Relationships are always a rather difficult issue that people work on throughout their lives. And very often the relationship comes to an end. The process of separation is not easy to go through. It is especially difficult for girls who decide to tell their boyfriend about their decision in writing.
How to write a goodbye letter when breaking up
In the lives of many couples, unfortunately, there comes a time when it is necessary to put an end to the relationship. Sometimes this may be the last telephone conversation or meeting, and sometimes it may be a farewell letter. If you know that it will be difficult for you to find the right words to break up while looking a person in the eyes, then such a message will be the best option for you. Farewell often leaves many negative moments in the memory of once close people, but sometimes with the help of a letter you can show yourself from a more advantageous side, avoid unpleasant scenes or restore relationships. So, what rules should you follow?
1. Start with a draft
If you sat down to write farewell words to a person with whom you were together for some period, then, most likely, you are now overwhelmed by a heap of thoughts. It is not at all necessary to try to convey all this confusion to a man - it is possible that closer to the third page he will get tired of reading or will not understand you at all. First, write on a draft everything that you would like to convey to your ex-lover. Re-read what you have written, highlight the most important things, organize the letter - do not move from topic to topic, periodically returning to one of them again and again.
2. Decide on a goal
Decide right away what you want more - to erase this person from your life forever, or to let him understand where he was wrong, so that he can correct the situation and return your favor. In the first case, you should be as laconic as possible: describe what did not suit you in your tandem, explain why you no longer see a future in such a union, thank you for the good moments and finally wish harmony and success. There is no need to find out anything and shame the man - this can turn into a protracted conflict, instead of the final point.
If your goal is to change your relationship for the better, then it is better not to position your letter as a farewell letter. Start something like this: “I’ve been wanting to share these thoughts with you for a long time, but I didn’t know how to start.” Without reproach or appeal to conscience, tell your loved one how you feel. Avoid the word "you"! This will put him on the defensive and you won't get what you want. Write about your feelings, your experiences, what would make you happier. Forget the phrase: “If only you called more often!” Instead, use: “If only we could communicate more often.” Describe all your complaints in a similar way.
Farewell note to your loved one if he cheated
In this case, the text of the note depends on whether the man regrets cheating or has chosen someone else. Also important is the fact of whether you are ready to forgive his offense.
Beloved betrayed and stayed with another
With such a development of events, you probably did not have time to immediately get your bearings and say goodbye to your lover with dignity. Now you can fix this with a note. If you want to sow the seed of doubt in his decision, then there is no need to write that you are ready to forgive him and become what he wants. This can only cause a range of feelings from pity to irritation. Instead of tearful words of prayer, write that for the last few days (at least a couple of days must have passed since the breakup), you have been thinking about the current situation, and came to the conclusion that everything happened as it should have happened. Note that you really stopped understanding each other a long time ago, and both of you did not have the strength to fight for your feelings. Make it clear that in your thoughts you have always seen your future together as happy, and you are sorry that this did not happen. Nevertheless, you look forward with optimism and believe that everything will be wonderful for you personally, which is what you wish for him.
Keep all the grievances to yourself - he himself knows that he did not do very well. Your goal, in any case, is to make him understand that you are above “running” after a cheater. Yes, you were ready to work on the relationship, but if it didn’t work out, then so be it. Life moves on and new love awaits you ahead with exciting first dates and confessions - even if it seems incredible to you now.
Save a relationship after cheating
In this case, your message cannot be fully called farewell, but it will make the chosen one think and, perhaps, for the first time in a long time, feel the fear that you may be lost to him forever. Having found out that the man who cheated on you wants to continue the relationship with you, write him a letter in which you ask him to pause to understand the current situation - for example, for a week.
Convey to him that you cannot simply forget about the event that happened and continue to spend time together as if nothing had happened. You need some period to understand why everything happened this way, to come to your senses and collect your thoughts. After several days of reflection, of course, you will have a meeting at which you can voice that you are ready to move on and build your relationship, but you have definitely decided for yourself that you will not forgive betrayal a second time. However, you can also write all this after the “pause” period has expired.
Farewell letter to the guy you love
It is very difficult to say goodbye forever to a person for whom love has not passed. However, it happens that for some reason people cannot or do not want to be together anymore, despite their feelings. This letter will either logically end your relationship, or encourage your loved one to radically change the circumstances that are preventing your complete reunion.
