There is an opinion that female friendship does not exist. Only those who have not known this happiness say this, because girls’ friends often become the closest people! But before getting closer, female friendship goes through many tests. And now the next moment has come... You had a fight. What to do in such situations? How to behave, how to act correctly?
How to make peace if the cause of the quarrel is a man
A man always directly or indirectly brings discord into female friendships and this is normal. The main thing is to resolve all omissions immediately.
If you are jealous of your man for his own girlfriend, then it’s time to prioritize your relationship with both of them. To begin with, stop these endless dates of the three of you - you’ll chat with your friend during breaks (at home, at the institute), but make it a rule to spend the evening alone with your guy. Ask your boyfriend to come with a friend, arguing that your girlfriend feels uncomfortable. If the situation does not change, talk to her, explain your feelings. Tell your friend that you love her madly, however, you are now experiencing conflicting emotions that are still difficult to get rid of. This will help you make peace without dramas and hysterics, since a true friend will always understand and support.
If the situation with your boyfriend and girlfriend is exactly the opposite, and you act as that third “extra” person, avoid this situation. Never be alone with her lover, become less active in general conversation, do not touch him, do not joke about your friend. Monitor her reaction to you and if you feel that the situation is escalating (her friend is increasingly in no mood, stops calling, gets offended), stop interfering in this relationship altogether. Politely refuse the offer to go for a walk together in the evening, and admit to your friend that you feel awkward, so you don’t want to disturb them.
If a man was initially the object of admiration for both of you, but he liked you, a frank conversation will help you make peace with your offended friend. Say that every woman sooner or later finds the one, and you seem to have found him. Convince her that she is not the “losing” party, but simply someone who has not yet found her happiness. Help her find her soulmate.
If your friend is offended that you pay little attention to her, correct it, but with some reservations. If you used to spend 24/7 together, now she can only claim half of your time. A real girlfriend will understand your condition, believe me!
A quarrel with a friend over a man can be long-lasting, or it can even end the friendship. The main thing is not to choose “between,” but to differentiate your relationship with your friend and your boyfriend.
Become a mediator between friends
Some quarrels end in the first stages, when the question of how to reconcile friends among themselves is decided by the guys themselves. But if the unpleasant situation drags on, it’s time to move on to more complex methods:
- Find a place to meet friends. Let it be a quiet area where you can talk to the guys or they can chat with each other.
- Please note that if one of your friends is in a bad mood, the idea will have to be postponed. Try to find a time when both people are positive. You can play your favorite song for your friends before the meeting or ask them to calm down by breathing deeply.
- Ask friends to speak in first person. There is no need to blame someone: “I’m tired of you with your nonsense!” This will make it easier for the interlocutor to insert an argument or some kind of argument. Say: “I’m tired of this nonsense!”
- If friends quarrel again, then help resolve the conflict. Defuse the situation and don't let them fight again.
- Is there anything unclear to you? Ask your interlocutor. It is possible that incomprehensible facts arose in the dialogue, which led to a quarrel. The faster you find them, the easier it will be to end the dispute.
This was the first way to reconcile friends.
How to make peace if your friend is to blame
If the quarrel is your friend’s fault, you definitely need to take a short break. If your offense is small, a pause will act as an “eraser” that will erase and smooth out this discord. If the quarrel is major and emotions are too intense, a couple of days of silence will help you come to your senses and look at the situation soberly. Girls are quite emotional, and often, instead of constructive dialogue, it turns out to be a major scandal with offensive personalization. It's so impossible to make peace!
Before you go to reconciliation first, think about what caused your friend’s behavior towards you. Were you deliberately offended or did you misunderstand her? Is such a disdainful attitude towards you the norm or an absurd coincidence of circumstances? What do you feel - resentment, anger, melancholy, sadness? Is she aware that the friendship is on hold because of her, or is she in the dark? Think about whether you provoked her to such actions? These questions will help you understand your future behavior strategy.
Logically, a friend should come to make peace, since she is to blame for the quarrel. However, each person sees the situation from their own perspective, so she may not even realize how much damage she has done to your friendship. If this relationship is important to you, you don’t like being in the status of a victim, you know for sure that your friend did not intentionally offend you, it would be logical to approach you first. You can approach them right away with a serious conversation, indicating your position, or you can break the silence with a harmless joke.
