Monogamy and polygamy in modern relationships: what does this mean in practice?

You can understand what monogamy and polygamy are in modern relationships if you conditionally divide all people into two types - those who prefer monogamous relationships, as well as those who are polygamous by nature. It is difficult for the first type to even imagine that his soulmate belonged to anyone else. The latter can be in open relationships, giving their love and body to third, fourth, fifth persons.

In the world today there are many married couples who are not limited to one partner and coexist well in society. Others believe that marriage is a fairy tale about a mansion where several characters could get along at once. Are monogamy and polygamy possible as forms of marriage in modern society, what is it, who are swingers? You can learn about all this from the article below.

What is monogamy?

Within the borders of Russia and many European countries, monogamous relationships are still more welcome, so it’s worth considering this concept first. Monogamy is a love and family relationship with only one person for a long time. In simple terms, a monogamous relationship is a committed relationship between a woman and a man, leading to marriage and the creation of a family.

In a monogamous relationship, feelings, emotional attachment and sex are possible only between two people, that is, partners. Monogamy is supported by the Judeo-Christian tradition, where any relationship with third parties is considered a terrible sin - treason. Monogamy is observed in only 3-5% of mammals, and 90% of birds. Due to the fact that monogamy is rare in the animal world, experts consider it not always natural for humanity.

Psychological aspect3

From a psychological point of view, polygamy and monogamy are rooted in childhood. Explaining everything is quite simple.

As a child, the boy, as a rule, lacked maternal love and care. He strives to get them by any available means, but getting them is still not enough for him. I always want more and more. As one grows up, the need for maternal love and affection transforms into the need to receive these feelings from other women. And it is still impossible for a man to get the amount of love he needs from one woman.

Or the opposite situation. Since childhood, the boy has received so much love and attention from the women closest to him that now that he has matured, one woman cannot give him so much. Most likely, such boys were raised by their mother and grandmother, without a father. From childhood, the influence of the father is very, very important! Men, remember this!

However, sexologists say that polygamy is beneficial for men! In such men, self-confidence increases significantly, and offspring from different women makes it possible to ensure a “bigger mark” in history. Is self-confidence in this way justified?

And monogamy came directly from matriarchy. From early childhood, a girl sees that at seven her mother plays the dominant role. In the future, the daughters simply adopted the model of behavior they were familiar with. From a psychological point of view, monogamy gives a person a feeling of stability and security, because everything in the world is so unpredictable.

What is polygamy?

Polygamous marriage is more a rarity than a normal phenomenon, which cannot be said about polygamy in the lives of free people. If more than 2 partners are involved in a family relationship, this is clear polygamy. Accordingly, we can draw a conclusion regarding who a polygamist is. This is a person who is in a group relationship or marriage with multiple husbands and/or wives.

Polygamy today is welcomed and not prohibited by Islamism.
But in eastern countries, polygamy manifests itself one-sidedly, when only a man is allowed to have several wives, but not a woman several husbands. Two terms within the concept of polygamy are considered at once - polyandry and polygyny. In the first case, they talk about a woman having several partners and/or husbands, in the second – about polygamy. Polyandry is visible among the Tibetans, India, and Nepal. For reference! From the point of view of sociology, psychology, morality and norms of behavior, it cannot be said that monogamy or polygamy is not the norm, the right or wrong option. All types of relationships have the right to exist if the partners have appropriate views, inclinations and preferences.

Friendship with benefits

The so-called friendship with benefits is another format of fairly free relationships. More precisely, they cannot even be called relationships in the classical understanding of this word. The emphasis here may be on sex: if you and your friend are free, and you have a mutual desire to sleep, then why not? The difficulty here is that not everyone is able to separate sex from romantic feelings, and this is fraught with unpleasant consequences. But if you are sure that sentimentality in these matters is not for you, you can safely choose this format.

What are the benefits of polygamous relationships?

