How to start communicating on the Internet

This article is about how to properly start communicating on the Internet, social networks, chat and contact. Here the Russian folk trick of starting a conversation with any people by correspondence is revealed.

In general, the Internet is a somewhat new topic for people, but in large cities everyone has long been on this Internet up to their ears, now on smartphones, and now only there they can be found.

It can be easier for the person sitting next to you on the subway or on the bus to write something on WhatsApp, Viber or VKontakte, and he will answer you faster. And, no matter how you look at it, you increasingly have to start communicating with new people using electronics.

In this way, you can start a conversation with your future soul mate, a strong friend, a business partner, an employer, an employee, a hobby buddy, or a neighbor. It’s now easier to meet even your next-door neighbor on VK than in the yard.

In order not to become history, as the dinosaurs did in their time, it is vitally important for us to master this skill.

We will begin our applied article with an overview of the current situation in communication. Let's look at its pros and cons.

Total gadgetization of communication

And, of course, all these electronic means of communication are far from the most sincere way of communication, on the one hand. On the other hand, they allow you to communicate at a distance. And in a big city, people and friends began to meet even less often, because these modern gadgets make communication easier.

Because you know what's going on. Either a friend will send you a video with his daughter, or you will send him photos of your homemade product. And it seems like everyone is communicating, even communicating even more than before. There are these advantages.

On the other hand, if you give small children all these gadgets, then they very quickly become terribly capricious and irritable. I try to make sure they don’t even watch cartoons too much.

When children don’t remember cartoons, well, good, it’s better to go for a walk, make some kind of stool, play with a toy train or make one out of chairs... Well, something real, material, and not virtual, digital.

But, nevertheless, the age of digital gizmos and such communication, it is inevitably gaining territory and somehow we need to interact with this whole economy. And now it often happens that future spouses meet on the Internet.

By the way, it’s easier to find like-minded people this way. For example, some club for lovers of butterflies, hang gliding, cross stitch, rock climbing... Someone is going to go to the mountains in Crimea, for example. It’s much easier for him to find guys on the Internet: from all over the USSR: Russia, Ukraine, Kyrgyzstan, Belarus, Kazakhstan - he gathered a team and went. Everyone came together at the right time and went on a hike. All the guys came together like this, cut from the same cloth, as they say. Cool!

And to do this you need to be able to start communicating with people on the Internet. This is an important skill. Still, these are not only evil, but also good, useful, convenient things. It’s like an ax: you can chop off heads with it, but you can also chop off firewood. Or you can build (cut down) a house with an axe.

Be original

You can write the words “hello, how are you”, but you are unlikely to be able to stand out from the crowd of other “writers”. Therefore, if you still have the courage to enter into a dialogue, then show originality. Think about what exactly the first message from you should be. Perhaps a playful posing of the question in the spirit of “I see you like alpine skiing, but how do you spend time in the summer without snow?” will help attract the attention of the man you like and thus start a dialogue. You should not start a conversation with the phrases: “What are you looking for here?”, “What are your plans for the evening?”, “I also like to drink” - this is unconstructive and rude. Reputation on the Internet is also a reputation.

How to start communicating online with the right clothes

When you start communicating with someone, on the Internet, as elsewhere, you meet them by their clothes. There is a dress code accepted in the business world: suits, shoes, ties, white shirts. For example, a guy in a suit and with a backpack will look a little ridiculous in some places, but normal in others.

In the end, if you have to travel two hours to work, then you will spit on the convention associated with a case; it is much more convenient with a backpack if there are several transfers, and you also need to sleep on the train. Life simply won’t be any different if you don’t adapt to certain conditions. And this leaves its mark.

In some places suits are accepted, but in others it is so inconvenient that business people have long given up and do not use such a strict style of clothing. This is all typical for each individual community of people. There are certain rules and general requirements that we try to comply with. If you want to start communicating with someone, then you, too, must correspond to this.

