- October 21, 2018
- Psychology of Personality
- Lyudmila Antonova
Understanding your own feelings is quite a difficult task. Those who understand themselves and live in harmony with their inner world are usually happy and successful. But unfortunately, more and more often we hear the question of how to understand yourself and your feelings for a certain person.
The main thing is to understand yourself
Before you try to understand how you feel about a person, you need to understand yourself very well. Understanding your emotions and feelings is a very difficult task. For yourself, you are the most important person, and your attitude towards others depends on how you feel and experience. If you do not feel peace and love for yourself, then you cannot talk about loving another person. It will take some time to figure out how to understand yourself. The main thing is that you need to listen carefully to your inner experiences.
Choice between two men
A difficult choice faces those who find themselves between two men. It is often very difficult to understand feelings. Then you need to rely on your dreams. Who would you like to go to the registry office with? Who do you imagine holding your baby in your arms? Who would you like to have tea with in the kitchen when you are old? Let your fantasies guide you, and you will see how your imagination itself will draw the necessary pictures.
You can always understand yourself and sort out your feelings; it’s just important not to brush aside your feelings and learn to listen to yourself more often. Then there will be much more harmony and happiness in your life. Allow yourself to dream, love and open up - away with all suffering!
Introspection
It helps to find the answer to the question of how to understand your emotions and feelings by analyzing your inner world. To do this, you need to look inside yourself and look for answers to the questions that interest you. You should understand what place you occupy in this life, whether you are satisfied with the current situation, and what you would like to change. This should be a serious conversation with your own self. You should answer questions honestly and sincerely, because if you deceive, you will only make things worse for yourself.
Only after fully understanding your own feelings can you try to understand how you feel about another person.
They love not for something, but in spite of everything
Attachment always follows the path of jealousy. You hesitate because of the fear of losing your boyfriend, you become more nervous and start to go crazy because of your own and groundless mistrust of him. If this happens, then you no longer love him. Love is built on complete trust and confidence in the fidelity of your partner.
One of the ways to understand whether it is love or not is intimacy. If your desire to lie down with your partner comes to you less and less often, this is a reason to think about it. Otherwise, sex only becomes more sensitive, more varied, you become more and more hungry for each other in the desire to feel your partner.
During the time of sincere feelings of love, you do not think about how you could live with another partner. You won't even have a thought. You are completely absorbed in what is happening to you and your current loved one. You can openly communicate with your significant other on any topic without fear of condemnation or misunderstanding on his part. This is true love!
It is important to understand that attachment is not always a bad thing. This is an integral part of our life, which can develop into a wonderful feeling. But also don’t get hung up on it if this doesn’t happen. Sooner or later you will have to understand this when you meet sincere love, and at that moment parting will bring enormous mental pain...
Why is there a need to understand your own feelings?
Very often, young people confuse their emotions and feelings for a person, perceiving them completely differently from what they really are. This can lead to false love. Sometimes such unnecessary relationships end quite painlessly. After a few months, both realize that they are not suitable for each other.
There are also situations when awareness comes to us after several years of marriage, when we already have children together. In this case the situation is much worse. In order to avoid such unpleasant moments in your life, you need to understand as early as possible how you feel towards the other person.
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How to understand your feelings for a person?
There are moments in each of our lives when our hearts are filled with emotions. Sometimes it can be very difficult to understand what it is: love, affection, sympathy, attraction? Only your heart can answer the question of how to understand what you feel for a person. Very often we take the choice of a partner lightly, based only on the bright, strong emotions that gripped us during the first time of communication. In such an important matter, you cannot make rash decisions; you need a clear understanding of how you feel. Specially designed psychological tests can help with this. Their goal is to find an answer to the question of how to understand their feelings for a person.
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Test for recognizing feelings towards a person
The first question to answer is: “What attracts you to your significant other?” If your answer is good looks, a beautiful figure, pumped up muscles, then all this is just a passing hobby, and continuing the relationship in this case is not recommended in order to protect yourself from unnecessary frustrations and disappointments in the future. If, when answering this question, you immediately thought about the personality, character, and inner world of a person, then in this case we can say that you are serious and your relationships are of great importance to you. Only if the spiritual world of your partner is important to you can you talk about love.
The second point that will help you find the answer to the question of how to understand your feelings for your partner is aimed at remembering how your relationship began.
There may be several options. First: you met, a spark flew, and you instantly realized that you were in love. The second case was when the feeling of love came gradually as your relationship developed. As a rule, the first situation indicates that the feelings will go away as quickly as they appeared. In order to understand your feelings for a person, you need a certain time, at least to get to know him as a person.
