Every person encounters society in one way or another. Kindergarten, school, work, leisure - in every area people interact with each other. Communication occurs at different levels: from banal conversation to gestures and body movements. Probably everyone learned the term “interpersonal relationships” in school; it includes any interaction between people, the purpose of which is clear to all parties involved (at least theoretically).
But humanity is constantly developing, so new languages of communication are inevitably formed. The real phenomenon of human relations is social networks. We didn’t even notice how tightly they entered our lives. Sometimes we don’t think about their benefits and harms, their impact on real life and socialization.
But how much has online virtual communication changed the world? And should we worry about the future? Let's find out!
What are interpersonal relationships
First, let’s remember what the concept of “interpersonal relationships” means. Maybe someone remembered their school days and social studies lessons.
Interpersonal relationships are interactions between a person and other people or groups of people. First of all, such communication includes oral or written speech; Most often we explain our point of view either in words or on a piece of paper.
The concept itself is divided into several characteristics:
- types of relationships;
- groups of feelings;
- forms of relationships.
There are two types of relationships - business and personal, that is, official and informal. When seeking help from law enforcement agencies, we follow formalities and speak with representatives of the law, observing certain ethics. But with friends and family it’s much easier: there are no rules, at least legally.
Feelings are divided into sympathy and antipathy. If a person does not want to communicate, it means that he is showing antipathy towards your personality. Accordingly, healthy relationships are built on sympathy.
Forms of relationships are divided into several categories:
- Familiar . You can know the person by sight, but not say hello or limit yourself to greeting. Maybe you communicate on general topics, but not for long and only during a chance meeting.
- Friend and comrade . These are different things: a friend is not yet a friend, but a person who is clearly not indifferent to us; comrade - a person with whom we collaborate, for example, a work colleague.
- Friendship and love . These are the highest levels of affection: for such people we are ready to do anything.
I’m sure, reading the description of the term, many thought about real relationships between people. Familiar - at least sometimes, but catches your eye; colleague - here he is, spilled coffee on the table again; a friend is always there and ready to support. But in fact, interpersonal relationships have long crossed the line of ordinary communication.
Social networks have taken over the world, and there is nothing surprising here, because with the advent of the Internet, virtual communication was only a matter of time. However, no one could predict the scale.
Why does it occur?
The main weapon of virtual love on the Internet is words. They are capable of evoking a variety of emotions in those people who correspond. And quite often, those communicating see much more meaning in words than the interlocutor actually wanted to say.
Long-distance relationships are like a beautiful fairy tale, written by two people. And they choose their own images, invent their own story and live it every time they communicate. Such a connection allows you to become anyone you want. And the most important advantage is that the real state of affairs, in most cases, remains unknown to the interlocutors.
What are social networks
Initially, the phrase “social networks” was not associated with the Internet. Sociologist James Barnes described the concept as a structure in which social entities (that is, people or groups of people) are related to each other. Simply put, each member will be connected in some way to all members of the social group. For example, a boss knows his subordinates - on a social network they are listed as “branches” of the boss. The “branch” has its own acquaintances.
This term gained popularity and began to be actively introduced into everyday life. Social networks primarily exist in real life. But we’re not talking about them now: we’re interested in virtual communication, although the principles of both concepts overlap in some ways.
And yet, Internet technologies have greatly changed the concept of a social network. On the one hand, the whole world is accessible and you can meet anyone, but on the other hand, there are no real, living people nearby, because all communication on the Internet is often limited to common interests. More on this after a brief history of networking.
Rule 2. Use emoticons
Emoticons - faces and pictures made from punctuation marks, common abbreviations that are often found in messages ("thank you" - are notorious). Many people make fun of them: “They are so cutesy!” But emoticons and acronyms can smooth over certain remarks that might otherwise seem snide or irritated. Whether you like them or not, emoticons serve a very important function - they set a lighter tone. I'm not suggesting that you insert hundreds of them, just sprinkle in a few winks and smiles from time to time so that he doesn't find your wit rude and offensive.
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History of virtual networks
Initially, the Internet was created for “professional communication,” that is, the rapid transfer of important data, and not images of cute cats and puppies. In 1969, the US Department of Defense designed ARFANET, an internal military network. Of course, it was far from the virtual ideal; It wasn't until 1983 that the technology learned how to route data packets, becoming the first network in the world to use the IP protocol.
