Psychology of mother-daughter relationships

October 20, 2018
Psychology of relationships
Lyudmila Frolova

Mom is the closest person to each of us. The most dear, gentle and beloved. Even during a woman’s pregnancy, an invisible but very strong connection arises between her and her child, which does not break throughout life.

The relationship between mother and daughter is especially striking. They go through certain stages of development, changing over the years. Having reached a certain age, any girl, as a rule, begins to copy her mother, considering her an example of what a woman should be.

However, often the relationship between mother and daughter is very confusing. They contain a lot of pain and resentment. Close people move away from love, honesty and affection. They are cold and hostile towards each other. In order to prevent a final break and make the relationship harmonious, a woman needs to understand them, avoiding certain mistakes in the future. And for this you will need to become familiar with the psychology of the relationship between daughter and mother.

Birth

The relationship between mother and daughter at the initial stage is a symbiosis of two. The calmest and safest period for the fetus is its first nine months, which it spends in the womb of a woman. Subconsciously, every person remembers that feeling of serenity and strives to find it in the world around them.

Then the baby is born. And this is a difficult test for both him and his mother. Childbirth can be painful and difficult. During birth, some newborns sometimes receive birth injuries, the consequences of which a person sometimes suffers for the rest of his life. This moment is not easy for a woman either. After childbirth, serious hormonal changes occur in her body, financial difficulties arise, and violent emotions appear, ranging from joyful feelings to prolonged depression.

The mother’s condition has a direct impact on the baby’s psyche. But at the same time, a newborn daughter also begins to influence the woman. Sometimes a child who has received certain injuries during childbirth does not respond as actively to affection and intimacy as the mother would like. And this can already become the source of the beginning of misunderstanding in relations between close people.

Despite this, in the first year of a girl’s life, the psychological symbiosis of the mother-daughter relationship continues to persist. After all, the baby is helpless and requires constant attention and care. During this period, the woman devotes all her time to her and introduces her to the world around her.

At the symbiosis stage, girls need their mother's love. They completely trust their loved one and learn many things from him. Mom, in turn, needs the devotion and unconditional love of a little child’s heart. At the same time, she becomes the best and most beautiful in the world for her daughter. If at this stage the girl lacks attention, then she can remain at the stage of symbiosis for a long time. At the same time, in the future the child will try to please the mother in order to win her love. In this case, the child will not develop his own interests.

Growing up

Approximately 1.5-2 years of a child’s life, the relationship between mother and daughter moves to the next stage of its development. The baby is already beginning to separate herself, trying to do something on her own. However, during this period, the woman should still be nearby, ensuring the safety of her child. This is confirmed by examples when we see that a baby playing happily looks around from time to time, looking for his mother with his eyes. If he doesn't find her, he starts crying.

Later, at approximately 7 years of age, girls begin to actively identify themselves with their mothers. They have their own girly things to do. The daughter learns from her mother how to sew and cook, choose clothes and dress up. At this stage, a new stage arises in the psychology of the relationship between mother and daughter. The girl no longer needs a symbiotic relationship, and she has her own secrets and hobbies.

Requirements are too high

A mother should exude warmth and security, she should accept her daughter for who she is, encourage her to follow her own path and give her protection and guidance whenever she needs it. The daughter wants love from her mother, the highest form of love, unconditional love: mother's love. And she doesn’t understand why they point out things to her and try to instruct her, but they don’t show enough tenderness.

Why is that? Because mother is only human. Because she probably didn't experience that love from her mother because she didn't have a model to learn from. Many mothers understand that they need to train for anything and everything, but it is impossible to be prepared for everything while raising children. In relationships with your daughter, your own traumas often awaken in places where they are not expected. That's why so many bad things happen.

Physiology

My daughter is growing up. Various physiological changes occur in her body, which also affect the mother. A woman sees her child grow from a little girl into a young woman. And this leaves its mark on the relationship between mother and daughter. Sometimes this frightens and worries an adult. Sometimes mothers get jealous. But this feeling occurs only if the woman’s growing up was not easy, and she considered herself lonely. In such cases, mothers simply cannot cope with the physiological changes that occur in their daughters. This sometimes alienates close people from each other and devalues their relationships.

