According to statistics, 95% of cheaters prefer not to leave their family for their mistress, because they perfectly understand their benefit. On the one hand, there is a loving and caring wife who will feed and wash, and on the other, a passionate and attractive lover, next to whom a man feels like a hunter. But some representatives of the stronger sex still decide to leave their wife for another woman. The reasons why husbands leave for their mistresses are very multifaceted, but we will look at them all.
Why do men leave their families?
There are many reasons why a person might cheat, but when it is a serious affair outside of marriage, it comes down to two main reasons:
He fell in love with another woman
Love is a complex and strong feeling. It can make a person do things they might not otherwise do—things they didn't think they were capable of.
This is not an excuse for what your husband did, just an explanation.
Remember how you felt when you first fell in love with each other. It was intoxicating, wasn't it?
Well, even if you still love him and he still loves you, that intense fire may now feel more like a candle. It still burns, but not with the same brightness and heat.
So if your husband meets someone and falls in love with him too, your love must compete with his love.
But their love is newer and in some ways more alluring. Less and less time passes for the daily routine to have its inevitable consequences.
Your husband may convince himself that this new love for his mistress is more real than the love he feels for you.
So, if he feels he has to make a choice between the love you have for each other and the love he has for another woman, he may choose the other woman.
You can check a girl/boyfriend's loyalty and find out the secrets of your significant other on social networks in the lovereport.ru
He stopped loving you
The second main reason why your husband left his family for another is that he no longer loves you.
It can be really hard to realize, especially if you still love him, but the feeling of love doesn't always last forever.
Perhaps this love simply faded away, or perhaps it fell apart as a result of some massive release or event at some point in the past. In any case, he is no longer there.
Again, this is not an excuse for your husband to cheat. But if he had a chance at new love and had less reason to prioritize anything in your relationship, that might explain why he chose another woman.
Escape from the relationship model4
Living with a mistress is not always a good decision. New happiness ends very quickly when everyday reality begins. Some men wake up from sleep after a year or two. They claim that they are in another marriage and are starting to miss their previous wife and family. Often, unfortunately, it is too late to save the old relationship.
A man is running away not from a woman, but from a relationship model that he cannot change. It is not the woman, but the relationship that becomes a prison for a man. He is enslaved by his internal blockages and limitations. He feels depressed, used, enslaved, criticized, underappreciated.
Emancipated women and free men are an example of modern culture. You can hear it everywhere - let's not limit ourselves, let's enjoy life. Relationship difficulties increasingly affect those who live with intense internal conflict.
On the one hand, life is full of images of the freedom that people should enjoy, so many opportunities, so many adventures around. On the other hand, being with someone for a long time has also become fashionable. However, this is not easy, so when men destroy relationships and leave, they blame their partner for everything. This is a rationalization so as not to feel bad, not to feel guilty.
How long will this last?
Are you still clinging to hope of repairing your marriage or just want to know how long his new relationship will last.
The problem is that you can't look into some crystal ball and see what the future holds.
You may be thinking that his new relationship is doomed to fail because he left you for a younger woman who isn't really interested in anything long term.
Or maybe you think he's going through a midlife crisis and this relationship is just a symptom of that. You think he might come to his senses when the crisis is over.
But this is just speculation.
As painful as it may be, you are an outsider in this relationship. You can't feel what he feels and you don't know what they are like together as a couple.
Some men can leave their wives for a new woman and find themselves happier than ever before.
Other men may soon realize that the grass is not always greener and that he and his wife are fine.
No one can say for sure, not even your husband.
Different views on life
When starting a relationship, a husband and wife in love see a lot in common with each other. But over time, they may discover that both have changed, and in different directions. And there are no longer any common interests. You get the feeling that a complete stranger to you lives next to you, with incomprehensible interests and beliefs. This happens especially often with couples whose relationship began in their youth.
And when a man meets a woman with whom he is ready to talk about everything, he suddenly realizes that his previous relationship is weighing him down. And he leaves.
He will return?
If your husband left the family for his mistress and his new relationship really falls apart and collapses, you may want to get him back.
But will he want to save your marriage?
This may be due to his reason for leaving you in the first place. If he just fell in love with this other woman, but also loved you, then there's a better chance he'll come back.
