Psychological advice to parents: raising a child at 3, 4 years old

Hysterics, scandals, disobedience and tears - this is how a 3-4 year old child shows character. Increasingly, parents are interested in raising a 3-4 year old child, psychology, advice on how to cope with violent manifestations of his character. How can you cope with parenting problems on your own? The phrase “three-year crisis” instills fear in parents long before the child turns three.

It is very important to understand the reasons for the child’s behavior, and then he can be understood and helped.

Peculiarities of age in children

The German psychologist and physiologist Wilhelm Preyer was the first to draw attention to the differences in human psychology by age. The book “The Soul of a Child,” published in 1882, changed the understanding of the phenomenon. Even a small child has many processes going on in his body that can affect his behavior and mood.

Often, children of the same age have matching traits. During this period, the child begins to test the boundaries of what is permitted, tries out for the role of an elder, actively communicates, and expresses needs. Life changes: he socializes, acquires more communication skills with different people. A lot is determined by visiting a kindergarten and walking in the yard. Communication with peers can be difficult: screaming, tears, fighting over toys. But these are predictable and inevitable difficulties. The task of parents is to control how contact with other children will take place, to guide, to teach norms.

Already now you need to have an adult dialogue with the child. Communicate like you would with an adult. At this age, children become curious - the body allows them to explore the world, not as an observer, but as an active participant. The difficulty is that the child does not understand well what constitutes a danger. The task of parents is to become more vigilant, remove possible threats from the room. Of course, it is impossible to exclude everything. Explain to your child why certain objects should not be touched.

Hysterics - be!

If you can’t come to an agreement with your child and he throws a tantrum, what should you do?

The main thing, as psychologists advise, is not to be ashamed of your child in front of strangers at this moment. This is your child and he is going through this stage of growing up. Your task is to help him, and not to make him guilty or shame him.

What actions to take:

1. Do not yell at him - this can only worsen the situation and scare the baby.
2. Squat down next to him to make eye contact and tell him that he has time to scream, the main thing is to make him feel better.
3. Ask how you can help, but at the same time, if something is prohibited, stand your ground.
4. Look around, if you are on the street and the child is sitting on the floor, check if there are any dangerous objects nearby - remove stones or sticks, in other words, secure the place of the tantrum.
5. Sit next to your child, show him that you are upset by his behavior and that he is making you sad.
6. Try to hug your child and sit him on your lap.
7. Stroke his hand or head - repeated pleasant actions will help him calm down.
8. You can whisper in your ear that you will now go and read your favorite fairy tale, or you can even start telling it quietly.
9. If all else fails, try going into another room (if the tantrum happened at home). Often, without spectators, children calm down faster.
10. After you have managed to calm the baby down, be sure to tell him that the consequences of such hysterics are very sad - the toys are scattered, the baby is all red, the mother has a headache, but do not scold him or scream.
11. The main thing is to try to find out the reason for the hysteria, try to agree that this reason will no longer upset the baby - find a compromise.

Read more: Hysterics, whims, disobedience - how to react to mom

3-year-old crisis: from angel to naughty tomboy

The parent sighed with relief, because sleepless nights and changing diapers were left behind. But the child still has tricks up his sleeve. It's too early to relax. This age is accompanied by hysterics and whims. Usually, the reasons for disobedience differ little by gender. Whether it is a boy or a girl, the baby equally tests the boundaries of what is permissible. Treat this as simple curiosity. The child is testing what he can do, not your patience. Trying to figure out why he can’t do what he wants. Why can't you buy what you like? He doesn't know that you can't have everything at once.

A simple table will help you understand why a child throws tantrums and what adults should do.

The parent knows his child well. Notice why your child is behaving this way before you reprimand. Perhaps he was just tired, sick, sleepy. Then it is better to calm the baby down and try to make him feel better. The main thing is not to spoil yourself during this period: the boundaries of what is permitted should still be clearly defined.

How to raise a boy correctly

It is important in raising a male child to give him trust and a certain amount of freedom. It is not recommended to forbid him to spend time with the children in the yard or communicate with other boys. The boy must be given the opportunity to independently find solutions to situations of confrontation.

