How to break up with a married man? A ringed man, like a spider, lures young beauties into his own web, completely absorbing them. After all, young ladies give preference to experienced and mature partners, serious, successful and capable of placing responsibility on themselves for everything that happens to them in life. In addition, a married male seems to have a quality mark. Since he was chosen to create a marriage union, then he deserves it. However, an affair with a “married man”, if you remove the moral aspect, then in addition to pleasure it is fraught with pain and disappointment. After all, it is a very rare man who will dare to break family ties for the sake of his mistress.
Often, affairs with unfree partners end in nothing or a depressive state. And therefore, as soon as the scales fell from our eyes and the understanding dawned that the “married man” was content with living a lie, that he was not going to leave his family, it was necessary to urgently stop all interaction with him.
How to get ready for a breakup: advice from psychologists
It is important to understand that there is no painless way; healing mental wounds will still take time.
A mistress who has decided to get rid of addiction must understand that another woman exists not only in a man’s stories. She is a very real person, forced to live in deception. Does the lover have a reason to be proud of such a relationship? Does she respect a man who leads a double life and does not spare the feelings of two women at once?
Many married men cite discord with their spouse, whose divorce is prevented by habit or common children. In all these excuses, the mistress sees the hope that one day her beloved will get divorced and will belong to her completely.
It is worth looking back at the experience of generations and understanding that a person who wants to get a divorce will get a divorce without excuses or delays. Words spoken in the heat of passion often turn out to be empty chatter.
The novelty of feelings and the opportunity to feel needed by both his wife and his mistress are what attracts a man to such a life. The decision to break up remains with the woman, since the lover is completely satisfied with the situation.
Conversation5
- Choose a time and place that is convenient for both of you. It should be just the two of you. A quiet and cozy cafe, a park - choose the location at your discretion. Let this be neutral territory. You don't need to meet at his home or somewhere you feel uncomfortable.
If you don't know what reaction to expect from a man, choose a crowded place.
- Try to stay calm. Speak confidently and firmly.
- You can start the conversation with what doesn't suit you in your relationship. Emphasize that this format does not suit you, and you no longer agree to live as before.
- If a man tries to convince you, stand your ground. Don’t be fooled by his persuasion and oath promises to leave his wife. Especially if he has used this tactic before.
- Be firm in your intention. If you yourself are not sure that you really want to break up, you will not be able to convince a man of this. He will put pressure on you, you will break, and your relationship will continue.
- Don't answer his messages and calls. There is a high probability that he will promise you to leave his wife, put pressure on you to feel guilty, and use various manipulations. There is no turning back.
Did he leave his wife?
No?
Adios.
Which is better to leave: quickly or slowly?
It is important to understand that there is no painless way; it will still take time to heal mental wounds.
Once you decide to break up, you need to start taking action right away.
It is worth considering your temperament when choosing a method, so as not to break down.
A quick way to end a relationship in 2 days
Once you decide to break up, you need to start taking action right away. You should not give a chance to once again promise a beautiful future, or listen to empty assurances. You need to part in such a way that the person will never meet you on the way again and will not interfere with your life in peace.
It is best to talk frankly with your lover. Explain to him your position, speak detachedly and emphatically politely. Quarrels and scandals will lead to aggression on the part of a man and unnecessary stress, so you can avoid a personal conversation and resolve the issue with a phone call.
After such a conversation, all contacts should be stopped. No correspondence, calls, meetings. If you have to meet at work or in a common company, you should limit yourself to short remarks and rare polite addresses. It is best to completely eliminate it from your life, albeit with the help of drastic changes.
You should not be afraid of being fired or changing your social circle.
If a married lover does not give up trying to achieve a conversation or meeting, then complete ignorance will sooner or later make him understand the seriousness of the decision made.
He will switch to his family or go to conquer new available girls.
Preparation4
- Enlist the support of your loved ones (this man is no longer one of them). If you’re not ready to tell your secret to friends and relatives, it doesn’t matter.
Just start spending more time with them. Enjoy being with people who truly love you. Charge yourself with this energy.
Let time with your loved ones remind you that the light did not fall like a wedge on this man. Even without him, you still have people who are truly valuable to you.
- Do you have a close friend or relative to whom you could vent? Do it. It will become much easier for you. After months (or years) of secrets and lies, you will feel a huge sense of relief. Tell about your intention to break up with the man. Get support. You will again be convinced of the correctness of your decision.
- No one to talk to? This is not a reason to keep everything to yourself. Write down your feelings and emotions in a diary or blog. Should I keep my posts private or make them public? At your discretion. On a thematic forum you can exchange experiences with other women who find themselves in the same situation.
- Take time for yourself. Be selfish. Remember your needs and desires. Self-care, healthy sleep, sports or meditation - start giving yourself as much love as you gave to a man.
