Ending a relationship with a narcissist is one of the hardest things a person can do. Narcissists, we think we know everything about them because we read about these people. Familiar with their games and manipulations. We know that a relationship with them is tantamount to disaster.
Anyone can be a victim of abuse from a narcissist. No matter how confident, strong and secure a person feels, anyone will become unworthy of love because of a heart broken by a narcissist.
In a normal parting with an ordinary person, everything will be said with respect and mutual agreement. You won't feel scared or stressed. But a relationship with a narcissist is not normal, and therefore neither is a breakup. This is why you must know how to safely remove yourself from their presence and influence.
What is a narcissist?
Psychologists call men who have highly inflated self-esteem narcissists.
In other words , such a person thinks that there is no one better than him in the world . He constantly admires himself and believes that others should do the same.
Men belonging to this category find it difficult to interact with society. They have almost no friends, but girls often fall in love with them. An affair with such a person is distinguished by its swiftness, but therein lies the problem.
Narcissists quickly lose interest in their chosen one . They have already achieved their goal, satisfied their own ego. Logically, they should quickly end the relationship with the girl. This often happens if the initiative comes from the guy.
The situation changes radically when the girl starts talking about breaking up. The narcissist feels violated. This deals a serious blow to his self-esteem. He tries to win back his partner in every possible way. If this does not work out, the man begins to take revenge.
It is also difficult for girls to end a relationship with such a guy . Narcissists quickly become attached to themselves, involuntarily using various levers of psychological pressure. However, they themselves may not be aware of it.
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How to get rid of narcissism
Narcissistic disorder is often demonized, narcissism is easily attributed to abusers and manipulators, and it is indeed part of the so-called “dark triad” - a typical list of personality traits for people prone to malicious behavior. But this does not mean that every narcissist is a cruel tyrant, and his behavior cannot be corrected. If a person realizes that the specifics of his personality create difficulties for himself and bring pain to loved ones, he can successfully undergo psychotherapy. Drug treatment is not used in this case unless there are other comorbid disorders (for example, anxiety or depression).
Olga Gumanova:
“With experience, I am increasingly convinced that the popular “narcissophobia” today has no real basis. Any personality disorders and neurotic types of personality organization are not corrected only if a person denies his pain, depression, and tries to pretend that everything is fine with him. Narcissists actually have more reasons to deny problems because, as a rule, everything is fine with their careers and personal lives. Why do I need a psychologist if I have a prestigious position, a high salary and a crowd of fans?
Now 60 percent of psychologists’ clients are narcissists. People come because they are in pain, they have a very disassembled, fragmented self, they no longer want to endure it and want to change. And they can change if they want.”
What are the dangers of a relationship with such a person?
Relationships with narcissistic men follow a classic pattern. At first, everything happens like in romance novels - the guy gives flowers, looks after her beautifully and turns the girl’s life into a fairy tale.
Thanks to this, the woman quickly becomes attached to the narcissist and lulls her vigilance. However, the idyll does not last long. A few months after the start of a relationship, the first alarm bells appear.
The man tries to make sure that the girl spends all her time exclusively with him. This is achieved through psychological manipulation.
The narcissist strives for complete social isolation of his victim. Jealousy can even manifest itself towards relatives and close friends .
At the same time, the man tries to instill in the woman the idea that all the troubles that happen in the relationship between partners are only her fault. Over time, the narcissist's victim develops a constant feeling of guilt. This leads to the fact that a person begins to consider himself inferior. Even his thoughts begin to seem wrong to him.
Doubts arise about your adequacy . At the same time, the man strongly reinforces this opinion with his actions and words. Over time, he begins to control all areas of his partner’s life. For any deviation from the conditions created by him, the victim is punished. This can manifest itself mentally or physically.
All this leads to psychological trauma for the girl after a short time. Such relationships need to be ended, although this is not easy, because the woman very quickly gets used to the narcissist and believes that the troubles that arise are only her fault. Here we should not forget that narcissists do not reform. There are such chances, but they are insignificant.
