What to do if the boss finds fault with me for any reason, mocks me - how to behave if a tyrant humiliates and spreads rot

Unfortunately, the reality turns out to be not as rosy as in dreams: many specialists, especially young and inexperienced ones, are faced with outright rudeness from the boss in the very first days of their work. Most often, strictness and exactingness turn into unreasonable nagging and quarrels.

Reasoned criticism is good, it helps you develop and work on mistakes. But what if the boss constantly finds fault for no reason? Let's look at the problem in more detail.

What's your boss like?

When analyzing the question “why does the boss find fault with me?”, it is better to start with an analysis of his character. This can come up with the right strategy.

Hysterical. Frequent outbursts of anger, dissatisfaction with subordinates. He is not endowed with high intelligence. I am ready to accuse anyone without admitting my guilt. He often appropriates the fruits of someone else's work and does not consider this shameful. It is difficult to establish a constructive dialogue with him, and his arguments and accusations are unjustified and not supported by facts.
Perfectionist. Management's desire to organize work at a high level deserves praise and approval. But sometimes it becomes extreme. Everyone makes mistakes. But not for the perfectionist. We are not talking about any kind of democracy. He keeps everything under control and scolds his subordinates for minor mistakes in their work. "Best the enemy of the good". Such a boss is used to keeping everything under control and refuses to delegate, even when necessary. Does not allow managers under his command to make independent decisions.
Petty tyrant. Inappropriate behavior is a consequence of more serious personal problems. Lack of self-confidence, the desire to prove importance and significance by belittling others, excessive confidence and selfishness. He finds fault with every reason, belittles his subordinates, is dissatisfied with the work performed, and does not miss the opportunity to extol himself. If the boss is a tyrant, it is absolutely not clear how to behave. You don't want to lose your job, but you can't stand it. You should not allow your dignity and honor to be humiliated. If the situation has gone too far, do not be afraid to contact the labor inspectorate or court.
Schemer. Dangerous and insidious guy. You can expect any trick from him. He craves power. All methods are good for him in achieving his goal. If he is guilty or has made a mistake, he will try by all means to “throw off” this unpleasant burden.

Guilty without guilt

Often in organizations or at an enterprise, a situation arises when the employer does not formally violate labor laws, but creates such conditions for an employee he does not like that he wants to leave on his own.

Regardless of education, experience and position, anyone can encounter such an unpleasant factor.

This could be personal hostility, or the boss wants to make room for some “thieve,” and therefore he does his best to force the employee out of the organization, finds fault with every little thing, starts a conflict out of nowhere, and every day of the subordinate turns into a nightmare.

Let's consider those situations when the option of “just leaving” a tyrant boss does not suit us. Of course, if an employee could painlessly change jobs, then no one would make a problem out of it at all. Naturally, each situation is unique, but I hope the advice will be useful to you in some way.

The real reason for the dissatisfaction

The average employee prefers not to enter into open conflict. This is what nagging bosses take advantage of. Many people quit without ever trying to correct the situation.

It is important

Assess the conflict from the outside. If there are unfounded accusations, open anger and other “delights” of unprofessional labor relations, it’s time to act.

Ask your boss for a confidential conversation. Finding out the reasons in a calm environment can solve a problematic situation.

You will need to prepare for this meeting. Make a rough plan for the conversation. Think about what your boss might ask or answer. Go into the conversation in a calm frame of mind. You should not have the goal of pointing out to the manager his incompetence or accusing him of personal vices. Find out the real reason for the dissatisfaction.

Start by describing the situation. There is no need for long, plaintive stories about difficult working days. A few striking facts or situations (that took place) will say much more. Here is an example of such a conversation.

- Good afternoon. I want to talk about the current situation. I have been working at company N for several years now. I see prospects for my own growth, and I really like working in a team where there is mutual help and understanding. But a certain misunderstanding has arisen in our working relationship. (List several facts that most clearly demonstrate this).

– What kind of misunderstanding are you talking about? You are disgusting at your work responsibilities...

Here it is necessary to interrupt and ask to explain what the boss means. Remember to remain calm and respectful. If you were wrong, don't be afraid to admit it. Shifting the blame to others and being in complete denial will only anger your boss even more.

As a result of the conversation, you should find out the reasons that prevent you from “living together” and propose solutions. This conversation is not easy, but it is necessary to have it.

If a compromise is not found, then you should seriously think about changing jobs. There is another option - contact higher management or special authorities. But this is unlikely to bring the long-awaited calm and relief of tension.

In other cases, the boss will seriously think about the following points:

you are not a helpless and cowardly employee, but a person capable of defending your interests;
he may lose a valuable employee due to the fact that he clearly “goes too far”;
his accusations were unfounded for a number of reasons that he did not know before (the information was presented incorrectly or did not exist at all).

