Even the strongest and happiest couples are not immune from periods when the relationship begins to boil down to the indifferent routine phrase “How was your day?”, and instead of spending time together, the couple each goes into their own corner.
Often on forums dedicated to family relationships you can often read messages on the topic “the guy is bored with me, please advise what can be done.” The current situation does not mean that the couple should necessarily separate and try to find a happy family life somewhere else.
Before you give up on an existing relationship, you should try to understand why this happened and try to make the relationship brighter.
Signs that a guy is bored in a relationship
The first signs that a guy is bored with me are usually not immediately noticeable. After all, it is very difficult to admit that not everything is so smooth in a relationship and take off the so-called rose-colored glasses. Nevertheless, it is worth taking a closer look at how the guy behaves in his relationship with the girl.
- The initiator of the relationship is the girl. It doesn’t matter at all who took the very first step to create a relationship. The conversation is about a situation when, after some time, the first love passes, and mutual attraction and common plans for the future should come in its place. If a man behaves according to the rule “I want something, but I don’t know what,” and a girl seeks a relationship and love for herself, this is the surest sign that the man is in a relationship out of duty or boredom
- There is no dating without sex. A guy refuses to spend time together if he knows for sure that the meeting will not end in sex. He will not go with a girl to a party or for a walk on a day off, after which everyone will go to their own house. But he will happily come to the young lady’s house - if she invites him to stay all night.
- A man in bed only cares about making him feel good. If a girl has a lot of sex in her life, but she doesn’t get pleasure from it, there is a high probability that she is in a relationship with a man who doesn’t care about her. It is very important for her to understand that the problem lies not in her, but in him. Namely, in relation to her companion. Yes, there are men who are inept lovers. But if a man loves, he will always be an attentive lover and try to make the woman feel really good with him.
- The man doesn't care about the woman at all. Of course, sexual problems can be attributed to differences in the temperaments of partners, inexperience, and even to female sexual complexes, but such a problem will not work with care. It is enough to find yourself in a difficult situation once to understand your partner’s true attitude.
- The girl caught a cold. Is the guy calling to see how she's feeling? Tired after work, will he come to her house to bring food and medicine? If yes, he really has feelings. If not, he’s just killing time with her.
Why are men bored with me?
“A beautiful and brave path has crossed” - remember the lines of the old song? Why is a man bored with me ? — the lyrical heroine might wonder. - After all, he loved him so much that he proposed, and suddenly - once! - and in a couple of days everything changed.
Many husbands are shocked when their wife leaves them “for no reason” after 20-30 years of a prosperous life together. The main reason is lack of attention in relationships . Hence female infidelities, leaving for another, and so on. And my husband sends curses - ungrateful, I worked all these years to support you.
In the words of Sharikov, “I don’t agree!.. with both.” Husbands are wrong in that in their hierarchy of values, they place their wife at the end of the list after work, friends, lovers, entertainment, hobbies, etc. Which does not cancel out feelings. Love does not equal interest, the formula is more complicated. What is the fault of women? In the last article on the topic of energy, there was the phrase “men and women have one thing in common - they both prefer the company of men.” This means only one thing - the company of a woman, communicating with her and spending time with her is not of particular interest to a man. When the period of love and passion ends, the wife turns from an object of admiration into a habit. Sex went from 3 times every day to 3 times a week (at best), and nothing else connects. I'll get better - nothing else of interest connects. Well, it’s not children, and life, after all, is a given, not entertainment. And the wife gradually flows into the concept of givenness.
What is the reason and what to do about it? It is precisely in a small amount of male energy in most women. Men prefer the company of their own kind because they are interesting. There is often nothing to talk about with my wife except the children’s studies, parents’ illness, a new TV series and manicure. Or else - where to go on vacation, how best to pay the mortgage, maybe discuss a movie... Even I’m already bored. I don’t blame women - it’s much harder for them to live and their life is such that they would rather free themselves as soon as possible, go to bed and not let anyone touch them. With housewives the story is different, but the result is the same - melancholy. Another thing to think about is whether a man has female friends. Usually we fall into wild jealousy (and not always without reason), but for some reason they appear or do not disappear with marriage. At the same time, they are not always lovers. So there are women with whom it is interesting to spend time?
Let's figure out what male energy is in a woman and vice versa - female energy in a man. To begin with, let me remind you of the ancient comparison of a man with the Sun, and a woman with the Moon. Without reading further, try to close your eyes, imagine these 2 luminaries and feel the difference between them. Energy, and not that the Sun is a star and the Moon is a satellite of the Earth. A colossal difference, isn't it? So much so that it is impossible to imagine them side by side, because one shines during the day, and the other at night and is barely noticeable in good weather during daylight hours. The family life of a couple looks approximately the same: the husband does one thing, the wife does something completely different and only peeks out from behind the man’s shoulder in the form of a pale daytime moon.
