10 tips from personal growth coaches that psychologists called dangerous

Trainings: good, bad and different

- Hello! We are starting the training - “How to quickly earn 500 thousand rubles”! To get started, answer two questions. First: how much does a ticket to our training cost? - A thousand rubles! - Great. How many seats are there in the hall? - Five hundred! — Thank you everyone, the training is over.

There are plenty of fake trainings like this, throw them out the window. In modern language this is called “selling an information product.” They are conducted by people who are not really knowledgeable about anything except the ability to sell air, empty words and elementary truths. Going to such trainings is just a waste of time. You can recognize fake “trainers” by an unnatural smile, the absence of documents on specialized education and any achievements other than the duped hundred or two clients.

A completely different matter is training aimed at developing certain skills or helping to understand your relationship with yourself and with the surrounding Universe. Some of these classes are taught by real specialists who have their own expertise, extensive experience and scientific degrees. Usually, all information can be verified by searching the Internet for reviews of those who have already completed the training or confirmation of the truth of titles and regalia. In such self-development classes, you can really discover your talents, get rid of complexes that interfere with your life, learn useful techniques and gain new experience.

Choosing a personal growth coach

There is no universal recipe for development; this process is always fraught with difficulties. If you choose the right coach, you can greatly simplify the process of achieving your goals. How to do it?

To understand what a specialist is, you need to analyze:

1. A blog maintained by a trainer.
2. Materials in the media or other Internet resources.
3. Real reviews from participants.
4. Recommendations from people who have extensive experience attending similar events.

For a coach to truly lead to development, he must have the following traits:

1. Strict, but not rude. He respects the participant, but is demanding.
2. Attentive. Each person has his own reasons (not excuses, but real factors) why he does not achieve success. A competent coach should take them into account.
3. Has a sense of humor. Helps relieve the emotional stress that will definitely come in the process of working on yourself.
4. Persistent. Only this quality should not manifest itself in imposing one’s point of view. The coach needs to persistently achieve the task.
5. Motivating. The goal of a coach is to help a person help himself. He does not offer his own plan of action.

Important! A lot of men and women go to personal growth trainings without real intentions to develop. They are looking for a magic wand that will instantly improve their life. But that doesn't happen. Nothing can replace constant work on yourself. All psychological concepts are based on this.

Founding Fathers of the Science of Success

Many believe that the emergence of the cult of success is directly related to the so-called American dream, that the American dream is success embodied in money. However, this statement is far from the truth.

The phrase “American Dream” was first mentioned in “The Epic of America,” a weighty book by James Adams that he wrote in 1931. In it, the author writes that the people of the United States have “the American dream of a country where every person’s life will be better, richer and fuller, where everyone will have the opportunity to get what they deserve.”

This pursuit of happiness is the American Dream, and that has always been the beauty of it - it is still happiness.

a much deeper and broader concept than the opportunity to earn more money. The creators of the Declaration of Independence—religious people, by the way—understood this very well.

Why do you need to develop your personality?

A person lives a full and conscious life , making decisions taking into account his own and those chosen as authoritative, but not unquestioningly perceived by someone else’s experience, adequate logic.

Such a person is not particularly concerned about the opinions of others about his actions.

That is, he is not inclined to engage in self-criticism for trivial reasons, such as a sidelong glance on the street, because of heard rudeness from an outcast, or an inappropriate statement addressed to him about his preferred style of clothing.

Therefore, in principle, each of us should have the desire to develop our own personality as a priority desire.

Why trainings are often useless

Because miracles don't happen. It’s not enough to experience the insight: “This is it! Now I understand what I was doing wrong!” Even if you now know “the right way,” nothing will change. Because knowing is not enough, you also need to DO. But this can be very difficult. In humans, even the survival instinct is not as strong as the desire to do everything “as usual” and not “as is correct.”

And it often turns out that a person wanders through trainings, gaining all kinds of information about “how to do it right.” But he continues to live “as always,” gradually gaining despondency and irritation - “These trainings don’t give anything.” All you need to do is take one step - from theory to practice. From reading the instruction manual to the ON button.

Beliefs that can be heard at self-development trainings

And finally, let's look at the most common false statements that are resorted to in personal growth trainings, apparently wanting to have some kind of motivating effect on the audience. Motivation is, of course, good, but if you take such statements at face value, they can often not only not bring any benefit, but even cause some harm. Now I will show you this with examples.

Lie #1. You can achieve anything you want, the main thing is to want it! Very often during personal growth trainings they try to instill in a person something similar. However, you should not take such statements too literally, because sometimes achieving success requires certain inclinations that someone may absolutely not have.

This can actually lead to serious psychological trauma. Therefore, of course, you need to strive for success, but only by adequately assessing your capabilities. No one can achieve everything, everything, everything.

Lie #2. Changing yourself and your life is easy! In fact, of course not! It’s difficult, and how difficult it is! But the trainers say this, probably, so as not to scare the person. After all, if we tell the truth: serious changes are very hard work, which not everyone can do, then most people will simply immediately lose any desire to change.

Any changes in oneself are always associated with certain sacrifices and leaving the comfort zone that a person had previously created for years. Therefore, as a rule, they are very difficult, and there is nothing easy there.

Lie #3. You can quickly achieve perfection in what you need! That's also not true. It takes many years to truly achieve perfection! The rule of 10,000 hours, repeatedly proven by various researchers, tells us this - it is this time spent in practical exercises that is required to bring the level of mastery in a matter to a high degree of professionalism. Convert these hours into days and years, based on how many hours a day you will devote to the desired task - and see your real time frame for achieving perfection.

If a person leaves a personal growth training convinced that, say, in a month he will become a professional in something and achieve great success, then after this month he will be deeply disappointed. And often it is also accompanied by some kind of losses, for example, monetary ones.

