How to find friends in life, games and social networks (advice from a psychologist)

Man is a social being. Therefore, good friends are an important part of our life. They provide psychological comfort, help share information and emotions, develop healthy competition, stimulate our financial growth, and support us in difficult situations.

But finding loyal friends and becoming such a friend yourself is an art.

In this article we will tell you where to look for friends and what qualities to look for in them. How to be friends correctly so as not to be disappointed and not disappoint others. Let's look at what people value in friendship and what they especially don't like. Let's talk about mistakes that lead to losing friends.

How to find friends in life - 7 tips

There is no plan that is guaranteed to make a friend for life. There are only certain recommendations, which, if you learn them, will significantly increase your chances of success:

1. Don't make the desire to find friends an obsession. Better focus on your hobby and friends will appear on their own.
2. Do not try to be friends only with popular and successful people, as there is a high probability of being rejected.
3. Develop communication skills. First of all, the ability to listen, resolve conflicts, see one’s own and others’ boundaries, the ability to empathize, as well as emotional intelligence.
4. Pay attention to people with similar interests, values ​​and views.
5. When communicating with friends, behave naturally. Trying to please, adapt to them, and pretend to be someone else will lead to aggression and ridicule. It is better to have one person who will appreciate your true nature than ten who prefer to communicate with a fictitious personality. Maximum comfort and minimum negativity - this is the law of harmonious friendship.
6. Don't judge new people by rumors. They can be spread by envious people.
7. Keep in touch with your friends so that they don’t forget about you or be offended by your long absence.

What psychologists say about friendship

Friendship is a dynamic phenomenon. Due to life circumstances, people can diverge, change values ​​and habits. True friendship is a powerful resource that helps both participants grow and develop. If for some reason she begins to bring suffering, it is better to stop communicating.

It’s not enough just to find friends and comrades with similar interests. It is important to constantly find new points of contact with them. When one develops and the other stands still, a split occurs. If a friend decides to leave the relationship, you should respect their choice.

The likelihood of finding new friends is high if a person moves within a community:

• classmates;
• colleagues;
• visitors to seminars and interest groups;
• neighbors.

The main thing in friendship is a common cause. When choosing friends, you should definitely rely on common interests and values. You can check whether spiritual intimacy exists during the conversation. A person opens up well in conversations on the topic:

• politicians;
• sports;
• travel;
• nutrition;
• healthy lifestyle;
• hobbies (music, theater);
• moral and spiritual interests;
• religion;
• charity.

People who have a positive outlook on life should be considered as comrades. Pessimists and cynics are not inclined to create deep friendships.

Communication skills also play an important role in establishing productive contact.

How to behave to establish dialogue - 5 recommendations

1. Be interested in other people and answer counter questions frankly.
2. Express your opinion honestly. This will help the partner identify common ground.
3. Try to speak to the essence of the issue. Do not tell more than the other person is interested in. An overabundance of information about one’s own person can play a cruel joke.
4. Speak on positive topics that do not affect moral and religious feelings. For the first conversation, it is appropriate to discuss interests, hobbies, and travel.
5. Express approval if something said resonates with you. It is quite appropriate to compliment a person about his level of education, breadth of outlook, or knowledge of any issue. The main thing is to know when to stop so as not to create the impression of an insincere person.

Read further: Friendship and business: where to find a reliable business partner

To find new friends, you need to constantly expand your circle of acquaintances. When attending parties, don't limit yourself to just your own group. Don't be afraid to come across as a clingy weirdo. The ability to conduct a relaxed dialogue within boundaries will help you leave a good impression.

It is important to be genuinely interested in communicating with the other person. If there is a feeling of mutual interest, you can invite a friend to attend an event, go to a sports match, or go to lunch.

Strong connections are formed between people who see each other frequently. When meeting, you should show friendliness, responsiveness, offer help, or even invite you for tea. Such a positive attitude almost always finds a reciprocal response.

It is important to be able to maintain friendly and friendly connections. To do this, you should show interest in other people:

• write on social networks;
• call;
• congratulate on significant dates;
• be ready to provide support.

In the quest for rapprochement, you need to know when to stop. Remember to be polite and respect the other person's personal space. Friendship does not mean the absence of boundaries. If a friend does not want to share any information, that is his right.

You should not leave a relationship after a conflict. Friendship is a valuable resource that should be protected. Perhaps the cause of the quarrel is not so critical as to lose a friend.

How to overcome obstacles to friendship

How to find good and loyal friends Photo: Depositphotos
Some people believe that they are self-sufficient and do not need friends. Psychologists do not recommend cultivating the idea of ​​loneliness - it is not good for mental and physical health.

To develop and maintain friendships, you need to communicate. If you have a busy schedule, schedule a meeting with friends as another task in your planner. Or combine business with pleasure: meet at the gym, go shopping together, or to a beauty salon. As a result, you will communicate and do the planned things.

In friendship you need to be able to trust. People who have been betrayed or traumatized in the past have big problems with this. But this is not a reason to be alone:

• If you are refused a conversation, it does not mean that they do not want to deal with you - people may simply be busy.
• You can't please every person - you don't like everyone either.

