What to do if the husband does not want to part with his mistress

Finding out that your husband has a mistress means deep stress, pain and suffering. Thousands of women fall into this notorious love triangle. But it’s probably even more difficult to decide what to do next. Should I forgive my husband and fight for my family or get a divorce and try to forget everything like a bad dream? What to do if a man does not want to part with his mistress? Let's try to understand this difficult life issue.

A man won’t break up with his mistress, what should I do?

First, ask yourself a few basic questions. What do you think about it? Do you feel like you can tell what's going on? Try to identify a few real facts for yourself.

A man does not break up with his mistress, but he does not leave you either. This would upset and humiliate any woman. Despite the fact that he was caught cheating, the man sees no reason for anything to change for him. It doesn’t matter that he says that he doesn’t want to destroy the family union. This is just a way to calm you down so that you remain silent and cook dinner while he has fun with his mistress. Obviously, he feels entitled to both of you, without remorse.
He doesn't care what you think or feel, that's obvious. He throws you aside while he has fun with his mistress. Is this what you want? You take care of the house and raise children, your heart breaks with pain, while he benefits from having two women at his disposal? settled down well, didn't it? How does this work for you? If your husband cared at all what you thought, or had any remorse for what he did, he would leave his lady without a second thought.
The husband dictates terms to you under the pretext that he wants to keep the family heart intact, you agree with his infidelity and, perhaps, support it, justifying it by the fact that all men are the same. This is not a marriage. Relationships require two, and marriage is the most committed relationship two people not related by blood can have. He made it clear that only his desires and feelings are a priority for him.

Looking at these facts, it is obvious that the husband is in control of the situation. Unlike most cheating spouses, he has no regrets and doesn't care about making sure you and the family don't get hurt. If that were the case, he would have ended his affair. Then you could try to save the relationship and marriage. But now you cannot do anything personally because you are not part of the marriage union.

Actions and deeds of men

Men experience breakups differently not only with the women they love, but also with their mistresses, for whom it is also impossible not to feel any emotions, especially if the relationship lasted a certain time. A man may be perplexed, depressed or aggressive if the breakup did not occur on his initiative, which most often happens. Either his mistress left him on his own initiative, or he was forced to break up with her if his wife insisted on it, from whom he is afraid to divorce. In any case, the breakup will not go smoothly for a man who can go to great lengths:

Going on a binge. If a man has not drank before, then drinking alcoholic beverages until he can calm down can turn into addiction.
Going to the gym. There the man is trying to get rid of all the anger that he has accumulated due to his disagreement with what happened.
Race. A man gets behind the wheel of a car and accelerates to high speed to rush along the highway and enjoy the ride. Such trips rarely end in accidents, but there is still a risk, which forces a man to drive a vehicle.
Physical exercise. A man finds activities that require his physical strength. In this way he throws off aggression, and also brings himself to the point of exhaustion, so that at one moment he falls and falls asleep.

Men of a dependent nature experience the breakdown of relationships the hardest. Such people simply do not love themselves, so they cling to all the women with whom they have been able to establish connections. Here, as they say, every woman is registered. If there is a breakup even with a lady who is not his beloved, the man still takes it hard.

You need the help of a psychotherapist who will help you realize that a man does not love the woman he broke up with, but confuses his feelings with love.

The most painless cases of separation are those when the man himself or is ready to break off the relationship. So, a man can much more easily endure a breakup that occurs by mutual desire. As they say, he is happy and she doesn’t mind. Everyone is happy if the desire to separate appears at the same time in both partners.

If a man himself decided to break off relations with his mistress, then he will not have to worry at all here. Often, such men introduce their mistresses to other gentlemen, to whom they can switch their attention, thereby saving the men themselves from the painful breakup of relationships and the pursuit of them, threats and insults. If the mistress finds another interesting man, then she will not suffer because of the breakup with her lover.

It is good if, during the period of separation from his mistress, a man can return home to his wife, who trusts him if she does not know about the betrayal, or forgives him if she knows about his adventures. It will be easier for a man to get through the breakup if at least one of the women remains nearby with whom he can warm up and then move on again.

How to behave as a wife

Since your man does not want to part with his mistress, caring only about his own needs, then you need to think about yourself. Understand that people don't change unless they pay the consequences of their actions. You need to move on. You must live your life regardless of whether you stay with this man and his mistresses or get divorced. The most difficult thing to deal with is the situation. Try to heed the following tips:

do not pursue your mistress and your husband, do not ask, do not beg, do not humiliate yourself;
do not call often;
do not remember the good moments of marriage, trying to push for pity;
do not encourage or initiate conversations about the future;
don't ask for promises;
do not buy or give gifts;
Don't set dates together;
Don't say: "I love you!"