Lie #4. Self-hypnosis and money attraction techniques work! Sometimes during personal growth trainings they can describe all sorts of self-hypnosis techniques and techniques for attracting money based on Feng Shui, esotericism, horoscope, etc. Something like that you need to bury a coin under a money tree somewhere during the full moon, water it and read mantras at the same time, and then wealth and success will definitely come to you. Moreover, they will give many examples of people for whom this really works, including themselves.

Of course, all this is very far from reality. If similar techniques work for someone without any additional actions, this will probably be more of a coincidence than a pattern.

To attract money, you need to earn it in different ways. If you simply repeat the mantra “I am rich” every day before going to bed. Money comes to me. I feel their energy...", etc., without taking any action to earn money - I assure you, this will not give anything. Well, if you don’t believe me, of course, you can try it and see for yourself.

Lie #5. You can repeat the path to success as a coach! Very often, during personal growth and self-development trainings, trainers give many examples from their personal lives, and they can even be quite truthful. They can tell you how they changed their life, how they found their dream job, how they learned to earn money and invest, etc. And what helped them in this.

At the same time, training is often built on the principle “If it helps me, it will help you too!” But this is absolutely not true. The fact is that each person is individual and perceives and reacts to different processes and phenomena in completely different ways. Therefore, what may be a salvation for one may be simply disastrous for another!

In conclusion, I would like to draw the following conclusion, paraphrasing the famous phrase from advertising:

I will end here. I wish you good results in whatever you strive for! See you again on Financial Genius - bookmark the site, there is a lot of interesting and useful information here.

Training for teenagers (sample version of school training)

Discussion, sociometry.

Lesson No. 4

Our feelings.

What are sensations and feelings?

This is one of the most difficult questions to hear. We will try to discuss this problem with you today.

At the origin of all feelings lie sensations, a consequence of the excitement of the body. Sensations constitute the first level of our emotional life - these are unconditional reactions of the body: pain, thirst, hunger. It is necessary to distinguish sensations from the feelings accompanying them. Often the question: “How are you feeling?” you can hear the answer: “I feel bad, I feel stomach cramps.”

Feelings constitute the second level of our emotional life, reflect our attitude to reality, help us contact the world around us, people, and our own body.

The third level is the highest feelings that appear at the moment when a person relates his life to the highest values: a feeling of guilt, a sense of injustice, a sense of self-worth, a sense of strength, etc. The experience of higher feelings entails many feelings and sensations. Imagine that you have overstepped your moral principles, for example, you are honest, and suddenly you lied. You begin to feel guilty, you begin to feel anger, shame, etc., you may even feel physical pain (head, stomach). This example shows the close connection between all three levels of our emotional life.

Most often we are in contact with our feelings. Thoughts, ideas, behavior are specific reflections of feelings with the help of which we can change our actual image, and this affects our feelings.

For example, let's imagine that you are going to a dance with a girl (guy), but you are tormented by the thought that your (your) partner will say that you are a bad dancer. In this regard, instead of joy, you will experience fear, shame, embarrassment. It is important to understand that thinking and judging feelings are not feelings.

Often the question: “How are you feeling?” people answer: “I think it’s good.” People talk about what they think, not what they feel. Many people confuse feelings with behavior. For example. It seems to others that you are sociable, that you have no problems, because you amuse everyone, communicate with everyone, and dance. And you, in turn, can feel tension and excitement.

Annex 1.

Appendix 2.

We have learned a little to name our feelings, now let's talk about how to identify them. We usually identify feelings by their signs - verbal and behavioral: tone of voice, facial expression, gestures, eye contact. A good actor can express his feelings to the audience with just a gesture or a look. In order to recognize feelings, it is important for some time to think rationally about the situation we have experienced and compare it with generally accepted models. Consider the feelings of “worry or fear.” What happens to your imagination if your feelings concern the future, what might happen? This means that fear and anxiety require you to imagine what you would not want in the future. No matter how long you search for these feelings among your past and present experiences, you will not be able to find the situation in which these worries and fears appeared.

To feel fear in the present, you need to go back to the past. Try to imagine an undesirable situation. For example: an exam for which you have not yet prepared; skydiving; declaration of love to a girl you just met, and her refusal. Remember this feeling, pay attention to the behavioral signs that accompany it, to the emotions that arise during this. Let's try to understand this better using the example of regret.

For this feeling to appear, let’s use our imagination to return to our past. It will be enough to remember what has passed us by. For example, you didn’t win a winning sports lotto ticket.

To feel boredom, let's focus our attention on the present. We imagine something that is not there. We can simultaneously experience a whole range of feelings, it depends only on our sensor of feelings. In order to increase its sensitivity, it is necessary to train the recognition and naming of feelings.

How to express your feelings?

The answer is - as best you can. Talk about how you feel, not what you think or believe. Expressing your feelings is essential for your mental health and your development. Most interpersonal problems arise from the misuse of feelings. People try to muffle, distort, hide their feelings. Creative expression of feelings is quite troublesome, as people ignore their own feelings and the feelings of others. When you see someone crying or sad, do you want to go up to him and calm him down: “Don’t cry, don’t be sad”? Someone gets angry, and we say: “Calm down, pull yourself together.” People find it difficult to talk about their feelings

since this carries a certain risk: someone may reject them or may have power over them.

There are two ways to express feelings: verbal - through words and non-verbal - through behavior. We'll do it verbally. Anyone who does not know how to correctly express their feelings expresses them indirectly: either by sticking labels on others (when angry, calls the other self-centered or obstinate; when happy, calls the other a nice person; when preoccupied with something, considers the other too harsh), or gives away orders (“Shut up”), asks questions (“Is it safe to drive that fast?”), makes accusations (“You don’t care about me at all!”), or sticks nicknames, uses irony, praise, criticism, etc. Such a person does not name his feelings, he hides them (anger, uncertainty, fear, bitterness, etc.). A constructive expression of feelings should relate to “I” and contain the name of the feeling: I’m sad, I’m sad, etc…..

Appendix 3.

How to control your feelings?

“Why should I control the expression of my feelings? After all, I must become more expressive and open! They said that I should share the wealth of my inner world...”