Secret developments became less and less secret. The Internet gradually penetrated into the homes of ordinary citizens. Still, the network was used more for commercial purposes, and most users did not understand why they needed “this Internet.” But in 1995, Randy Conrads created the website classmates.com, which helped find classmates, classmates, co-workers or former work colleagues. People got the opportunity to communicate with those they had not seen for many years!
Success was inevitable. That period can generally be considered “golden” for many modern IT giants. In 2004, Facebook appeared, initially aimed at Harvard students. But everyone liked the idea so much that two years later the social network became available to all users in the world over 16 years of age. Today Facebook is one of the most visited sites in the world.
How to avoid falling under the influence of scammers
Scammers take advantage of the gullibility of some users for selfish purposes. Men often look for dubious entertainment. Fleeting, fleeting romances come down to drinking alcohol together and physical intimacy. Resourceful representatives of the fairer sex cleverly provoke virtual interlocutors to top up the balance of a mobile phone or bank card, justifying the requests with temporary financial difficulties.
In order to avoid getting into an unpleasant situation, before a real meeting it is better to find out comprehensive information about the interlocutor, talk in person by phone or video call (Skype, WhatsApp). In this way, you can eliminate doubts about the appearance and personality of a new acquaintance. Psychologists do not advise unconditionally trusting strangers who ask for financial help. It is better to trust your intuition and common sense.
Virtual love is a form of relationship that can develop into a happy marriage or disappoint. Internet communication equalizes the chances of people with different types of appearance, social status and income level, but rarely develops into deep affection and long-term relationships.
What social networks exist
The Russian analogues of Classmates and Facebook - VKontakte and Odnoklassniki - have also established themselves in the top visited sites among the Russian-speaking audience (Russian is the eighth language in the world by the number of speakers).
Social networks also include progressive branches - photo networks, video hosting and instant messengers. Vivid examples of original combinations are Instagram and TikTok; they contain photographs or short videos that can be appreciated and discussed.
Today there are many websites and applications with communication functions. Even forums that were popular in the “bearded” years also relate to interpersonal virtual communication.
Dangerous ties
But there is a buzz that is always needed, like a drug. Often addicted people with psychological difficulties enter into online relationships. They can be temporary, due to circumstances, or they can be deep, for example, such as intrapersonal conflicts. And the longer a person hangs in such a relationship, the more serious the reason that caused the need for them.
You should know why such dependence is dangerous:
- A person who lives in fantasy is easy to take advantage of. Surely you have heard stories of people who were deceived for money under the guise of financial assistance by establishing relationships with them on the Internet.
- Destroys the ability to build real alliances.
- If there is cooling in the family, then virtual addiction can completely destroy family life.
- Married men, emotional vampires, sexual philanderers, psychopathic individuals and even people with mental disorders are often drawn into such communication. Girls, be careful!
- And the saddest thing is that while time passes online, real life also passes irrevocably, wonderful events, moments, and most importantly, people are missed!
There is an American program called catfish, where the whole truth about virtual relationships is revealed. This is a program where guys and girls, tired of virtual love, go to look for their pen pal, sometimes only to realize that it was all a complete lie. Often the “other half” turns out to be married or a short blond instead of a tall brunette. Such relationships, built on lies, end immediately at the first meeting.
Naked numbers and facts
The statistics are amazing: as of October 2021, 4.14 billion people use social networks worldwide, which is 12.3% higher than the previous year! It was possible to calculate the average duration of the hobby per day - 2 hours 29 minutes, while 40% use social networks for work purposes.
This scope is provided by mobile devices: more than 70% of content on social networks is viewed from smartphone screens. And these are not schoolchildren at all: users from 25 to 34 years old make up almost a third of the entire audience.
YouTube video hosting reaches 2 billion people, of which 80.1 million are Russian users. VKontakte is confidently catching up - 72.9 million people in Russia alone. Our country also loves Instagram – 54 million (top 5 in terms of traffic).
It turns out that more than half of all people on the planet use social networks in one form or another. Above I touched on the problems of mass integration of social networks, but believe me, there are many more of them. Interpersonal relationships on the Internet give rise to many difficulties, contradictions and inadequate methods of communication. The Internet both unites and divides people, helps and harms.
If we cover full statistics, then the number of active Internet users over the past year increased by more than 7%, and specifically in Russia - by 5%. According to research, every year the average time spent on the Internet increases by half an hour: in 2015 it was 6 hours and 20 minutes a day, and in 2021 it is almost 7. Russian users have taken the lead, spending about 8 hours a day online.
