The nature of sexual attraction: who controls your...

Why does sexual attraction in a couple where passions raged fade away over the years? What to do if your partner has no sexual desire? And if I don’t want sex myself, is that normal? You will find the answer to these and other questions about sexual desire and its signs below.

“System-vector psychology” is a comprehensive training about the human psyche and not only “about that,” but as far as understanding sexuality is concerned, this is the most accurate information today. In system-vector psychology, there are 4 types of sexuality and 4 types of eroticism. Depending on the presence of one or another “vector” in a person’s psyche, his physiological and psychological attractiveness acquires an amazing, unique mosaic; nevertheless, understanding and seeing the desires of another person is not particularly difficult. But first things first.

What is hypersexuality

Hypersexuality is a condition characterized by increased sexual desire (libido), leading to a high need for sexual satisfaction.
An excessively high level of libido can be a variant of the norm during puberty or for a particular person, a symptom of organic pathology of the central nervous and endocrine system, a symptom of a mental illness or a consequence of psychological problems. Hypersexuality due to various reasons is diagnosed in 3-6% of the general population.

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Manifestations of sexual desire

As a rule, bodily attraction is called libido, but there is also a second side, the lyrical one - this is a spiritual desire that occurs more at the sensual level than at the hormonal-instinctive level. In addition to the main manifestations of sexual feelings, there are also side ones, let’s dwell on them. They are important because they almost always accompany a man when he is in love, a period when he does not notice a woman’s shortcomings, idolizes her, and is ready to do anything to satisfy her needs.

So the main side effects include:

• need for tenderness;
• need for affection;
• desire to protect a woman;
• desire to be close, etc.

In ancient times, when there was no appropriate terminology, the term “platonic love” was used, that is, a man in love does not always want intercourse; it is quite possible for the manifestation of “platonic”, that is, feelings that are disinterested in every sense. According to doctors, bodily desires are controlled by our hormones, that is, it is almost impossible to control them. A person can control mental manifestations, but only to a certain extent: by projecting and imagining certain situations in his mind.

Pathological hypersexuality

Sexual desire is a complex phenomenon under the control of the central nervous system, gonads, and higher nervous activity (self-awareness). Normally, a person is able to control his sexual behavior. An example is hypersexuality in adolescence. Despite the very high level of sex hormones during puberty, sexual behavior is regulated by social norms, consciousness, and fear of the negative consequences of sexual contacts: condemnation of parents and others, unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases.

Pathological forms of hypersexuality, characteristic of organic diseases of the central nervous system or mental disorders, are characterized by the complete absence of any “framework”. Sex turns into a dominant need, for the sake of which the patient agrees to do anything, neglecting the danger of contracting infectious diseases, sexually transmitted diseases, daily responsibilities, career, family.

The development of female homosexuality is somewhat more complicated

For some women, the development of same-sex attraction occurs in a similar way to the male development described above: they establish a connection with their father and other boys, but not with girls, and the need to communicate with their own sex remains unsatisfied. For some girls, lesbianism is a kind of search for maternal love, filling the void that was formed earlier. For other girls, the perception of femininity may be very distorted by their experiences. Perhaps they saw their father beat their mother or humiliate her, and they came to the conclusion that being feminine means being weak, or being a victim. And so they have become separated from their feminine identity because it is perceived as very undesirable and negative. It may be that they themselves suffered. This could even happen during adolescence, such as date rape, or another type of sexual assault, causing them to separate from their femininity or avoid men. Nowadays in our culture, in high school and college, it has become fashionable to say that you are bisexual, and some girls go in that direction more as a cultural trend. Under the influence of incorrect information circulating in our culture, some young people try to experiment with their own gender and this becomes a way of life, because through our experiences we create appetites and desires. Another factor for women is the so-called “emotional dependence”. Women may consider themselves heterosexual and even be married, but they enter into a relationship with another woman that becomes extremely unhealthy. It may start out as a friendship that becomes extremely confusing and becomes overly dependent. It looks like: “I need you, you are the only one who understands and feels me, no one meets my needs like you.” And then it turns into "I can't live without you, I'll die if I don't have you." This relationship can become very obsessive and possessive. And since these women, in their emotional dependence, cross the boundaries of what is permitted emotionally, this can quickly lead to crossing boundaries physically. Before they know it, they find themselves in a sexual relationship.