Show your husband your indifference. Act as if you are continuing to live your life and you will begin to live your life!

Be cheerful, strong, sociable and independent.
Don't sit around waiting for your spouse - stay busy, go out with friends, enjoy old hobbies, find new ones! But stay idle!
If you have a habit of asking your spouse about his whereabouts, break the habit. Appear completely uninterested.
Don't be mean or even cold, just be yourself. Your spouse will notice this. More importantly, he will notice that he has distanced himself from the problem.
No matter how you feel today, show your spouse happiness and contentment. You are not a capricious, needy, pathetic person, but a confident woman.

All questions about marriage should be put aside until the man wants to talk about it.

When a conflict situation arises

Not all men run to their mistress out of great love; some manage to get into relationships out of passion, out of stupidity, for the sake of powerful sex. Not to say that a lover for such a walker is a soulless inflatable doll. No, of course you have feelings for your sweetheart, but you can’t wait to leave your family for her!

In addition, the stupidity lies in the fact that for the sake of passion, a man begins to hang noodles on his mistress’s ears:

Swears eternal love, especially in moments of passion.
He promises to leave his family and marry her.
He deliberately delays fulfilling his promises so as not to lose her.

This is precisely how a man digs a hole for himself. He values relationships, because when he is with his mistress, he mentally and physically gets everything that he cannot get from his wife. But the mistress is not a silent fool, and at some time she begins to urge him on. The man feels that he already smells something fried.

This is where the problems begin, which depend on the character of the mistress, if suddenly the man needs to break off the relationship:

An insidious mistress can go as far as aggressive blackmail. It is very dangerous to break quickly with such an impatient woman - she will take revenge in full. Therefore, an intelligent man gradually reduces the romance to nothing, trying to arouse disgust in his passion instead of love.
The tearful lover begins to call and sob into the phone. She will ensure that her boyfriend does not leave her and fulfills his promises. Moreover, she will call at the most inconvenient time for a man. Well, what can he do but block her calls and her social network page?
A sassy lover will appear everywhere in a man's life. To the point of starting an affair with his friend in order to wedge himself into his social circle and family. There is an example of such a mistress in the film “Vacation in September.” Watch it at your leisure - a very educational film.

If a mistress constantly asks for dates, whines, demands and threatens, then the man is not so much merciless - he passionately wants to break up with her. Just as passionately as he once wanted her in bed. In the article If your lover stopped calling and writing, you can read what the man experiences.

Dates are becoming less and less frequent, there are fewer and fewer promises, even though the man pretends to want to see each other again, but there is a lot of work, his wife is sick, the children are crying. He breathes a sigh of relief after the final separation, when he can put an end to the relationship, and will be glad that he got off with a slight fright.

Conversation with my husband

Don't let yourself lose your temper. Don't shout, don't show character! Control yourself. Don't be too enthusiastic.

Don't argue when he tells you how he feels. Anything more calm will only infuriate a man. Be patient and learn to listen carefully to what your spouse tells you.

Take care of you. Exercise, sleep, laugh and focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil. Be strong and confident. Don't be overtly desperate or needy, even if you're hurting more than ever.

Don't focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse. It's not always about you! Moreover, nowadays your husband simply doesn’t care what you think or feel!

Don't believe anything you hear him say. Your spouse will speak absolutely negatively, and do so in the harshest tones imaginable. A man’s goal is to justify himself and his behavior, even if this means blaming you.

The first stage is denial, the second is anger.

When in denial, the partner does not believe that he was able to lose his mistress, or rather, that this event is irreparable. Plans are still being made in his head to spend time together, and there is a glimmer of hope that this is just another quarrel, after which reconciliation will come.

Anger comes after realizing that the relationship is no longer there. Under the influence of anger, the behavior of a stronger half is not always predictable: emotions can manifest themselves openly, or they can rage inside and be invisible to others.

This stage is characterized by hidden accusations of the friend for her passivity, anger for the fact that she could not prevent his departure. Then the accusations fall on himself. Often the spouse can also be a victim. Especially if she is aware of what happened and the couple had a conversation on this topic. Often, a husband can harbor a grudge and mentally wage a “cold war” with his wife, or openly declare his indignation, finding fault with every little thing.

Should you get a divorce?

Since you obviously agree with your husband's demands at this time, there are several possibilities why you would do this. Most likely, this is not the first or tenth time that a man lays down the laws and you agree to his wishes. Think about how long you are willing to tolerate such an attitude? If a conversation with your spouse does not lead to anything, he is not going to change anything in his life, isn’t it time for you to decide to make these changes? Don’t try to maintain the apparent illusion of family happiness, which is not good for anyone.