Signs of Narcissism
Consider the psychological portrait of a male narcissist . There are several signs that will help you identify a narcissist:
- Inflated self-esteem. They are confident that they are capable of anything, so they cannot stand criticism. They expect nothing but admiration from those around them. They often change sexual partners to ensure their own superiority.
- The desire to be the center of attention. Narcissists believe they are unique and constantly try to gain attention. They do not tolerate loneliness well and depend on the opinions of others.
- Indifference. They are convinced that they should always be supported, but they themselves do not do this. They have no compassion even for close people.
- Arrogance. Such men believe that they are better than others, therefore they communicate with others condescendingly and like to criticize others.
- The desire for an ideal appearance. They want to please everyone, so they pay a lot of attention to their appearance.
In young guys, narcissism is much more noticeable, and with age the signs begin to appear weaker, in some cases they may disappear completely. Men after 30 years begin to be more critical of themselves. Some people themselves realize their problem and turn to psychologists and psychotherapists for help.
Options for the development of events in the event of a rupture
How does a narcissist behave during a breakup?
If a man initiated the breakup, the process proceeds peacefully. The narcissist simply announces his departure and quickly disappears from the girl’s sight. Basically, such a sharp change in behavior tactics is caused by a new romance that has begun with a guy.
The girl, as with any breakup, first becomes depressed. However, this does not last long. When the “rose-colored glasses” of love fall away from her eyes, the woman begins to understand what trap she managed to avoid.
Events develop completely differently if they are initiated by a girl. The narcissist feels violated and refuses to accept the fact that they could have broken up with him . He considers himself the best person on earth, which further complicates the situation. The feeling of being hurt is replaced by anger.
Narcissists depend on their partners to help them improve their self-esteem. Therefore, the man tries to win the woman back at any cost. Various methods are used for this. At the first stages, the guy tries to assure the girl that he can change. The narcissist is humiliated and asks to stay. If this does not help, he begins to threaten and take revenge.
The narcissist's revenge is original and cruel. He may post compromising photographs of the girl publicly on social networks or start spreading rumors about her among mutual friends. When the outrage subsides a little, “random” meetings or direct persecution begin.
However, there is also a peaceful option for the development of events . After breaking up with his partner, the guy considers it beneath his dignity to humiliate himself in front of her and looks for a new victim. This, as a rule, does not take much time and after just a few weeks the girl can be calm about her freedom and safety. After all, narcissists, after entering into a new relationship, never return to the previous one.
Stand your ground, do not give in to manipulation and firmly tell yourself that there is no turning back
Once a person leaves a narcissist, he automatically becomes his worst enemy for daring to undermine his image and ruin his “beautiful face.” Be prepared for the abandoned narcissist to insult you, slander and gossip behind your back, and react painfully and viciously to everything you do, say and do.
You need to be prepared for this, so start working on yourself, mainly about restoring self-esteem. Try, for example, to find new talents in yourself (or remember old ones) and begin to develop them.
What should a woman do?
How to end a relationship with a narcissist? It is recommended to adhere to some rules:
Provide yourself with external support .
You need to discuss the situation with parents, close friends and other people who can support the person. It is important for a girl that at a difficult moment in her life she can speak out to someone and receive moral help.This allows her to act more decisively when breaking up and not retreat from her positions.
- No final conversation .
The classic version of separation is considered to be a serious heart-to-heart conversation, after which the former partners go in different directions, while continuing to maintain friendly relations. For a narcissist, it is worth making an exception and denying him this rule. Men of this type know the weak points of their victim, and are able to put pressure on them in time. This will return the relationship to its previous level. Moreover, on a subconscious level, in the first weeks after the breakup, the girl herself wants to do this. - Limit your social circle .
Not all friends and relatives will support the girl in her decision. There will be those who will tell her that she made a mistake. Moreover, half of them will do this under pressure from the same narcissist. For several months or years after the breakup, it is recommended to limit communication with such people. Under constant pressure, a girl may not be able to stand it and change her decision. - Expand the scope of activity .