If you are the first to decide to start a conversation, the main thing is that the dialogue proceeds calmly, without raised tones, claims or insults. Otherwise, you will not make peace, but will quarrel even more. Say that the nature of the disagreement is not so serious that you would lose your best friend, but you sincerely wish that such situations would not happen again. Speak out your feelings, your friend will henceforth think about the consequences of her words or actions. Initially, do not hope that they will fall to their knees in front of you. If this is what you are currently inclined to do, it’s too early to reconcile!
If your friend is indirectly to blame and the cause of your quarrel was a third object, find a common compromise. Think together about how you can eliminate such situations in the future.
If your friend is one of those who is shy/afraid/unsure of herself/hesitant to reconcile, give her a sign that you are ready to forgive her. Post a status on social networks that says that you miss her, love her, and are ready to forgive. Post a general photo or picture that describes your feelings. Sometimes this is more than enough.
In any case, you should listen to your feelings. If you love your friend no matter what and accept her anyway, be the first to make peace! There are no winners or losers in friendship!
Why do people stop being friends?
It is clear that everyone has quarrels for different reasons. Sometimes they are stupid, and sometimes the reason is significant, and the offense is justified. But it is important to remember that a friend, even if the girls are in conflict, is a close person who deserves understanding and empathy.
READ How to apologize to a guy and get forgiveness
Initially, it is recommended to analyze why the scandal occurred, and only then make attempts to make peace with your girlfriend:
- Misunderstanding. People, even the closest ones, have different views on certain things. You need to accept this or find friends who would share the person’s opinion completely. But it is almost impossible to agree on everything, because disagreements will still appear somewhere.
- Pressure. If a friend tries to provoke, manipulates, forces you to do something, or behaves hysterically, then it is better not to communicate with her. The girl is able to adopt this pattern of behavior or develop some internal problems that will prevent her from making friends with people in the future.
- Violation of personal boundaries. Not every person understands that you should not interfere in your friend’s life, even if their communication is very close and trusting. Someone tries to give advice, finds out information, tries to insert their two cents when there is no need for it. It is better to warn such friends so that they do not cross conventional boundaries and do not begin to become familiar. If talking doesn't help, then communication should be stopped.
These reasons are the main ones that can ruin a friendship. It is important to understand whether it is necessary to establish interpersonal relationships with this person at all. If a friend does not value her loved ones, neglects their feelings, behaves meanly and ugly, then it is better not to contact her. Even if it’s hard at first, after a while it will pass, the emotions will fade away.
READ How to properly be offended by a man in order to achieve what you want
When a girl admits that she is guilty, but in general is not too eager to continue the friendship, it is recommended to resolve the conflict and then reduce communication to nothing. This way, the friends will remain good acquaintances, and there will be no enmity or hostility between them.
How to make peace if you are to blame
To make peace with your best friend, if you are to blame, only an admission of guilt and a frank conversation will help. Sometimes it’s better to apologize right away (if you said a ridiculous phrase about her), sometimes it’s better to think it over and give your friend a little time to cool down.
Switch places with her and assess the depth of her resentment. Look at the situation from the outside. You think your joke about her slowness was funny, but you missed the fact that among those present there was a guy she likes. You thought you were joking, but your friend took it as humiliation. Talk to her about this moment. Sincerely say that you were stupid (you didn’t think, you forgot, you didn’t want to hurt her). Don't discount her feelings, don't call her emotions stupid. Respect her, otherwise there is no meaning in your words.
During a conversation, have the courage to listen to what is said to the end. I often want to retort back and point out her shortcomings. However, refrain from this now, you have come to make peace! Promise that in the future you will be more attentive to your statements and say that you would never allow yourself to intentionally offend a friend. Don’t generalize, speak only on your own behalf: “I’m sorry that I ruined your evening,” “I’m sorry that this happened,” “I’ll try to keep you safe from this in the future,” “I want to fix everything.”
If you can’t establish communication in a personal conversation, you can write a letter to a friend, send an SMS, or use social networks (send a postcard along with a message or attach a track that symbolizes your feelings). The letter should express a clear desire to establish contact and sincere repentance. Choose your words carefully for this, and re-read the text again before sending.
Sometimes the best way to make peace with a friend is to come visit with her favorite cake. Without words, without invitations. Sincerely cry, hug, be silent, laugh. But you must be sure that the door will open, otherwise the conflict may develop into something more serious.
If nothing serious happened and there is essentially nothing to apologize for, ask for forgiveness for her bad mood. “I’m sorry, dear, that I made you sad (upset, angry).”