First you need to write about the most important thing - about your love for this man. Tell us what warm emotions you experience when you see him and communicate with him. Then devote a few lines to the problem that does not allow you to stay together. Tell us about how hard it is for you to put up with this circumstance and the realization that your love gradually began to provoke the emergence of many difficult thoughts. Note that you tried to accept the situation, but you understand that by doing this you are only making things worse for yourself, and therefore for your union. Let the man read that this decision is not easy for you, and you will undoubtedly suffer because of it, but in the current situation you cannot leave everything as it was before.
After such a letter, there can be two outcomes - your loved one will change the situation and deal with the difficulties that are interfering with your happiness, or he will simply remain inactive, disappearing from your sight or persuading you to come to terms with the circumstances. In the second case, you should gather your strength and, following the text of your message, try to forget about the feeling that brought you suffering - the sooner you start changing your life, the faster these experiences will be left behind.
Hit the Road Jack
The letter can be written either by hand or using a computer or typewriter.
The head of the department of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin, James Pennebaker, developed his method, which has been used all over the world for about 40 years. This method is called "expressive writing"
The psychologist wrote a book about the method and claims that after completing the exercise, people feel not only moral relief, but they also feel better physically: stiffness leaves the body and they get sick less often.
It only takes three days to feel relief. For three days, you need to sit down at the table, take a pen, a piece of paper and write everything that comes to mind about the current situation.
Farewell letter to the unloved
Writing a letter to an unloved man or boyfriend is no easier than finding the right words for your loved one.
Confession in a letter that you have fallen out of love
It happens that relationships exhaust themselves. You need to work periodically to maintain the harmony and novelty of feelings - love does not last long among inattention, lack of care, boredom or a lot of harsh and offensive words. One day you realize that you have not thought about your chosen one with the same trepidation for a long time, and you no longer see your future with him. As a rule, a good catalyst for testing feelings is a change of environment - a trip to another city or country. Give your love a chance, but if even after the “experiment” there is no doubt that a man only causes indifference or irritation in you, then it is better to stop torturing yourself and him.
Such confessions can be difficult to make in reality, so some try to awaken their literary talent. If you decide to write a letter, then report it as it is. Don’t try to convince a man that he is to blame for this outcome by killing all your feelings. Write that you really appreciate all the pleasant moments that were in your relationship. At the same time, you understand that the feelings have passed, and you can no longer return them, despite all attempts. Explain that you want him to meet someone who will appreciate him, because he deserves to be truly loved.
Write all this only if you are completely sure of the absence of feelings! Do not think that in this way you can “refresh” the relationship by introducing new colors into it. An outburst of emotions on the part of the other half is, of course, guaranteed, but later this may turn against you - subconsciously he will believe that love has passed, which can then lead to unnecessary suspicion and irritation.
A written message to someone who is unrequitedly in love with you
If an old friend has fallen in love with you, with whom you have maintained a warm relationship for a long time, seeing in him only a kindred spirit or a partner in common interests, but not a future life partner, then try to be delicate with him, but at the same time remain completely confident in your words. Convey in your letter to the young man the fact that you are very flattered by his feelings for you, and you are sincerely sorry that you cannot answer them. Note that you will accept his choice if he no longer wants to be friends with you, however, if over time he tries to return to the previous format of your communication, then you will be very happy.
It also happens that you have to refuse reciprocity to a new acquaintance. In this case, avoid the friend request. The man does not fully realize that he was refused, and will think that you are providing a chance to win your favor. If you know for sure that you do not want this, write that you were glad to meet him, and are sure that his chosen one will be very lucky with him, but your heart is already taken.
Pros and cons of ending a pen pal relationship
Those who are not sure of the adequate reaction of the interlocutor or do not have any feelings for their partner prefer to break up by correspondence. This is appropriate if the relationship did not last long, and during this time it became obvious that there was no point in the long term.
By choosing this method, the initiator of the separation gets rid of the need to give reasons or arguments, the likelihood of becoming a victim of manipulation.
Among the disadvantages of this method are:
- difficulty of formulation;
- ambiguity of message;
- intrusiveness on the part of the partner in attempts to discuss what happened.
To eliminate such consequences, this issue must be approached seriously and responsibly.
When should you choose a personal meeting?
to break up by correspondence if the relationship lasted a long time and the feelings of the once loved one have acquired significance and value.
A message of not the most pleasant content in this case is a banal demonstration of disrespect.
If you plan to remain on friendly terms with your ex-partner, this method is also inappropriate. It is inappropriate to communicate your intention to break up via message to a hot-tempered person who is prone to revenge.