Forewarned is forearmed!

Conflicts with superiors are easier to prevent than to deal with their consequences.

Achieve a balance of interests. Conflicts with management often arise due to misunderstandings. The boss does not try to explain his position and desires to his subordinates, and the employees tolerate and silently carry out the manager’s vague tasks. Result: dissatisfaction on both sides. Look for benefits for yourself and for your superiors. Find the optimal balance of interests.

Understand the boss. Take a closer look at the boss. By studying his habits, requirements, character traits, you will be able to avoid controversial situations and conflicts. Knowing the hidden reasons behind inappropriate behavior gives you a secret weapon in the fight against your boss's misconduct.
Establish dialogue. People open up in communication. Through dialogue, you can convey to a person not only verbal information, but also your internal state. Surely you have seen employees who are able to calm their father-boss in anger or influence the boss - a slob. It's all about the right approach to communication, and every boss has weaknesses.
Confidence from the first days. When you apply for a new job, show your confidence. Sadists and actors avoid confrontations with such people. Excessive confidence can unnerve a boss - a coward or a dictator. It's up to your leader how much you can raise the bar for your fearlessness.

You can find a balance in your relationship with any boss. Be more careful and don't be afraid of leadership.

Personal enmity - what is the reason?

What to do if your boss bullies and humiliates your honor and dignity? It doesn't matter what the reason for this behavior is. This is unacceptable. But do not go into open conflict, do everything delicately, observing the limits of decency.

Advice

If you start insulting, getting personal and blaming your boss, what will you say better than him?

The main reasons (and more often reasons) for nagging in the presence of personal hostility from superiors are the following situations.

Failure to comply with the dress code. The attention of the authorities is focused on you, do not be surprised by this situation. The boss's claims are often unfounded (unless you suddenly decide to surprise everyone with a chic neckline). Do not give a reason to reproach you for inconsistency. You can publicly measure the length of your skirt or read out the dress code rules. If this is an isolated incident, turn it into a joke and say that this will not happen again.
Lack of subordination. Learn to restrain yourself even in the most unpleasant situations. The boss deliberately challenges you to conflict. You must respond with dignity to all attacks directed at you. If you were reproached for insubordination, but this was not the case, reasoned and calmly explain the necessity and correctness of your chosen tactics.
Frequently arriving late and leaving early. Remember the clauses of the employment contract. You get paid for the hours you work. Don't allow yourself to be treated this way. Here the boss has every right to apply penalties or reprimand.
Scandalous gossip. They can come from anyone, but the bosses will sincerely believe in them. The boss has neither the time nor the desire to figure out their veracity on his own. So find a convenient time and explain that this is a lie. There are no guarantees that they will believe you, but you should definitely try. You shouldn’t wait for your boss to call you to such a conversation; work proactively.
Reluctance to help the organization. Quite an abstract accusation. Don't be afraid to get specific and find out what you're doing wrong. Remind them to perform their job duties responsibly. Often such claims come from perfectionists, therefore, adequacy tends to zero.

All about protection

Constant quarrels have a negative impact on the work of the entire staff: you must admit, it’s not very pleasant to work when everyone around you is frozen in anticipation of the next scandal. How to proceed:

The first thing to do is to isolate yourself from problems as much as possible . Solve problems gradually: when the boss starts arguing with you, then get involved.
Don't forget what responsibilities are stated in your agreement. Try to do what you need to do, and then your conscience will be clear. Don't complicate your life in hopes of pleasing the director. If your boss is always criticizing you for no reason, he won't stop.
Don't react too emotionally: this pleases the boss and some employees too. Think of nagging as an unpleasant fly - yes, it interferes, but it does not ruin your plans at all.

If your boss calls you into his office for a private conversation, act confident and calm. Don't yell, don't make a scandal.

Speak as usual and always use arguments when arguing with your boss. Never do this in public.

ATTENTION! There are times when being aggressive actually helps. It is enough to explain to the director once normally that you do not want to tolerate his arbitrariness, and the attitude changes before your eyes. The main thing is not to overdo it - you don’t want to get a reputation as a brawler.

An employee may, independently or with the help of a lawyer, defend his rights by any legal means, including:

apply to the TI;
file a claim in court.

Appeal to such bodies is justified if the interests of the employee are not taken into account or discrimination occurs on any basis.

Sexism in the workplace

How to behave if your boss finds fault with you and humiliates you just because you are a woman and he is a man? This phenomenon has a clear definition - sexism.

He may manifest himself in inappropriate jokes and remarks on the part of a male boss or a reluctance to promote you in your career and “bestow” you with well-deserved bonuses and privileges. It is possible to fight the phenomenon.

