Plan: — How to survive difficulties in life: 5 stages. — How to learn to take difficulties lightly. — 5 tips on how to cope with life’s difficulties and pain. - Video.
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1) Denial. This is the very moment when we do not want to live with our misfortune, we are afraid of tomorrow and accepting the obvious. Usually at this moment we have to enter into a completely different reality, not similar to the one that existed before. We do not recognize the existence of an insoluble (or very difficult to resolve) contradiction. This period lasts from a couple of minutes to several years. Realizing that trouble has happened and will one day make itself felt (or has already made itself felt), we live oppressed by constant fear and depression. What's important here? First of all, don’t bury your head in the sand. In addition, we should not confuse real trouble with a bunch of troubles or fears that our rich imagination throws at us. If trouble happens, it is not minor and sits in our soul as a huge thorn. If the trouble happened suddenly, but it is fixable, it is important to start solving the problem not immediately, when you are still in a state of shock, but at least a day later, when you spent the night with trouble.
2) Compensation and recognition of what happened. During this period, we ask for help and don’t understand how to continue living, we don’t want to think about the future and try to somehow distract ourselves. Having admitted grief, we experience very strong stress. At this time, everything is seething in us, but we are not capable of any action, since both the processes of excitation and inhibition are working in the body at the same time. Not every organism can withstand this, and the subconscious gets to work, looking for a way out, for example, drawing our attention to another area where there are no difficulties. The way out for negativity is in some conversations, chores, or just a walk. The subconscious thus displaces all the thoughts and questions that torment us. Here it is important to allow the subconscious to work, that is, to distract from the past: know that neurosis does not arise because of a difficult period in life, but because we overwhelm ourselves. But do not be distracted by artificial and strong irritants, that is, alcohol or drugs. In this case you will again get a vicious circle
3) Aggression. What happens during this period? Trouble still sits like a thorn in our souls and controls us. And then we notice that everything is bad with us, but everyone around us is as before. This is where aggression is born. A person can direct it at himself, perceiving trouble as his own fault and becoming convinced of his own inferiority. This is how self-confidence is undermined. If self-esteem is high, a person lashes out at those around him, trying to lower their level of existence and make it worse for those who are doing well. The main thing is not to get stuck here. Analyze what happened, change yourself, whatever, just don’t get stuck in your aggression.
4) Reliving. We begin to relive our misfortune, talk about it and share it with loved ones (or not so much. This is already recovery, and by reliving and telling, we make the grief less significant. If we talk about our misfortune several times, it no longer seems terrible. We also These moments we relieve ourselves of imaginary (or real) guilt for what happened.But you shouldn’t get stuck and put pressure on pity, otherwise you will turn into an energy vampire.
5) New birth. We learn to live with our misfortune on our own. Our task is to turn our thorn into a new part of ourselves. Here you can say a lot of cliches about the fact that what does not kill us, and about the fact that we have become stronger after a difficult period. No, this is now for life and you build it without trouble. It’s just that the entire difficult period in life can be perceived as rebirth.
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Every second person lives better after stress
70% of people who experience a traumatic event will not have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This suggests that our psyche has incredible reserve capabilities.
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According to scientific research, 52% of people who have experienced serious traumatic events have post-traumatic growth, that is, their quality of life improves.
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When a major shock occurs, a person becomes more aware of his true resources. This leads to people starting to develop at a much faster rate. A difficult situation makes it possible to realize basic values, to be grateful for what is, makes a person more open to new things, and gives a feeling of inner strength.
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Loved ones who have gone through difficult times have stronger bonds.
Have you ever wondered what mental pain is?
Mental pain is a natural reaction of the psyche to negative events that disrupt the usual rhythm of life. But often this is a manifestation of hidden, suppressed, unexpressed emotions and feelings: anger, resentment, disappointment, fear, etc. For example, one day you were very offended by your husband, but you kept everything within yourself, and then he said that he wanted to get a divorce. This news comes as a real blow and pulls out that old resentment from the depths of the soul, and it manifests itself with new force. The result is severe mental pain that you feel you can’t cope with.
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It is important to understand that you cannot run away from pain. Unpleasant and even tragic events happen to everyone with very rare exceptions. Therefore, it is necessary to learn to cope with their manifestations so that the negative impact on mental and physiological health is minimal.
Having meaning helps you survive suffering
Stress resistance (or resilience) is not a given, but a quality that is trained through experience. Therefore, difficult situations are a simulator for developing stress resistance.
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Cognitive flexibility—the ability to look at a situation wisely—is very important for proper adaptation to change. For example, the COVID-19 pandemic and the restrictions it caused can be perceived as follows: “We are in a cage! Everyone will get sick! There will never be stability again!” Or you can put it another way: “By limiting ourselves, we protect the more vulnerable,” “Quarantine time can be spent usefully,” “If you are open to this experience, you can find new opportunities,” “This experience will help find a new antiviral treatment,” etc. The first method is maladaptive, the second is adaptive.
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Imagine an egg and a tennis ball. The shock causes the egg to fall and break. And the tennis ball falls, hits, gains momentum and flies further with even greater force. The peculiarity of our psyche is that it can react to a traumatic event, like this ball.
