Unrequited love happens in the life of almost every person, putting him before a difficult choice. What to do if this happens to you? Is it possible to avoid suffering or quickly get rid of it? How do psychologists advise dealing with unrequited love? Is there any point in fighting and are we able to take control of it? The answers are in the article below.
What is unrequited love
Already in the words “unrequited love” lies the definition of this phenomenon. Of course, we are talking about love that is left without reciprocity. It depends only on us how these feelings will affect our personality, self-esteem and future life. Of course, the ideal development of the situation is to “get over it” and move on, having learned the necessary lessons from the incident. Unfortunately, other stories related to unrequited love also happen: a person begins to concentrate on feelings, delving into them and simultaneously dragging himself into a long-term depression.
First actions
You realized what happened: you were stuck in unrequited love. Of course, it is impossible to save yourself with universal advice on how to get out of this situation.
Take advantage of the advice, which often causes rejection and rejection, but following it is inevitable, you will still come to it, no matter what path. The first thing to do is grieve. Yes, allow yourself this! You are in pain, and you cannot keep this pain inside yourself, thereby cultivating it and storing it inside. No, you have to let her out. Of course, this does not mean that you now need to spend years suffering and being obsessed with the person who rejects you. Do you want such a fate for yourself? Apparently not. An evening (maximum of a week) will be enough to throw out all the negative emotions associated with unrequited love.
Note that your goal is to throw out the negativity, not wallow in it. Cry while watching videos and photos, share your experiences with a friend, mother, watch films and clips about unrequited feelings. It will be painful and difficult, but at some point (it will come sooner than you think) you will begin to notice that you seem to be cleansing and getting rid of the heaviness. This is natural and logical: you remove the burden from your heart, it becomes easier. Of course, it is better to go through this stage right away. Don't think that pushing your emotions inside will get rid of them. They just show up at the wrong time.
Analyze
Often, faced with unrequited love, and realizing that this feeling needs to be gotten rid of, lovers prefer to completely isolate themselves from it, not noticing and ignoring it. At some stage this will work, but first try not to forget what happened, but to analyze it well. Follow the previous advice and don’t live with your worries, throw them out. At the same time, it is not only not prohibited, but even recommended to think about the person for whom you feel unrequited love. This is not about imagining a possible happy future together. Don’t fantasize, but think sensibly: why didn’t it work, maybe it’s a matter of incompatibility? And from this follows the next point.
Debunk
Look at the object of adoration soberly. Love is “intoxicating”, and this expression appeared for a reason. Ask your friends or family to tell you their thoughts on why your love was not reciprocated. Usually people in love negatively perceive negative information about their loved one, but try to assume that everything told to you is true. If unrequited love has happened to you not for the first time, then you probably know that after a while events are seen completely differently, and moments always pop up in your memory about which you think: “They immediately told me that he was dishonest, but I didn’t listen.” " Let's assume that this time, too, the negative information about your chosen one may well be true.
If no one speaks out about a person who worries you (due to unfamiliarity with him or unwillingness to talk about him), then, for sure, you yourself can analyze the situation and understand what shortcomings he has. This is exactly what you should focus on - his negative traits. They are common to everyone. Do you think this person is an exception? Then perhaps you don't know him very well yourself. Playwright Lope de Vega Fr. Of course, this line applies to both sexes.
How bad is it?
When a girl does not reciprocate from the very beginning, she does not develop sympathy for a fan, the best thing he can do is to come to terms with a hopeless situation.
To reduce the load, you need to stop focusing on failure. A common situation is when a girl is perceived purely as a friend. She begins to consult with the young man, tells the young man all his problems and experiences, and actively maintains communication as with a friend. My friend is not interested in intimacy.
We need to act decisively. Make it clear to the lady of your heart that you will continue to communicate with her, advise and help, but count solely on more. Do not put pressure on your chosen one - let her think about what is happening. Perhaps a friend is afraid that if she fails on the “love front”, she will lose a friend or just a loved one.
People mistakenly believe that this is the worst situation. In fact, many happy couples began their relationship with friendship. As you continue to spend time with your friend and communicate, both partners learn a lot about each other.