Yes! You may doubt it. But to control does not mean to muffle, distort, hide.

Control is a conscious, generally acceptable expression of one’s feelings. You must be able to express your anger in a way that does not offend others. If you name what makes you angry, that’s acceptable – “The way you talk to me makes me angry!” The best way out is to recognize and express your feelings without invading someone else's territory (without causing harm to others).

Appendix 4.

Uncontrolled outbursts of emotions can be harmful both to you and to those around you.

Lesson No. 5

Methodology “Questionnaire of professional preferences” (modification of the Holland test).

Each person, according to his personal qualities, is suitable for a certain type of profession. This modification of the Holland test, based on correlating types of profession with a person’s individual characteristics, is intended to help choose a profession, taking into account, first of all, personal characteristics.

See Attachment

Lesson No. 6

Today I would like to talk directly about you, what are you like? How do you feel around others, how do you think others see you - peers, teachers, parents? What would you like to change in yourself to please yourself and others?

Exercise “Who am I?”, “What am I?”

"Around the Circle"

Purpose of the exercise: to help understand the underlying causes of discrimination, pitfalls and possible consequences. Odd number of participants. First there is random movement around the room; On command, participants need to pair up. Everyone who has found a pair unites in a circle; one ends up around the circle. Instructions: participants in the circle should not let the one outside the circle inside; accordingly, the latter needs to get inside by any means; anyone who misses will be kicked out of the circle. Game duration: 10-20 minutes. At the end, the participants share their feelings, and the conversation smoothly turns to the topic of discrimination. Next, you are asked to recall a situation when participants were subjected to some kind of harassment. Participants share this experience in pairs or tell several situations to the general circle. Attention is drawn to how we react when observing a situation of discrimination, what feelings prevent us from being more fair and how we subsequently pay for the arbitrariness committed (feelings of guilt, regret, bitterness, shame, etc.)

"Carousel"

Purpose of the exercise: - developing quick response skills when making contacts; — development of empathy and reflection in the learning process. The exercise involves a series of meetings, each time with a new person. Task: it’s easy to get in touch, keep up the conversation and say goodbye. Group members stand according to the “carousel” principle, i.e., facing each other and form two circles: an internal stationary one and an external mobile one. Examples of situations: In front of you is a person whom you know well, but have not seen for quite a long time. You are happy about this meeting... There is a stranger in front of you. Get to know him... There is a small child in front of you, he was scared of something. Approach him and calm him down. Time to establish contact and conduct a conversation is 3-4 minutes. Then the presenter gives a signal and the training participants move to the next participant.

Discussion, sociometry.

Lesson No. 7

Effective Communication Skills

Role-playing game “Smoothing Conflicts”

Purpose of the exercise: to develop skills in resolving conflicts. The presenter talks about the importance of such skills as the ability to quickly and effectively resolve conflicts; announces that now it is worth trying to experimentally find out the basic methods of conflict resolution. Participants are divided into threes. For 5 minutes, each trio comes up with a scenario in which two participants represent conflicting parties (for example, quarreling spouses), and the third plays a peacemaker, an arbiter. The facilitator brings up the following questions for discussion: - What methods of conflict resolution have been demonstrated? — What interesting discoveries did the participants use during the game, in your opinion? — How should those participants who failed to smooth out the conflict behave?

Typical listening techniques:

1. Deaf silence

2. Uh-huh-assent (“uh-huh”, “uh-huh”, “yes-yes”, “well”, nodding the head, etc.).

3. Echo - repetition of the last words of the interlocutor.

4. Mirror - repetition of the last phrase with a change in word order.

5. Paraphrase - conveying the content of a partner’s statement in other words.

6. Inducement - interjections and other expressions that encourage the interlocutor to continue the interrupted speech (“Well, ...", “Well, what next?”, “Come on, come on,” etc.).

7. Clarifying questions - questions like “What did you mean when you said “eschatological.”

8. Leading questions - questions like “What-where-when-why-why”, expanding the area touched upon by the speaker; often such questions are essentially leading away from the line outlined by the narrator.

9. Ratings, advice

10. Continuations - when the listener interjects into the speech and tries to complete the phrase begun by the speaker, he “prompts the words.”

11. Emotions - “wow”, “ah”, “great”, laughter, “well-well”, “sorrowful face”, etc.

12. Irrelevant and pseudo-relevant statements - statements that are not relevant or related only formally (“but in the Himalayas everything is different” and follows a story about the Himalayas, “by the way about music ..." and follows information about the fees of famous musicians).

After reading the list, the presenter invites the “storytellers” to describe the listener reactions they observe and classify them based on the given diagram. The most frequently used reactions are identified and their positive and negative aspects in communication situations are discussed. In the context of the lesson, it is appropriate to present a three-fold listening scheme: “Support - Clarification - Commenting” and discuss the appropriateness of the appearance of certain reactions at different stages of listening. Thus, at the “Support” tact, the most appropriate reactions seem to be, uh-huh, assent, echo, emotional accompaniment, at the “Clarification” tact - clarifying questions and paraphrases, and assessments and advice are acceptable at the “Commenting” tact.

"Dispute"

The exercise is carried out in the form of a debate. Participants are divided into two teams of approximately equal size. Using lots, it is decided which of the teams will take one of the alternative positions on any issue, for example: supporters and opponents of “tanning”, “smoking”, “separate meals”, etc.

Team members take turns expressing arguments in favor of a particular point of view. A mandatory requirement for players is to support the statements of their opponents and understand the essence of the argument. During the listening process, whichever team member whose turn is next to speak should react with yes-no and echo, ask clarifying questions if the content of the argument is not completely clear, or make a paraphrase if the impression of complete clarity is created. Arguments in favor of your team’s position are allowed to be expressed only after the speaker in one way or another signals that he was understood correctly (nodding his head, “yes, that’s exactly what I meant”).