Despite humanity's great commitment to monogamous relationships, the topic of polygamy is always relevant and pressing. Scientifically, there are 3 types of polygamy:

Polyandry is a marital relationship between one wife and several of her husbands.
Polygyny is a marriage between one husband and several of his wives.
Bigamy is a kind of bigamy (polygyny), but the difference is that both wives do not know about the existence of each other.

To understand what a polygamous relationship can give a person, it is enough to compare their advantages and disadvantages. There can be several advantages:

biologically, sexual diversity and sexual activity are believed to be beneficial for the viability of the offspring;
the ability to exhaust hypersexuality and love of love, which is characteristic of some people;
the low divorce rate of such families is due to honesty and openness in relationships without boundaries.

There are also disadvantages to this relationship format. A polygamous female is a woman who has several partners and must pay attention to each one, fulfilling the entire list of marital duties twice as much. The same goes for men with several wives who need to be supported, ensuring everyone's comfort.

Swinging

The two terms polygamy and swinging go alongside each other, but are not synonymous. If in the first case we are talking about one dominant partner and his two wives (husbands), as well as open and legalized relationships, swinging is a more intimate format of relationships.

Swinging refers to the exchange of sexual relations between married couples. Such couples can spend time separately with each other’s significant other, or they can form a kind of Swedish family. Swing does not provide for any sensual and emotional connection between couples; it is more “sports sex” when exchanged with random couples.

Polygamy in women: polyandry

It would seem that the question of whether women are polygamous or monogamous cannot even be asked out loud, since polygamy is always attributed to the male half of society. In fact, female polygamy does exist and even has a separate name - polyandry. Anthropology confirms that this format of relationships is found among 53 nations.

There are 2 possible causes of polyandry:

Matriarchy - in many families and at different times it happened that all the strength and leadership fell on the woman. A special development of matriarchy was observed during the period of agriculture and gathering, when there was no hunting and men were breadwinners.
The theory of adaptation, when in certain countries, places and situations for the survival of humanity/nation/clan, due to high mortality, scarce resources, hereditary motives, several men married one woman.

In addition to reasons such as survival, the traditions of some peoples, it can be said that female polygamy can be caused by the love of women for several men at once due to hypersexuality, as well as psychological deviations, such as an inferiority complex, because of which a woman strives to get as much attention as possible by several men.

Polygamy in men

Male polygamy is much more understandable to modern society, but it occurs more in a hidden form than in open polygamy. To understand whether a man is monogamous or polygamous, it is enough to find out how many partners he currently has. If, in addition to his wife, there is a mistress or several passions that the first partner does not know about, he is already a representative of polygamy.

There may be several reasons for male polygamy:

Traditions - in Islamic countries, polygamy among men has been supported since there was a high mortality rate, and bigamy saved the nation. There is even a tradition that after the death of a husband, his wife and children become the wife of his brother, even if he already has a family.
Demography - wars constantly reduce the male population, as do diseases, genocide and epidemics of all times and peoples. This is where marriages arose, where there was one man for several women.
A man's love of love is a common occurrence among modern representatives of the stronger sex, when one man is not enough to have one woman.
Prestige - many men are convinced that having not only a wife, but also several mistresses, one can earn authority in certain circles.
Honesty – Many partners are so open with each other that they may declare the presence of third parties in the relationship. It is difficult to condemn a man who does not hide anything from his wife and mistress, and they do not oppose this format of relationship.

Scientists have put forward another version of why male polygamy is so widespread. The point is that there is a big difference in the percentage of men to women around the world.

Should a polygamous partner cheat?

Women are often concerned about the question of whether it is possible to instill monogamy in a man. Probably not. You cannot force an adult to change behavior if he has weak motivation. But a man who values his wife is able to refrain from cheating and give up some of his desires in favor of monogamy.

Attempts to put pressure and manipulate a partner in order to instill monogamy usually end in failure. A man may lose confidence or withdraw into himself.