Friendly communication can flow into strong love: both are already aware of the character traits of their neighbor. On the contrary, couples who begin an affair at first after meeting may learn something about their partner that will later become the reason for the breakup.
If a girl does not want to become the companion of her current friend, there is only one way out - to leave. Further contacts will only bring pain and suffering.
Very often people think that the strongest feeling is love. Of course, love is very powerful, but I wonder: is it the most powerful? I think the strongest feeling is fear. And even when you love someone, there is always a fear that this person does not reciprocate your feelings, or is it just fear in your head and all sorts of things that you think up for yourself. That's why so many of the songs on the album are about how I deal with fear. This is the most powerful feeling for me. Tyler Joseph
It happens that a young man does not correspond to a girl’s ideas about the male ideal. In such situations, a girl can be friendly towards a boy, but she is not ready for a serious relationship with him. The young lady will not change her ideals and will continue to search for her ideal companion.
There are 4 options for further action for the guy:
- Try to get closer to the “ideal”, adapt to it, so that the chosen one finally falls in love.
- Continue to pursue the girl the way you are until she forgets about her past dreams.
- Wait until she becomes desperate to find the perfect guy and turns her attention to the one who is already close.
- Finally, you can try to exclude her from your life by trying to build a relationship with someone else.
Make sure that your companion does not “stuff up her price” and does not have inflated demands.
If a guy is not ready to adapt to the girl’s changing moods and dreams, and does not want to wait, the best thing to do is leave. A serious obstacle is the situation when the chosen one already has a boyfriend who is not indifferent to her. It is difficult and unfair to destroy mutual love. But if the opponent does not pay due attention to the passion, you can play “in contrast”: by demonstrating to the girl your interest and strong intentions. If this is not “fatal” love, she will gradually switch to a new admirer, comparing him with another.
But you can’t be intrusive, otherwise she will begin to perceive the young man as a “backup option” or an object of jealousy towards her current boyfriend. Make it clear that if there is no further development of the relationship, you will leave.
How to avoid becoming a victim of unreciprocated love
In order not to become a victim of unrequited love, you need to clearly understand how this unhealthy feeling appears? It is not for nothing that such a state is periodically compared to obsession, because when it comes to true love, there is an exchange of energies, but not a “one-sided game.”
Looking for reasons in childhood
Do people sometimes reject those who love and love those who avoid them? When many problems of a psychological nature arise (non-reciprocal love falls into this category), experts often say that the reasons should be sought in childhood. Try not to brush aside these words, and really remember how everything happened in those years. Many girls were in love with the leader of the class, and many boys were in love with the brightest classmate. Of course, these objects of affection could not reciprocate everyone. Someone had to be left with a feeling of unrequited love. Do you remember if you fell into this category? Your sympathy did not lead to the desired outcome, and you experienced an “unclosed gestalt.”
However, this story could have begun not at school, but in the family. Many parents did not have enough time for their children. Perhaps the reason is other children, or work, or some personal problems. The reasons don't matter anymore because they won't change the fact that you felt rejected. To deserve attention, you had to somehow contrive, and this scheme became stronger in your mind. It has become common for you to fight for the expression of other people’s feelings, and you have carried this tendency into adulthood.
Perhaps it's not about this person you fell in love with. With a different experience in childhood, probably at the first signs of non-reciprocity or emotional coldness, you would have switched to someone else, but life attitudes dictate a different development. It no longer occurs to us that a person may not be “ours.” Rather, we think that we didn't try hard enough to attract him.
"Adult" reasons
We have already realized that people who did not receive enough attention in childhood often experience feelings of unrequited love. However, sometimes the reasons that provoke a craving for the “inaccessible” are formed in adulthood.
Study the list of these reasons, and if they make themselves felt, then begin to fight them directly, and then, probably, your oppressive feeling of non-reciprocal love will disappear after that.
