What a man wants from a woman: expectations, actions, psychology of relationships and ways to find a common language

• August 13, 2019
• Psychology of relationships
• Maria Kravets

Men and women in relationships often face many different difficulties. And all because they don’t know what the other half really wants. It is important to be able not only to convey your desires to your loved one, but also to know what he wants. In an ideal relationship, all these nuances are discussed between partners, and then disagreements become much smaller. But are there many such couples? Most often, ladies have a question: “What does a man want from a woman?” And it’s not always possible to get an answer from the man himself.

Men don't say what they mean

Remember the Soviet two-part film “Vacation at your own expense”? It contains a wonderful phrase that can still be found in statuses, Internet memes and in signatures on forms:

When asked what you value most in a woman, any man will answer: “Of course, the soul!” And then he looks at her legs.

This is truly a life quote, which once again confirms the fact that men do not always say what they really think. You can understand what is in his head only by his actions and active actions.

If he is constantly busy and does not find time for you, there is no need to create illusions: he is not interested in you. A man's brain is designed completely differently than a woman's. Even if he is “drowning” in work and affairs, he will never forget to call and ask how you are doing, will take 10 minutes to drink coffee with you, will deliver flowers by courier and thereby remind you of himself.

It is also important to note that at different stages of a relationship, the answer to the question of what a man wants from a woman will be different.

Inertia as a consequence of depression

Sometimes it happens that the inertia of one of the partners is a consequence of some life event. For example, a hard dismissal or a big failure at work, betrayal by a colleague. Your husband worked, he worked, he was successful - and then all of a sudden it went wrong. You support as best you can, but time passes and nothing changes.

If this is your case, then perhaps your partner is faced with psychological trauma and cannot get out of it without help. To understand how psychological trauma works, I recommend Peter Levine’s books - they’re easy to Google. Levin also has a program for independent work. Read it yourself and tell your partner. Recommend that he seek psychological help. The injury rarely goes away on its own. The condition may worsen.

On my website there are other publications on similar topics - perhaps they will be useful to you: “I’m tired of my husband’s depression” (about depression and how to help), “How to stop feeling pain” (about grief and how to help).

If your partner is having a midlife crisis and, against this backdrop, he goes into downshifting and completely reconsiders his life goals - then this is most likely also a task of acceptance, of finding compromises, of renegotiating your unspoken marriage contract. It can be unpleasant - generally unpleasant that people suddenly change - but it is an inevitable part of our lives.

The first stage of relationships, instincts and the biological environment

By nature, men are conquerors. The prey they get with easy labor is not as tasty and appetizing as the one they had to hunt for all day. In relationships with ladies, men also want to be winners. And if they succeed too quickly, interest instantly disappears. Girls who don’t understand this unanimously repeat: “Men want sex, and women want love.” But in fact, the desires of both coincide in many respects, only the ways to achieve the goal differ.

Every man has his own “ideal woman” in his head. Which? On the one hand, she is a good housewife and mother, and on the other, a passionate and depraved lady. When a man likes a woman, he dreams of becoming closer to her, of mastering her completely.

It is the woman’s behavior at this stage that will determine the further development of events. If she immediately becomes his, interest will disappear, and with it the conqueror himself. Most men do not have the goal of getting laid and leaving. They, just like us, are looking for love, affection, understanding. But they talk and hint about sex a lot. It is this closeness that will be a kind of beacon for them: “that’s it, she’s mine.”

If this happens too quickly, in 90% of cases the man runs away headlong. And all because he doesn’t know what to do with it all. On the one hand, he has achieved the young lady’s favor, but on the other, he still knows his chosen one very poorly.

Facts that will help you get to know a man better

To build a common space of understanding with a man, you need to accept several statements as an axiom:

1. A woman's condition affects a man
2. Men like it when women take the lead
3. A man needs a woman's self-confidence
4. A man develops faster next to a woman

And it is true. A woman can become both the cause of success and the cause of a man’s complete collapse. Your inner state is what the world around you is made of.

If it's good inside, only good things will happen outside. Unfortunately, not everyone is able to realize this and use it correctly.