It is enough to collect facts and evidence (record it on a tape recorder) and write a report to higher management if it was not possible to reach an agreement at the local level.

In case of refusal of a well-deserved promotion, provide a comparative analysis of your merits and those who already occupy similar positions.

Another manifestation of sexism is overt sexual advances. It is necessary to stop them. State in a calm, laconic manner that you do not want such a relationship. That's not what you're here for. Remember your rights and don't let yourself be intimidated. If you cannot resolve the conflict peacefully, collect evidence and go to court with accusations of sexual harassment.

The boss is nagging about something that is irrelevant

Conflicts between employees and their immediate supervisor inevitably arise during busy work days. The reason for this is stress, workload, problems in interaction with government agencies, pressure on the boss from senior management.

A bad employee reaction is to cry and endure it. The motive is certainly noble, but it leads labor relations to a dead end. The employee needs to maintain self-esteem and mental health.

The first thing to do is check the content of the employer’s speeches and texts. The second is to identify discrimination on any grounds against an employee and the deterioration of working conditions for him.

Discrimination on racial, gender, national and other grounds is unacceptable and grossly violates the norms of the Constitution and the Labor Code of the Russian Federation.

How to stop insults

Often bosses go too far, allowing themselves to shout, humiliate and insult subordinates. This cannot be tolerated. Many people make the mistake of responding in the same tone and getting personal.

When you hear an insult addressed to you, calmly and calmly ask your boss what caused the negativity. Remind him of the administrative responsibility for humiliation and rudeness. No one is allowed to break the law, no matter what the reasons behind it.

The position of a superior gives him the right to assign responsibilities and demand their fulfillment. But he is not a slave owner who is allowed to do whatever he wants.

You should not forgive even a single humiliation. This can become a habit and will be repeated with enviable regularity.

"Avengers: Infinity War"

In this part of the saga, we see how Thanos, being a boss, literally destroys everything around him, just for the sake of power and greed for profit, so that everyone will fear him. Within the framework of Avengers films, this looks familiar, but a lesson can be learned from such behavior. Sooner or later, even your closest followers will realize that they are following the orders of a madman, abandon the mission and turn against you.

Found a violation? Report content

Conversation in a raised voice

What to do if your boss bullies you at work, constantly raises your tone and doesn’t let you say a word? There is only one answer - do not ignore it. The position of a “humble lamb” will be very convenient for leadership. And the incidents will continue.

When trying to tame your boss, do not forget about self-control. Don't allow yourself to shout or raise your tone in response. Your speech should be calm, convincing and clear. No belittling, doubts or attempts at flirting in the voice. Explain that you will continue the dialogue only in a calm tone. The following methods will help reduce the heat:

looking eye to eye;
drinking a glass of water;
an offer to sit down and discuss everything calmly.

The boss continues to shout, don’t humiliate yourself either, trying to calm him down. This is not your responsibility. Say that you do not intend to continue the conversation, but are happy to resume it in a businesslike manner. After that, you can safely turn around and leave.

Indirect methods of influencing a boss or supervisor

A person receives about 80% of information non-verbally! If you build a behavior model correctly, the information will be firmly entrenched in your boss on a subconscious level.

Forget about smiling. Don't try to smooth things over by smiling at your boss during an awkward moment.

Be serious. Women, when communicating with men on a subconscious level, use a smile to achieve sympathy. In business relationships, this technique may not work.

By smiling awkwardly, you show softness and provoke an attack, especially from a sadist, dictator and actor. An emotionless facial expression cools the boss's ardor.

Follow your gaze. Look your boss in the eye. If you find it difficult to maintain eye contact, keep your gaze at nose level. When you lower your eyes, you recognize the strength of the other person. On a subconscious level, he feels that you have given up and goes on an active offensive.

Control your gestures. Lowering your head, constantly nodding, nervous gestures, defensive postures and movements show your uncertainty and weakness. Watch your behavior:

Don't backtrack when communicating with your boss;
Do not look for additional support in the form of a table or chair when standing in front of your boss;
Do not fence yourself off from him with crossed arms and legs;
Stop blowing away non-existent specks of dust and removing imaginary specks from your clothes;
Remove your hands from your face and raise your eyes;
Express agreement with a discreet single nod;
Formulate phrases accurately and answer questions.

Don't hesitate trying to avoid answering . By hiding behind vague phrases, you are admitting insecurity and weakness.
Work on your clothes. Business style in clothing is a symbol of distance. A formal dress code sets subconscious boundaries of communication in the boss’s head. It is not for nothing that in large companies employees are required to comply with mandatory appearance requirements, the main one of which is business attire.
Don't pay attention to jokes and provocations. Failure to respond as expected will disrupt your boss’s plans. Move on to discuss work issues without noticing sarcasm and inappropriate jokes. This technique does not work with tyrant leaders. Silence for them is a sign of weakness and fear, which affects sadists like a red rag on a bull.