Most likely, the offended partner will not hesitate to spread rumors , publish personal photographs and disseminate details of his personal life - it will take a long time to restore his reputation, postponing important matters and quiet leisure time.
Which is better, a farewell letter in verse or in your own words
If you have undoubted skills in writing poetry, then, of course, by using this talent, you can effectively put an end to your relationship. However, not every man will appreciate this approach. Such a presentation of thoughts would be most appropriate if you want to leave a lyrical memory of yourself and the topic of separation has already been discussed with your lover earlier. It is unlikely that he will like to learn that he was abandoned from the poem.
You can also finally compose a poem for the guy who broke up with you the day before - this way, you can express everything that you feel in a very non-trivial way, remaining in his memory for a long time.
Farewell letter to tears
With your letter, you can not only provoke a guy’s tears, but also make him regret that your romance is over.
1. Remind him of a pleasant past
While reading the message, the young man should plunge into nostalgic thoughts and remember those moments when he experienced special excitement associated with you. If you want your lines to touch your chosen one, then you probably hope to win him back in this way. It is quite possible! Write that it is especially difficult for you to think that everything is over when you remember your first date. Remind me of the details of this meeting.
During a relationship, many good things are forgotten, so now your goal is to direct the memories in the right direction. You can describe how you felt when you first saw him, or how you realized you fell in love with him. It is also important to present information that your chosen one has not yet heard about - how, while visiting a friend, you looked at the phone waiting for his call, how you were afraid to confess your feelings to him for the first time, how you dreamed about him for several nights in a row. Remind them of trips you both enjoyed together or special events. Finally, note that you will miss all this very much, but it is nice to know that all this once happened.
2. Imagine the future that could be
By writing about pleasant moments from the past, you will remind the guy of what is left behind, but in addition, you also have the opportunity to show him what kind of future he lost. Write that you have often imagined how things could be in five or ten years. Tell us what picture was in front of your eyes: you, he, your children, building a sand castle on the seashore. There can be variations here - making dumplings and dumplings with the whole family, skiing, fishing together. In general, when describing a potential future, you should largely focus on the character and preferences of your lover if your goal is to make him cry. Finally, note that it pains you to realize that all this is no longer possible, but you are glad that for a while such dreams made you happy.
3. Minimum negativity, claims and reproaches
Of course, the purpose of this letter is to evoke bright, nostalgic thoughts, so forget about claims and reproaches. If he seriously offended you, then mention that “after recent events” you were broken and lost, thinking that this was some kind of mistake, and a person like him simply could not do that, but when you realized what had happened, then you felt very sad and painful. However, do not focus too much on negative emotions.
What needs to happen for this to be appropriate?
When choosing to separate by correspondence, men and women are guided by different reasons. Such differences are justified by the unique characteristics of character and mentality that are inherent to a greater extent in all representatives of a certain gender.
Why do men leave by text message or letter?
A man’s intention to break up by correspondence may be due to several reasons:
- Traditionally, the strong half of humanity prefers to hide weakness and feels discomfort if someone nearby demonstrates such emotions. Mostly, this applies specifically to women and children if a specific man becomes the cause of their tears. Feeling guilty towards his ex-girlfriend, the guy prefers to communicate his intention to break up through a message.
- Every girl has the skills of manipulation, especially when in the company of well-known people. Even in the short period of time that a relationship with a partner lasted, a woman manages to study all the “weaknesses” and methods of influencing the object of her adoration in order to get what she wants. Some men are clearly aware of this, and therefore know that when they meet in person, there is a risk of succumbing to the charms and changing their mind about breaking up.
- For representatives of the stronger half of humanity, reputation is extremely important. Due to upbringing and the influence of fashion trends, some men are of the opinion that composure shown even to a loved one is a reason for respect and self-affirmation. Parting by correspondence in this case is a direct demonstration of indifference and “strength of spirit.”
In practice, the man who initiated the breakup by correspondence still continues to communicate with the girl after a while; it is unlikely that it will be possible to avoid a serious conversation.
Why do women break up at a distance?
Most often, women choose this method of breaking up by correspondence based on two completely polar reasons.
The first is associated with fear of the partner's reaction . If the relationship was dominated by scandals, humiliation and insults, the girl is simply afraid of being a victim again. By writing about your intention to separate, this likelihood naturally decreases.
The second reason to dump a guy in a message is some kind of manipulation. If a girl loves “thrills” and experiences discomfort when there is no “spice” in a relationship, then this is an effective way to make her partner nervous and somehow express herself.