A man is charged with energy and thirst for life from the woman who is next to him. The less fears inside you, the more you want to live. If a woman dreams of being successful in love, in her favorite business, in her beauty, the man next to her is “infected” by her condition.

To become such a lucky woman, you need to get rid of the burden of internal fears, work with a sense of self-confidence and deal with the past that prevents you from moving on. We work with this in the second module “Rebooting the Past”.

Living together

I would like to think that when the first stage is successfully completed, all misunderstandings remain in the past and a strong and friendly family awaits the partners. But family life brings its own surprises. And in different couples, conflicts arise for different reasons. But the most important of them is misunderstanding each other. What does psychology say about this?

What does a man want from a woman? This seems incredibly difficult to understand. He may talk a lot, or may be completely silent, but his true intentions can be seen by his actions. In addition, many do not at all consider it necessary to constantly sing the praises of their passion and confess their love every minute. He brings money home, calls to ask how she is doing, scolds her when she goes outside in the cold without a hat - a lot of little things that mean that he has strong feelings and serious intentions. In the minds of many women, if a man doesn’t talk about his feelings, it means they don’t exist.

Misunderstandings manifest themselves in many other things, and if a lady has the question “what does a man want from a woman,” then there really are certain problems in the couple.

Why should I?

And this is another important question that often arises in women’s minds. At first the thought comes that it’s time to change something in the relationship. The young lady begins to study a mountain of literature and comes across simple advice. She must:

• be in love;
• respect;
• understand;
• take care.

Then a logical question arises: why exactly is she obliged to do this? In fact, there are reasons for this.

If you want to save your union and live in happiness and harmony, you need to start with changes. And since forcibly changing another person, and especially a man, is a difficult task, the easiest way is to start with yourself. It’s good when each partner thinks: “What else good can I do for my loved one?” To do this, you need to completely reconsider the problems with your man and try to change everything. And if you are already wondering what a man wants from a woman, then you understand this.

How can you help yourself?

Consult a psychologist. Sometimes it’s difficult to figure out the problem on your own and set priorities, sometimes it’s simply scary to do it alone. A professional will help you put things in order in your head.

Seek family counseling. Go to a psychologist with your husband and talk through your difficulties. If you are tired, afraid of scandals, and you no longer have the strength to cope, this is a good option. How a psychologist helps couples, I described in this article.

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Psychology of men

Representatives of the stronger sex are very proud that they were born this way. They are courageous, strong, responsible. And they definitely demonstrate this to their ladies, if they allow it, of course. But in most cases, conflicts begin precisely when a woman begins to suppress these qualities. And this happens unnoticed for the lady, but painful for the man.

For example, he decided to nail a new shelf in the wrong place. Many women immediately react to the situation very aggressively. Most often with a scream or even a scandal. When the situation repeats itself over and over again, the man stops doing anything altogether. In any case, your partner needs to be supported in all endeavors. Any situation can be turned in the other direction. Even if you don't like the idea, you can change it a little without hurting the person's feelings.

Men love to give gifts, flowers, and invite them to a restaurant. They experience incredible pleasure from this. Thus, they show their financial solvency and interest in the lady. This is inherent in their nature, and this is exactly what men want from women in relationships. But ladies often refuse this, especially when their love has been going on for more than a year. Often a woman herself persuades her husband to have dinner at home, rather than in a restaurant. It is logical that there are reasons for this:

• small children who have no one to leave with;
• financial difficulties;
• depression and apathy.

But you should understand that by refusing, you yourself are pushing your husband to find a woman who will happily accept courtship. You shouldn't give this chance to someone else. A man should feel admired. And for this he is ready to make many sacrifices. You just need to push him towards this a little. And you need to start not with requests and insults, but with admiration. The more you appreciate your boyfriend, the harder he will try.

What to do if the husband has lost interest in his wife

Spouses, faced with disagreements in a couple, often give up their future together. It is difficult for a woman to understand the changes in the behavior of her beloved, who previously did not take his eyes off his wife and carried her in his arms.

It is difficult to understand when, after pleasant gifts, romantic evenings, fiery nights of love, the other half turned into a harsh and irritable person.

In this case, it is recommended to understand the reasons for the husband’s coldness.