Monogamous families and relationships

In the modern understanding, a family is an institution of relationships between only one man and one woman, which means that monogamous relationships are considered the norm. The family dates back to the 7th-3rd millennium BC. Attitudes towards its composition, the roles of partners, etc. differed, hence the division of clans, nations, and tribes.

Monogamous marriage involves two partners being faithful to each other. Its advantages are as follows:

positive attitude of society;
habitual form of relationship;
concentration of partners only on each other;
rational concentration and distribution of property among descendants;
support of one partner;
the absence of a ban on such marriage;
loyalty of partners, which means there is no risk of contracting infections from casual relationships, etc.

To understand the disadvantages of a monogamous marriage, we can highlight the advantages of the exact opposite form, that is, a polygamous family. For example:

the likelihood of a man having more offspring;
solving the problem of the huge number of unmarried women;
diversity in relationships;
honesty and frankness between partners;
lack of boundaries and restrictions.

You can decide which is better - a monogamous marriage or a polygamous one, based on the above pros and cons, as well as based only on your own prejudices and views.

Why did human society choose monogamy as a form of marriage?

There is an opinion that such a concept as monogamy in relationships appeared due to the desire of people to preserve the benefits belonging to the family. Therefore, they entered into marriage only with representatives of their community and protected their women from the attacks of those who did not have enough mates.

The Christian Church has also strengthened its commitment to monogamous marriages. Thus, in the Middle Ages, the right to start a family and continue the family line was reserved only for the eldest son, who was the heir to all the property of his parents. His brothers often had to take monastic vows and live in monasteries.

This version of monogamy was beneficial to the church. If the older brother's wife turned out to be infertile or they only had girls, the monogamous relationship could not be broken. In the absence of a male heir, all property after the death of the elder brother passed to the younger brother, who lived in the monastery, which means that the monastery became its owner.

Of course, adherence to medieval Christian norms is not the only reason for the spread of family monogamy among people. The roots of this phenomenon should be sought in the correspondence of its principles to the structure of life of the human community.

Which relationships are women more prone to and why?

Most people around the world prefer a monogamous form of relationships with the opposite sex. Psychology notes that women are more likely to have monogamous relationships, while men are more polygamous in character and temperament. There are several reasons why women are monogamous:

the need for a permanent sexual partner for procreation;
heredity, accumulated benefits are passed on to offspring, which is only appropriate in a family;
social requirements regarding a woman’s chastity;
a woman’s independence in matters of providing for a child;
the orientation of female nature towards qualitative rather than quantitative relationships.

Expert opinion

Elena Druzhnikova

Sexologist. Family relations expert. Family psychologist.

About 90% of women consciously make a choice in favor of monogamy, which is influenced by the culture of the nation, social principles and morals, the desire for stability and family development, the upbringing environment and social circle, and religious prejudices.

Sologamy

It is not at all necessary to set yourself up for marriage or a close relationship with anyone other than yourself. Loneliness is gradually losing its negative meaning, as an increasing number of people quite consciously - and not because of religious vows - choose sologamy. This does not mean that a person refuses any relationship for life - he can go on dates and have sex, but building a family or having a permanent partner is not a serious priority for him.

Which is better: monogamy or polygamy

Deciding which is better, monogamy or polygamy, is still quite difficult for many people. Some will say that monogamy is a manifestation of purity, devotion, and the unity of eternal love. Others will call it boredom, lifelessness and a gradual loss of love and sexual interest in a partner.

What type of relationship are you for?

MonogamousPolygamous

As long as man has existed, monogamy and polygamy have existed. Despite the fact that the monogamous form of relationships is many times more common in the modern world, polygamy remains relevant. There is a theory that if you introduce the principles of polygamy into a monogamous relationship, it will strengthen the marriage and make the usual way of life interesting.

In fact, choosing what is best for a person - monogamous or polygamous marriage - is a purely personal matter for everyone. Psychologists and science insist that monogamous marriages are the future. Practice shows that compromise and trust are important in relationships. If partners are ready to have other relationships on the side openly and honestly, that is their right. The main thing is that the chosen format is acceptable to both.