- Low self-esteem, lack of confidence
. People who have a tendency to devalue their own personality subconsciously do not consider themselves worthy of a chosen one. When they find a mate, they usually feel that they are somehow not a match for their other half, who seems to them smarter, prettier, more popular, more interesting, or overall better. Underestimating himself, such a person subconsciously accepts the disdain and agrees with it, believing that he deserves it. Women who fall into this category often find themselves victims of domestic tyrants. - "Victim" in life
. Often such people are not aware of their position, but it is clearly visible to others. Remember if someone told you a similar phrase: “Stop playing the victim”? This means that you really have an inclination, and it is not surprising that you are inclined to sacrifice your life, dignity, time and much more for the sake of non-reciprocal love. Of course, you are accustomed and even comfortable to find yourself a victim of circumstances, suffering from irresponsibility and not influencing the course of affairs. Over time, this position ceases to evoke pity. You need to get out of such relationships, and not feel sorry for yourself. - The need for strong emotions and feelings
. Such people are also called “energy vampires,” and vampirism can manifest itself in different ways. Usually we are talking about a strong need to feed negative emotions and experiences. Some are satisfied with the usual squabbles and quarrels, but for others this is not enough. Life without serious suffering seems impossible to them, and they easily plunge into these emotions - it is much easier to receive negativity from life than to strive for positivity. - Loneliness
is a common reason for falling into unreciprocated love. When experiencing loneliness, it is quite natural that we need human warmth. The object of love can be a completely random person who has shown at least the slightest sign of attention - this becomes enough to think about him constantly and come to the conclusion that true love has settled in the heart. Lonely people have a lot of time for fantasies that lead to such consequences. - Financial, housing difficulties
. It sounds mundane and unromantic, but such a topic can also be an impetus for non-reciprocal feelings. More often, girls who do not have the opportunity to live separately from oppressive parents or who are experiencing financial difficulties are susceptible to this. It begins to seem to them that their beloved would “save” them from troubles and help them solve them. Meeting a more or less suitable person makes you see him as a potential savior and, accordingly, love. We are not even talking about cold calculation - a girl can really believe that she has fallen in love, fantasizing how wonderful they would live together (as opposed to the present). Having realized that it is precisely about the desire to escape from difficulties, concentrate on solving them.
Pull yourself together
The following psychological attitude will help: “it didn’t work out with her, I’ll find another”, “they knock each other out.”
Many girls like rejected admirers. It’s worth looking around and directing energy in a different direction. But there is no need to rush. You need to give yourself time to move away from vivid experiences. Begin to carefully start new relationships with other girls. Develop new relationships for yourself, do not do this harm to the one who rejected the efforts, do not try to make her jealous.
- If he values her very much and wants to regain her affection, he can try to get closer again. You will have to act carefully and slowly.
- When a young man understands that this person has ceased to be his love interest, there is no need to reciprocate. You shouldn’t act harshly, be rude or hurt a person - continue to communicate, keeping your distance.
Start with a clean slate, but with your other significant other.
As practice shows, in such cases, elementary female pride and jealousy are activated. The former passion will see that the boyfriend has switched his attention and is successfully getting closer to other girls. There is a chance that the lady will be able to overcome such feelings and get in touch again and begin to show attention (carefully, trying not to show excessive interest).
What to do if you love, but you are not there
Many people believe that unrequited love only brings negative experiences, leaving bitterness and tears. If you have already done everything possible to attract the attention of your chosen one, but in return you do not get what you want, then try to distract yourself from the object of sympathy and realize that you can benefit.
The benefits of unrequited love
This idea may seem absurd and clichéd at first, but you can actually benefit from what is happening. Many people know the common expression that “if fate threw a sour lemon, then you need to make lemonade from it.”