This method of attracting attention to oneself can end sadly and lead to real separation. Before sending a message, it is important to make sure that this is a true desire and not a method of manipulation.
Farewell letter to a married man
Not a single woman is immune from the fact that a married man will pay attention to her. It even happens that he manages to achieve reciprocity. Perhaps you immediately knew that he was married, but it may also be that this circumstance was revealed to you only now. Be that as it may, you decided for yourself that you do not need such a relationship. In this case, your reluctance to meet in person to break up is understandable.
You need to do everything to turn this page of your life. You should not hope that with this letter you will provoke his divorce - if he has not left his family yet, then the letter will not change this. And there is nothing good in “stealing” a man away from another. Write to him that he could not make the final choice, so you will have to take this step, and you are choosing a full-fledged relationship. This won't work with him, and you no longer want to bring avoidable experiences into your life. Wish him to understand himself and his desires, and ask him not to bother you anymore - there can be no love and friendship between you.
This situation is very sensitive, so it is worth thinking carefully about the appropriateness of the letter. The message may end up in the wrong hands, bringing unnecessary problems not only to the man, but also to you, so make sure that it reaches the right recipient.
Farewell letter from a lover
We don't always plan in advance what happens to us, and an affair with a married man is one of these cases. Many women are mired in the quagmire of such relationships, but almost every one of them sooner or later realizes that this can no longer continue. It would seem that you have a loved one, but at the same time you remain lonely. It doesn’t matter for what reason you went into this affair, but if you decide to break off a love affair with someone else’s husband, then you can do this by sending a few lines.
How to get out of such a relationship using a letter
Do not write to your lover that you have feelings for him and you would like to be together, but you are leaving because you have a wife. In such a message, it is generally advisable not to describe the emotions you experienced. It will be best if you communicate that you have had enough time to evaluate the pros and cons of such meetings and you have realized that this relationship has been exhausted. Note that you are not expecting any decisive steps from him, and are not trying to manipulate him, you have only one goal - to forget about this affair and give yourself a chance to find personal happiness with another person. If you wish, you can hint that you recently met a man who is showing you signs of attention that you would like to respond to, but you do not want to play a “double game.” Summarize that, be that as it may, you do not intend to maintain contact with him anymore, and ask him not to seek contact with you. Indicate that you are grateful to him for many pleasant moments, but the status of a mistress has long ceased to suit you.
Perhaps after this he will try to get you to talk, but if you have the willpower not to react to attempts to return everything to its previous course, then pretty soon you will be able to start a new life.
Beautiful and brave crossed the road
Often women who are left offended by their cheating husband for another. If a husband leaves his wife with a child, the resentment remains for a long time, and this pain must be thrown out somewhere so that it does not destroy either the woman or the child. Writing a farewell letter to a husband who cheated is useful and therapeutic, but there is a chance that the ex-husband will not read the letter and delve into the essence of the message. Or, worse, he will answer, and then an epistolary squabble will begin, and this will have a negative impact on the woman and on the joint baby.
After all, she will inevitably take it out on the child. These nuances should definitely be taken into account. Therefore, a farewell letter to your cheating husband must be written and destroyed.
Farewell letter to the army
This type of letter is perhaps the most difficult to write. Many girls were sure that they would definitely wait for their loved one from the military unit, but this did not happen in all cases. Since it so happened that you met another young man with whom you want to be together, then you definitely need to inform your former chosen one about this. In any case, grievances and discussions are unlikely to be avoided, but it is much better to talk about everything yourself, rather than suddenly disappear or maintain the illusion that nothing has changed.
Start with the fact that you never thought that this could happen, otherwise you wouldn’t make promises to wait. Admit that the situation has developed in such a way that you can no longer be together, but you want to honestly write to him about it in person. Note that you understand how painful it is to find out that the girl you love wants to break up, and you feel bad that you have become participants in such a story, but you don’t want to lie. Let him know that since this happened, it means that the relationship was not strong enough, and you are not the girl he should be with.
Write that you really wouldn’t want him to hold a grudge against you, because people break up even in civilian life, and no one is immune from this. Summarize that you understand that he does not deserve you to write him lies or disappear without explanation, and you do not want to do this. You can also mention that you are convinced that you made the right decision, and have no doubt that when he returns from the army, he will meet true love.
Although, in fact, it almost doesn’t matter what exactly you write - in most cases, such messages are a big blow for soldiers, no matter how you present them. The most important thing for you is not to delay breaking up if you start dating someone else. Be honest with your ex-boyfriend, don’t let him find out from third parties that he no longer has a girlfriend. This will make it much worse for him, and it will make an already difficult situation more difficult for you.
