Why did I immediately say that this topic would be surprising for many? Because we all know that for men the most important and decisive thing is sexual drive
.
Many young ladies, as well as men, sincerely believe that all these emotional things are not very important to men.
The main thing is that she has a vigorous body, the main thing is that she is cheerful, the main thing is that she performs the functions that are intended for women. But this is actually a mistake and is absolutely not true.
In fact, men experience things emotionally much more than you and I, young ladies.
Hearing this postulate, I am sure that many young ladies now joyfully rubbed their hands and said: “Wow, what happiness!” Finally, they need emotions! We, women, will now give them three buckets of these emotions, the men will simply not be able to disentangle themselves.” And at this moment, my dears, you will be extremely wrong. What you and I mean by an emotional state, by an influx of emotions, by unity, by merging, by delight, in the male world is called a completely different word, which you definitely don’t want to know.
Emotional intimacy for men
- this is a completely different story and now I will tell you in detail, and you will read and find out what men perceive as emotional intimacy with women.
Why can't we understand this? Because 99% of us women don’t understand ourselves. If I'm right, write about it in the comments. Haven’t you had something like this: in the morning I woke up and started to rush, my mood is up and down, then I’m happy, then I want to die, then everything is fine, then it’s just terrible, then I love him, then he infuriates me and annoys me and really doesn’t care. I know what to do with it. If this has happened to you in your life, girls, then write about it in the comments.
In fact, such emotional swings, of course, do not bring joy to anyone - neither you personally nor men. Where do they come from? From a simple inability to love yourself correctly.
When you don’t love yourself correctly, then, accordingly, what do you give to men? Still the same, to put it mildly, not quite right love.
So, what do men mean by emotional intimacy with a woman? That is, which woman will they finally feel close to and understand that we are of the same blood?
Female respect for a man
The first thing is if a woman understands what respect is
.
Oh, how I know very well that this is one of the most difficult moments. Just the day before yesterday, someone wrote to me, I think, on Instagram: “How can this be? I respect him, but he humiliates me all the time. What should I do about this? I really wanted to answer, but I didn’t, because it’s clearly clear that how you think what respect is and how men perceive what respect is are two big differences
.
What do we women perceive by the word “respect”? It's that there is someone who we like very much and we accept what he does and we don't argue too much internally with it. If I'm right, write about it in the comments.
And despite the fact that we respect this person, we recognize his merits, this will never stop us from getting into an argument with him if we disagree with something. Right?
Respect in the male world reflects something completely different. If a man respects another man, he never argues with him. He does what he is told. He perceives that this person, respected by him, is an authority.
That is, this famous phrase of two drunk men: “ Do you respect me?
” says that “I will listen to you, I’m right. And, if I’m right, then you support and absolutely accurately perceive my information, stop doubting it and do what I think is right.” Dear and beloved men who came to this article, if I’m right, I beg you, write about it in the comments.
The health of hypersensitive men is at risk
You need to know about your sensitivity level first of all in order to stay healthy. According to statistics, men die earlier than women by an average of 5–10 years. Dr. Thomas Perls, a professor at Boston University School of Medicine, believes that the average human life expectancy is 70% dependent on lifestyle, behavior and the people around him, and only 30% on genetic or biological predisposition.
Scientists have found that monks and nuns who lived in similar conditions had almost the same average life expectancy. Moreover, monks lived on average 4 years longer than other men!
Dr. Mark Louis, who conducted the study, attributes this difference to lifestyle: a mindfully organized daily routine, low stress levels and healthy habits. Louis believes that the reason for increased male mortality is not biological characteristics, but gender differences in the prescribed “norm” of lifestyle for men and women.
Men who are unaware of the peculiarities of their nervous system may experience specific health problems if they force themselves to follow gender norms and take less care of their health than is “decent” for a “real man.”
By denying their sensitivity, men can lead a lifestyle that is inappropriate for their nervous system - and thereby harm it, exacerbating anxiety, fatigue and stress.