There is an emotional attachment between them

Psychologists say: this type of relationship development occurs most often if a man is not ready to constantly have new lovers, and the mistress develops serious feelings for the same partner. She supports him and calms him down, gives him joy and warmth, listens and understands. It will be extremely difficult for them to separate, and it may not happen right away. For several more years, a man and a woman, between whom there was such an emotional connection, will communicate and even date, but only to break off the relationship again.

How can a married man break up with his mistress if there is emotional intimacy between them? He will have to take full responsibility for what he has done. He must admit that it was he who decided to cheat on his wife, could not resist and sincerely became attached to the new woman, which is why she fell in love with him. It was he who won her heart, took advantage of her feelings and body, and now it is he who hurts her by breaking up with her and returning to his lawful wife, about whom he had previously spoken many unflattering words. In general, you will have to confess to all the sins committed against your mistress. At the same time, sympathy and understanding should be shown. Psychologists advise a man to act out the tragedy, repent, realize his mistakes, and let his beloved go so that she has the opportunity to meet a more faithful man.

Of course, there is another option for a married man to break up with his mistress. How to do it? Just disappear from her life. True, this can only be done if she has a minimum of information: she doesn’t know where her lover lives, where he works, she doesn’t know her friends. But if your mistress is well aware of all the addresses, passwords and appearances, it is best to talk to her like a human being so that she does not come to work or home in order to sort things out.

What to do if there are children in the family?

You only have two options. You can continue to be willingly harassed and accept that you and the marriage are simply convenient for your husband, or you can stand up for yourself, refuse the harassment, and end the marriage. Neither option is painless, but if the future depends on it, why not try?

If you have children, think very carefully about whether you want to continue forcing them to tolerate this type of parenting behavior. Divorce can be difficult for children, but not so difficult that it is unsurvivable. It is a misconception that children need both parents, regardless of whether the family is prosperous or not. Do not deceive yourself if your husband insults you with his infidelities.

This is insulting to you and your children. If you decide to stay together for the sake of the children, there is a chance that they themselves will grow up to become cheaters, humiliate their partners and will not be able to build healthy family relationships. The result will be a vicious circle. Before dooming your children to such a life, think seriously about the state of affairs.

Why men cheat

Each representative of the strong half of humanity will have their own arguments for this question. Some of them don’t have enough sex, some want to increase their self-esteem by conquering a huge number of women’s hearts, some want variety, for some, mistresses become a real outlet. The latter is possible if you had to get married because of pregnancy, career prospects or finances.

What else can cause adultery? The following options are possible:

There was no positive example in the family, the parents were always busy, the child did not feel their love, and when he grew up, he began to need adoration and proof of love.
Another reason is male loneliness. This happens when the wife is enlarged by something else, for example, she has set a certain goal for herself and goes towards it without noticing anything in her way, or has taken care of her life and children, forgetting about her husband.
Changing a woman's behavior. When the other half starts to grumble and nag a man, you shouldn’t be surprised that he decides to go to the left
Mismatch of characters, inability to discuss problems.

You can often hear, mainly from mistresses, that men love them incredibly, but stay with their wife only out of pity. Do not delude yourself: married men speak words of love only so that their mistresses will be as friendly as possible to them, allowing them to take what they want.

How to leave your husband

Of course, you can ensure that your husband makes a choice between his mistress and you. But this is a choice for him, and he could just as easily choose a mistress rather than a wife. In addition, it is not so difficult for men to part with their mistresses if they are not connected by feelings. But the place of the current mistress will be replaced by another, and then a third. As already mentioned, such people do not change.

Your husband doesn't care about you, your marriage, or your children, but he is comfortable maintaining the appearance of a happy family union. It was you who found yourself in a disadvantageous position, and got there through the direct action of your husband. Where can I get help?

Divorce is neither easy nor difficult, especially when infidelity and emotional abuse are involved. You are not alone, unfortunately these sorts of things happen, but there are all kinds of support groups and therapy to help cope with acute and long-term pain.
Friends and family can also help you cope and get through this difficult time.
If you feel that you cannot cope with a divorce, contact a lawyer. Your only chance for justice is with a lawyer who has no emotional ties to your husband.

You are in a difficult situation, but if you leave, things will get better with time. If you don't leave now, this will continue forever. Remember that you have the right to a happy life, the right to be loved and appreciated. And this right is a matter of your own choice.

How to get through a difficult period?

If a man is worried about a breakup with his mistress, then he is given recommendations on how to get through a difficult period:

Set a goal - to start a new life and forget about the past. At the same time, do everything to achieve this goal.
Delete all contacts of your mistress so as not to be able to write or call her. It's better not to go to her house. In general, protect yourself from returning to the past.
Think about your wife, who is no better than you. If she knows about your cheating, then it's time to restore your relationship with her. She is definitely the worst in this situation. If your wife doesn’t know about your affair, then you can just be with her, which will help you forget about your mistress.
Enjoy the breakup. Sooner or later this had to happen. It’s good if the breakup occurred before the wife found out about everything. And if your wife knows everything, then rejoice, because this will allow you to argue your love for her, which will contribute to the restoration of your union.
Enjoy your freedom. After all, now you don’t have to be torn between women and deceive them.
When you leave, leave. There is no need to return to what goes away.
Rest. You can go on vacation or travel with your wife and children to take your mind off bad thoughts.

