Psychology of family life: healing relationships

In this article we will tell you:

1. Functions and tasks of the family
2. 7 stages of family life
3. 3 levels in the psychology of family life
4. Factors influencing the psychology of family life
5. Crises in the psychology of family life
6. Determining readiness for family life
7. Signs of a quality family life from a psychological point of view
8. Astrology of family life

Marriage, family and love are eternal topics, so the psychology of family life interests many people. There is hardly a person who would not want a harmonious relationship, a long life together, where there is no place for reproaches, quarrels and disagreements. But the reality is that desire alone is not enough; it is necessary to take specific actions to achieve this goal.

Despite the fact that each person is individual and brings part of his personality into relationships, psychologists still identify positive and negative factors that are common to any family. In our article we will tell you how to make your marriage happier, what recommendations psychologists give and how astrology can help with this.

Functions and tasks of the family

Before creating a social unit, each person thinks about whether he needs a family, the main function of which is to accelerate the development of spouses in the spiritual plane. If a husband and wife are at approximately the same level of development and also have certain knowledge, then during their intimacy an exchange of vital energy occurs. In this way they enrich each other. This exchange is love, which allows a person to develop. If such a movement does not occur, then the essence of both men and women develops much more slowly.

However, this does not at all mean that you need to have sex all day long; this will result in no further development. In addition, too frequent intimacy can even be harmful, including for health, since each of the partners loses a lot of vital energy at this time.

It must be remembered that a person, unlike animals who are not able to control their instincts, must adhere to certain frameworks that allow them to be happy and healthy. To fully develop in terms of evolution and maintain creative potential at a high level, it is enough to exchange energy several times a month.

The first person to touch upon the topic of the psychology of family relationships in his books was Nikolai Levashov.

An equally important function of the family is the birth and upbringing of intelligent and harmonious children, which will be discussed below.

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The family is a form of life created by the human mind for more effective and rapid development of both society as a whole and individuals. Here it becomes possible to raise children in such a way that they grow up to be developed, more advanced individuals than their parents.

In addition, it should be noted that a person’s behavior in and without a family is significantly different. In the first case, new life experience and knowledge are acquired. In addition, responsibilities and worries appear. All this has a beneficial effect on the mind, brain and intelligence in terms of their development.

What does a man invest in a relationship and what does a woman invest?

Each family member contributes to a happy life. It doesn't matter who invested more and who invested less. Relationships are always the work of two people, which can lead to pleasure and satisfaction of all needs.

What “grain” does a man bring into a relationship?

• A man is the main breadwinner for his family.
• Heavy household duties for men.
• He protects and protects the family from difficulties.
• Loyalty and honesty.
• Respect for a woman, the mother of her children.
• Participation in raising children.
• Support and support.
• Strength, masculinity,

The “grain” of women’s contribution:

• Household duties.
• Taking care of your appearance.
• Taking care of children.
• Support and gratitude.
• Wisdom and understanding.
• Feminine energy.
• Development and implementation.

These are the basic responsibilities of both parties. The list is supplemented by the couple depending on their preferences and views on relationships.

Factors influencing the psychology of family life

According to researchers in the psychology of family life, the causes of conflicts affecting relationships in marriage are:

• Psychological characteristics of partners, which often becomes the cause of a breakup.
• Poor relationships between parents that husband and wife observed in childhood.
• Everyday problems, for example, living with parents who interfere in the lives of young people or constantly wandering around rented apartments.
• Abuse of bad habits by one of the partners, for example, alcohol.
• The appearance of a child in the family, which leads to a number of difficulties, or, conversely, the absence of children, which does not suit the spouses or one of them.
• Life situations that caused the marriage, for example, an unplanned pregnancy.
• There are too many household or work responsibilities that lead to overwork and no energy left for family life.
• Circumstances that do not suit one of the partners (permanent business trips for a long time).
• Unfulfilled high expectations.

Based on this, the following types of marriage can be distinguished:

The occurrence of a crisis is associated with the type of marriage, and the psychology of family life helps spouses cope with this difficult period, minimizing losses.