50% of problems in the family are a consequence of the spouse’s behavior

It is possible that the woman herself is to blame for the unfavorable changes, who has ceased to be desirable due to her own frivolity and arrogance.

Men, if they were not driven by mercantile goals, marry with great caution. If a once caring and tender spouse has become an icy rock, then a wise woman should seriously think about the strategy of her behavior.

Watch the video. What to do if your husband has lost his temper?

Causes

The beginning of the end in a marriage is determined by various factors. Every family is happy and unhappy in its own way.

Among the most common reasons for the appearance of coldness in a husband’s behavior, the following problems should be highlighted:

• Life Routine can nullify even the most romantic relationships in a married couple. The situation is also heated by the lack of finances, which causes daily quarrels,
• No mystery. Well-groomed beauties in high heels attract the male gaze much more often than a wife in combat gear: curlers, nourishing mask and worn-out slippers. Sexy dresses and miniskirts are replaced with an old terry robe, which also attracts little attention from the wife,
• Ordinary. In some cases, after Mendelssohn's march, the ladies relax, believing that they have brought a bull into the stall. Their significant other also begins to think, which ultimately completely destroys the romance in the couple’s relationship,
• Boredom. A man can grow cold towards his wife if she has turned from a cheerful chirper into a sad and grumpy creature. Even housewives must have their own personal interests in order to be attractive to their husbands.

How to save a family on the verge of divorce - advice from a psychologist.

Signs

The disease is difficult to cure without knowing the sources of the disease. Relationships with her husband are a minefield for a woman who does not know how to foresee the consequences of her own mistakes. However, in many cases it is possible to correct the situation if we analyze in detail the cooling that has occurred on the part of the husband.

The list of signs at which a wife should sound the alarm is as follows:

• Lack of sex. If the once vibrant intimate relationship has turned into a rare fulfillment of marital duty, then the husband has clearly lost interest in his chosen one. The exception is physiological problems of the intimate nature of the spouse. Otherwise, the other half no longer sees the wife as a desirable sexual partner,
• Lack of interest. A loving man will always try to find out what is currently happening with his partner. If the spouse has lost interest, then the chosen one will become stingy with phone calls and SMS. He may warn about a delay at work, but will not take an interest in the affairs and well-being of his wife,
• Separate rest. A husband who has lost interest in his chosen one will try, under any pretext, to spend his free time with friends. The other half does not give any intelligible explanations, considering such behavior to be the norm. A more alarming bell will be the desire of your loved one to spend their holidays separately,
• Disappearance of jealousy. The fact that even before the cooling-off period, the husband’s behavior did not resemble Othello should not be relaxing. Men are still hunters and owners by nature, so they will not tolerate the appearance of obvious interest of the opposite sex in a lady dear to their hearts.

How to proceed

The most difficult question in the current situation is recognizing the need to return the former interest of the other half. In this case, we are not talking about pride, but about basic common sense and foresight.

If love has really left the heart of the chosen one or he is seriously interested in someone else, then you should consider the option of refusing to return your husband.

Time will put everything in its place, allowing the woman to find a new life partner.

If the reason for the husband’s cooling is the lady’s behavior, then it is recommended to act in the following direction:

• Changing the image. It is not at all necessary to change your hair color from blonde to brunette, which can cause even greater rejection from your spouse. It will be more productive to change your hairstyle, buy eye-catching accessories and update your wardrobe. In this case, you should focus on the preferences of your other half. The husband will not scold him for the money spent if the money was not thrown away and he liked the new image,
• Free movement. This advice does not mean that you should turn from a housewife into a cat that walks on its own. It is enough to sign up for interesting courses, take a subscription to the pool or gym. Gatherings with friends that don’t turn into revelry until the morning won’t hurt either,
• Intimate life. Scented candles, new underwear and music conducive to solitude will help put your husband in a playful mood. It's time to forget about modesty and invite your loved one to experiment in bed. Family matters can wait, and the children can be sent to stay with their parents. Women who often deny intimacy to their significant other due to a mythical migraine end up alone. There are too many beautiful ladies around, so there is no need to risk family happiness,
• CONSPIRACY. It is not forbidden to turn to a fortune teller or soothsayer. However, it is worth remembering that jokes with magic sometimes end very badly,
• Frankness. It is not recommended to interrogate your husband with bias, but a heart-to-heart conversation should definitely take place. Representatives of the stronger sex love when they are trusted with the most intimate things. The main thing is not to get too carried away and remain a mystery woman.

