One of the most characteristic features of modern life is nothing more than an increased impact on a person of stressful situations. They, lurking, wait for him in any area of life and are always expressed differently. This could be a misunderstanding in the family, a delay in salary, a conflict with a negative salesperson in a store, a broken contract with a business partner, or some other trouble. But sometimes this is not what surprises us at all, but the fact that when they find themselves in such situations, some people instantly succumb to the influence of emotions: they resonate with a stressful situation, worry, get nervous, their mood deteriorates, etc. And others, finding themselves in similar (and even worse) conditions, seem to have long been prepared for such a development of events: they perceive everything easily and do not strain, maintain composure, and remain, if not in a positive, then at least in a neutral state. What is the difference between the two? Today we will talk about one of the psychological characteristics of a person - psychological stability.
They know how to accept defeat...
Mentally tough people know how to lose because they know that the path to success is paved with mistakes. No one has ever achieved true success without learning to accept failure gracefully. Mistakes let you know that you are on the wrong path and thus help pave the way to success. The biggest breakthroughs tend to happen when you feel like you can't do anything. It is this disappointment that prompts you to start thinking differently, looking for a solution outside of the usual framework, and finally see what you have been missing.
Focus on what you can control
I have two news for you: good and bad. The bad news is that you have virtually no control over anything.
You cannot control what other people say, do or believe. You cannot control your genes and the circumstances in which you grew up. Year of birth, cultural values imbibed, natural disasters and road accidents are all beyond your control. You cannot completely control whether you will develop cancer, diabetes, or Alzheimer's disease. You cannot control the death of loved ones. How others feel and think about you, how they see you and how they touch you. That is, almost everything in this crazy world is beyond your control.
Now the good news. What you can control is more important than anything else. These are your thoughts.
As the Buddha said, when we are hit by an arrow, we receive two wounds. The first is physical, it was caused by a tip that dug into the body. The second is our thoughts about what happened. We start to think that we don't deserve this. Wishing this never happened. And we suffer from these thoughts. Although this second wound is only mental and can be avoided.
But we often don’t strive to do this; we like to do what psychologists call Psychological Resilience, Pain Catastrophizing, and Positive Emotions: Perspectives on Comprehensive Modeling of Individual Pain Adaptation. catastrophizing pain. That is, we take some little thing - for example, someone did not agree with our opinion - and inflate it to a universal scale. In the age of social media, people do this all the time.
There are several reasons for this. Firstly, we are simply so spoiled and lazy that any inconvenience seems to us a real crisis. In addition, we receive a reward for this: sympathy, attention, a sense of self-importance. It gets to the point where for some it becomes part of their identity. We say: “I’m the kind of person who always has something crazy going on.” This is how our family and colleagues know us, this is how we see ourselves. We get used to it and even begin to defend this lifestyle.
As a result, the second wound becomes much larger and more painful than the first. Catastrophizing pain, like obsessive rumination, masks self-obsession. Relies on the belief that our experience is special and no one can understand the pain and difficulties we have endured.
Remind yourself often that you are not experiencing suffering that millions or even billions of other people have not experienced before you. Yes, you can't control your pain. But you can control how you think about her. Do you consider it insurmountable or trivial? Do you believe that you will never recover from it, or do you know that you will rise again?
...without dwelling on mistakes
The people we're talking about know that your emotional state is determined by where you focus your attention. When you dwell on your problems, you create and maintain negative emotions and stress, which reduces productivity. When you focus on what works for you, you develop a sense of personal effectiveness, which creates positive emotions and increases productivity.
Mentally stable people distance themselves from their mistakes, but do not forget about them. Keeping mistakes at a safe but achievable distance will make it easier for you to adapt to succeed later.
Become an optimist towards yourself and a pessimist towards the world around you
Marcus Aurelius, the Roman emperor and philosopher, wrote about his everyday life: “When you wake up in the morning, say to yourself: the people with whom I have to deal today will be annoying, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, envious and rude.” Try writing this down in your morning gratitude journal!
Marcus Aurelius is one of the most famous Stoic philosophers. They did not focus, as we do now, on happiness and optimism, but believed that you need to imagine the worst outcome from the situation in order to mentally prepare yourself for difficulties. Because when you prepare yourself for the worst, another development of events will be a pleasant surprise.
There is some truth in this. If we are optimistic about everything that is beyond our control, we will be doomed to suffering, because everything very often does not go according to our plan. Therefore, it is worth being a pessimist in relation to the world and an optimist in relation to your own ability to overcome obstacles. That is, thinking that life is damn hard and the world is full of crap, but I can handle it and even become a better person in the process.
