Constant fear poisons existence, turning every minute of a person’s life into a real nightmare. Why does it appear, how to live with it and is it possible to get rid of the oppressive feeling of anxiety.
As a mental state, fear is inherent to every person to one degree or another. In a situation where there is a real threat to the life, safety or well-being of a person, fear is completely justified and even useful, because it guarantees protection against unjustified and inappropriate risks.
Appropriate fear helps to overcome an unfavorable situation, eliminate the threat, and then disappears on its own.
It’s another matter when a person’s life contains constant fear and anxiety, which paralyze consciousness and turn into an obsessive state that is almost impossible to get rid of on your own.
The reason for increased anxiety about your loved ones
There is only one reason - we can responsibly control our lives, but we cannot do this at all for our loved ones. It is impossible to blame your loved one - this increases anxiety and worry.
Remember the main thing, your loved ones and friends are not even asking you to worry and experience such discomfort. This kind of excitement constantly creates tension. One side is nervous and anxious, while the other feels awkward and irritated. Sooner or later, your loved ones themselves acquire neurotic anxiety and begin to worry even where previously it was quite comfortable and calm. It’s as if with our anxiety we teach our loved ones to be afraid and worry.
Is there a cure for bad thoughts ↑
Fear is one of the basic emotions like joy, anger, and sadness. It cannot be broken down into more fundamental components.
Both rational, or justified, and irrational fear are triggered by the same mechanisms. It is formed by two neural pathways that function simultaneously:
- One pathway is responsible for the formation of basic emotions; the reaction along it occurs quickly and forms the body’s response to an external or internal stimulus. This is a subcortical path, it takes place at an unconscious level.
- The second path is longer; it affects, in addition to the sensory and amygdalar nuclei of the thalamus, also the sensory part of the cerebral cortex and allows one to obtain a more balanced emotional response to an emotional stimulus.
Constant fear, as an unconscious reaction of the body, is precisely formed in this first way, affecting subcortical mechanisms. It is impossible to get rid of it completely consciously and independently, because its causes have gone into the unconscious. However, there is a cure for bad thoughts that poison life.
To overcome constant fear, you must:
- Deal with fear directly . Do not run away from the problem, thereby driving it deeper and allowing it to grow to monstrous proportions. This method is suitable for people surrounded by loved ones who are ready to listen and analyze what they hear.
- Agree with a specialist on the use of special medications that help reduce the effects of constant stress.
- Working with the body as a way to get rid of fear. It is important to notice and understand your physiological sensations at the moment when panic sets in, and to understand them. By eliminating stiffness, muscle tension, rapid or slow breathing, you can fight the physical manifestation of constant fear, thereby depriving it of the opportunity to manifest itself physiologically.
It is impossible to completely get rid of constant fear, and it is not necessary. You just need to lower the bar for its manifestation, lower the degree of influence and change the “minus” of its action to a “plus”. Then the feeling of constant anxiety will disappear and stop poisoning life.
What is the benefit of our anxiety for loved ones?
Of course, worrying about a loved one is a tool that maintains safety. Only if this has not become a habit for you, and you are not experiencing unconscious utopian benefit. And there may be several of them:
- increased attention;
- obedience to the environment through an emphasis on anxiety;
- initiation of one’s power over loved ones;
- getting what you want through increased anxiety.
Still, close relationships differ from others in trust, honesty and sincerity. And sometimes, your excessive care and increased anxiety are just your own life scenario, which you impose on your loved one. If you want a comfortable relationship, keep everything light. If they don’t answer you, it means it’s inconvenient to talk now. But something didn't happen. If someone is late, it’s traffic jams, and something irreparable has not happened. Try to eliminate scenarios in which you have negative thinking.
How to overcome the fear of losing a loved one?
In fact, the fear of losing the presence of loved ones is quite common in modern realities. In life, sometimes such despair covers us that it does not allow us to assess the situation sensibly. What is the fear of losing loved ones called? In fact, not many people know about this. This is a kind of phobia that is quite difficult to control. In some cases we are talking about thanatophobia or autophobia, since the fear of loss is closely related to the fear of death and the fear of being alone. You need to know how to get rid of this fear so as not to complicate your life in the future. There are a set of specific steps that are quite effective.
Analysis of the situation
Each case is individual. An in-depth analysis of the situation will allow you to identify those points that need to be worked on. You just need to be able to deliberately dwell on especially alarming moments and carefully immerse yourself in them. In some cases, you will have to give up a lot and reconsider your behavior. Sometimes, against the backdrop of fear for your future and reluctance to solve pressing problems, fear for your loved ones arises. A person simply takes and shifts his responsibility to someone else. This is extremely undesirable behavior that takes a lot of strength and mental energy.
Building Confidence
The more confidence a person feels, the better. Only in this case is it possible to liberate from the oppressive state and reach a new understanding of what is happening. Fear goes away completely only when the individual understands that he really has nothing to fear. Building confidence cannot happen overnight. You will have to go through numerous tests before there is any understanding of the situation. To develop confidence, you need to have confirmation that your steps are correct.