Relationships between children and parents

Procreation is an instinct a priori inherent in every person. Simply having children is not difficult for most, but it is also desirable to raise them to be sensible, worthy individuals. This is where certain problems begin. Intrafamily relationships between parents and children consist largely of the latter’s upbringing. Let's consider what unfavorable relationships in a family can be between spouses and a child:

1. Overprotection. Too obvious prohibitions and total control over every step of the child make him lacking initiative and lacking self-confidence. He gets used to the fact that all problems are solved without his participation, so in the future he may remain fearful and will not be able to stand up for himself. It is also possible for a teenager to rebel and, in trying to escape oppression, he can forever destroy his relationship with his parents.
2. Complete lack of control. Many parents forget about their responsibilities, being overwhelmed with work or building their personal lives. Inattention to your child can have a negative impact on his future life, because the street will become his teacher.
3. The child is the idol of the parents. People who have been waiting for continuation of the family love to raise an egoist from their offspring. Remember that children whose parents admire them endlessly usually do not appreciate it. In the future, it will be difficult for them to get along with their egocentrism in a team, and in marriage - to learn to give, and not just take.
4. Emotional coldness towards your child. Every baby needs the feeling of being loved. The child acutely feels indifference. Growing up in such an atmosphere contributes to the emergence of neuroses and anger in the future.
5. Trying to justify your unfulfilled dreams. Sometimes parents try to raise their child to become a child prodigy or a sports star. Moreover, the child has quite ordinary abilities. This discrepancy between reality and expectations makes his personality unstable, and self-doubt will accompany him for the rest of his life.

Remember that the main thing in any business is to know when to stop. Only the golden mean between carrot and stick and sincere love will help in raising a child. Family relationships between parents and children will become favorable when both parties respect each other and experience mutual trust. To get to know the rich inner world of the younger generation, you do not need to constantly dictate conditions and punish the child. What kind of relationships can there be in a family in which children are not allowed to speak? A serious conversation on equal terms will have a much greater impact on a child’s opinion than threats and prohibitions. Share your own experiences, think back to your younger self, and relate the memories to current events in your children's lives. This way you will get closer and find a common language.

Crises in the psychology of family life

In the psychology of family life, in each period of a relationship there is a peak when most marriages break up:

• 1 year;
• 3 years;
• 7 years;
• 10 years;
• 15 years;
• 20 years;
• 25 years.

Problems, as well as methods for solving them, are different in each individual case. Thus, what will help cope with a crisis in the first year of marriage will not give any results in a deadlock situation after 10 years of marriage.

If we talk about how long each period lasts, it is difficult to give exact dates. It all depends on the behavior patterns of the spouses and their character. Some are ready to wait for several months without trying to cope with the current situation, while others, due to their temper, cut the Gordian knot right away. However, most often it takes about 6–12 months for a conflict to mature.

There are only two ways out of a crisis situation

:

1. The marriage survives (constructive).
2. The union falls apart (destructive).

It is worth noting that now a constructive way out of the crisis cannot always be considered positive, since it happens that spouses decide to maintain the union only for the sake of their common child, so as not to traumatize his psyche. However, as a result, everyone is unhappy, the husband and wife can hardly tolerate each other, and they take their anger out on the child, for whose sake the relationship was maintained. It all ends with psychological trauma occurring for everyone.

Our society thrives on strong families

Our family teaches us how to function in the world. She must provide love and warmth to all family members. A strong family provides its members with the support they need to get through life's most difficult times.

Strong families have good communication

Strong families have open lines of communication—where all family members feel heard and respected. One of the best ways to strengthen your family is to improve your listening skills and those of other family members. Until we hear each other, we will not be able to build strong relationships.

To build strong family relationships, listen carefully to each other

• Give this person your full attention, turn off the TV, or put aside what you are doing.
• Focus on what the person is telling you rather than thinking about your reaction or reaction to what is being said. (There will be time for this.)
• Listen to how the other person is feeling and tell them what they said and how they feel. “I heard you say that you don’t like your sister. You look pretty crazy. Something happened?
• Don't give in to the advice or your reaction until you are sure you fully understand what the person was telling you.
• When speaking, use “I” messages rather than “You” messages.

Messages are more complex because they require us to be clear about our own thoughts and feelings. They do, however, increase the chances of our message being heard and decrease the chances of a fight starting.