Narcissists control people. Over time, it becomes his only hobby. After separation, it is necessary to do the reverse procedure, i.e. the girl gradually removes her ex-partner from her life. At this time, you can take up a new hobby, visit a new city, etc. It is important that the girl herself understands that a man is not the center of the universe for her. Even if a woman later decides to return to her boyfriend, she will be able to correctly prioritize the relationship. - Find your leverage .
Narcissists are good psychologists on a subconscious level. They find the weak points of their victim and, by pressing these “buttons,” they gradually begin to completely control it. After breaking up with such a person, the girl must find in herself these levers of pressure that the guy used. They should be written down on a piece of paper. Perhaps these are some specific words. Knowing how she was attacked in the past, a woman will be able to defend herself against such attacks in the future. - Run . You need to leave the narcissist abruptly, without giving him the opportunity to correct the situation. The reason for the breakup can be explained in a letter. After this, the girl must break all contacts with the man (block numbers and social networks, change places of walking, etc.). This is the only way to completely end a relationship with such a man.
Toxics, Narcissists, and Gaslighters: Simple Techniques to Help You Resist Them
Shahida Arabi has spent several years studying behavioral strategies for victims of bullying and abusive behavior. She is the author of several best-selling books on how to stop manipulators, gaslighters, and narcissists from doing what they do so well. In the summer, Mann, Ivanov and Ferber published her book Toxic People. Inc. publishes an excerpt.
Pointless arguments and distractions in conversation
Malignant narcissists use a variety of conversational distractions to unsettle you and draw you into their chaos. These may include the following tactics:
Getting personal and undermining reputation. When narcissists cannot logically refute your argument or point of view, they resort to personal attacks: using illogical reasoning, insults, projection, and gaslighting to confuse and confuse you whenever you disagree or challenge them. This is done to discredit and confuse you, lead you away from the main problem and make you feel guilty for being a living person with thoughts and feelings that are different from their own. Ten minutes of arguing with a narcissist is all it takes and you'll be wondering how you got into this in the first place. You just expressed disagreement with his ridiculous statement that the sky is red, and now your entire childhood, family, friends, moral standards, career and lifestyle are mixed with dirt. This is because your disagreement contradicts his false belief that he is all-powerful and all-knowing, threatening his inflated ego and sense of his own superiority. Instead of responding to your arguments, he attacks your personality.
How to resist getting personal. Of course, the best response is no reaction, but if for some reason you are forced to respond to the narcissist's attacks, then do not give in to his distractions. Repeat the facts and let him know that personal attacks are irrelevant. If possible, stop this conversation. You are not obligated to explain to an adult how to be a worthy person. Remember: toxic people are not arguing with you, they are, in fact, arguing with themselves, and you are just an accomplice in their long, exhausting monologue. They love drama and live to create chaos. By trying to find an argument to refute their outlandish claims, you provide narcissistic reinforcement. Don't feed narcissists - rather realize that the problem is not you, but their abusive behavior. Stop communicating as soon as you feel the first signs of escalation and spend your energy on self-care and self-protection.
Labeling. As you know, narcissists make mountains out of molehills in the event of any threat to their superiority. In their reality, only they can be right, and anyone who dares to disagree will become the cause of narcissistic rage. According to psychiatrist Mark Goulston, this is not a consequence of low self-esteem, but a feeling of permissiveness and a false sense of superiority. He writes: “In the narcissist’s eyes, the whole world must approve, adore, obey and agree with him. Anything less is perceived as an attack, which the narcissist feels he has the right to respond to with anger.” In the basest of this type, rage takes the form of name-calling when they fail to otherwise influence your opinion or emotions. They feel entitled to humiliate and call you names. Name-calling is a quick and easy way to demean your intelligence, appearance, or behavior, while denying you the right to be a person with an opinion. This tactic can also be used to criticize your beliefs, opinions, and ideas. Your personal life experience, valid point of view, or reasoned opinion suddenly becomes “stupid” or “idiotic” in the hands of an abusive narcissist who feels threatened but has nothing substantive to say. Narcissists insult your intelligence to hide their incompetence. Instead of attacking your arguments, the narcissist attacks you, trying in every possible way to undermine your authority and question your intelligence.
