A child’s 5-year-old crisis: what should parents do? Psychologist's advice

The crisis of 5 years in a child is a period of whims, hysterics, aggression and isolation of the child. Not only the child himself faces difficulties, but also parents, who often do not know how to behave during this difficult period of time.

A five-year-old child differs from other children of other ages in the following features:

Distinguishes between “good” and “bad”, “right” and “wrong”, “true” and “false”.
He makes attempts to apply adult logic, but so far he has not succeeded.
She loves games and fiction: during the game she can turn into a princess, prince, dragon, pony, soldier and other incredible characters.
Loves the company of children of the same sex as himself.
He really needs the praise and approval of adults and peers.
Strives to be the best among his peers.
Defines his own standards and tries to meet them.
Able to tease and offend children who do not meet the invented standards.

In order for the crisis to pass more easily, close adults need to be patient and sensitive to the child’s internal problems and contradictions.

Stages of a child’s psychological maturation

A child’s behavior directly depends on the level of brain development. In early childhood, neural connections are formed, which in the future will determine the basic skills of a person: speech, motor skills, memory, reaction. In infancy, we learn about the world around us, learn to interact with living beings and objects.

Let's look at the main stages of growing up that parents should know about.

Infancy (from birth to 1 year). The most active period. At 12 months, a newborn learns to understand simple speech and the purpose of objects. The child stands, walks, and tries to pronounce his first words. The foundation for further personal development is laid.
Early age (from 1 year to 3 years). The child depends on his father and mother, but strives for independence, finding his own “I”. Establishes cause-and-effect relationships between things. There is a noticeable desire to communicate with other children. The period ends with a crisis at the age of three: the dominant phrase in speech becomes “I myself!”, the baby throws tantrums, manipulates, gets what he wants at any cost. The main goal is to gain personal space and set boundaries.
Preschool age (from 3 to 7 years). A long period of childhood. The child’s social circle is expanding: relatives, friends, teachers, casual acquaintances. Play becomes the main activity. With its help, social roles, beliefs, and views are determined. A crisis arises at the age of five, which we will talk about in more detail.
Junior school age (7-12 years). Education plays an important role. Children gain social status and determine their area of interest. There is a transition to abstract-logical thinking.
Teenage years. The physical development of the body is completed. Puberty is accompanied by rebellion, a rejection of old principles. A person develops a new system of judgment and matures.

How to help your child develop: ideas and tips

During this period, children are constantly learning, so it is important to introduce them to new sports, crafts and social situations.

Here are some tips to help parents develop the necessary skills in their child:

invite him to play more often, developing skills such as caring, responsiveness, the ability to share something with others, etc.;
sing songs and read stories that develop empathy;
Involve your child in household chores: cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. These daily chores will help him develop motor skills and responsibility;
Draw more together and do crafts. This will not only help with the development of fine motor skills, but will also tell you a lot about your child;
Spend active time outdoors: ride a bike/scooter, swim, play with a ball, etc.

How to quickly and easily teach a child to ride a bike?

Games

In the world of gadgets, even popular children's games have lost their relevance. But in vain! We invite you to remember some of them and play with your children.

Active games on the street

Bouncers

You will need at least 3 people and a ball. Two bouncers throw a ball to each other, trying to knock out the one in the middle.

Try a game of dodgeball in your yard or at the park and you will see how other kids will immediately want to join you.

2. Classics

The game is not only fun, but also develops coordination. And you can play it anywhere: both on the ground and on the asphalt.

Games for a group of children

For noisy children, you can offer a relay race game - this will help direct the children’s activity in the right direction.

Relay tasks:

walking on tiptoes;
walking with a balloon or ball without touching it with your hands;
walking with a book on your head;
pass under an obstacle (for example, stretch a ribbon between two chairs).

Draw a story

Make up a story and draw it on paper.

Think through the details down to the smallest detail, for example: “On the edge of the forest stood a house with a red roof and a brick chimney. The walls of the house..." Add heroes and you will be surprised by your child's imagination.

Box games

If you have at least one cardboard box in your house, you are guaranteed an entertaining evening. Girls can build a house for dolls from large boxes (or several small ones): paste wallpaper, make windows, arrange furniture. For boys, you can make a knight's castle, a garage with a descent or a service station.

Create a fairy tale

This game is good to play with the whole family. Its essence is to compose a fairy tale, when each participant speaks one sentence. A funny fable and a pleasant pastime are guaranteed to you.

5 years is an amazing age when you can suddenly find next to you not a baby, but a completely adult person, with his own taste and opinion. And if by the age of 3-4 it became easier for you in terms of caring for your child, then by this age it becomes noticeably easier to communicate with your son or daughter.