1. “I don’t like all these fights. It upsets me that you two don’t get along.” Instead of... “What happened to you two? You're driving me crazy! Can't you two get along?"
2. Teach everyone in your family to speak with “I” messages as much as possible. -I feel…. (upset) when I see you (playing video games before finishing my homework).
3. “You” messages should be encouraged because they often lead to bad feelings and more fighting. — “You” messages rarely solve the problem.
4. Encourage all family members to share their thoughts and feelings.

Strong families allow all family members—no matter how young or small—to talk about their thoughts and feelings. This does not mean that members do not respect each other, but rather that they respect feelings and ideas.

Everyone should express themselves in an appropriate way—for example, through “I” messages. When people feel heard and respected, they feel better, are more open to problem solving, and are more likely to allow others to express themselves.

( Also read : How to build relationships: 7 rules).

Strong families spend time together

In today's busy world, it can be difficult for families to find time to be together. All relationships require attention - and this applies to the family as a whole.

Family rituals can offer families a specific time to come together and give each other the attention they need. A family ritual is simply a time set aside regularly for families to get together. This could mean having dinner together, celebrating a holiday together, going to church together, or going on a walk together. It is important that the family ritual is predictable and that other activities do not disrupt it.

Family rituals help define who we are as a family. This allows families to come together, share experiences and reconnect with each other. Knowing that family will spend time together can help us cope with those times when we are apart. Even if the parents may be working, the kids can know that every evening, every weekend (or whenever it works for your family) they will have some "special time" with you.

Every child is special and every child needs attention when he can have his parent to himself.

Giving your child "special time" helps develop a close relationship with your child. If you can make this a predictable ritual, your child can depend on it—and look forward to this time with you. Be sure that this “special time” cannot be easily interrupted by other activities. For example, do not answer calls during this time.

Let your child help you decide how to spend this time. You can read books, sing songs, go for walks, play games - or whatever your child likes. The more “special time” you can spend with your child, the stronger your relationship will be.

( Also read : Stages of relationships between a man and a woman).

Look for opportunities to build trust with your child

While making time for your child is important, also look for small moments that you can use to connect with your child. Researchers say that spending frequent, short periods of time (as little as 1-2 minutes) engaged in a child's preferred activities is one of the most powerful things parents can do. You can make up stories together while doing household chores, talk about problems on the way to the grocery store, read books together while waiting for lunch to finish. We often think we have to wait for our “special time,” but all these little moments help us stay connected between more scheduled times.

Strong families deal with their conflict fairly

In all families, conflict is a natural part of human relationships. Strong families can work through things they disagree about by focusing on the issues rather than tearing each other down.

Keys to a fair fight

Focus on the behavior or problem. Use “I” messages to express your thoughts and feelings about an issue. For example, if you and your child are arguing about sleep. You might say, “I get angry when you continue to argue with me even after I told you my decision. I want you to go to bed now." Instead of “You never listen to me. Go to sleep now or I will spank you.”

Stay focused on the real problem. Don't bring up old issues. This only distracts from the real issue. You can discuss them later.

Respect each other's right to safety. Quarrels should never become violent. When people are so angry that they want to hit each other or throw something, call for a while. Agree to get together to talk again after everyone has had a chance to calm down.

Use your problem-solving skills to find new solutions to a problem and teach your children to think about ways to resolve conflicts. It's no use fighting for something that doesn't work. Instead, focus on what has worked in the past or what could work now.

Regarding sleep problems, you might say, “I'm tired of constantly arguing with you about how you go to sleep. Let's come up with some new ways you can go to bed without all this hassle." Then you and your child could think of some solutions and decide which one to try. The more you include your child, the better problem solver he will be—and the more likely he will be to follow through.

Strong families develop trust

Strong, healthy families recognize the importance of developing trust. Trust is the glue that holds a relationship together.

Here are some ways to build trust in your family:

1. Give your child the opportunity to earn trust. Let him do small tasks around the house and praise him for doing them on his own.
2. Show your child that you can be trusted. Children need to know that they can count on what their parents say. Do what you promise to do.
3. Let the people in your family make corrections. We all make mistakes. Teach your child to forgive and allow himself to forgive others. Holding on to past wounds only hurts us.
4. Learn to say "I'm sorry." Taking responsibility for our good and bad behavior is very important. It helps develop trust. People learn to believe that they can be loved even if they are not perfect.