Method #1: Listen, but don't take sides.
The simplest advice on how to reconcile friends is to listen to people, try to inadvertently justify each person for the other. To make this idea a success, try:
- Listen to each friend's version of what is happening. Ask: why did the quarrel happen? What is the reason? It is important to listen to each person individually, but so that it is just the two of you, without a second friend. Also show your friend how carefully you listen to him. Put down everything and your phone. You can take his hand or hold him close if he becomes hysterical. An important point: clarify unclear fragments.
- The friend doesn't want to say anything. If the other person is running away from the conversation, then start it first! Ask questions that he will definitely answer. For example: “You look depressed, is something wrong?” Do not interrupt your interlocutor if “the conversation has gone south.”
- Don’t tell anyone about the dialogues, especially your interlocutor! All the information you received may be shocking or untrue, but do not immediately rush to chat about it! After all, the man opened his soul to you! You don’t want to take the place of a “quarrelsome interlocutor”?
You have drawn conclusions for yourself, which means it’s time to move on to the next stage.
How to make peace with a pen pal
The word is not a sparrow, as you know, and it is impossible to return what is said. If you both haven’t cooled down yet, or your pride is stopping you, or you’re simply ashamed (terrified) to have a frank conversation, you need to write a letter to your friend.
Having realized the cause of the conflict, state your position on paper. Not just: “It’s my fault”! Describe your feelings today, offer to make peace. Indicate for what reasons you want to improve the relationship, what exactly you value, what qualities you love in a friend. Remember the pleasant moments spent together: a trip to the sea, a vacation at a camp, your favorite ice cream on a bench, riding on a swing.
You can also write a letter electronically, but it is better to choose a paper version. Highlight the main words with colored pens and accompany the text with cute patterns. You can paste her favorite candy, a movie ticket, or an invitation to tea to the letter.
The content of the letter should depend on the cause of the quarrel. If it’s your friend’s fault, it’s enough to simply and succinctly say that you miss her. If you are to blame, but the reason is not serious (you were late, didn’t pick up the phone), then you can ask for forgiveness and ridicule yourself at the same time for your shortcoming (deaf grouse, turtle). If your guilt is strong, you should be as frank as possible in your statements, express remorse, a desire to help, and support your beloved friend. Even if you sprinkle ashes on your head, show the extent of your despair!
If you are at school, you can throw a note on her desk with a cute content: “I’ve had enough of Rafaello, you’ve had enough of my presence :)”, “I missed your cheerful laughter”, “I haven’t slept without you for a week, save me, dear”, “Let’s go after school for cotton candy in the park.”
How to make peace with a friend via SMS
If your friend doesn’t want to talk to you, it’s quite reasonable to establish contact via SMS. SMS is suitable when the reason for the quarrel is not serious or you and your friend simply misunderstand each other. If the conflict is large-scale, the above option is more suitable.
You shouldn’t overwhelm your friend with text messages; a couple of laconic phrases will be enough. The text should aptly indicate your position and become the start of your reconciliation. The tone of the text should be friendly, without a hint of accusation or arrogance. If you are to blame for the discord, the SMS should be short and serious. Humor will be inappropriate, even if you communicate in life exclusively on a cheerful wave. For example: “Let's go to the cinema”, “Forgive me, I was wrong”, “Shall we take a walk after lunch?”, “Help me, please”, “I regret that this happened”, “I don’t want our friendship to fade.”
And if a friend is to blame, you can add a touch of humor to the phrase initially. This will let you know that you are ready to make peace. For example: “Eh, since my friend won’t give me tea, I’ll have to go home and drink it alone,” “Come with me to an important matter in the evening, Agent Page,” “I have your friendship hostage, urgently go to negotiations.” If you and your friend have your own jokes, be sure to include them in the SMS, it will show your warm intention.
If you can’t establish a relationship with your friend this way, leave her alone. This means the time has not come yet. Let him miss you and rethink your friendship. Don't bore her with long tirades about your desire to make peace. You did everything you could at this stage, then the decision is hers.
Mediation and psychology
How to reconcile friends, a guy and a girl, or a girl with a girl, or maybe a guy and a guy? What needs to be done to see their happy smiles again? This tactic is often called mediation. Company executives and parents use it. The essence of mediation is that your task is to reconcile friends through concessions on the one hand.
You must clearly understand that the whole situation will depend only on you. Explain that some kind of quarrel or loss is nonsense in the highest friendship. Remember the bright moments, have a good laugh.