Causes of hypersexuality

Primary or congenital hypersexuality

The causes of primary hypersexuality, not associated with mental disorders, use of psychoactive drugs, endocrine diseases or pathologies of the central nervous system, are still precisely unknown. Despite this, it is reliably known that characteristics of sexual behavior often depend on polymorphism (variations) of genes that determine one or another aspect of personality.

For example, research has revealed interesting facts: people who have unprotected sex have a characteristic set of genes that differs from that of people who prefer to use condoms. A similar relationship was discovered by other scientists who discovered a connection between the number of sexual partners in a person’s lifetime and the polymorphism of the dopamine transporter gene.

Most scientists believe that hypersexuality is determined by genetic characteristics and environmental influences. In this case, society acts as the environment.

Secondary hypersexuality

Hypersexuality as a symptom can be observed in the presence of the following pathologies:

• Manic depression or bipolar disorder
• Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder - Oligophrenia
• Schizophrenia
• Dementia associated with Alzheimer's disease and other diffuse lesions of the central nervous system
• Use of narcotic and psychoactive drugs (used to treat Parkinson's disease)
• Consequences of previous brain surgery (especially on the frontal and temporal lobes)
• Brain and skull injuries
• Tumors of the central nervous system.

Is homosexuality innate or is it a choice?

- Neither one nor the other. There is so much misinformation about homosexuality in our culture. The myths we hear are simply not true. Many people believe that homosexuality is purely biological and therefore immutable. However, people are not born homosexual - this is just a myth that is intensively propagated in our culture. In the 1990s, there was a huge effort to prove the biological basis of homosexuality, as it might contribute to the Gay Rights Movement, and so there was intense research, but no one ever came to the conclusion that it was due to biology. Dean Hamer conducted a gene study, and the press immediately announced that a gay gene had been found, although the researcher himself never said this. No one was able to replicate his study and so it was retracted. When Scientific American asked him if homosexuality was based solely on biology, he replied, “Absolutely not. We already know that more than half of the variables in sexual orientation are not heritable... It is shaped by many different factors, including biological, environmental and sociocultural influences.” Brain researcher Simon LeVay said the same thing and admitted that he failed to provide any evidence in favor of biology: “It is important to emphasize that I have not proven that gays are born gay - this is the most common mistake people make when interpreting my work. I also did not find a gay center in the brain. We don't know whether the differences I found were present at birth or whether they appeared later." The study, which looked at an Australian twin registry containing information on 40,000 couples, found that if one identical twin is homosexual, about 20 percent or less of the time, the other will also be homosexual. If homosexuality were determined by biology, we would see a much higher percentage of matches, since identical twins have the same biological structure. In fact, there is not a single researcher who will tell you that they have found a biological reason for homosexual attraction. Most researchers say that same-sex attraction is due to a combination of biological and environmental factors, which can be expressed in the following formula:

Even the APA, one of the most influential psychiatric organizations, which sets the not always scientific tone in mainstream psychology, has changed its position from 1998, which stated that the causes of homosexual attraction are largely rooted in biology.

It is very important to spread this information, since the lie about the predestination of homosexuality has the most destructive consequences. Many people who experience homosexual desires do not want to act out or have them, but in our culture they are told: “this is your essence, accept it, you were born this way, nothing can be done about it.” And this lie leads to intense self-hatred and thoughts of suicide. By the way, among homosexuals we see much higher rates of depression, suicide, drug addiction, etc. They justify this by saying that society does not accept them, but this is also not true. If we check the statistics of the most tolerant countries, such as Denmark, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Finland or Sweden, where homosexuality has long been the norm, we will not see any difference. Despite the fact that homosexuals are not born, it cannot be said that the typical homosexual simply “chooses” to be attracted to members of the same sex (although there are some: https://www.queerbychoice.com/). People can choose their actions - whether to engage in homosexual relations or not, but the attraction itself, as a rule, is not chosen.