( Also read: How to survive a breakup with your loved one?).

Determining readiness for family life

Before entering into an official marriage, partners should study the ethics and psychology of family life, and for this you can read the relevant literature or consult a specialist. This will allow you to avoid making mistakes that many make in a legal union, and also make sure that you are really ready for this serious step. You need to understand that to create a harmonious and functional union, it is not enough to simply reach puberty.

In the psychology of family life, there are three criteria for the maturity of a couple to enter into a marriage. These include:

• maturity mental, physical;
• social maturity;
• readiness for marriage, ethical and psychological.

A person who is mature at the mental level is able to look at things soberly, can be self-aware, and knows how to build relationships with others. Potential spouses must understand the need to provide mutual assistance, as well as to separate material and everyday problems.

If we talk about social maturity, then it testifies to a person’s education, the ability to provide not only for himself, but also for the family that he created. To do this, he must have a stable job.

The readiness of the spouses at the psychological level is characterized by awareness of the concept of “we”. It lies in the fact that the husband and wife begin to have common interests, they begin to relate to parenthood in the same way, and their perception of spiritual values ​​also becomes the same for both of them. However, you need to understand that the personal “I” of the partners in this case should not be violated either.

The basics of the psychology of family life help to get rid of the conclusion of ill-considered marriages, as well as those created by partners who are not ready for it.

How to build relationships correctly

Recently, the author of this article finished working with a very interesting person, a young man (), who dreams of rebuilding his life, he wants to start a relationship with a woman of the right age, he intends to find his destiny and build with her a strong family, which he has needed for so long. This material is dedicated to him and everyone who is just about to find their soul mate.

If you, like my Client, are just about to build a relationship and are at the very beginning of this difficult path, then by reading these lines you started absolutely right.

About 90% of first marriages and relationships are created spontaneously, on a whim

When creating a relationship, you need to consult a psychologist

Many couples who came to me for advice started their families or entered into relationships spontaneously rather than deliberately. They simply fell in love with each other and decided not to part again.

Find out the reasons for misunderstandings between partners in relationships!

As a professional psychologist and family psychotherapist, I invite you to enter into a relationship consciously, and first of all, you need to assess your readiness for a new relationship.

- what they write about this on the Internet - and read below about how to prepare psychologically for creating a new relationship.

Signs of a quality family life from a psychological point of view

• Finding compromises

  .

If married partners are happy, then they realize that in any conflict situation it is worth looking for a compromise, because the family is not a battlefield. It is this kind of union, according to psychologists, that is the strongest and happiest.

• Interest in each other

  .

After years of living together, partners' interest in each other may disappear, because they think that they have studied each other 100%. In this case, in order for the family to become stronger, it is necessary to try to maintain mutual interest, while noticing even the little things, and to share the interests of the other half.

• Eliminate competition

  .

When both in a couple are happy, they will not prove to each other their superiority in this or that matter. In a healthy relationship, everyone has their own roles to perform without trying to look their best. It is precisely such families that are considered the happiest in psychology.

• Treat with a sense of humor

  .

This feeling allows you to experience difficult situations much easier, without focusing on the negative sides of your partner. This is the only way, from a psychological point of view, that healthy families are born.

• Maintain balance

  .

There are no ideal relationships; disagreements and disputes can arise in any family. However, only couples who are truly happy are able to maintain a balance between negativity and positivity, without allowing an advantage in one direction or the other.

The benefits of good family relationships

The benefits of close relationships are enormous for the whole family and for you personally.

• When you have a good relationship, that is, there is a reason to try to do everything, you happily work for your family (for your husband and children, for your relatives). When there are no close relationships, you don’t want anything.
• The child is understandable and controllable. When there is contact, it’s easy for you to understand the child; you don’t have to spend a lot of time trying to satisfy his needs or help in some way. It becomes much easier.
• Your husband understands you and helps you if he feels that you are loved. Everything is much simpler when there is connection and contact, love and mutual understanding between spouses.
• You have more time and energy if family members have good relationships. Because when a family is united, there is subordination, lives are intertwined. It enriches both your life and the lives of your loved ones.