If he's fallen out of love with you, he'll likely have to believe that he can love you again if he wants to get back.
Of course, there is another possibility. He may not have much love for you, but still wants to be with you for other reasons.
He may want you to look after him, cook his food, take care of the house.
Perhaps he sees the financial cost of divorce and doesn't want to go down that route right now, given that his new relationship hasn't worked out.
He may simply not want to be alone, even if your marriage is not working out the way you would like.
Of course, if he wants you back at any point, you have the freedom to either allow him back into your life or refuse.
In what cases do married men leave their mistresses?
Mistresses are not abandoned if they fulfill the functions assigned to them. But if a woman in the role of a mistress begins to take over the functions of a wife, that is, she makes trouble, sorts things out, refuses sex, then she receives the status of a former mistress, and the man finds a more interesting option for himself.
Men abandon mistresses who create scandals and scenes of jealousy
Will he regret this?
Like love, regret is a complex emotion.
Your husband may well regret his decision to leave you, and this may be true even if he does not want to return to you.
He may realize that your marriage to him was better if his new relationship isn't what he hoped for.
But he may think that now that this has happened, it is too late to save your marriage.
He may have regrets even if he is happy with his decision. He may have moved in with his mistress and is enjoying his new life with her, but still has concerns about the situation.
He may regret it when he copes with the separation. He may regret the pain he caused you. If you have children, he may regret leaving the family without a father.
If he once loved you—if he still loves you as a person and not as a spouse—he's bound to feel some regret.
But regret itself may not be enough to get him to come back to you.
Can a married man love both his wife and his mistress: signs
Men and women have different meanings for the word “love”. So for a woman, love can be synonymous with fidelity, devotion, a feeling of inspiration and the desire to take care of a man. And for a man, “love” can mean a willingness to have sex with a woman. Can a man be willing to have sex with more than one woman? It definitely can and even strives for this. This does not mean that every man should be suspected of adultery, with or without reason. The presumption of innocence or failure to prove a crime applies not only to hardened criminals, but also to husbands.
A sexually active man has enough love for two or more women
How can I get my husband back?
From the very beginning, it is important to remember that you do not own your husband and never have owned him.
You may think you lost your husband to this other woman, but it was his choice to leave you.
So when you think about "getting him back", you should also remember that it will be his choice to come back.
With this in mind, what can you do?
Respect his decision to leave you
It sounds counterintuitive, but if you make his life a nightmare after he left you for this other woman, you'll only push him further away.
It's okay to tell him you love him, but make it clear that you won't argue with him about it if that's what he really wants.
Either way, you can't change his mind.
This helps maintain a good relationship between you, which is very important if he ever returns.
Do not under any circumstances try to force him back into your marriage by telling him how much he hurt you or bringing children into the equation.
Stay true to yourself
Your husband's decision to leave you may have had something to do with the way the two of you communicated.
Perhaps you quarreled, many people disagree because of this. And while you are partly responsible for the state of your marriage, you are not the whole story.
Therefore, making big promises about how you can change is not the best way to get your husband back.
Of course, you can look at your contributions to the breakdown of your marriage and work on some of your shortcomings, if you truly believe that they are shortcomings and not just aspects of your personality that your husband is struggling with.
But if you insist that you can be the woman he wants you to be with, you not only seem desperate, but you're also setting yourself up for future problems when you realize you can't live up to all his expectations.
You also need to understand that if you say you can change to accommodate his wishes, you are shifting much of the blame for the separation onto you and taking the responsibility away from him.
This does two things. First, it confirms in his mind that you are no longer the right woman for him because you are telling him that you are the one who needs to change, not him.
Second, it makes him feel less bad about leaving you, which makes it less likely that he'll be forced back even if his new relationship doesn't work out.
So, yes, ask yourself if there are any healthy self-improvement techniques you could use, but don't compromise who you are just to please him.
Keep some distance, but remain pleasant with him
It is important to give your husband freedom if he has left you and is now in a relationship with another woman.
If you try to stop them by confronting him or her, you risk giving them something else to bind them to - their complaints about you.
Instead, try to remain somewhat friendly whenever you are forced to communicate—perhaps due to shared custody of children or for other practical purposes.