If your fears persist, consult a psychologist. This is an abnormal situation and needs to be corrected with the help of a specialist.

Friendship is a mutual process. Therefore, be the kind of friend you dream of. Who will listen, support - but will not judge or lecture. Who trusts and sincerely respects.

Friendship on social networks: myth or reality

If 30 years ago young people gathered in the yard, and residents of neighboring houses visited each other, now communication has moved to a virtual environment.

The need to share details of one's life remains, but the means to achieve it have changed. By posting any content on social networks, a person fulfills the need for acceptance, approval and belonging to some group.

Likes and comments are analogues of group interaction in the virtual plane. Friendship and close interaction in reality presupposes not only the presence of common interests, but also equality. Virtual “friends” may differ in income level, culture, and education. They don't pass the test of loyalty like real ones.

The more they write approving comments and likes, the faster a feeling of community and closeness arises. The figure of the person on the other side of the monitor is perceived positively. The quick “high” from the illusion of acceptance makes you plunge headlong into the virtual world.

Having a large number of virtual “friends” significantly expands the circle of communication. A person gets the opportunity to effortlessly increase self-esteem and present the desired image of his “I” instead of the real one.

Research has shown that users who strive to increase the number of virtual friends do not strive for friendship in reality.

At work

The advantages are obvious: you spend a lot of time together, there is an opportunity to take a closer look at the person. It's easier to meet people at work. You will definitely have a common ground and a topic for conversation.

How to make a girlfriend at work? During your lunch break, you can sit down at a table and start a casual conversation.

Don't be shy to start a conversation first. Nobody will bite you.

How to find friends on social networks VK and Odnoklassniki - 8 rules

Finding friends in the virtual space is not an easy task. However, for people who are shy, this is an ideal way to make new acquaintances.

Rules for finding friends on social networks:

1. Form a community. You can expand your circle of contacts by creating an interest group. After some time, the number of acquaintances with similar interests will increase significantly
2. Write posts about your life. About work, achievements, interests, travel, interesting events.
3. Look for acquaintances on your own. You can find new people through groups and comments. Feel free to enter into dialogues.
4. Add real acquaintances as friends. New people appear in the process of attending seminars, trainings and business events. Friendly relationships can arise on the basis of common interests.
5. Introduce people to each other. Recommend your friends to each other as good specialists. On social networks, the “six handshakes theory” works flawlessly.
6. Be interested in the lives of virtual friends. People enjoy it when someone asks about their interests and hobbies. This approach increases the chances of establishing warm, friendly relationships. It would be a good idea to write some brief information about yourself.
7. Translate communication into reality. With friends who have common interests, you can organize thematic meetings in cafes, field trips, and organize some events.
8. Be open to communication. Some people write in groups asking for help or favors. Providing support couldn't be easier. In return, you can get a friend for life.

Read more: How to make friends with someone

Summarize

Finding good, loyal friends is only half the battle. You need to become such a friend yourself.

Adhere to the principles on which true friendship is based. Avoid high expectations - you and your friends do not owe each other anything - unless, of course, you borrowed money. Be able to negotiate and dot the i's in any situation - so that there are no misunderstandings. Control your emotions and never do things that can ruin your relationship.

Only in this case will friendship bring comfort, harmony and a feeling of happiness into your life.

Material prepared by: Alisa Guseva Cover photo: Depositphotos

Finding friends in another city - 9 ways

Moving allows you to start life with a clean slate. Don’t be upset if you haven’t found any friends yet in your new place of residence. There are many places where you can meet people with a similar value system:

1. Job. The easiest way is to invite your newly-made colleagues to visit, to a party or for a walk. In an informal setting, people reveal themselves differently than in work.
2. Activity. Announcements of events are published on the Internet and on posters. You can choose what you like: flash mob, marathon, student gatherings, friendly gatherings.
3. Social media. You can write a post asking to show the city, talk about interesting places, or invite someone for a bike ride.
4. Gym. The ideal way to find a friend with similar interests is to spend time together. Many people go for morning jogs, play football or lift weights. We recommend starting a conversation by asking for advice on an issue of interest. People who are considered experts respond happily. During the dialogue, you can ask for a contact for communication.
5. Hobby. You should analyze your inclinations and talents. Perhaps it’s high time to realize an old dream: enroll in a foreign language course or learn to draw. Courses are a great place to make new friends. People come there united by the common goal of gaining knowledge.
6. Attending educational events. Advanced training allows you not only to improve yourself in any field of activity, but also to find friends, expand your circle of business contacts, and make useful contacts.
7. Attending psychological trainings and groups. Moving is a lot of stress. During it, a person experiences a feeling of loneliness, self-doubt, and loses support. During the trainings, people develop their internal resources, learn to interact effectively with each other, and receive support and love from other group members.
8. Virtual communities. If you don’t have the opportunity to meet in real life, you can use a virtual travel service. On the Internet it is easier to find people with similar interests. And from virtual life it is not difficult to move into reality.
9. Trips. Finding people to travel with is a great way to bond. Many people look for company because they are afraid to travel alone.

Deciding on goals

Before you go looking for a girlfriend, you must clearly understand who you are looking for. Why do you even make friends?

