How to become a confident girl - how to learn to be a decisive, sociable, strong, calm woman: advice from psychologists

This feeling grows and develops with us throughout our lives. It can not only be successfully strengthened, but also unintentionally create conditions for complete destruction. In today’s article we will try to figure out how to become a stronger, more decisive, self-confident girl/woman (advice from a psychologist) and not lose the acquired skills over time.

What it is

This is a personal quality of a person, based on three important components.

Behavior. The way an individual demonstrates his or her strength.
Feeling. How he feels that he is right and evaluates the impact on others.
Determination. Ability to make important decisions without delay.

These versatile manifestations are closely related to the self-esteem and temperament of the individual. The most common reason for lack of self-confidence is fear of the unknown. Who knows what can await us around the far corner on life's path? Not everyone is able to look openly and boldly into the future.

But none of this means that overconfidence is a good thing. Often it is fraught with much greater danger. With it, people become characterized by such negative qualities.

Excessive aggression. It manifests itself uncontrollably both in words and in deeds.
Infantilism. Indifference, which affects adolescents more often than other categories.
Negativism. It is a bad habit to consciously elevate oneself above others.

What is it like in psychology to become a self-sufficient, relaxed and self-confident woman or girl? This means acquiring resistance to the influence of negative emotions. His ability to communicate with others directly depends on how successfully a person protects himself from fear, indignation or worry.

Turn on the man!

We women always want to cry into our vests, whine about how unfair life is, and be weak. But it all ends well only in soap operas and cheap pulp novels.

The reality is harsh, “Moscow doesn’t believe in tears,” and no one likes whiners. They say that pity is a bad feeling. The only thing worse than that is self-pity. It softens us, makes us weak. and now we are already thinking: “Something is so sad today, I’ll eat a piece of cake and drink a glass of wine instead of going to the gym, so what if the excess weight will somehow resolve itself.” Sound familiar?

As a result of this behavior, we can become depressed. And instead of moving towards the intended goal, we will roll back. And in the worst case scenario, you will have to seek medical help. So stop making excuses for your weakness.

In difficult situations, it is important to remain calm and composure. Imagine that you are a man - tough, determined and strong. Would a real man cry over a broken heel and a lost wallet? Of course not!

Reasons for uncertainty

As a rule, the origins of this feeling should be sought in distant childhood. At the slightest manifestation of activity and interest in the world around him, an individual usually receives shouts from adults: “Don’t interfere!”, “You can’t!”, “Don’t touch!” So easily and simply the first signs of initiative are destroyed in the bud. But the parents are happy - their child has become quiet and obedient, to the envy of everyone.

Unwanted behavior is assessed by babies and mothers completely differently. For some, this is a way to find out what is happening around, for others, disobedience for which should be punished.

For greater objectivity, it is necessary to clarify that the absence of censure does not always guarantee the opportunity to figure out how to raise and gain self-confidence for a woman. There are a number of other reasons:

education within the family;
innate characteristics;
fear of uncertainty;
low self-esteem;
excitement;
lack of desire for a goal;
conflict with oneself;
weakened willpower;
contradictions between external and internal.

Yes, qualities determined by biology are almost impossible to influence, but social ones are completely in the power of man. Everyone can fix them.

When to be bold or self-confident

Of course, it’s great if you have become a calm and reasonable girl, but often this is not enough for self-confidence. Sometimes you need to demonstrate to others that you are capable of insolence. Don't confuse it with hysteria! So when is it appropriate?

1 - Insult.

If someone is clearly trying to hurt you, then you need to make it clear to the offender that you do not intend to tolerate it. Learn to take a blow and respond to overt rudeness in the same vein. Of course, you shouldn’t descend into “bazaar showdowns”; it is advisable to be able to put a person in his place with one or two phrases, like: “It’s none of your business,” “Your behavior is tactless,” and the like.

2 - Disrespect.

When a salesperson deliberately ignores you, when friends or family are clearly taking advantage of you, or when other similar situations of disrespect for you occur, you may well be insolent by once calmly and firmly expressing what you think about the person. If this does not bring results, start avoiding communication with him.

3 - Game.

Boldness and self-confidence can be used in completely harmless forms. It could be a playful conversation with your lover - both you and he understand that this is just flirtatiousness, and you both like it.

Confidence structure

It consists of directed emotions, determination, and the strength of the sensations experienced. With uncontrolled demonstration of negativity, communication will be difficult. No one wants to be around someone who constantly takes out his anger on others.

Fear and constant anxiety are strong deterrents. The individual becomes timid, his vital activity tends to zero. How can I learn to be more sociable with the advice of a psychologist and feel like a confident woman at work and in life?

People are divided into three categories depending on the intensity of their self-confidence.

