Intimophobia: why a man is afraid of trusting and close relationships and how to help him

Expert: psychologist Alexandra Valerievna Glebova

Intimophobia is not a disease, but a form of mental disorder, characteristic of 30% of adults living in civilized countries. Psychologists admit that it is not easy to completely get rid of this disorder, since intimophobes themselves most often do not want to admit that they have a problem - a far-fetched fear of personal, deeply emotional, trusting and intimate relationships.

As a rule, intimophobia will join the problems characteristic of modern humanity - neuroses, emotional and psychological disorders. Intimophobia is not inherited or genetically transmitted. However, it is increasingly being diagnosed in patients who grew up in single-parent families - where the child was strongly influenced by a parent of the same sex.

Then what's the problem?

The problem is that intimophobe gets bored without strong passions - it is extremely necessary for him to experience them. And in order to keep their emotions afloat and constantly update their own feelings, they prefer to change partners as often as possible.

Intimophobia in men manifests itself in a constant search for sexual adventures, new novels, and vivid “Don Juan” behavior. Less often, an intimate phobe behaves like a reserved “love seeker”—this is how someone who has been kept under constant control by their mothers and grandmothers for too long prefers to act. But in any case, such a Casanova is terribly afraid of his own feelings and strong emotions, limiting himself only to sexual contacts with a slight touch of romance.

Intimophobes often remain bachelors, staying as far away from family ties as possible. And even if such a man accidentally has a child, he does everything not to take responsibility for him and the woman. Even if something happens to his close relatives (an illness, a situation requiring help), the intimate phobe strives to quickly remove himself from the “field of responsibility” to a safe distance, in which there will be no need to show force or make a serious decision.

Of course, an intimate phobe can maintain a long-term relationship with his partner for some time. But as soon as he hears a conversation about marriage or the transition to living together, as a rule, he does everything to end the relationship, even if yesterday he experienced ardent passion. In a word, he is ready to communicate, but not ready to trust.

A categorical “no” to sex

Here you need to understand, because a categorical refusal to have sex can have a variety of reasons.

• Shyness

Sex rules the world, but shy people rarely enjoy it. Sexual relationships are the most uncertain and contradictory situation imaginable. There are no clear guidelines for behavior here. Both partners are naked, open to each other and devoid of any external protective barriers. Shy people often simply do not have the skills necessary for sexual relationships.

• Unrealistic ideas about sex

They are drawn from films of the corresponding genre and magazines of a specific focus and pretty much spoil the lives of the powerful. As a result, a man walks around with a ruler and worries that he is “not like that,” that he will never be able to satisfy his partner 50 times a night, that “my friend is crooked,” that everything will end too quickly, etc., etc. P.

• Low self-esteem and attributing shortcomings to oneself

There is more to it than worrying about length and size. There will most likely be thoughts about crooked or hairy legs, possible bad breath, dandruff, skin diseases, a long nose, protruding ears and other imaginary and hyperbolic shortcomings.

Do intimate phobes get married?

Yes, this is possible if circumstances require it. But even in marriage, the intimate phobe does not allow the violation of his own “rights to freedom,” which he needs for internal comfort. Even after starting a married life together, an intimate phobe continues to maintain a distance from his partner, does not strive to change his lifestyle, and continues to expand the list of his sexual contacts. The main argument for this is the need to “preserve your personal space” and “realize your personal plans” - this is how the intimate phobe explains his periodic “exit into the world” to his other half. It is not surprising that in 99% of cases, intimophobes are left alone again, because few people manage to maintain family relationships with them.

In some cases, intimophobes may experience a more complex syndrome - sexual aversion, the emergence of a sudden aversion to a sexual partner. A woman whom only yesterday he considered attractive and sexy, today (or after some time) seems unpleasant and even disgusting to an intimate phobe. Moreover, the intimate phobe himself does not realize the real reason for his feelings, considering them absolutely natural.

Signs

Intimophobes are afraid of emotional attachment, and therefore do everything possible to avoid it. Some completely refuse dating and relationships, others avoid serious relationships, immediately run away if their partner begins to make plans for a future together or declares his love.

Most intimate phobes look very attractive to other people. They are sociable, active, and easily make new acquaintances. However, they do not go further than superficial communication, easy and relaxed, fun pastime. They always keep their distance, fight for their freedom, intimate (personal) space.

If an intimate phobe feels that he has let someone too close, or if someone begins to put pressure on him, hinting at getting closer, then the patient may have a panic attack. It is accompanied by somatic reactions:

• nausea,
• headache,
• dizziness,
• tremor of the limbs,
• chills,
• increased sweating,
• feeling of suffocation
• icing of the limbs,
• paleness or redness of the face,
• pressure surges,
• confusion,
• a feeling of unreality of what is happening;
• presyncope and fainting.

At this moment, the intimate phobe tries to run away, and may push, hit or insult another person.

Why does intimate phobia occur?

Psychiatrists and psychologists believe that intimate phobia is always directly related to the costs of upbringing, since this problem is formed in childhood or adolescence, when the child observes the behavior of his parents and takes them as a basis.

Most often, one of the parents shapes the child’s attitude towards the opposite sex based on their own failures in their personal life. A child, observing how difficult a relationship with a woman or man is for a parent, forms his own perception. And hearing frequent statements from a parent that “women only need one thing - money” or that “all men cheat,” the child does not even imagine the possibility of trusting a member of the opposite sex and building a personal relationship with him.

Projecting this mistrust onto himself, the teenager creates his own algorithm of behavior towards the opposite sex: run away and hide so as not to get hurt. And since a person has a naturally strong instinct of self-preservation, which protects him from injury, the parental pattern of behavior only reinforces this instinct, adding to it a fear of attachment and long-term personal relationships.

