Midlife crisis in women - advice from a psychologist

Middle age crisis. Everyone heard, but no one saw? Or did you see it? Or are you not sure yet? You can learn about what middle age is for women and what kind of midlife crisis this is from this article.

To begin with, it is worth identifying what age stage in women is considered average. According to the age classification of the World Health Organization, the average age for women is considered to be from 30 to 45 years. However, in psychology these boundaries are not so clearly defined.

The average age of crisis for women is 40 years. As a result of a successful outcome of the midlife crisis, women enter the so-called period “Forty-five woman berry again.” However, a successful outcome still needs to be achieved. But first things first.

Symptoms of the crisis

In women, a midlife crisis often manifests itself with the following symptoms:

• anxiety;
• irritation;
• mood swings;
• conflict;
• desire to live (feeling of pressing deadlines);
• feeling of loneliness;
• loss of vitality;
• pessimistic views about the future;
• feeling of hopelessness;
• dissatisfaction with your education;
• feeling of limited choice of place to work;
• decrease in physical strength and attractiveness;
• contradiction between plans, desires and reality.

Thus, 4 groups of signs can be distinguished:

• emotional (from depression to negativism);
• cognitive (thoughts about divorce, search for the meaning of life, reassessment of views);
• behavioral (conflicts, addictions);
• hormonal or physiological (decreased libido, somatic diseases, menopause).

By category, men and women experience the same symptoms, but depending on gender, their manifestations differ slightly.

Differences from children's

Turning points in the lives of adult women have a number of differences from crises that arise in childhood. The differences are explained by the peculiarity and speed of mental processes in a mature person:

• crises in adult women occur less frequently than in childhood and adolescence;
• the moment of their development is not strictly tied to biological age;
• the onset of the “revolutionary” stage is well understood by the person, which allows him to carry out targeted work on himself.

Crises in adulthood, in contrast to childhood transitions, carry a greater risk of disruptions in mental health with subsequent deterioration in physical condition.

An illiterate way out of the situation is fraught with irreparable mistakes, for example, dismissal from a prestigious position or a break in the marriage.

Models of crisis behavior

In women during the midlife crisis, 4 behavior patterns are observed.

1. Comparison of the effort expended with the result. Typical for those who started building a career early.
2. Regrets about unrealized potential. This is typical for those who have forgotten about their career and devoted themselves to their family.
3. Life restructuring (new profession and hobbies, sometimes new love).
4. Attempts to prolong youth or at least middle age. This is typical for those who got married early or started an independent life early.

Healthy Habits

To prolong youth and maintain health, you need to seriously reconsider your lifestyle.

Right now you need to give up bad habits: quit smoking, stop abusing alcohol and coffee. The daily diet should be balanced and rich in vitamins. You need to spend more time in the fresh air and exercise moderately. There is no need for extremes either: active training at this age is more likely to harm than improve your health, so signing up for a shaping club and competing with 18-year-old girls is not recommended. Career women should give up the intense business pace. It is necessary to fully rest on weekends and not give up vacations. It is advisable to turn off your phone while relaxing and not look through business emails. Taking good care of your health will pay off handsomely and will allow you to feel great not only after 40, but also after 60.

Read more: Ethics and psychology of family life

Causes of the crisis

The cause of the crisis is the contradiction between plans and desires in significant categories of life and realities (the inability to satisfy an urgent need). Significant categories in middle age for women are:

• family,
• health,
• self confidence,
• spiritual satisfaction,
• Love,
• Liberty,
• individuality,
• development.

Accordingly, a feeling of discomfort in any of these areas or in several can provoke a crisis. For example, awareness of loneliness, spiritual emptiness, personal stagnation, “confinement” at work or within the walls of the house.

However, most often, as researchers note, contradictions arise in the areas of health, family, self-confidence, love, spiritual satisfaction and material well-being (independence). It is worth noting that each category is closely related to the others. For example, failures in love can cause self-doubt. Financial disadvantage - health problems.

The following factors can aggravate the crisis in women:

• real loneliness;
• unemployment or temporary work;
• real depression;
• anticipation of approaching menopause.

Let's look at some possible causes of the women's crisis in more detail.