And they know how not to let anyone limit their joy...
If the feeling of pleasure and satisfaction comes to you from comparing yourself with others, you are not the master of your own happiness. When mentally stable people enjoy what they do, they don't let anyone interfere with their judgment.
While it's impossible to simply tune out and not react at all to what others think of you, you shouldn't compare yourself to them, and you should always take other people's opinions with a grain of salt. Mentally tough people know that no matter what people think about them, one thing is for sure - they are not as good or as bad as others say.
Psychological stability
Psychological stability is the process of maintaining the most optimal mode of operation of the human psyche in conditions of constantly changing circumstances and their stressful effects. It is interesting that this personality trait is formed in a person during his development and is not genetically determined. It depends on factors such as a person’s nervous system, his upbringing, experience, level of development, etc. This means that, for example, if a person, as they say, “has been through a lot,” then his psyche will be much more stable than the psyche of someone who grew up “holding onto his mother’s skirt.” But this is not the final indicator yet, because a person who is constantly exposed to stressful influences will react painfully to every problem, because his nerves have become quite frayed over time. These are two sides of the same coin.
In addition, psychological stability is not a 100% guarantee of resistance to everything. Psychological stability is more the flexibility of a person’s psyche than the steadfastness and stability of his nervous system. And the fundamental characteristic of psychological stability is precisely the mobility of the psyche in constantly changing conditions. Psychological stability, just like instability, always “works” according to a pattern.
...without limiting the joy of others
Mentally resilient people do not judge others because they know that every person has something good in them, and there is no need to belittle others' achievements in order to start feeling better about themselves.
Comparing yourself to other people is limiting. Jealousy and resentment suck the life out of us; this is the best way to lose energy. Mentally stable people do not waste their time and energy on giving out grades to everyone around them, and do not worry about their place in the ranking.
Instead of wasting your energy on envy, channel that energy into gratitude. When you celebrate other people's successes, everyone benefits.
Increasing psychological resilience
The main law of increasing psychological stability is the acceptance of the fact that if a person is not able to change circumstances, then he is able to change his attitude towards them. An example would be the situation with a barking dog: walking down the street and seeing a dog barking at someone nearby, you are unlikely to get annoyed about this, but simply calmly continue your way, immersed in your thoughts, right? It’s the same with difficult situations: they should be perceived not as something that happens to the detriment of you personally, but as something that simply takes place. As soon as a person allows events to take their course, without focusing their attention on them and without reacting emotionally, they pass just like that - in their own way; pass you by. If a person begins to “cling” to everything, then this also begins to “cling” to him. If you run to yell and insult a barking dog in every possible way, the likelihood that you will become the object of its close attention increases significantly. Of course, this is just one way. And it is not universal.
Increasing psychological stability is directly influenced by the conditions in which a person lives. For example, if a person by nature has a reactive type of nervous activity, i.e. he likes an intense lifestyle, frequent changes of environment, increased activity, etc., then, most likely, he will not be comfortable living in a small town or sitting in one place in the office without the opportunity to splash out his energy. In order for a person’s psyche to be more stable, it is necessary that his lifestyle correspond to his natural predispositions.
Systematic unloading of the nervous system is another way to increase your psychological stability. Constant pressure and doing something you don’t really love (which, by the way, is a striking feature of many people’s work) have an extremely negative impact on the human psyche. This makes him irritable, nervous, and constantly tired. Only proper rest can affect this. You need to regularly devote time to doing your favorite things, traveling outside the city, relaxing reading books, in general, doing everything that you really want to do. Or you can do nothing at all - just relax and relieve stress.
A person’s cultivation of a philosophical attitude towards life has a very good effect on psychological stability. A person’s mental health is closely interconnected with such personality traits as humor, positive thinking, the ability to laugh at oneself, and self-criticism. Only if a person can look at the events that are happening and at himself without excessive seriousness, without considering himself the “center of the Universe” and the one to whom life or someone else owes something, only then everything that happens will not seem so painful and will stop constantly touch a nerve.
Another effective method for building psychological resilience is a positive self-image. What is meant here is that a person must cultivate a positive attitude towards his personality, accept himself as he is, and be a positive and positive character for himself. But you need to be careful not to cross the line that leads to self-pity and perceiving the world from the position of a victim, otherwise psychological instability will only worsen.
