It’s better to learn something from masters, and this also applies to the ability to communicate with people. This approach allows you to avoid many mistakes and seriously reduce the time to master the skill. Effective communication is an entire art, with its own characteristics, subtleties and nuances. But if you really want to learn how to communicate, you already have all the cards in your hands. In this collection, we have collected interesting materials on the topic of communications, including many tips and recommendations, including from famous and truly great personalities.
1
Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg
Are you familiar with the concept of nonviolent communication or perhaps apply it in life? This concept was developed by Marshall Rosenberg and described in detail in his book “The Language of Life. Nonviolent Communication." We have already published one article with a brief coverage of this method. However, the ideas proposed by Rosenberg are so simple and effective, and also remain relevant today, that they deserve detailed consideration. The article took a closer look at the essence of nonviolent communication and talked about how to learn how to use it. Read more…
3
Functions of mass communication
- Informational. It consists of conveying information to the audience. This increases the degree of knowledge of the individual, expands his ideas about the world. This function is useful provided that the transmitted information is reliable and people have a high degree of criticality.
- Regulatory. Consists of social control through manipulation and control of people's minds. Achieved by shaping public opinion.
- Socialization. A person, as a rule, accepts social norms, principles of ethics and aesthetics promoted in the media as a proper stereotype of lifestyle, clothing style, communication manners, etc. In this way, norms corresponding to a given historical period are formed.
- The culturological function is associated with the transmission of cultural values to next generations. Promotes mutual understanding between representatives of different cultures and religions, relieving social tension.
Providing psychological first aid: advice from Guy Winch
Guy Winch is an American psychologist, author of the book “Psychological First Aid” and developer of techniques for providing such assistance to people. He is famous for equating psychological first aid with medical first aid in importance, proving that psychological trauma can have no less consequences for human health than physical trauma. Guy Winch believes that everyone should learn to provide psychological first aid to themselves and loved ones in all major situations. The author identifies seven such basic situations and devotes a separate chapter of the book to each of them. In this article we will briefly introduce you to the main ideas of the author of this technique. Read more…
4
A culture of speech
Speech culture has a significant impact on the effectiveness of communication. If a person has a sufficient vocabulary, it will be easier for him to express his thoughts to his interlocutor.
However, speech is not only a way of expressing thoughts, but also a means of understanding the world. An educated person will better understand his interlocutor, which will make communication more successful.
Cultural speech that meets the requirements of etiquette also helps to establish friendly contact with others - addresses consistent with the rules of etiquette facilitate further deepening of contact with the interlocutor.
Plato is my friend but the truth is dearer. Who to choose: friend or truth?
In a dispute, as they say, truth is born. However, everyone's views on truth can be radically different. That is why the question “Who should be preferred in a controversial situation: a friend or the truth?” has occupied the minds of many thinkers since ancient times. The most famous phrase, which has become an ideology for many in resolving important moral issues, was the phrase “Plato is my friend, but the truth is dearer,” uttered by the ancient Greek philosopher Socrates. In the article we will talk about the history of this phrase and its meaning, and, naturally, we will help you decide what is more important - a friend or the truth. Read more…
5
The importance of communication skills
Communication skills allow you to support any conversation, change the topic of conversation, speak out at the right time and find the right approach to your interlocutor. In addition, the psychology of effective communication includes articulation, gestures, mastery of facial expressions and expressive intonations and postures.
All these little things add up to a single canvas of professional, high-quality communication, which breaks down the boundaries of misunderstanding and alienation between people. By showing sincere interest in your interlocutor, smiling and showing cheerful participation, you can always win people over and improve your relationship with them.
Development of communication skills
The development of communication skills is required by every person on the planet, only if he does not live as a hermit in a cave. Even though many people now consider themselves completely independent, everyone has to interact with other people in one way or another. In this article you will find several exercises, games, techniques and books that will be useful to improve your communication skills. We'll also cover how messages are generally conveyed during communication and introduce you to several communication barriers and skills. Read more…
6
What is annoying about nausea in communication?
In addition to the above, you should not lose sight of another important factor in communication: do not throw up. Don't be too annoying, a repeating bore over and over again.
