Emotional dependence is a mental state in which a person cannot fully rely on himself. Women especially suffer from it. This happens because they are more prone to experiencing any negative feelings. Representatives of the fair sex are more susceptible to any shocks. Some of them are quite easy to offend if you are not so careful in your statements. The phenomenon of this form of addiction is currently being actively studied by specialists in the field of psychology. Here, first of all, there is instability in feelings. How does emotional dependence on a man manifest itself and how to get rid of it? Let's take a closer look at this issue.
Manifestations of emotional dependence
What signs can be used to determine that a woman has an emotional dependence on a man? Are there any characteristic features? You should pay attention to the following manifestations.
Inability to make decisions on your own
Such a person relies on the opinion of his partner in everything. Even if some trivial issue needs to be resolved, advice is immediately sought. Girls, as a rule, constantly seek support from their boyfriend and consult with him on literally any matter. This is because they are extremely unsure of their capabilities, so they need additional confirmation. From the outside it may seem that they do not have their own judgment. There is a complete immersion in the feelings and experiences of the partner, while one’s own desires are often hushed up. Of course, such behavior cannot benefit the relationship itself. One of the partners constantly feels responsible for the happiness of the other and therefore cannot realize his own interests.
Diffidence
Another characteristic manifestation of emotional dependence on a man is strong self-doubt. It appears due to the fact that the girl constantly scrolls through disturbing thoughts in her head. Many are haunted by obsessive fears that their partner will someday abandon them or exchange them for another. Such behavior significantly darkens life and spoils interpersonal relationships. As a result of constant suspicion, trust is lost, the ability to look with optimism at some familiar things is lost. Lack of self-confidence often leads to dependence on a partner. A woman begins to feel that she herself is nothing. Of course, this is a false belief. A person simply stops working on himself and relies entirely on the feelings of his partner.
Feeling depressed
It is a sign of pronounced emotional dependence on a man. A feeling of depression occurs if a girl has never made an attempt to understand her own individuality. In the case of the formation of dependent behavior, a feeling of personal inferiority often haunts the individual when serious decisions need to be made. Such a woman is afraid to act independently because she avoids being deceived.
Getting rid of addiction to a man
How to survive a breakup with a loved one - advice from a psychologist
How to get out of an addictive relationship with a man? First of all, the initiative should come from the girl herself. Without her desire it is almost impossible to do this. The following treatment methods are available:
- The realization that such a relationship will have no future. After the euphoria passes, only everyday quarrels and problems will remain between the partners;
- To overcome abnormal feelings, you need to try to find another person who evokes sympathy and direct energy towards him;
- Less romanticism, more realism. Communication with people who are not subject to love passions helps to find peace of mind;
- Look soberly at your partner’s shortcomings, understand that he is not an ideal being, but an ordinary person;
- You can free yourself from addiction by throwing yourself into work and physical training;
- Direct your energy in a different direction, stop constantly thinking about him. Hobbies and constant practice of self-development help to overcome attachment.
How to get rid
You definitely need to fight emotional dependence on a man. To do this, you need to take concrete steps to strengthen your own self-confidence.
Development of independence
This is the first and most important step to get rid of any form of addiction. An independent person relies on himself when making decisions. By turning to the source of your own infinite essence, you can come to very unexpected and impressive results. First of all, you should determine your immediate goals and dreams. They are the ones who will tell you the direction in which you have to move. The development of independence begins with the desire to be useful to oneself. After all, if you constantly neglect your own interests, then at some point there will simply be no opportunities for self-realization. It is necessary to start not only taking care of your needs, but also learning something new.
Working with self-esteem
When thinking about how to get rid of addiction, you should not lose sight of the issue of adequately assessing your own prospects. Low self-esteem often prevents people from achieving certain results, even if they really want it. If she is dependent on her boyfriend, the girl experiences a subjective feeling of her own inferiority. Such inconsistency interferes with an adequate perception of reality. A state of emotional dependence often blocks any good endeavors in an individual. Working with self-esteem is about learning to look at yourself with great interest. A woman must be satisfied with her own appearance and achievements. To do this, you need to try to find your own style, start moving in a specific direction that would bring happiness and moral satisfaction.