If you have not already achieved reciprocity, then think about the positive aspects of the condition:
- Learning perseverance and willpower
. Non-reciprocal love builds character well. We have to learn endurance and take care even in difficult conditions of rejection. - Let's learn to appreciate
. Faced with non-reciprocal love, we learn to appreciate any signs of attention from a loved one. Usually in the situation under discussion there is little attention, it is especially valuable and is reproduced in memory more than once. When we meet mutual love in the future, we do not treat it as something natural - it becomes even more beautiful than it would have been before unrequited love. - Let's become more attractive
. This is what happens more often. Having failed to arouse the proper interest in the person we like, we try to change ourselves, and, as a rule, these changes happen for the better. Men usually become more interested in sports, and often turn their new hobby into a good habit. Women experiment more often with their appearance, begin to take care of themselves more carefully, and the results are not long in coming. - Let's become more inventive
. Having fallen in unrequited love, many people begin to think about how to conquer their beloved (beloved), and these thoughts motivate them to take extraordinary and memorable actions. It is possible that the object of adoration will not appreciate the effort, but in the process of thinking about various surprises, we draw many interesting ideas from various sources, and they may be useful in the future. - Let's become more attentive
. This phenomenon also has a logical explanation. Mindfulness develops in several directions. Firstly, we begin to notice a person’s desires and hobbies in order to match them. Secondly, we become more attentive to his surroundings, trying to understand which people arouse his interest. - Let's learn to be more proactive
. Non-reciprocal love often adds initiative and perseverance to a character. If before we did not strive to manifest it, or simply did not know how, in such a situation everything changes. Since a person who is not interested in us does not show himself in any way, we have to do this, simultaneously discovering new previously unknown facets in ourselves. - We take care of other people's feelings
. Of course, after experiencing unrequited love, some begin to take revenge on others, breaking their hearts and forcing them to go through various levels of suffering. Most people, on the contrary, learn tolerance, kindness and compassion. How does this manifest itself? Often, when trying to break through the wall of someone else’s indifference, we remember how we demonstrated coldness to someone else’s expression of feelings. Having realized what this person was experiencing, we strive to apologize and show attention - something that we were not able to give before. And in the future, we will become more tolerant of other people’s manifestations of love and will not allow ourselves to be callously ignored.
Let us summarize the points listed above: having experienced unreciprocated love, we learn many useful lessons for ourselves and discover important facets that would have remained in the shadows if not for the encounter with indifference. The palette of feelings becomes wider, and imagination develops. We gain important experience in overcoming various internal barriers, fears, insecurities and complexes. Having learned these lessons, you should not position yourself as a “victim” of unrequited love.
Watch the first reaction
There are two further scenarios for the development of events:
- Try to forget about the lady of your heart and turn your attention to the girls around you.
- Act hard and try to win her sympathy.
Weigh the decision, determine what the chances of success are.
When, in response to the efforts of a young man (an invitation to a cafe, for a walk, etc.), the chosen one does not show mutual interest and sympathy, you must first of all control your own reaction. Naturally, at such moments a person may feel offended.
Guys in most cases are also vulnerable and vulnerable, just like the fairer sex. Negative emotions and experiences bring no less torment to the stronger sex. This is not an indicator of mental weakness, but a common human reaction: sadness and frustration due to failure.
- How indifferent are you to the lady of your heart?
- Where does this attitude come from: is this a consequence of the mistakes and miscalculations of the young man himself, or is it something else?
If there is an offense, the guy should first make amends.
This happens especially often when the young lady previously showed signs of attention, and then, offended, began to move away. Review your behavior, give her time. Discuss controversial issues, find out what exactly you didn’t like, and don’t repeat the mistakes again. Later she will cool down and reconsider her attitude towards the fan.
You should ease the pressure and move away. After a while, the resentment will pass - you can gradually show signs of attention. Further, if you act successfully, everything will work out.
Advice from a psychologist to get rid of unrequited love
Let's consider the two most common situations: a lover has fallen out of love, or simply rejects, or when he is not aware of the feeling of falling in love.
If the feelings have faded
- The most pointless thing in this case is hope and the desire to “return feelings.” It is incredibly difficult to follow advice, but you will understand that it is the only true one: you need to wait it out, get over the disease and not humiliate yourself in front of the person who rejects, ignores, and avoids you. How can this humiliation be expressed, for which you will definitely be unpleasant after a certain period? This refers to intrusive calls (and in this case they are all intrusive), excessive attention, attempts to call again and again for a conversation or a meeting. Yes, hope dies very hard, but you will have to do your best to contribute to this, finding within yourself all the willpower that is possible.