Professional stagnation

If a woman goes on or returns from maternity leave, a problem such as loss of professional motivation may arise (especially if the profession was chosen incorrectly). That is, a woman becomes so accustomed to the role of a housewife that she no longer wants or cannot work.

Sometimes the situation is aggravated by the specific nature of the profession or the rhythm of life. By this I mean the need for constant professional development, retraining and self-education. That is, a middle-aged woman, and even on maternity leave, can literally find herself “overboard.” Or she will quickly find a younger and more ambitious replacement, albeit with less experience, but open to new learning.

However, as statisticians note, women cope more easily with a crisis associated with professional activity:

• firstly, they are less likely than men to understand that they have chosen the wrong path;
• secondly, by nature they have a wide profile of inclinations, which allows them to find themselves in an alternative type of activity.

Fear of loneliness

For women, the midlife crisis is more often based on an awareness of loneliness, that is, we are talking about marriage and children. The specificity is that the problem is not in finding your soulmate, but in avoiding loneliness. This includes the thought “I’m 35, and I don’t have a kitten, a child, or a man.” And attempts begin to “jump” into any direction, which often ends in new experiences.

Family

Repeated and late marriage for middle-aged women is dangerous not only because of the crisis of everyday life itself, but also because of identity problems. As psychotherapist Erik Erikson noted, a change of surname can result in an identity crisis, that is, self-determination of belonging.

The birth of a child (first or second and subsequent ones) can also result in disagreements. Between children or child and husband. The basis of every misunderstanding is the “sharing” of a woman’s attention.

Fear of death

For women (as well as men), a crisis based on the fear of old age and death is popular. The realization that a person is no longer growing up, but aging, does not give peace. If at the same time you still don’t like something about yourself, your life, then 2 options for the development of events are possible.

1. Endowing hateful characteristics with an object and then removing it from life (“It’s all my fault...”). Oddly enough, it could be a spouse, a loved one, or work. Then a new object is found, which, according to expectations, should restore its former youth. However, over time it becomes clear that you cannot run away from yourself. This is how casual love affairs often arise.
2. The second option is to preserve the object, despite the obvious deterioration of the relationship. For women, this is also closely related to family life. “We have children, we’ve been through so much.”

It is worth noting that women prefer the second option.

Children and motherhood

There are 2 possible reasons for concern.
By the age of 40, a woman may feel despair if she still has not found the time and opportunity to have children. And although many people now give birth after 40 years, psychologically this age turns out to be the most traumatic. The second reason for the disorder is grown children. By the age of 40, many women have already grown up their children. If until this time the mother was constantly busy with children's problems, the sudden emptiness will shock her, especially if the woman had several children the same age. The habit of constantly being under time pressure due to the abundance of troubles and problems associated with children has been developed over the years. And suddenly the children graduated, got jobs and left. The mother feels unwanted.

Interesting facts about midlife crisis in women

I would like to introduce you, dear readers, to some interesting facts that were revealed during a number of psychological experiments and studies.

1. Women who grew up with one parent are more susceptible to midlife crises. However, girls from foster families do not have high rates.
2. Women with family problems (addictions, loneliness, conflicts, financial problems) have a more difficult time experiencing a midlife crisis.
3. The midlife crisis is more pronounced among female team members than among social workers, bosses or organizers.
4. Women in crisis are always dissatisfied with their profession.
5. For married and unmarried women, the family has the same value, but the importance of education, social life and hobbies is lower for married women.
6. Married women value self-development, social activity and communication, individuality, and spiritual growth less highly.
7. Married women value material goods more than unmarried women.
8. For divorced women, their own prestige is more important.
9. One of the main differences between middle-aged women and men at the same stage of life is sexual activity. The peak of female sexuality occurs at 26-30 years old, and the decline begins only after 60.

Career, self-realization and problems of a housewife

At the beginning of her career, a woman makes plans for her career. Some ladies are very ambitious and set themselves difficult to achieve goals. Sometimes such women sacrifice their personal lives, health, and recreation in order to obtain a coveted position. There are cases when mothers refuse to raise their children so that no worries distract them from the implementation of an ambitious plan. Success does not always depend on hard work. Sometimes the efforts expended do not give the desired result, and the sacrifices are not justified.