As daughters grow up, they become especially vulnerable. They need the support and advice of a loved one in order to accept their new look. But sometimes mothers ignore this moment. Then the girls develop indignation, mistrust and fear. This serves as the next brick of alienation in the ever-growing wall of misunderstanding between close people.

The key to the solution: what the daughter needs to understand

In this situation, the key to the solution is the daughter’s awareness of the problem. Indeed, in most cases, relationships of dependence become the absolute norm. And in such a situation, people do not see the consequences of the problem. And there can be many of them: unsettled personal life, failures at work, lack of friends, financial difficulties, etc.

Many will object: “But these problems are not always a consequence of the relationship with the mother.” Yes it is. An unhealthy relationship with your mother has a number of characteristic symptoms. Namely:

For any reason, you constantly consult with your mother..
Without a parent, you cannot make a single decision , constantly afraid of making a mistake.
Mom's disapproval causes a panic attack.
If you are forced to say “no” to your mother, then an acute feeling of guilt arises..
You are comfortable only with your mother , and in her absence you experience fear and uncertainty.

If any of the above is present in your life, know that this is a relationship of dependence and you need to get out of it urgently.

Creative activity

Already at 3-4 years old, girls begin to search for themselves in this life. They have creative impulses designed to answer the question of the direction of realizing the potential given to them by nature. During this period, some mothers face their own negativity. It arises from the expectations that they place on their daughters.

Many mothers create a certain image for their child, without paying any attention to his aspirations and talents. By doing this, they transfer their dreams and unrealized plans to their children, directing them along a path that is alien to them. By breaking the character and will of her child, a woman is unlikely to achieve good results. On the contrary, bad relationships between mother and daughter become the norm. The wall of misunderstanding between them grows almost to the skies.

The girl will begin to defend her rights to individual needs. At the same time, her mother wants the best for her. Sometimes the opposite situation arises. The mother’s opinion begins to dominate so much that the girl perceives it as the only true one. At the same time, the daughter begins to suppress her needs and desires, striving to live up to the ideal brought to her. However, the mother should keep in mind that in this case, sooner or later the girl will have to face the development of neurosis.

Mother-daughter games

When it comes to competition with your mother, it is very easy to give in and discard all thoughts of leaving your parent's nest. Mom is the closest and dearest person. The only person you don’t want to quarrel and argue with is her. Such thoughts doom many girls to lifelong addiction.

Remember the jokes about mothers-in-law who haunt and cause nervous breakdowns in the poor son-in-law? This is exactly the kind of mother-in-law that a mother risks becoming if she does not allow her daughter to realize herself as an adult and independent girl.

Don’t play with your mother’s love, take your own path and boldly walk along it.
Otherwise, you risk becoming a character from another sad joke. Team Growth Phase, Growth Phase

Female influence

As she grows up, the girl gradually begins to realize that she is capable of attracting the attention of the opposite sex. Her mother also interacts with her daughter’s sexuality. Adult women experience a wide range of emotions during this period. Its manifestations begin with envy and rejection and end with acceptance and tenderness.

The psychology of the relationship between mother and daughter is moving to a new stage of its development. The woman carefully observes the girl’s behavior with friends and fans, as well as her romantic preferences. All this leaves an indelible imprint on the manner in which their further communication will take place.

The final formation of the psychology of the relationship between mother and adult daughter in one direction or another will directly depend on whether the woman accepted the girl’s sexuality for herself. Sometimes adults during this period allow themselves to treat young people rudely. Such an attitude will cause the daughter to begin to see her mother as an enemy. Correcting such an error in the future will not be easy.

It is no secret that adolescence is a difficult period in the life of not only parents, but also children. This is a time when you have to cope with strong emotions, which sometimes seems like an overwhelming task. At the same time, the psychology of the relationship between mother and adult daughter is often quite complex. How should a woman behave so as not to lose authority and trust in the eyes of her child in the future?

“Mom, I’m ashamed of you!”: why teenage girls think their mothers are stupid

To advance in their development, teenagers need to distance themselves from their parents internally (and sometimes externally). Young people who are too “attached” to mom and dad are unlikely to find their own path in life. A good and proven way to differentiate yourself from someone and distance yourself from them internally is to call them “stupid” or retarded. To some extent, take away authority.