Own income
Relationships in which there is dependence cannot be called fully prosperous. Indeed, in this case, a person ceases to trust himself. He simply does not know what to do correctly when he is in a given situation. When a woman has her own income, she begins to feel much more confident. It will no longer occur to her to be embarrassed if she misunderstands something. As a rule, such women are distinguished by sufficient self-confidence and determination. They quickly make decisions, without regard to the opinions of others. This behavior protects them from additional disappointments and worries.
Thus, it becomes obvious that one should not allow oneself to become useless. You need to thoughtfully work on yourself, strive to constantly develop, and not stand still. In this case, we can talk about the formation of true independence.
Types of addiction
How to get rid of jealousy - advice from a psychologist for women, issues and overcoming
A woman is an emotional being. The female body is primarily guided by the heart, not the mind. That is why it is so difficult for him to distinguish true love from addiction. However, even in this case, not everything is as simple as it seems.
The attraction to a man can be not only love. Sometimes it can be purely emotional. Many young girls experience a strong connection with their first sexual partner.
Also one of the varieties is material attachment. This does not mean that the woman is a predator.
love affection
This phenomenon has been studied by psychologists for many years. Love addiction is also divided into different types. These include:
- Loss of individuality. When a person completely rejects his own interests and tries to devote his life to his partner. As a rule, a woman in such situations breaks off relations with friends and relatives and finds joy in serving her man;
- Total control by the man. He is the boss of the house. In addition to the fact that the girl completely changes her lifestyle, the guy further strengthens the dependence by introducing restrictions and controlling literally every step of his chosen one. The most famous example is outbursts of groundless jealousy;
- Suppression of personality. The last stage, when a man moves from ordinary jealous hysterics to open aggression and assault, thereby further oppressing the personality of the other person.
A dependent relationship with a man does not end well. At best, partners stay together for several years and then separate. After such an experience, especially the first one, a woman receives great psychological trauma.
love affection
Emotional
This is a softer form of affection. Usually in such relationships a woman simply puts her interests into the background without breaking her own psyche. Although you should not be deceived - emotional attachment is also recognized as a disease and needs treatment.
Main signs of emotional dependence:
- Relegating personal interests to the background;
- The emergence of panic at the thought that the couple will separate;
- The desire to constantly be nearby, to hear a voice, to correspond.
How not to depend on a man emotionally? Since most of the causes of this disorder go back to childhood problems, getting rid of it is very difficult. In most cases, a woman needs professional help from a psychologist.
Material
Financial attachment to a man is also a manifestation of not the most normal relationship. In such a family, a woman does not have the right to decide and allocate funds for herself. Everything is completely in the hands of the stronger sex.
Whether this is good or bad is up to each girl to decide for herself. Financial dependence cannot be called a disease.
In such a situation, a woman should remember that the stronger sex prefers girls who achieve something on their own and contribute to the family budget.
Material dependence
How to get rid of love addiction to a married man. Find new meaning
Dependence narrows the circle of life to a single object - a lover. Expand your horizons and find new meaning in life. It will be useful to volunteer (help the poor, orphans, the disabled, animals, go to cleanup days, plant trees with activists). Find something where you can be useful and enjoy it. In the most difficult cases, it is important that your loved ones support you. Better, of course, is a mother or sister - women who will always understand, hug and say that everything will be fine.
How to find time for yourself?
This is not about visiting a cosmetologist or going to the gym. Time for yourself – a few tens of minutes a day, spent completely alone.
At these moments, you can try to meditate, do breathing exercises, paint a watercolor landscape, think about the book you read. In other words, this time should be devoted to self-development and peace and harmony.
