We, as responsible parents, want to raise our child as prepared as possible for independent life in this unpredictable world. But let's be honest: many people by “preparing for independent living” only mean a good formal education. From an early age, the child is taught mathematics, writing, natural science and other sciences, and a little later they are sent to a strong school. Of course, all this is useful and will definitely come in handy in adulthood, but is this enough to raise an unspoiled child?
Let's count how many times have you seen smart and educated children who are fixated on themselves and who are not even interested in the opinions, desires and interests of the people closest to them? How many times have you come across intelligent children who do not value their parents at all (disrespect, rudeness, arrogance, impudence, lies)? How many times have you met excellent students who, already in adulthood, are completely dependent on their parents? Such children are often called spoiled. And the truth is that there is no such gene that could “spoil” a child. The only ones who can do this are his parents.
It is worth understanding one thing: a responsive, caring, selfless child does not turn out by chance, this is the merit of his parents alone. Because they have the key influence on the baby. Your child is a reflection of yourself. Therefore, the best advice for raising an ideal child is to be a good example for him. But if everything were so simple, then problems with education would not arise.
Here are some tips that can help you raise a generous, caring, and responsible person. Before you read them, ask yourself what character traits do you want to see in your child in a few years? Let your answers become your cherished goal, which you will pursue while raising your child.
Stop patronizing!
Good parenting is not about making sure your child is happy. It's more about teaching him how to deal with failure, rejection, mistakes and troubles.
Constantly shielding your child from anything that might cause frustration will not help him master this critical skill. This will not teach him to overcome difficulties, relying only on his own strength.
Stop patronizing your child. Give him the opportunity to learn to manage his life on his own, while mistakes are not so painful.
Month one
It is necessary to take care of a child from the very first days of his life. Within a year, the foundation for its further development is laid. No matter how it may seem that the baby still does not understand or perceive anything, this is not so. From the very first days, the baby reacts to sounds, distinguishes the tone of a conversation, the melody of speech, distinguishes light from darkness, smells the presence of its mother nearby, feels touch.
The child has developed unconditioned innate reflexes, for example, he looks for his mother’s breast and sucks it, shudders from sharp sounds, steps with his legs if he is held vertically above the surface, grabs with his hands, and about seventy other different reflexes. The baby is not as maladjusted as he seems.
A baby at 1 month already recognizes his mother.
During this period, it will be correct to develop and raise children using simple methods. Develop color vision by placing bright contrasting mobiles and rattles-garlands at a distance of 30 cm from the baby’s eyes. Teach to fix the gaze by moving a bright rattle in front of the baby’s eyes to a distance of about 20 cm, and then, after waiting for the gaze to fixate on it, moving it to the sides, up and down. Develop your baby's hearing by talking to him tenderly, turning on music, and rattling melodious rattles.
It is necessary to carry the child in your arms, give him tours of the apartment, and tell him about everything around him.
Learn to give, not just receive
Give your children the opportunity to understand that they can change lives simply by giving or doing something for other people. After all, many of them don’t even realize that this is possible.
I came across an article somewhere that said that generous children are not only less selfish and more appreciative of others, but also happier in life.
One of the best ways to protect a child from selfishness is to periodically involve him in volunteer work that does not involve material rewards.
What else does a child need?
- Friendly family - happy children. At least 2 times a week, find time to gather all family members at a common table. Eating together in a special atmosphere (festive tablecloth, dishes) greatly helps strengthen family ties.
- Shared reading. Create a tradition of evening read-alouds where both children and parents are present. Choose the difficulty level of the text based on the older child if you have several children. Empathy for the main characters unites the family sensually. In the future, your children will not grow up as competitors to each other, but as best friends. And the emotional connection with your parents will last a lifetime.
- Why is the child sick? The body reacts to any psychological discomfort. The reason may be an unsuccessful parenting model if it goes against the natural properties of the child. And it happens that the mother’s serious conditions affect her - her anxiety, depression, irritability, apathy, resentment towards life.
- Moral education. How to raise a child to be honest, just, and merciful? How to educate him so that he accepts moral guidelines? This deep topic is raised in the article Moral Education, or How to Teach Freedom.
- Personal example. It works in all areas of life. Guess who can raise a happy person? It’s true that a good, happy future awaits those children who grow up with happy parents.