To do this, parents should make some effort. One of the most common misconceptions among parents of both sexes is related to the difference in educational measures applied to sons and daughters. For some reason, some mothers and almost the majority of fathers think that with a boy one should not indulge in “calf tenderness” and so-called “lisping”, believing that as a result of such behavior the boy will not grow into a real man. However, things are different in reality. Psychologists have provided evidence that among newborns of both sexes, boys are born weaker than girls, so they often need affection more than girls.

Raising a child at 3-4 years old and psychology

The main mistake is considered to be “template pedagogy”. From the age of three, you need to take into account the child’s temperament type. Observe reactions, interests, behavior. Determine your child’s psychotype. There are no universal methods of education. Find an individual method, adapting to your specific needs. Then there will be understanding in the relationship. For the silent, closed, active, hot-tempered, impatient, a different approach is needed. The psychology of development of children 3-4 years old is of great importance in education. Knowing the changes that are taking place, it is easier for the parent to understand the child.

Basics:

• Now your baby has a lot of questions, don’t ignore them. Answer in clear language. If the truth is too complex to comprehend, then simplify the answer by revealing it superficially.
• Study, enrich your vocabulary. It’s bad to force someone to exercise when you’re not in the mood, you’re sick, or you’re overworked in kindergarten. The information is then poorly remembered, which means there is no benefit. The desire to develop disappears.

• Explain difficult life situations through fairy tales or toy plays. These are types of art therapy. Using plush characters as an example makes it easier to convey the realities of life.
• Teach to ask for help. If things don’t work out well, he should know that his family is ready to help. Don’t be strict, don’t ridicule: “You can’t put on a sock yourself.” Having said this as a joke, you cannot know exactly how the baby perceives the phrase.
• It is important to instill love for the world around us, people, animals. It’s good if the baby learns to carefully handle plants, pets, and birds. Such children are calmer, kinder, and can more easily cope with stress and meeting new people. They are not aggressive, the emotional background is stable.
• Encourage politeness. Teach your child to say hello, goodbye, and say thank you. Remind him if he forgets, but don’t scold him.

Daughters and sons. Development principles

Regardless of gender, there are similar developmental foundations.

• We develop fine motor skills. It has a positive effect on brain function, attentiveness and speech. Example: make figures out of pebbles or seeds, play palms, massage your palms with the saying “magpie-crow.” Act out fairy tale scenes with finger toys.
• We are developing an articulatory apparatus. We sing slowly, syllable by syllable, and do exercises for the lips and tongue.
• We do exercises and massages. Children can get bored doing warm-ups alone - join us. Turn on the catchy soundtrack. Find relevant videos. There are special programs dedicated to children's exercises. The child will need to repeat the movements of the presenter, animators, and cartoon characters.
• The child will develop correctly in the form of play. This is a relaxed way to gain new knowledge. The main thing is that the fidget has fun. “Smart” toys, books, albums with tasks, and logic games will help you. Make sure they are age appropriate. Exercises that are too complex will confuse you and the game will no longer be interesting.
• Improving memory. Please retell what you saw on the playground, what the names of your friends and cartoon characters are.
• We teach you to work and help. Some children themselves show a desire to help. If this moment has not yet arrived, then be the first to take the initiative. Start with small tasks. Always thank for your help.
• We instill “healthy” habits: stretching, brushing your teeth.
• We teach ourselves how to eat, dress, and put on shoes.
• Let's potty train, if it's still relevant.
• The child begins to perceive himself in accordance with his gender. Therefore, in order not to disrupt development, buy suitable things.

Raising a child at 3 or 4 years old if you have a girl

• Develop useful skills that you will need in life. Let me help in the kitchen. Let it be a banal matter of folding cups according to size, color, and wiping unbreakable dishes dry. Let me clean the house and water the flowers.
• Buy useful toys that will make your life easier. There will be no need for two housewives to “fight” over common items. Example: children's ironing board, toy vacuum cleaner, set of dishes, kitchen set.
• The daughter begins to repeat after her mother. If she wants to repeat her makeup to the point of hysteria, tactfully stop these attempts. Allow me to carefully look at the contents of your cosmetic bag to satisfy your curiosity. Explain: adults use this, but it is harmful for little ones. Offer to show creativity on the painted face of the princess, apply makeup with washable markers on the doll. Encourage the desire to look well-groomed: comb your hair, do your hair, wear beautiful hairpins. This will be an alternative solution to the problem of makeup, which is still prohibited.