Forms of hypersexuality

There is no generally accepted classification of hypersexuality. There are several approaches that consider hypersexuality as a variant of the norm, sexual addiction, obsessive-compulsive disorder or obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, mania. Scientists are unanimous on one thing: physiological and pathological hypersexuality are clearly differentiated.

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Childhood hypersexuality

The development of an increased interest in one's genitals and relations between the sexes in early childhood is often unfortunately called childhood hypersexuality. This is a normal stage of growing up, allowing the child to better understand the structure of his body.

In fact, hypersexuality in children is often a symptom of mental illness or a manifestation of psychological problems. The main difference between a physiologically determined interest in natural openings in the human body and pathological hypersexuality is the fixation of the psyche on sexual relations in the form of conversations (the use of indecent expressions meaning genitals or sexual intercourse) or actions (constant touching of one’s genitals, attempts at self-stimulation, masturbation, obsessive interest in the genitals of others). These symptoms intensify when the child is in a state of mental agitation, upset, scared, or experiences other negative emotions.

Bipolar disorder or manic-depressive psychosis is the main mental disorder responsible for pathological hypersexuality in children. In addition, hypersexuality may be a sign of psychological problems arising from lack of attention on the part of parents and family discord.

Hypersexuality in adolescents

As in young children, hypersexuality in adolescents can be both physiological and pathological. In the first case, increased interest in sexual relations, accompanied by sexual arousal, erotic fantasies, experiences, masturbation, is due to functional changes in the endocrine system characteristic of puberty.

Pathological hypersexuality in adolescents can be caused by mental disorders and pathologies: mental retardation, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder. Less often, psychological problems associated with troubles in the family, friction among peers, complexes, and other social and everyday problems manifest themselves in this way.

Hypersexuality in men

According to theatrical superstition, plays about Don Juan, the embodiment of hypersexuality, never fail.

Speaking about male hypersexuality, it should be noted that a high level of libido in itself is not a sign of pathology. High testosterone levels in individuals can cause increased sexual activity, leading to more sexual intercourse over a period of time. In order to differentiate normality from pathology, a number of criteria were developed based on a qualitative rather than quantitative analysis of sexual life.

1. Constantly recurring episodes of mental fixation on sexual fantasies, sexual desire or behavior, lasting more than 6 months.
2. Sexual fantasies, sexual desire, and the search for a sexual partner take up significant time and constantly interfere with other important goals, activities (work, family) and responsibilities.
3. Constant immersion in sexual fantasies, sexual desire, search for a sexual partner, intensifying with a bad mood, anxiety, depression, irritability or boredom.
4. Sexual fantasies, sexual desire or the search for a sexual partner are provoked by stress.
5. Repeated but unsuccessful attempts to control or reduce the influence of sexual fantasies, sexual desire, or behavior in one's life.
6. Repeated episodes of engaging in sexual activity that involves a risk of physical or emotional harm to self or others.

The listed criteria apply to persons over 18 years of age. Hypersexuality should not be associated with the use of psychoactive and/or narcotic drugs, mania, or a medical problem that explains the presence of the disorder. Hypersexuality must have a pronounced negative impact on the patient’s social, professional, personal and other important areas of activity.

All types of sexual activity are important: heterosexual and homosexual sexual contacts, use of the services of commercial sex workers, masturbation, viewing pornography, virtual sex, phone sex, visiting closed clubs, etc.

Hypersexuality in women

Hypersexuality in women is practically no different from the corresponding disorder in men. It is believed that in females the pathological need for sex is much less common. This is partly proven by statistical studies: the majority of patients with hypersexuality are men.