Energy is usually divided into masculine and feminine, but I would add girlish and youthful to them. Male energy is a complex of youthful energy, harmoniously complemented by female energy. And women's is a girl's, complemented by a man's. That is, immature energy is revealed with the help of more mature energy.
The immaturity of YOUTH ENERGY is as follows: inability to listen, categoricalness, aggressiveness, impatience, impulsiveness, the desire to live here and now, to live to the fullest, not to think about tomorrow, authoritarianism, control, lack of emotionality, problems communicating with women or the inability to build with them relationship.
The immaturity of GIRL ENERGY is expressed in: the inability and fear of expressing one’s thoughts, fear of the future, increased emotionality, closedness, shyness, passivity, the desire to shift responsibility to a man, dependence on a man, restlessness, anxiety, problems in communicating with men or the inability to build relationship with them.
Now let's look at mature energy drinks. When feminine energy is superimposed on youthful energy, turning it into mature MASCULINE, the former angular features are softened and transformed into: activity, movement, perseverance, confidence, desire for leadership, the ability to fight back, challenge, accept a fight, work to secure the future, strength , drive, passion, competition, wisdom, the ability to make a healthy compromise, the ability to accept defeat and start again, responsibility for one’s actions, the ability to analyze, control of instincts, destruction to build something new.
And, finally, what is meant by the concept of true FEMALE ENERGY, which attracts men so much. By superimposing male energy on female energy, the following appears: self-acceptance, calmness, confidence, love for oneself and others, care without fanaticism, adequate passivity, the ability to wait and live without suffering while waiting, enjoy the moment, love here and now, fill the inner space - when the world is interesting in all its manifestations, not to be afraid of the future, to be able to accept defeat, interest in life, self-discovery, the ability to give in where struggle is useless, self-respect, criticality to the opinions of others, the desire to go your own way, self-healing, creation.
Thus, in any man there will be a part of feminine energy, and in a woman there will be masculine energy. Everything else depends only on the quantity of both. It is difficult to establish an ideal ratio - but approximately a third of the energy of the opposite sex is enough for a harmonious life. If there are too few opposite qualities, the person will be invisible to the other sex. In a cheerful company, they are unlikely to pay attention to a timid girl, whose only interest is to get married as quickly as possible and have offspring. Although it will be appreciated by those men who have already had enough or are disappointed and want home comfort. The only question is whether they will be of interest to her. This does not mean at all that in the same noisy company you need to vigorously express emotions, pretend or behave unnaturally. Our thoughts and inner state are read much more powerfully than we think. Many men love wholesome, calm, self-confident introverted girls. Vanity, desire to please, talkativeness are not the best qualities.
What happens if the opposite energy, on the contrary, prevails. Let's look at the example of marriage.
If a MAN with predominant FEMALE ENERGY is married to a woman with the same energy, what awaits them is mutual passivity, transfer of responsibility, avoidance of conversations, a constant situation where both are inactive, expecting activity from the other. If he is married to a woman with masculine energy, then he will be a housewife husband, a businesswoman wife, which sooner or later will lead to the husband’s envy and jealousy of his wife’s successes, consolation in connection with an even more passive lover and the woman’s desire to find a stronger one for herself. partner.
If a WOMAN with predominant MALE ENERGY is married to a man with the same energy, this will lead to a constant struggle for leadership, scandals and conflicts in resolving any issues. Up to and including fights. Spouses will not be able to give anything to each other, because... there will be no energy exchange. The only chance to save the relationship is if the woman turns out to be weaker and her strong, powerful self will be pleased that next to her is not a wimp, but a “real man” who will fuck you so hard in bed that his ears smoke. But you can’t guess here - it can easily turn out that it’s the man who is weaker, and then the couple goes to inevitable collapse, because the wife becomes uninterested in such a husband.
Now let's return to the beginning of the article and the husband's loss of interest in his wife. And in general, men are disinterested in female society in most cases. To the logical question - why should a woman try again, I will answer - because a man has no problems until the very last moment, until his wife leaves or cheats. They have somewhere and with whom to go, and in general they are rarely bored in life if they are not forced to constantly sit at home. Everything that goes beyond the boundaries of housekeeping, children, concern for appearance, femininity, good manners and proper behavior is masculine energy. Striving forward, learning new things, the ability to keep up with the times, even thinking about the meaning of all things - this is the masculine principle.