Swinging

Polygamy is sometimes equated with swinging. But this is not entirely correct, since in a polygamous relationship there is always a dominant, who has several partners. These relationships can be open or even legalized. Swinging is characterized only by an intimate relationship, which is rarely advertised.

Similar relationships are found in Swedish families. There can be several marriage partners at the same time who have the right to have sex with each other. That is, couples exchange partners solely for sex. There will be no feelings or emotions here. Only sexual interest in the next partner.

Examples of female polygamy

Recent scientific research has confirmed the information that in nature 53 nations accept female polygamy, which is called polyandry. Such people believe that a woman can have several partners and even spouses, but for good reasons. The most common polyandry marriages are in Tibet, among the Eskimos, and in India.

Most often, in such countries, one woman may be married to several brothers (fraternal polyandry). History emphasizes that polyandry is due more to the lack of natural resources. For example, in Tibet there is a shortage of livable land, and to avoid fragmentation of the land belonging to one family, a woman becomes a wife to several brothers.

In India, against the backdrop of selective abortion, a shortage of women gradually developed. As a result of this, one woman can be the wife of several men at once, but relatives to each other. Biandry is also found - a form of polyandry, where a woman marries two men at the same time. In the Indian Himalayas, polygynandry occurs, when several men marry several women at the same time.

For reference! Polyandry and the presence of several husbands for one woman have been recorded in history in Asia, Tibet, India, Africa, and North and South America.

Elements of polygamy in a monogamous marriage

By studying the basics of polygamy and monogamy, you can find common elements for both forms of relationships.

And if the principles of polygamy are introduced into a traditional family, this will help not only keep the relationship strong, but also add brightness and surprise to the usual way of life. Also, by adhering to the basic rules of polygamous relationships, you can not only solve most of the problems that arise in family life, but also avoid them.

The first and most important principle is not to demand too much. When we get married or simply start a new relationship, we place many tasks on our partner.

Perhaps some of the responsibilities will have to be entrusted to someone else: parents, close friends or work colleagues, and your loved one will have to leave the place of the ideal lover and life partner. Also, many spouses face the problem of spending leisure time.

It's no secret that different hobbies may well cause a scandal or breakup. There is no need to demand that your husband or wife love golf or folding origami. That’s what leisure and hobbies are for, to get involved in them “for yourself,” and not to force someone to share a hobby.

In addition, such a pastime can distract from family worries, give moments of joy and increase self-esteem. And these are not the last components of a happy marriage.

Discussion of family problems should be carried out only with the other half, but it is quite possible to get advice on a new item of clothing or an assessment of a book you have read from friends or colleagues. However, there is a problem that concerns only spouses - the desire for sex.

Very often, one of the partners (and this is not always a woman!) refuses intimate intimacy for a number of important and not so important reasons. Should you force your loved one to fulfill his “marital duty”?

To force means to destroy your relationship with your own hands. If there is trust and intimacy in a couple, the spouses will always be able to discuss the problems why one of them does not want to make love.

Often the cause is fatigue or health problems, with the solution of which intimate life improves. However, if the reason is a loss of interest, there may be two ways out: either seek consolation on the side, or re-win your other half.

Imagine that this person is a stranger and your relationship is just beginning. Such a game will add variety to everyday life, make sex bright and interesting, and refresh fading feelings. If the fire of love has gone out, but friendship and respect remain, and there is no reason to break off a long relationship, you can resort to polygamy.