Satyriasis

Satyriasis is a synonym for pathological hypersexuality in men. The term is used to designate the corresponding disorder within the framework of the International Classification of Diseases, 10th revision (ICD-10) under the code F52.7.

Nymphomania

Nymphomania is a synonym for pathological hypersexuality in women. The term is used to designate the corresponding disorder within the framework of the International Classification of Diseases, 10th revision (ICD-10), also coded F52.7.

About sexuality

An interesting fact is that some people arouse a strong sexual attraction in others, while others arouse a weak one. Their presence activates the brain centers responsible for arousal in people.

And this applies to both sexes to the fullest. While a person is at his peak, he is energetic, successful, self-confident, and members of the opposite sex are attracted to him. But if he is depressed, he lacks energy, self-confidence, you should not be surprised why the sexual desire in him or for him has disappeared.

Symptoms and signs of hypersexuality

Clinical manifestations of pathological hypersexuality:

• Compulsive or excessive masturbation;
• Tendency to sexual perversion;
• Attraction to sex with commercial sex workers, anonymous sex with multiple partners (group sex);
• Promiscuity, adultery;
• Excessive passion for pornography, desire for phone sex, cybersex, visiting strip clubs, closed clubs for special interests;
• Tendency to sexual harassment, sexual violence. Often, those detained by law enforcement agencies explain their behavior by saying that the victim of molestation “provoked” the criminal. The reason is that those suffering from hypersexuality tend to see sexual overtones in everything. A visible bra strap or daring cleavage on the victim is regarded as a hint or invitation. Strict refusal of a subsequent attempt to engage in sexual intercourse is regarded as “ridicule, bullying”, and provokes aggression;
• Outbursts of irritability, aggression, anxiety that subside after sexual intercourse.

Diagnosis of hypersexuality

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The basis for diagnosing hypersexuality is psychological techniques, the use of special questionnaires, and the diagnostic criteria indicated above.

Pathological hypersexuality, caused by organic pathology, is a consequence of the underlying disease and usually does not require separate diagnosis.

Treatment of hypersexuality

Treatment tactics depend on the causes of hypersexuality. If the disorder is secondary, the underlying disease is treated.

To treat primary hypersexuality, drug and non-drug methods are used.

Medications to treat hypersexuality

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For drug treatment they use:

• Antiandrogen drugs, drugs of female sex hormones that reduce testosterone levels in men;
• Gonadotropin-releasing hormone analogues that reduce levels of sex hormones in men and women;
• Serotonin reuptake inhibitors are used for obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety, and depression.

Non-drug treatment includes group or individual psychotherapy, suggestion, and other techniques and practices.

Consequences of hypersexuality

Hypersexuality negatively affects all areas of human activity. The disorder causes the greatest damage to personal relationships, if any, or prevents the emergence of new ones. Low self-esteem, constant feelings of shame, guilt, anxiety are the other side of the problem. At the very least, this causes inconvenience for the patient suffering from hypersexuality. At most, hypersexuality can completely destroy a person’s life.

The professional sphere also suffers: instead of working and building a career, the patient spends most of his working time satisfying sexual needs, watching pornography, while looking for a new sexual partner at the workplace.

A recipe for those looking for a long-term relationship

It is possible to bring back the faded passion, but this requires conscious efforts from the couple. There is no need to rely on fleeting animal attraction. We need to build relationships at a higher, human level.

First of all, it is an emotional, spiritual connection. It is easiest for a woman to set the right tone for its occurrence. By revealing her innermost thoughts and feelings to her partner, she encourages the man to be mutually frank. Deep trust and spiritual intimacy arises. Then it becomes not just an attraction “I want a woman”, the man experiences feelings: “I want exactly this woman - the one with whom I feel so good with all my soul.”

When sexual desire is revealed in a couple with a deep emotional connection, natural differences in character become not an obstacle in a long-term relationship, but cause additional mutual interest in each other.