For example, you want to gather people to go on a hike near the Crimea, so put a photo on your avatar where you are hiking in the Crimea or on some other hike: with a backpack against the backdrop of nature, in hiking clothes. It will be immediately obvious that you are a tourist, not just walking around the Moscow region, but a normal tourist, with a serious backpack that is higher than your head.

But this is conditional, in fact, I only went out in the Moscow region for 1-2 days with a backpack. And then my friends took me with them, knowing that I was not an expert in these matters, and the route was easy, for me, so as not to bog me down, so that I could reach the finish line. Therefore, it is difficult for me to judge what is happening already in such military campaigns, you know better. The hike is just an example.

For example, what else could it be, you invite someone there, you are looking for investors, perhaps they can also be found on the Internet. Maybe this is the shortest way, maybe not. I don’t know, maybe personal communication would be more correct. But let's say on the Internet. Then we need you to take a photo in a suit and tie, everything is as it should be.

Dress for the weather: special talk

I have a friend, and he has two photos: one of him climbing in the mountains somewhere, and the other of him in a suit. And when he needs, he uses them depending on what he needs: today he is in the role of an entrepreneur, he has a lot of extraordinary ideas - and he “puts on” a suit: he poses a photo in a business style.

But tomorrow he will already be a noble hiker. And in fact, he walked through the mountains, God grant everyone what they say. And he was on the verge of death more than once, but when he starts telling stories, you will listen.

And so, in order to communicate with other people, so that they understand what you are talking about and all that, you change your avatar, adapting to a specific task. This is where the screening immediately happens: if you need guys who will go with you on a difficult, serious hike, then all the fluff will be eliminated quickly.

And you don’t need those. Why do those who are used to spending their days on the couch watching TV with beer? They won’t communicate with you; their pride won’t allow it. It’s also like you’re no match for you, or you’re no match for them. Well, good and right. What happens here is that someone will want to communicate with you, someone will not, someone will be drawn to you, and someone will not.

I never managed to run in the mountains. Although our guys, classmates, are such distinguished hikers, and the guys there are generally so serious, they climbed Everest, Elbrus. As they begin to tell what is there and how it is - there is a guard.

To be honest, after some of the stories, I didn’t want to go there: it was just scary, to be honest. You have to want it badly to go there. And a team is needed. Some people love mountains, while others like to weave bast shoes. Well, that’s what drives him, and that’s good.

Compliment

When you pet cats, do you notice how much fun they feel? What about dogs or other animals? Have you ever wondered what this means to them and what need it satisfies?

So, you and I - people - also need strokes. For us they mean acceptance, recognition, gratitude, love, care. Psychological stroking is approval. It can be expressed verbally or non-verbally.

Claude Steiner, a student and follower of Eric Berne, created the whole theory of “stroking economy”. Its essence is that a person needs emotional stroking in the same way as satisfying physical needs for food, sleep, and so on. Receiving them, he feels emotional satiety, psychological stability and healthy physical development. But the system existing in modern society is built in such a way as to create a shortage of this resource, because people “hungry for emotions” are easier to manage.

According to Claude Steiner, there are five types of self-inhibitions in the stroking economy:

Don't give strokes when you want to share them with someone.
Don't ask for strokes when you need them.
Don't accept strokes when you want to accept them.
Don't refuse strokes when you don't need or like them.
Don't give yourself pats or brag.

No matter what we claim, we vitally need the approval of others - our spouse, boss, mother. Even with fairly independent self-esteem, we are social beings, and we all need psychological stroking, regardless of age or position.

We are constantly seeking attention from society:

We write posts on social networks.
We dress nicely.
We do something “not like everyone else” (for some, the charge - plus or minus - is not important, but the fact of contact, attention to his personality is important).

Such strokes mean to us that the world cares about us. And one of the easiest ways to pet a person is to give him a compliment. However, it’s easy to say, but much more difficult to do.