Overly confident, prone to aggression.
Decisive. The desire to contact others and increased emotionality are their distinctive features.
Unsure. Those who lack emotions calmly do without communication and gravitate towards negativism.

Uncertainty suggests two scenarios. A person either consciously isolates himself from difficulties, tries to hide, or goes into an aggressive state. In fact, there is a third way to solve a problem - resolving difficult situations with words.

Psychologist Daria Milai

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Work on your speech!

Unconfident people often experience a number of problems with speech - they stutter, cannot formulate their thoughts coherently, confuse words or use too many filler words. Therefore, they become closed, complex and uncommunicative.

Beautiful speech is an entire art that can and should be learned. You can easily find public speaking courses and trainings on the Internet, where qualified professionals will help you learn how to speak beautifully and speak in public.

For home analysis, try recording your speech on a voice recorder. After listening to the recording, you yourself can easily understand your weak points. Communication liberates! The right contacts help a person open up!

What to do

The first thing to realize is that confidence can be acquired. Of course, one cannot exclude the influence of congenital characteristics, but one should not justify one’s own weakness with them. According to the advice of psychologists, how to become a stronger, calmer, sociable and self-confident girl, you need to act, and not wait for a miracle.

Uncertainty and fears

This is perhaps the root of all troubles. To get rid of it, you need to understand what exactly makes you afraid. Knowing what you are up against greatly increases your chances of success. Analyze your own feelings, concentrate and identify the ominous cause. Believe me, as soon as you visualize it for yourself and imagine it in full growth, it will seem much smaller and will not pose such a significant threat.

How to become self-confident and not remember negativity and indecision

Some people become very fixated on negative incidents in life. Day after day, they confirm their inadequacy and inability to cope with difficulties, fishing negative memories out of their consciousness. But our brain carefully stores not only the bad, but also the good. Isn't it better to bring him into the light every day?

The “repository” of images from the past requires special treatment.

Get into the habit of focusing exclusively on the positive. Run them through your head before you go to bed. Remember the achievements of others, rejoice at them and be charged with positivity. Never stoop to comparison.
When going through difficult life situations, take out from your “piggy bank” only what will help you cope with them and motivate you to be active.

How to restore self-confidence to a woman from a psychological point of view? This will only happen if she refuses to focus on failures. Otherwise, a vicious circle awaits her, from which it is very difficult to break out. Consciousness stalls, continues to absorb negative energy, and over time it becomes completely impossible to find at least something good in your memories.

Uncertainty as self-destruction

Absolutely each of us has amazing talent, special potential and unique abilities that are unique to him. However, fear of self-expression and active movement towards a goal turns these wonderful qualities into empty space. So, when you plan to solve a certain problem, but at the same time you feel overwhelmed by thoughts that deny the likelihood of success, you begin to doubt and eventually don’t even get down to business.

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To emerge victorious from the situation and understand how to become a very daring and attractive young girl, you will have to engage in self-development. You need to overcome yourself, destroy the wall of indecision, get rid of fears and resentments.

Exercise “Three reasons to live”

To say goodbye to uncertainty once and for all, you should master the following method.

Every day, record three successful tasks that you managed to complete. Albeit very minor, accidental ones that were not originally planned. Celebrate even the little things. The main thing is that these small achievements act as prerequisites for the emergence of faith in one’s own strength. Depending on the individual worldview, the reasons may be as follows.

“I live for my family and friends.”
“I want to achieve my cherished dream.”
“My goal is to enjoy special moments.”

This list should be re-read regularly. Believe me, gradually there will be more achievements and you will understand how to be a calm, courageous and confident girl.

How to stop being afraid of social contacts

Here it is important to give yourself the attitude that everyone who surrounds you is also living people with their own character, interests, and problems. Take a closer look at them from the outside.

Both you and your opponent have equal importance and are respected. Feel free to ask questions, be interested in details, express your opinion. After all, very often a barrier arises due to the subconscious placing of another person above the rest. This usually happens when interacting with superiors and parents. Remember, beyond the employee-manager relationship, everyone is on the same level.
Don't take anything negative personally. If you are not guilty of anything, then there is no need to worry. Most likely, the reason is hidden in someone else, perhaps in your interlocutor.
Be honest, be fair. Unreasonable feelings of guilt invariably lead to self-destruction.

Follow these tips to learn how to boost your confidence.

The psyche follows the body

In psychology there is such a concept - “forcefully evoked emotions.” For example, if you make a person laugh, he will begin to have fun of his own free will. To overcome uncertainty, you should:

every time you meet someone you know, shake hands or hug them;
Be sure to maintain eye contact.

Gradually, you will notice how your consciousness begins to respond with real determination.