For example, teenagers are often ashamed of their parents and even believe that they deliberately embarrass them and even disgrace them in front of their friends. It is also an opportunity for someone to outline and signal: “I am different!” And since I’m different, that means I can live the way I want.

As a consolation for moms and dads: you can only ever embarrass someone you are emotionally close to, because strangers are usually not embarrassing! This means that the connection with the child is not lost, it is simply modified.

So you shouldn’t be personally offended if your daughter thinks that her mother is disgracing her or acting stupid. The growing child still loves his parents just as much as before! However, this form of distancing is necessary to achieve greater autonomy.

Relationship with adult daughter

Sometimes in life between close people there can be complete harmony or outright hostility. But at the same time, the relationship between mother and adult daughter will never be neutral.

If a woman often criticizes her child, this may indicate her dissatisfaction with herself. The same applies to the reverse situation. An adult daughter's reproaches against her mother are an indicator of her failure in life. After all, blaming is always much easier. But not everyone can take responsibility. This behavior is usually characteristic of immature individuals.

Areas of life that will have to change

In such situations, young women very often have problems with finances. If this is your situation, you will have to work hard. You may have to work two or three jobs, learn a new profession, or even more than one. Here you need to make every effort to become financially independent . This will give you a feeling of support.

Circle of friends

Assess your social circle. Who does it consist of? How do these people treat you, and how do you treat them? Think about why you need these people and what role they play in your life. If you have no friends at all, try to find them.

Create meaningful relationships: someone helps you, and you help someone. The more people who support you, the better.

Life position

Now only you will make all decisions in your life. At the same time, be prepared to take responsibility for them. In addition, you have to solve all your problems yourself and take the initiative into your own hands. Love difficulties and they will turn into simple solutions.

You might be interested in: the power of persuasion and self-confidence - what is the secret and can you achieve this on your own?

Instilling feelings of guilt

What causes complex relationships between an adult daughter and her mother? Sometimes some women try to instill in their child the idea that he is in an unpayable debt to them. In the psychology of complex relationships between an adult daughter and mother, it is not important what situation became the reason for such a conclusion. It is likely that in this way the woman makes up for her lack of fulfillment in the profession or tries to explain the lack of attention from men. The mother may believe that this is why her daughter should always be near her, otherwise she will turn out to be an ungrateful selfish person. As a result, the girl will have to choose one of the following models of behavior for herself: to be indignant and demand the right to personal space; experience a constant feeling of guilt and devote your life to your mother.

Daughter’s mistakes in relationships with mother, mother and adult daughter: conflicts

Indulging in maternal scripts . The daughter either adapts to her mother. Feels constant discomfort. Or he goes into open conflict, thereby destroying relationships.
The desire to change the mother . The daughter is trying to convince her mother that her views on life are already outdated and she needs to change. But it is unrealistic to change an adult, fully formed personality without her desire.
Mother's punishment . Often the daughter tries to make her mother feel guilty by remembering her grievances from childhood.
Decreased attention to mother . When a daughter begins to live her own life, very often the mother is relegated to the background. Calls are becoming less frequent, visits are becoming shorter. The mother begins to feel lonely and unnecessary.
Tendency to judge mother's life . Everyone has their own life and their own mistakes. Therefore, criticizing a mother for her failures in life is extremely tactless.

Daughter's marriage

A difficult relationship between a mother and an adult daughter can develop due to the woman’s reluctance to let go of her child. Some mothers do not understand how they can exchange them for a young man. However, the situation does not change even after the daughter has already gotten married. In this case, the woman may continue to impose thoughts that it is best if everyone lives under the same roof. However, it is unlikely that relations will improve after such a unification. Quite the opposite.

Often difficult relationships between mother and daughter develop due to the discrepancy between their ideas about the ideal man. The mother-in-law shows dissatisfaction with her son-in-law, because he does not correspond to the image she created. It doesn’t matter that it’s simply impossible to find the ideal person. If the daughter’s chosen one does not meet the criteria of a “perfect” man, the mother begins to prove the error of her choice. Often because of this, young people get divorced. Nevertheless, the daughter, having brought a new life partner, will hear the same things about him, because not a single young man can live up to her mother’s expectations. Such a conflict situation will never be resolved. In this case, the daughter will become so distant from her mother that she will never be able to find out anything about the family life of her child.