How to resist labeling. It is important to stop any offensive interaction and convey to your opponent that you do not intend to tolerate it. The situation will only get worse. Don't take it personally: understand that a person resorts to insults only because he does not know other, more worthy methods of communication. You can do the following:
— If you are frustrated by labeling, use mindful breathing techniques to calm yourself and shift your focus to the best ways to protect yourself in your circumstances.
- If a family member or partner uses this tactic towards you during a discussion, firmly say that you are not going to tolerate such disrespect and end the conversation safely.
- If this is due to stalking or harassment by an ex-partner, keep the evidence in case it is needed to bring a criminal case.
— If you are being labeled in a professional environment, analyze whether you can bring this to the attention of your superiors.
— If you encounter an incident on the Internet, report it to the appropriate social network service and block the aggressor. Save screenshots in case the person continues the cyberstalking.
Large-scale generalizations. Instead of dealing with the real issues, narcissists prefer to make sweeping generalizations if we dare to report abuse. These generalizations include exaggerating your oversensitivity or making sweeping statements like “You're never happy” or “You're always overreacting.” This tactic can be especially powerful with empathetic people because it uses gaslighting to instill the idea that the problem lies with our heightened sensitivity rather than with their abuse. And while it is true that you may be overly sensitive at times, it is much more likely that most of the time the destructive person is insensitive and cruel.
How to deal with sweeping generalizations. Toxic people who make superficial statements do not represent the fullness and nuances of reality. They express a distorted point of view based on their own self-centered intentions. Stick to the truth and try to resist generalizations, because they are just a form of completely illogical black and white thinking. Depending on how receptive you think the person is to feedback, you might say, “You're generalizing. There have been many examples to the contrary." However, the more toxic a person is, the more likely you are to get bogged down in pointless arguments designed to keep you off balance. Try not to fall into this trap, but stick to the primary point you are trying to make and end the conversation if the person descends into personal attacks.
Deliberate distortion of your point of view to the point of absurdity. If you dare to disagree with a narcissist, your differences of opinion, emotions and real experiences turn into character flaws and “evidence” of your irrationality and inability to think critically. This common cognitive distortion is called “mind reading.” Toxic people claim to know your thoughts and feelings. They regularly jump to conclusions based on their own reactions, rather than rationally assessing the situation. These discrepancies may be based on their own illusions and misconceptions, as well as the need to purposefully unsettle you and divert attention from the problem. Narcissists make up stories that distort your actual words, making your thoughts seem absurd or simply monstrous. Instead of acknowledging your emotions, the narcissist distracts you with unimaginable accusations. For example, you tell a toxic partner that you don't like the way they communicate. In response, he distorts your words: “So you are perfection itself?” or “So you think I’m bad?” - although you just expressed your feelings. Or he may begin to criticize your character, saying, “So what you're saying is that I shouldn't have an opinion. You like to control everything too much!” This gives them the opportunity to invalidate your right to have thoughts and emotions about their inappropriate behavior and instills guilt in you when you try to set boundaries.
How to respond to such distortions. The best way to draw a clear line is to repeat, if necessary, “I didn’t say that. Don't speak for me." If the person continues to accuse you of things you didn't do or say, end the conversation. Don't let the toxic person shift the blame and deflect the conversation away from their own destructive behavior or make you feel ashamed for daring to speak your truth.
If you can't avoid interacting with someone (at work, for example), it's a good idea to briefly and factually describe what you did or said and leave the conversation.
Changing the topic to avoid responsibility. I call this maneuver the “And you?” syndrome. It involves a deviation from the topic under discussion in order to shift attention to something completely different. Narcissists don't want to discuss the issue of their personal responsibility, so they steer away from the conversation to avoid consequences. Are you complaining that he doesn't spend time with the kids? He will remind you of the mistake in raising them that you made ten years ago. Are you making it clear that his lies are unacceptable? It will mark the moment when you resorted to innocent deception to avoid attending a family event. This maneuver has no time or theme and often begins with the words: “What about that time you did that?”