Psychology denotes such a thing as communication as an equivalent communicative interaction between people.
Simply put, all interlocutors should contribute equally to the conversation. If one, gesticulating wildly, describes his weekend adventures, problems with his boss...
He talks about his dog all the time, complains about regular migraines, not allowing the other person to get a word in - this communication cannot be called complete.
The art of communication presupposes the possibility of self-expression for all people equally, taking into account their abilities and characteristics of thinking.
Another sign of nauseating communication is constant whining and complaints. If someone talks about sad things all the time or looks for negativity everywhere, he infects his interlocutors with negative emotions.
Some call such people energy vampires, others look with regret at their love for their problems and the need for pity from others.
They say about such people that they like to vomit. Take an outside look at your usual behavior around your loved ones.
If several nauseating symptoms are often found in your speaking style, it’s time to get rid of it.
The art of understanding without words: can it be learned?
Probably, in everyone's life there is at least one person who understands without words. By itself, this phrase usually refers to fairly close people. For example, to old friends, friendship with whom lasts from school. To the spouses who celebrated their 20th anniversary of family life. Or to young people passionately in love, who have managed to become so close that it seems as if they have known each other for a thousand years. If there is no such person, then I would certainly like for him to appear. And not only to you, but also to many of the people around you. Can you yourself become for someone someone who will understand without words, by just a glance or even just silence? Can this be learned? Let's think together. Read more…
8
The Power of Active Listening
The power of active listening is most evident in customer service and negotiations. The better his staff works, the fewer complaints and the more satisfied customers and repeat business.
Well-trained department employees offer excellent service, learn to avoid disputes and try to smooth out conflict situations.
My effective communication training includes listening exercises that involve dividing the audience into subordinates (or customers) and managers (or service employees). The initial goal is to listen to at least three sentences and then rephrase what was said until the speaker confirms that he has been heard and understood. When participants demonstrate that they share the client's disappointment or irritation, the client moderates his ardor. One real customer even said, “Oh, you're so sweet. I thought you would argue with me or accuse me of lying.”
Once, at a seminar at a construction company, engineers interrupted their speech and began arguing and looking for a solution to the problem even before the subordinate finished his sentence. Even in a role-play setting, the discussion was quite heated. When you try to express your dissatisfaction and resentment, and they don’t listen to you, it is very annoying.
It took several days of practice before the construction company employees learned to listen to ten sentences in a row and were able to accurately paraphrase what the speaker was trying to say. Several training participants (mostly male audience) told me during a break that these classes also help in communicating with their wife. To which I replied: “If you want to achieve more, insert the words “Continue” and “You're right” from time to time.”
Naturally, active listening helps not only in personal relationships, but also in the work of the customer service, in the field of personnel management, etc. Among other things, if you listen carefully to your interlocutor, there is no time left to come up with counterarguments or justify your position . Engaging in speech demonstrates approval and allows the speaker to feel comfortable and open up even more. This means more satisfied customers, repeat business and increased sales. Effective communication skills directly affect the profits of any business.
The Cycle of Effective Communication
American businessman Bernard Baruch once said: “The ability to express an idea correctly is almost as important as the idea itself.” And it’s true, after all, any communication loses all meaning if it is expressed indistinctly and the speaker’s goals are not defined. Everyone understands that communication is an art. But does everyone have their own method of effectively transmitting information? Unfortunately, just the desire to convey a message will not be enough, because there are too many factors to consider. For this purpose, a communication cycle has been created to help develop and improve the message you are trying to convey. It also ensures that you don't forget anything important, take into account all the details and influence your audience in the most effective way. Read more…
9
Styles of information perception
In addition to different communication styles, your subordinates, partners and clients perceive information differently, that is, everyone sees, hears and interprets it in their own way. One of the communication specialists, former head coach of the Oakland Raiders John Madden once said: “Some players just need to explain the play and they will understand. You don’t need to say anything to others, but rather draw it on the board. And others need to be explained, drawn, and they still won’t understand until they run across the field themselves.”
Madden earned a teaching degree and, at age 42, became the youngest coach to achieve 100-win seasons. In practice, he encountered the fact that some perceive information auditorily (auditory learners), others visually (visual learners), and others physically (kinesthetic learners).