- Find yourself a new hobby, set yourself a new goal related to work or study. This will help you get through the breakup with minimal losses.
Practical advice
Psychologists give a number of recommendations for getting out of this situation.
Take a sober look at the situation
It is unlikely that a woman has a conscious desire to become the mistress of a married man. Everyone dreams of sincere love, a happy family, common friends and hobbies. A woman in love wants to be proud of her chosen one, tell her friends about him, be confident in the future and feel protected.
Continuing meetings means agreeing to a threesome relationship
Someone else's husband cannot give a woman any of the above. Most often, relationships are based on flaring passion and end in a painful breakup.
A man prone to cheating will not attach much importance to the feelings of his new lover, and for a woman such an affair can result in psychological trauma and leave a heavy mark.
Meetings with a married lover are always like a first date. They take place on neutral territory, accompanied by gifts and beautiful gestures. A woman gets used to such manifestations of affection and does not think that sharing life with a man is a completely different matter. This role has already been assigned to the wife, whose expectations are also deceived.
Continuing to meet means agreeing to a threesome relationship. They will always contain the image of the wife, her calls, the man’s lies. You will have to come to terms with the fact that your loved one spends his nights with another woman and has sex with her. This is not so easy to realize.
Change your behavior
Mistresses do not cease to be faithful women; they remain faithful to their partner, forgetting that his life is not limited to one lady of his heart.
You will have to come to terms with the fact that your loved one spends his nights with another woman and has sex with her.
When leaving, the man continues his busy life, playing the role of a family man and faithful spouse. And the mistress wastes her days and nights, waiting for the next appointment of a secret meeting.
Or maybe...?2
What if he still leaves her? I love him so much, we feel so good together.
What if I don’t love anyone like that again?
What if I can’t find anyone else?
But what if?
How strong is our faith in miracles!
There is a chance that you will be together.
But!
Let's add a little (blatant lie, actually a lot) ointment to the ointment:
- He may decide to divorce for a long time. And when we say “a long time,” we don’t mean months or even years.
And decades.
Think about it. Decades of lonely evenings, New Years hugging a bottle of champagne and the president’s speech. Decades of secret dates and asking your parents when you'll introduce your boyfriend to them. Decades of pain, jealousy and agonizing waiting.
- Life is in his rhythm. You will go on dates and go on vacation when it is convenient for him. You'll miss your friend's wedding and your parents' wedding anniversary. You will cancel your business trip or even refuse to move abroad. And all for the sake of being with him. After kissing you goodbye, he will return to his wife and go to bed with her.
- To everyone who is familiar with your situation, you will be a homewrecker. The bitch who ruined someone else's family and left the children without a dad.
Still thinking about continuing this relationship?
Then here is the last argument for you - more than 70% of men return to their wives after some time. Considering the fact that most of them, in principle, do not leave their wives, these 30% are a pathetic bunch of renegades. Two and a half diggers.
Why do they return to their wives? Yes, because their rose-colored glasses fall off. The mistress turns into a wife and begins to download her license. Everything is already clear with my wife. You know how to calm her down and how to appease her. But with this new girl, not a damn thing is clear. Why should I go into all this?
No, dear, I'm going back to my wife.
How to get over a breakup if you're still in love
After a breakup, there will be a period of doubt. Feelings do not disappear quickly, so worries, sadness and longing for a loved one will definitely come to a woman. How to cope with emotions?
Be alone
A bad breakup requires a lot of strength and energy. Usually after a breakup people feel devastated. The woman no longer has anyone to occupy her thoughts; she does not feel her former support.
It's completely normal to spend a few days alone. Cry without being embarrassed by anyone, get some sleep. This period will put your thoughts in order and relieve you of the first and most difficult emotions.
Breaking the rules: why is it exciting?
No conversation about relationships can avoid the sensitive topic of rules and our more than human desire to break them. Priya may be scared that she is sidelining her marriage. But this is precisely the appeal of breaking the rules - we like to risk what is most precious to us. Knowing full well about the existence of gravity, we dream of flying. This can lead to either transformation or destruction, and sometimes they are inseparable from each other.
Priya often feels like she has become a walking contradiction: alternately horrified by her own recklessness and delighted by her audacity, while simultaneously fearing exposure and not feeling strong enough (or simply unwilling) to end the affair. Surely neuroscientists would say that in everyday life she follows the rational commands of her frontal lobe, while romance is entirely the responsibility of her limbic system.
The desire to break rules is in a person’s blood. Moreover, as many of us remember from childhood, hiding, hiding, behaving badly and being afraid of exposure is very interesting, especially if you then get away with it. In adult life, all this sometimes becomes a powerful aphrodisiac.
Sexologist Jack Morin's famous "erotic equation" states: "Attraction plus obstacles equals arousal." He explains that we are especially aroused when we are a little off balance, feeling insecure, “finding ourselves on the fine line between ecstasy and disaster.”