Read more: Child psychology. Main stages of childhood For some reason, a woman fails to achieve what she wants, and sometimes even gets closer to her goal. At some point, she begins to realize that the dream is not destined to come true, and the sacrifices were in vain. She was left alone without a position and without a family.

A successful and educated girl can refuse self-realization, deciding to devote herself to her family and children. This may be due to the birth of several children or to the illness of the child. If the family has wealth, the young wife can happily take care of the housework. At first everything looks perfect: the house is tidy, the husband and children are happy. But over time, a rift may appear between the working husband and the housewife. The husband is constantly developing, he is successful and interesting, but the wife feels inadequate and dependent on him. Some husbands may make the problem worse by emphasizing their wife's dependence.

Recommendations for overcoming the crisis

First of all, I recommend visiting a specialist. The crisis situation cannot be viewed in general terms. To develop a specific action plan, you need to know all the personality characteristics (for this you need to carry out a series of diagnostics, observation), the causes of the crisis (life history, value orientations) and much more. Man is a unique object of science. There are no uniform instructions for it. This is the beauty (and challenge).

If a visit to a psychologist is not yet possible, then I recommend trying to understand yourself using the following steps.

1. Take your time with active actions, give preference to mental operations and studying the situation. Accept the current situation. Divide the overall task (problem) into subtasks. Select the main and real ones (those that you can complete).
2. Don’t neglect outside support: friends, children, spouse, literature.
3. Be active (education, work, communication with people who are interesting and significant to you).
4. Try to change your attitude towards the current situation, accept yourself and it.
5. Write down the advantages of the new position.

Remember that midlife crisis is a subjective concept. It’s not a fact that every woman will encounter it. But probably everyone has heard about him. That is, there may be a fact of contrition.

Enjoy your new stage of life! You are wise, experienced, beautiful. Your natural inclinations and potential have not gone away; on the contrary, they are supported by a huge knowledge base and practice.

Psychological attitude and self-realization

Sometimes it is difficult for a woman to come to terms with a dream that has been lost forever.
She may experience a feeling of shame or guilt for some actions in the past, suffer and suffer from hopelessness. This state of affairs is not constructive. You need to try to come to terms with your circumstances and accept your life as it is. Experts advise surrendering to the will of your feelings and crying heartily. You need to let your emotions come out, this will significantly ease the condition. You can’t judge yourself too harshly: people are not perfect and everyone has done things in life that they are ashamed of. If you can fix something, you should try to do it. You can apologize to a person who was once wronged in vain. And even though many years have already passed, that person will probably be pleasantly surprised, and a stone will fall from your heart. In my past life there were many positive and worthy things. You need to remember the good and tune in to new achievements. It is important to correctly set new priorities, focus on positive aspects and listen to your inner voice.

Often women suffer from the fact that they have not realized their desires and have not developed their talents. Children's dreams do not disappear with age; things put off for later remind you of themselves throughout your life. Middle age is a period when you can still catch up and achieve a lot. You can get an education and learn a new profession. At the same time, this is the age when a person more clearly defines his needs and more easily seeks a way to satisfy them, therefore forty-year-old people who have started some new business achieve success faster than some young people. They don’t waste time and concentrate better. It is useful to remember the words of the heroine from the famous film: “At 40, life is just beginning.” And indeed it is. At this age there is still enough health and strength to implement any plans, but you already have precious experience. You need to boldly change your field of activity if the need for this has long been ripe and not be afraid of difficulties.

What should you not do?

During life crises, it is necessary to remain calm, be patient, and act thoughtfully.

When the “revolutionary” stage begins, do not give in to impulses:

• instantly break off personal relationships;
• have a love affair on the side;
• quit your job and join an adventurous project;
• instantly change your field of activity;
• make drastic changes in appearance that look ridiculous;
• try to restore peace of mind by joining a sect;
• sell property and give the proceeds to religious organizations;
• drown out suffering with alcohol and drugs;
• isolate yourself from society, spend time alone;
• torture yourself with unreasonable physical activity;
• quit hobbies, give up pets.

In moments of crisis, it is recommended not to perform any significant actions. At these moments, a person needs time to evaluate and analyze past experiences and develop action strategies for the future.