The presenter monitors the sequence of speeches, ensuring that the listener supports the statement without skipping beats, paraphrase, using the reactions of the corresponding beat. You can give explanations like, “Yes, you understood me correctly” most easily by simply repeating the words of your interlocutor, and you can make sure that your understanding is correct by paraphrasing his statements. Warn participants against trying to continue and develop the thoughts of the interlocutor, attributing to him words that are not his.

At the end of the exercise, the presenter comments on its progress, drawing attention to cases where, with the help of paraphrase, it was possible to clarify the positions of the participants in the “debate”

"Dispute in front of a witness"

Students are divided into groups of three. One of the trio members takes on the role of observer-controller. His task is to ensure that the disputants support the statements of their partners, do not skip the second bar (“Clarification”) and use “other words” when paraphrasing, i.e. he performs the same functions as the leader in the previous exercise. The other two members of the troika, having previously decided which of the alternative positions they occupy, enter into an argument on the topic of their choice, adhering to the three-fold pattern of dialogue. During the exercise, participants change roles, i.e. The role of observer-controller is performed in turn by all members of the troika.

15 minutes are allotted for the exercise.

At the end there is a general discussion. Sample questions for discussion:

• “What difficulties did you encounter in using the scheme in conversation?”;

• “Were there any cases when, after a paraphrase, the position was clarified?”;

• “Which of the partners did not understand the other - the one who spoke or the one who listened?”

Discussion, sociometry.

Application.

Lesson No. 8. Discussion of subcultures

I want to talk to you today about a fairly mature and serious topic - subcultures. I would not like to define an unambiguous attitude towards any subcultures at the very beginning; I would like for us to develop some kind of position in relation to them in the process of familiarization and discussion.

It has always been and will be the case that young people, teenagers searching for themselves, perceive the world around them differently. By uniting, young people form subcultures. There are many cultural groups that have interests, views, styles and lifestyles that differ from the mainstream.

A subculture is a grouping of people based on some interest or characteristic. The easiest way is not to discuss this problem, by banning its discussion and hiding behind the canons of “traditional” culture and tightly cutting off everything new and unusual. But we live in a complex, changing world, where one of the main things is the ability to understand another, to look at someone else’s world with an open mind. I really want you to understand everything you heard correctly, in the sense that this is an introductory description, some information and in no case is propaganda of subcultures, such as fashionable youth trends, associations, etc. You and I will discuss this problem in order to know what dangers may await you if you fall into any group of people based on principles. Therefore, we will discuss subcultures, trying to objectively find both disadvantages and, possibly, advantages in them.

Bikers

Some researchers mistakenly attribute this subculture only to the sports variety of the youth movement.

The biker movement is not only racing on motorcycles, as ordinary people, shocked by their appearance and therefore afraid of them and treating them with a warning, imagine. Having originated far from Russia, in the USA, this movement, having been transferred to our soil, was assimilated in the conditions of our reality, acquired national features, and took root in Russian reality.

By the end of the 90s. in Moscow there are about three thousand bikers and about 10-15 thousand more boys and girls of the “circum-biker crowd” with more or less regularity participating in the development of this subculture.

Their musical style is hard rock. The subculture of bikers is closely associated with young people and teenagers who are simply interested in technology, motorcycles, cars, go-karts, scooters, who get pleasure from practicing technology, racing, and finally, just from a quiet ride in a good car and pay much less attention to the paraphernalia and rituals of biker ideology.

Metalheads

Metalheads are probably the most popular of the modern youth movements. There are at least three directions of “metal” - trash, doom, death. The appearance of the “metallists” is almost the same as that of the bikers. Of all the colors, preference is given mainly to black. Metal workers are characterized by the presence of a large number of rivets and chains in their clothes.

Of all the movements, metalheads are the least ideological; in some ways they are close to punks, but without contempt for material values. Goths Goths are representatives of the gothic subculture, inspired by the aesthetics of the gothic novel, the aesthetics of death, gothic music and consider themselves to be part of the gothic scene. Representatives of the movement appeared in 1979 on the wave of post-punk. The goths channeled the punkish shocking behavior into a passion for vampire aesthetics and a dark view of the world.

The characteristic appearance is ready

Black clothes.

Black long hair. The face is unnaturally pale (with the help of powders).

High lace-up shoes, boots or other informal footwear.

A black corset, tight-fitting black arm ruffles and a black maxi skirt (for girls), antique clothes, flared sleeves, leather clothes (depending on belonging to one or another branch of the subculture).

Spiked collar.

Gothic aesthetics is extremely eclectic in the set of used and popular symbols; you can find Egyptian, Christian and Celtic symbolism.

Punks

Punks (from the English punk - garbage, rottenness, something unnecessary) are to some extent antagonists of hippies, despite the fact that they have a lot in common with them. Representatives of this subculture belong to the anarcho-nihilistic movement.

In terms of social composition, unlike elite hippies, most punks are children of working-class areas, although, of course, there are exceptions. They differ in appearance and form of clothing: the standard punk hairstyle is considered to be a “mohawk.” Punks prefer torn, dirty clothes. You can often see a punk in jeans, where strips of fabric alternate with holes secured with pins and chains. When it comes to footwear, punks wear mostly army boots.

With the arrival of show business in the country, the punk movement split. Nowadays “The King and the Clown”, “Cockroaches” and “NAIV” are emerging as leaders.

Rappers

Rap began in the mid-70s as a way of expression for low-income working people. New, absolutely revolutionary music was heard for the first time on the streets of the black neighborhoods of New York.

The most distinctive feature of the new generation of music was the broken beat - created by DJs using turntables and electronic equipment, and the presence of vocals, which was then very rare for vinyl-electronic music. Vocals were usually provided by people such as MCs. With their speeches, these rap “singers” posed the question to the whole society about where this world is heading, and what hole it has already fallen into.

Scouts

Scouting is a game, only a game of life with objective and invented scout rules. The place of this game is all real life with its difficulties and problems, personal and social interests. Literally, scouts do everything that other people do, but everything that scouts do is filled with a special meaning, which allows us to call this “game with special rules” - scouting.

