Ohio researchers found that men think about sex 19 times a day. And their British colleagues claim that 62% of men refuse sex more often than women.
If you hear “Sorry, but not today” for the umpteenth time, something has gone wrong...
What exactly? Let's figure it out!
The reasons for such voluntary abstinence can be elementary: fatigue, poor health, omissions in the relationship, or maybe he is no longer attracted to you as a woman...
I'll tell you what's happening to him and how you can deal with it.
So, the most common reasons why he refuses intimacy:
Excess of aromas
Using strong odors kills male desire. Artificial scents are not that important. Many women forget about the natural body odor, which makes a partner more sexy than the best French perfume. It happens that strong and persistent odors clog the sense of smell, especially alcohol-containing substances. This turns a man off.
It is known that each person receives part of the information about his partner by inhaling the odors emitted through the nose. Perfume contains some of the necessary information that excites a man. At the physiological level, be it sexual intercourse or banal hugs, the nose reads information that is important to it. After using any perfume or cream, this part closes, the partner becomes confused and cannot do anything.
Mom, what should I buy for home? - Buy yourself an apartment and live separately!
When parents or children are behind the wall, it is difficult to tune in to intimacy. Young parents don’t have to choose: sex is allotted 5 minutes, unless after the evening feedings and bathing of the baby you pass out halfway to bed. Some couples sleep together with the child, but I generally keep quiet about this.
If you live like a large gypsy family, then most likely all that remains of romance is just memories. Everything happens quickly, without lyrical introductions - what if someone comes in? Or, oh god, hear you moan. Thus, day after day, you dull your feelings and kill your relationships.
Therefore, I insist: living with your parents is contraindicated! A worthy man is obliged to provide his family with comfortable conditions. Have you crossed the 25 mark? - Go and find a place to live!
Read also:
How to become desirable: practical tips that work
He has sex. But not with you
Perhaps you miss tenderness and affection from him for a simple reason - he has another. Treason is a topic for a separate article. Cheating does not happen in a vacuum.
And one more thing: both are always to blame and both bear responsibility too. You need to look deeper for the cause and then solve the problem.
I talk in detail about how to learn to understand and hear a man, how to find out what he thinks and how to behave in a harmonious relationship in my author’s free online course “Man: Honest Instructions.”
He doesn't see you as a woman
Girls, let's be honest! I very often observe a situation where married women simply stop taking care of themselves.
But in vain!
Ask yourself, are you in your best shape right now? Have you recently updated your wardrobe and looked sexy?
In addition to appearance, there is also communication.
If you nag him, make claims, reproach him, get offended, or are in a bad mood, you push him away.
The other extreme is the role of mom. You look after him like a little son. A NORMAL MAN DOESN'T WANT A MOM!
Well, in general, the lack of mutual understanding, trust, and respect in a couple does not add tenderness to the relationship.
Work on yourself, analyze the roles you play in relationships and finally become yourself. And then upgrade your femininity!
This terrible word “intimophobia”...
Girls, many of you think that guys delay intimacy because they have a small penis or are still virgins. But sometimes the reason why a man avoids intimacy is a special psychological condition called intimate phobia. What is hidden behind this term? Experts consider people who deliberately avoid sex or delay it, coming up with hundreds of excuses as soon as intimacy is discussed, to be intimate phobes.
This condition can occur in both sexes. According to various statistics, up to ⅓ of the population of our planet can be considered intimate-phobic. However, since today we are talking about the strong half of humanity, below I will list the symptoms of intimate phobia in men:
- Relationships develop according to one scenario: at the peak of a whirlwind romance, feelings suddenly fade away and the couple falls apart.
- When dating a woman, a man experiences a constant fear of falling in love with her, and therefore ends the relationship for no apparent reason.
- The guy himself can bring the affair to the stage when the relationship becomes deeper, and then suddenly get scared and run away.
Girls, when you say “he refuses me,” don’t rush into hysterics. Remember my words and think: perhaps this guy of yours is a real intimate phobe? Were there any of your exes like that? Tell us about them in the comments, and for now I’ll list the reasons for intimate phobia in men.
No soul mate
Emotional intimacy is also very important in a relationship. It happens that a man does not see or feel emotions or moral support. A problem that arose in bed or in everyday life was not voiced in time. The woman showed no emotion once, then twice, and this developed into constant indifference. The easiest way is to start showing your emotions, even in small things. Then the man will feel morally satisfied and will be more confident in himself, which will lead to physical satisfaction.
We must not forget to praise and extol our man, to cultivate in him a sense of need for the family and superiority over other representatives of the stronger sex.
Perhaps your partner’s views on certain things or acceptable standards in bed have changed. Over time, the spouses have lost common interests; the man does not know what to talk about with his wife or what to do with her. He immediately begins to worry, be afraid, and then simply stops acting. Then sex becomes indifferent.
Two sides of the same problem
Lack of sexual desire is considered to be a women's problem. Although, by and large, for a woman, a decrease in sexual desire can hardly be called a problem at all: the level of female libido in a calm state is already low, it increases, as a rule, only in a sexual situation. A man, being by nature the initiator of sexual contact, is always tuned in to THIS. Unlike a woman, his norm is an elevated sexual mood, and if a man’s sexual desire suddenly decreases or disappears, this is perceived as a catastrophe and pathology. So in the male version, the problem, although much less common, is much more acute.
He wants to sleep
Man is a biological being. By the way, biorhythms, sleep patterns, nutrition and lifestyle in general greatly affect libido.
If he is a morning person and at 21.00 he gets sleepy, and you are an inveterate night owl and you just want a holiday at this time - the point is not that he does not want you, but that he really wants to sleep. Again, if you are the parents of a baby, read point 2.
He wants you. But he wants to sleep more.
An organism that has not had enough sleep is unlikely to be capable of sexual exploits; it is better to give it the opportunity to sleep.
He's bored
If you have explored all of each other's cracks, and sex has become bland and monotonous, it, like any dish consumed too often, gets boring.
I can't appreciate your creativity in bed. But if he began to perceive sex as a “marital duty,” especially if you are not yet married... trouble.
“I need” is not as exciting as “I want.”
If your loved one begins to stay late at work more and more often, avoids your company on weekends and, under any pretext, leaves intimacy - perhaps he is simply tired of your life together in general.
Think about it and analyze your behavior.
If the situation is not so advanced, you can gently introduce variety into your sex life and stimulate desire. The main thing is not to forget that his wishes also need to be taken into account.
He is unwell
This is not necessarily a potency problem. He may simply feel bad, or may have a cold or poisoning, but he is brave.
Or maybe it’s worse... It’s quite possible that he doesn’t want to admit to himself, much less to you, that he has problems. Please note that alcohol abuse and taking certain medications (for example, antidepressants) also deactivate libido.
Stress, depression and excess weight also directly affect a man's sexual performance. If you suspect something is wrong, do not put off visiting the doctor.
