How to make peace and get out of a conflict with dignity?

How to make peace with your loved one: Pixabay How to make peace with a man after a quarrel? Anna Iotko, Mikhail Labkovsky and other famous psychologists believe that not a single couple can do without conflicts. But if you choose the right reconciliation strategy, disagreements will strengthen the relationship and take it to a new level.

Preparing for reconciliation

No matter how trivial it may sound, both are always to blame in a conflict. Some more, some less, but one person starts swearing, and the other intensifies the process. Therefore, after a quarrel, it is important to realize your share of participation and not be afraid to take responsibility for the situation that occurred.

Let's look at specific examples of the causes of some typical conflicts and their possible consequences:

1. Disagreements with your significant other. Love relationships are sooner or later overshadowed by quarrels. It is important to realize that they happen for a reason. Every conflict is a consequence of a clash of interests and characters. If it ends productively, and both sides draw conclusions and try not to repeat mistakes, then disagreements will only bring benefits. It’s good when both participants in a relationship strive for personal development and jointly look for a way out of any vicissitudes. But when the same quarrel occurs over and over again, the partners do not strive to eliminate the root of the problem, the situation may not end in the best way. For example, reconciliation with a husband or lover cannot occur solely on the basis of a woman’s desire. Selfless representatives of the fair sex often sacrifice their interests to please a man, and he only becomes more impudent from year to year. Sooner or later, conflicts in such an alliance will lead to a break. Therefore, each partner must strive for reconciliation.
2. Problems with relatives. The family occupies a huge niche in the life of every person. If you have a strong rear behind you, where you will always be supported and helped, then any problems are not so terrible. But relationships with family members are not always smooth. Despite our family connection, we are all different people with our own cockroaches in our heads. Squabbles between brothers and sisters are a common occurrence, sometimes stemming from childhood. Conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, mother-in-law and son-in-law, parents and children also occur quite often. In these situations, it is difficult to find who is right and who is wrong, because it is, in principle, not easy for people of different ages and worldviews to find a common language. In order not to spoil relationships, it is better to be wiser and not react to quarrels and provocations. After all, it is always difficult to find words for reconciliation, and even after a conflict there remains an unpleasant aftertaste.
3. Conflicts with friends. You were close friends, but there was a quarrel? There are a lot of reasons for disagreements between friends: from accumulated irritation to banal envy. If you don’t talk about painful problems, friendship may fade away due to accumulated negativity. Don’t be afraid to sort things out on time, without waiting for an explosion of emotions. It also happens that the cause of the conflict is too serious, and the friendship cannot continue. In this case, it is better to explain everything in detail and respectfully to the person and stop communicating.
4. Problems at work. The most common causes of conflict in a team are:

• gossip,
• unfair wages,
• incompetence of employees and unwillingness to work,
• envy of more successful colleagues,
• too hard or, conversely, too soft control.

Unfortunately, colleagues are not chosen, and we often have to put up with unpleasant people at work. It is clear that if your pride is hurt in conflicts, you are slandered or unfairly deprived of a bonus, then it is simply necessary to fight for honor and dignity. But when the reason for disagreement is a minor detail or someone’s bad mood, it is better to refuse to participate in the feuds and remain neutral.

As you can see, misunderstandings and quarrels can arise almost anywhere. Do not despair if such unpleasant events are frequent guests in your life. The main thing in a conflict situation is to understand in time who should take the first step forward.

Give a pleasant surprise

Sometimes this is a completely good solution. Moreover, the opposite side rejoices not so much at the offering, but at the attention and the first step. This technique helps when the quarrel involves close people who can afford a familiar attitude. Unexpected gifts are suitable for mitigating mild conflicts - family conflicts that arise on everyday grounds.

But if the situation is more difficult, it is better not to give anything - this will most likely be perceived as ingratiation and will cause rejection. In the latter case, there is a risk that the person will not take anything, and the quarrel will only take new turns. In general, be guided by the situation.

Who should be the first to make peace?