Examples of male polygamy

The brightest territories where male polygamy was welcomed were Japan (1880), Nepal (1963) and China (1963). Male polygamy has also been recorded in several parts of the world:

Ancient Mesopotamia and Assyria. So, for example, Philip II of Macedon was the husband of 8 women, the Persian king Darius III had wives and several hundred concubines.
Ancient and modern Egypt. The Egyptians have long practiced polygamy. And in African countries where Islam is practiced today, polygamy is still not prohibited.
Ancient Greece. The most sexually liberated society was the ancient Greek one; here they had a normal attitude not only towards polygamy, but also towards non-traditional sexual relations.
Bible. Polygamy was known from the Book of Genesis, where it is recorded that Lamech had two wives. Polygamous men were also mentioned in the Old Testament, for example Solomon, David, Abraham, Jacob. David had 10 wives and the same number of concubines; his son Solomon had 700 wives in addition to concubines.
Hinduism. Brahmins had the opportunity to take 4 women as wives, and Shudras from a low social class had the opportunity to take 2 wives.
Islam. According to the Koran, a man can take no more than 4 wives, treating each one equally. The main goal is to protect people from poverty.
USA. In modern states, bigamy, when a man marries two women, as well as polygamy, when he has many wives, is prohibited. But until the 19th century, all this was welcomed and found everywhere. Mormon fundamentalists brought polygamy to these lands.

In modern society, polygamy for men has a different name and form - polyamory. We are talking about a monogamous marriage between two people, but the man has mistresses with the consent of his wife. A woman can have other partners, but also after an agreement with her husband.

A person is polygamous or monogamous - expert opinions

Some researchers come to the conclusion that humans are polygamous. That is, a man’s task is to impregnate as many women as possible. A woman’s task is to become pregnant as many times as possible, to provide a “nest” for raising offspring.

But this view is not supported by most historians and anthropologists.

Thomas Smith believes that forming a couple and remaining faithful is beneficial from the point of view of raising offspring. The woman and children are confident that they will have food and protection. The man is sure that the children in whom he invests strength and resources are born from him.

If we talk about the differences between men and women, then men have higher testosterone levels. This hormone is responsible for masculinity and sexual desire. But based on this alone, one cannot conclude that men are polygamous. Testosterone is responsible for sexual desire, not for increasing the number of sexual partners. Sexual desires can be fully realized with one partner. In addition, a person is driven not only by hormones, but also by a moral component.

According to the results of social experiments, there were more conditionally polygamous men. Men tend to have more sexual partners. For example, they, unlike women, would not miss the opportunity to have sex with a pretty stranger if she offered it to them. Women did not demonstrate such a tendency. At the same time, most people remain faithful to their spouse.

From this we can conclude that people express only their desired position, but in reality they comply with the norms of morality and morality, humanity. In practice, the number of sexual partners for men and women is approximately the same. People regulate their sex life themselves, not their instincts.

How to change a man who is prone to polygamy and is it possible to do this?

Knowing that by nature men are mostly prone to polygamy, women are concerned about whether this situation can somehow be changed. Psychologists give two valuable pieces of advice:

Building trusting relationships. If partners learn to speak boldly and openly about their desires, a woman can listen to her husband's wishes, preventing the need to find mistresses. After all, men cheat more often because they look for in other women what they do not find in their wife.
Constant work on yourself. A woman should always improve her appearance and behavior in order to be interesting to her partner. Since men need variety, one woman who is flexible and capable of working can provide it.

You can nourish your feelings through interesting and mutual pastime. A woman needs to become a friend, interlocutor, lover and partner in important matters for her husband.

Are all people polygamous? Where can you find a monogamous partner?

The results of scientific research do not boil down to the fact that everyone is polygamous. People of both sexes are more likely to be “ultrasocial” - they choose a profitable strategy according to the circumstances. Today, developed countries consider monogamy a behavioral norm. Therefore, there should be no problems finding a partner capable of monogamy.

Men often feel attracted to more than one woman, but this does not mean that they are polygamous or incapable of fidelity. People have the will and can control the instinct of polygamy in the same way as they suppress the instinct of aggression.

What is the need for monogamy today?

Today, a child's survival does not depend on whether its parents are monogamous or not. There is no connection between relationships and material values; rarely does anyone immediately consider intimacy as a way of survival. However, these ideas, consciously or not, have been preserved over the centuries, passed down through generations.