Proofreader: Natalya Konovalova
Author of the publication: Evgenia Astreinova, psychologist Editor: Tamara Tkachenko
The article was written based on materials from the training “System-vector psychology”
Replace "I" with "we"
Children are self-centered. They think that the world revolves only around them. They are more concerned about themselves and their own needs, and they do not pay attention to the opinions and desires of others. And in order not to allow them to become fixated only on themselves, you need to take them away from the endless “me-me-me” and teach them to think in the “we-we-we” format.
Here are some simple expressions you can use when addressing your child:
- Let's ask Masha what she would like to do?
- Remember, we always share!
- Ask your friend what would he like to play?
- Now it's your brother's turn.
- Let's help mom tidy up the room.
Try to always emphasize “we”.
How to raise children correctly: advice from a psychologist to parents
Let us turn to the advice of experts who have studied the issue of raising children for many decades. They have developed a certain structure of communication with the child, which allows them to most effectively resolve most conflicts without devaluing the feelings of both parties.
How to raise a happy child without yelling and punishment: mutual respect
If you want your child to love and respect you, treat him the same way. Many psychologists argue that the foundations of future self-esteem are laid in childhood. How can a person who has been overlooked and devalued for many years discover his talents and become an outstanding person?
On top of everything else, if a person was “disliked” in childhood, then he can compensate for this himself by becoming a cynic and an egoist. This person is capable of destroying many other people's lives before he realizes how deeply his parents hurt him in childhood - this could be revenge on all people on a subconscious level. Remember that if a child feels valuable and special, then he will treat other people, and especially his parents, the same way. In this matter, the main thing is to know when to stop.
How to show respect for a child? It's simple: when he asks for help, don't refuse, but put things aside and help him finish the airplane model. Or politely ask to wait until the weekend. Children remember everything: and especially your manifestation of love for them. Reading a bedtime story, helping with a complex trigonometric equation, or chatting about the guy sitting at the next desk - any adequate attention is regarded as important to the existence of this little one as a member of the family.
Words can hurt, but they can also give a lot of warm feelings: especially words of love. And it is the affection of parents that is the key to proper upbringing of children. But how can you not spoil them? How to express your love correctly? In everything you should adhere to moderation. Remember that your love is the basis for building self-confidence. It develops the ability to set goals and achieve them. How to express your love? These don’t always have to be words, they can also be gestures: a pat on the head, a kiss on the forehead, a hug just like that.
We have already touched on the topic when parents believed that supporting their baby financially is the most important thing. However, more important than this is time, which is placed above money. Yes, you can keep him busy with various clubs and sections so that the child comes home and immediately goes to bed. However, a comprehensive education can never replace what parents provide when spending time with their child.
In adolescence, this problem can worsen: if you don’t communicate, the gap between you and your baby will only grow. In this case, psychology gives the following answer to the question of how to raise a child: the foundations should be laid in childhood.
Among other things, the parents themselves become an example for children in relationships: they almost completely copy the behavior of their mothers and fathers, almost repeating the same words and expressions.
How to raise children: whether to give freedom
If you overprotect your baby, controlling his every step, then you can raise a dependent person who will do nothing but live at your expense and constantly ask your permission with or without it.
Don’t be afraid to give your child freedom: this is how he learns from mistakes, gaining irreplaceable experience. It is freedom that can give your little person ambitions to solve impossible problems.
It also happens that mothers, too carried away by the care of their already adult child, forgot about their own husbands. This is one of the important aspects of the issue being covered. When raising children, it is important not to forget about the family and its traditions and values - after all, marriage is a union of a couple of people who love each other and are capable of raising a worthy personality.
How to properly form a child: the most important advice from a psychologist
Every parent is a role model. For him, you are a whole indestructible world, the decisions of which should not be questioned. And that's why. Suppose you forbade your child from walking on the playground today. And the next day you abruptly change your ban, without justifying it in any way. The child may think that you can be manipulated - and with his screams or tears he can change the parent’s decision.
Remember that it is important to adhere to the line you have chosen in order to build the authority of mom or dad in the eyes of the little person. Having considered how to raise small children and teenage schoolchildren, having learned the basic advice of a psychologist, we can draw a very simple conclusion: it is enough to love, appreciate, respect the child, and spend as much time with him as possible.
Twelfth month. The baby is one year old!
A one-year-old child understands “impossible” and “possible” and distinguishes not only intonations, but also words. He can speak his own language. Those close to him can understand him, strangers cannot. One-year-old children are wary of strangers. A child’s games become completely varied and educational: he already knows how to assemble a pyramid, disassemble a car, and dig in the sand.