People's different worldviews often not only serve as a reason for disagreement, but also interfere with the speedy reconciliation of the parties.
Each person is individual and looks at the situation from the position of his ego. Therefore, there is no clear answer to the question of who should make peace first. In romantic relationships, a man and a woman often expect the same actions from each other after a conflict:

• reconciliation after a short period of time,
• initiatives from the partner to make amends,
• so that they are not reproached for what happened,
• a detailed analysis of the situation and explanation of all the nuances,
• eliminating the cause of the conflict,
• declarations of love.

Expectations often contradict reality. Participants in emotional relationships can behave completely differently, further exacerbating the resulting negativity. Therefore, I would like to say one thing: the one who really wants to stop the quarrel should be the first to offer to make peace, whether he is right in this situation or not. If a person really loves, he will learn to give in. Believe me, the other half will sooner or later notice this and follow the right example.

But with close and not so close relatives in a conflict situation, it is difficult to make a decision. Communication with them is not so close, but they are family and we feel the need to maintain the relationship at all costs. Having quarreled with relatives, you often don’t know how to make peace with them: grandmother, mother-in-law, mother-in-law, adult son and daughter - all require a special approach. It is best not to conflict with senior representatives at all. It is unlikely that they will change their behavior and come up first after a quarrel. When squabbles occur between brothers and sisters, it is difficult to even think about how you can make peace with them first. Conflicts with these relatives usually stretch back to childhood. Some were loved more, others were bought a more expensive toy. The one who has really matured should meet halfway and hold out a white flag in such a situation. You need to build boundaries with children: not to meddle too much in their lives, but also not to allow them to communicate with you inappropriately. If the conflict with your son or daughter did not occur on your initiative, then it is better to wait for the first step towards reconciliation from them.

Friends can easily become enemies after strong disagreements. If you value a person, then you can meet them halfway in a conflict situation, but do not forget about your dignity. Many people are interested in how to make peace with a friend if he is to blame himself and does not try to justify himself. Here we can advise you to just start a conversation. Invite your friend to discuss the problem and sort it out, maybe this will encourage him to ask for forgiveness.

Conflicts in a team greatly poison life. You can simply not give a damn about them and communicate with those who are unpleasant solely on business matters. If you feel uncomfortable after a quarrel, and the person who offended you is not going to rush into reconciliation, then you can make attempts yourself. Just come up and offer to forget about what happened if you can mentally overcome yourself. A favorable environment in the team is very important for high-quality work and normal mood. The hardest thing to figure out is how to make peace with your boss after a quarrel. He obviously will not take the first steps due to his status, and disagreements with him will poison your work life. If you were wrong, then you can take the initiative in reconciliation. But, if the conflict occurred as a result of injustice towards you, it is better to contact the service for settling working relations, having first read the collective agreement. Don't let your management go overboard and respect yourself.

Only you can find the optimal solution in any conflict situations. All quarrels cannot start from scratch. Initially there was some kind of push, a trigger. By defining it, you solve the problem halfway. Be restrained and think things through before you speak. Such worldly wisdom will help reduce quarrels to a minimum. If a conflict does occur, and you still have to take the first step towards reconciliation, it is important to approach this issue correctly. We will give you some tips for successful reconciliation.

Go on holiday together with mutual friends

The warm atmosphere calms and puts you in a peaceful mood. Especially when there are no irritants around, there is no need to rush anywhere or solve urgent matters. In such an environment, you can have a heart-to-heart talk and come to a rational decision. And if something suddenly turns out to be wrong, friendly support is always ready.

On vacation, everyday problems are forgotten, and the world seems much simpler. The surrounding landscapes have no less beneficial effects - it is not without reason that scientists have recognized their calming effect on the nervous system. Nature helps to rethink old situations, due to which the very view of things changes to some extent.

Use radio services

For example, a good song will pave the way for reconciliation. It is enough to know your favorite composition, the performer of a loved one - music lovers will especially like this. This solution is suitable for friends or family, that is, for those who are willing to make concessions.

Music will certainly melt the icy resentment and will be an impetus for the resumption of communication. This will also demonstrate that you know other people's tastes and remember them, no matter what. And this is always highly appreciated!

