Often in a group you can meet a pretty girl who sits on the sidelines and is silent. At first glance, such people seem arrogant, but in reality the situation is different. They just find it difficult to have a conversation. This situation arises for many reasons: some are afraid of communication as such, others do not know where to start a conversation and how to support it. To liberate yourself and become the life of the party, you need to work on your own communication skills, improving them every day. And yet, how to become a good conversationalist?
To do this, try:
Don't avoid interacting with people
Surely, if you see someone you know on the street with whom you have no idea what to talk about, you will want to cross the road, turn into a store (even if you don’t need to go there) or simply pretend to be blind - in a word, do everything so as not to come into contact with him.
Try not to do this again, and the next time you see him, make every effort to start some casual dialogue about work, affairs, the latest news, and so on. Even if he says “Hi” to you and moves on, don’t be upset. Not everyone knows that you need practice in communication.
Forget about formalities
Nowadays, not only in everyday communication, but also in a professional environment, people value simple and informal communication, which evokes much more trust and empathy than a dry reading of company growth prospects or an unemotional story about business.
Try to open up to your interlocutor and add a little color to your communication. Even if you don't want to tell him about something personal, try to at least pretend that you are open to any topics, criticism and ideas. Then the chances that he will be interested in you increase significantly.
Listen to the speaker's position
Even if your (and your interlocutor’s) views on a particular topic differ for some reason, it is best not to enter into open confrontation with him, but to calmly listen to his position, accept it and clearly explain why you do not agree with it.
For example, he tells you that dogs are cooler than cats, although you think completely differently. Don't throw mud at him and call him brainless. Instead, listen carefully to his position, then emphasize its merits and advantages with which you agree, and only then move on to expressing your point of view without resorting to insults.
It is quite possible that after such an approach he will rethink something, otherwise you risk losing his favor.
Method number 9. Get rid of tension
An important aspect of the fight against social phobia is reducing the general background of anxiety. When a person is constantly worried about certain questions and problems, he will not have the strength to train self-confidence. To overcome anxiety, it is helpful not only to challenge and challenge disturbing thoughts, but also to take care of your physiological state. To do this, you need to sleep enough time, do not forget about proper nutrition. A great way to relieve stress is to go swimming or visit the pool.
The first step is self-confidence
You won’t know about a well-read, educated and interesting person if the person is silent. Half of the people who are closed from society are afraid to enter into dialogue. They are afraid of saying something stupid or making an inappropriate statement. Therefore, even having their own opinion, they remain silent or mumble. Remember the main character of “Office Romance,” Comrade Novoseltsev. He was afraid to talk to his strict boss, and when he opened his mouth, he talked nonsense about mushrooms and sang awkward songs. At the same time, he was frank with close people, having fun and talking.
The first step towards becoming sociable is gaining confidence. How to do it? Start with the appearance. Psychologists say that accepting the image in the mirror is a step towards success. If you don’t like the reflection, then start working on your appearance. Change your hairstyle, change your hair color, join a gym. Do what you've been dreaming about for the past year. For example, lead a healthy lifestyle. Try eating vegetables, fruits, low-fat foods and doing exercises. Did you last a week? Continue in the same spirit and consolidate the result. Self-respect and confidence will appear. You will realize that you can handle a difficult task. Shyness will go away, plus you will gain experience. If necessary, share with others.
Useful books for developing sociability
To be cool among your peers, sociable at work and sociable at home, study several books on developing communication skills. There are several popular sources that will even teach you how to become the most sociable from a gamer. If you are short on time, use audiobooks. By reading books, you broaden your horizons, which is also useful for communication skills.
Here are the basic books for leveling up your skill:
- “Mastery of communication. How to get along with anyone,” Paul McGee.
- “We turn on the charm using the methods of the secret services,” Jack Schafer and Marvin Carlins.
- “I can hear right through you. Effective negotiation techniques”, Mark Goulston.