How to avoid this maneuver. Do not be distructed. If a toxic person tries to change concepts, use the broken record method described above: continue to persistently repeat the facts without going off topic. Turn the arrows back, say: “That’s not what I’m talking about now. Let's focus on the problem that is relevant at the moment."
Bait and feigned innocence. Toxic people create a false sense of security in order to become even more destructive in their cruelty. Common tactics include provocative language, offensive jokes, name-calling, hurtful accusations, and unfounded generalizations. A toxic partner may make a casual comment about a co-worker's attractive appearance or make an inappropriate joke about wanting to have an affair. This is a ploy to test your reaction. Once such a person drags you into a meaningless, random quarrel, it will grow like a snowball, because he does not know sympathy and remorse for tactless behavior. Simple disagreement can be a bait, and even if at first you restrain yourself within the bounds of politeness, you will quickly realize that it is driven by a malicious desire to humiliate you. Hidden humiliation disguised as a joke is a way to get deep into your soul while avoiding responsibility. Such aggressive injections under the guise of a comic skirmish allow the manipulator to say the most terrible things, while maintaining outward innocence and equanimity. However, every time you are outraged by an insensitive, harsh comment, you are accused of lacking a sense of humor. After all, it's just a joke! Not at all. This is a way of using gaslighting to make you think that such verbal abuse is just a joke: a way to distract you from your opponent's cruelty at the expense of your sensitivity. After luring you in with a seemingly innocent comment, they begin to play with your emotions. Remember: narcissists know your vulnerabilities, weaknesses, they know what unpleasant phrases will undermine your self-confidence and what topics will open old wounds. They use this knowledge to provoke you. After you swallow the bait whole, the narcissist will calm down and innocently ask if you are okay, claiming that he “didn’t mean to” disturb you. This feigned innocence takes you by surprise and makes you believe that he didn't really mean to hurt you, until it starts happening so often that you can no longer deny his obvious intentional cruelty.
How to avoid taking the bait. Be wary of any rude comments, playing devil's advocate or making inappropriate jokes. There's usually a reason for this. This will help you understand at what point they are trying to catch you, and will allow you to stop communication as early as possible. Trust your intuition: if, even after the interlocutor has interpreted what was said, you feel that you have been humiliated, this is a signal to take your time to comprehend the situation before reacting. Not everyone is able to express their disagreement respectfully. Remain vigilant and guard against possible escalation of the conflict.
Instead of responding directly to the bait, say something like, “That's interesting,” and end the conversation.
This leaves almost no chance to continue the conversation and does not give the manipulator the emotional reaction he is hoping for. Of course, such situations will be repeated. Some toxic people will continue their provocations even without receiving any emotional response. In this case, it is important to be able to stand up for yourself and make it clear that you will not tolerate such behavior and will immediately end the conversation, ending the relationship permanently.
Trying to respond to manipulative people for their hidden provocations may lead to further gaslighting, but continue to maintain your belief that their behavior is not normal. Be firm by cutting ties with the person who provokes you and encourages you to react emotionally. Given your hypersensitivity, it cannot be said that you are “too” sensitive to the provocations of an insensitive person. Your reactions are justified. Trust yourself.
How to Use the Purging Method When Dealing with a Narcissist
Description. If you need to describe a situation to a narcissist, refrain from overly emotional statements and use facts to avoid direct confrontation. Whenever possible, use email or text messages to be able to maintain correspondence. Narcissists feed off your emotional reactions and love to provoke highly sensitive people. Less emotional sensitivity is part of a larger technique known as the gray stone method. It was created by a victim of a psychopath, a blogger named Skylar. The essence of this technique is that you begin to play the role of an inconspicuous gray stone so that the narcissist stops noticing you and does not actively seek to manipulate you, much like a hunted animal plays dead to avoid being pursued by a predator. Using less emotional language can greatly help you, as the narcissist will then not get much out of you and will switch to a more accessible victim of provocation and manipulation. In this case, it is effective to use a calm, controlled or even dispassionate tone of voice when presenting facts, or to give short and dry answers when exchanging text messages or emails.