Like a wife, like a husband

Almost everything in the house depends on the wife. Sometimes you have to re-educate your husbands, and many of them reveal qualities that you would never have thought about, and we are not even talking about bad character traits. For example, before the wedding, my husband always insisted that he was not going to do women’s housework, as it was humiliating. What if after the wedding, the next feast, the husband washed all the dishes or cleaned the house. This action is completely normal. Don’t think that you can now command your husband. He simply helped you fulfill your responsibilities.

Often women want to show in public how they raise their husbands in order to increase their dignity and authority. However, it is not. The more the wife shows that she has influence on her husband, the more influence he has, and the moment will come when he will get tired of all this, and he will stop listening to his wife and will not take her opinion into account at all. Just show your loved one your true wisdom in advice, and he himself will feel that he has a need for you.

The fact that you are trying to change your husband should not be known to anyone except you, not even your husband. Let him better think that everything he does happens only from his own considerations and concepts, and not according to your instructions. Men are the stronger sex, and they will never allow themselves to be commanded and controlled. However, it is worth remembering the popular wisdom: the husband is the head, and the wife is the neck (wherever she wants, she will turn her head).

If your husband does not listen to you, look for the problem within yourself, maybe you are doing something wrong. You can never achieve success through scandals and misunderstandings. Make your legal spouse feel how much he needs you, just don’t show it off. Be meek, quiet, peaceful, wise, kind, and only then will your husband be drawn to you and want to do something nice for you.

One of the conditions for a happy marriage is mutual understanding. However, sometimes it is difficult for representatives of the fair sex to reach their spouses. For a husband to listen to his wife, you need to find an approach to him.

Set an example

If you want your husband to consult with you and take your opinion into account when making important decisions, be the first to set an example. Maybe you are being too independent and demonstrating that you don't care about your spouse's opinion when making decisions. In this case, it is natural that the faithful responds to you in the same way.

Create a real team from your family, whose members respect, appreciate and love each other. You should be the first to begin cultivating such family values, and only then demand similar behavior from your husband.

Competence

Perhaps your spouse does not listen to you because he believes that you do not understand what you are saying. He is your opinion because he thinks that your judgments are superficial.

Show competence in the issue you are discussing with your husband. Gather information about the issue you care about and prepare compelling facts that will help you turn your spouse into an advocate.

A period of up to three months for reconciliation of spouses may be given in case of divorce in court. In this case, a mandatory condition is the absence of consent of one of the spouses to terminate family and marital relations.

Instructions

Family law provides for a special period for reconciliation between spouses who have expressed a desire to divorce. This period is determined by the state’s desire to ensure the restoration of the family and the preservation of family and marital relations.

If the spouses do not have common minor children, and there is mutual consent to divorce, the corresponding procedure is implemented in the registry office. The period for reconciliation is only one month, which is counted from the moment the joint application for termination of the marriage is submitted.

In court, a marriage is dissolved in the absence of mutual consent to terminate family relations between spouses, as well as in the presence of minor children. In any case, the law instructs the court to make a decision to terminate a marriage only if there is confidence that the preservation of the family and the subsequent life together of the spouses is not possible.

Providing a period for reconciliation of spouses is the right of the court, and not its obligation. Depending on the specific circumstances of the case, the court may not exercise this right if it determines that the provision of such a period is not important.

Family law allows the court to grant any period for reconciliation that is within the prescribed three-month period. This means that court hearings may be repeatedly postponed because the judge decides it is possible to preserve the family relationship. However, the total period of the proceedings should not exceed 3 months, since this is the maximum period established.

If all possibilities for reconciliation have been exhausted and the period prescribed by law has expired, the court grants the application for divorce. To make such a decision, it is not necessary to have the consent of both spouses; the expression of the will of one of them is sufficient.

Even if there is confidence that reconciliation between the spouses is impossible, the court does not have the right to dissolve the marriage before the expiration of one month from the date of filing the application. The specified period is the minimum period for reconciliation and resolution of all problems by the spouses, therefore it is provided in all cases of termination of family relationships. If the spouses insist on ending the marriage, the court, in the act adopted, resolves issues related to the division of common property and the future fate of minor children.