Once at a training in Tambov, I gave the participants a task - to give a compliment. A hand immediately flew up; one of the participants wanted to try first.

Your glasses are so beautiful! The vision is bad, right?

Everyone in the hall laughed because they remembered the conciliarity that I spoke about.

Our mentality lies in the desire to go straight to tart coffee without unnecessary “foamy preludes.” We are so afraid of a stranger that we unconsciously rush to become our own, close to him, using words that cause pain.

This compliment stands alongside the following:

You are very beautiful! Not like your sisters.
You work so hard! Even bags under the eyes appeared.

But some do not shun very dirty manipulations, which must be immediately rebuffed:

No offense, but you're not that beautiful.
Learn to accept criticism.
Well, where are you with your appearance?
Get yourself together, you're like a wuss! If it weren't for me, you would never have become who you are!

If you hear a similar phrase, know that you are being manipulated.

Unpleasant words, right? Many people don’t like to give compliments not because they don’t like them, they just don’t know how to do it.

There are two technologies for giving a compliment.

ZOOM technology

We find any dignity in a person and, as in the case of a camera, zoom in on a specific detail. For example, it could be a sense of style, an athletic physique, or pleasant energy.

Examples of compliments:

I really like your taste in clothes! Especially the combination of dress and earrings.
There are three things that I can look at endlessly - fire, how others work and the charming dimples on your cheeks.

Unfortunately, in our mentality it is normal to respond to a compliment with, say, “Your dress is so beautiful!” with a modest excuse: “Nothing special. I bought it yesterday at a sale.” If you happen to communicate with such an interlocutor, in this case do not try to object to him, saying, “It’s not even noticeable that it’s cheap,” it’s better to say or write: “I am absolutely sincere. You are beautiful!"

Technology "History"

Its essence is to emphasize a specific human or professional quality of the interlocutor, which reveals him from the best side. But this will only work if you have experience of co-living some event.

So, to the person who is always the first to volunteer to give his acquaintances a ride home, you can say:

You know, I admire the way you take responsibility for other people! I remember how one day we were late at work/party, and you were the only one who agreed to take me home. It costs a lot. I'm sure your loved ones are glad that they have you! I appreciate you!

Start questions:

You dress very stylishly! Did you study or is it a natural talent?
What an unusual shape of glasses, it suits you very well! Where can I buy the same ones?
You have very strong energy! Next to you I feel fulfilled/complete. Do you do any practices?
Where did you buy such a fashionable jacket? I want one for myself too.
You have a athletic figure! How long have you been going to the gym? What sport do you do?
You're so smart!

Where children are taught how to communicate on social networks

For example, we have a school nearby where children are taught in such a way that they can communicate on social networks without any problems. They just don’t develop complexes related to communication. The same communication blocks that are placed on children in regular schools.

This is both a school and a kindergarten at the same time. And parents gathered there who want their children to grow up and learn in a creative environment, so that they are not bothered with homework. This is how it was done, for example, in Finland.

To have a sufficient number of children: not God knows how many are needed, but enough to rent a house and pay teachers. And the teachers gathered there, by the way, were very worthy. For example, there are graduates of Moscow State University, Gnesinki.

And one of the teachers’ name is Tatyana. I have a three year old son and try to get him to do something to clean up after himself. I can't do it yet. One day I arrived early and had to wait 15 minutes for the kids to finish playing. And Tatyana told me, come in and watch how we play here, and the kids will have more fun.

And now I see such an amazing picture. Tanya asks my son to clean up, but he has zero emotions. She asked him to do this 5 times, calmly and kindly. Then he sees that it doesn’t work. Maybe it was because I was present, I don’t know. And she said to him: “I’ll help you,” and she began to clean up, and he began to clean up with her, imagine.

When do you really need to start communicating?