True, intimate phobia can also develop in adulthood - it can be caused by a powerful drama on the personal front or very strong pressure from a partner about the need to “get married urgently.”

Causes of the disease

The cause of bacterial prostatitis is damage to the prostate gland by gram-negative microorganisms:

• chlamydia trachomatis - chlamydia;
• streptococcus – streptococci;
• staphylococcus aureus – Staphylococcus aureus;
• klebsiella - klebsiella;
• pseudomonas aeruginosa – Pseudomonas aeruginosa;
• enterobacter – enterobacters;
• trichomonas vaginalis - trichomonas;
• escherichia coli – Escherichia coli;
• neisseria gonorrhoeae - gonococci;
• proteus - proteas;
• enterococcus - enterococci.

Such microorganisms cause bacterial prostatitis in the presence of other predisposing factors. The chronic form of the disease is usually caused by polymicrobiality.

Is it possible to cure intimophobe?

It is possible, but only if he realizes his problem and seeks help from a professional psychologist or psychiatrist. However, more often than not, intimaphobes themselves do not believe that they are experiencing serious psycho-emotional disorders, and therefore do not strive to change their attitude towards life and undertake treatment for intimophobia.

The only reason to contact a specialist may be a severe version of intimophobia - fear of sexual intercourse (coitophobia). In the absence of problems with sexual contacts, an intimate phobe sees no reason to see a psychotherapist at all.

And yet, loved ones of an intimophobe should not lose hope. If you manage to convince him to visit a psychologist, then it is quite possible to overcome the problem with the help of cognitive behavioral psychotherapy techniques, in which you as a partner will also need to take part. If necessary, a psychotherapist can prescribe antidepressants, with the help of which it will be easier for an intimate phobe to experience attacks of fear and panic.

Diagnostics

First, the doctor collects anamnesis and determines the patient's current condition.

Usually a man is asked to fill out a special questionnaire. After this, an inspection is carried out. It allows you to identify signs of hormonal, vascular and neurological disorders.

First, the doctor collects anamnesis and determines the patient's current condition. Usually a man is asked to fill out a special questionnaire.

Special examinations are carried out to identify physical pathological changes. Among them:

• pharmacodopplerography of the arteries of the penis
• cavernosography
• registration of spontaneous erections
• electromyography of the perineal muscles

If situational or psychogenic impotence is suspected, a man undergoes a series of special tests. They allow you to determine the connection between sexual intercourse and depression or anxiety.

If the doctor suspects the endocrine origin of the pathology, laboratory diagnostics are performed. Such studies are aimed at determining the levels of prolactin, testosterone and other hormones in the blood.

Factors contributing to the development of prostatitis

Among the predisposing circumstances, the following are noted:

• regular hypothermia of the body;
• irregular sexual activity;
• diseases associated with immune system disorders;
• chronic pathologies of the genitourinary system;
• sedentary lifestyle – lack of physical activity, sedentary work;
• pelvic organ injuries;
• other chronic pathologies of the gastrointestinal tract, ENT organs, and so on.

There is an opinion among experts that the risk of developing symptoms of bacterial prostatitis in men increases with intoxication factors. These include abuse of alcohol, nicotine, and narcotic substances.

Diet

There is a list of permitted and prohibited products. A strict diet must be followed during the acute form of the disease, but subsequently it is worth adhering to the correct diet. You can eat:

• porridge;
• boiled lean meat, fish;
• seafood;
• vegetables and fruits;
• greenery;
• dairy products.

Spicy, smoked, fatty foods are prohibited. It is also important to stop drinking alcohol and limit smoking.

Excess weight is a factor that provokes relapses of bacterial prostatitis. You don't have to be on a strict diet all the time. You just need to choose a nutrition option with the optimal balance of carbohydrates, proteins and fats.

Antibiotics

Treatment of bacterial prostatitis in men is based on complex regimens. Antibiotics are the main group of drugs included in the therapy program. Antibacterial drugs are selected taking into account the sensitivity of the infectious agent. Broad-spectrum drugs penetrate well into prostate tissue. These include:

1. Fluoroquinolone group – have pronounced antimicrobial activity, disrupt the synthesis of bacterial DNA, which leads to their death. There are 4 generations of drugs. The most commonly prescribed drugs are Ofloxacin, Ciprofloxacin and others.
2. Tetracyclines are active against gram-positive pathogens. Tetracycline, Doxycycline.
3. The macrolide group is considered the least toxic antibiotics. They have a bacteriostatic effect and retain a high concentration in tissues. These include: Leukomycin, Azithromycin and others.

In addition to antibiotics, patients suffering from a chronic form of the pathology are prescribed the following drugs:

• alpha-blockers – normalize blood and lymph flow, relieve vascular tone;
• decongestants – Omnik and others;
• painkillers;
• non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs;
• to maintain immunity - a complex of vitamins and immunomodulators.

The treatment includes physical therapy, and prostate massage is often used to improve drainage of the prostate gland. Laser therapy shows good results.

How long to treat bacterial prostatitis? The disease is quite complex and requires a long course of therapy - taking antibiotics for 4 - 8 weeks. After this, a recovery period will be required.

Types of disease

There are several types of classification of the disease, depending on the symptoms, etiology, nature and duration of the course, relapses, and other associated factors.

When determining the type of bacterial prostatitis in men, the following parameters are taken into account:

• cause – infection, bacteria;
• the type of pathogenic agent that caused the inflammation;
• the presence of stagnation of secretions and ejaculate;
• fibrotic manifestations;
• route of infection;
• specificity of the course - acute, chronic, atypical form;
• phase of activity of the inflammatory process;
• development stage.

Most often, the algorithm proposed by American scientists from the National Institutes of Health is taken as the basis for classification.