- Don't think that by making your partner feel sorry for you, you will make him fall in love or keep him. Usually such pity is inseparable from contempt and disgust. Be persistent and accept the fact that his (her) love is gone or is basically impossible. Do you think about the shortcomings that repel your lover? They love different people: the evil, the poor, and the stupid. It’s just that that person doesn’t love you - the main reason for the impossibility of this union. Let go of the indifferent and meet the loving.
- You’re not happy with the “victim” position, and do you really want to stop suffering by breaking free from the captivity of unrequited love? You abruptly cut off relationships, short calls, messages, any reminders. Don't look for reasons why you can't do this - rather, find opportunities to implement this urgent recommendation.
- Remember that almost everyone has encountered this situation at some point. This will pass. However, what will be remembered is how you behaved. Not just in your memory. Try to prove yourself with dignity, so that when this passes (which is inevitable) you will not be ashamed of your weakness. Trust your suffering to a friend, mother or psychologist, but not to a person who doesn’t care about you.
- It is important to clearly understand that such emotions are a psychological addiction, similar to alcohol or nicotine. It takes time for the body to forget about addiction. It won’t be easy, but it’s time to start training willpower, it will still come in handy - get at least some benefit from the relationship that is tormenting you. Don’t idealize your partner, and then you will understand that what makes him special in your eyes is only your love, but otherwise, in your destiny you have met and will meet more interesting people who are able to treat you better.
If he/she doesn't know about your feelings
There are only two possible developments in the situation: recognition or getting rid of non-reciprocal love. If recognition has occurred, but there has been no response, try to follow the advice above; if you cannot do this for some reason, then do not ignore these recommendations. Life has given you a test, accept it with dignity.
- Find negative traits in him (her)
. Sometimes a little thing is enough to make you disappointed in a person and lose interest. Perhaps this person is greedy, stupid, boorish, a cheater, or something from this category. - You yourself can distract yourself from unhappy love
if you really want it. Switch your attention to some other task that requires energy and time. It is possible that within a few days you will forget about your old feelings. Despite the obvious banality of this advice, most people prefer not to follow it, brushing off the fact that they “no longer have the strength to do anything.” Maybe you don't want enough to fill your life with something else. Pay attention to your figure - maybe it’s not as ideal as you wanted? Direct your energy in this direction. It definitely won’t get worse, but it will definitely get better. - Fill up the time
. This advice follows from the past, and yet: fill your time with useful and interesting things, do not give loving, suffering thoughts even a chance to take you captive. Meet with friends, go to the movies, the theater, visit exhibitions, find an interesting hobby, and so on. Make a plan for the month and you will see how much you can get done. Make a promise to yourself that in a month, if necessary, you will return to these thoughts, but in the meantime, great urgent things await you. - Pay attention to the opposite sex
. Try your hand at a dating site or in hobby groups if you think that among your acquaintances there is definitely no person who can interest you.
Prevention of unrequited love
If a girl feels sympathy for a guy, but he does not reciprocate her feelings, she should tell herself “stop!” You will not ask to visit people who do not want to see you, or become friends with a person who does not want your friendship. It's the same with love.
Already at the initial stage, you need to extinguish the flaring fire of unhappy love, otherwise it will turn into a flame that burns you from the inside. Try to find an interesting activity that will take your mind off your budding attachment. For example, skydive, scuba dive, or clean the stairs in your hallway. Good physical activity is an excellent cure for “exalted” suffering.
Instead of an afterword
Having decided to reciprocate her feelings, you need to calculate your next steps by playing a chess game.
Try to surprise her, behave unconventionally, periodically changing your behavior pattern. The goal is to maintain the interest of the chosen one, being unobtrusive, gradually getting closer. Please note that many girls are not attracted to guys:
- Too open in front of them, exposing feelings before the romance begins.
- Making it clear that they will be there, waiting for “their time.”
Overly intrusive signs of attention can alienate your companion.