To effectively train and communicate with your people, figure out their typical perceptual style so that they hear you and be heard, see what you mean and grasp what you want to convey to them. If you carefully listen and observe clients and employees, you will find that they use words that signal the most comfortable ways for them to absorb information. Auditory learners listen to sound and intonation. They are very sensitive to emotions expressed in their voices. Visual learners need to see words, otherwise they won't understand you. Kinesthetic learners must physically and emotionally feel what you are talking about, touch it and let it pass through themselves.
Observe for a few days what words reveal your communication style. Also notice how the best salespeople adapt to their customers' communication styles. These skills are usually overlooked, but they have a positive effect on business contacts, resolve conflicts much faster and turn you into an effective manager
These skills are usually overlooked, but they have a positive impact on business contacts, resolve conflicts much faster and turn you into an effective manager.
Table. Basic communication styles
Task-oriented People-oriented Indirect
Self-confident, decisive, risk-taking, one-way communication, high achievement level, talkative, gives orders Assertive, proactive, negotiator, sociable, dreamer, big thinker, optimist, reliable, enthusiastic Style: likes clear, concise, specific memos, follows up for time: “Don’t waste my time. When will you report? Style: prefers open and friendly conversation, praise and encouragement: “A most interesting task and a great opportunity. We will do it". Needs: clear, concise, specific information Needs: recognition, freedom of expression, solving difficult problems Position: CEO, executive director, board member, president Position: sales manager, PR person
Direct Risk-averse, thorough, sticks to the rules, realistic, meticulous, precise, diplomatic, high standards, neat Friendly, calm, good listener, attentive, sincere, team player, focused on one task Style: prefers facts or questions without personalization: “Give us the facts. Please tell me what this money was spent on." Style: prefers a friendly, warm, pleasant conversation: "Good morning
How are you? Can I help you?" Needs: accuracy, organization, formal interaction Needs: friendly, familiar environment, recognition, attention to detail Position: accountant, engineer, system administrator, IT specialist Position: HR manager, social worker, administrator
Neil Fiore. Psychology of personal effectiveness. How to beat stress, stay focused and enjoy your work. — M.: Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 2013. Published with permission of the publisher
How to improve your listening skills
To become a good communicator, you need to learn to listen. This contradiction can be explained very simply: we want, first of all, to speak out, and the rare person who wants to listen to us will be very valuable. We are given two ears to listen, learn and gather information before we have a reason to say anything. There are so few good listeners because of all the communication skills, this is the most difficult one. After all, you need to calm down your ego, pay attention to the problems and world of another person and be patient. It seems almost impossible. And yet there are theories and methods that will help you acquire this skill. And this article will talk about them. Read more…
10
Psychology of communication with people
Hello readers of the site www.worldmagik.ru.
If you noticed, this article does not begin with the word “HOW”. Today we will talk about the psychology of communicating with people, what communication is, why being able to communicate is so important for a person and how to become a sociable person. The ability to communicate and build various relationships between people is very important in our time. Every day we interact with the people around us, whom we influence and who influence us.
To begin with, I will tell you some truth. If you search your memory, you will find that the psychology of communicating with people is not taught in schools. Maybe they teach now, but they certainly didn’t teach in my time. Such an important item did not exist. But the ability to communicate is VERY IMPORTANT for a person. So what's going on? A person graduates from school or college, but does not know how to communicate correctly and build relationships with people. We are not even taught how to communicate correctly with the opposite sex. Many men and women experience serious difficulties when it comes to communicating with the opposite sex. This isolation in communication indicates low self-esteem, self-doubt and fear. When a person is tense, it is difficult for him to speak interestingly and intelligently.
But trigonometry and drawing were very useful to us in life. I’m just sitting at the computer and drawing all sorts of lines. Due to the inability to communicate, lack of understanding of the psychology of communication, life does not work out for many people. Teachers themselves do not know how to communicate, although there are exceptions. There is a book by Dale Carnegie - “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” If we were at least taught from this book, then almost no one would have problems with communication. By the way, you can read this book. The most important thing is to use all the recommendations outlined in it. I recommend reading it several times. Man is a creature that quickly forgets everything. Many people will read a book once, use tricks or techniques for several weeks, and then forget about them completely and return to the starting position. It won't do. Here is a whole section for you: “The Art of Communication.”