How to write a farewell SMS
Breakup message to a loved one who offended you
Sometimes situations occur, as a result of which you understand for sure that the time has come to part with your chosen one. If this realization came after a man had inflicted a serious offense, then he is unlikely to be very surprised by your message. Explain to your ex-lover that in light of recent events, you cannot and do not want to continue communicating with him. Wish him all the best and ask him not to disturb him anymore. Perhaps the man will try to apologize, but if you are convinced that you cannot forgive the offense, simply avoid dialogue with him.
Farewell SMS to ex-boyfriend
It happens that the romance is already over, but you feel the need to tell your ex-boyfriend what you didn’t have time to say when breaking up. There is no point in torturing yourself by holding back these impulses - unsaid words will torment you for a long time, and you will experience all the delights of the “unclosed gestalt”. You replay phrases in your head that were not spoken, and this means that you partially remained in that relationship. Send the guy what’s bothering you in an SMS, ending with the phrase: “I won’t bother you anymore, and I don’t want you to bother me, thinking that I need communication. I just wanted to write these words because I regretted that I didn’t voice them right away.” In general, honest and simple.
SMS about breakup
The essence of such an SMS is not to enter into subsequent correspondence. The guy should not understand you in two ways or think that you are simply not in the mood and wanted to annoy him in such a strange way. Write that you have thought about a lot and realized that your relationship has no prospects. Clarify what caused this realization. End the text by saying that it’s hard for you because everything turned out this way, but you have finally decided everything for yourself, and ask him to accept this fact. Give thanks for all the good things, and, if appropriate, ask for forgiveness for the offense caused. Your decision is firm and was not a momentary weakness? Then don’t get involved in the dialogue, let this SMS really become a farewell message.
Advice from psychologists
Only understanding the situation that happened will help you use phrases correctly. In order for him to return, you must first properly say goodbye to the guy, saying his sparkling phrase, and then let him go. By letting a person go, we break the energetic connection, without which he becomes less strong, charming, and sociable. And he intuitively reaches back to recharge.
Psychologists recommend following a set of rules immediately after a breakup:
- Sociability. You can’t isolate yourself, delete your profile on social networks and hide in a corner. On the contrary, you need the support of friends and acquaintances. The more emotions, the easier it is to survive the breakup. Let Him see through mutual acquaintances that life did not stop without him.
- Appearance. When going out into the world, you need to create not only make-up on your face, but also a radiant smile. Sparkling positivity, stylish clothes, fashionable hairstyle, let him see how attractive a girl he missed.
- Responsiveness. Selfless help to other people is valued above ostentatious politeness. Many guys sacrifice external qualities, seeing true humanity and openness in their partner.
- Sense of humor. It's important to know the boundary. Looking funny while humiliating another person is wrong. It’s good to lift the spirits of those around you with a well-spoken phrase.
- Patience. Nothing happens overnight. Immediately after the breakup, the guy is also raging with emotions, worries, maybe resentment or anger. You should take the first steps towards resuming communication no earlier than a month after the breakup.
How to behave after sending a goodbye letter
The main purpose of a farewell letter is to end any relationship. When composing a message with which you want to communicate the end of an affair or your reluctance to start one, be prepared for the fact that no reaction will follow. Moreover, set yourself up for it! If you are fully aware of this circumstance, you can write farewell lines, but if in this way you hope to provoke your lover to some decisive actions, this is not the best way. Having sent such a letter, do not wait for a response, and if there is one, then do not start a correspondence, otherwise your “final point” loses all meaning.
How to behave during a breakup, watch the main mistakes women make in this video
The most common reasons for divorce
- Cheating on one of the spouses or mutual infidelity.
- Alcoholism, drug addiction or gambling addiction of one of the family members.
- Infertility of one of the spouses or unwillingness to procreate.
- Cultural, religious or racial incompatibility.
- Family violence.
- Loss of sexual attraction.
- Financial difficulties.
- Housing problem.
- Early marriage.
- Marriage due to pregnancy.
- Lack of mutual understanding.
- One of the spouses is not ready for family life (hasn't had enough time).
This is not a complete list of reasons for divorce.
Breakups have many motives, but when spouses break up without scandals, and even remain friends, this is the highest aerobatics.
As a rule, it happens that in a broken couple, one ex-spouse remains the winner, while the other long and painfully licks the wounds caused by the events that preceded the divorce and its consequences.