Good adaptation is also facilitated by effective behavioral strategies, for example, active actions instead of passive observation, step-by-step task planning, problem solving instead of avoidance and procrastination. If you are not in the mood, it is important to start doing something important without waiting for the mood to appear. When you start doing something, the mood gradually comes. That is, it works exactly in this sequence, and not vice versa.
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It is important to learn to generate resourceful emotional states: joy, laughter, gratitude, inspiration, pride, intimacy, hope... Activities such as: time with loved ones, shared memories, meditation, creativity, humor, music, sports, retelling human stories to each other help with this. stories that inspire.
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A great exercise is to create an alphabet of mental resources that will help you return to emotional balance: select one resource for each letter. And use at least 5 of these resource activities during the day.
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You need to develop a happy inner child - the ability to celebrate life. Research on happiness has shown that during difficult times in life, a person can feel happy. Happiness and difficulties can coexist together.
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A person is not allowed to be broken by his values, understanding of what we live for and are now going through a difficult stage. Historical changes, for example, are easier to survive if there is an understanding that this is for the sake of the future of children, for the sake of building a new country where every life and freedom will be valuable.
Two quotes from famous people on this matter:
Viktor Frankl , psychiatrist who went through a concentration camp:
“Having meaning helps you survive suffering.”
Carl Jung, psychiatrist:
“A person can survive any suffering provided he can give it meaning.”
Values are not what I want to have, but what I want to be. There are things inside a person that will always remain with him no matter what.
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A person’s close environment is of great importance for good adaptation to difficulties. Support from family and friends is one of the most powerful protective factors. Therefore, you need to take care of close relationships and invest resources in them in good times.
— 5 tips on how to cope with life’s difficulties and pain.
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1) Remember the difficult moments in life. It may seem like a bad idea, but it's not that simple - thoughts of failure bring sadness, but at the same time they help you understand that you can cope with any difficulty. You were able to continue living.
2) Write or tell me how you feel. Keeping all your feelings to yourself can be very difficult. You start to feel lonely. Find someone you can trust, who genuinely cares, and try to share your feelings. This will help you get through the most difficult moment in your life. You can also start a blog. By talking about your feelings with strangers, you have nothing to lose - it seems strange, but in fact it is easier to analyze the situation from a position of neutrality, without bringing in personal emotions. Find your own convenient way and share everything that bothers you.
3) Abstract yourself from the situation. It can be difficult to make rational decisions when you find yourself in the middle of a problem. Of course, you shouldn’t run away from difficulties either, but you also don’t need to plunge headlong into a difficult situation - this way you lose the ability to normally weigh all the arguments and sensibly assess your situation. Try to abstract yourself in every difficult situation and think about everything that is happening calmly. Take a break.
4) Remind yourself that you are not alone. It’s so easy to withdraw into yourself and feel completely alone, but remembering that someone who absolutely loves you is nearby is much more difficult. Sometimes that person isn't around in real life, but you can find support online. No matter who you are, there are people who care, who are ready to listen and support. Sometimes strangers can understand you better than you can understand yourself. Just find this person.
5) Accept the situation and become stronger. No matter how difficult it may be, you should accept the situation and come to terms with what happened - it’s still impossible to change the past. It doesn't matter who is to blame for what happened. Just accept what happened and move on. Now you have new experience that will help you deal with the same problem next time. You will be stronger and will not repeat your mistake. Life goes on, time never stands still, the main decision you can make is the decision to move on. Don't look back to the past, everything has already happened. There is a completely new life ahead of you, not connected with this problem.
The material was prepared by Dilyara specifically for agydar.ru
Keep calm
A light perception of life and optimism help not only to “relax and not worry,” but also to quickly cope with troubles. The advice is simple - you need to take an easier approach to unpleasant events on the path that leads to happiness. Of course, it's easy to say, but hard to do, you say. And you and I completely... disagree. This is only at first glance difficult or impossible. Let's think about it.
Whenever something bad happens to you, what do you do? You get upset, panic, start to worry, and thereby escalate the situation even more. And you just need to relax, take a breath and start thinking about where the way out is. Remember, you definitely have a friend who will say: “Relax, everything will be OK.” And, you know, everything will be exactly like that for him. Why? Yes, because he let go of the situation and got busy with something that would bring results that would cover up all the negativity that had fallen. And at this time you, like a fish on ice, will fight in panic and only aggravate the situation, which in fact may not be so critical. Therefore, here is our advice for you: when it seems that the situation is out of control, remember the words of King Solomon: “Everything will pass, and this too will pass.” Think about it, do you really need to be nervous?
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Look at yourself from the outside
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An effective way to calm down is to look at yourself from the outside. It’s not for nothing that they say: all life is a theater, and all the people in it are actors. Try to imagine that you are playing a role and the audience is watching you. Who do they see on stage, a loser who gave up at the first possible opportunity or a fighter who strives for results? What situation did the hero actually find himself in - irreversible or temporary? This way you can assess the current difficult situation.
