How to break up with a man completely - worthy advice from a psychologist, how to correctly, beautifully and competently tell the guy you love about breaking up.

A breakup is a painful process for both parties. The most important thing in this is to find the right time and words so as not to hurt. Sometimes separation is inevitable, in other cases it is necessary to preserve more important things, aspects of life. In the article you will learn about how to properly and finally break up with a man you love or have already stopped loving, and you will also receive valuable advice from psychologist Daria Milai.

How to break up if he still has feelings for you

Typically, this question arises from the initiator of a divorce or termination of communication. Regardless of whether it is a lover or a legal spouse, or perhaps a temporary lover for whom you yourself did not have any special feelings, you still need to gently prepare your other half for the conversation, and not immediately begin decisive action.

The main problem for the initiator is the lack of understanding of the other party. No, don’t expect a loving guy to say “Yes, everything is fine, I think so too,” he will talk about the amazing time we spent together, try to win you back.

The main rule is that there is no doubt. It is necessary to decide everything for yourself in advance and finally and then not retreat back. The second recommendation is don’t feel guilty. It’s not your fault that you didn’t succeed in developing an ideal relationship, and you don’t have to suffer and be burdened by communicating with an unloved person.

The main reasons that delay the breakup are:

Compassion and pity - strong love cannot be built on these feelings.
Guilt.
Fear for your own future. Many people think that having lost this partner, she will not find another suitable one, which is completely wrong.

All these impulses and thoughts must be overcome.

Psychologist's advice

When a love relationship ends, it hurts both sides. When planning to break up with someone, you yourself will experience a lot of suffering. In order to break up with him or her as gently as possible, and also to go through the breakup painlessly yourself, use the advice of a psychologist.

Acknowledge the positive aspects of the relationship to your partner. It would be unfair to tarnish these memories by breaking up in an offensive way or disappearing without explanation.
Be clear and confident when explaining the reasons for the breakup. Avoid uncertainty. Show respect to your partner.
Take responsibility for your decision.
Don't devalue the other person. You were important to each other, so try to show your partner that you appreciate his or her positive qualities.
Be honest about your feelings. It will hurt your significant other much more if you do not admit the real problems.

By following these recommendations, you can break up with a person without causing him heartache. Over time, each of you will remember the moments spent together with warmth and tenderness.

What's the best way to break up with a married man?

Sometimes the romance is so stormy that the partner has to cheat. What if they cheat with you? Not every girl wants to feel like a mistress, especially if her status does not plan to change in the near future. In such a separation, you also need to be decisive, but also wise - you should not ruin the life of your lover.

Reasons for breaking up with a married man

Usually the reasons are that:

The wife becomes not only a lover, but also a friend, the mother of his children. Therefore, according to statistics, no more than 5% of all womanizers leave their families for another woman, while half of the given percentage returns back.
Unusuality in everyday life. Typically, such couples spend dates with an extravaganza of feelings due to the danger and rare meetings full of passion, but the prospect of continuing the relationship and getting closer threatens the obligatory grinding process. And this again means responsibilities, housework, quarrels - many people don’t want this.
Constant lies - both on your part and on his part in front of the family. Have you also become an object of deception?
You have to share a bed with a legitimate “third wheel.” It is unpleasant to realize that a lover needs (or maybe wants?) to make love with his wife.
Material wealth mostly goes into the family nest, and envy appears.

6 recommendations

How to tell a man about a breakup:

Gradually get used to his proximity. Call and write less often, keep meetings to a minimum. This reduced activity will force you to get used to the idea of not having him around all the time.
To reduce the likelihood of a violent reaction and scandal, make an appointment in a public place here and have a conversation about the breakup.
Improve yourself. In realizing your own value and significance, the idea is born that you deserve more than to be a mistress.
Avoid random encounters. If he is your colleague or, especially, your boss, it may be worth changing your job.
Give a mild ultimatum - either marriage or “goodbye”. Explain why you do not want to lose your family home.
If he begins to pursue you, pester you, or make a scene, threaten to tell your wife about everything, but do not take decisive action prematurely, otherwise this may have a stronger influence on the angry man.