Clear wording. When explaining why a narcissist's behavior is problematic, it is important to shift the focus away from yourself and toward the possible consequences. Example: “If you do not stop seeking contact with me, I will have to involve law enforcement.” Or you can directly say, “Stop stalking me.” You should do this via email or text message to be able to save the correspondence.
Using boundaries. Express your wishes directly, but only once through electronic communication channels. For example, if a married man is looking for communication with you, you can write to him: “I don’t start relationships with married people. Please don't contact me again." If he continues to harass you, you can block his number and social media accounts. If he uses anonymous accounts or multiple phone numbers, keep all the information: it may be required for legal purposes.
Words of gratitude. In most cases, when interacting with a narcissist, you should not say words of gratitude: do not put your finger in his mouth - he will bite off his whole hand. However, you can pay attention to your needs. If you need to negotiate in a situation where you cannot permanently end the relationship (for example, at work), find a way to meet your needs in some way. For example, if a coworker asks you to do most of the work on a project, tell him that you will do his half after he finishes his. Make sure there is a factor of responsibility or reciprocity so that the person understands that their needs will only be met after yours.
Hardness. Stick to the facts and your goals, regardless of all the maneuvers the narcissist tries to manipulate you through. For example, if you are being gaslighted, you may use the broken record approach and repeat the same thing. Another option is not to say anything at all, interrupt communication with this person and simply remind yourself of the real state of affairs. Bringing yourself back to reality is no less, and maybe even more important. You do not need the narcissist's permission to stop this communication and take care of yourself.
Compromise. Narcissists are generally unable to express disagreement peacefully, so don't expect to negotiate honestly with them. They will be furious if you compromise their sense of entitlement. However, it is important to find unity with your goals, establish contacts with supportive people, connect external resources and expand your capabilities. No matter how hard they violate your boundaries, continue to do what you are doing that is good for you, and do not allow them to avoid responsibility. As you observe and gather information about what is happening, keep all the evidence and remember that the narcissist rarely keeps his word. Try to achieve integrity within yourself and resist the emotional manipulation that the narcissist will certainly use to get their way.
An active show of force. Faking confidence, even when you don't feel it, is even more important when interacting with a narcissist who is constantly looking for any vulnerabilities. Avoid direct confrontation whenever possible. If this is not possible, use this interaction to boost your confidence. Involve a third party who can act as a mediator, a witness, or who can give you courage. If you are usually a quiet and soft-spoken person, use a firm, dry and unwavering tone in this case. If it helps you, take a “power pose.” Maintain eye contact.
Exit strategy
If you suspect you are dealing with a narcissist, implement the steps below. You can use the acronym OPORA to remind yourself of your options:
About review instead of accusations.
P gradual disappearance.
Oh excuse.
Breaking relationships and a safe exit plan.
And careful observation instead of reaction.
Review instead of accusations. Narcissists are quicker to show their true selves if they think you have no idea who they really are. Direct confrontation with the narcissist will lead to further manipulation and narcissistic rage, leaving you even more stuck in the cycle of abuse. If you suspect that a narcissist is with you, the best option is to mentally prepare for the end of the relationship while simultaneously collecting as much information as possible about his character. For example, if you are planning to divorce a narcissist, do not tell him about it until you have completed all the necessary things: consulting with a divorce lawyer who specializes in working with high-conflict personalities, contacting a financial advisor who can help you deal with debts and budgeting, studying guardianship laws, opening a separate bank account and finding a place to live. Watch for warning signs and, when you notice them, build self-worth without relying on the narcissist's statements (which will most likely consist of pathological lying, gaslighting, projections and innuendo). His actions and behavior patterns will tell you much more than any words.
Gradual disappearance. Narcissists become enraged when they are ignored and rejected. But instead of rejecting them outright, you can gradually disappear from their life. Pretend that everything is as usual, but gradually spend less and less of your energy and time on them. Stick to monosyllabic and dry answers in conversations. Step by step, reduce your contribution to the person so that he gets used to the fact that you are not always around. Narcissists cannot tolerate lack of attention, so they will try to get narcissistic reinforcement elsewhere.