THIS IS INTERESTING! What to do if your man is distant?

What not to do

Panic is the worst option in a situation where the husband has lost his temper. Some women choose the wrong strategy, ultimately destroying their family in this way.

My husband wants to get a divorce, but I don’t – what should I do?

Under no circumstances should you behave in the following manner:

• Scandal. You should sort things out with yourself if the first signs of alienation of your loved one appear. A man will definitely look for adventures on the side if a hysterical wife with a lot of complaints is waiting for him at home. Breaking dishes in a shared kitchen looks spectacular only in movies, which is something that exalted young ladies forget about,
• Chase. Representatives of the stronger sex do not like being pressured through blackmail. Endless calls and checking pockets will definitely alienate the husband, who has grown cold. The worst option is pressure on pity and demonstrative attempts at suicide. A life partner may become emotional, but he will never be able to love a blackmailer,
• Deal with the homewrecker. The situation is quite unpleasant and painful when the other half has found another woman. A mistake many ladies make is organizing surveillance of a couple and a stormy showdown with their lovers. The worst option is to involve the public (parents, friends, colleagues) in a showdown with insidious deceivers. Some ladies are not shy about even using their fists, which absolutely does not look good on bullies in the eyes of their husbands,
• Manipulate. Children should under no circumstances become an instrument of revenge in the hands of a jealous woman. Blackmailing with money is also not recommended. The man will decide to help his offspring, but he will definitely leave the house,
• Listen to advice. The recommendations of wise people can be analyzed. However, quite often “experienced” girlfriends like to screw the victim of a man’s coldness even further. From their bell tower, the gossips see and hear everything, but the couple eventually breaks up,
• Be lacking initiative. The husband's coldness is an alarming signal that needs to be responded to immediately. The only limitation is no extremes, which will only aggravate the situation.

If your spouse’s feelings are still alive, then you should fight for the family to the last. It is quite possible for the two of you to resume their old relationship. If there are no feelings left, then you will have to let your loved one go into a new life.

How to survive pain

Prayer helps many people get through difficult events. Daily turning to God will heal spiritual wounds over time and help you take the right path.

A great way to restore peace of mind is to learn to control your own emotions. Irritation spoils a person’s karma, and anger destroys it to the ground.

With such tactics, the husband will notice the changes that have taken place in his wife, and will also begin to improve. Representatives of the stronger sex have affairs with stupid beauties, but they want to live their whole lives with a wise woman.

The self-improvement of a humiliated person may end with the wife looking at her husband with different eyes. The veil will fall from the wife’s eyes, and she herself will not want to return the favor of the chosen one, who has lost interest in her.

How to save a family after your husband cheats - advice from a psychologist.

When do you need a psychologist

If partners begin to irritate each other, then it’s time to visit a healer of human souls.

An alarming signal is the fact when a once loved one causes hostility even with his voice and smell. Endless nagging eventually develops into scandals, and the couple breaks up.

Seeing in a potential partner an opportunity to fill a spiritual void, some people enter into hasty marriages.

In 7 out of 10 situations, relationships can be revived

Only man is the architect of his own happiness. Having not received the full amount of love and understanding from the chosen one, the victim of self-deception loses interest in his partner. In this case, it is recommended to start replenishing one’s inner world, rather than putting the burden of unresolved problems on the shoulders of the chosen one. If difficulties arise, you cannot do without consulting a psychologist.

If the husband has lost his temper during pregnancy or after childbirth

Waiting for the birth of a child is a responsible and happy period in the life of a future mother. Some men become more affectionate towards their spouse. However, there is a category of future dads who grow cold towards a pregnant woman.

In this situation, it is recommended to have a heart-to-heart talk with your husband. Perhaps the chosen one is not satisfied with his intimate life or the complete lack of sex during this period. To resolve the issue, a woman needs to educate her partner about sex life during pregnancy.

If a man is afraid of harming the fetus, then it wouldn’t hurt to ask the gynecologist to reassure his spouse. Correctly chosen position and absence of excessive agility cannot harm the baby.