Features of correct behavior

If you have thoughts about breaking up, try going somewhere first. In practice, it often happens that the woman herself is not ready to leave. She needs to be alone with herself, in particular, to be without a partner. A very important point - during this period you should not even maintain friendly relations with him. Try to avoid talking on the phone, meetings and correspondence. This will be a waste of time on something that has not yet cooled down. Wait at least a couple of months, and then you will need to meet and talk.

How to break up with a man? How to break up correctly?

How to break up with your lover

Adultery is a common practice among married women. This is a pleasant break from everyday life, a way of revenge or an opportunity to feel desired. But sometimes such a connection comes to an end - the soul has ceased to be attracted to the beloved, or rational reasons for the break have appeared, or other circumstances. The main difficulty of separation is that the legal spouse does not find out about the betrayal, so it is necessary to separate peacefully from your lover.

Psychologist Daria Milai

Make an appointment

If you still love him

Feelings may remain, but needs require a break; for example, if there is a threat of disclosure, the husband begins to suspect something. In this case, you must use one of the following methods:

Make everything beautiful. Arrange a farewell romantic evening, you need to honestly reveal all your cards - explain why family is more important to you. If a person is loving and understanding, he will let you go.
Don't give up until the last minute. Time heals, but repeated meetings will only make the situation worse.
If it is not possible to quickly break the connection, do it gradually, weaning yourself from constant meetings.
Look for flaws. Yes, he is good-looking and charming, but the main thing is that he is a forbidden fruit, that’s why he’s so drawn to you. But for sure, like every person, he has significant disadvantages. Finding them will help you take the plunge.
Find an emotional replacement. Get joy from a new hobby, go on a trip or change your job to a more attractive one. Pleasant changes will drown out the bitterness of loss.
Sign up for my consultation. I will help you cope with many internal problems and give you the opportunity to understand yourself.

If he doesn't want it

It’s worse if the lover himself is quite happy with his status, loves you and does not want to part with you. In this case, to avoid running into an open scandal, follow the recommendations:

Do not insult your lover, do not point out his shortcomings.
Find a worthy cause, but don't make it out of hand.
Be restrained and even cold when meeting. You can talk about your problems and ask him to solve them. This will probably make you less desirable in his eyes.
Do not resort to blackmail, do not give in to persuasion to stay in response to silence on his part.

Consider the lover's psychotype

Depending on their character, people react differently to a breakup:

Face-to-face consultation

What are the features and advantages of face-to-face consultation?

Find out more

Skype consultation

What are the features and benefits of Skype consultations?

Find out more

Choleric people can flare up and show excessive aggression, be careful.
Melancholic people are vulnerable, they do not tolerate a breakup well, they can be deeply offended and very worried.
Sanguine people are good friends and optimists; they are generally understanding and will easily accept an offer to separate.
Phlegmatic people are calm, they will not object or fight for affection, but will accept the current situation.

Try to save the relationship

If both have mutual feelings, and at times there is mutual understanding, then try to maintain the relationship.

To do this you need:

Sit down and talk with a man to jointly find solutions to specific problems. Let's say you're not happy with his bad habits. It is necessary to talk openly about this with a man, and together find a way to get rid of these habits. You need to tell him why you are not happy with this. For example, a man smokes, and the smell of tobacco irritates you. In this case, he will try to quit smoking. At the same time, you should change at this time if a man is not satisfied with something in your behavior or habits. There must be a return from both partners, and a desire to preserve the relationship.
If a man is ready to change at the end of the conversation, he should be given a trial period. Let's say you give him a month to quit smoking. And during this period you see if he is trying to change in order to save the relationship.
When the conversation did not help, or violations of the contract were discovered during the probationary period, then it is worth taking a break.
Next, you tell the guy that you want to take a break from the relationship. Let's say a break for 2 weeks - live separately for this time. This will help both of you rethink and understand whether you need this relationship at all.
When the break comes to an end, and you realize that you feel great without him, as if you were “born again,” it’s obviously worth breaking off the relationship. Then you tell the guy that you should break up.
If at the end of the break you understand how bad you feel without him, and there are still real feelings besides affection, it’s worth giving your relationship another chance.
You sit down at the “negotiating table” for the second time and think and decide together how to maintain the relationship. Each party must make a certain sacrifice in order to maintain the relationship. And not only the man, but you too.
You need to agree to a second probationary period only if you really want to maintain your relationship with the guy. And not because you feel sorry for leaving him, only affection remains instead of feelings. Or you are not 100% sure of the need to break up.
When the second trial period has passed, there are only 2 options left - break up or maintain the relationship. If after the second test you understand that it was still affection, not feelings, it’s clearly worth breaking up.
Having lost interest in the guy, and realizing this during the 2nd trial period, inform him of the need to take a break. Tell him that there is nothing specifically holding you back in this relationship. You need to take a break without time limits.