It's important to find a gap in your daily routine that you can stick to consistently.
What is emotional slavery
Emotional slavery in relationships arises quite simply. At first, a woman feels admiration from her partner - he looks after her beautifully, gives flowers, and gives compliments.
After the relationship has taken root and the main passion has passed, the woman feels uncomfortable that the compliments and attentions have ended. The girl tries to do something, but does not receive approval. This leads to even greater despondency and complexes.
More and more often, questions arise in a girl’s head: “What if he doesn’t love me?” "What if he has another one." This relationship can be saved and preserved if the woman stops focusing on the approval of her chosen one.
Important! A man can also relieve a woman of her cravings. You can't always encourage your partner like a little child. However, one should not ridicule failures; this will lead to even greater complexes.
What is the most common role?
As a rule, female “victims” turn to psychologists for help. They often do this under the influence of public opinion. “Chasers”, as a rule, do not notice any special problems, and other people usually envy them. If these are financially secure, socially independent women, then throughout their lives they do not realize that they are dependent.
“Savior” is the most common socio-psychological role. Women “love” losers, guys “with a sea of melancholy in their eyes”, suffering from alcoholism or drug addiction, terminally ill people, “unrecognized geniuses” and everyone else who needs help, pity, care, guardianship. This type of dependence grows out of maternal instinct, and it is very terrible for the female psyche.
A woman with such dependence completely devotes herself to caring for a man, to the point of forgetting about her own appearance, not to mention hobbies, interests, hobbies, and tastes. At the same time, the whole family is “subordinate” to the man; if a woman has children, they are in second place, and she also requires them to take care of the man.
The woman herself is absolutely convinced that “without her, her beloved will be lost.” She needs to constantly “save” the man, protect, protect, “stand guard over his interests.” Such women are convinced that only they “understand” their chosen one.
This form of addiction is scary not only for women. It cripples the psyche of children and completely destroys the already weak personality of a man. A self-sufficient, accomplished, successful husband does not need saving; accordingly, insecure individuals become partners of such women. Over the years, from such a “clogged life” a real tyrant, a domestic despot, grows. This happens because the man is trying to psychologically resist the “savior.”
How to make sure that you are dependent on your partner?
How to understand what prevails in a relationship - love or dependence? In the virtual space you can find many different tests, and in glossy magazines you can find articles devoted to this issue.
But should you blindly trust them? The nature of every relationship is unique. What becomes a pathology in one couple, in another indicates love and respect. It is impossible to measure specific feelings with generalized concepts. Attachment to a person, participation in his life, passion for his interests, manifestations of care and respect - this is not a pathology.
How can you test your relationship without harming it? Psychologists recommend spending some time apart. We are not talking about a weekend, but about a much longer period of time. Moreover, you should refrain from constant phone calls or communications via the network. From a distance, things become apparent that cannot be seen up close.
If a woman is sad and strives to send photos of the surrounding landscapes, tell a man about the interesting place she is in - this indicates love. But if your hand automatically reaches for your smartphone to find out what shirt a man is wearing, whether he ironed it, what he took with him for lunch, what time he returned from work, these are symptoms of addiction.
The mechanism of development of love addiction
The mechanism of development of love addiction is very similar in its stages to the mechanism of development of chemical dependence in alcoholics and drug addicts. First, the stage of intoxication occurs - a person falls in love, experiences attraction, euphoria, delight that he is loved. Then comes the hangover stage and the desire to increase the dose - since some addiction has already occurred and an increase in the dose of love is required in order to get hooked, as in the first stage. Then comes the third stage, which is similar to withdrawal syndrome. This is the fear of losing a partner, and this is where the following phrases come from: “I can’t live without him” or “If he leaves, I will die.” The addict clings to the “beloved” like a drowning man clings to a straw. This is like the last chance in his life. And he does this because the need for care and love in an addicted person is greatly exaggerated, but at the same time cannot be satisfied. This state can be compared to a leaky barrel that you constantly fill, but it is simply impossible to fill it to the top. Also, the addict’s need for love and happiness cannot be satisfied with the help of someone or something.