Sources:

• Family Code of the Russian Federation in 2019

Long-term living under the same roof and living together somewhat dulls the intensity of passions between spouses. Making love turns into fulfilling marital duty. Avoiding this will require some effort.

How men usually behave after a quarrel

By the behavior of a man after a quarrel, you can understand a lot about his character. A few simple tips will tell you what type your lover is:

1. The first type includes men who prefer to take a wait-and-see approach after a quarrel. Such men are not used to taking the initiative into their own hands; they tend to let the problem take its course. Such behavior is an example of psychological defense against conflict. This way of solving problems is characteristic of young people in whose families the authoritarian role was assigned to the mother. When entering into a relationship with a woman, a young man projects maternal behavior onto his girlfriend, fiancee, wife (underline as appropriate);
2. The second type of “guilty” people like to shower their chosen one with gifts and flowers. Up to a certain point, this method causes awe in a woman. But if a man prefers to smooth out the situation with gifts, it’s worth considering! Typically, such men believe that it is easier to buy the affection of their beloved than to listen to another complaint. If your boyfriend is this type, you should think about whether he really cares about your feelings?
3. The third type includes men who prefer to resolve conflicts within the bedroom. A sort of macho man who needs constant confirmation of his own need through physical intimacy. They do not like to take on the burden of responsibility and prefer to live in pleasure. Unable to achieve emotional intimacy with a partner, they replace it with physical intimacy.
4. The fourth type of men are distinguished by their infantility. When quarreling, they prefer to imitate their partner, copying her behavior. Such men are easy-going and very difficult to offend. They turn a controversial situation into a joke, which in some cases is the best way out of the conflict.
5. Finally, the fifth type. Finding out relationships with this type of man is like a meeting of Congress. They approach problematic issues with the utmost seriousness and can spend hours discussing the best ways to resolve the situation. This behavior is typical of strong, self-confident men who prefer to solve a problem in one fell swoop.

Wait for negative emotions to pass

It has been noticed that they are the ones who spoil relationships. Word after word - and a moment comes when it is already difficult to correct anything. Therefore, every time you feel uncontrollably irritated, drop everything and leave. Your opponent probably won’t appreciate this, but there’s a better chance of not inciting a quarrel.

Never rush to make peace if you are still on edge - such an act will not end well. Wait patiently, and perhaps the other person will cool down and even make the first move. And if not, then you will do it.

Reasons why a man doesn't make the first move

A man who, according to tradition, has not taken the first step towards a romantic relationship arouses a lot of suspicion and mistrust in a woman, despite the tender feelings she has for him. Women tend to look for reasons behind everything that happens, and when it comes to indecisive men, there are too many questions. Many representatives of the fair sex, unable to understand the motives for such behavior of men, find themselves in a dead end situation. So, let’s name the main reasons that force men to delay taking relationships to a new level:

• A man's fear of being rejected. Representatives of the stronger sex are not without feelings of fear, embarrassment, and self-doubt, and this must be taken into account. A man may put off the first step towards a meeting because he simply thinks that the girl is too good for him, or he has not yet had time to put together a picture of a relationship with her. Having already received a “turn-turn” more than once, such a man must first test the waters before going ahead.
• Fear of responsibility. This, alas, is the scourge of our time, when many men feel more comfortable in the presence of women’s initiative in everything, including in relationships.
• Man's uncertainty. The passive behavior of a representative of the stronger sex may also be due to the fact that he has feelings for another woman. It doesn’t matter whether his relationship with her is over, your chosen one’s heart may still be occupied for an indefinite period of time. He may want a new relationship, but has not yet decided on your candidacy.
• Male vulnerability. Don't think that men are forged from steel, they also have hearts that can suffer. Perhaps in the past, your chosen one has a bitter relationship experience behind him, when he was very hurt, and now, on a subconscious level, he expects a dirty trick from you.
• Character properties. Your chosen one may be slightly spoiled by female attention, and deliberately waits for you to take the first step yourself, or he may be too indecisive, and is afraid of saying or doing something wrong, and therefore prefers to run away from any development of the relationship.