It can be difficult to muster up the courage to admit to yourself that the relationship with your guy is definitely over. In this case, it is better to say that you want to take a break in the relationship without time limits, instead of saying “we need to break up.”

During the pause period, you should plunge into something new and interesting. For example, take a vacation and go on a trip, make new acquaintances, find a new job. This will help you take your mind off the breakup, not get depressed, and start a new stage in your life.

pause in relationships

How beautiful and dignified it is to part with the man you love

In this case it will not be painless. The loved one, even if he tries to accept the situation with consent, will unconsciously open the wound. Any meeting or mention of yourself can cause pain. But there are several ways that will help reduce the negative consequences.

If you are the initiator

The reason may be coldness on the part of the man. If you feel the first signs of a breakup, keep your pride and take this step. For this:

Be frank when talking, but restrain your emotions - don’t throw yourself around with tears, but don’t slap them in the face screaming about allowed youth.
Don't give in to persuasion. If you decide to leave, don't give up.
Do not give the opportunity to interpret the words differently - be extremely precise in your wording.
You should not go to the last meetings, arrange farewell parties, they will just become another.

And if he is the initiator

In this case, you just need to maintain your own dignity and inner peace. For this:

Find the motive. It is worth understanding why the breakup occurred. If the reason is you, this is a reason for introspection and change.
Identify its shortcomings and list them.
Give yourself time to cry - a day, three, a week, no more. When the term expires, cross him out of your life.
Tell a friend, a diary, or a professional about grief - sign up for my consultation.
Focus on yourself - on your career, appearance and sports, hobbies, new learning.
Perceive the past positively, remember the beautiful with joy that it happened, and not with bitterness that it has passed.

The first days after the breakup

Anger and anger will be replaced by quiet sadness, which will be replaced by nostalgia. This is a dangerous period, as your hand will increasingly reach for the phone to write or call your ex. Psychologists recommend keeping yourself busy as much as possible, leaving no time for memories. Additionally, you should adhere to several rules:

READ

A man abandoned a pregnant woman: reasons for leaving, problems of the expectant mother, the word of the law

Remove all things and objects associated with the guy. If it’s a shame to throw it in the trash, you need to put everything in a box and put it away. It’s difficult to erase a past stage from life, but after a breakup there’s no other way.
You should try to avoid places where the couple spent leisure time together. They will bring back warm memories, devoid of real appreciation. You should not come to the company with which your ex is communicating in order to reduce the risk of a chance meeting.
If you want to discuss current emotions with your abandoned boyfriend, it is better to entrust your thoughts to a diary. Talking about past happiness and current experiences can be a reason to renew the relationship. Psychologists are sure that the thought of breaking up with a loved one does not just occur to you.
It is not advisable to go to your ex’s page on a social network, admiring his photographs. Constant visualization prevents you from letting go of relationships and breaking the invisible connection.

Psychologists consider the girl’s demonstration performances to be the main mistake. If the guy turns out to be a womanizer or the breakup occurred due to infidelity, the lady begins to demonstrate how wonderful everything is with her. The falseness is felt in every word and photo, but the girl does not understand this.

In order not to become a laughing stock, you should keep the events of your life to yourself and not portray non-existent happiness.

The right way to break up with a loving man

Have you cooled down, but still feel enthusiastic looks and hope? When you are confident in a breakup, it is important not to hurt your lover’s feelings. After all, he hasn’t done anything wrong, he’s just experiencing unrequited love.

How to break up with a guy correctly and competently and do it beautifully

Let's give some recommendations:

Don’t be alone; it’s better to choose a neutral area – a cafe, a park.
Don't give false hope for a possible positive outcome.
Prepare your speech and arguments in advance.
You cannot humiliate or insult your partner.
Don't offer friendship after a breakup - this is a rare, almost non-existent phenomenon.
Put an end to it - don’t answer calls, don’t be provocative, try not to cross paths.