If there is a threat of miscarriage, sex is definitely contraindicated. If a man has lost interest in the expectant mother due to prolonged abstinence, then it is worth thinking about the moral qualities of the chosen one. A real man will never reproach a partner who refuses if intimate life jeopardizes the life of the baby.

After giving birth, many women notice coldness on the part of their spouse. In most cases, it is worth looking for the cause of the disorder in yourself.

A woman, enjoying motherhood, sometimes simply removes her husband from her field of attention. In addition, often a lady turns from a nice girl into an unkempt person. The main justification for such mothers is the excuse of being full-time with the child all day long.

There is some truth in this statement if the woman is not helped by her husband in everyday life. However, every young mother has the opportunity to wash her hair and wear a flirty robe at home.

It also wouldn’t hurt to have a frank conversation with your husband about sharing responsibilities for caring for the baby. The spouse may well take a walk with the stroller while his other half takes care of his appearance.

How to improve your relationship with your husband?

If he has another

Letting the ship go free is the right decision in this situation. If you have a serious feeling for another woman, even children will not be able to restrain your spouse. Manipulating a child is a waste of time and nerves.

If we are talking about a fleeting affair, then the spouse will independently find his way home after adventures on the side.

A rival should not cause depression in a legal wife. You should think about your own future, and not analyze all the aspects of the functioning of the love triangle.

A strong and wise woman will endure the betrayal of a loved one with dignity. Life is an unpredictable thing, so a lady who is confident in her own abilities will not remain without male attention for long. It is possible that the ex-husband will want to eventually regain the trust of the deceived woman.

Watch the video. Advice from a psychologist. If feelings are gone.

Psychologist's advice

Psychologists are a lifesaver for women to whom the chosen one has lost interest. Some ladies do not have the time or financial resources to visit a professional. You shouldn’t despair, because you can get a full consultation online.

Psychologists recommend that their patients take the following steps when their partner feels cold:

• Turn your husband into a hunter. Representatives of the stronger sex are mostly owners. However, they will not be jealous of a sad creature in a greasy robe. The wife sits at home, so let her sit. If your husband has cooled down, you should shock your other half with a new hairstyle and wardrobe update. It is guaranteed that the chosen one will “take a stand” and begin to protect his beautiful wife from potential male rivals,
• Organize a joint vacation. Stinginess can lead to divorce, so it is not recommended to waste time on trifles. If you have great financial resources, traveling won't hurt. If you have limited funds, visit an elite restaurant. Extreme sports enthusiasts can safely pack their backpacks and go hiking,
• Share a hobby with your husband. Even if a woman can’t stand football, it’s worth buying a beer and watching the next match with her husband with increased interest. Ideally, it is recommended to get tickets to the game of the team for which the chosen one is a fan.

Forum

If you want to share your pain with your friends in misfortune, you can visit the women's forum.

How to improve relations with your husband on the verge of a crisis in family relations?

Examples of stories about personal life on the portal for beautiful ladies:

• My husband lost interest in me, which was a significant blow to my pride. After analyzing the situation, I forked out for an apartment for daily rent in an elite area. She also didn’t skimp on vintage wine, scented candles and sexy lingerie. As a result, we regained our former passion and my husband gave us a car as a present,
• My personal opinion is that a change of scenery will not bring the expected result. I advise you to solve the problem from the inside, and not hide behind a pretty picture. You just need to sit down and talk frankly with your husband, who has become cold,
• I can share my personal experience. I am a mature woman. I am 47 years old. My husband's midlife crisis was over. During a frank conversation, I was informed that love and passion do not exist until the grave. I didn’t want to ruin my family. In any couple, feelings fade over time, so the main thing is trust and mutual understanding.

CONSPIRACY

The candy-bouquet period does not last long. You have to come to terms with this fact. However, it is quite possible to refresh your feelings. If the husband has cooled down, then you can use a spell.

To do this, you must meet the following conditions:

• Action start date - new moon,
• The next step is prayer in church,
• In the evening - reading the plot.

You need to set the collar of your husband's unwashed shirt on fire.

The words of the conspiracy that need to be read at this moment are as follows: “Just as a person admires himself in the mirror, let my husband look at me and not look enough. So that his love would be long, and he could not know joy without me.”