Excuse. When you gradually disappear from a narcissist's life, it is important to have a convenient excuse - something that he will find plausible enough to explain your distance, without realizing that you are actually pushing him out of your life. Pretend that you are very busy with a work project, emphasize how hard you are working on your coursework, talk about a new thing that is taking up your time. If this makes you even more angry, move on to the next step.
Breaking up a relationship and a safe exit plan. Ultimately, you will need a safe exit plan. Talk to a mental health counselor, your company's human resources manager, or a domestic violence lawyer to develop an escape plan. Depending on the nature of your relationship with the narcissist and whether you live together, you may not have to organize as much as you think.
Careful observation instead of reaction. If you find yourself interacting with a narcissist even after the relationship has ended (for example, when co-parenting or at family events), it is important to keep your emotions in check. As you already know, narcissists love to provoke you. Notice manipulation tactics, give them names, but do not show the expected reactions. Take a conscious breath and switch to self-care. Understand exactly what they expect from you, and you will gain emotional freedom from their maneuvers.
How to behave after?
Breaking up with a narcissist is not easy.
Such people are not used to letting go of their victim. After termination of communication, a woman is advised to consider a number of points.
The narcissist will watch . Even after the final breakup, the man will try to maintain his influence over the girl. He will monitor her social media accounts. networks, arrange “random” meetings, etc. There’s no escape from this.
The beginning of a new relationship is not the end of communication. This type of people believes that all representatives of the fair sex belong to them. Even if the narcissist has started dating a new partner, he will try to control the life of his previous one.
A more peaceful option awaits the couple if the narcissist himself initiated the separation . He quickly loses active interest in his former partner. At the same time, it is important not to try to restore the relationship on your own.
How to cope with your feelings?
What wouldn't hurt to do:
- Grieve . Breaking up is always stressful for a girl. Therefore, there is no point in holding on and pretending that everything is fine. On the contrary, you need to cry and talk it out. But at the same time, you cannot go into long-term depression. A woman can maintain her morale with new hobbies, etc. As a last resort, it is recommended to consult a psychiatrist.
- Write your problems .
If a girl feels anxious after a breakup, it is better to write her feelings on a piece of paper. This way, she will always have a list before her eyes of what is preventing her from moving on. Then you should carefully analyze him and your ended relationship. In most cases, the girl will see that she wrote most of the points under “rose-colored glasses.” You can record the analysis results on the same sheet. For example, if a woman wrote the phrase “It’s all my fault,” after analyzing the narcissist’s behavior, you can put next to “It’s not like that.” - Remember everything . In the first weeks after a breakup, the girl’s memory will throw up pictures from her happy past. There is no escape from this. However, a woman should also remember about the unpleasant moments associated with a man. For example, about losing all your friends. If you should try to erase the first memories from your memory, then it is better not to forget the second ones. This way the girl can avoid mistakes in her next relationship.
Sometimes recovery is not possible
Regardless of the recovery path chosen, it may happen that a person suffers so much that they will never fully recover from a narcissistic relationship. A narcissist or psychopath can so distort a victim's personality and so disrupt their thinking that it causes them to develop a mental illness from which the victim can never recover.
A considerable number of victims of narcissists commit suicide because they become so entangled in the wilds of their pseudo-personality created by the narcissist that they see no other way out but to end everything quickly, decisively, once and for all.
Basic mistakes
What not to do:
- Trying to blame yourself . The narcissist has taught his victim to believe that everything is his fault. At first, the habit will continue. However, this will soon pass.
- Make contact after a breakup . The narcissist will again try to tame his victim through seduction. You should not give in to provocations.
- Lower self-esteem . The narcissist already underestimated her to the person. Don't do the work for him.
- Listen to other people's opinions . You won't be good to everyone. Many people may view the breakup negatively. This is their right. However, you should not listen to their advice. The final decision must be made by the person himself.