What do people do? Most often they are looking for some information, keeping in touch with family and friends. Following the news closes the top three activities (and this is without even mentioning other popular ways to spend time on the Internet). Naturally, constantly spinning in the information field, a person begins to communicate with other network users, that is, he starts interpersonal relationships.
Rule 4. Trust, but verify
For the most part, people believe that if they do not receive a response SMS, email or voice message, it means that the other person did not send it. In 99% of cases this is true. But from time to time technology fails us. I've had my fair share of inexplicably lost emails over the years, and I think everyone else has too (I'm firmly convinced that Brad Pitt didn't respond to my emails solely because there was some kind of online mix-up). Perhaps I simply didn’t notice some of the glitches because I thought that the person decided not to respond at all. I found errors mainly in business correspondence when I was waiting for an important email. I once sent a message to my literary agent, but after waiting a day for a response, I began to worry that she had died. This woman is very devoted to her clients, her pocket computer is probably already attached to the palm of her hand. When I'm in Europe and she's in Los Angeles, she'll still text me back within minutes, even though there's a nine-hour time difference (and it's three in the morning for her). I know her behavior pattern. One deviation from this model and I already assumed the worst.
But this is business. In your personal life, it is more difficult to understand whether a person is avoiding you or whether he simply did not receive your message. Here's what I suggest you do if a man doesn't respond: Check your spam folder first. If there is no letter there, wait two weeks, and then cast the bait - a test email. Send a non-hostile message like: “I was thinking about you today. How are you?". If he doesn't answer, forget about him. Although, I emphasize, there are interruptions that can justify silence, but the statistics are inexorable: most likely, he simply is not interested in you.
After two weeks of silence, send a test email “How are you?” In this case, you do not risk anything.
I believe that if you send a test email, it does not mean that you are chasing a guy. And what does all this have to do with running around when we are talking about two weeks of silence? If he is not interested in you, then you have nothing to lose. You don't risk anything, because there's nothing to risk. Most likely, he will remain silent or send a polite but sluggish answer. But in that rare case, if the guy did try to contact you (and you are sending your email just for this small chance), then he will respond to your message with a relieved “I’m glad you wrote! Where have you been? Did you get my letter?".
How virtual networks are changing interpersonal relationships
Previously, no one could even imagine meeting a person about whom nothing is known. If someone pretended to be someone they were not, then sooner or later society would find out about it. But on the Internet everything is completely different. Even our friends and acquaintances on social networks present their lives in a different light. When communicating with people in the comments, you may be surprised at the arrogance and impudence of the user, but in reality this may be an insecure person suffering from psychological problems. Of course, this is just an example, but it clearly reflects the modification of virtual interpersonal relationships.
But first, about the obvious advantages of communicating on the Internet:
- Political and social awareness. Television is no longer a monopolist among sources of information. Now you can communicate personally with a resident of another region or an adherent of different beliefs.
- Freedom of speech. Dissatisfaction with government decisions, activist movements and other issues that work in real life work great online. At the same time, politicians themselves also actively express their opinions (for example, Trump was not afraid to write radical tweets, turning everything upside down).
- Economic development. Users can express their opinions about specific products, services and companies. How many times have large corporations had to make concessions because of massive Internet actions!
- Work processes. It is much easier to find specialists online. Communication is simplified, as many issues can be resolved remotely.
- New acquaintances. Sometimes, even among close friends, it is difficult to find someone who matches your hobbies. But there are a huge number of thematic forums, groups on social networks and chats in instant messengers on the Internet. And if you decide to get carried away with something, you can directly communicate with a specialist.
- A useful waste of time. Agree, even from a feed with “memes” you can sometimes pick up useful information. While waiting in line, sitting on public transport or just relaxing, you can explore the world and make new friends.
- It's easier to make contact. Much easier to write, isn't it?
It is important to mention Internet phenomena. A good example is the Gamestop rescue campaign on the Reddit forum; users of the site created a topic in which they called on all concerned to buy shares of the company. Instead of the predicted bankruptcy, Gamestop soared on the stock market, leaving the experienced brokers who were short-sellers out of control. They also help sick people through the network, raise awareness and reveal unobvious problems.
Of course, social networks are a big leap in human development. However, problems arise no less, and sometimes they overshadow all the advantages of virtual communication.