In close proximity to a positive self-image is a person’s inner integrity. This question is worthy of writing a separate book, but, in short, a person must, firstly, live in harmony with himself, his principles, beliefs and worldview. Secondly, he should do what he likes: work, sports, recreation, communication - everything should be in maximum accordance with the person’s vision. Thirdly, he must strive for self-development and spiritual self-improvement, because this has a direct constructive impact on both a person’s personality and his life.
If we ask ourselves about the formation of psychological stability in more detail, we can note that a person should pay attention to the following components of his life:
- Social environment and immediate surroundings
- Self-esteem and attitude towards oneself
- Self-realization and self-expression
- Independence and self-sufficiency
- Correspondence between the present self and the desired self
- Faith and spirituality
- Having positive emotions
- Having meaning in life and determination, etc. and so on.
Naturally, only a part of those factors that have a positive effect on psychological stability are listed here. The presence and development of them in the life of any person will have a huge impact on his worldview, behavior, development, activity, mental state and mood. Their absence, on the contrary, has the opposite effect and contributes to psychological instability.
Of course, in order to learn to support all this, you need to purposefully activate every structure of your personality and always remember your goal - the development of psychological stability. However, despite the apparent complexity of this process, it has invaluable practical significance, because It is psychological stability that can give any person a state of satisfaction with life and a sense of harmony, normalize the psyche and increase performance, give new incentives, peace of mind and the ability to become a whole and strong person.
Write in the comments about how you improve your mental toughness, what helps you stay positive, and what you do when everything seems to be going wrong. We'd love to hear your thoughts on this!
We also recommend reading:
- Storytelling
- Resilience: The Seven Day Challenge
- Emotional and psychological trauma
- Psychological picture
- Mastery of Self-Control
- Psychological intervention
- Coping strategies as a way to deal with stress
- Mental toughness: what it is and how to develop it
- How to become more resilient
- Human attention: what it is and how it works
- “I-concept”: characteristics, features, meaning
Key words:1Psychoregulation
They keep themselves in shape
A study conducted at the Eastern Ontario Institute found that people who exercised twice a week for 10 weeks felt more competent socially and intellectually. They also rated their body condition and self-esteem much higher. The most interesting thing is that the increase in self-confidence - the key to mental stability - was not caused by physical changes in the body: it was the immediate effect of endorphins that are produced during exercise.
They have a habit of getting enough sleep
It is difficult to overestimate the impact of sleep on mental stability. When we sleep, the brain neutralizes toxic proteins, byproducts of nervous activity. Unfortunately, it can only do this effectively while you sleep, so if you don't get enough sleep, toxic proteins remain in your brain cells, wreaking havoc and impairing your ability to think. And no amount of coffee will help here.
Mentally resilient people know that if they don't sleep enough—or sleep improperly—their self-control, attention, and memory decline; therefore, sleep quality becomes a priority.
Find your inner masochist
As much as we want to feel good all the time, a small part of us likes pain and suffering. Because by overcoming them, we feel that our life has meaning. The most important moments in life that define us are often the most unpleasant: the proximity of death, the loss of loved ones, divorces and separations, victory in a painful battle or overcoming a difficult trial. It is through experiencing difficulties that we grow and change, and when we look back, we even feel grateful for them.
This happened to me too. I remember starting my business in 2008 and working 12, 14, 16 hours a day. I remember how I fell asleep lying with the laptop on my stomach, and in the morning I immediately went to work.
At first I worked so hard out of fear and necessity. I was broke, the economy was below par, I had nowhere to go. I lived on my friends’ couch, then my girlfriend supported me. Most months I couldn't help with rent. Sometimes I didn't have money for food. But I was determined that if I failed, it wouldn't be for lack of trying. Over time, these crazy working hours became the norm.
Then I realized that I had unintentionally developed a superpower in myself.
I remember a few years later, when my friends and I were renting a coworking house on the beach, I noticed that I was the first to get up and the last to turn off my computer at night. I worked on weekends and holidays without even knowing they were weekends and holidays. Over time it has become something that makes me proud, a part of my identity that I enjoy indulging.
Of course, workaholism has its downsides, and now I have learned to turn it on and off as needed. But I still get some kind of perverse pleasure from it and am still proud that I can work all weekend.
We all have that inner masochist. In athletes it manifests itself when they test the limits of their physical capabilities, in scientists when they obsessively analyze data, in soldiers and police officers when they risk themselves for the sake of others. When is yours? What pains do you enjoy? And how can you use this to your advantage during life’s difficulties?