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Try not to make “sudden movements”
Having experienced severe stress, we sometimes experience an overwhelming desire to do something to correct the situation. This is a natural reaction of the psyche. Usually we try to do this in two ways: either to return at least some certainty to the situation - or, on the contrary, to escape from it into some brave new world (“I’ll leave and start a new life in a new place”).
Usually, the consequences of rash decisions and the stress from them end up being worse than what you initially experienced. Therefore, if you left your job and are looking for a new one, do not agree to the first offer without going to several more interviews. Avoid panicking and deciding to immediately return to your old job if there are no responses to your resume in the first week. If you break up with your partner, resist the desire to return everything after the first attack of acute melancholy and do not rush to immediately start a new relationship. Having experienced a bereavement, or having learned about an illness (yours or a loved one), think for at least a month or two before radically changing your life: moving, changing your occupation, etc. Such an attempt to escape from a difficult situation and difficult feelings will be unproductive.
What to do instead? It can be very useful to record feelings on paper or give them space in some other way: play sad songs that you associate with your situation, draw, dance. It is not necessary to plunge into melancholy, fear or grief “to the fullest”; it is enough to give your difficult feelings space and a short time - at least half an hour, at least fifteen minutes. It actually heals little by little and makes the situation bearable as opposed to trying to escape from it.
Photos: zakalinka – stock.adobe.com (1,
Narrative stability
Many people do not perceive transformation stories, without knowing why. At least we are at least starting to protest against them.
These happy endings, artificially attached to sad stories, are starting to (very slowly) go out of fashion.
Honestly, I think that's what makes the Harry Potter books so successful: they're dark. J. K. Rowling went to the deep end without trying to make it cloying, cute, or sweet. At the end of the book, there was no happy resolution of all the problems, although the ending is not without beauty. Loss, pain and grief exist in our world and they have not gone away. The heroes carried them within themselves.
Rowling's world is close to all of us because we need stories like ours.
Stories are powerful. Throughout the existence of mankind, mythology, cosmogony and fairy tales have given us images that we rely on and imitate. They helped us find a place for our experiences in the huge picture of the world. And they still help. We still need stories.
And we need a new cultural narrative - one that would truly coincide with our experience, with the content of our soul, more than with a cheap TV movie.
If we are to change the world, if we are to create new, real, realistic and rewarding stories to live, we must reject happy endings.
Or perhaps reframe the very idea of it.
A happy ending to a tragic event like the one you are experiencing cannot be “everything turned out okay in the end.” This is simply impossible.
Know that life changes
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You know that life is diverse and changeable. At first, things are going well, then unexpected obstacles arise - and it seems that life is heading into the abyss. Everything you did before no longer brings pleasure, and at such a moment you begin to remember that life is still very similar to the color of a zebra from the zoo. People’s perceptions of such sudden changes are too different: some float along the river of life humbly, trying not to shy away, but to cover their faces with their hands when the river bed carries them onto a stone, while for others troubles give an impetus, and they more actively begin to achieve their goals. The further course of events depends on the choice you make while in the dark zone.
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Save yourself
It's very difficult to follow these tips when you're stressed. It’s easier to succumb to inertia and wait for it to pass on its own, or (in the most severe case) to indulge in self-destruction. After all, nothing good will happen in life anymore. If you catch yourself thinking such thoughts, remember: your brain is poisoned by pain and is not able to think sensibly. Yes, nothing will be the same again. But life will go on - and only you can choose what it will be like. No one will come with a magic wand and solve your problems.
Your life, your health, physical and mental, is only your responsibility. Start recovering, work with your pain, move forward in small steps - and one day you will realize that all the bad things are left behind, and the hopeless darkness has been replaced by a new day, in which there is room for new desires, thoughts and prospects.
Look at life philosophically
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Almost all problems that seem global eventually become a reason to smile, but only if you abstract from them and do not carry them with you for many years. Trouble is a great motivator to change your life for the better.
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Overcoming obstacles, a person develops if he draws the right conclusions. Remember that sometimes it’s worth waiting it out so as not to make more mistakes. We are not saying that you should sit back and wait for everything to settle down. Just switch, step over and move on.
Remember that everything is in your hands. Create your life!
How to Tell if You're Mentally Exhausted
There are several signs of Mental exhaustion symptoms:
- You get tired quickly.
- You get irritated easily.
- Any little thing can upset you.
- You start to be late often and don’t get anything done.
- You can’t take on the next task for a long time, you’re stalling for time.
- You constantly feel depressed.
- Even simple things are difficult and cause fear and panic.
- You suffer from insomnia or, conversely, sleep a lot.
- You are pessimistic about the future.
- You avoid responsibility and find it difficult to make decisions.
- You find it difficult to concentrate.
Look ahead with optimism
Don’t forget that any, even the most deplorable situation, will only strengthen and harden you on the path to your goal. There is one wonderful phrase: what does not kill us makes us stronger. And it is true. Remember how nervous you were at school because you couldn’t remember some “super-important” chemical formula, how many tears and worries you had to endure. How I was worried at the institute that a guy from a parallel stream for all five years of study never asked you out on a date. Did you smile?
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