In this case, the intrigue is lost, interest in the young man as a potential partner fades away. Let the girl know that you like her without violating her personal space until the feelings become mutual. Positive emotions and signs of attention should be given “in doses” so that the young lady looks forward to meeting her gentleman and wonders what he will do next.
What do you think should be done if a girl doesn’t reciprocate? Share your personal experience, ask questions. Write in the comments.
Probably, almost the worst thing a person in love can hear from the object of his adoration is “I don’t love you!” It sounds very cruel, so cruel that only a few are ready to tell the truth face to face. It is customary to somehow gently evade, not say yes or no, or mutter something like “I’ll try to figure it out within myself” and play for time, expecting that either “it will come in handy” or “it will go away on its own.” And yet, what is better, to tell the truth about not love or to remain silent about the answer? Let's ask psychologists.
Don't say anything. Pull the cat by the tail.
A person who is so defenseless that it seems that all his clothes were taken off him and he was pushed out into the street in this form. The blood is pounding in the ears, the palms are getting cold, if someone confessed their love first, then of course they remember these feelings forever. Those seconds while you wait for an answer seem endless and you don’t have the strength to hear anything in response. Most often, if there is no mutual feeling, then the confession “I love you” is said “Thank you.” A little less often - “I am unworthy of you” and almost never “I don’t love you.” The rules of good manners do not allow us to break the heart of a person who is in love with us right away; we will give him illusory hope, pull the cat by the tail and cut this tail with pliers, slowly and painfully making it clear that there is no reciprocal love. Sometimes this process drags on for years and then the unrequitedly in love person becomes a chronically ill lover. Needless to say, if we don’t dot all the i’s right away, we practically destroy the life of the person who is in love with us. Then love will definitely be replaced by strong hatred, and instead of a lover, we may get the most merciless enemy. Human relationships are very difficult, it is such a subtle matter where there is no room for omissions.
Tell the truth face to face.
The unknown and uncertainty exhaust a person so much that it is better to hear the truth, no matter how bitter it may be.
But to say to a person in love straight in the eyes “I don’t love you”, what kind of strong character and courage do you need to have?! On the one hand, such a statement, if it also has a ruthless and derogatory intonation, can lead to real tragedy. After all, it is at this moment that even the strongest person becomes helpless like a child. On the other hand, if you gather all your strength and convey to your opponent as tactfully as possible that reciprocity should not be expected, this will be the best and most correct decision. At the same time, you should understand that the one you reject at this moment has his whole world collapsing. The first reaction, even with the most tactful treatment, is usually: “Why is this happening to me? " and " Why am I not worthy of love? The next step will most likely be: “I will prove that I am worthy. You will also understand what you have lost.”
Psychologists are sure that the more holistic and healthy a person is, the easier it is to survive rejection, to understand that this is just a failed meeting of two hearts, to prepare yourself for a new stage of your life, in which there is no longer room for illusions and dreams, but there is a real opportunity to meet mutual love .
But the lover feels everything so acutely that even the most tactful explanation of dislike leads him to despair and can push him to the most irrational actions. Therefore, having decided to dot all the i's, be prepared for an outburst of the most violent emotions on the part of your opponent. Try to choose the right words, place and time so as not to deeply hurt the feelings of the person in love with you. But remember that it is your right not to reciprocate. Don't feel guilty that another person is suffering because of unrequited love.
"I do not love you. What else?”
Sometimes saying the words “I don’t love you” into the eyes of someone who loves you can be so difficult that it’s preferable to write a letter.
It is easier to explain everything without fear that the unhappy lover will not let you get a word in, unleashing a flurry of tears, accusations or threats. Naturally, this should not be an SMS message; you should not use email or instant messengers. It’s better to entrust your feelings (or rather, their absence in our case) and thoughts, the old fashioned way, to paper. Let's remember the classic, Tatyana Larina confessed her love to Onegin by writing a letter. In response, she also receives a letter from him, containing many reasons why they are not destined to be together, but the main motive is the lack of love:
There is no return to dreams and years; I will not renew my soul... I love you with the love of a brother And, perhaps, even more tenderly.