You already understand the child better, you can go to the cinema or museums together, travel, discuss what you see and just have fun. Enjoy the moment and each other’s company before school days begin and new worries arise!

How does a child’s behavior and psychology change at 5 years old?

At the age of 5, individual character traits appear; the child freely expresses his opinion, realizing that his views may differ from those generally accepted. It's interesting to have a conversation with him. Children's observations at this age amaze adults with their originality and depth. The vocabulary is replenished, the child easily selects synonyms and rhymes, retells the plots of books, games, cartoons, and learns poems by heart.

Kids lie more often to check what the consequences will be: it is interesting to check possible scenarios. Children often have numerous imaginary friends - their imagination works in high gear. Long-term memory functions well.

There is an interest in describing feelings and emotions, playing with role models. Preschoolers aged 5-6 years are able to minimally care for themselves - dress, wash, use cutlery.

Emotions and social skills

5 years is a period of emotional extremes. Either you notice that your child has better control over himself, then suddenly he begins to “play” at being little and seems completely helpless.

During this time, children learn to control their emotions, although they may burst into tears over an overturned glass of water. It is important to teach your child to understand his feelings and cope with them. At the same time, “coping” does not mean suppressing negative emotions.

A five-year-old child can already consciously sympathize with another or share his problems with someone.

Check how well your son or daughter's emotional and social development complies with generally accepted norms:

periodically the child tries to please people;
can distinguish reality from fantasy;
may be more independent;
realizes that society has its own rules that must be followed;

Why does a crisis occur at 5 years?

The child’s psyche and cerebral cortex develop daily, and the need for self-expression arises. Whims, unpredictable behavior, emotional outbursts, arguments - this is how personality is formed.

Communication with parents is disrupted, friends disappoint - children are haunted by a feeling of loneliness. Uncontrollability is explained by an attempt to attract the attention of elders, to confirm the significance of one’s opinion.

The child is aware of his biological sex, is interested in the differences between boys and girls, and tries to understand his place in the complex system of human relationships. It is not easy for a child to cope with the flow of incoming information, and he throws out the accumulated tension through stubbornness. Fortunately for parents, this is not forever.

Game-based learning

A 5-year-old child is a bundle of energy, a holiday, positive in its purest form. In order for him to remain this way for a long time, it is necessary not to overshadow his childhood with adult problems. Help him understand important theory through play.

These rules include:

fire safety;
Traffic Laws;
inadmissibility of communication with strangers.

How long can the crisis last?

The duration of the crisis cannot be determined in advance: it depends on the individual characteristics of the child’s psyche, the reaction of adults, and the atmosphere in the family. The transition period does not begin strictly at 5 years - sometimes a little earlier or later. As a rule, it lasts from 1 month to 1 year.

The crisis of five years of age sometimes passes easily: parents do not even notice changes in the child’s behavior. Each case is individual, and your task is to prepare for possible difficulties and follow the advice of pediatricians and psychologists.

Hyperactive or ill-mannered?

“Specialists”, whom worried parents turn to with the question of how to properly raise a 5-year-old boy, today are increasingly diagnosing hyperactivity. The child does not sit still, constantly throws toys and other people’s things around, and does not listen to anyone. Most often, in such cases, drug treatment with extremely dangerous drugs is prescribed. After this, the child no longer acts as a hooligan, but also completely loses interest in the world around him. He eats and sleeps mechanically, like a zombie.

But many experts, who are approached with questions about how to raise a hyperactive 5-year-old boy, generally deny the existence of such a disease as hyperactivity. Very often the matter lies in the usual lack of upbringing. This is most often observed in families where there is either no man or he is denied the right to raise children. It is very difficult to correct the situation; for five years a child was instilled with the idea that he is a king and he can do anything, and suddenly his rights are sharply curtailed: they are trying to force him to behave quietly, put away toys, and stop interfering in adults’ conversations. This is a very difficult situation - in most cases, even the advice of a psychologist on how to raise a 5-year-old boy is useless. Therefore, it is better to listen less to the instructions of modern experts and keep a tight rein on the child. Yes, this is difficult for parents and unpleasant for the child (although the latter adapts very quickly to new circumstances), but later it will save him from many problems, and the grown-up boy, who has turned into a man, will only be grateful.

Signs of the beginning of a crisis

How to understand that a crisis has arrived? It arises due to an internal conflict: the child discovers that desires and real possibilities do not coincide, and it is not possible to achieve complete autonomy - the parents control every step.