A highly sensitive nervous system means that you become more easily overstimulated and fatigued due to overstimulation. Such people process internal stimuli (feelings, thoughts, sensations) and at the same time external ones (people, noise, light, smell) and quickly get tired. The result is confusion and a feeling of incoherence, inner instability and exhaustion.
This is the main challenge that all hypersensitive people have to cope with. Regulating the load on the nervous system is the fly in the ointment of hypersensitivity. A very large spoon.
Men's freedom and its sense of sensation
The second important component of emotional intimacy is a feeling of freedom.
.
I have written an endless number of articles about the feeling of freedom in relationships among men. But, unfortunately, I can’t always convey to you, young ladies, the essence of what men perceive as freedom
.
For some reason, many women, having heard about this from me, begin to argue with me and say: “Yeah, give him freedom, and he will rush to irrigate fields, farms and other women with his own sperm.”
For some reason, women sincerely believe that freedom equals permissiveness
.
My dear, this is absolutely not true. Freedom and permissiveness are completely different things
. What is freedom in a man's understanding? Freedom in a man's understanding is doing what he likes.
Believe me, a man's world is much more complicated.
, than ours, female. In their male world, mostly men never do things that simply give them pleasure. That is, all sorts of strange hobbies, some of their attachments, some of their interesting things. Some people like to strum the guitar, some like to sit in the garage, some like fishing, some like hunting.
Look for yourself, women, with what claws and teeth they bite into their hobbies or their passions every time. Because it is precisely doing what gives them pleasure that is freedom for men. Because the rest of a man’s life is “ you have to
" and "
you must
".
Not only are you eating his brain
, believe me,
he himself knows what he should and what he is obliged to do
. It always sits in his head and knocks his head off.
Therefore, if you want a man to feel free next to you, then never cut off for him those actions that give him pleasure.
Emotions - how do they work?
The main purpose of emotions is to form the value of a past, present or future event. If we had not been able to experience pleasure from food or sex, humanity would have died out a long time ago. Emotions help people find common ground, compassion, help and love.
However, there are those who do not like to express emotions, but also do not want to communicate with others. These loners cannot stand the presence of others in their lives, and do not want to embarrass someone with their own appearance. Maybe they don't feel emotions? In no case! Emotions in these people are caused by other sources. As a rule, these are keen philatelists, collectors or players. Each of these people, aware of the need to communicate with the outside world, established connections with people. But, experiencing discomfort, he left at the moment when he realized that he could not overcome himself.
These people are easy to spot. They are withdrawn, gloomy and unresponsive to the requests of others. It is difficult to get them to communicate; at the same time, they are distinguished by their scandalous character and intolerance to other people’s shortcomings. Needless to say, it is difficult to establish contact with such individuals. However, the danger from such behavior lurks not only for society, but also for the person himself. If your opponent does not understand you, he defends himself and defends himself as best he can.
Intimacy as openness on the part of a woman
The next most important aspect of emotional intimacy is openness on the part of the woman.
.
I won’t even tell you how much we don’t clearly understand what openness is. I’ll tell you right away how men perceive what openness on the part of a woman
. This is when a woman explains to a man in clear language what she wants, what she needs in order to become happy and content.
Honestly, ladies, one of the biggest fears of men is that they don’t understand us
do not make their life any easier
with our hints, some strange wishes, some comparative images and other florid, sophisticated things .
A man needs to understand what exactly we want. And when he understands exactly what we want, then he can fulfill our desires. And since 90% of women sincerely believe that men cannot honestly say what you think you want
, it turns out that no matter what he tries to do, he will always be at fault, because you are, by and large, a closed, mysterious book that needs to be read.
Sensitive children are more dependent on their environment
Scientists have proven that sensitive people react more sensitively to their “habitat” - that is, they are more strongly influenced by both the negative environment and the care and love of loved ones. A study by Jay Belsky and Michael Pluss found that children who are described as "slow to warm up," "difficult," or "inhibited" are the ones most in need of caring and loving parents. This support helps them achieve higher grades and demonstrate better social skills than children with “simple personalities”:
"Children with 'difficult' temperaments do better in positive and supportive environments than other children because their high sensitivity means they respond more strongly to positive influences."