But sometimes daughters blindly follow their parents' instructions. In this case, some mothers, demanding the marriage of girls, themselves find potential suitors for them. What to do in this case? You will have to come to terms with or begin to suppress all attempts by a loved one to take part in this process.

Situations like these that a young woman finds herself in have a significant impact on her worldview and life. In addition, all this brings discord into the relationship between mother and adult daughter. If communication between close people is reduced only to reproaches and imposing one’s point of view, then it will simply become impossible.

The main mistakes that mother and daughter make towards each other

In my work as a family systems therapist, I regularly encounter the fact that grown children and parents want to have good relationships with each other. And very often this becomes impossible. Especially in the relationship between mother and daughter.

What is the reason that communication between mother and grown daughter does not work out as we would like?

The most common mistakes made by mothers

Perception of an adult daughter as a small child.

Very often, a mother continues to perceive her adult daughter as a little girl who does not understand anything and cannot cope with anything herself. Based on this perception, the mother builds communication with her daughter as with a little girl. At the same time, the mother does this so unconsciously, out of good intentions, that she sincerely does not understand why her daughter is dissatisfied.

Why does a mother continue to see her daughter as small?

There are several reasons. The main ones:

The mother's fear is that the daughter, having felt independence, will leave, and the mother will be left alone, without her. There will be a feeling of uselessness, abandonment, abandonment. It's very scary!

Therefore, the mother unconsciously begins to show her daughter that she is still small, cannot do something, does not know how to do something, but she, the mother, is well versed in this, knows better and knows how to do it. Thus forming in the daughter the feeling that “I myself, without my mother, can’t cope with anything,” which means I need to “hold on” to my mother. But my adult daughter already wants independence. And then she has an internal conflict and difficulties in communicating with her mother.

Fear of old age and death.

Very often in my practice I come across the fact that mothers have the feeling: the younger the children, the younger I am. As soon as the daughter grows up, the feeling of “I’m old” arises. And I really don’t want this. Therefore, the mother unconsciously begins to keep her daughter for herself in the form of a little girl. And then he feels young inside. At the same time, my daughter has already developed a fear of growing up. Therefore, she unconsciously begins to play along with her mother, remaining small. But the daughter’s internal need for independence and autonomy is not satisfied. And difficulties in communication are inevitable.

Lack of recognition of the daughter as a separate person.

Growing up, the daughter has already formed her own vision of life and the situation. You have your own experience, your own opinion, your own ideas, your own knowledge, your own desires. And they can be very different from the mother’s ideas.

For example, a daughter met a man whom she loves. Builds relationships with him the way they like. Feels happy. And the mother has her own ideas about what her daughter’s man should be like, how they should live so that her daughter is happy. And then the mother begins to interfere in her daughter’s life with her ideas. At the same time, she does this with the best intentions, not paying attention to the fact that her daughter is already happy. The daughter is torn between her own happiness and her mother’s ideas about happiness for her daughter. An unpleasant situation that leads to difficulties in communication between mother and daughter.

The main reasons that a mother does not recognize her daughter as a separate person:

Unfulfilled dreams of a mother.

Very often a mother wants to realize her dreams through her daughter. That is why, in childhood, the child is taken to clubs and sections that the parents like, and not where the child would like. For example, a mother took her daughter to learn to play the piano. Great instrument, great teachers. Only the daughter finds no pleasure in these activities, no matter how hard her mother tries to persuade her. The girl dreams of quickly completing her training on this instrument and abandoning it.

The same thing continues into adulthood. The mother is busy making her dreams come true through her daughter. And the daughter, out of love for her mother, tries to please her in this. But at some point it will become very difficult for the daughter and difficulties in communication are inevitable. Too many grievances and complaints will accumulate. This will interfere with communication.

"The truth is always the same."

The mother's internal distorted idea that there can only be one truth. And, if the daughter’s ideas differ from her ideas, then someone here is definitely wrong. And I don’t want to be wrong. Therefore, the mother begins to insist on her own, and the daughter tries to defend hers. And in this interaction there is a struggle for the right to exist. But there really is no winner or loser here. Both lost. I know a lot of examples of how a mother and daughter do not communicate for years, while both suffer. Distorted ideas that there is only one truth, and it is mine, do not allow these women to hear each other and see that everyone has their own truth, and if ideas differ, this does not mean that only one opinion has the right to exist.