Unreasonable aggression. The kid is rude, snaps, refuses to follow requests. Pushes away relatives whom he used to love very much.
Hysterics. Minor failures bring tears: I couldn’t find my favorite car, I was forbidden to go outside.
The child imitates his elders, imitates them, tries to be an “adult.” Grimaces, adopts habits.
A need for solitude arises: children as young as five years old love to lock themselves in a room and create secret corners. They refuse to share information (they don’t tell how their day went, what they discussed with friends). This is explained by the desire to solve problems individually.
Phobias, nightmares, restless sleep. The child is afraid of supernatural beings and refuses to sleep in a room alone. Existential fears are also added - obsessive thoughts about painful illnesses, death, a sad future (“What if I don’t have friends? But won’t I get sick?”)
Diffidence. The child competes with peers, compares himself with others. Asks to evaluate his appearance or actions (“Do I have a nice dress?”)

Important

Understand and accept the main thing - the crisis of 5 years in children is a given that cannot be avoided. And only in your hands is the opportunity to make life as easy as possible for your baby and yourself, based on the experience of child psychology specialists and parents who have already encountered this problem.

What's good about a five-year-old's crisis?

Against the background of unbalanced behavior, it is during the crisis of five years that the child shows all his inclinations and strengths, which can help determine in which direction the baby should develop.

If your child is busy with modeling, dancing, playing musical instruments, sports, drawing, singing, then the crisis is experienced without much difficulty. Children who have something to do know what they are striving for, are passionate about interesting things and tasks, and are, in fact, engaged in building the foundation of their future success.

Of course, no one guarantees you that your child will become a great musician or athlete, but all the knowledge, skills and abilities acquired at the age of five will certainly become part of the child’s personality and will help him to realize himself. Try not to miss the moment and help your child find himself in a useful and enjoyable activity.

A five-year-old baby, whose energy has been directed in the right direction, overcomes his age crisis with ease and benefit. Developed abilities at a tender age will help him in his youth to be head and shoulders above his peers: rationally make plans for life, set goals for himself and achieve them.

Pros of the 5 year crisis

Any crisis brings not only challenges, but also new opportunities. At 5-6 years old, children reach the peak of learning and receptivity to new information, gradually learning to read, write and count. To take your mind off psychological problems, try helping your child find a favorite activity.

During the crisis of the age of five, a sea of energy appears. This fact cannot be ignored. You get an invaluable opportunity to direct the child’s strength in a peaceful direction: find a hobby, prepare for school, discover a new talent, improve health.

Physical activity will be useful - sports, team games, long walks. If your baby is growing up calm and reserved, it’s time to unleash his creative potential with the help of educational clubs.

“ONE CANNOT TOLERATE SCORING”

Some parents may find it strange to advise them to indulge children’s whims, let things go, turn a blind eye to tantrums and try to talk when it’s easier to calm the child down by shouting or spanking. Where to put the comma is up to you, but it’s better to be patient.

Any childhood crisis is a test for both sides, but it is an integral part of growing up at every age stage. This is the final stage of an entire period of childhood - figuratively speaking, the “annual control”. The task of parents is to help the child gently and without loss overcome this difficult path to the formation of a mature personality, the formation of his own “I”.

Changes after the crisis

After a sharp leap in mental development, the child becomes more balanced, listens to the advice of his parents and enjoys spending time with his family.

Strong-willed qualities of character and self-control are strengthened. The kid organizes the daily routine, sets priorities (do homework first, then rest; go to bed on time).

Character traits, tastes and preferences are clearly visible. The child judges events almost without regard to parents or friends.

Other activities in the preschool period

In the senior preschool and primary school periods, the following types of activities also intensively develop:

Visual activity. If previously the drawings consisted mainly of borrowed graphic templates, common to almost all children, then by the age of 5-6 they acquire more pronounced individual features. the image begins to include a much larger number of details and shades of color. The nature of the drawing begins to be increasingly influenced by the gender of the child, the social situation around him, etc.
Educational activities. In older preschool age, the child is preparing for the start of school life. However, along with intellectual activity, the motivational basis, physical and social readiness for school also play an important role.

Preparing for school is an important moment in the development of the rib

Advice from Dr. Komarovsky

What does pediatrician E. O. Komarovsky recommend doing with uncontrollable children?