For children of any age, the main thing is the love of their parents
It is still necessary to do a lot with the child, involving games in his development and education, for example, pyramids and cubes develop motor skills, nesting dolls, sorters and various boxes develop cognitive abilities, cars, gurneys improve coordination of movements.
The most important thing in the upbringing and development of a baby under the age of one year is constant physical contact with him.
Accustoming to feeding, establishing a daily routine, daily walks, games - all small steps in raising children of the first year should be done with great love.
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Tenth month
The child understands a lot of what is said to him. He enthusiastically plays the games “Peek-a-boo,” “magpie-crow,” and “okay.” He is happy when he is praised. The child already has fairly well-developed coordination and can reach almost anything that interests him, crawling, standing up, or moving any objects. The child no longer needs a mother for this.
A 10 month old baby finds his own game
It is necessary to give him space for movement and self-realization, nurturing independence and self-confidence in the baby, while constantly keeping his movements under control.
Sixth month
A child at this age can already hold toys in both hands, rearrange them, and choose the right one. He is able to throw toys, which is more difficult for him than picking them up. Sits and tries to crawl.
The baby is already sitting well at 6 months
Children of the first year need to be praised for their achievements, both words and actions. Pat children on the head and applaud them.
It gives the child joy that they are happy with him. The baby shows his emotions as best he can, so that he can be capricious and cry in order to reveal his desire for something. The baby does not manipulate his parents, but simply does not know how to communicate his needs or dissatisfaction in a different way. In order not to subsequently raise your baby to be capricious and selfish, you need to try to understand his needs, and not wait for hysterics and heart-breaking crying.
Month five
The baby no longer just gurgles and coos, but makes distinct sounds. He can see a toy and reach for it. Can hold it confidently. The child gets his favorite toys. He tries to perceive all things tactilely and taste. The baby is already well strengthened: he rises on his hands, pulls his feet into his mouth, and gets on all fours.
A 5-month-old baby pulls his feet into his mouth and tries to get up on all fours
It is important to continue to maintain as much physical contact as possible with your baby.
Carry him in your arms, talk to him, respond to his remarks, smile at him. Develop a sense of rhythm in a child by dancing to music with him in your arms, accompanying massage and gymnastics with counting.
Second month
Throughout the first year of life, physical contact is important for a child. A feeling of closeness and security. You need to carry the baby in your arms, give him a massage, smile at him as often as possible and try to make him smile.
In the second month of life, it is important to continue to develop children's vision and hearing. Objects for study are already placed at a distance of 30-50 cm from the baby’s eyes. The sounds to learn are becoming more diverse.
At two months, the most important thing for a child is physical contact with his parents.
It is important to develop tactile sensitivity by giving the child materials and toys of various textures.
To develop the ability to hold the head in front of the baby lying on a flat surface, move some bright object or roll a ball. The baby will watch him and tense his neck muscles.
Melancholic
PARENTS' ERROR
- Punish for poor performance at school.
- Shame in front of strangers.
CORRECT ACTION
- Set simple tasks and praise for completing them.
- Highlight strengths and abilities in front of others.
Fourth month
During this period, the baby already confidently holds his head, actively gestures with his arms and legs, explores them, and rolls over. Now the child is already looking at objects, and not just seeing them. He distinguishes voices and sounds. Feels the need for her mother not only to study herself, but also everything around her.
It is necessary to monitor the child’s daily routine and adjust it as necessary. At three to four months, a baby should have an average of about 15 hours of sleep. 10 at night and the rest divided into three naps during the day.
A 4 month old baby rolls over on his own and tries to move.
If the parents have decided that the baby should sleep only in his own bed, then already at this age it is necessary to put him there for every nap, to instill discipline not only in the child, but also in yourself.
Sanguine
PARENTS' ERROR
- Believing promises “later” and “after” - sanguine people tend to put off their parents’ demands until later.
- Excessive praise.
CORRECT ACTION
- Demand that the task be completed “here” and “now”.
- Always leave a growth area - praise, but always say that the child can do better.
Cooperation
Encourage help and cooperation in the family, in the classroom, anywhere. Parents are obliged to encourage children to participate in discussions, decision-making, and enforcement of discipline. In the twentieth century, the most important skill was the ability to obey and follow the rules, so parents contrasted their offspring. This is not how things are done in the 21st century. You can’t just tell children, it’s important to be interested in their thoughts and feelings, and help them find solutions. By collaborating with a child, we set the best example of the respectful and fruitful relationship that he will involuntarily strive for as he grows up.
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