This effect is called differential susceptibility: a hypersensitive person will suffer more in an unfavorable environment, but thrive more in a favorable environment.
Emotional Intimacy as a Deep Connection
And the last most important point about what men perceive as emotional intimacy. In English it’s called “deep connection”; in Russian, if translated, it’s probably some kind of very deep connection
.
In fact, the connection is not as deep as you and I think. Deep connection means that you are connected with a man by some common interests
and common interests are not only sex, not only raising children and not just some kind of everyday life, what to cook, what to eat, what store to go to, but you are connected on some deeper emotional level.
You share a passion for the same music, you can go on some kind of hike together, because you both sincerely like it, and not because you pretend to go with him, so that, God forbid, he You can’t just leave it there, what you have, what you really have to talk about for a long time, express points of view, that you read the same literature and you are absorbed in it, you like to talk about it.
Either you love horror movies together, or, conversely, your man is sentimental and you both sniffle when you watch romantic comedies.
In general, it doesn’t matter what, the main thing is that there is a community of interests
at least in some way, then the man can say: “She understands me. She is amazing, she is not like everyone else. Where else can I find one like this? As far as I understand, this is exactly what you want, dear ladies.
Well, we’ve sorted out the main aspects of emotional intimacy, let’s enhance it with romance in order to finally emotionally destroy your man’s tower, click and find out what “acting masks in relationships” are.
How and why to make a person emotional?
We can use a simple example to look at how and why a person gets emotional. Every girl has a dream - to meet a prince and definitely marry him. As a result, she falls in love with someone who more or less matches her ideas, but the girl in love no longer notices this. She considers this man the height of perfection, and is madly in love. However, the young man pauses. It's hard to say why. Maybe the girl is not his dream, or the guy himself is not ready for a serious relationship, but the lady begins to desire to attract the attention of the young man she likes. So how can you get a man to show true emotions?
There are no clear recommendations or rules for achieving this goal. It all comes down to the fact that it is better to exclude tears, a pained expression and proceedings. Better yet, show extreme coldness and ignore the young man. But only as much as the rules of ethics and tact allow. The young man will be discouraged by your behavior with a 99.9% probability.
Jealousy.
Jealousy is, in fact, a destructive human quality that can deprive even the most cold-blooded of us of reason. However, in small doses, like poison, it is very useful for attracting the attention of the opposite sex. There are many ways to make a young man jealous. The best of them is to take care of yourself (change your image, hairstyle, etc.). Flirt with someone from your inner circle. Just do it without fanaticism, otherwise you risk causing a backlash in the young man.
Resentment.
Even if there is nothing to be offended about, pretend that you are offended. Do not answer phone calls, SMS messages, do not call yourself and refuse meetings. After some time, you will understand whether his intentions towards you are serious or not. A loving person will definitely find a way to find out the reason for the girl’s strange behavior. Otherwise, don't get hung up on someone who doesn't care about your grievances.
Weakness.
It is clear that you are in love and have completely lost the ability to think logically. However, every self-respecting woman intuitively knows her boyfriend’s weak points. Use this knowledge to your advantage.
Closedness.
Think about the reason why a young man refuses to show his emotions? Maybe he is closed and uncommunicative by nature?
It might seem like a simple example, but it shows that emotions help people understand each other. They show a person’s attitude towards his partners, his worldview and outlook on life.
Self-asserting
Another category of men are weak-willed cowards who deliberately anger women with their actions and words, why? This is how they assert themselves. An example for clarity. Elvira, coming home from work, listens to a bunch of disguised complaints from her husband:
- “There’s nothing else to eat besides this stew.”
- “I just washed my feet, they are dirty again, just like the floors.”