Skinheads

The beginnings of the current skinhead movement first emerged in Germany in 1939. After the defeat in the Second World War, German Nazism was beheaded, and only during the Berlin Wall was it able to raise its head - first in East and then in West Germany. The first mentions of skinhead groups date back to that time.

It is also worth mentioning the English skinheads, from whom the Russian Nazis trace their ancestry.

It is built on two fundamental ideas of Nazism: the total superiority of the Aryan (white) race over any other and the idea of ​​Eugenics - the science of removal (destruction) or sterilization of sick individuals to improve the gene pool of the nation. A prerequisite is also the clearing of the territory from people of other faiths and foreigners.

Hippie

One of the oldest youth subcultures in the world. The hippie movement developed in waves. The neophytes of the movement are young people aged 15-18, mainly schoolchildren and junior students. Moreover, girls make up approximately two-thirds of this movement. The appearance of a hippie is quite traditional: long flowing hair, combed in the middle, jeans or a denim jacket, a disproportionately large knitted sweater, sometimes robes of an unspecified color, and around the neck - a small leather handbag decorated with beads or embroidery. On the hands are “baubles,” that is, homemade bracelets or beads, most often made of beads, wood or leather. This hippie attribute has gone beyond subcultural boundaries, spreading among young people.

The hippie language contains a large number of English borrowings, such as “battle” - bottle, “flat” - apartment, “hair” - hair. In addition, the frequent use of diminutive suffixes and words that have no analogues in the literary language to denote specific concepts characteristic only of hippies is characteristic.

Part of the hippie ideology is “free love” - with all the ensuing consequences: pregnancies, abortions, sexually transmitted diseases, the spread of AIDS.

Hippies are pacifists. Favorite slogans: “Peace, friendship, chewing gum”, “Make love, not war.” They typically have disdain for material values, such as money and expensive things.

There are dangers lurking in all subcultures; they force you to act purely according to their ideas and perceptions. Psychoactive substances are often used, which should immediately alarm and repel.

So, we have heard information about the most famous subcultures that probably caused you some opinions and thoughts. Let's talk about what all subcultures have in common, regardless of their name. What exactly unites people into any groups, forces them to do something in common, why do different subcultures appear and succeed? In your opinion, what is better for you - individuality or belonging to a group. What dangers do subcultures pose and why should they be avoided?

Identification of general patterns - cause, effect.

Discussion.

Lesson No. 9. Development of the ability to classify, identify analogies, etc.

I say what I see

Purpose of the exercise: replaying the situation of non-judgmental statements. — Description of behavior means reporting the observed specific actions of other people without evaluation, that is, without attributing to them motives for action, assessing attitudes, or personality traits. The first step in developing descriptive rather than judgmental language is to improve your ability to observe and report your observations without making judgments. - Sitting in a circle, now you observe the behavior of others and, in turn, say what you see regarding any of the participants. For example: “Kolya sits with his legs crossed>, “Katya smiles”. The facilitator ensures that value judgments and inferences are not used. After completing the exercise, it is discussed whether there was a tendency to use estimates often, whether the exercise was difficult, and how the participant felt. 10 minutes

There are words in which the order of the letters is deliberately mixed up. Which one is superfluous: rosip, evshal, nanba, solam, club?

— The following letter combinations are often found in telegrams: ZPT, TChK, KVCH. This is how comma, period, and quotation marks are written in abbreviation. The technique that is used here is omitting vowels.

Letters are also missing in the phrases below. Enter them into the text to make it clear:

Kshk ducked behind his mouse. Tsly day t brdl p ls. What a wonderful color! VVK nstpl n klchk. Sklk here chlk. In ksms pltt sml. Khrshnek comes to him. Did you cry? V vgn bl mng ldy.

— If some letter, say “l,” disappeared from the Russian alphabet, a lot of unusual words could arise, for example: koba (flask), pash (cloak), baon (balloon), sovo (word).

Determine which letter is missing in the following words and read them correctly: cat, put, sweat, koido, ing, shtoa, pata, kishka.

Eliminating extra words

Any three words are taken, for example “dog”, “tomato”, “sun”. It is necessary to leave only those words that denote similar objects in some way, and exclude one word “superfluous”, which does not have this characteristic. You should find as many options as possible for excluding an extra word, and most importantly, more features that unite each remaining pair of words and are not inherent in the excluded, extra one. Without neglecting the options that immediately suggest themselves (exclude “dog” and leave “tomato” and “sun” because they are round), it is advisable to look for non-standard, but at the same time, accurate solutions.

The task teaches classification by properties.

Selection of antonyms

From the proposed words, make up antonymic groups, including words with opposite meanings.

1. Truthful. 2. Vertical. 3. Export. 4. Micro. 5. Vanguard. b. Generous. 7. Careless. 8. Eccentric. 9. Import. 10. Loose. 11. Swift. 12. Stingy. 13. Gross. 14. Skinny. 15. Sloppy. 16. Objective. 17. Macro. 18. Diligent. 19. Dense. 20. Transparent. 21. Rearguard. 22. Net. 23. Well-fed. 24. Neat. 25. Subjective. 26. Slow. 27. Deceitful. 28. Concentric. 29. Muddy. 30. Horizontal.

Work with another group of words to find pairs of words that have opposite meanings.

Benefit, far-sighted, blond, talker, deduction, hell, advanced, silent, paradise, harm, start, darkness, transverse, sighted, sympathy, induction, sick, light, altruism, dry, blind, retarded, longitudinal, healthy, selfishness, myopic, finish, brunette, antipathy, wet.

Discussion, sociometry

Lesson No. 10. Development of the ability to classify, identify analogies, etc.

Search for analogies

An object or phenomenon is called, for example “helicopter”. It is necessary to write down as many of its analogues as possible, i.e. other items similar to it in various essential characteristics. It is also necessary to systematize these analogues into groups depending on what property of a given object they were selected for. For example, they may be called "bird", "butterfly" (fly and land), "bus", "train" (vehicles), "corkscrew" and "helicopter" (important parts rotate). The winner is the one who named the largest number of groups of analogues.