How to finally let go of your mistress?

Your affairs cannot last forever, as this will lead to divorce from your wife. Soon your mistress will not be able to bear the fact that she cannot be your wife and will leave you. Therefore, when creating a love affair on the side, remember that it will end sooner or later - and be prepared for this.

Photo gallery: How do men react when they see their ex-lover?

Some men even cry at the thought that the woman he loves so much wants to leave him. Women have developed intuition, but men also have feelings that we sometimes don’t even think about. Which woman has ever thought about what it will be like for a man after a breakup? Will he be able to live without us? Will he find his future chosen one, or will he sit at home and dream about his lost love?

Men perceive the departure of their loved one very strongly, and can rarely look at her calmly when they see their ex. Most often, they do not know how to react correctly to the presence of their, albeit ex, but still beloved woman. And most importantly, what do women think at this moment, how do men react when they see them? And this is very important sometimes when a woman hopes to return him if she does not find her future chosen one.

In our lives, it often happens that men have mistresses, about whom, of course, no one knows, or only those close to him know who communicate with him constantly. But after a while they part, leaving behind either pleasant memories or not so pleasant ones. And then men don’t know how to react when they see their ex-lover.

There have been many cases of such meetings. Here we should remember one, but it is very remarkable. One day a man came to a party that his friend was throwing. It was very good and fun until he met the eyes of Elen, who had once abandoned him. Their gazes crossed and it was as if some old and forgotten feeling slipped out. Nobody expected this. Half an hour later they were both gone, and in the morning the neighbors saw them leaving his apartment. It seemed that the love that had passed never left. He was happy and did not want to part with her. In the end, they got married and are still happy. But such happy endings are only good for certain cases, and in fact it rarely happens that Cinderella finds her prince.

So how do men react when they see their ex-lover? No one will tell you this, but it is known for sure that if their relationship was beautiful and tender, he will look at her with bated breath. It may not last long, but it is there.

Thinking about how men react to such a situation should make us think about what kind of relationship they really had. Sometimes it is easy for them to endure such meetings, but there are times when it is very difficult. This is perfectly demonstrated by the following couple, albeit former.

One summer, a man and his new lover came to the store to buy a new item for his new beloved. The entire staff saw how he looked after her, kissed her at every step and hugged her. It seemed that their relationship could be more beautiful, but... Alas, none of them thought that his former lover was standing nearby and looking at them with bated breath. She was in terribly pain, and he wanted to show her that he was happy. But according to psychologists, this is just for show. By this he wanted to show that he had found his new beloved. Therefore, it is necessary to learn to read between the lines of young people, to think why they are doing this, in fact this is very important. You ask, how do men react in such cases? Yes, in different ways, completely unexpected. Always look deeply into their eyes to see what's going on in their head. The eyes are the mirror of the soul, and they will tell you how to behave in such a situation. And don’t forget that men are just as vulnerable as you.

Lessons from breaking up

How can a married man break up with his mistress without consequences? This needs to be done wisely. So, if it was a long-term relationship in which she was forced to remain silent about her feelings and play a secondary role, it is recommended to show humanity towards her. The man should say that he understands her feelings, it is best to do something pleasant for her so that she does not get angry and is not eager to take revenge. It is necessary to take the blame for what happened in order to relieve the woman of emotional pressure.

In the event that there was only intimacy between a man and a woman, the relationship did not last long, it is enough to simply inform that the meetings are ending. If the mistress has not developed any emotional attachment, she will react quite adequately to the breakup, but if she managed to fall in love and mentally married a man, a peaceful separation should not be expected. We must be prepared for any scenario.

By the way, speaking about how to properly break up with a mistress for a married man, experts say: first you need to choose her correctly! The mistress should be smart and delicate; even in a state of anger, there is no need to threaten to inform the wife about the affair. Otherwise, you will have to get ahead of this action and talk to your wife yourself.

The man decided to break up with his mistress? Another option that representatives of the stronger half often turn to is a banal conflict with her. Having quarreled, he may declare that she is demanding something impossible from him. It’s even easier to break up with a mistress who is only there for financial support: you just need to stop paying, and she will leave the married man alone.

There are also situations when a man himself falls in love with his new chosen one. Here he will have to make a choice and break off relations with one of the women. Of course, this is incredibly difficult to do, but it is necessary.