So, let's go over the basics that will help you master the basics of communication. This article is just a small piece of the great science of communication psychology. But even she will help you.
Almost all people are the same, namely: selfish creatures who want to assert themselves in one way or another. Few people are interested in someone else's life, unless it talks about all sorts of sorrows. If you noticed, on TV all the stars of show business talk about their problems and failures in life. Why? Because some people feel good when they see that others are doing poorly.
So remember, many people like to talk only about themselves. To a greater extent, they are not interested in how you are doing, what you are doing, the main thing is to tell them about yourself. You know, like the joke:
“People are not at all interested in what you say. They wait for the moment when you finish to say: Here I am; But here I have...”
I confirm. Many people do just that. You talk to them about something of your own, and they interrupt with the words: “But here I am” or “But here I am.” Did you even hear what I told you? It is precisely because of this mistake that many people do not have relationships. The vast majority do not know how to listen to their interlocutor at all. I also have this problem, but only when I’m very tired and I don’t want to listen to anyone.
I very often notice how people talk exclusively about themselves, about their life events, and most importantly, about their problems. People love to talk about their problems, how lousy and disgusting everything is. There is a game in which the one with the worst results wins. People start to become so poor just to win this game. And the question is, why are they doing this? And it’s very simple, people crave pity. They so want someone to take pity on their poor little one, wipe his sniffles, and lull him to sleep. Do you enjoy communicating with such people? Do you do this yourself?
When I was studying acting, there was a girl in our group who even called people to cry into their vest. Can you imagine what this looks like? Of course, she had no friends. By the way, this girl read Dale Carnegie’s book, but her life did not improve because she neglected the rules. Failure to listen to your interlocutor and eternal complaints will scare away even the witch from the land of Wasps.
Sometimes it happens that the person you approach is not in the mood for communication. He doesn't feel like talking to anyone at the moment. It is clear that a conversation with such a person will not start, which in principle is normal. It is easy to identify such people. They have a sullen and tired face, they avoid eye contact, and their face says, “Fuck off.” The predisposition to communicate is easy to determine: a person smiles, laughs, has a fresh face, and approaches everyone himself. Be vigilant and try to notice such signals.
And, of course, people lack sincerity. I personally am tired of the question: “How are you doing?” He asks himself, but he himself is not interested. Usually people answer: “Okay.” Some manage to diversify the list of answers by saying: “Wonderful,” “Excellent,” “Best of all.” Like I said, people usually don't care how you're doing there. There is no sincerity.
If you learn to show sincerity, you will become the most beloved interlocutor. Many people like it when people are sincerely interested in them and ask about their affairs. True, this must be done in moderation, otherwise it will become an interrogation. I have had occasions when I asked just one question and then listened in silence for several hours. The man went on and on and on without a break. In some cases it was interesting for me to listen, and in others everything flew past my ears.
And of course, in the psychology of communication, the most important thing is the coincidence of interests. In order for both parties to feel comfortable with each other, they need to have common interests so that there is something to discuss. Even if a person is not at all sociable, his tongue will definitely loosen when it comes to his favorite topic. I also observed this once. A storm of emotions and a verbal hurricane.
It often happens that a person has an invisible barrier when communicating with another person. Sometimes this barrier occurs on both sides. It is clear that communication in this situation will not begin. Removing a barrier from your interlocutor is not always easy. This takes time. A person must get used to you, you must find similar interests and views. However, in most cases, people stop communicating with those people because of whom they have an invisible barrier of rejection.
The last thing worth mentioning is the voice. I have met people whom I was not at all interested in listening to, but their voice fascinated me. I just wanted to listen to their voice and not delve into anything. In communication psychology, voice plays an important role.
So, let's summarize the article - “Psychology of communication with people” .
The main rule is the ability to listen to your interlocutor. The second rule is to talk less about yourself, about your problems, and don’t complain. Third is the ability to be sincerely interested. Fourth – your voice. If you are really interested in this topic, then go ahead to the “Art of Communication” section.