Raising a child at 3-4 years old when you have a boy

• Instill interests that will be useful to the boy in the future. Tools, names of cars, active sports games, toy soldiers. Listen to your son's opinion. If he is more interested in soft toys, this should not be discouraged or ridiculed.
• Don't force him to play something that doesn't interest him. If a boy is attracted to playing children's kitchens and likes cooking, then perhaps he is a future chef. Maybe he will become an exemplary family man, ready to feed his loved ones delicious food.
• Take care of your masculinity. Typically, boys want to express themselves and demonstrate independence, more stubbornly than girls. They do not like restrictions on freedom and express strong protest. Provide more opportunities to express yourself.
• Don't overdo it with security. Scratched knees, falls, abrasions are inevitable. It is impossible to protect your son from all threats. Moments like these can be painful, but they provide invaluable experience. The boy begins to understand why this happened. Next time, it's better to listen to adults.

A question that dozens of specialists are working on to solve

The formation of personality and the maturation of character occurs from the very moment a person is born. Every day, the baby learns about the world around him, forms relationships with others, realizes his importance and place, and in parallel with this, he develops completely natural desires and needs. This development does not go smoothly, and critical situations and conflicts occur with a certain frequency and have similar moments at each age. This is what allowed psychologists to formulate such a concept as age-related crises. It would not hurt not only young parents, but also experienced grandparents who consider themselves to know what raising a child (3-4 years old) involves. Psychology, expert advice and recommendations from those who have experienced these tips themselves will help smooth out clashes between the little ones and representatives of the adult world.

Right wrong. 7 tips for parents on raising 3-year-old children

Psychology has studied the basics of raising a 3-year-old child and gives advice:

• Don’t hit your child, don’t spank him, and don’t slap him on the head. Even if the cup of patience is full. This is the worst form of punishment. Such actions cause moral and physical harm.
• Love is the best assistant in raising a child. Talk about your feelings, hug, spend time together. The baby should know that he is loved and you need him.
• Lead by example. The child is now carefully studying you and repeating after you. A number of problems in his behavior can be found among family members. Therefore, control yourself, get rid of bad habits.
• Eliminate bad habits from your baby while he is still small. Then it will be more difficult to deal with them. Don't resort to harsh measures. Take it gradually, even though it will take longer. But the child will not experience stress.
• Don't compare your child to other children. He already distinguishes himself as a separate person. This takes a toll on self-esteem and confidence. Such children become withdrawn, timid and lacking initiative.

Some parents wonder whether it is right to forbid something to their child. Prohibition is an important educational element. Without it, the baby will grow up undisciplined, it will be difficult for him in society. Many bans are imposed for security reasons.

• Don't let your child have everything in the world. This happens to parents who were not allowed to do many things in childhood. They try to compensate for the difficulty from childhood by giving the best they can to their children. As a result, the child becomes capricious and spoiled. In the future, he will be disappointed. It turns out that not everything works out the way you want. It is difficult for them to bear such “news”, because they have never encountered the word “no” before.
• Don't create 1000 bans. Such kids often become complex, helpless, afraid of new things, and afraid of independence. They are in dire need of outside opinion and assessment from others. While the child is only 3 years old, this does not seem like a disaster, but gradually, parents will also suffer from this.

How to raise a boy without a father

Contrary to popular belief, a boy raised by women will not necessarily grow up to be weak and weak. The statement that a boy raised without a father will grow up to be an inferior man is fundamentally incorrect and, rather, affects single mothers as a self-fulfilling forecast. It is much worse when children are raised in a family where the father is an alcoholic, where constant quarrels and misunderstandings reign, where the father raises his hand against the mother, etc. Single-parent families, first of all, are those in which there is a shortage of parental love and lack of attention.

