Unhealthy relationships: Pixabay Unhealthy relationships are life on a powder keg, which consists of endless conflicts and reconciliations, manipulations and resentments. Psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky claims that people get neither joy nor pleasure from them. Toxic relationships have a number of signs that need to be recognized in time to break this vicious circle.
Trying to change another person
When entering into a new relationship, people most often see only the good in their loved one. But some time passes, and the rose-colored glasses have to be taken off. Real habits, goals and desires come to light that irritate you.
Instead of thanking each other for the experience, the stronger partner tries to remake the weaker one taking into account their own ideas about the ideal. This is unacceptable behavior.
Megan Alden, author of an article on toxic relationships, says that a number of mental health professionals recognize them as a type of mental disorder.
Indeed, when we meet an adult who has already achieved something in life, we try to make him comfortable for ourselves. At the same time, we are not at all interested in how he himself feels about it. As a result, the relationship becomes:
- Into the fight if the partner turns out to be equal in strength of character.
- In relationships like teacher-student or victim-executioner, if one of the partners is much weaker.
What to do in such a situation? World relationship psychology recommends changing yourself. A partner interested in preserving and developing the union will follow your example. If the goals do not coincide, the relationship will inevitably fail.
Survivor's guilt
If our parents and relatives were not happy in love, then unconsciously we can prohibit ourselves from doing so. Because we are afraid to feel guilty in front of them, that they suffer and we do not.
This type of guilt is called “survivor’s guilt.” And often we are not aware of such guilt. But at the same time, we can do our best to destroy our relationships and build them in unhealthy ways. To prevent the situation that we are happier in love than our parents.
This may sound absurd, but such guilt, or the fear of experiencing it, can have a strong impact on us. And prevent us from getting out of painful relationships and building happy ones.
“Survivor's guilt” is one of the common reasons why unhealthy relationships between a man and a woman are repeated from generation to generation.
Desire to control each other
Jealousy and resentment poison life: Pixabay
Trust is the basis of healthy relationships between people. If it is not there, the relationship will show the following signs of an unhealthy relationship:
- fear, resentment and jealousy;
- attempts to control every step of the partner;
- increased demands for attention and care;
- constant dissatisfaction and complaints.
The famous psychiatrist, psychotherapist and author of more than 30 books on practical psychology, Mikhail Litvak, said that such behavior is typical of a neurotic. Attempts to control and isolate a partner from other people are a violation of personal boundaries, which causes irritation and even aggression.
Jealousy is often unfounded, and resentment is absolutely childish behavior that is unacceptable in a relationship between two adults. When you feel a pang of jealousy, calmly discuss the situation and draw conclusions, rather than hush it up and don’t turn into a bloodhound looking for evidence of infidelity.
This pattern of behavior can be established in early childhood and adopted from parents. For relationships between two adults, it is toxic and destructive.
Inability to reach an agreement with a partner
Sometimes it is impossible to come to an agreement with a person because he avoids frank conversations and waits for his partner to guess about his desires, emotions and feelings.
Practicing psychologist, creator of self-development marathons and popular blogger Anna Iotko argues that an attempt to distance oneself from a partner without explanation is a manifestation of toxic behavior. She identifies 15 phrases common to typical manipulators in relationships.
In a healthy relationship, two people are interested in each other:
- Ready to talk openly about feelings and experiences.
- They do not try to put pressure on their partner with silence.
- All issues are resolved calmly and openly.
If one partner expects the other to guess the reason for his silence, then this is a very bad relationship. You cannot move from open behavior to hints; no one is obliged to solve the riddles living in our heads.
There is no need to increase your worth by trying to remain silent; it is important to declare your emotions. A woman needs to simply and clearly explain to a man that she misses attention, flowers, intimate conversations over a cup of coffee, walks holding hands and other romantic things.
A man should not think that by remaining silent, he is behaving like a man. Saying that he needs support, acceptance and sympathy is not weakness, but strength and maturity of the individual.
Unable to agree: Pixabay
The culprit of all troubles3
If your partner is aggressive, run. When you hear accusations against you, analyze the adequacy of the claim. Blames you for all imaginable and unimaginable sins - do not give him the opportunity to instill in you a feeling of guilt.
Most often, the stronger half of humanity suffers from this toxic quality. It is quite difficult for them to admit even to themselves that the matter ended in failure only through his fault.
Men who cannot realize themselves in the profession for a very long time blame their wife for this. Like, if it weren’t for you and our seven children, I would now be performing at Eurovision instead of Sergei Lazarev. And so you had to become a plumber to feed your hungry tribe.
If conversations can be ignored, then assault cannot be ignored. A man hits - don’t even think about forgiveness. Domestic violence is like a drug. He tries, feels his own impunity and is drawn into the process.
Regardless of gender, realize the simple truth - you cannot become the culprit of a huge number of human failures. All this is empty chatter and meaningless excuses for one’s own laziness, incompetence and irresponsibility.
Unhealthy Relationships: Transfer of Responsibility
A happy relationship is a lot of work, in which there is also room for constructive conflicts. It is important to remember that in any conflict there are at least two parties involved, and both people bear responsibility for it. Attempts to evade responsibility or shift the blame onto the shoulders of a partner are infantile behavior that is unacceptable in a relationship between two adults.