- “And Marinka (his sister) got a new haircut today, she’s so beautiful, I can’t take my eyes off her, but I’ve somehow gotten used to your look.”
- “You looked like you were planting potatoes in the garden in this dress.”
- “Why are gaskets so expensive?”...
And such phrases rain down in an endless stream until Elvira explodes or simply says: “that’s enough.” This is what Ildar (husband) needs. The stream of little phrases turns into a stormy waterfall of insults, now unconcealed and aggressive. The sooner Elvira cries, the sooner Ildar will stop, after accusing his wife of making him angry. Ildar got what he wanted: Elvira was humiliated, trampled and left guilty, and he was a handsome man and a male.
Why are they doing that? Only weak women (especially those who depend on them, for example, those on maternity leave) cannot fight back. It’s scary to fight with others, but how can you raise your self-esteem? Take it out on those who are weaker. How to deal with these? If possible, run without looking back. If not, do not react to their provocations. Psychologists advise that during attacks, mentally distract yourself - repeat the multiplication table, dream about a trip to the sea, choose the color of the wallpaper, or plan to rearrange the furniture. Another effective technique is to mentally build a brick wall or put on a cap made of armored glass.
LiveInternetLiveInternet
The world of male emotions is a special world that every woman should know. Knowing the laws of a man’s emotional life is already half the battle in the struggle to tame him. It's not that men aren't emotional. They are undoubtedly emotional, but in their own way. Remember, since ancient times, a man has been a hunter. This means he cannot be weak. He must be strong. He is always ready to defend. That is why he cannot be as open as a woman is open. Therefore, he does not often and not so clearly demonstrate his feelings. A man is better than a woman at controlling himself in various situations. And in my opinion, we should only be happy about this! In difficult moments of life, many women are prone to panic. And what a blessing that at such moments there are men nearby who do not panic! They can come to the rescue not with words, but with deeds. Behind their so-called lack of emotionality in men lies their most important quality: they are responsible for us, they make the main decisions. You can rely on them. And there is no need to demand feminine expressions from them (long, sympathetic conversations that all women love to have). Men are more secretive than women due to the fact that they are hunters. What kind of hunter would show all of himself? No! He who is forewarned is forearmed: any “extra” knowledge about a person deprives him of his strength. Unsolved and strong - this is what a man strives to be. And there is no need to contradict him. Even if you solved it, you should not tell him about it. He won't like it.
They say that men are gossips. Women who have worked a lot in men's teams fully confirm this. Men love to gossip both with each other and with their female friends. They gossip a lot and willingly, but somehow they gossip very unartistically, in a telegraphic style: “She gave birth to a son from Igor. They separated from Volodya.” That's not how women gossip. If they start about her and her men, then it will last for three hours. Who put them together and when, who had a dream about it three years ago, and so on. There is no need to blame women or men. We're just different.
As for TV series, many people don’t watch them and are absolutely happy! As for ridiculing those who watch them, this may be cruel, but for an intelligent person it is quite fair. In any case, the husband’s refusal to communicate with him on topics of television and communal gossip cannot be regarded as a great tragedy.
It is extremely difficult for a man, especially a young and insecure man, to say the phrase: “I love you.” He is very scared because he is afraid to hear a refusal in response. It’s also scary because if you love me, then you are responsible for me (a woman’s logic!). This means that some special obligations are imposed on you. Finally, love must sooner or later be crowned... And here the most terrible word for a man and cherished for a woman may appear: MARRIAGE. Men fear more than anything else an attack on their freedom. How strange, a woman dreams of tying herself to someone else, she feels bad and uncomfortable without it, and a man runs away from lack of freedom like the devil from incense. Remember this please. Do not encroach on what is most sacred, do not deprive a man of his freedom. Even if a man loves, this does not mean that he immediately invites you to live together under the same roof. There is no need to rush and drag a closet with your dowry to him. We have to wait. We need to take a break. Let the man decide for himself. And if it’s not ripe, then it’s not your destiny. So you don’t need to bring anything to him before he himself says: “Darling, can you bring your things to me?”