After reading the plot, the shirt is hidden away from the eyes of the spouse.

Inviolable territory

Here is another reason why spouses quarrel so often. A man expects a woman not to infringe on his freedom. And this doesn't just apply to hanging out with friends. When a girl chooses what a man will wear, what he will eat and how much he will drink, this is all an invasion of personal space. Especially if she uses hysteria and scandal for these purposes.

You don't want a man to get drunk at a party tonight? Then promise him something that he will think about all evening. Don't you like his sweater? Hide it one fine morning. And when a man has to wear something different, be sure to admire him. Say that in this he is so sexy and desirable for you that you lose your head. You might even be late for work for this. The main thing is for the man to see that you are really delighted with his appearance. The next morning, the “awful sweater” can be returned to its place. We bet he won't even remember about him?

He doesn't like you that much if he only wants to see you when he's drunk.

If he likes you, he will be eager to see you when his brain is not clouded by alcohol fumes. If your clown puts on a red nose every time it comes to intimacy, then this indicates that there are serious problems in your relationship.

The “But I like it when he’s drunk” excuse

If, sitting at a bar, he drunk says something like: “Baby, you’re so beautiful!” and at the same time hugs you a little tighter than he should, then it’s high time you learned something: you can’t believe everything a man says when he’s drunk. And listen to the ex-bad guy: “bad boys” are called bad because they have a lot of troubles, no self-esteem, and they have absolutely no faith in sincere love relationships, but very often they dress cool and drive cool cars. wheelbarrows. Is this really what you need?

The “At least he doesn’t drink the strongest drinks” excuse

Don't be fooled. A guy who doesn't collapse and pee his pants from drinking shouldn't get away with quietly turning his brain off in a different, easier way every time you're together. It's still intoxication, it's still a desire to avoid responsibility, and it's still not very good for you.

Remember:

• His words mean nothing if he said them while drunk. “I love you” or the like, said under the influence of any drink stronger than grape juice, has no force in court or in real life.
• Drinking alcohol and drugs is not the way to a person’s deepest feelings. Otherwise, people wouldn't break empty beer bottles over their heads and try to touch the flames of a fire to see if they would feel anything or not.
• If he wants to see you, communicate with you, have sex with you only when he is drunk, this is not love, this is sport.
• Bad guys aren't called bad for nothing.
• You deserve a man who doesn't have to pump himself up to spend time with you.

Work and free time

Women like to complain about two things:

1. He earns little.
2. He doesn't spend much time with me.

And such complaints usually sound almost simultaneously. That is, on the one hand, the young lady dreams of living a prosperous life, and on the other, so that her beloved will always be nearby. But this is practically impossible. All successful men work like oxen. Such dedication to work will certainly be generously rewarded.

A man wants to find a woman who will support and understand him. He needs a reliable rear, but he didn’t drink. Let him feel that his efforts are not in vain. But proper organization of rest is a woman’s task.

A little about appearance

When it becomes clear what a man expects from a woman in a relationship, questions inevitably arise that relate to the lady’s appearance. An intelligent and well-mannered guy will never make comments about excess weight, greasy hair and a dirty robe. However, this does not mean at all that he is satisfied with everything.

Yes, a woman has periods (especially after the birth of a baby) when it is incredibly difficult to find at least a couple of minutes for herself. But when this drags on for many years, a man ceases to see a woman as a sexual goddess, in front of him is just a housekeeper. That's the same attitude towards her.

Qualities you need to have

Do you think that a man expects something from a woman? But in fact it's the other way around. Actions and active actions are his prerogative. And if you are already pulling this burden yourself, be prepared that sooner or later you will also play the role of a man. The attitude towards a woman depends entirely on her behavior.

If she is fragile and defenseless, a strong man will be nearby. And if this is a vixen who sweeps away everything in her path, it is possible that sooner or later the loved one will turn into a lack of initiative and inertia.

The main function of a woman in a relationship is to give love and beauty, to provide comfort, peace and tranquility in the home. For a man, a home is an oasis, an island where you can relax from all your problems. If you value relationships, immediately let go of all grievances and build a new - strong and happy - family.