How to learn to be more confident

Practical advice

You should find a hobby or activity in which you can achieve good results. Think about what you are predisposed to and do it. Perhaps as a child you were good at drawing, sewing or dancing. Get back to this activity! A person who is successful in some area of life (hobby or work) is more confident in himself.

Don't ignore problems that you could have solved long ago if it weren't for your insecurities. Would you like to go to the dentist for a long time, but are you embarrassed, causing the problem to worsen? Do you absolutely need to talk to some unpleasant person, but are you trying in every possible way to delay this moment? There can be many such examples. Until you solve the problem that has arisen, it will remain in your thoughts, and, therefore, in your life. Overcome your fear and the problem will remain in the breach. Many difficulties are solved in minutes, but instead you spend weeks and months worrying.

Don't be afraid to speak your mind. People around you may treat you completely differently than you expect, solely because they are unaware of your sincere expectations. Don't be shy about saying out loud what you want from other people. Pre-formulate a thought in your head, say it to yourself several times, and then confidently and calmly voice it.

Handle shocks with grace. Having experienced the betrayal of a loved one, faced with an illness or some kind of insult, do not give up, but try to analyze the situation. Such shocks are not a reason for depression, but for becoming stronger in the face of life's adversities.

Forget about feeling sorry for yourself. You should love yourself, but you shouldn't feel sorry. This feeling does not help improve self-esteem at all. If any trouble has happened to you, there is no need to lament your difficult fate, crawling even deeper under your “shell”. Sometimes indignation and anger at how absurdly you find yourself in such a situation can be much more useful and productive.

Take care of your appearance. It has long been no secret to anyone that the better a woman looks, the more confident she feels. You've probably noticed more than once that after getting a good hairstyle or buying something new that suits you, you feel different. If such successful innovations in your appearance occur regularly, this will undoubtedly have a positive impact on your self-esteem.

Circle of friends. Note that the wider your social circle, the better for you. Frequent communication with the opposite sex will have a positive impact on your personal life. Regularly in many cities, and perhaps in yours, events are held where you can meet other people - exciting excursions, trainings and master classes.

General recommendations for every day

Challenge your weakness daily.

Watch your posture. Always keep your back straight, walk with your shoulders back, and don't lower your head. Take your time when walking, walk measuredly. This is the only way confident girls behave. They don't run away, they proudly walk forward.
Stay in the front row at any event. Try to be noticed, paid attention, and invited to an active discussion. Yes, it won’t be easy at first, but gradually you yourself will begin to be active and strive for action.
Don't underestimate your abilities. Recognize them and appreciate yourself for them. At your leisure, make a list of all your positive traits and skills and review it regularly.
Learn to smile sincerely. With a smile on your face it is much easier to overcome any difficulties.
Look boldly into the eyes of your interlocutor. An attempt to look away can be perceived as an intention to lie.
Take action, don't sit still. Show your potential in all possible areas.

Take these tips to heart and you can become a more confident girl.

You're kidding!

Laughter prolongs life, strengthens abdominal muscles, and also helps to overcome difficulties. I remember that before exams, standing outside the classroom door, we always joked. And this really helped remove fear and embarrassment.

In my student years, humor was a defensive reaction; it appeared spontaneously and unexpectedly. Now, years later, I understand the mechanism of how jokes affect the psyche. Therefore, if I have an intractable situation in which I don’t know what to do, then a joke can at least defuse the situation. The brain switches briefly, and it is at this moment that a bright thought may come to mind. And in general, humor unites people, brings them closer, helps them feel each other and get on the same wavelength.

Sometimes you just need to smile at a stranger, and the whole world begins to smile back at you, and the day goes by easily and smoothly.

One of my friends, when she went to important meetings with company management, imagined top managers naked. This technique allowed her to overcome embarrassment and increase self-esteem. She easily managed to turn the situation in her favor and defend the interests of her work group.

Confidence and success

It is very important at a certain stage of life to believe in yourself. This is the only way to gain self-confidence and determination. It is clear that this cannot be done without compelling reasons. To do this, you need to develop virtues and accustom yourself to the right actions in specific situations. To cast aside doubts, study the signs of a confident woman or girl in the photo, what is she like? Do you want to be like her?

Advice from a psychologist on developing useful qualities of confident people

If you answered yes to the question asked above, then:

stop constantly feeling sorry for yourself;
treat yourself with respect;
watch your appearance and smile more often;
strive for self-realization;
Decide what you really want to do and what gives you pleasure.

Prepare in advance!

Knowledge is power! If you have an important meeting, a date, an interview, then try to prepare for this event in advance. Think about what knowledge you lack, what needs to be added, read textbooks, find additional information on the Internet, rehearse your speech in front of a mirror.