Your parents and grandparents did not imagine any other form of life other than monogamy. For them this is the only possible truth. And such people are now the majority in society. The world often changes faster than the society around you.

So the social need for monogamy has long disappeared, but the norms of society have not.

You remain a socio-biological being. Your biology is to select 24/7 the ideal man, handsome and macho, who has the coolest genes. But people won’t praise you for such an eternal search. Even voicing this natural desire is like death.

Giphy

So it turns out that the only need is the opinion of society, from which there is no escape.

Polygamy - pros and cons

Polygamy has a number of advantages, but, at the same time, quite serious disadvantages.

Pros of polygamy:

the man is confident in himself, he is pleased that women compete for him, try to get his attention, to win him over;

several women provide more warmth, affection, care;

a man does not need to choose one life partner or work on the relationship;

there is an opportunity to have more children;

if one partner leaves or dies, then others remain.

Cons of polygamy:

if polygamy is not officially legalized, then you will constantly have to lie, come up with excuses, and dodge;

there is a possibility of being caught, exposed;

It is difficult for a man to support several wives at once; polygamy requires serious financial investments;

There may be disputes and disagreements regarding the division of inheritance and property;

if something happens to a man, then the whole family is suddenly left without a livelihood;

jealousy, self-doubt, one’s own uniqueness and attractiveness;

the need to share finances, personal space, etc. with others;

a man cannot give equal and sufficient attention to his children.

Do you think there are more pros or cons to polygamy? Share your thoughts in the comments.

Social views and legal side in the modern world

Polygamous families do not officially exist in Russia. Officially, only a man and a woman who are not in another marriage at the time of marriage can enter into marriage.

However, the issue of officially allowing polygamy in Russia is increasingly being brought up for general discussion. This is especially true for those republics where the Muslim population predominates. For example, Tatarstan.

Polygamy in Russia and our mentality

In Russia, polygamous marriages are condemned by the majority. It is believed that they came to Russia due to the large number of Muslim emigrants, for whom such a union is considered the norm.

However, polygamy in Russia existed even before the wave of Muslim emigration. You can often find situations where a man lives in two families, for example, has a wife and a mistress. Often the unofficial wives of such men also have children. He does not always have the courage to admit them. In society, such children and women are blamed, condemned, and taken lightly.

Men who practice such polygamy also prefer, under pain of condemnation, not to talk about it, to keep such relationships secret from their wives, relatives, and society.

Legal polygamy

Russians are prohibited from officially practicing polygamy. However, this ban is often violated by Muslims who live on the territory of the Russian Federation. According to the Family Code, a man can officially marry once and enter into it at the registry office. Other marriages are not registered in the registry office; they take place in the church.

Professional lawyers and political scientists believe that allowing polygamy at the legislative level will not help, the situation will remain at the same level. The only way out is to promote native Russian values, the traditional, Christian way of the family.

Polygamy is also practiced in more developed countries. For example, a man in the United Arab Emirates can have up to 4 wives (subject to high income). Prosperity should be so high that all wives can live and not deny themselves anything.

In Syria, in order to have several wives, a man must document his ability to pay.

Polygamy is also practiced legally in other countries (Guinea, Senegal, Nigeria, Congo, Pakistan).

Limitations of polygamy

There was an article in the legislation of the USSR that implied criminal punishment for people practicing polygamy. Today society has become more tolerant, many people are more indifferent or neutral towards the phenomenon. There are currently no special laws restricting polygamy, but there is no official permission for it either.

There are many Mormons living in the United States who practice polygamy. For example, the famous Mormon Kody Brown has 4 wives and openly states this. This led to an investigation being launched against the family.

In Tajikistan, polygamy is prohibited by the Criminal Code. Such behavior is punishable by a fine of 2000 minimum wages. The authorities of Kyrgyzstan have imposed the same ban on polygamy, but the fine there has not yet been officially established.