There are many options:

1. Go shopping together, attend courses, go on a trip.
2. Nice talking.
3. Going to events, theaters.
4. Hang out at the club.
5. The competitive aspect. Some girls find it easier to motivate themselves if they have a role model nearby.

In a word, if you don’t understand how to find a girlfriend, you first need to clearly imagine the type of person you are actually looking for. Friendship can have many goals. Understand who exactly you are looking for.

Looking for friends in computer games

To find gamer friends, follow these rules:

1. Consider netiquette.
2. Monitor your profile.
3. Fill out your profile with concise information about the case. You can describe your personal qualities and interests in it.
4. Follow the rules of the Russian language.
5. Use emoticons, but don't overdo it.
6. Try to keep your messages as one complete thought.
7. Avoid banal language.
8. Remember that vulgarity is taboo!
9. Behave correctly, even if the other person has a different opinion.

Read more: 6 mistakes that hinder friendship

By the way a person communicates while playing in a chat, one gets the impression of the degree of his adequacy. People are drawn to friendly and positive partners. Do not spoil your image even in the virtual space.

How else to find friends in games? For example, look for gamer communities on social networks. In them, people discuss characters, game strategies, look for friends with similar interests, partners for completing levels together.

There are also plenty of apps for finding gaming friends. One of the most popular is PLINK. In your profile, you must indicate your gaming preferences and the system will provide a list of potential partners for the game.

GAMETREE is another mobile application for finding friends in games. It features a user-friendly interface and an expanded set of filters. You can even select partners based on psychological type.

What are the reasons for the absence of your best friend?

• Your modesty may be to blame. You are afraid to be the first to speak, or to blurt out something unnecessary, so you speak constrainedly and participate inactively in the conversation. You may simply be mistaken for a snob or an uninteresting person. Therefore, be more relaxed, more sociable and friendly.
• Perhaps the person has a bad character. The girl is too cocky, touchy, or she’s just an upstart or a rude person. And these qualities scare off all potential girlfriends, which makes a person lonely.
• The girl is simply accustomed to her surroundings , and does not see people who would like to communicate with her, but are embarrassed to take the first step. It’s worth looking around, suddenly there is already a kindred spirit nearby.
• It often happens that there are a lot of acquaintances and friends , but there is no best friend with whom you can talk about everything, not just the weather. Then you need to take a closer look at your friends, perhaps there is a potential girlfriend among them.
• Maybe a girl or woman has recently moved to a new city, where she has not yet had time to make acquaintances. Then finding friends is only a matter of time.

Where to find friends

In large cities, dating parties are organized for people of different age categories.

Thematic meetings, associations of interests, courses, studios, performances - all this allows you to meet a large number of new faces. Perhaps no friendly communication will be established, but a company will appear to visit interesting places.

Apartment dwellings are very popular for finding friends. These are mini-parties where complete strangers meet, listen to music and chat. In one evening you can make 20-30 new acquaintances.

The fastest and most effective way to friendship and friendship is hobbies. Joint activities allow you to improve your skills, get a lot of positive emotions from communication, and make long-forgotten desires come true.

There are websites where you can register and chat with people from anywhere in the world. Their main, but only goal is language practice.

Chatting with foreigners is a great way to make friends.

Popular resources for communication:

• Pen4Pals;
• Livemocha;
• Learning Russian with Russians (Facebook);
• Abroad Pal;
• Shared Talk;
• Learning Russian with Russians (Google).

There are entire social networks for language practice and finding new friends. Lang-8.com is the largest of them. It brings together users from 190 countries. One person writes a text in a foreign language, the other (counterpart) checks the grammar, corrects errors and gives recommendations. Social networks of this type allow you to improve your language skills and make new contacts.

The problem of finding a company is relevant not only for young people. Pensioners also suffer from loneliness. Elderly people can also make new acquaintances through the social network “Country of Pensioners” or groups for communication of elderly people on VKontakte.

Another way for retirees to find friends is through club centers. In them, people attend hobby groups, gather for tea and spend leisure time together.

To be understood and accepted

“The value of friendship is the same as the value of any close relationship,” practicing psychologist, candidate of psychological sciences, sexologist, supervisor Ekaterina Rumyantseva

. – The possibility of close interpersonal communication. This is a kind of response to the existential reality of loneliness. It is impossible to share your experiences completely with anyone, but you can be seen, heard, understood and accepted.”

According to Gestalt therapist Elena Petrikina

, friendship is always about honest and sincere relationships. In friendship, you can and should tell the truth: support, but at the same time try to never become the retinue of the Naked King for your friend. “I really hope that I have such friends, and that I myself can be such a friend when necessary,” she says. – It is also very important that friendship gives us the opportunity to share our thoughts, feelings, events, joys and difficulties with another person. Gives you a chance to be understood and supported.”

Building friendships, according to psychologist Ulyana Vlasyuk

, is somewhat similar to building a relationship between a man and a woman. A friend is that person who can be close both in joy and in sorrow, with whom it is comfortable to remain silent. Friendship helps you look at yourself from the outside, to see your “blind spots.”