Fight resentment

This character trait truly interferes with living a peaceful life. While some people endure the situation steadfastly, step over it and move on, others suffer for a long time and feed negative thoughts in their heads.

You should not concentrate on the things that were said during the quarrel. Remember: this happened in the heat of the moment. Surely the person has already regretted what he said a hundred times and doesn’t think so at all. Better remember the pleasant moments together, in which everything was sincere.

And one more thing: don’t force anyone, don’t look offended, don’t reproach. Also, you should not repeat verbatim someone else’s remarks or take quotes out of context in an attempt to prove something. Patience and forbearance are the best things in a person.

A question of authority

Maybe you think that your husband doesn’t listen to you just because he doesn’t do things your way? This means that it makes sense for you to try to express your opinion in a different form. Perhaps you are too categorical in your recommendations, and your spouse does not listen to you solely because of stubbornness and male pride.

You need to promote your ideas gently and unobtrusively, so that your spouse thinks that it was he who came up with a brilliant idea. If it is important for you not to take away the authority of the head of the family from your husband, but to protect the interests of your family, you will listen to this advice and change tactics.

Don’t nag your husband, don’t scold him for mistakes, and forget such an unpleasant phrase for men’s ears as “I told you so.”

Dove of peace, where are you going?4

Reconciliation will not be easy. Even if your partner is an easy-going, cheerful person, in the first days after a quarrel it is better to refrain from attempting contact. The exception is when steps are taken towards the “victims” themselves in a quarrel.

You don't need to do the following:

• Say standard phrases about “realized my guilt, extent, degree, depth”;
• Unfoundedly promise to improve;
• Annoy your partner with calls and SMS if they no longer communicate with you

Things work better. For example, they quarreled over her love of attending all the parties in this Universe and cheekily dancing on the bar counter while very drunk. She really realized, and began to go to the gym and decent bars in the evenings, where they drink a glass of wine and talk, and not dance half naked. After this event, you can make peace.

Or his wife stopped talking to him, because he has been promising to start walking with the child for a whole week, but instead he sits with a friend on a bench, drinks beer, and the child sleeps next to drinking and smoking men in a stroller. He takes the stroller and really starts walking, without a cigarette, beer, friend, or third parties.

Submission of information

Perhaps your husband is not listening to you because you are conveying information in the wrong way. When you want to tell your spouse about something, remember that men better grasp the essence of the conversation, but pay practically no attention to the numerous details that girls find so important and interesting.

Start the conversation with the main thing and do not deviate from the topic during the conversation. It happens that a wife jumps from one subject of discussion to another, and her husband, who finds it difficult to concentrate on such a monologue, simply switches off.

Choose the right moment to talk to your spouse. If he comes home tired, hungry and irritated, this is not the best time to discuss some important things with him.

Wait until he is in a good mood, and only then start a conversation.

Write a letter

Some find it difficult to prepare long, emotional speeches: a stupor arises in the conversation, stuttering begins, which is why the thread of the narrative is lost. This, by the way, incredibly irritates the interlocutor, who not only will not listen, but will be even more offended, mistaking the conversation for a continuation of the argument.

It is better to express your thoughts in writing - clearly, concisely, structured. This way there is a greater chance that the person will understand you completely. Especially if you are obviously right in the current conflict or sincerely repent. The main thing is to have something to say.

Place the paper under the door, hand it over personally or through someone - there are many options. You can, of course, use the Internet. However, a greater desire to open the letter will arise at the sight of a carefully folded piece of paper.

Don't wash dirty linen in public

Telling someone about your quarrel is not the best solution, even if you really want to complain to a third party. At best, you will be given advice that will be completely unnecessary. People don’t know the details of other people’s relationships, they don’t see the whole picture, so their recommendations can be harmful.

And many will even rejoice at someone else’s misfortune and try to make it worse. Besides, discussing someone behind their back is not very good. If this fact suddenly becomes known, the consequences will be dire and the quarrel will only get worse.