Competitions with my daughter.

Very often in practice I see that a mother unknowingly gets involved in the competitive process with her daughter. For example, a daughter calls her mother and wants to get support from her on an issue that worries her. And the mother begins to talk about how difficult her life is. And against the backdrop of this story, of course, the daughter will still have a feeling of guilt for disturbing her mother, who has plenty of problems without her. Or another common example: a daughter talks about how she managed to prepare a delicious dish for dinner. And the mother, instead of just being happy for her daughter, says that she has known and prepared this dish for a long time, even improved the recipe, thanks to which it has become much tastier. And so every time. After some time, the daughter wants to contact her mother less and less, and communication becomes more and more formal.

The main reasons for this reaction in the mother:

The habit of comparing yourself with others.

This pattern of behavior on the part of the mother suggests that in childhood her parents compared her with other children. However, most often it is not in her favor. For example, “yes, you got an A at school, but Mashenka brought two A’s home. Yes, you did your homework, but Irochka did her homework and managed to prepare dinner.”

Now a woman has the opportunity to compensate for this. Therefore, the mother unconsciously begins to compare herself with her daughter, but already showing herself what a great mother she is.

The distorted idea that only one person can be good in a relationship.

Comparison with other people in childhood leads to the child developing the perception that only one person can be great. And, if someone else nearby is already good, then unconsciously the person begins to feel bad. Internally it is difficult to agree with this. Therefore, there is a reaction to show the other that he is not entirely great, and to regain this place, and with it the feeling of his goodness. In my practice, very often there are situations when mother and daughter unconsciously fight for this right to be good, as if there is only one place.

Lack of internal sense of self-worth and importance.

Very often in childhood, a child is taught that he is significant only when he was able to prove something to someone, when he was able to achieve something. For example, he won a competition, received a certificate, was the first to do something. And without this it is not significant and not interesting. Having received such a message from parents, the child learns to live in constant proof of his own worth and importance. To do this, he needs to constantly participate in competitions and prove his superiority. Over time, without this, a person cannot feel respect for himself. And then he is forced to organize secret competitions for himself, continuing to prove that he is interesting and significant. This is why many mothers unknowingly organize competitions with their own children, especially with girls. For example, a mother emphasizes to her daughter: “I told you that you shouldn’t have done that! I knew it wouldn't end well! And you, as always, didn’t listen to me.”

At this moment, the mother emphasizes her importance at the expense of her daughter. It’s an unpleasant form of communication; you’re unlikely to want to continue it.

Presentation of grievances and claims.

Very often, communication between mother and daughter comes down to clarifying relationships, presenting grievances and claims. And this type of communication suits no one. At the same time, mother and daughter do not learn to cope with this.

The main reasons for the formation of complaints in communication:

Mother's expectations.

At one time, her mother was a girl who endured a lot and forgave her mother, obeyed her in everything, giving up her desires. Now she has grown up and expects similar behavior from her daughter. But the daughter has the right to behave differently than her mother wants. And then the mother becomes offended. After all, “I behaved differently towards my mother. And this was a manifestation of love for her. This means that my daughter doesn’t love or respect me if she acts differently.” Such a chain leads to pain and resentment, giving rise to claims and accusations. And communication becomes impossible.

Mother's internal perception.

Because of her own internal ideas about herself as a person who is forced to endure everything, to give up her own in favor of someone else’s, because of internal feelings of uselessness and insignificance, the mother cannot feel appreciation, love and gratitude from her daughter. When her daughter was little, the mother sacrificed something important for herself for her daughter. The woman did this primarily because of her own internal idea that she was a bad mother and the desire to prove the opposite. To do this, it is important to comply with generally accepted ideas that a good mother is one who has given up her life, does not take care of herself, but lives only for her child. For example, many women, while the child is small, stop doing things they love, don’t go where they would like, and stop taking care of themselves and looking after themselves. They make such a choice, shifting responsibility for it to the child. Although the child does not need this at all. And then they present claims to the adult daughter that, for example, she prefers to go on a date rather than sit next to her mother. At a time when her mother did so much for her.