Remember the heroine Irina Muravyova in the famous Soviet film, who said to her reflection: “I am the most charming and attractive”? Try to do the same.

And in general, praise yourself and give compliments more often. This will give your brain an incentive to move further in the given direction. The main thing is that such praise is not groundless. If you managed to overcome difficulties, tell yourself that you are great! After all, this is really so!

Step-by-step instruction

Whether to listen to the advice of experts or not is a personal matter for everyone. The result largely depends on the seriousness of perception. Remember, female self-confidence cannot develop in a vacuum; in a static state you will not achieve anything. It is very important to imagine the task at hand in detail and boldly move towards solving it. This needs to be done step by step, thoughtfully.

Record your own achievements and successes. Don't pay attention to those who say that writing is pointless. After all, people tend to forget about the small successes that take place in their lives. This absolutely cannot be allowed.
Try to overcome fear. Achieving the desired result involves constantly overcoming obstacles on the way to it. Until you make a bunch of mistakes and learn to correct them yourself, you shouldn’t count on winning. Only experience, often difficult, allows us to reach the sky-high heights to which we so strive.
Say no to comparison. How to look and feel like a confident person? This is impossible if you constantly compare with others. Self-esteem is rapidly declining as a result.
Take failures calmly. Don’t concentrate on them too much, don’t turn eternal torment into the meaning of life. Day after day, delving into the negative, mentally going through all the worst, you will never dare to make an important decision. Understand that mistakes and difficulties are the lot of absolutely everyone. Only some overcome them with dignity, while others prefer to suffer in inaction. The choice is yours.
Criticism is not always beneficial. Proven by psychologists. Those who were constantly reproached and criticized at an early age find it much more difficult to overcome the fear of doing something wrong in the future. Set yourself up to communicate with exceptionally kind people who do not shower you with complaints, dissatisfaction without reason, or point at your failures.
Work on your speech style. Speak slowly, pronounce the words so as not to be misunderstood. Speak up, feel free to share your opinion with others.
Make a habit of praising yourself. Any woman needs this to gain self-confidence. Constant encouraging thoughts will not keep you waiting long for results. You yourself will feel how praise makes you want to immediately begin new achievements.

Signs of low self-esteem in women

Before you look for ways to increase a woman’s self-esteem, you need to make sure that she really has problems with self-confidence. Here you need to take a closer look at the young lady for the following signs:

Reliability. She does not get pleasure from fulfilling extraneous requests, but she does not know how to refuse, since she does not want to offend and disappoint.
Painful reaction to criticism. With adequate self-esteem, a woman either accepts or rejects criticism, but does not cause hysterics. Insecure women perceive criticism as a personal tragedy, since negative statements addressed to them are considered evidence of their inferiority.
Inflated criteria for assessing appearance. Due to low self-esteem, the girl is always dissatisfied with her face, weight, and hair condition. At the same time, they publicly speak poorly about their appearance, hoping to hear a refutation of their words in response.

Inappropriate reaction to compliments. These ladies love it when people give them compliments, but they don’t know how to accept them.
The woman plays the role of the victim. The girls believe that those around them have set themselves the goal of inflicting as much pain as possible. They are completely sure that all the failures in their lives are a pattern.
Giving up your own desires. Your desires and dreams come last. Young ladies put the desires of others first, without thinking about developing self-love.

Fear of decision making and responsibility. It’s easier for them to shift responsibility for decision-making onto someone else’s shoulders.
Dissatisfaction with the environment. Insecure girls believe that no one appreciates them. Psychologists say that they themselves attract those people who make them feel worthless.

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Accept yourself as you are!

I often observe people from the outside. And I recently came to the conclusion that 90% of women don’t love themselves. They constantly look for flaws in their appearance, are prone to self-examination, are self-critical, blame themselves for failures on the personal front, and underestimate their skills. With men it’s just the opposite, but we’re not talking about them.

I think that these problems also come from childhood. They didn’t like us, they told us: “roll up your lip,” “this doesn’t happen,” “you won’t succeed.” In general, they suggested that we are worthless creatures.

What we absorbed in childhood is the most difficult to change. Sometimes it turns out that by trying to eradicate our fears and insecurities, we feed them even more. Or maybe there is no need to deal with shortcomings? Try to accept them and continue to live with them as if you were one!

Love yourself and the world will love you! I often see women whom nature has not endowed with beauty. But they accepted themselves, began to take care of themselves, take care of their appearance, apply makeup correctly, select clothes and accessories. They look decent, they have charm and attractiveness. There are plenty of such examples among world-class stars - Barbra Streisand, Sarah Jessica Parker, Tilda Swinton. They were able to achieve enormous success and make a dizzying career, although they were far from beautiful.