But in fact, school years are a happy time. And so as not to ruin this happiness, parents did this thing for their children. And, of course, it all depends on the fact that there are a sufficient number of families who take part in this, so that it is not difficult for every family. Because this is not a commercial event, but an ordinary cooperative.

I made a sandbox there, my wife looks after the finances. There is an organizer there who recruited teachers and negotiated rent. Everyone does everything they can to make it easier. Because if you hire a specialist, it’s money. And here, everyone invests, the school-club is a non-profit.

There is a school nearby, a public one, where children calmly pass the exam when the time comes. No one spoils children’s lives; they learn beautifully, smoothly, coolly, and playfully. And the time spent in this school is much less than in a regular school. That is, half a day, 3-4 times a week.

This is a completely different oxygen, this is not drill, but the education of a free person, in the good sense of the word. There are also additional classes if desired, but what is most valuable is that there is no homework. Simply fantastic!

And imagine such a cool thing, you need to somehow convey it to other people on the Internet in order to attract new participants. Usually women deal with this issue, and men are more busy getting money, and women are already looking at how best to accommodate children and so on.

Accordingly, what photo to put on your avatar, how to start communication. Let's start with the appearance. It is probably better when a woman is with a child, a child of preschool or school age. If this is an infant, then this is a little out of profile, after all, this is a school.

You need a photo with a child who is 6-7 years old or older. And then the person will immediately see that there is a child, and he has the same one. Oops, oops, oops. And communication begins. And, for example, a person wants to attract participants to such a school cooperative. We start with appearance – with our avatar.

If a girl, for example, was into rock music and rode a motorcycle, several years ago, until she met the man of her dreams. And now they have children - it’s great. But, probably, a photo in leather on a motorcycle will not be the topic if you want to attract families specifically to participate in such a family education club. Then you still need a different photograph: something suitable with a child, something calm, even, homely and cozy. Or maybe a funny photo with your child.

Which is better

according to the questionnaire

Take a close look at the profile of the person you like. Any information in the questionnaire is a reason for conversation. Perhaps the person loves an obscure movie that you have also seen. Or you’ve been to a country you dream of visiting.

I myself usually clung to something in the questionnaire and asked: “Do you really save cats / have you flown to Iceland? Tell us about it!”
Anya, met on the Internet at the age of 17–18, was looking for a relationship

Olga Lukinova, author of the telegram channel “Digital Etiquette”

Try to simultaneously show your interest and give the person the opportunity to express their individuality. “How did you take such a photo for your avatar?”, “How long have you been interested in dancing? You have so many photos from your performances!”, “Do you also like snowboarding?” This will all show that you are interested in communicating and have done your homework.

Come up with a simple question that reveals your character and hobbies

Ask the person what is not in the questionnaire, but what is important to you and will help you understand how compatible you are. For example: “What is your idea of an ideal day off?” It will immediately become clear what a person is interested in in his free time from work, what he likes. Through such questions you can learn a lot about a person in a light conversation.

Simple phrases that help to immediately reveal a person as a person work well. Like “What would you choose: the sea or the mountains? Or summer or winter?
Sophie, 24, matches on Tinder because she needs attention

Offer a playful form of communication

For example: “Choose a number from 1 to 5, and I will tell you the fact about yourself that is hidden behind it.” Collect facts in advance that are not in the questionnaire so that the person is interested. This technique will be remembered and will make your message stand out among other dialogues.

Be yourself

No matter what clever tricks you come up with, sincerity and humor work best. If the person is yours, he will catch the wave and reciprocate. Many of the girls we talked to had a conversation that included “Hello, how are you?” The main thing is not to try to seem like a different person.

How to successfully start a conversation with a frontal attack

To start a conversation, you can simply knock directly. You see that this person is suitable, you are interested in him, you would like to get to know him. Then why not try saying “Hello”? The most important thing here is not to overdo it. There is no need to immediately write a kilometer-long text and overwhelm a person with a bunch of messages.