Views: 18000 Rating:
Votes: (13)
Online program “Best Communication Techniques”
In 2 months in this online program, you will learn how to better interact with people. You will gain systematic knowledge of the 72 most effective ways to communicate with people, collected from dozens of sources. You will learn about the techniques and understand in what situations they are used, what effect you should expect from them, and also see examples of their use. The program will be useful to everyone whose work involves communicating with people, and to those who want to improve their communication skills. Find out more...
Friends, learn to communicate and interact with other people, and then you will be amazed at the success you can achieve. And we wish you good luck!
We also recommend reading:
- Storytelling
- 10 types of psychological influence
- Plato is my friend but the truth is dearer. Who to choose: friend or truth?
- How to Deal with Difficult People
- Rules and secrets of self-education
- Effective communication techniques: a selection of useful materials
- Everyday magic of communication
- Development of communication skills
- How to communicate with anyone, anywhere?
- Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg
- Providing psychological first aid: advice from Guy Winch
Key words:1Communication
Conditions for successful communication.
4.1. A necessary condition for the emergence of a dialogue and its successful completion is the need for communication, i.e. communicative interest . At the level of relations between participants in the dialogue, communicative interest establishes parity, regardless of social status and roles. Thus, interest in communication and equal rights in dialogue are not affected by: a) depth of acquaintance (close friends, acquaintances, strangers); b) the degree of social dependence (for example, the primacy of the father, subordinate position in the team); c) emotional background (benevolence, neutrality, hostility). In any case, if there is interest, there is an agreement to “listen”, “solidarity”. And this is the first step to successfully completing the conversation.
4.2. The next important condition for successful communication, correct perception and understanding is the attunement to the world of the interlocutor , the closeness of the worldview of the speaker and the listener. The past life experiences of the interlocutors, similar interests and cultural canons give rise to rapid mutual understanding, which is expressed by a rapid change of remarks using such paralinguistic means as facial expressions, gestures, tone, and timbre of voice. In intimate speech with complete trust and sincerity, anticipation of the listener's response is obvious and natural; in other genres, the success of verbal communication is determined by the speaker’s ability to imagine the world of the listener and organize his speech in accordance with this (starting with address, intonation pattern of the statement, word order, choice of semantic-syntactic structure of the sentence, expressive means of different levels, etiquette formulas). This contributes to the emergence of favorable attention from the interlocutor, and also activates all components of the cultural understanding of speech, communicative expectations and associations; openness to any position of the speaker, readiness to accept all arguments, anticipation of the meaning of each phrase and the further course of the conversation.
Speech forms of correct attunement to the world of the listener are very different: type of address, intonation, timbre of voice, rate of speech, special means of expressing the speaker’s attitude to the subject of speech (epithets, evaluative adverbs, introductory words and sentences), to the interlocutor, hints, allusions, ellipsis; implicit (or, conversely, explicit) ways of transmitting information, pauses, silence, etc.
4.3. The main condition for successful verbal communication is the listener’s ability to penetrate into the communicative intent (intention, intention) of the speaker . Since communicative intention is formed at the pre-verbal level of speech-thought, and comprehension of the meaning of what is said occurs parallel to the linear development of the utterance, the listener does a great deal of work in interpreting the speech flow and “reconstructing” the speaker’s intention, in rethinking what was previously said and understood, in correlating his “model” of what is understood with real facts and the interlocutor’s line of behavior. This “work” is as instantaneous, simultaneous and biological in its essence as the process of speaking, so individual differences are natural here.
However, some patterns can be noticed. For example, by the combination of linguistic units one can judge the speaker’s background knowledge, his memory, ways of using knowledge, and the information being transmitted.
In other words, you need to develop your communicative competence. Communicative competence presupposes knowledge of sociocultural norms and stereotypes of verbal communication. Thus, someone who knows these norms knows not only the meaning of units of different levels and the meaning of the types of combinations of these elements, but also the meaning of textual social parameters; for example, he knows the techniques of dialogizing speech (he knows how to use addresses in various forms, he knows how to sincerely express his assessment of a particular fact or event, which usually evokes a response, reciprocal empathy), he knows how to predict the emotive reactions of interlocutors, he knows the means of intimate communication. An important role in this is played by the speaker’s knowledge of expressions known to the addressee with an “incremented” meaning that have undergone the process of “secondary signification” in various speech situations: aphorisms, proverbs, sayings, text cliches, precedent texts, allusions, for example: counted - shed a tear; I said!