Sometimes a little distance can make him realize what he had and what he is now at risk of losing, especially when the excitement of his new relationship wears off.
He may discover that what he thought was love for this other woman was actually passion or lust, and that after a while it disappears.
Knowing that you don't hate him leaves the door open for him to come back to you.
Ask yourself if you really want him back
Beyond what you can do to get your husband to reaffirm his commitment to you, it's important that you really consider whether you want him back.
And if so, for what reasons?
If his new relationship started before he told you he wanted to break up, you need to face the fact that he lied to you and hid important things from you.
Is this something you can forgive?
And you want him back just because you liked the way your life was before? If so, do you really think things can go back to the way they were before?
Do you just hate the thought of divorce and loneliness? Could you take it back so you can have some company you're familiar with?
Would you want him back if neither of you still loved each other and you knew it would take a lot of work and time to get that love back?
This is something you need to think about before trying to get your husband back.
How can I cope with the fact that my husband left my family for another?
If you are not going to allow your husband back into your life and marriage, the problem comes down to dealing with the emotional turmoil caused by his leaving you.
How can you accept what happened and move forward with your life? What to do in a situation when the husband left the family and how to behave further?
Here are some tips on how to deal with the situation in your head.
Avoid guilt and don't take blame
No matter how much you think there are aspects of your personality that you would like to work on, don't blame yourself for your husband's decision to leave you for another woman.
He acted based on his own views, feelings and desires.
You may have tried your best to be a good wife, but it still might not be enough.
Remember the reasons why he might leave you mentioned earlier in the article. He may have fallen out of love with you or fallen in love with someone else.
These are his feelings, not yours.
You have nothing to feel guilty about, even if you have children and you know this situation is causing them pain and anxiety.
You can check a girl/boyfriend's loyalty and find out the secrets of your significant other on social networks in the lovereport.ru
Don't compare yourself to the new woman in his life
It can be tempting to look at another woman and think that she is somehow better than you.
After all, your husband left you for her, so she must have something you don't have, right?
This is wrong. Everyone has their own advantages and disadvantages. They are part of who we are.
Trying to figure out why your husband now prefers a mixture of good and bad moments over yours is an exercise in futility.
Instead, you should focus on improving your self-esteem, which will undoubtedly suffer from all of this.
One of the key things to focus on is improving your self-talk, especially regarding your marriage and your value as a wife.
Don't think or say that you were a bad wife or that you can't be loved
Switch to more positive thoughts about yourself and that you are worthy of love and respect. That you have the qualities to be a great partner for someone new whenever that person comes into your life.
You should also find ways to accept the control you have over your life, rather than allowing yourself to sink into some kind of depressed state.
It's time to ask how your newfound freedom can allow you to do what you've always wanted to do or change the direction of your life entirely.
It gives you the opportunity to realize the control you have—that you've always had—and can make this difficult situation more positive.
Focus on forgiving your husband, but do it for yourself
When your husband left you for another woman, it must have been very painful.
So forgiveness may be the last thing on your mind.
But forgiveness is not for him, it is for you .
Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to forget what he did or say it's okay. This doesn't ignore the pain he caused and doesn't mean you have to fix your relationship with him.
Forgiveness is letting go of the emotional burden he caused you.
It's about saying, "This won't affect me anymore."
It's about closing a chapter on your past and starting a new one that you can be the author of.
Forgiveness is something everyone can work on.
Accept the reality of the situation
If you have decided that your marriage is over and you will not get your husband back, even if he grovels, you will have to come to terms with this truth.
You can't leave a marriage if you're still clinging to any hope—no matter how tenuous—that you can ever get it back together.
You can go through the stages of grief just as you would if you lost a loved one.
This is fine. Your marriage represents something important to you, and your husband is someone you love or once loved.
These are big things that can suddenly disappear from your life, so it will take some time to come to terms with them.
If this helps make things more final, you can file for divorce and proceed with that formality.
This is an empowering act of acceptance because you are taking responsibility for the situation to prevent it from dragging on.
- Make sure you remove all of his things from your home - first by allowing him to take what he still wants to keep, and then throwing out the rest or donating to charity.
- If you have children, be sure to sit down with them and discuss how their mom and dad have no chance of meeting again.
Having to say those words out loud can make them feel more real and final.
