhaps you had to move to another city or leave for certain reasons. But if you really have feelings, then distance will not be a problem and you will be able to reunite;
• his relatives called you and said that the faithful misses you;
• a handwritten letter of love came from him;
• your chosen one has not removed you from friends on social networks;
• the separation passed calmly, without quarrels and mutual insults;
• it is possible that the lover had too many problems, so he needed to focus on solving them. So, most likely, he will want to return;
• he is jealous of you, so he cannot allow you to date someone else;
• mutual acquaintances and friends tell you what he remembers about you;
• your ex-boyfriend is trying to meet you by any means;
• leaves statuses on social networks that confirm that he misses you;
• your beloved gets nervous and angry when he sees you next to another representative of the stronger sex.

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How and what is the conversation going on?

It is very important to pay attention and be aware of the pitfalls that will or already occur during conversations. What or how the conversation goes is not necessarily reality; sometimes there is something more hidden behind it.

So, let's look at several options:

1. Neglect. He speaks to you in a dismissive tone, but this does not mean erasing you from your life. The ex tries to keep his distance, making it clear that resumption is impossible. This is 100% true if the desire to separate came from you. If he took such a step, then neglect is not an accurate sign; perhaps he is simply very nervous, and therefore hides behind a mask of arrogance.
2. Talks about himself. Quite selfish, don't you think? But don't rush to conclusions. If he talks about himself, it means he is quite comfortable sharing personal things with you. However, keep in mind that staying as your ex's friend is a bad idea if you want to get him back.
3. Talks about meetings, trips with other people. Most likely, you are already in the friend zone and there is no way to return the relationship. The ex is already moving forward and there is no room for you as a soul mate.
4. Asks about your life. It is likely that he is trying to understand whether you have someone in mind. And he doesn’t like this idea, which means he has doubts about breaking up. He may even ask about it directly.

How to behave if your ex wants to come back?

If you still love this man and have been waiting for him to return, in this case you need to accept his apology and get back together. Talk to him about your breakup and the conclusions you have drawn from past failures so that the relationship becomes stronger and more harmonious.

But if you are sure that you no longer need to have any communication with him, then do not make contact and try not to meet him anywhere. Move on with your life. In addition, you need to know that your ex wants to get back into the relationship for a number of reasons, which include:

• he feels guilty towards you;
• wants to ask for forgiveness in order to remain friends;
• wants to give the relationship another chance;
• just wants to know how you live, without changing anything;
• he wants to know if he can manipulate you again;
• There are only failures in his life, he needs money, so he wants to make peace.

Continued physical intimacy

Continuing to have sex after a breakup is a very bad idea. Always remember this. After all, if the ex is already having sex, why should he restore the relationship and endure the costs - everything is already wonderful.

Keep in mind, if you get laid once, you'll do it again. But perhaps this is because the two of you have such a strong connection to each other, which could eventually lead to a complete reconciliation. Additionally, simple flirting or even full-on make-out sessions with your ex can be a good sign. The more interest is shown, the higher the chances of success. However, try not to make a mistake in understanding what is happening. Otherwise, your heart will be broken again.

Why does your ex want to come back?

Every man who wants to reunite with his former passion has certain goals. Psychologists identify several main reasons that encourage exes to return:

1. He realizes that he made a mistake. Sometimes people make rash decisions, driven by emotions, and then regret their actions. Representatives of the stronger sex with high moral qualities most often return to ex-girlfriends. They believe that the chosen one will have a difficult time without him, and her life will become worse.
2. He was tired of loneliness. Having been a bachelor, the guy notes that delicious food does not appear on the table, the house is not cleaned on its own, and shirts are not washed or ironed. Being lonely, a man is forced to solve all everyday problems on his own. If the couple shared all expenses in half, then the desire to return may be due to commercialism.
3. Disappointment in other women. Some men are accustomed to seeing certain qualities in their life partner that they expect from new passions. However, not every woman wants to be a cook, mistress and cleaner all rolled into one. As a result, a person begins to suffer from a lack of attention and care. Therefore, guys often express a desire to return to their former passions.

1. A sense of ownership. In such a situation, even after breaking up, they continue to monitor the lives of their exes, because they do not want to put up with the loss of power. Realizing that the girl in whom he invested his time and resources may end up in the arms of another, the man returns.
2. If he quit on his own. Men rarely return to women they leave themselves. But if the girl who initiated the breakup beckons, then in almost all cases they return, despite the fact that they may have a new relationship.

1. We have common children. Many women wonder whether their ex-husband will return. If they have children, then this is a common story of husbands returning to their wives. However, without feelings for a woman, children cannot always become a decisive factor in the return of a spouse to the family.
2. Emotional pressure. There is a category of girls who can achieve anything they want with their tears. They begin to put moral pressure on their boyfriend, acting through his friends, relatives and acquaintances.
3. He managed to compare. The young man sees some shortcomings in his chosen one, and therefore decides to break up with her. But having started a relationship with another girl, he becomes convinced that his previous passion was much better. However, this does not always mean that the relationship can end with a happy ending. If on his life's path he meets a girl who meets his ideals, he will go to her.
4. Real love. It’s hard for people together, but bad for people apart. And the lovers once again quarreled and decided to separate. They start a new relationship, but at one point they break off all ties with new passions and return to their exes. This can only be explained by true love.

