The wife stopped loving her husband: why did it happen, what to do, how to return love, advice from a psychologist on getting your spouse back and improving relationships

It is much easier when the loss of feelings affects both partners, in which case it is possible to end the relationship painlessly. But what to do if your wife has fallen out of love, and you still have hope for saving your family? The main thing is not to panic, understand the reasons for what happened, and decide whether to return your spouse.

If you are sure that you need her, follow the simple advice of psychologists on how to restore her feelings, what to do if she leaves. Also, become familiar with situations where divorce is imminent so you don't waste your energy.

Why the wife stopped loving her husband: reasons

To understand the question of how to save a family if your wife has fallen out of love, you must first soberly assess what is happening and understand the reasons that motivate her. Feelings never go away suddenly, which means that some kind of push contributed to this. Most often the reasons are:

financial difficulties, insolvency of a man, inability to support a family;
frequent quarrels that develop into huge scandals, complete misunderstanding of partners;
heavy losses, bitterness, for which spouses may blame each other;
the routine of life, monotony in relationships, lack of passion, flirtation, romance;
lack of attention, care, any manifestation of feelings in her direction;
lack of sexual desire, when sex becomes an obligation rather than a desire;
neglect of it, selfish behavior, preference to mind “your own” affairs;
lack of communication, spending time together, common interests;
abuse of bad habits, for example, alcoholism, drug addiction;
violence from a man, both moral and physical.

Expert opinion
Elena Druzhnikova

Sexologist. Family relations expert. Family psychologist.

To maintain love in family relationships, it is important to spend time together, communicate as much as possible, and have common hobbies. Women need attention, compliments, romantic pleasant actions, and help in difficult situations. A caring, loving man will not have a question about how to return his wife’s love, which means you did something wrong.

What kills love after marriage

Having gotten married, the couple is confident in the infinity of their love. The young family is not disturbed by strangers, the partners enjoy each other. During the first years together, lovers face a number of problems that kill their feelings:

Household routine. Couples who lived separately before marriage and had no experience of running a joint household learn to share responsibilities for the first time after marriage. Conflicts are inevitable at this time. The husband expects that his wife will handle the household chores on her own, leaving him to bring money and relax after a working day. The wife expects an equal division of household labor or all possible help from her partner, because modern women work no less.
Bad habits. Lovers begin to notice each other's flaws in marriage. Seeing their partner every day in everyday life, they notice that he is imperfect. You have to put up with the bad habits of your chosen one - smoking, addiction to alcohol, eating junk food.
Children. The birth of a baby brings not only happiness, but also sleepless nights, financial problems, physical and mental fatigue. If a couple does not have helpers (grandmothers and other relatives, nannies), then they cannot relax. Fatigue and conflicts accumulate. There is no strength left for love and communication.
Lack of intimacy. When lovers enter into a relationship, they have the strength, opportunity and desire to regularly indulge in passion. In marriage, desire fades as the intrigue disappears. Partners do not need to conquer or achieve each other. People relax, intimacy becomes commonplace. A union in which there is no romance turns into a boring chore, the same as raising a child, running a household and going to work.

READ Crisis in relationships: inevitable or good?

Signs of cooled feelings

In order not to part with the woman you love, it is important for you to identify the problem in a timely manner before it goes away. If she does not directly say that she has stopped loving you, the following signs will be alarming:

she regularly refuses intimacy;
communicates with other men, shows interest in their successes;
sharply changes priorities, increasingly spends time outside the home with friends.

Simply put, a woman becomes cold, uninterested in the affairs of her husband, and shows warmth and care less and less. There are a lot of indirect signs that indicate that feelings have subsided:

she no longer hides her shortcomings;
ignores your presence;
shows unreasonable jealousy;
shows irritability over small things;
demonstrates rudeness, selfishness;
pays less and less attention to household chores and cooking;
prefers to make any important decisions independently.

This behavior does not always mean that she has fallen out of love, has fallen in love with another man and is going to leave for him. But in any case, all signs are an indicator that the relationship needs rehabilitation.

Will you try to get your wife back after betrayal?

Not really

“Prolonged marathon”, or the comfort stage

The novelty of the relationship gradually wears off, the feeling of love becomes calmer and more established. The intensity of emotions also decreases. No more going the distance. A loved one is relatively always nearby, he is accessible. We treat each other with care, warmth and love.