Without male energy, a woman does not develop, stuck in mental virginity. And men never maintain a long-term interest in inexperienced women. They are fascinated only by the opportunity to be first, and then they want to get a sensual lover. How can you have a lot of sexual experience, but not open up, both to a woman and in the case of energy - you can get married and calm down, believing that the mission is completed. But marriage does not solve the problem - and often, on the contrary, slows down development. Then the man begins to like other women - who are okay with this. What to do? I do not agree with the opinion that a woman’s happiness lies only in the family. I know very few examples where, having only family as interests, a woman’s marriage would not end in tears. We are divided into men and women, but at the same time we are all people who have a lot in common. There are so many things we can do, regardless of gender. There is no need to go headlong into your feminine kingdom. A husband and children are not the final goal, but only a stage, an addition. The best way to develop and maintain energy balance is to constantly move forward. Just like a man, have goals, interests, hobbies, learn to take responsibility, be able to think, analyze, and lead an active lifestyle. Always discover something new in yourself. And the most important thing is to have the courage to confidently walk through life, no matter what. I wrote about this in detail in previous articles.
Doesn't support long-distance communication
When a man feels affection for his woman, he yearns for her during separation. His emotional state is easy to recognize by constant calls, messages, unexpected visits at the first opportunity.
If a guy went on a business trip or vacation and stopped communicating, then he obviously doesn’t get bored during the separation. The lack of need to communicate with a girl who is far away indicates that the partner is absolutely comfortable without his other half.
Sign 8: Obsessiveness in bed
Your meetings with him take place only under the condition of an indispensable ending in bed, and even in these minutes or hours he thinks only about his own pleasure, ignoring your feelings.
All this resembles a routine rather than the unity of two loving bodies. Not enough for you? You can wait until the eighth, tenth and hundredth sign appears. Therefore, it is better to dot all the i’s right away. If he continues to act sour, find another man who will appreciate you for who you are. We offer you a selection of books that will help you survive a painful relationship in which one partner does not value the other.
What to buy
- Sue Johnson - Hold me tight. 7 dialogues for love for life, from 944 rub. →
- Delis, Phillips: The Paradox of Passion - She loves him, but he doesn’t, from 956 rubles. →
- Susan Elliott: Disruption. How to get through a breakup and build a new happy life, from 881 rub. →
- Stan Tatkin: Made for love. How knowledge about the brain and attachment style will help you avoid conflicts, from RUB 883. →
But if you still value this relationship and don’t want to cut your teeth, perhaps your couple should visit a family psychologist.
Interested in other girls
The most alarming sign that the relationship has reached a dead end is the guy’s obvious interest in other representatives of the fairer sex. A young man constantly talks about his attractive colleagues, defiantly looks at all the girls passing by, and even in the presence of his partner cannot resist flirting with the person he likes.
Sometimes one of the partners becomes bored in the company of the other half. The presence of signs of cooling in a guy's behavior indicates that the relationship is under threat. To avoid separation, you need to try to diversify your communication and also work on yourself.
- Author: zazazelka
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Avoids eye contact
The main nonverbal sign of our interest in the interlocutor is maintaining eye contact with him during a conversation. With a glance, a person is able to express approval or dissatisfaction, surprise or sympathy. If a guy mostly looks somewhere to the side during communication, he is clearly not interested in his opponent.
Of course, this sign in itself is not an unambiguous confirmation of boredom. Some people generally do not like to make eye contact when communicating. But if the guy has not behaved this way before, then it’s still worth thinking about. The boredom he experiences becomes especially obvious if, during a conversation with his other half, the partner without hesitation looks at other girls nearby.
Not listening
If a young man is interested in communication, he tries during the conversation to at least roughly grasp the meaning of what the girl is saying. Of course, a rare guy is able to reproduce word-for-word the information he heard, but an attentive interlocutor will definitely understand the general thread of the conversation.
When a man is bored with his other half, he does not try to delve into what she says. Usually, during a conversation, the partner is immersed in his thoughts or “immersed” in the Internet. It is enough just to abruptly interrupt the story and ask a leading question to make sure that the guy is absolutely not listening.
Often irritated
A bored guy is always irritated. He may show a negative reaction in response to the words, actions, and emotions of his partner. Even a girl’s appearance or her facial expressions can cause rejection. This behavior can be explained simply - the young man realizes that he is not spending his time the way he would like. He can understand with his mind that the girl is not to blame for anything, but all the negativity will be directed at her in any case.
The situation gets even worse if the partner begins to show jealousy, demand explanations, and make trouble. This completely drives the guy crazy.
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How to understand that he is with you only because he is bored
It happens that you meet a person with whom you are ready to build a serious relationship.
You may even develop a liking for him, but these first feelings of falling in love may blind you to real things! It may turn out that the person does not reciprocate your feelings, but simply uses you because it is convenient for him... Sometimes you just fill space.
If you suspect that you might just be a “time filler” for the guy you're currently seeing, your intuition may be trying to tell you something.
These signs below will help you figure it out once and for all. Unfortunately, it's time to find out:
Sign 5: new image
He bought a sweater, polished his shoes, and shaved his stubble every day. And he didn’t ask for your opinion (shameless). It’s not a fact that a man has an interesting girlfriend, next to whom he has fun and relaxes his soul. But it’s infuriating - why is he dressed up like that, and not for you?
A change in image can also be a wake-up call