Coping with habitual nonverbal reactions is difficult, but necessary if you want to show your boss his place.

When choosing a method of response, be guided by your own strengths and the character of your boss. The more individual factors you take into account, the more effective your behavior will be.

Intimidation by dismissal

If the boss says: “If you don’t like it, quit,” then this is a direct manifestation of psychological pressure.

It is important

That is, either you agree to the terms or look for a new job. Don't fall for this blackmail. Such actions are illegal.

The reasons why you may be fired are clearly stated in the labor code. And no one is allowed to exceed their authority. In this case, the management has no legal grounds for dismissal. Defending your rights is the task of every self-respecting employee. There are not many ways to counter it. You can contact the trade union or write a complaint to the labor inspectorate. Another option would be to draw up an additional agreement with a clearly stated amount of payment for the duties introduced.

The situation is more complicated in private organizations where labor relations are not properly formalized. But it’s worth trying to defend your rights in this case too.

What to do if your manager is toxic

On a global scale, you have only two options: leave or endure.

Obviously, evacuation is the best option when it comes to something toxic. If we were talking about real poison, the solution would be a little simpler. The exclusion zone around Pripyat or the asbestos-covered ghost town of Wittenoom in Australia are rather attractions for tourists who like to tickle their nerves. And frankly speaking, there are not many people who want to stay there permanently.

Sometimes, of course, there is a temptation to fight with a toxic leader. Like, running away means losing, so you have to stay until the last. Occasionally this even succeeds. But is it worth it? In most cases, you run the risk of wasting a lot of effort but not changing anything. But in the heat of battle you yourself will receive new wounds, from which it will be even more difficult to recover.

You don't have to prove anything to anyone. Moving away from the source of the poison is smart.

Another thing is that quitting is not always easy. Maybe you love your place of work so much that you are willing to put up with difficulties. Or you don't have a cushion, so regular income is vital. Or you have a rare specialty, so it will be difficult to find a job. In this case, your task is to stock up on protection from “toxic fumes” for the time being until you can quit or the situation corrects itself.

Last resort

If all attempts to stop the unreasonable nagging of management have not brought results, then the question of dismissal arises. This is an extreme measure, and it is worth taking it thoughtfully and carefully. As they say, don’t cut from the shoulder. If you decide to leave your job, first look for a new one.

Send your resume to the vacancies that interest you, call (or better yet, visit) the HR departments of other companies. Don't be afraid to undergo multi-level testing and don't be intimidated by high requirements.

During the interview you will be asked the reason for your dismissal. Do not rush to tell the whole truth that your boss is a tyrant and you constantly argued with him. This will not work to your advantage, even if it is true. The new employer does not know you, and will be inclined to think that you are a conflicted person who tends to blame everyone but himself. This will be followed by a refusal. It’s better to talk with reason about the impossibility of career growth or lack of prospects.

Being nagged by your boss at work is an unpleasant, but quite common, phenomenon. Everyone has encountered it to one degree or another. You should not tolerate and take on the role of a victim. Save your nerves and do not forget about your self-esteem.

Clings to a girl

A more advanced case is when a male leader finds fault with a woman. Let's look at it separately:

Despite the fact that the feminist movement has existed for a long time, in Russia high positions are most often occupied by men. Sometimes nitpicking can be caused precisely by this point. The main reason why an employer may find fault with a lady is a feeling of weakness of the enemy.
A boss may feel sympathy for his subordinate. Naturally, not every person can reciprocate: unrequited “love” is a common occurrence. But the insecure boss will get angry and begin to use his position to humiliate the lady and make her stay at work uncomfortable.
If you are a real expert in your field, then it may well be that the boss feels like a prof. inferiority in your background. It's sad, but that's life: even small success can cause envy. But there is a reason to smile - you have really achieved something in your life!

Girls tend to remain silent and may not talk about conflicts: they are not always ready to fight if they see that their opponent is higher in terms of position. The reason is the inability to value oneself and problems in childhood.

The boss treats me badly because of jealousy

Jealousy in this case is a multifaceted concept. Your boss may feel that you are the soul of the team, and she is considered the leader only formally.

For a complex person it is simply unbearable to tolerate this state of affairs. Therefore, she goes to any lengths to get you fired.

BY THE WAY ! Jealousy can be quite “classic”: a female director is jealous of a man who shows you attention. Having no other chance to win his affection, she uses mean tricks.