Gradually we stop paying attention to the other person and seeing what’s wrong with him. We are getting used to it. And... resentment begins to arise inside. Everything seems to be as it should be, but something is missing. The tension builds up. At first, perhaps, it will discharge on something or someone. Some will run to the gym, others will yell at the cat. There is a feeling of dissatisfaction, but there is no understanding of what caused it.

Is it worth returning your wife if she has fallen out of love?

Not in all cases, returning the wife is an advisable solution. So before you take any action, ask yourself whether it's worth returning it at all. If not only her feelings, but also yours, have cooled down, then it’s better to get a divorce. Controversial situations may be the following:

you live together, but she wants to leave - first find the reasons for such a desire, make every effort to keep her, and if it doesn’t help, resign yourself;
if you have children together , this is a good reason to try to keep the family together, if at least one of you still has love;
there is acquired property - often spouses are hampered by such a situation when divorce is not so easily allowed by issues of division of property, which means this is your chance to gain time.

Try to spend more time together

Have you found yourself in a difficult situation due to your own stupidity? Is your missus not paying attention to you? What to do if your beloved wife has fallen out of love? A man must rehabilitate himself in the eyes of a woman and spend more time with his wife. Change your priorities. If you have a desire to save your marriage, then you will temporarily have to put work in second place. Go to the cinema with your wife, take your girlfriend to social events. If there is a child in the family, then you need to ask the parents to take him with them at least several times a week.

Your wife must understand that she is loved and desired. And a man must not forget to prove this to her. Rent country cottages for the weekend, go to the river or to the forest with tents. Go to resorts or travel abroad. Whatever your family's budget, there is always the opportunity to find a way to have a good and productive vacation with your significant other. But don't limit yourself to just the weekend. Show your feelings in the middle of the week. Return early from work, cook dinner for your wife and invite her to watch her favorite movie together. The more people communicate, the more trusting their relationships develop, and love lives only where there is trust.

How to return the feelings of your beloved wife

Relationship psychology teaches that any problem in a relationship between a man and a woman is always the fault of both. Therefore, if your wife decides to leave you and declares a lack of feelings, find the reasons, and then build on them to find ways to save the family. You can return its location in several ways:

Frank conversation - choose a moment when you are both calm. After this, try to discuss the problem, analyze the relationship, identify the reasons, but so that it does not develop into another scandal.
Apology - if you know what kind of offense offended your wife, led to a cooling of feelings, apologize. You can organize a pleasant surprise. Even if you once decided to cheat on your spouse, the chances of forgiveness are slim, but it’s worth trying to beg for forgiveness.
Make her fall in love with you again - remember for what actions and qualities she once fell in love with you. Try to demonstrate all this again, help her in solving any problems, show interest in her and her life.
Listen to criticism - try to bring your wife into a frank conversation so that she directly expresses all her complaints against you. After listening to all this, you will be able to soberly assess whether it makes sense to maintain the relationship, whether you can change for her sake.
Break up - if she wants to leave, give her freedom. Let her live alone, think through all the pros and cons of loneliness, so that she has something to compare with. And after some time, you can meet and discuss whether it’s worth getting together, or whether you’re both comfortable separately.
Consultation with a family psychologist - specialists save about 60% of married couples. Try to persuade her to go to a psychologist together. If not, visit it yourself to find answers to any questions.
Let go - if she fell in love with someone else, went to him, demonstrates in every possible way how happy she is in a new relationship, give her freedom. You can say that you are ready to take her back, but you shouldn’t interfere with her new life.

In any case, the surest path is to improve yourself, to work on yourself. Whatever decision you both make, do everything to transform yourself for the better, both externally and internally. Eliminate all shortcomings that led to a cooling of feelings.