The task is aimed at identifying properties and the ability to classify according to characteristics.

Selection of homonyms

Homonyms are words that are identical in spelling but different in meaning.

Explain the meaning of the following homonyms, select at least ten words from them and compose a coherent story: lamb, atlas, box, shaft, roller, caterpillar, ruff, charge, tooth, collar, roller, key, jamb, shovel, bow, scythe, month , outfit, glasses, guide, dog, knot, checker, tongue.

Answer:

Search for connecting links

Two objects are specified, for example, “shovel” and “car”. It is necessary to name objects that are, as it were, a “transition bridge” from the first to the second. The named objects must have a clear logical connection with both given objects. For example, in this case it could be an “excavator” (similar in function to a shovel, but with a car it is included in the same group - vehicles), a “worker” (he digs with a shovel and at the same time is the owner of the car). It is also possible to use two or three connecting links (“shovel” - “wheelbarrow” - “trailer” - “car”). Particular attention is paid to a clear justification and disclosure of the content of each connection between adjacent elements of the chain. The winner is the one who gave the most reasoned solutions.

The task makes it easy to establish connections between objects and phenomena.

Selection of synonyms

From these words, create synonymous groups, including words that are close in meaning.

1. Lord. 2. Fast. 3. Mainland. 4. Will. 5. Curtain. 6. Lord. 7. True. 8. Freedom. 9. Continent. 10. Ruler. 11. Ready. 12. Authentic. 13. Independence. 14. Curtain. 15. Overlord. 16. Curtain. 17. Swift. 18. On guard. 19. Real. 20. Curtain. 21. Mister. 22. Valid. 23. Be on your guard. 24. Fast.

Continue working on finding synonyms in five more groups of words.

- Master, shame, calendar, disabled person, reprimand, example, interval, artificer, dishonor, suggestion, monthly, traffic jam, disgrace, wretched, example, cripple, scolding, pause, virtuoso, crippled, break, jam, number, respite.

- Candelabra, shackles, superfluous, prick, temptation, grip, businessman, candlestick, injection, useless, bigwigs, chains, rigmarole, superfluous, temptation, grip, businessman, shackles, bagpipes, unnecessary, plucking, worthless, hassle, dexterity.

- Valor, period, focus, tape, gloss, outback, contribution, whim, heroism, fantasy, stage, ditch, gloss, phase, caprice, brilliance, ditch, stage, whim, step, province, ditch, pretentiousness, periphery.

- Sober, secretly, slacker, wasted, slacker, assault, excitement, aggressor, reasonable, vain, invader, lazy, healthy, secretly, confusion, behind the scenes, unsuccessful, anxiety, scoundrel, attack, fruitless, restlessness, bum, vain.

— Edge, clothing, frame, figure, toilet, skeleton, dank, allegorical, measure, type, robe, lonely, damp, skeleton, dress, limit, lonely, outfit, boundary, allegorical, costume, image, wet, vestment.

Lost Storyteller

Participants sit in a circle. The presenter assigns the topic of conversation. One of the participants begins to develop it, and then, following random associations, leads the conversation aside. He jumps from one topic to another, then to a third, trying to “confuse” his narrative as best as possible. The speaker then makes a gesture to pass the word to the other participant. The word can be given to anyone, so everyone follows the progress of the game. The one who was chosen must “unravel” the conversation, i.e. briefly go through all the associative switches of its predecessor in reverse order - from end to beginning. He returns to the original topic proposed by the presenter. Then he himself “confuses” the conversation, gives the floor to someone else, and so on.

Lesson No. 11. Final.

Today is our last lesson. Therefore, I would like to carry it out without any framework.

They get a picture of the “reflective tree” from the first lesson. Look at our tree that we created with you at our first meeting. How do you like it? Would you like to change something now? Maybe you have changed somehow and now there is something missing on this tree? Or do you want to leave everything as is?

5 minutes. I would like you to sincerely say what you liked and what you didn’t like about the training, are you happy with everything, what was missing? Discussion 20 minutes.

Gratitude in a circle - say thank you to each participant in the training, find something special that he contributed useful and enjoyable to the classes. 15 minutes.

You can end with a shared tea and a photo as a souvenir.

How to become rich and what does God have to do with it?

The “founding father” of the science of self-development and achieving cherished goals was Wallace Wattles, born in 1860. Coming from a poor farm in Illinois, he was educated in an American country school, where children were taught to read, count and write in the elementary grades, and in the middle grades they were taught geometry and US history. Wattles was an enthusiastic person and loved to read: of his own free will, he became acquainted with the works of Descartes, Schopenhauer, Hegel, Swedenborg, Emerson and many other philosophers.

All this, as his daughter Florence later wrote, led Wattles to reconsider his views on life: he joined the New Thought movement, which was just gaining strength in the second half of the 19th century. The ideological concept of this semi-religious movement was built on one key principle: everything that exists in our world is God or a manifestation of His divine essence.

Wattles, who always had great social ambitions, learned a lot from the teachings of the New Thought and, after losing the 1908 elections for Congress, where he was nominated by the Socialist Party of the USA, he wrote the book The Science of Getting Rich. It was published in 1910, a year before his death, and shows the significant influence New Thought had on Wattles:

And further:

Here's what he thinks about development:

The book “The Science of Getting Rich” was such a colossal success that it made Wattles’ name famous throughout the country, and his work influenced many authors of self-development manuals in the future. Thus, the creator of the acclaimed book “The Secret,” Rhonda Byrne, has repeatedly said that Wattles’ text inspired her. In addition to her, Tony Robbins also praised the book.

Where to begin?

How to develop your personality? You need to start with an honest dialogue with your own self , for a clear understanding of personal complexes, character and temperament flaws, acquired habits that worsen the quality of life.

This is quite a difficult task, but it is many times easier than the daily work of fulfilling the intention to make yourself better, more responsible, healthier in a mental and physical sense.