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Why does understanding come after separation?

After a breakup, people go through a stage of reassessing the relationship and the reasons that led to the breakup. The partner is assessed from a different perspective. When people start living together, at first they don’t pay attention to their partner’s shortcomings. This is the period of falling in love, euphoria from new feelings prevails. When conflicts arise, they pay more attention to negative character traits and behavior.

When partners separate, they begin to look at the situation differently . The usual way of life changes, the person with whom there was a deep emotional connection is no longer nearby. Sometimes a partner understands that he loves already after he has separated.

Evaluating life together, partners or one of them begin to realize that it was good, comfortable with a particular person, there were emotions, joint plans that could not be realized. The ex-partner acquires a different value after separation, so renewed relationships often last longer than the previous ones.

Don't rush to accept your ex-boyfriend

In any case, the ex will make attempts to restore the relationship. They usually do this via SMS, calls or messages on social networks. If he calls or writes, try not to show your feelings, get offended or throw a tantrum. Since the decision was not easy for the beloved and it took him a lot of courage to contact you.

Therefore, be calm and try to communicate positively. Do not remember the past and mistakes of your loved one. You should have done this during the separation period. And if you rub his nose into his unsuccessful past again, you will only indicate to him that you do not believe in his sincere desire to make peace.

“My revenge will be terrible”3

Men know how to be offended, they store resentment deep in their souls. Most often, plans for revenge are born from such grievances, which work 100%. And it seems that they broke up without a scandal, the relationship was not spoiled, the feelings of guilt passed. It seems to the girl that everything is fine, she doesn’t owe anyone anything. Meanwhile, the offended partner waits for the offender who left him to improve his personal life.

And then, showering her with compliments and offering a friendly meeting, he puts his plan of revenge into action. Moreover, he can humiliate, insult and cause pain, trying to explain how he felt during the breakup. Of course, the reason for such betrayal is one’s own carelessness. Either the breakup contained an understatement, or the previous partner was not entirely adequate.

In women, such plans of revenge arise in their heads less often. On the contrary, they are trying to prove that everything will be better and cooler than with the previous partner. But it also happens that a plan for revenge arises in a cunning head and is executed according to the same scenario. And in the morning even men’s complexes can bring humiliation. Men do not tolerate being compared, and not in the best light.

Why your ex will never come back

And although you want to believe that your ex-lover will someday return, this is not always the case. If he does something from the list, then most likely he will never return:

• the man stops any communication with you, does not call or write;
• blacklists on social networks;
• starts an affair with another woman;
• speaks poorly of you among friends and tells how you ruined his life;
• you parted hard, it’s likely that one of you cheated.

Doesn't make eye contact or acts strangely when meeting you

If he can’t look you straight in the eye, then there are two reasons for this: he regrets letting you go, or he doesn’t know what to say. In any case, this is a good sign.

A change in behavior is another sign that your ex is still thinking about you. Some changes will be noticeable immediately, while others will take some time to come to the surface. Remember that being friendly doesn't always mean anything.

When you see each other again, he may either be glad to see you, or show with all his appearance that he is in a bad mood. Both can be a good sign. If he's happy to see you, he's probably bored. Regardless of how the couple's breakup occurred, friendly behavior shows that its purpose is to create comfort between you. If you're moody, you're probably upset about the breakup. Either way, try to stay positive.

What does a woman need to do to get her ex back?

A young lady who has broken up with her lover and wants to return him should not provoke scandals. Psychologists recommend adhering to the following tips:

• do not write angry messages;
• do not pester your loved one with endless calls;
• do not push for pity;
• avoid discussing relationships during a chance meeting with your loved one;
• show that you are independent and positive;
• Organize a date yourself if your spouse does not offer it;
• think over your image, the main thing is that it is natural.

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He misses his girlfriend

If a girl doesn’t bother a guy with calls, leads an active social life, takes care of herself, then he starts thinking about her more often. The man imagines how she spends her day or who she meets. He thinks that the girl is of interest to other guys, and if this is the case, then she is valuable. As a result, the guy begins to get bored and wonder how he could miss out on such a great woman.

Knowing this secret, a girl can warm up her ex's interest in herself. It is only important that she does not deliberately provoke him to jealousy. Otherwise, it will completely push the man away.

Why men come back after a breakup - men's opinion

Initially, it all comes down to the fact that they are interested in how his former passion lives. And if there is nothing interesting in her life, then he may not appear in her life soon.

And if her personal life has improved or career growth has occurred, this arouses interest and indignation at the same time that he did not become a participant in such cardinal events in her life.