This helps us understand why people in happy, stable relationships are also attracted to the opportunity to break the rules. Priya is tormented by the question: what if, just once, I act as if the rules don’t apply to me?
The role of temperament during a breakup
Temperament influences behavior in different life situations.
Each type has features:
- Choleric people approach relationships pragmatically and do not consider creating a family their main goal. They study a potential partner for a long time, looking for similarities in interests and outlook on life. Such people rarely fall in love, but they leave the relationship quite painfully and become strongly attached; due to frequent changes in mood, they are able to abruptly break off ties, even if they regret it.
- Sanguine people primarily look for a friend in a partner and strive for variety; they tend to fall in love often. They do not strive for constant control over their chosen one, they are generous with attention, and love to give gifts. Feeling discomfort in a relationship, sanguine people quickly pull away and easily leave.
- Phlegmatic people see their partner as a helper and choose with their mind, not their heart. They seek traditional relationships and predictability, value accepted moral principles highly, take relationships seriously, and are slow to let people approach you. Phlegmatic people leave after carefully weighing all the pros and cons and justifying the decision.
- Melancholic people are the most sensitive of all types. These people value romance, devote themselves completely to new relationships, become emotionally attached to their partner, and make sacrifices and concessions. They idealize their partners, have high expectations and are often disappointed, and they endure separation hard, do not let go of feelings for a long time and cannot hide them.
Issues
In a long-term relationship between a woman and a man burdened with a family, the woman begins to have many destructive thoughts in her head. A woman constantly asks herself:
“If he says he loves me, then why doesn’t he leave his family?”, “What’s wrong with me?”, “Why is he deceiving me?”
This provokes internal struggle. At the initial stage, the woman realizes that her lover is deceiving not only her, but also his family. He understands that most likely he will never leave his legal wife.
Then, when she becomes unbearable from understanding the current situation, the time comes for internal contradictions and struggle with the thoughts that torment her. A woman begins to look for excuses for a man’s actions, or evidence that they have a real serious relationship, and not a banal affair.
This problem can only be solved in a positive way. In fact, this is difficult to do, because a woman in such a relationship is in a state of constant stress. On the one hand, there is a loved one, and on the other, she constantly thinks about how she can get out of this relationship, how she can part with her lover.
If there are feelings, and not just material or career interests, this is much more difficult to do. This is due to the fact that after a breakup you will be drawn to the person and you will need to hide your desires, even from yourself.
Confess to your husband about cheating or keep a secret
Our conversations helped Priya shed light on the complex picture of her situation. She was glad that we didn't have to pick apart her relationship with Colin. But having accepted full responsibility for the betrayal, she was filled with guilt.
“The last thing in the world I want to do is harm him.” If he finds out about everything, it will break him. He will never believe that this has nothing to do with him.
Priya found herself at a crossroads. She could have confessed to her husband that she had cheated on her, and then dealt with the consequences, as many would have advised her to do. She could also end the affair and keep everything a secret, hoping that her husband would never find out about anything. Or she could continue to lead a double life.
The first option didn't appeal to me. Although I do not accept lying, exposing the betrayal would inevitably lead to a paradigm shift. A story of self-discovery would become a story of betrayal. In my opinion, this could hardly help them.
What about the second option - quietly ending the affair? Priya tried to do this several times: she deleted his phone, returned home a different way, leaving the children at school, told herself that all this was wrong. But self-imposed restrictions invariably became new rules that she was tempted to break. Three days later, his number appeared on her phone again, recorded under a false name.
As for the third option, Priya's suffering grew in proportion to the risks. The secret tormented her. She was scared in every movie theater and in every hidden parking lot. Given all this, I was hoping to push her towards the fourth option.
She was basically telling me, “I should end this, but I don’t want to.” I saw, although she did not yet understand it, that Priya was afraid of losing not him, but the part of herself that he had awakened.
“You seem to have started a relationship with the owner of the pickup truck,” I told her. “But in fact, through him you were able to establish close contact with yourself.
To help people get out of their own affairs, it is very important to show them where the line is between the person and the experience. The affair will end, but the memories of it will remain forever.
“I don’t expect you to believe me right away, but you can end the relationship and keep everything it gave you,” I said. — You felt a surge of energy again, returned to your youth. I know you feel like leaving him will cut you off from all of this, but I want you to know that over time you will discover that some of this lives inside of you.
Astrologer's tips: how to break up with a man, taking into account his zodiac sign
Of course, you can’t comb all Taurus, Sagittarius and Virgo with the same brush, but common character traits among representatives of the same sign are often found. If you are interested in astrology, you can try to build a break with a man, relying on the advice of the stars.
Who will we leave behind?