The love of a brother is not at all what the pure soul of a girl in love craves. Eugene's letter breaks her heart. However, later Tatyana still says:
I don’t blame you: in that terrible hour you acted nobly. You were right with me: I am grateful with all my heart.
Stay friends.
Wanting to smooth out the impression of refusal of reciprocity, some, during an explanation, propose with a fan or admirer. For me, this proposal looks strange; I sincerely don’t understand how you can see and be friends with someone who, even unwittingly, has caused enormous suffering and the collapse of hopes. But they say that such friendship is possible. If the explanation was tactful and restrained, you have common friends and interests, then over time, when passions subside, you can maintain good friendly relations. Although psychologists say that if you were able to remain friends, then you either never loved, or continue to love until now.
“We choose, we are chosen, how often this does not coincide.”
But it turns out that in addition to the fact that we can refuse love to someone, at some point we ourselves may face the same refusal.
The feeling that comes over us may well remain unanswered. What should we do when, upon confession, we ourselves hear: “I don’t love you”? Psychologists advise remembering that the oppressive feeling of uselessness, rejection and emptiness that inevitably arises after such an explanation can develop into. To prevent this from happening, try to understand that you cannot force anyone to fall in love; you should not turn the life of both the person who rejected you and your own into hell. In fact, every second person encounters a situation where love is not “for two”. If even the mention of a loved one causes pain, try to remove correspondence with him, his photographs or gifts from your sight, and do not go to places associated with painful associations. Don't be alone, meet friends, pick up a hobby, go on a trip. And remember that new horizons and new meetings are open to you. And who will definitely say in response to your confession: “I love you too.”
Question for a psychologist:
Hello! I have a problem in my relationship with my boyfriend. He's 19 and so am I. We've been dating for almost a year. The relationship has been very difficult since we met, we constantly quarrel, but we love each other very much, so we don’t break up. Over time, the quarrels became less frequent. The guy says that I suit him very well and praises me for my beauty and intelligence. He says that he won’t find one like him again, that I’m a very profitable option. He loves me very much, I can see that myself. He gives me gifts, although he saves on it (he looks cheaper or bargains with the seller). I don't mind, because... he is a student. I rarely give gifts, but they are of high quality. I often have problems with money: for travel, for the phone. When he finds out about this, he promises to help, but in the end there are only words and nothing in reality. I don’t understand why you promise something if you can’t keep your word. I don’t demand financial help from him, but I don’t need to give me empty promises either. When he is in a bad mood or is just being mischievous, I try to cheer him up. He himself told me that if I want him to be responsive to me at such moments, then I must cheer him up. But when I’m in a bad mood, he’s in no hurry to lift it up for me. I often write and call him, asking how he is doing, asking about everything. It's a shame that he doesn't show such interest in my life. He only asks: am I healthy, did I get home. Recently we quarreled over nonsense, I decided to take the first step towards reconciliation. Since he is now in another city, I wrote to him and talked online a little. Then she offered it over the phone. But he said he was tired. He offered to contact me tomorrow, I agreed. Tomorrow came, he did not write or call. I decided that if he missed me, he would call or write. But, alas, nothing. Before that, I wrote to him that I miss him. I jokingly reproached him a little for not writing this to me. To this he answered me: “well, me too, but this won’t make me arrive any faster.” It was a shame that I went to him with all my heart, that I missed him, and he answered so rudely. Usually he also writes to me that he misses me very much or something else tender and affectionate. After that we stopped communicating. He will arrive soon, but I don’t know how to behave with him. He was gone for a week. The first three days we communicated very well, and then this situation described above. Help with advice, please. I don’t like this behavior of his, I want him to treat me the same way I treat him. He says it is impossible to remake it. And I love him very much, but I can’t tolerate this attitude towards myself. What should be done in this situation? How to talk?
During the trip he could not find another one, because... he was there with his sister and her child. Therefore, there is no time for another. Yes, and he long and persistently pursued me when I refused him at the beginning of our acquaintance. Therefore, it cost him a lot of work to just exchange me for another. Thanks in advance for the advice.