Having identified the main internal enemies , you should not start fighting everyone at once.

It is more effective to choose the most annoying habit or complex so that you have enough enthusiasm and willpower to fight it.

But when you can assume that a new useful skill has become ingrained in you and has become almost innate, it’s time to begin confronting the next negative manifestation in your behavior, perception, etc.

It's better to start with what affects your physical well-being.

By getting rid, for example, of the habit of eating a lot of sweets at night, you will definitely lose some amount of fat in your body, begin to sleep better, begin to look at the world more positively and gain a reserve of strength for further feats in the fight for your happiness.

And so that in the evening you don’t feel the urge to finish with a cake or a couple of eclairs, try to start reading fiction , which you have long planned to read, but everyone couldn’t find the time.

If the desire to work with your jaws turns out to be a distracting factor, take care in advance of a substantial portion of straws from various vegetables. This way you will achieve your main goal and replenish your personal supply of vitamins and fiber.

What contributes to personal development:

1. Reading good literature. New images and other people's experiences develop the brain and curiosity, provided that the sources of knowledge are worthy.
2. Sports . The ability to achieve results through willpower also works successfully when deciding to achieve goals in another area.
3. A conscious desire to get rid of bad habits and negative character traits .
   The most worthy and insidious enemy of a person is himself when he becomes dependent on something. And every victory over one’s unworthy affections is a great contribution to the development of one’s own personality.
4. Communication with experts in their field. The skill of others gives a charge of enthusiasm for going through difficult paths and mastering additional skills.
5. Engagement in charity in the form of personal participation in helping the weak and injured. Such communication promotes a change in personal values ​​and an understanding of what really matters most to each person.
6. Attending special trainings , provided that the presenters are really interested in providing effective assistance to their students and know how to do it professionally.
7. Studying sciences that help you soberly assess your capabilities, rationally allocate time and plan navigation routes for your development and formation as an integral, developed personality.

How many trainings do you need to complete to solve all problems?

If anyone else is worried about the question: “So how many trainings will provide me with an easy, problem-free life, a sea of ​​friends and a stress-free brilliant career?” - please read the article very carefully again from the very beginning, because such a formulation is doomed to failure in advance and is tantamount to asking: “How long do I need to run in the morning to achieve the figure of Claudia Schiffer/Antonio Banderos and stay in good health until I’m a hundred years old?” At the same time, everyone understands that to maintain beauty and health, a comprehensive and regular approach to your body and appearance is necessary. The human psyche and personality development do not contradict this rule

Personal development throughout life is no less important than caring for the body. In addition to the trainings themselves (which can really give a wonderful “kick in the ass” for a creative attitude towards oneself and the formation of oneself as a harmonious and positive person), the process of personal growth is also a huge independent work on developing one’s positive qualities and adequate (not derogatory) attitudes towards those aspects of one’s personality that have yet to be understood, accepted and improved

Each person is individual, for some, 1-2 courses and further independent studies will be enough, for others, they will attend several courses and then take a break for a while, and some will attend trainings that are relevant to them as often as they deem optimal for yourself. Various options are possible, the most important thing is to realize one simple truth:

No one will ever solve all your problems for you, without your direct participation!

How to get the most benefit

Personal growth training on its own cannot be beneficial. They just give a kick. In general, there is a correlation between cost and quality. A person's knowledge is only worth what people are willing to pay for it.

Personal growth begins with the understanding that security is much worse, because it is just an illusion. The fact that a person has worked at one company for several decades does not insure him against dismissal. Then he will find himself on the sidelines if he does not constantly learn and develop personally.

So, personal development training is a good way to force yourself to do something. If they replace real steps towards achieving a goal, you can form an addiction and, as a result, lose your money. Sellers of such training skillfully take advantage of such clients. In fact, personal growth courses can also be taken remotely. Sometimes there is no need for them, because even a free article on the Internet can inspire action.

Personal growth goals

Personal growth goals can be completely different. Such as, for example, the creative development of an individual or spiritual, material and physical.

There can be several goals for personal growth at once, so sometimes you have to improve yourself in several completely different directions at once.

• Developing Awareness
• Time Compliance
• Filling your horizons with knowledge
• Leading a healthy lifestyle
• Using your talents and strengths

Each of us probably wants to have his own special position in society, to be an interesting conversationalist, or to achieve recognition in some field of activity.

How to draw up an action plan?

First, it is important to decide where you want to start personal growth. This could be an increase in potential, an increase in self-efficacy, or the development of useful qualities.

After setting goals is completed, we look for motives for achieving them. We recommend:

1. If necessary, contact a specialist

Sometimes, in order to achieve maximum disclosure of one’s own “I,” the help of a qualified psychoanalyst or trainer is needed. They will help you achieve your results in self-knowledge much faster!

2. Unshackle yourself and drive away bad thoughts

It is quite difficult to achieve something if you are stuck in fears and concerns. Having thrown them away, even the world will sparkle in different colors for your person!

3. Don’t stand in the way of change

Sometimes changes are even for the better, so there is no need to avoid them. Open up to them and accept them with gratitude!

4. Find your motivation to start self-improvement

In most cases, we are driven by strong motivation; having found it, everyone is able to literally “move mountains.”

5. Take action!

Definition of the concept

Personal growth training is a training event that develops a person. In fact, it is a guide that helps him achieve success in any field. This is a kick that allows you to take the first step towards building the life you want. It is usually the most difficult to accomplish. If you really start working on yourself, this process will be much easier in the future.

Personal growth training

Personal growth training teaches you to look for the reasons for failure in your own actions, and not in strangers. A person begins to feel like a subject. Formation of the necessary qualities is the main goal of such trainings. These characteristics include:

1. Internality. The feeling that the person himself is responsible for all the results in life.
2. Hard work. In the literal sense, love for work, including on oneself.
3. Communication skills. The main provider of opportunities is other people.
4. And a number of other important character traits.

Who else criticized positive thinking?