Once upon a time, some guy on the Internet, my namesake, by the way, began to actively communicate with me. And for some reason he decided that I was proficient in the topic of website development. Well, I told him that I’m not serious about this. And he told me: “Come on, why be modest.” I, however, was not ready for such pressure.

I then posted a video on Instagram about our kids talking about their drawings. We had a marathon like this - we published these videos. And so he likes them and writes comments... To be honest, he just annoyed me.

Such attention to my person was damn unpleasant for me. The man went overboard with the outgoing flow towards me. And he probably had good intentions, but he fucked me up. Well, you shouldn’t start communication so aggressively. And this applies not only to the Internet.

Just knock and say “Hello”, leave something on the wall, a heart, a smiley face – try to start a conversation. If he responds, then gradually the conversation may turn to how children should learn.

I wrote to a person once, wrote to him again. And slow down. Wait for him to answer you. It is important to give the person room to maneuver: he should also have the opportunity to say something. Or not to say.

Total: how to start communicating with a person on the Internet? You need to choose a suitable avatar, then touch him, and not too much: turn to him, greet him. Don't load it, cast the line and wait for it to respond.

News

Another thing that unites you is news. Something happened in the city, in the world. Of course, you shouldn't start a heated political discussion, but mentioning something simpler can help quickly start a conversation.

10. “What do you think about (topic relevant to event or person)?” I may be biased, but the news is a great tool for establishing rapport.

11. “I can’t believe all the headlines this week. Crazy, right?

12. “How did you get here? Was it difficult to get there?” The method of movement from point to point is a hot topic. Surely they will tell you a story.

13. “Did you watch the match yesterday?” It's a classic, but there are reasons why it became a classic.

How to start communicating with people and not splash them with a fountain of emotions

At one time I had an idea, they began to implement it, and then I still didn’t really know how to competently start communicating with people. Volunteers were needed to take part in this. You write to them so cheerful, joyful, like, “We have such a cool thing!” And no one answers you. It's as if you didn't write anything.

That is, there are too many emotions at the beginning of communication and it can easily not work. People are not always in a great mood to rejoice at your wonderful greeting.

They are more likely to answer if you write to them exactly, in a calm manner. This is another point regarding the presentation of your emotional appeal. It should not go too far beyond the boundaries in which this future interlocutor of yours sits.

It is important to use an appropriate emotional tone. Some will respond to the message in anger, others in fear. Some people will appreciate a constructive, business-like approach. For some – bored, idle, lazy. To the third - a cheerful, joyful greeting.

Look at the mood of this person’s posts on his page. How he communicates in discussions. And you will understand on what wavelength to write to him.

Here, by the way, you can see that this person’s wave does not suit you at all. For example, you would not want children from this family to study with yours. On this parent's page there is a rare selection of horror films, specific trash - well, he went into the woods.

Why waste time on it at all? This is such a person. His world is like this, and yours is different. And if you see that this is a normal dude, you can talk to him.

Topics to avoid when communicating

There are a number of topics that are considered indecent to discuss with strangers. This doesn't just apply to the Internet. But for some reason, it is in it that the rule of the taboo is sometimes forgotten. So, on what topics is it better not to ask questions, and in general, skip them at first:

family,
former relationship,
sex,
material well-being,
health,
policy,
religion,
nationality,
personal troubles,
war and violence,
death.

As you can see, some of these topics are too personal, some have a pronounced negative connotation, and some affect the worldview of the interlocutor. Without knowing a person, it is very easy to offend him or bring him into the negative, even without meaning to, by touching on this or that topic from the wrong side.

How can you smoothly enter communication by correspondence?

It is not at all necessary to immediately communicate by correspondence directly with this person. Group chats are a great way to start communication. You can comment on photos, participate in general discussions, share thoughts, ideas - which is what we don’t have right now.

So chat there. And if a person also wants to communicate, then he will join this conversation if he is interested. And gradually, this way you can really get to know a person - he will recognize you, and you can move on to personal communication.