Even if the daughter begins to sacrifice her life, the mother cannot feel her love and gratitude. What prevents this is resentment towards oneself for depriving oneself of the joy of life. After all, the child is not really a hindrance to the mother in her affairs. But the mother does not want to admit this and makes her daughter the cause of all her troubles. She tries to get even on her, demanding compensation for the sacrifices that she, the mother, made in the name of her daughter.

Lack of desire to learn to develop relationships.

Any relationship requires development. They will not develop on their own. It takes effort to make this happen. And I really don’t want to do this. It is much easier to always behave the same way than to learn to interact with your adult daughter in a new way. This leads to a lot of tension in relationships. After all, what was good for you when she was five years old is now outdated, like a dress that we grow out of or over the years it wears out and becomes uncomfortable.

And these are the main mistakes in interactions on the part of the mother.

What can an adult daughter do wrong on her part?

Maintaining mother's scripts.

At a very early age, a child may develop a need to be “good” to his parents. Growing up, unconsciously, internally this need may remain with the daughter. And then very often the daughter begins to either play along with her mother in what I described earlier, or enter into confrontation and fight with her for her rights. In any case, this may be an unconscious desire for the daughter to feel “good.” Moreover, both of them are a continuation of the usual interaction scenarios.

The desire to change your mother.

Very often, adult daughters try to teach their mother, unconsciously demanding that she change. You can waste time trying to change your mother, but it does not benefit the relationship.

Mother's punishment.

Very often in my practice I come across the fact that adult daughters try to take out grievances and punish their mother, “restoring justice.” For example, they leave for other countries and cities, stop communicating with their mother, and when communicating, they remind her of biographical facts in every possible way, trying to unconsciously make the mother feel guilty.

What to do? How is it possible to improve the relationship between a mother and an adult daughter (and not only)?

These recommendations are suitable for both mother and daughter.

Remember and regularly remind myself, while in direct communication, that my daughter has already grown up. She is an adult and can handle what is happening in her life. Learn to believe in your children and their abilities. Daughters should remember that she has already grown up, and this is a fact that does not need to be proven. Stop wasting your time on this.
Find a hobby where you will feel interest and joy in the creative process. Start communicating with people who are interesting to you on topics that are interesting to you.

For example, a circle of film lovers. And we watched an interesting film, and immediately discussed it with other people. Or cooking classes: we cooked something together and immediately discussed the result.

Remember that each of us can have our own opinion. And they can be different. Every opinion has the right to exist.
Stop wasting time challenging the opinions of others. Learn to be interested in what her opinion is related to? Why did she have this idea?
Start realizing your dreams. Moreover, my daughter is already an adult and she can move on to her own life. To do this, remember your dreams, write them down and see what from this list you can start realizing now?
Stop comparing yourself and your daughter. Daughters should stop comparing themselves to their mother. You are you, she is she. Learn to rejoice and worry about each other without comparing yourself to her.
Remind yourself that there is plenty of space. That there is no need to fight, each of you is good. Try to monitor and stop the process of competition, which may begin unconsciously.
Mothers learn to praise their daughter for her achievements, without naming your skills. Learn to sympathize with her in her experiences. And, if you really want to give her advice or express your opinion, ask her if she wants to hear it. Understanding and accepting that she may refuse you. And that's her right. Your right to ask her what she wants to hear from you now. What help does she need from you now?
Daughters should stop changing and punishing their mother. And it's very difficult. Attempts to independently understand this situation lead to even more disastrous consequences. If you notice something similar in your actions, from what I wrote about, it makes sense to contact a specialist for help.
Everyone should deal with issues of internal perception of themselves, working through their own fears, grievances, and claims. Learn to interact with each other in new ways. And to do this, seek help from a specialist.

Have an interesting and enjoyable conversation with each other!

Daughter's decision

What paths can a girl choose to get rid of constant reproaches?

1. Distance yourself. Sometimes communication between close people becomes so unbearable that it constantly ends in scandals. Limiting it would be the best solution for both parties. Of course, achieving this is not as easy as it seems at first glance. After all, women often continue to live under the same roof. The best solution in this case would be to find a new place of residence for your daughter. And even if it is very inconvenient. An adult daughter must set clear communication boundaries and learn to say “no.” In this case, the mother needs to realize that no one is trying to inflict certain moral damage on her. It’s just that an already matured child makes it clear that he has the right to his own life.