React to hysterics calmly, with a smile, ignore if necessary. The child makes scandals in front of people who are sensitive to him. If you feel like you're ready to break down, go somewhere else. Family members must adhere to one line of behavior: the pattern “mom scolds, dad does nothing, grandma allows everything” will lead to spoiling.
Don't follow the lead of others. Do people look at you with judgment because you don't let your child take a second candy bar from the store shelf? Wait until the hysteria stops without your intervention. If you give in, the child will begin to use this technique for manipulation, acting up in front of strangers. A minute of silent condemnation is better than hours of children's screams.
It is necessary to master pedagogical subtleties not during a crisis, but much earlier. Is the child still crawling, just getting ready to take his first steps? Read about the upcoming crises of 3 and 5 years. Prepare for tests in advance.
If tantrums occur for no reason, and the child is rarely in a calm state, consult a doctor.
Adults may lose self-control: spanking, punishing, screaming. For repeated nervous breakdowns, parents should seek help from a family psychologist. Children are sensitive to the state of their elders; this behavior traumatizes them. The consequences will appear when the child grows up.
There should be a cause-and-effect relationship in the actions: if you dropped a cookie, you’ll take a second one from the pack tomorrow. If you refuse the food offered, you will get it later. There is no need to instantly correct children’s mistakes, pick up objects from the floor, or force-feed them. Form responsibility for your actions from an early age.
The important thing is the relationship between actions and time. “You misbehave in the morning, you’ll be left without cartoons in the evening!”, “If you cry, you won’t go to your birthday party this weekend!” - it is not right. By the end of the day, the child will have forgotten what happened. Report consequences immediately.
Children are entirely dependent on your will. Don't compete with them. You do not have the right to ignore biological needs by limiting healthy food, walks, sleep, but as punishment you can prohibit “excesses”: sweets, buying toys.

What should parents do? Psychologist's advice

Parents should clearly define the boundaries of what is permitted. The child must understand the established laws. This is a question not only of good behavior, but also of safety: children feel protected when there is a system of rules in life proposed by their parents.

Do not change your decisions to suit your child’s wishes. Otherwise, he will understand that you can be manipulated: “Why listen to your elders if they will agree to my demands anyway?” Forbidden today is always prohibited. The golden rule of pedagogy is “Teach by example.” It is strange to punish children for swear words if you yourself use them in speech.

Remember: the child grows, learns new things in order to realize his potential. Disobedience is a sign of independent thinking. There are no ideal children who unquestioningly fulfill requirements. Hyperobedient children grow up into uninitiative, amorphous people.

The importance of the relationship between parents

“The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother,” Veronica Dolina once said. A father who is immersed in business may not take an active part in the development of the child. But his love for his wife is projected onto his children. A tense relationship between parents brings discord into the soul of a little person - after all, he loves both equally.

Quarrels and disagreements in the family make the child insecure. This has a bad effect on his success in the children's team, regardless of his abilities. Children who are raised by both parents and have similar educational requirements grow up to be the most independent.

What should you not do?

Unfortunately, parents sometimes lose patience and raise their voices at their children. This is useless: talk calmly, softly, but persistently. Give logical arguments.
Physical violence is unacceptable. Eliminate even spanking and other “harmless” touching.
Don't take your anger out on your child. Are you feeling tired? Find another way to get rid of negativity.
Don't punish with indifference. If you see that your child has said something rude, but cannot cope with the problem without you, come and help him. Responsibility always lies with the adult.
Don't leave in trouble. The child must be sure that his parents are always ready to help - this is the basis of psychological comfort.
Don't scold for no reason. Express dissatisfaction correctly, be sure to emphasize why this or that action upset you.
Don't focus on children's lies. Offer to imagine together, write a story or draw a picture with fictional characters.
Avoid suffocating guardianship. Give your child a chance to develop freely, without pressure and external control. Show that you already trust him in many matters.
Don’t brush it off with the words “You’re doing your nonsense again.” Find time to listen, sympathize, give advice.
Don't worry too much. Every family goes through crises when their children grow up. When the unpleasant period is over, you will appreciate the fruits of patience and proper upbringing.

Emotional Intelligence for Children

We introduce children to the types of emotions, how to manage them and how to express themselves in teamwork, through situational games,
find out more

Psychology of the subtleties of education

The following statement is true: “No matter how you pretend, you won’t be able to deceive a dog or a child.” Children subtly sense the mood of those around them and their attitude towards themselves. In addition, they are able to analyze and draw conclusions.

It is not always clear to a child how to behave in a certain situation. And when a loved one gets sick or sad, he tries to distract him from bad thoughts. Any methods are used. The child cries, laughs, or plays around. If only his mother, who communicates with him every day, teaches and explains something, continues to be his favorite girlfriend in all matters and games.

Sometimes such “care” causes a lot of trouble. It is impossible to accuse the child of insensitivity and ingratitude at such moments. Under the mask of noisy fun and sudden needs, fear and excitement are hidden. The child is confused by the strange change of a loved one. Therefore, sometimes he may ask questions: “Can you hear me?”, “Can you talk?” So he tries to attract attention and clarify whether he was the reason for the sudden change.

At these moments, the child needs support. It is enough to hug him and pat him on the head. You can say a few phrases in a calm voice, without notes of irritation or dissatisfaction. Explain the current situation, even if he did not ask about it directly. The advice of another adult whom the child trusts will also help.

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