Next, to answer the question of how to understand your feelings for a person, you should look at your attitude towards others. When you are passionate about something, the world around you seems to cease to exist. If, answering this test item on how to understand your feelings for a person, you can say that you cannot think about anything else but him, then you are in a state of love and infatuation. Love is a more serious feeling. It assumes that the person you have chosen is undoubtedly your first priority, but you do not forget that there are other things and other people in life.
And finally, the fourth question of the test is how to understand your feelings for a person. You need to think about your expected future with this person. If in a relationship you are looking for some benefit for yourself, thinking about how it will be more convenient and comfortable for you, then the feelings that you are experiencing at a given moment in time are not love. True love must be selfless and sincere. If you love, you should not want anything in return from a person.
Having received answers to all 4 questions of this small test, you will be able to understand your real feelings for a person and draw certain conclusions.
What is love?
Is it possible to tell in words what “love” or “happiness” is? One will say that this is a chemical reaction of the body, another – a sublime feeling, the third will completely find it difficult to answer, they say, when you fall in love, you will understand!
But it's really difficult to understand. Today, at the sight of your loved one, everything in your soul blossoms, your heart is pounding with joy, and butterflies are fluttering in your stomach. And tomorrow you begin to wonder, is this the person I need? Will I be able to live with him all my life?
So it turns out that at first we are exclusively under the influence of feelings, and then, after a few weeks or months, the voice of reason turns on.
Love means something different for each person, because everyone loves in their own way, depending on their character and emotionality. Some are restrained in their feelings, while others are ready to shout about them to the whole world.
In any case, by love, every person understands something good, unusual, joyful. You meet a person with whom you feel warm and calm, someone you can trust, with whom you want to share your joys and sorrows.
This person in a short time becomes the closest, as if this is a part of you, your soulmate.
Questions to help you understand how you feel about a person
First question. You introduced your loved one to your family and friends, but after the meeting they criticized him and said that he is not suitable for you. Will you listen to their opinion?
- Of course, I’ll listen, because when you’re in love, you notice only the good in a person, and close people will help me look at the person differently.
- Of course, I listen, because if they didn’t like him, it means there’s probably something wrong with him.
- I introduce my loved one to my family not in order to listen to their opinion; I have already made my choice and am confident in it.
Second question. If you've been in a relationship for several years, does it matter what you look like?
- Of course, because my partner should only notice me.
- Appearance is not the most important thing, because in our relationships we value completely different things.
- I don’t take care of my appearance, since we’ve been together for quite a long time and he’s not going anywhere.
Third question. How do you feel about your partner's shortcomings?
- In a relationship, you need to be patient with each other, and you need to turn a blind eye to little things, because everyone has shortcomings.
- I'm terribly annoyed by my partner's shortcomings, but I try not to lose my temper.
- We constantly quarrel loudly because we cannot accept each other's shortcomings.
Fourth question. Who do you call to complain about an unpleasant situation at work?
- Of course, I tell my partner everything, and he supports me.
- I’ll call a friend, I don’t want to burden my partner with such trifles.
- No one, I'll keep my experiences to myself.
Fifth question. Your partner has been offered a job that requires business travel, how do you feel about it?
- It all depends on the conditions, if this allows him to save a good amount for our budget in a year, then I will not mind.
- Of course, I’ll let him go, because this is a very interesting opportunity to see the world, I’ll be happy for him.
- It is important for me that my partner is always next to me, so I am against such work.
Love or friendship - how to determine?
In fact, a strong and good friendship always develops between lovers.
There is no better friend than a loved one, with whom you can trust and confide, with whom you can do everything together, with whom it is easy, warm and comfortable. Friendship is a new level of love, when hormones calm down, and euphoria is replaced by mutual assistance, a conscious readiness to throw yourself into fire and water after your loved one, the desire to share everything between two.
Psychologists say that if lovers become faithful and reliable friends, then together they can move mountains, they can survive all the hardships, they can share happiness and misfortune in half.
But what if a guy and a girl are just friends? Is it possible to confuse friendship with love? Of course not. Yes, these people are very close mentally, but there is no physical attraction between them. And at the same time, each of them has some secrets that are difficult to entrust to a stranger.
Test results
Summing up the results of the test, we can conclude that if the maximum number of answers to the questions were the first, this means that you have real, sincere feelings for your partner, and do not regret your choice for a second.
If most of the answers are the latter, then you need to work on your relationships and better understand your feelings. If the majority of the answers are #3, then you should reconsider whether you really want this person to be around. You may be wasting your time and his.