2. Find the edges of contact. Women who have lived together for many years cannot help but have common interests. In order to improve the relationship, some will need to go shopping, while others will need to go to the cinema or theater together. But in any case, both mother and daughter should find themselves in a situation where they feel at ease. Being in a good mood, they are unlikely to start a scandal.

3. Conducting a constructive dialogue. Sometimes, to improve relationships, all people need is a heart-to-heart talk. Perhaps many adult daughters have already tried to do this, but their mothers perceived such a step as an attempt to reproach them for something. Most likely, the conversation should be conducted differently. His daughter should start with the fact that she loves her mother and understands that she is worried about her child. However, she does some things that offend. Such statements will be an impetus for the mother to listen to her daughter’s position and accept it.

Mom is like an enemy.

Alas, it often happens in our society that the closest person - the mother - becomes an enemy for her daughter. This can only happen occasionally, at the time of a quarrel. But there are also particularly difficult cases when long-term grievances and conflicts develop into a lasting hostile attitude towards each other. Let's consider the reasons for the formation of such relationships.

Psychologists and psychotherapists conditionally divide the relationship between mother and daughter into three stages:

Mom, hug me.

This is the period of childhood when the child is completely dependent on the mother, when she is the main person in his life and without her he feels helpless.

Mom, let me go.

This is adolescence. The individual begins to realize his independence and becomes interested in the world around him. Excessive care and protection of the mother is no longer needed. This is a time of rebellion, protest, leaving home. But the fragile personality is not yet fully independent, and still returns to his mother, home.

Mom, leave me alone.

This stage occurs when the personality is fully formed and independent in social and material terms. The child is no longer a child, and does not need parental care, advice, and even more so, instructions on how to build his life.

These three stages are the norm in the family. And if both parties (both mother and daughter) perceive them normally, with understanding and loyalty to what is happening, the relationship is preserved. If there is a protest against their natural development, if one of them does not let go and forces the other, dissonance arises. And the result is enmity.

Now let’s look at what mistakes a mother and daughter make in relationships, and I will try to offer you possible options for correcting them.

For those who have recently become a mother, these tips will be very useful for properly raising their daughter in the future.

Birth of grandchildren

Often, after an adult daughter has children of her own, women become closer. Grandmothers always become more loyal. At the same time, their adult daughters gain life wisdom.

However, predicting a mother's mood is quite difficult. After all, some women rejoice at the appearance of grandchildren, while others begin to consider themselves old. Often grandmothers think that their daughters are raising their children incorrectly. In this case, they begin to give their grandchildren their unspent love, while making it clear to their daughter that her upbringing principles are bad.

Grandmothers should understand that parents themselves must educate their children and shape their character. Representatives of the older generation should only love their grandchildren and help young people to the best of their ability.

Two in one boat

Often, in difficult mother-daughter relationships, the offended party believes that only she suffered. At the same time, it is not at all considered that the conflict caused moral damage to the other side. The psychology of the relationship between daughter and mother can be so complex that sometimes it is impossible to understand which of them has it worse. Both consider themselves victims.

But mothers and daughters, when they complain about each other, must understand that they have to go through the main stages of their female journey together. In moments of crisis, they become similar to each other, like two drops of water. Both of them are just frightened girls - small and big. The two of them have received a challenge from their inner world and cannot cope with it. If this is not understood, then mother and daughter will have to continue to build barricades throughout their lives, being on opposite sides. It is not right. It is important for loved ones to walk alongside you. They must support each other throughout their lives, understanding that they are inextricably linked with each other.

How relationships between daughters and mothers change

As we have already said, this topic is very popular due to its relevance. Moreover, it has been on the “agenda” from time immemorial. After all, there is always at least one side of the mother-daughter relationship. If we are not always mothers of daughters, then at least we are already daughters. And everyone knows firsthand the pitfalls and surprises in this type of relationship. And they begin at the stage of bearing a child.

After all, the mother passes on all her genes and eggs to her heiress, and within 9 months, the child becomes a small repetition of the mother’s body.