(proverb by Gleb Zheglov in the film “The meeting place cannot be changed”);
sword of Damocles;
Achilles' heel; home preparation (in the game “KVN”);
the train left;
we wanted the best, but it turned out as always; I don’t know any other country like this; Akaki Akakievich's overcoat; He’s not good for his goodness, but he’s good for his sweetness; parade of winners. Allusions and precedent texts in the speaker’s speech indicate a high degree of mastery of the social norms of the language; the interlocutor’s reaction to them is clearly predetermined by national, cultural traditions, “folk laughter culture.”
It is important to understand that communicative competence, helping the listener to recognize “true hierarchies” in a statement or text, allows one to correlate the relevance of a particular linguistic fact (word, expression, syntactic model) with the speaker’s intention. This can be called the key to adequate understanding.
4.4. The success of communication depends on the speaker’s ability to vary the way of linguistic representation of a particular real event. This is primarily due to the possibility of different conceptualizations of the surrounding world.
The speaker shapes the utterance and the text as a whole. He forms his own style of writing, a “point of view” when reflecting in speech some events, phenomena, facts, fragments of the “picture of the world”. The role of the speaker is also manifested in the method of linear organization of speech, in the choice of the main “participant in the action”; for example, the syntactic position at the beginning of a sentence is intended to indicate what (who) the sentence is talking about, that is, the topic of the statement; and the type of syntactic construction and its meaning depend on what exactly the speaker makes the topic. Wed: A wave swept the boat; The boat was overwhelmed by a wave; The boat was overwhelmed.
In addition to various ways of “scenario” presentation of real events, the speaker always conveys his attitude to the subject of speech, as well as (directly or indirectly) to the addressee using linguistic means. Thus, diminutive suffixes of nouns are found in speech if the addressee is close or sympathetic to the speaker (or in some situations the speaker wants to demonstrate this); for example (conversation between friends): This little blouse suits your violet eyes.
Thus, in the construction of a statement, in the choice of words, intonation, the speaker always reveals his (typical or individual) view of the world, and the success of verbal communication depends on how this view is consistent with the characteristics of the addressee’s worldview or his point of view on any issue .
There is a set of stereotyped constructions in language that “suggest” the interlocutor’s reaction; for example: The scary thing is...;
You need to imagine...; The important thing is that...; Naturally…; As is known; In general , etc.
The speaker constructs his speech with an orientation towards the world of knowledge of the addressee, adapting the form of presenting information to the possibilities of its interpretation. Wed: A. - The grass is dry. B. - So what? A. - There was no dew. B. - Why do you care? A. - It will rain. B. - Yes?
This fragment of the conversation shows the difference in the awareness of the speaker and the addressee, therefore, for speedy understanding, the speaker should have constructed his information in the form of a statement expressing cause-and-effect relationships between facts.
These could be two simple sentences, or a complex sentence, or a non-union complex sentence; for example: There is no dew - it will rain;
Dry grass in the evening means rain. The basic rule of speaker behavior is the hierarchization of the content of what is being communicated, which should be based on the speaker’s awareness of a particular issue; First, information is provided that can be used in interpreting the subsequent one. The personality of the addressee (and in polylogue, the character of the audience) also determines the style of information.
The topic of the conversation “dictates” to the speaker how it is presented in speech. Thus, the themes of patriotism, personality and society, duty, love require special vocabulary, means of subjective authorial modality, different from those that can be used when discussing culinary recipes or in a story about a noisy feast.
Mutual understanding and correct interpretation of the speaker’s position on any issue is possible only if the speech is the embodiment of a feeling-thought, if it is figurative, sincere, emotional, and resonates with the interlocutor.
