How to achieve emotional maturity? 5 consecutive steps

An emotionally mature person fully accepts responsibility for everything that happens to him, thereby gaining the opportunity to manage himself and his life.

Knowing yourself, your reactions to external events, the ability to describe your feelings and emotions, as well as awareness of why they arise and what is behind them are also qualities of an emotionally mature person. He can consciously and freely choose beautiful, positive and creative states instead of destructive negative emotions and automatic unconscious reactions. Able to feel and understand other people and build harmonious relationships with others.

This seems impossible to achieve. Yes, it’s not that easy, but anyone who wants it can do it.

Integrative human ability

Observing the dynamics of the development of the body, emotional and cognitive abilities, we cannot escape the question of the nature of the driving force of these transformations?

The only obvious and acceptable answer, although it can be proven by philosophical and mathematical logic [6], does not look entirely scientific and provokes a storm of ideological emotions. The answer is: Spirit. However, in order to avoid theosophical disputes, we use the term “spontaneity”. This concept was proposed by Ya.L. Moreno [3], to the proper extent, although with understandable reservations, describes the phenomenon of interest to us

We view spontaneity as the natural internal ability to generate energy for expansive adaptation when confronted with an “other” (not yet integrated into the matrix of reality) object (material or immaterial) in the external or internal world. Being conscious and structured, spontaneity is transformed into meaningful creativity.

On the contrary, unconscious spontaneity manifests itself as explosiveness, impulsiveness, hysteria and anxiety.

The energy of spontaneity can be described as:

1. an evolutionarily acquired, genetically fixed adaptation mechanism1, activated initially by physical existence itself, and later by the loss of the “paradise of physical unity (with the mother)”;
2. a reaction to the frustration of the transition from primary (universal) to secondary (differentiated universal) identity and a passionate desire to return to the lost “paradise of emotional unity (with mother/world)”;
3. a reaction to the awareness of the loss of control when separating reality and fantasy, doer and observer, and the desire for understanding/control of the “paradise of unity of desires, thoughts and actions” of the self;
4. a reaction to the awareness of the need for meaning and the realization of expediency, leading to awareness of the source of the “paradise of spiritual unity (with Him).”

The correspondence of these hypotheses to the proposed four needs and abilities allows us to speak about their complementarity. Thus, spontaneity appears to us as an integrating function.

Build and defend boundaries

Personal boundaries are an imaginary line that separates us from others physically and emotionally; it shows where we end and another begins, how we can and cannot be treated. Good boundaries help reduce stress and protect yourself and your mental and physical integrity.

But setting, let alone maintaining, boundaries is very difficult, especially when it comes to relationships with loved ones. If you are used to pleasing everyone, then realizing that refusal will offend or disappoint them is especially painful. But it’s worth it, because boundaries give us back a sense of security, thanks to them we remain ourselves.

Levels of Emotional Maturity

Every emotion is a consequence of the satisfaction or dissatisfaction of some need, value, desire. When the desired is satisfied, positive emotional responses arise; in the absence of satisfaction, negative ones arise. Since most desires, needs, and values ​​are satisfied exclusively through something external, we can conclude that human emotions play a significant role in their existence. After all, it is with the help of the emotional sphere that the “linking” of the mental system of values ​​and needs with the external environment occurs.

Emotions report the satisfaction of a need (evaluative-signaling function of emotions). They provide “psychological strength” for activity (mobilization-regulatory function). With their help, negative experiences are recorded and positive experiences are consolidated (trace-forming and adaptive functions). It is emotions that give people a feeling of being, of its fullness.

Consequently, emotional maturation is no less significant in human existence than mental development. That is why the degree of emotional maturity of a person is the most important characteristic of his ability to exist fully.

Below are the levels of emotional maturity.

The lowest level is called an emotional block. That is, the emotions themselves are there, but they are not felt by the individual. Their presence is determined by resistance to some actions and the emergence of impulses to others. Emotions can force you to take action or block them. In this case, the individual does not directly feel the emotional message. He is simply unable to stop any action that occurs contrary to a conscious decision, or, conversely, to perform any operation. This state can also be described as vacuum, numbness, emptiness or frozenness. It often happens that the described “elusive” emotions are postponed uncontrollably, leading to affective outbursts, which are again replaced by an “unemotional” state until the next similar outburst.

At the next level, emotions are felt as bodily manifestations. For example, fear is detected in sweating and rapid heartbeat, depression – in chest tightness, anger – in uncomfortable spasms in the epigastrium. At the same time, the emotion as an emotion itself is not felt.