Remember:
you cannot expect violent emotions from men over a reason that is insignificant to them. Men find it much more difficult than women to express their feelings; - You can’t force them to be sensitive.
You can’t repeat the same thing to them twice, or more than three times or four times, in the hope of being understood. Otherwise there will be an explosion. Men hate empty female chatter. Tears piss them off. It is difficult for men to be the first to apologize and ask for forgiveness, because this means admitting their mistake! And admitting that a mistake has been made leads again to the worst thing for a man - low self-esteem. Men hate public explanations. This also humiliates them. The worst crime against a partner is to humiliate him! By nature, more vulnerable than a woman, a man is often simply unable to bear it. Accumulating humiliation after humiliation, he will remain silent for some time, and then slam the door and never appear again!
Therefore, do not forget: - men will respect your feelings much more if you show that you understand their own; - to humiliate a man means to lose his favor.
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How to make a man feel love?
Love is a feeling that is simply impossible to force, but it is quite possible to increase the likelihood that men will begin to experience increased attention and strong feelings towards you.
In order to arouse feelings and passion in a man, it is enough to master a number of fairly simple techniques that will not require a lot of time and large expenses from you. It should be noted that not everyone knows the principles of this technique, and, therefore, for many women it remains a mystery how to evoke feelings in a man.
In order to arouse passion in a man, it is necessary to have a number of shared vivid memories with him. Riding a roller coaster together or going to the cinema to watch creepy horror films that will make your blood run cold may be suitable for these purposes.
The fact is that during such an adventure there is a high probability that in the most critical moments you will hold hands, which is an indicator of trust and some intimacy.
Reason No. 3. Fear of addiction
A man hates dependence, it is not inherent in a man’s character. A man realizes that dependence is the first step to manipulation and control, and this threatens the loss of personal freedom.
Men are proud to be called “representatives of the stronger half of humanity.” They, like women, are afraid of pain. The best way to impress the woman you like is to show strength.
They need much more time (compared to women) to establish emotional intimacy.
What should you not do with an emotionally reserved man?
Answer in kind. A man already knows that you are different - tender, vulnerable, and often cry while watching a Brazilian series. Changes in your behavior will not bear fruit. Don’t say (or better yet, don’t think) how cold, insensitive and narcissistic he is. Do not focus on rare manifestations of feelings. Never mention how he cried when he saw the consequences of you going out on your own in a new car.
Or is it indifference?
It is difficult for a woman (if she does not have the appropriate education) to determine the line between emotional coldness and indifference. The external manifestation of these parameters is the same - the absence of gentle words.
An unmistakable indicator of the male love of an emotionally cold man is his actions. What is important is real help and support, not promises and unsuccessful attempts.
What to do with an emotionally reserved man?
If you decide that this man is your man and you will have a family, be patient.
Be an example. Give love freely without demanding a response. Ask questions, don't make statements. Trouble at work? Why don't you want to go to the theater? When will we go on vacation? Summarize your feelings (“I know we love each other, so we can handle this”).
He hid them under reliable armor.
FUCK. WITH HIM.
This is your magic wand so no one else can piss you off.
It's so simple that it's even stupid.
But it works.
You say, “Fuck him,” and the one who pisses you off loses his influence.
He stops pissing you off because a wall of three words has appeared in your head.
That's it - now you know how to stay calm when you're being pissed off.
Use this algorithm whenever your insides begin to boil from another asshole or just a loved one who thought that he was the smartest and could teach you.
I'll repeat it so you can go back and quickly refresh your memory:
- Catch yourself when you start to lose control
- Look at yourself and your interlocutor from the outside
- Name the reasons for your rage
- Let go of your emotions ("Fuck it")
See you later.
Vlad Makeev.
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Vampirite
The same category includes energy vampires who feed on the energy released by a woman when she is angry, screams or cries. Male vampires behave in the same way as in the previous example. But, as soon as the “victim” loses his peace of mind, they calm down, do not swear, and only with rare interventions add fuel to the fire, preventing passions from dying out too early.