- “Secrets of communication. The Magic of Words”, James Borg.
Method number 4. Become needed
If you have to attend a social event, this method will help you overcome panic and feel more needed. For example, you need to attend a big birthday party. Find out how you can help in advance. Maybe it will be preparing dessert, or seating guests. Or, for example, preparing props for a photo shoot. This approach will allow you to avoid the feeling of uselessness and be involved in business. You will also practice being in front of everyone, which will help you develop self-confidence.
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Method number 1. Set a goal
In the fight against fear complexes, it is important to remember: the best teacher in this matter is real experience. Of course, the theoretical component is important, but without proper practice there will be no effect. To overcome social anxiety, it is helpful to make a detailed plan for exactly how you will do it. Perhaps this is a visit to a sports section, or special psychological training. By the way, working with a psychologist can be very useful in many cases. With a specialist, a person works through negative attitudes and gets rid of complexes. Overcoming social phobia becomes much easier.
Teach openness to children
Adults like to associate them with their spontaneity. Their love of life and desire for happiness, curiosity and thirst for knowledge make adults smile and admire them. To become open-minded, it is worth looking at the world through the eyes of a child.
When you express your attitude towards something, try to choose positive ones more often. Of course, sharing negative emotions is also necessary, but remember that people are more attracted to those who inspire them.
If you want to be open to others, you need to let go of certain conventions. Give well-deserved compliments, criticize fairly and judiciously. However, avoid being rude and insulting. You will succeed only if you can put yourself in the shoes of your interlocutor. To avoid awkward situations, you need to be able to criticize correctly and learn to accept criticism constructively.
Smile more often because it is a pretty easy way to make friends with others. Keep smiling, even if it contradicts the situation. You'll be surprised how good a companion your grumpy neighbor or rude cashier at the supermarket can be.
A more difficult task is to clarify facial expressions. Make it more expressive. Remember that you can communicate your pose both verbally and non-verbally.
As a suggestion, warm up your face before every meeting. Practice constantly to keep your facial expression clear.
When is openness appropriate and when is it not?
It is worth remembering that not all types of openness are acceptable. Excessive openness in sensitive matters can be considered frivolous and vulgar. Even if such a person shares something completely positive, his lack of thought may be detrimental to him and he may be hailed as a thoughtless simpleton.
If a person is mentally healthy, moderate spiritual openness will be the norm for him. It is this feature that is the most important basis for building long-term friendships. However, you should understand that indifferent trust in everyone around you is pure stupidity and a manifestation of myopia. These days, people who come into contact with us are not always friendly and do not always have positive intentions. This is why it is so important to keep a sober mind and not trust anyone. Otherwise, you can get into a lot of trouble, which will become an important life lesson. Therefore, qualities such as the ability to understand people and the ability to maintain internal security should not be underestimated.
How to become sociable
In order to become a sociable person, it is not enough to simply look a person in the eye and try not to cross your arms over your chest (a sign of distrust of your interlocutor) while talking with him.
For communication to be truly successful, you must be interested in the process of interaction with a person, his stories, experiences and experiences. Even if he tells you something insignificant, try to always benefit from the conversation with him, then communication will become an exciting and enjoyable process for you.
Let communication become for you something like a practice that you need to master, like... yoga.
Method No. 2. Transform negative psychological attitudes
To overcome social anxiety, a change in established beliefs will be required, and there will be a need to step over oneself. This all requires inner strength and confidence in the goal. Social anxiety has several components that support it. If you realize and transform them, then fear will disappear. Most of all, of course, this matter requires patience. After all, it is unlikely that you will be able to achieve the desired effect on the first try.
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To get rid of the influence of thoughts on your mood, you need to question them, and not perceive them as facts. To do this, it makes sense to determine which specific thought causes anxiety and avoid it. Having identified negative ideas, you need to abstract from them and question them, since they are not always reliable.