Sexual addiction
Sexual dependence of a man on a woman is much more common. Guys tend to consider such affection as true love. They go to great lengths to show the girl their feelings. A woman becomes sexually attached to a man much less often. The chosen one is usually the married one.
In search of “diversity,” a man finds himself a permanent mistress with whom he spends his free time. He does not intend to part with his legal wife. You can maintain contact with your mistress by promising to marry her. As a result, a woman who dreams of starting a family with her loved one is simply wasting her time. After a few years of such communication, a replacement will be found for her.
Subconsciously, the mistress understands that the chosen one will not marry her. But strong attachment prevents her from leaving and starting to build more productive relationships. The mistress is driven not by the desire for a full-fledged relationship, but by low self-esteem. A relationship with a married man becomes a way to assert oneself. A woman is flattered by the fact that a legal wife is not able to satisfy all the needs of her husband. However, the cause of infidelity is not always sexual or any other dissatisfaction. Sometimes an illicit relationship for a man is also self-affirmation: several women need him at the same time.
How to define boundaries? What do we mean by this?
Many people are familiar with the concept of an office in the house. The presence of such a room is known from films, books, and someone has encountered a similar room in life. What is its essence? The fact that a person is left alone there is his space.
You need to create something like an office for yourself. Select a corner or room in the apartment that no one will enter. There is no need to combine your space with the kitchen or bathroom. It should strengthen self-esteem, and not be something “incidental”.
The interior in this space should be filled with objects related to the woman’s hobbies and interests. These could be books, porcelain dolls, photographic equipment, drawing supplies - anything. And as soon as a feeling of panic, misunderstanding, fear or other negativity arises, you need to start tidying up your space.
This is a very old and effective way to combat addiction to a man, practiced in East Asia.
As for personal boundaries, this is the definition of your zone of responsibility and comfort, into which a man should not be allowed. For example, you can decide for yourself what breakfast or lunch will be like. You can arrange a mini-garden on your balcony on your own and not consult a man when determining plant varieties. However, you need to understand that making independent decisions is not synonymous with selfishness.
Sexual addiction
A special case of emotional addiction is sexual addiction. She is characterized by an obsessive desire for sexual intercourse. If love addiction is characterized by a painful connection with one partner, then for sexual addiction it is not the object that comes first, but the action itself. Sexual addiction is more common in men. As in the cases of other addictions, for a sexaholic the object of his sexual addiction is a way to escape from reality, from himself and his own feelings. People with this type of addiction are characterized by numerous emotional difficulties: a tendency to low mood, impulsiveness, low self-esteem, feelings of guilt and shame, inner emptiness, the habit of hiding their problems from loved ones, inability to get pleasure from other sources, combination with other addictions, problems with health.
Advice from psychologists
How to get rid of love addiction to men? Most psychologists consider this condition to be a disease that should be treated. If a girl has discovered symptoms of attachment to her partner, she should not fall into despair, since awareness of the problem is a step towards solving it.
You can't try to dismiss the problem. Running away won't solve anything and won't lead to anything. Most experts on the issue of combating love addiction give the following advice:
- One of the most suitable ways to fight is to switch and develop your own interests. It’s worth taking up a hobby, getting involved in sports, immersing yourself in work and communicating with other people;
- You cannot close yourself off from the outside world and withdraw into yourself - more communication, more new acquaintances and self-development;
- Talking with friends helps a lot in getting rid of an internal crisis;
- Aggression should not be present in relationships. If a man is a tyrant, he should be immediately removed from life.
Unhealthy relationship
The psychology of relationships between a man and a woman has been studied for many years. You should not drive yourself and your partner into a slave relationship. This kind of phenomenon does not lead to anything good.