Warms up
And decent men sometimes need women’s emotions for harmless purposes. For what? Let's look at an example. Ivan is a hot and emotional person. Maria is calm and reserved. Such opposites, but happy together for many years. When Ivan becomes completely sad next to his “cold as a roach” wife, he begins to “warm her up”. He achieves an emotional explosion in various ways. Often these are serious quarrels, but they always end in violent sex. And then peace and harmony reign in the house again. In such cases, psychological attacks serve as a kind of pill, giving him a portion of adrenaline and her a release (it’s not easy to keep everything inside yourself all the time).
Catch yourself the moment you start to get angry
First of all, you must learn to catch yourself doing this.
The person opposite is out to get you.
He talks, talks, talks.
Maybe even squeal.
The most important thing you have to do here is notice that you are angry.
It sounds simple, but don't let the simplicity fool you.
When anger begins to boil within you, you must say to yourself: “I am angry.”
Many people don't do this.
They follow their emotions, as if hypnotized.
But you are here to learn how to manage your emotions.
So, in stressful moments, tell yourself: “I feel angry.”
And move on to the second point.
Manipulates
Who are manipulators? These are people who know how to control others, playing on their feelings and weaknesses. Example situation (names are fictitious). Katya and Vadim planned to go to her parents’ dacha for the weekend to help improve the territory. More precisely, Katya planned, and Vadim wasn’t particularly eager, but he couldn’t refuse outright. What is he doing? He begins to provoke Ekaterina with words and actions - he “accidentally” stains her favorite T-shirt, crumples and throws an important report in the trash can, and leaves a dirty plate on the floor near the sofa. For what? He deliberately irritates the girl, arouses her into negative emotions and inflames her. The result is a domestic quarrel. Katya is to blame, and Vadim is “white and fluffy”, he didn’t do it on purpose. An offended man will never go to his father-in-law's dacha; he would rather watch football with beer, which Katya sends for as an apology. Sound familiar?
Another story. One day Olya started replanting indoor flowers. Her husband Oleg really didn’t want to help her; sheer laziness and an online backgammon tournament on his smartphone were to blame. But how can you refuse your beloved wife, by the way, because these flower pots are so big and heavy? We need to play on her irritability and love for fast, high-quality work. Then Oleg takes an ordinary tablespoon (the one for soup), a basin, sits on the floor next to the pot and begins to scoop out the soil from it with a spoon. Olya had enough time to contemplate such “hard” work for 5 minutes. Then she freaked out, picked up the pot, turned it over, shook it and poured all the soil into the basin. Then Oleg was offended: “you don’t like my help, then do everything yourself, do you think I’m stupid or lazy...”. And he went on to play backgammon and lie on the couch (the story, by the way, is real).
There are different manipulations. Some of them are aimed at doing something, others - at not doing something. In both cases, the manipulator achieves what he wants by putting pressure on the “victim’s” psyche, her feelings, weaknesses and habits - pity, love, anger, irritability, punctuality... Yes, and punctuality too. An acquaintance of mine was always late home for dinner, to college, to the train, always and everywhere, making excuses about the uselessness of public transport. His parents, punctual and obligatory people, were very annoyed by this. Therefore, they gave him a wristwatch and a car, which is what he actually wanted. So not only other halves can manipulate, but also children, friends, parents, and random passers-by. To resist them, you need to know your weaknesses, be able to recognize psychological pressure and control your reactions to it.
Reason #5: Painful experience
If a man’s past relationship ended in a fantastic fiasco, he will be careful in showing emotions in the future.
Women's betrayal, betrayal and deception give rise to 2 thoughts in a man's head:
“I loved, but they hurt me, what a fool I was.” “In order not to get a knife in the back, you cannot show feelings.”
His new lady will need a lot of patience and love for the man to open up to her. Over time, these categorical arguments disappear, and the man plunges into new relationships with all passion.