You shouldn't take on someone else's guilt. If after communicating with a person you are left with a feeling of total guilt, then most likely your partner is manipulating, violating your personal boundaries.
Arguing for the sake of arguing leads nowhere. It is impossible to create a happy family with a person who considers himself always and in everything right.
How to stop being codependent?
Codependency is usually a family disease. Therefore, both the addict and the victim must undergo treatment. It is better when treatment is carried out in parallel. To get rid of codependency, various psychotherapeutic techniques are used:
- group and personal sessions with a psychologist;
- educational lectures;
- learning ways to deal with stress;
- reading books and watching videos with successful healing stories;
- conversations with those who have recovered to share experiences;
- keeping diaries and filling out questionnaires;
- lifestyle changes;
- behavior correction.
Treatment should be carried out in a hospital setting. Only in this way can the codependent be fully controlled and, if necessary, therapy can be adjusted in a timely manner.
Codependents in hospital do not have the time or opportunity to continue toxic relationships. This is an important condition for successful rehabilitation. A person literally learns to live in a new way, without the main irritant - the object of addiction.
In addition to psychotherapy, codependency can be easily treated with physical therapy. The patient needs to change their lifestyle, adjust their sleep and wakefulness patterns, and switch to a healthy diet. You should also exercise, walk more in the fresh air and increase your activity.
The Resident-ReNa rehabilitation center has everything you need for a comfortable stay and full treatment of various types of addiction. Professionals with extensive experience who love and value their patients work here. An individual recovery program is selected for each person, depending on the indications, needs and severity of the pathological condition.
Blackmail and threats
In some couples, relationships are built on passion, constant conflicts, showdowns and threats. People arrange emotional “swings” for each other, in which they feel either unbridled joy and pleasure, or all-consuming melancholy and pain.
Mikhail Labkovsky believes that good sexual compatibility in such a couple is an illusion. The relationship between two neurotics seems frightening from the outside, but for them they themselves turn into the meaning of life.
It is important to remember that if partners continually threaten each other with corporal punishment, a complete break in the relationship, or suicide, then this is a pathological, destructive relationship. It is impossible to create a harmonious union built on fear.
Scientists have proven that this is not love, but an adrenaline addiction that occurs due to constant jumps in the level of hormones in the blood, like on a roller coaster. Such extreme connections will never give you happiness and confidence in the future.
Blackmail and threats: Pixabay
Living by habit
Once upon a time, these two, for some reason, decided to live together, but since then a lot has changed, and now there is no love or spiritual intimacy between them. Relationships have long been a routine, but partners either don’t understand this, or, more likely, don’t want to understand and leave, albeit from the stuffy but familiar comfort zone. Spouses simply live according to a well-established scenario: they go to cafes and shops together, go on vacation, have sex (although in this context I would like to use the term marital duty), but there is no clear meaning as to why they do this. It seems like a family, and that’s how it’s supposed to be and everyone lives that way: it’s with these thoughts that partners soothe their pain out of habit.
Health problems
If, when entering into a relationship, a person was happy, healthy and full of hope, and over time began to experience health problems, then this is worth seriously thinking about. Sick relationships not only drain all your strength, but can also seriously undermine your health. The result of such interaction can be:
- Exacerbation of chronic diseases.
- Psychological and mental problems.
- A whole “bouquet” of diseases of internal organs.
- Skin diseases.
- Diseases of the genital organs, and even infertility.
- Development of benign and malignant neoplasms.
To the surprise of medical professionals, positive changes in relationships between partners or parting with a toxic person lead to a significant improvement in well-being, even to complete recovery.
Destructive relationships and envy of others' successes
In happy couples, people not only allow each other to develop by providing support to their partner, but also sincerely rejoice at the successes of others. In the unhappy, everything happens exactly the opposite. One partner may tell the other that he is not worthy of the benefits that have fallen on his head.
Criticism can be directed at:
- appearance, gait, general style and image;
- career achievements and creative victories;
- future plans.
A destructive partner can show aggression and say to your face: “You won’t succeed.” To any attempts to understand or object, he will note that this is his personal opinion, he has the right to express it.
In fact, it speaks of banal envy. It is much easier not to grow, but to bring your partner down to your level. Criticism instills doubt in any person, even the most self-confident. It is important to listen to yourself, move towards your goal, despite the murmurs of envious people. It is better to distance yourself from an envious and biased partner.
Presence of addiction
If one of the participants in the relationship has some kind of addiction, then absolutely everything will be tied to this problem. Whether it is a craving for alcohol or, for example, gambling addiction, it is not so important; there are enough complications in both cases. The main thing is that the rejection of one of the partners hinders the development of the entire couple. And here, unlike the previous case, men are more often at risk. This vice, like a tree falling in the middle of the road, does not allow you to move forward. How often do we hear reasoning in the spirit of “oh, if he didn’t drink... and then we would...”. Of course, the situation becomes more complicated when a person does not see a problem in his addiction, but even if he is ready to fight, the disease will not go away in one day. Breakdowns are inevitable. Therefore, something like this happens: the whole family saved up for a vacation, but he drank it all away in one night or lost it.