Low emotional maturity is revealed in chaotic experiences. Emotions themselves are felt as a certain level of vague emotional energy, but it is impossible to determine which emotion is being experienced. That is, a person does not distinguish between his own sensations; instead of certain emotions, he feels a “porridge” (mash) of them and tension.

The fourth level is the discrimination of emotions. Here we observe the discrimination and identification of emotions, the determination of the situations that arouse them, accompanying mental activity and desires. A person can simultaneously experience several different emotions, recognizing and distinguishing between them. At the same time, intense experiences distort a sound assessment.

At the fifth level, responsibility for one's own emotions arises. Internal subjective control over experiences, which consists in the understanding that it is not events that force a person to feel, but his feelings are a response to the situation. Emotions do not affect a healthy assessment of the situation or the actions taken. Today this level is considered a fairly high degree of formation.

At the next level, not only the ability to manage an individual emotional response arises, but also empathy - understanding and feeling what other subjects are experiencing. At the same time, the individual clearly separates “his own” from “outside” emotions. He does not experience other people's sensations, but feels what another is experiencing. This level is considered a very high degree of development. In order to reach the next level, you need to learn to “exchange” emotions with other subjects.

Emotional interaction occurs at the last level. A person can not only feel the emotions of those around him, but also fully consciously interact with the environment at the level of emotions.

The emotional maturity of a child includes emotional stability, a low degree of impulsive response, and the development of educational motivation. An emotionally formed baby is able to control the manifestation of his own experiences, his mood is stable, and he is also able to restrain dissatisfaction, grief, and resentment.

As a rule, children have three components of school maturity: social, emotional and intellectual. The emotional component of school maturity is very important, since it can become the basis for a child’s unpreparedness for the school environment, and, consequently, the cause of a whole range of school problems, including his social adaptation among his peers.

This is why it is so important to develop the ability to control the manifestation of individual emotional reactions.

Accept themselves with all their shortcomings and failures

And they happen to everyone, even to the best of us. Bad habits and addictions, mistakes and failures, bad character traits and shameful actions. The difference between mature people is that they do not blame others (family and school, society) for this and take full responsibility for themselves.

They do not engage in self-flagellation, but try to improve, if possible - to apologize, make amends, take into account mistakes. They learn from their own failures, and accepting their flaws makes them more whole.

Bibliography:

1. Pezeshkian N. Psychotherapy of everyday life: training in fostering partnership and self-help: trans. with him. – M.: Medicine, 1995. – 336 p.
2. Pezeshkian H. Fundamentals of positive psychotherapy. – Arkhangelsk: Publishing House AGMI, 1993. – 116 p.
3. Moreno Ya.L. Psychodrama: Trans. from English – M.: Eksmo-Press, 2001. – 522 p.
4. Guide to Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychiatry / ed. Kenneth S. Robinson: trans. from English – M.: Medicine, 1999 – 488 p.
5. Frolov P. Some aspects of the emotional competence of a psychotherapist // Positum. – 2002. – No. 3. – P. 26-40
6. Hatcher William. Scientific proof of the existence of God: trans. from English – Kyiv, 1992.
7. Adam Blatner, Role Dynamics: an Integrative Approach to Psychology and User-Friendly Language – https://www.blatner.com/adam/level2/roletheory.htm, 2004
8. Cary Cherniss and Daniel Goleman “An EI-Based Theory of Performance” From the book “The Emotionally Intelligent Workplace” – https://www.eiconsortium.org/research/ei_theory_performance.htm
9. Boyartzis, R. E. Goleman, D., & Rhee, K. (1999). Clustering Competence in Emotional Intelligence: Insights from the Emotional Competence Invenotry (ECI) – https://www.eiconsortium.org/research/eci_clsters.htm
10. Remmers A. Five Capacities of the Psychotherapist // The First World Conference of Positive Psychotherapy. – Wiesbaden, Germany, 1997. – P. 211-214.

Openness

Nowadays they talk a lot about being open and ready for anything. However, this is a trait that few actually possess. Because true open-mindedness comes down to one thing: the willingness to admit that you are wrong.

Maturity breaks down mental barriers and opens up a sense of liberalism in a person. You no longer divide things into black and white, right and wrong. Your mind is open to many ideas and opinions. You do not judge those who think differently or choose to live differently from you.

You also allow your beliefs to soften to allow for the possibility that you may be wrong at times. You don't value facts as highly, but instead realize that there are many unknowns in the world.