Thus, for successful verbal communication, the speaker should not strive to tell the interlocutor only the facts, the “naked truth,” the objective truth: he will still reveal his opinion. On the contrary, one should consciously combine “direct” communication (information) and “indirect”, putting the message in a “shell”, a “fleur” of one’s own understanding, which seeks sympathy from the addressee. It could be irony, humor, paradox, symbol, image. Such speech is always a search for agreement.
4.5. The success of verbal communication is influenced by external circumstances : the presence of strangers, the communication channel (for example, a telephone conversation, a message on a pager, a note, a letter, a face-to-face conversation), mood, emotional state, physiological state - all this can determine the fate of the conversation. Communication will be more successful if it occurs orally and the interlocutors are alone. But even favorable circumstances are not a guarantee of success or agreement. A conversation is “created” by speech segments (replicas), pauses, tempo, gestures, facial expressions, glances, postures, the conversation develops over time, and each subsequent replica “layers” on everything said previously, interacts with it, and the result of this interaction is unpredictable.
The atmosphere of the dialogue becomes no less significant than its content, and therefore the “element” of the conversation increasingly captivates the interlocutors.
4.6. An important component of successful verbal communication is the speaker’s knowledge of the norms of etiquette speech communication. Regardless of politeness formulas, a language has a certain set of statements, fixed by the tradition of language use, which “prescribe” a certain form of response to the addressee. For example, for people who speak the language, it is not difficult to interpret the question How are you?
There is a response stereotype, speech etiquette behavior as a reaction to the expression
How are you?
How are you? and the like.
In specific communication situations, the listener correctly understands the speaker’s communicative goal, even if the statement is not formulaic, and builds a response in accordance with this. Thus, the phrase Coldly
with lowering intonation can mean, based on the speaker’s communicative intentions: 1) a request to close the window; 2) information about low temperature outside; 3) a warning to the addressee (“You can’t swim!”; “You’re dressed lightly”); 4) complaint of chills, feeling unwell; 5) signal in the game “hot-cold”; 6) an explanation of the reasons for any actions, for example, taping up windows, wrapping up children.
Etiquette speech behavior is strictly predetermined not only by “traditional” questions, but also by the circumstances of the conversation, the tone of communication, and its style. The basic rule for the addressee’s response is: the remark must fit into the “context” of the dialogue, i.e., be appropriate. To do this, every speaker of the language needs to know the meaning of “non-literal expressions,” that is, expressions whose meaning is not derived from the meanings of their constituent word forms; for example, to the request Could you please pass the bread?
or
won't you pass the bread?
the addressee must answer:
Yes, please
, but
I can’t
or
I will / will not convey
.
4.7. It is necessary to speak the same language, that is, take into account the individual characteristics of the interlocutor: age, gender, education, etc. This will make the conversation useful and bring satisfaction from the conversation.
If you want to start a dialogue, you need to consider whether your interlocutor has the time (desire) for dialogue.
The topic should be of interest to both. The most important thing is that such a conversation will be useful and meaningful if the interlocutors are familiar with this topic, it interests them both, and, moreover, everyone can express their views on this topic.
Remember the name of the interlocutor. The very sound of a name has a great impact on a person. During conflicts, wanting to relieve their severity, people subconsciously begin to use the names of their interlocutors more often. Often we need not so much to insist on our own, but to see that people are listening to us, and to hear our name at the same time. Often a name is the decisive straw for things to turn out in our favor. A person's name is the most important sound for him in any language.
To achieve the goal of communication, you can use the method of “raising the importance of the interlocutor.” It is described in detail by psychologists. We all want to feel significant, so that at least something depends on us.
The need to feel important is one of the most natural and characteristic human weaknesses, characteristic of all people to one degree or another. And sometimes it is enough to give a person the opportunity to realize his own significance so that he will happily agree to do what we ask.
There are thousands of means of raising the importance of an interlocutor; everyone chooses the most suitable one for a given situation. But there are also universal remedies that can be called truly magical words. For example, the phrase I would like to consult with you!
People read them like this:
They want to consult with me.
I am needed! I am significant! Well, why not help this person? Of course, this phrase is a general formula; the whole art lies in the ability to vary it, to look for the most appropriate words for the situation.
The main thing is to sincerely ask the person for one or another help. Raising the importance of your interlocutor can become a universal key to his soul only if this is done sincerely.