Cyberbullying
Cyberbullying is the same techniques used by school bullies who tease and torment the victim, but now not in the classroom, but on social networks. This could include insults, unauthorized posting of personal information in the public domain, or even the creation of websites and pages where you are humiliated and insulted.
Special cases of cyberbullying include Postnauka: Cyberbullying trolling (provocative mockery known to everyone), griefing (stalking other players in online games to prevent them from enjoying the game) and non-consensual sexting (sending porn content to people who did not ask for it at all). You can read how to protect yourself and punish those responsible in Lifehacker’s special project.
Terrible diseases of the information revolution
Many people have a tendency to run away from responsibility. And this is manifested in the choice of opinion or belief in some facts. Unfortunately, there is less truth on the Internet: most often it is mixed with personal fiction or, even worse, a deliberate distortion of reality. And people believe, especially trust popular personalities. Everyone has faith in goodness, but without critical thinking there is nowhere in this world. A joint study by psychologists from the USA, France, Great Britain and the United Arab Emirates showed that network users trust virtual friends and media figures more, and therefore, without realizing it, they spread false information. How many times have you heard the phrase “we disagree, it was fake”?
The previous point includes a huge number of fraudulent activities that users may not be prepared for. The attacker must be punished, but how can he be identified?
Social networks breed envy. And this is not just a biblical teaching: by posting their best photos, users create the illusion of an ideal life. And others, looking at the beautiful sea breeze or watching dinner in an expensive restaurant, begin to believe that their life is boring and monotonous. The worst thing is that the user may not notice how he develops apathy towards simple joys.
Internet addiction is a proven psychological disease. A constant flow of information becomes a drug: each time a person needs more and more. Therefore, today we are seeing a trend towards short videos (for example TikTok or Youtube Shorts), simple content and an endless feed of photos, news and jokes.
Another form of addiction is satisfying the need to be loved through social networks. A person can become obsessed with the number of likes on a photo and flattering comments. For example, almost all of Instagram is built on narcissism. This is a very serious problem, since the Internet still cannot replace real recognition from friends, family or colleagues. Why does a person have a false sense of satisfaction?
Experts from the University of Georgia found that such a user experiences feelings similar to friendships with people we know closely. Therefore, a person experiences the illusion of constant support and connection with understanding people. Socialization in real society suffers from this, and emotions become more vulnerable; As soon as someone expresses a negative opinion, the person becomes despondent and even depressed.
Children and teenagers who accustom themselves to constant correspondence may experience difficulties in real communication.
Above I touched a little on the topic of trolling. Some may think this is harmless fun, but in reality it is a serious problem, because words can hurt very deeply. And if in real life you can get caught under an article about humiliation of human dignity, then on social networks it is problematic to prosecute a user for offensive words. Children are at risk: having stumbled upon a “troll”, a child can be seriously harmed and receive psychological trauma.
Another problem is cooperation with law enforcement agencies and transfer of data to third parties. Although it is difficult to identify a person on the Internet, the site owners have information about each registered account. And if the authorities are at least trying to catch criminals, then leaking personal data to criminals is a truly terrible practice. Fortunately, many users filter information and think about safety without posting their entire lives on the Internet.
Rule 1: Set standards from the beginning
The lively exchange of emails, texts and instant messages is intoxicating, so be sure to establish communication norms and boundaries with your guy from the very beginning. This is important because miscommunication and sudden silence can not only cause confusion, they can cause the flame to go out. If you go to extremes (say, twenty emails in a day or ten texts in ten minutes) after the first or second date, you will end up disappointed.
To date wisely, start by setting a reasonable texting pace. If you both get used to the fact that the answer comes in a minute or an hour, then every deviation from this schedule will be considered an alarm signal. One of you may decide that the other's interest is waning. Deliberately vary the amount of time between question and answer for the first few weeks and tell him directly: “Sorry, I don’t check my email very often.” If irregular correspondence becomes the norm from the very beginning, then there will be no anxiety and negative emotions in the event that you cannot respond immediately. Plus, your boyfriend will always be anticipating his response (which is the Holy Grail in a relationship).
To date wisely, start by setting a reasonable texting pace. And also time limits.
When you're messaging at the pace you've set, don't suddenly disappear for twelve hours, but tell him straight up that you'll be disconnecting. Saying “good night” or “goodbye” before you leave sets another standard for your correspondence. If one of you suddenly becomes silent, you will both understand that something prevented you from saying goodbye, and you will not feel inconvenienced when you call and find out if anything happened before everything goes to hell.