If a couple has children, then the man considers it normal to appear regularly in the life of his ex. Sometimes such appearances can cross boundaries when he expresses a desire to stay overnight or asks to borrow money. Some even consider themselves entitled to kick out their ex’s new boyfriend, citing the fact that he is the father. On a subconscious level, they try to protect their offspring from the influence of another man.

Sometimes gentlemen decide to return because he does not want to start a new relationship and pursue another woman. With the ex, everything is simple, he knows all the approaches to her. In addition, some spiritual closeness pushes men to write or call their ex-lover when difficult life situations occur.

"I'm not guilty. He came himself"2

But there are such “unhappy” moments when only he alone, (even if abandoned by her) will be able to console and pat her on the head exactly the way she loves and wants. Only he is the only one.

The reason is the sensuality of the partners. The couple breaks up, but the sensual connection remains between them forever. They don’t communicate for years, and then unexpectedly their eyes meet - and she understands that he was sent by heaven itself.

Well, you can indulge yourself with such illusions or justify it with an emotional breakdown. But the fact remains that things done in the heat of the moment often torment one’s conscience for many years. If there is no feeling of guilt, then everything may be done correctly. But this is only in relation to herself. For an existing partner, this will always be considered cheating.

The male scenario for the development of such events is typical for creative people who store images of people and attach vivid emotions experienced to them.

How does a man feel after a breakup?

For women who are used to taking decisive action, it is difficult to understand why men often return after a breakup. Male psychology has certain characteristics. The guys who initiated the breakup are relieved.

Tired of endless scandals and misunderstandings, a person wants to be left alone. If there were no good reasons for the separation, the man may soon feel devastated and regret what happened.

As a rule, a man’s pride does not allow him to express emotions openly, which does not have the best effect on his nervous system. To suppress his mental suffering, a person can do the following:

1. He goes on a drinking binge. Often, after a breakup, men begin to abuse alcohol. This behavior can have negative consequences. But most often, after some time, the man is forgotten and returns to his previous life.
2. Immerses himself in his work. Parting with your beloved can provoke an attack of workaholism. In such a situation, a man devotes all his time to work and tries to avoid any communication with the female sex. Thanks to this, he distracts and increases his self-esteem.
3. He is interested in extreme sports. He learns to fly a hang glider, conquers mountains or takes part in fights without rules. Thus, he tries to avoid depression by releasing adrenaline.
4. Frequently changes sexual partners. By changing his ladies every night like gloves, he asserts himself and emphasizes his own importance.
5. Starts a new romance. Most men are not ready for a new serious relationship immediately after a breakup. But the care of a new lover helps to survive the separation.

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What to do next?

By this point, you should have already understood whether the ex-boyfriend wants to return, at least in general terms.

In fact, this knowledge is a double-edged knife. On the one hand, if you doubt whether he still has feelings, then you cannot start a new relationship. On the other hand, if you know 100% that he misses you, you will want to speed up the process of getting back together as much as possible. What, as mentioned above, cannot be done.

We have dealt with the first case, but what should we do with the second? How to behave correctly?

The secret here is to keep your emotions in check.

If you want him back, the only thing you need to do is not make contact and keep your distance.

Lack of contact reinforces what the partner already has. If he is truly bored, then some constant lack of communication will fan the spark into a real flame. Depriving attention, the ex will need it more and more. The moment you finally get in touch, these feelings will overwhelm him.

Here are the recommendations:

• Don't be the first to contact. Let the ex do it himself, especially if the initiative to break up came from his side. Do not rush to call or write if very little time has passed. Let him think about what happened.
• No sex together if it continues after the breakup. This behavior may cause problems in the future.
• Don't write to him more often than he does.

The main rule is to keep a little distance all the time. Let him take the initiative himself.

What to do if your ex doesn't come back?

Breaking up with a loved one is not easy. But no matter what's going on between you right now, stay strong and stay positive. Whatever happens, move on with your life. You may even be grateful to him for leaving you.

Don't worry or wonder if your ex-boyfriend will come back. Better focus on your own life. Many women claim that as soon as they began to live their old lives, it was at that moment that the ex expressed a desire to return.

Now you need to focus on self-love. Don't blame yourself for your emotions, which may overwhelm you. Instead, listen to your heart. At the moment, the best idea would be to take some time for yourself, remember your hobbies, meet with friends and take care of yourself.

To get help and specific recommendations from a professional psychologist, watch this video right now. Click on the screen below:

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Drunk calls and messages

There is a good saying: “What a sober man has in his head, a drunk man has on his tongue.” Alcohol has the ability to intensify whatever is being felt at the moment. So if you're upset, drinking is not a good idea.

In this regard, how to understand that your ex misses you can be because he starts writing and calling while drunk. But there are 2 options:

1. He thinks about your relationship and misses you, but is still in a state of pendulum, that is, he doubts whether it is worth renewing the connection.
2. Hopes for a reunion, but doesn't know how to do it.