There were many opponents not only to the philosophy of success but also to its individual epigones. For example, Everett Leo Shostrom was an ardent opponent of Dale Carnegie and even wrote the book “The Manipulative Man,” which was popularly nicknamed “Anti-Carnegie.”

Shostrom, in the best traditions of Tolstoyism, almost called for inaction as a means of salvation for man:

Modern training gurus also periodically come under fire from criticism. So, in 2005, Steve Salerno released the book “SHAM: How the Self-Improvement Movement Made America Helpless,” in which he seeks to expose the training industry with a global turnover of $8.5 billion.

Interesting, popular and effective trainings

Systemic family constellations

This training is also called “Hellinger constellations.” The author of the technique is Bert Hellinger, a famous German psychotherapist. Based on extensive experience working with patients’ problems, Hellinger concluded: the roots of many problems, including problems with women’s and men’s health, failures in personal life or profession and career, lie in the family field, family history.

The session is attended by the client himself, “deputies” who play the role of members of the family community, and spectators. The client places “deputies” in the space of the “family field”, and during the placement, certain hidden, undeveloped problems and complexes are revealed. When the client realizes the true reasons for his troubles and problems, it becomes much easier for him to cope with them.

Countering manipulators

No manipulator ever acts for your good. All his actions are always aimed at satisfying his own needs at the expense of others, be it in everyday life or in business. Mastering the ability to counteract manipulators is useful for everyone, without exception.

At trainings, the coach talks about the hooks that manipulators use to hook their victims, and shows in practice how it works

But most importantly, you will be taught not only how to get off the hook, but also how to not get hooked again.

Self-organization training

Hand on heart, many of us can admit: the path to a correct and healthy lifestyle is blocked by our inability or unwillingness to properly organize our personal time. We do a lot of unnecessary things and do not do what is necessary, because there is no time or energy left for what is necessary. The habit of making plans for the future and following them is common to few people. We love to indulge our weaknesses and this makes us even weaker.

Training on organizing personal and work time will help reveal the causes of failures, deal with disorganization and give you simple tools to put your life in order. You will learn to prioritize and find a balance between work, family matters and leisure. And an ordered life will definitely give positive results for your well-being and mood.

Epilogue: we have been tired for so long

Not everyone is ready to rush into the pursuit of self-realization, and in general, not everyone wants to interfere in these disputes between coaches, training gurus and motivation specialists.

And this concerns not only direct self-realization: a rebellion against norms and stereotypes has begun on all fronts: the foundations of even the fashion industry are gradually crumbling, which, it would seem, was the last to lose its position, supported by injections of funds from the beauty industry. However, as one famous poet said, “nothing can be held back - not green on purple, not the V-neck of a T-shirt, not the broken edge of an umbrella,” and therefore today body positivity and the cult of “accepting yourself as you are” are triumphantly sweeping the planet.

Active supporters of “healthy egoism”, who call for not giving a damn about the opinions of others and their ideas of success, are gradually appearing all over the world, and their fame is growing rapidly. This time, there are “prophets” in our country: at the end of 2021, the book by psychologist Pavel Labkovsky with the telling title “I Want and I Will” sold 550,000 copies across the country - this is almost an unprecedented figure for the Russian market.

From sales to personal growth

In Europe, the fashion for training came after the war: while restoring the Old World, America imported many of its habits to the continent. Initially, it was only about professional and financial trainings - so already in 1946, Hans Goldman conducted his first training in Sweden with the telling title “How to sell more in post-war Europe.” Well, following the Old World, the whole world caught up with the new fashion.

By the way, Hans Goldman later became the founder of one of the most famous international training companies - Mercuri International: it was the company that was the first to enter the Russian market in the 1990s, where this niche was not yet occupied by anyone.

The teaching of success reached its peak—and a new impetus for development—in the 1960s and 1970s, when Martin Seligman’s research laid the foundation for positive psychology. In one experiment, he placed dogs in cages and, after a strong beep, gave the animals a short, weak shock. The dogs couldn't escape him, no matter what they did. Seligman then moved them to other cells, where their activity could save them from electric shock, but in the new cells they did not try to make any effort to protect themselves, only whining after the beep, waiting for the shock.

How to choose the right training program scenario?

1. You need to understand your own goals and choose a program that is suitable specifically for them. If you are still a beginner and are just planning to discover trainings, experts recommend starting with the “Basic Course” of the necessary system.
2. Make sure of the high competence of the leading psychologist, as well as the reliable reputation of the company;
3. Read reviews from people who have completed this program;
4. Clarify the set of techniques used in this training;
5. Correlate the time, place, format of the training and its cost with your capabilities.

We recommend that you read: How to assess your thinking abilities?

Neurosis and personal growth

Neurosis and personal growth, what is the relationship? Sometimes life leads us to a dead end, and we give up on doing anything, and we begin to simply “go with the flow,” succumbing to a nervous state, and, even worse, trying not to notice it.

But we can fix everything! If you identify the signs of a personal growth crisis and overcome them. Fortunately, neurosis is quite easy to recognize by its characteristic symptoms:

• Low resistance to stress
• Aggressive behavior
• Vulnerability and frequent tearfulness
• Anxiety conditions
• Focus only on the problem
• Fatigue
• Increased irritability
• Touchiness over trifles
• Turning every little thing into a tragedy
• Severe sensitivity to noise
• Intolerance to too much bright light
• Sensitivity to temperature changes
• Apparent insomnia
• Overexcited state
• Increased heart rate
• Profuse sweating
• Absent-mindedness, lack of concentration
• Sudden changes in pressure

In a neurotic state, all the symptoms will not necessarily appear at once; there may well be 2 or 3 of them. But this is enough to think about ways to combat this terrible illness.

These alarm bells should not be ignored! They are the ones who tell us that it’s time to stop and rethink our lives, so as not to encounter an insidious neurosis.

And if neurosis has already overtaken you, you should not delay eliminating it until it develops into depression or something worse.

In this case, an excellent solution would be an optimistic attitude and decisive actions towards improvement.