A family where a son is raised by one woman naturally has certain problems and difficulties, but it is still better than raising children in government institutions.

How to raise a boy to be a real man - advice from psychologists

First of all, even in the absence of a father, who is a model of male behavior in a boy’s life, there must be such an example to follow. For this purpose, you can use an uncle, grandfather, coach, teacher, brave cartoon character, etc. It is also recommended to give the baby to the so-called “male” sport. Thus, the greater the number of male persons who are invariably present in his life, the better.

Mothers also need to monitor their own attitude towards the stronger sex. You should not insult men in the presence of children; also, when surrounded by men, mothers should not feel awkward, aggressive, or uncomfortable. After all, the child can feel this, as a result of which he will have mixed feelings caused by the discrepancy between the mother’s attitude towards him and the men around him, the result of which will be misunderstanding and internal conflict.

How can a woman raise a boy? When raising a baby without a father, it is not recommended to try to compensate him for the lack of male attention, at the cost of excessive “lisping” or fulfilling any of his whims. The surest decision would be to teach your son to be independent from an early age. If something doesn’t work out for the boy the first time, then you don’t need to immediately run to his aid; it’s better to invite him to try to repeat his own actions.

It is also recommended that mothers often take the position of a “weak woman” when communicating with the baby. In other words, when raising a son, a woman should not forget about her nature and be affectionate with him, a caring and loving parent, and not a magician who can solve absolutely all the boy’s problems, depriving the baby of the opportunity to try to cope with difficulties on his own. Also, such behavior will help develop in your son the ability to sympathize, pity and empathize, and teaches him to be a caring, helpful, strong man.

In addition, it is necessary to often praise the child and tell him phrases like: “you are my protector”, “you will definitely succeed!” etc. After all, for a boy growing up without a father, such praise has a special meaning. With this behavior, women reinforce the importance of the boy in the eyes of his mother.

Thus, women who are interested in the question of how to raise a man from a boy, on the one hand, need to be feminine and weak, and on the other hand, to be known as a confident and strong-willed person. Mothers raising sons without fathers should not try to combine feminine and masculine roles; they just need to remain themselves. It is also not recommended to play the role of a victim of circumstances in front of your son.

Raising a boy, a future real man, should not be perceived as a duty or a life obligation. As a result of the above, a boy raised by women in order to become a real man has all the prerequisites.

Testing parents for strength

At the age of three and four years, a little person is no longer an object doing everything according to the orders of adults, but a fully formed individual personality, with his own emotions and desires. Sometimes these desires do not coincide at all with the rules established by adults, and, trying to achieve his goal, the child begins to show character, or, as adults say, to be capricious. The reason could be any: the wrong spoon for eating, the wrong juice that you wanted a minute ago, an unpurchased toy, etc. For parents, these reasons seem insignificant, and the only way out they see is to overcome the desire of the baby, force him to do as they want and are used to doing. Raising children 3-4 years old sometimes requires incredible patience from others.

Little princesses

A girl, unlike a boy, develops more intensively, her feelings and emotions become more acute. It’s easier to contact girls, but here you need to take into account their cunning. Her mother is an ideal and example for the girl; together they find many topics to talk about - discussing doll outfits, recipes for delicious baked goods, caring for indoor flowers. The role of the father in raising his daughter is to positively influence her communication with the opposite sex. It is necessary to constantly monitor the daughter’s aspirations and capabilities and promote her maximum development.

Stubbornness - how it manifests itself

Offended beauty

Parental education is a significant contribution to the development of their child; the character and attitude towards the world around them depends on this contribution.

And if you don’t start seriously raising a child from the age of 3 and after this period, otherwise there is always a chance of completely ruining your child. In any case, children should be raised in a full-fledged family, where love and harmony reign. The daughter must prepare for the future role of a mother, and see her loved one in the role of a father, and if there is no man in the family, then such a situation can be inherited. Rejection of a spouse and divorce are problems that have their roots in early childhood. You need to find your own unique key for the girl, which will help open her heart to her parents, because trust in the family is the main thing.

Negativism is the main manifestation of the 3-year crisis