How to make peace with a friend on social networks
The social network is the salvation of modern people. With its help, you can express an emotion, show your mood with music, or send an important video. As a rule, if a friend refuses to reconcile, the functionality of a social network comes to the rescue.
First, think carefully about whether today there is any reason to make peace (her name day, the anniversary of your friendship, the day of kindness, the day of a good person, etc.). On the Internet now every day some event is celebrated. Send her a gift on this occasion, be sure to sign it. For example, today is Tiger Protection Day, send her a corresponding picture with the caption “The most harmful/cute/beautiful/kisula.”
Attach a song to her page that reflects your current mood or has positive emotions or pleasant memories between the two of you. You can sign the song “When you are not there, I don’t see the sun”, “Song of the little mischief-maker”, “Drive away my sadness”, “If you continue to sulk, it will be like in this song :)”. If you have signature jokes that only the two of you understand, great! Connect them.
If you and your friend have your own nicknames, use them! If you call her Pulka, find a picture with this image and, using a photo editor, make an interesting inscription on it: “You hit me in the very heart,” “Your cold is about to kill me,” “Fly to me, my Pulka.” Or come up with a poem with this nickname. This will show your special attitude and melt the heart of even the most unapproachable friend!
Fundamentals of pedagogy A. S. Makarenko
The basis of pedagogy A.S. Makarenko consists of the following components:
Raising children in a team. A collective is understood as a contact group of children united by a common goal, activity, governing bodies and having a connection with the surrounding society.
In addition to the children's team, the teaching team is also of great importance, under which A.S. Makarenko understood the unification of children and adults. Not only adults, but also children themselves act as governing bodies.
Discipline and regime. A.S. Makarenko understood “discipline” differently; in his pedagogy it was not a method or means of education, but a result. The logic of discipline lies in the demands of the team on each of its members. If a person consciously joins a team, then she must accept that his interests are placed above personal ones.
Note 3
A regime is one of the main means of education, which has a number of mandatory properties.
Properties and requirements for the regime, according to the pedagogy of A.S. Makarenko:
- obligatory for each member of the team;
- expediency;
- accuracy.
Labor education. The basis of the entire education system of A.S. Makarenko is labor. Participation of each student in production work is mandatory. Education without participation in work is not possible. For this purpose, an Industrial Technical School was opened in the communes organized by Makarenko, in which children worked 4 hours a day. The basic principle of organizing a commune is self-sufficiency.
The problem of family education
Much attention to A.S. Makarenko paid attention to the problems of upbringing in the family
He wrote and gave many lectures on parental authority, discipline, labor and sex education, etc.
Should you give a gift as an apology?
People have mixed opinions about gifts. Some say that a gift is an excellent reason to return friendship, while others consider it an imposition of obligation.
There is nothing wrong with the gift itself. It will be especially relevant if there is no serious discord between you. In this case, you can simply show up in front of your friend’s door with her favorite fruits, sweets, wine, a ticket to the show and solemnly wave your hand and a rattling bag through the peephole.
If the quarrel was serious, then the gift will be appropriate only in certain cases:
- if it is inexpensive (to eliminate the friend’s feeling of guilt);
- if the gift is chosen according to its meaning (according to the friend’s character);
- if between you it is permissible to give gifts to each other.
If the above points are taken into account, then a gift may well smooth out some awkwardness. Give something that your friend will definitely like - her favorite lipstick, a fresh bouche, a collection of stickers, a balloon. The main thing is not the price, but your attention and effort!
Remember that a gift itself cannot smooth out rough edges and say unsaid things. It only acts as an accompanying detail, but without constructive dialogue it is impossible to make peace.
Is it possible to reconcile friends in an unusual way? How to do it?
A good friend is a person with imagination. That is why he wants to reconcile his friends by any means. Are there any unusual and rather creative solutions to this problem?
You can reconcile the guys in the following ways:
- Play on the patterned thinking of those quarreling and give one of them a gift. It is you who must help the guys take the first step. Of course, be prepared that things will happen to you too, but the first step towards reconciliation will be taken!
- Explain that you love them and don't want them to continue fighting. Just don’t confuse this with coercion! Gently hint to your friends that you are tired of these clarifications and swearing.
- How to reconcile friends? Let them tell each other everything they think about. Choose a secluded, deserted place, scream or cry to your heart's content. Most likely, the annoying quarrel will end with joy and smiles!