- Aries. Having experienced the first shock of the thought that it was His! - rejected, Aries will very quickly move from love to open hostility. In order not to provoke him into hostilities, try to avoid phrases that infringe on the dignity of Aries. No one is to blame for your breakup, everything was wonderful, but such is fate.
- Taurus. The offended Taurus leaves after parting into the sunset, where he devotes several days to thinking about how smart, handsome and magnificent he is, wondering how this could not be appreciated. You can play along with him as you leave by dropping the phrase “I’m not worthy of you.” Taurus will understand, agree and calm down.
- Gemini. You don't have to worry too much about them. Usually they drown out painful emotions from the breakup by plunging into social life, where they very soon begin to look for a new girlfriend. And the complete opposite of you.
Cancer may flare up upon hearing unpleasant news - Cancer. Hard case. Cancers do not know how to be abandoned at all, appealing to the memory of the past, threatening suicide and promising to improve. Here, more than in any other case, it is appropriate to express your desire to break up on paper, then swallow the SIM card, cut the Internet cable and lie down on the warm sand somewhere by the ocean.
- Leo. When parting, not only Leo’s tender feelings are trampled, but also his pride. After suffering alone for some time, he will begin to plan revenge, but his innate nobility will force him to abandon this idea. So your only task is not to go too far, reaching the point of insults.
- Virgo. Parting with Virgo requires special delicacy; too often representatives of this sign blame themselves for everything. Emphasize 3-4 times during the conversation: it’s not about your partner, you would be happy to stay with him under other circumstances, but, alas...
- Scales. They fall deeply in love. If you sincerely want the best for your partner, remind him what a wonderful woman he is married to, and how ugly it was for both of you to deceive her. Emphasize especially the sense of decency.
- Scorpio. Complex object. If possible, break up with him through a letter or in a crowded cafe, where your interlocutor will be less likely to make a scene. And after breaking up with Scorpio, go on the run: to the sea, to the village, to a friend living in a neighboring town. This will give your ex time to cool down and calm down, because in a rage he may continue to pursue you and plot your intrigues.
- Sagittarius. Perhaps one of the easiest options is to break up without unnecessary worries. Just be calm, conduct the conversation judiciously, avoid accusations, and it is quite possible that in the end, along with a farewell kiss, your hands will say: “Thank you, dear, for everything that happened!”
It's easiest to stay friends with a Sagittarius - Capricorn does not like to advertise his feelings, so he is unlikely to allow you to look into his soul when breaking up. As a rule, everything goes smoothly, restrainedly, almost coldly with him, after which Capricorn plunges into work, healing the wounds he received.
- Aquarius reacts to the proposal to break up in almost the same way as Capricorn. Clearly explain to him the reasons for your separation and step aside, he will not cause you additional problems. Although deep down he will be worried, so spare his feelings, be gentle and choose your words carefully.
- Pisces think for a long time about the reasons for the breakup, so don’t be surprised by sudden night calls with the question: “I understand, you didn’t like this? Or maybe that?” You can talk a couple of times, but there is not much point in this, the Pisces man will not calm down so quickly. There is only one way out - a blacklist.
What to do next?
In order not to get depressed, it is important to abstract yourself from sad thoughts in time. Various activities can help with this:
- Focus on your career . It's time to make your dreams of successful professional self-realization come true.
- Get creative . This is the most effective way to get rid of sad thoughts, which also helps to identify your hidden talents.
- Chat with friends . New acquaintances, noisy meetings and cheerful companies are the best cure for the blues.
You should not immediately seek solace in the arms of another man. This will only bring a short-term calming effect and unnecessary familiarity, which, moreover, may turn out to be similar to past experience.
Prerequisites for saying goodbye
Relationships with a married adult man most often lead to failure and loss of time. When should you leave such a lover?
READ How to understand that a girl has stopped loving you: the main signs
There are several reasons that force women to do such an act:
- Loss of trust in a partner;
- Rudeness and humiliation;
- Lies about leaving your wife;
- Different views on life and goals;
- Psychological or physical violence;
- Lack of a shared future;
- Partner's addictions;
- Boredom, lack of feelings.
These are the main prerequisites that force women to leave men and begin to build a different life, in which everything will be different. Very often, after a woman breaks up with a married and beloved man, there remains a deep emotional connection between them, which can only be dealt with on a psychological level.
READ How to tell a guy that we are breaking up: a breakup without scandal or resentment
Why are married men attractive?
A man living in a family is always clean and well-groomed. He is calm, he demands less and gives more, because the second relationship matters less to him, and he knows that this is not forever. He is more inventive, with his mistress he has access to those desires that in family life for some reason he is forced to suppress.
A woman dating a married man gets the feeling of winning over another woman. Love with an unfree man is perceived as a reward; there is no place for obligations and responsibility. The woman also realizes that this will not last forever and gives herself free rein to realize her desires and fantasies.