How to behave if your wife leaves

A cold marriage will sooner or later lead to the spouse leaving. Breaking up can also cause betrayal on her part. What to do if you are determined to renew your marriage? Establishing relationships requires the following measures:

give time to both yourself and your wife, don’t run after her, causing scandals, and especially don’t drag her back home by force;
leave her alone, perhaps she left temporarily to take a break from you, the routine of family life, everyday life, and a change of environment will benefit the relationship;
if she declares that she is not satisfied with the relationship and specific behavior on your part, hear every word she says, realize her misdeeds, work on yourself to prevent this from happening in the future;
if she lives with another man, don’t try to get her back, become a better person, behave with dignity, there is a high probability that very soon she will realize the mistake and come back;
restore normal communication in order to maintain contact with her, provide assistance in every possible way in any matter, take an interest in her life.

A kind, attentive, sympathetic attitude towards her will help to quickly return your spouse home. Try to do everything to show awareness of your mistakes and the ability to change.

Be jealous of a woman

Ladies love romance and romantic films. Have you noticed that your wife has stopped loving you? What to do, how to get a woman back? A man should begin to be theatrically jealous of his beloved. No matter how strange it may sound, women like this behavior. They are pleased to see that a man does not want to let them go and strives with all his might to keep them near him. Therefore, do not be afraid to overdo it if you show jealousy not all the time, but only from time to time. The woman will be surprised by her husband’s behavior, which was not typical for him before. But the surprise will be pleasant. The lady will think that if the husband hid his jealousy for so long, then he still has something to surprise the woman with. The lady will stay with the man at least for the sake of interest, to see what else the husband can surprise with. And here the man must justify the woman’s hopes. Prove your love with romantic actions. Beautiful gestures will help not only keep a woman, but also revive fading love.

In some cases, the only solution is divorce

When does staying in a relationship when you fall out of love make no sense? It's only a matter of time before divorce is imminent. There are several signs that a relationship cannot be saved:

Wife is cheating . If we are talking about a systematic relationship with another man for whom you have feelings, it is unlikely that your attempts to save the marriage are justified and appropriate.
Moral, psychological violence . If one of you is constantly being abused, sacrificing for a fragile peace, and facing humiliation, the relationship is doomed.
No compromise . Does your wife blame you for everything, but does not see her own guilt, although it is obvious? It is unlikely that such a policy will lead to harmony; sooner or later the marriage will collapse anyway.
Different visions of the future . If your plans for your future life diverge radically, everyone sees their future in their own way, the relationship is doomed.
Lack of any contact . When there is no communication, interaction, tenderness, tactility and even sex in a couple, with a great desire to preserve a fragile peace, this will be impossible.

Well, the main indicator that the solution should be divorce is mutual indifference, lack of respect. Neither children nor common property will be able to keep you together for long.

Advice from a psychologist on getting your spouse back and building relationships

The main assistant in matters of maintaining relationships is a psychologist. He has all the information about what reasons ruin marriages, what causes feelings to pass, and what ways they can be renewed. Tips for getting your wife back and building relationships will be as follows:

change everything - if before you paid little attention to your wife, now show her the opposite attitude, give her compliments, help, show concern;
give up accusations - any reproaches lead to disputes, scandals, because of which cooled feelings go away even more; on the contrary, praise your wife for any even insignificant act, support any decisions;
revive romance and flirting - arrange dates, pleasant surprises for her, arrange such meetings with which you once won her heart at the stage of courtship;
don’t let the bed get cold - surprise her as much as you can, show how good she can be with you in sex, take the initiative;
establish trusting communication - only in this case you will always be able to express dissatisfaction and complaints without scandals, and also learn from her in a timely manner what you can do to offend or upset your companion.

Compliment a woman

Girls love with their ears. They constantly need confirmation of their irresistibility. Give the ladies compliments as often as possible. Any good specialist will give you exactly this advice. What to do if your wife stops loving her husband? You should rehabilitate yourself in the eyes of a woman. A man should show increased attention to a lady. In the morning you can tell a lady that she looks amazing, and in the evening you can whisper tender words in the ear of your beloved woman. But don't be too zealous in your confessions. Nobody likes obsessiveness either. Dose your tenderness. It must be appropriate. If a lady is going to an event that is important to her, do not forget to wish her good luck; if you are dropping a girl off somewhere, then do not forget to kiss your beloved goodbye, and also say that you missed the girl when you pick her up. Such sweet words always find a response in women's hearts. If you remember all the important dates for a girl, you will also grow in the eyes of the lady. Therefore, set reminders in your calendar that will notify you in advance of all important events.