For example, this girl writes in a general chat where homeschooling is discussed: “Yes, it’s not a problem to agree with the school and take exams once a year. My parents and I teamed up, hired teachers and made an agreement with the local school - every year the children take exams.”

And the other mother answers: “Oh, how interesting! But we also wanted this home schooling, but we were somehow afraid, there are so many incomprehensible things there...” And here you can already take the bull by the horns: “What if you come to us, together with your child, try for a day, let’s get to know each other”

And this mother, it turns out, lives in the next house, can you imagine. So she came with a pie, we drank tea together, the children played. Who feels bad, well, even if she doesn’t join the common cause, it doesn’t matter, good relations with neighbors are also important...

Or you can just like it, repost it - and this way the flywheel of your communication with this person will slowly spin up. In short, you need to start communication softly. Otherwise, the person will simply get scared, and you will only make things worse.

Smoothly, in some thematic common places. Don't go too far. If you like every photo of him and write comments everywhere, then he will simply block you and that’s it. Put yourself in his place, what kind of attention would you like from a stranger?

Fun things

We don’t recommend starting with a joke like: “Where did you find such a dress?!” But when meeting new people, a little humor can help relieve tension and start a pleasant conversation.

18. “I can’t believe I came to this event looking like this!” A little humor and self-mockery never hurts.

19. Some kind of joke - for example, “I personally came here for these cakes.” Then - “How did you find out about this event?”

20. “On a scale of 1 to undrinkable, how terrible is this Chardonnay?”

21. “Honestly, the only person I know here is the bartender. We met a couple of minutes ago. May I introduce myself?

Basic rules of communication on a dating site

Today, it is increasingly possible to meet lovers who met via the Internet. In the virtual space you can find a chosen one for every taste. If your goal is relationships, family and marriage, then you should be careful and communicate with men correctly.

Asking the right questions to a man

At the beginning of dating, it is better to avoid questions about relationships, sexual preferences, and eroticism. Try to talk about general topics, don’t be shy and be the first to ask questions:

What is the most pleasant and memorable gift you have ever been given?
What outstanding personality have you ever met in person?
Do you believe in horoscopes and predictions for the future?
What qualities do you value most in the people around you?
Do you have a lot of friends?
Did you get the education you wanted?
Did you like doing chemical experiments at school?
How do you prefer to spend your weekend?
Do you watch sports matches on TV?
What day of the week is happier or more productive for you?

Choosing topics for conversation

Guys like girls who can support any topic and ask the right questions in a timely manner. The art of conversation can be learned throughout your life, gradually approaching perfection. You can talk to a stranger about the following topics:

Ask to talk about interests and hobbies.
Discuss how you like to spend your free time.
Tell him about your favorite book or movie.
Ask about his plans for the future.
Talk about your favorite vacation or holiday destinations.

Already at this stage of communication, common interests may be found. They will help you continue communication more relaxed and natural.

Flirting correctly

Flirting is mood, lightness, openness, sincerity.
It allows you to find out how attractive a guy and a girl are to each other.

How to flirt correctly with a pen pal on a dating site and hook him?

Start a conversation with any question, even a meaningless one. Wait for an answer.
Send him a flirty compliment, but try not to be corny.
Try not to start flirting in the morning or during work hours. Wait until the evening, at this time a person is more relaxed and inclined to communicate.
Don't act stupid, don't try to seem like someone you're not.
Know how to have fun and enjoy life, interest a guy in a good mood.
Don't be afraid to tease him lightly.
If he doesn't mind, come up with a cute nickname for him.
Don't let him get bored or forget about you. Try to communicate with him every day, but avoid intrusiveness.
Let him know that you are interested in him and that you don’t forget about him throughout the day.
Try to avoid vulgarity and sexual overtones at this stage of communication.
Don't send him intimate photos.

Interesting article: why guys don't meet girls.