Sincere care for loved ones
The more warmth we give to our loved ones, the more we affirm how dear they are to us. These are not empty words, but the truth that is gradually revealed. Sincere care for loved ones actually opens our hearts and builds self-confidence. This is how a person truly understands that he does not live in vain, that all problems are solvable. A special, enduring meaning of life appears. The individual feels what he lives for and what he sees as his main goal. Then the fear of losing loved ones decreases somewhat. There is a feeling of calm, an understanding that the most important thing is affection and dedication. In this case, it becomes easier to feel confident in the future and deal with your fears. The main thing is not to despair and not to give up. Remember that there is always a way out.
Thus, there is nothing surprising or unnatural in the fear of losing loved ones. It is dictated, first of all, by the fear of being left alone, of losing the necessary help and support. This is an anxious state that does not allow you to feel needed, calm and happy. If you don’t know how to deal with the problem yourself, you can seek help from the Irakli Pozharisky Psychology Center. Working with a specialist will help you understand the reasons for your fears and let them go in a timely manner. There is nothing more important than living in harmony with your inner essence and unlocking your potential.
How to switch from constant worry about loved ones
An important key to any harmonious relationship is healthy self-esteem.
It is much more correct to switch your attention to yourself from worrying about your loved ones. Set adequate demands on yourself, others and the outside world. In situations of increased anxiety, do not escalate the situation; try, using personal tools of self-regulation (breathing, switching attention, changing topics) to create a favorable background for yourself. Include your personal pleasures. Do what you enjoy and enjoy. Do what interests you.
There are no unsolvable problems; there are solutions that you don’t like. Try to realistically assess reality and take a critical approach to your illusory fears. Is there any benefit to your worry? To you personally? What about your loved ones? Most often, this only rocks relationships within the family and does not give you the opportunity to fully enjoy communication.
Remember that happiness is generally in your own hands. And if you shift your focus from stress and worries about your loved ones to your personal pleasures and interests, your anxiety will gradually weaken. And the quality of life will improve significantly. The greatest joy for your loved ones is your good mood and being busy with yourself, instead of endless control and worry about your family members. A smile and happiness on your face is the best motivator for your loved ones.
Causes
The fear of losing loved ones does not come out of nowhere. Very often this habit of worrying about everyone and everything stems from an unconscious desire to control everything. People feel discomfort when they cannot understand what is happening and how much they are able to assess the changes happening to them. That’s when panic sets in and you have to act at random. A large immersion in negative feelings is fraught with not the most joyful consequences. The person loses a sense of reality and ceases to understand what is happening. It is at this moment that the support of your immediate environment is so important. But, first of all, a person himself must motivate himself to make positive changes.
Low self-esteem
There are people who have pathological self-doubt. Any, even the smallest trouble, can unsettle them and make them experience apathy and depressive disorders. It depends on the character, on the developed way of perceiving the surrounding reality. The more we value ourselves, the more positive changes we can allow into our lives. Low self-esteem often prevents you from achieving significant success, setting high standards for yourself, and realistically assessing your prospects. The fear of losing loved ones is activated when a person is overly focused on previous failures. Doubts paralyze the will, causing constant fear and anxiety. Excessive worry does no one any good. Some internal problems do not allow you to realize your true intentions.
Bad experience
The fear of being alone with oneself can be dictated by certain life events. When a person has already had a negative experience, as a rule, he does not want to repeat it. The person has already experienced severe mental pain, and he simply cannot endure any other kind of shock. A sad experience remains in the memory and makes you constantly fear that something similar might happen in the future. The fear of losing loved ones is a phobia that begins to control a person’s life. If this problem is not addressed, it will only get worse over time. An individual sometimes has to experience such mental anguish that he has never known before.
Obsessive states
This type of fear often occurs against the background of depressive disorders. They are usually accompanied by some obsessive states. It turns out that a person lives in constant stress and does not notice possible pleasant moments. Obsessive states can be long-lasting. They stem from the fear of being left alone, experiencing wild horror and confusion. These emotional experiences can arise, it seems, out of nowhere. In fact, they are easily explained by prolonged tension. After all, if a person is stressed all the time, depressive thoughts begin to attack him from all sides. It is quite natural for them to be in a state of emotional devastation.
Appreciate what you have.
It is impossible to expect something more from life and not make efforts to achieve it; ideal conditions will not create themselves. Of course, sometimes favorable circumstances arise, and then you just have to take advantage of them correctly, and unfortunately, rarely anyone can do this. Most often, opportunities are hidden under far-fetched problems; after solving them, ways to solve the problems are immediately visible. Take note of a few tips:
Live for today.
The past and the future are abstract concepts; some events have already passed and will never return, while others may never come. If you take this into account, you can step back from your worries and understand how to stop worrying about trifles. Today might not have come or it might have been much more interesting if you didn’t prepare yourself for a bad day in advance. It is better to focus on solving problems in the best possible way, the future will depend on it.
Limit communication with unpleasant people.
A waste of time with people who only bring confusion and doubt about the future into life. It’s not people’s fault that they are like this, they just have a different worldview, outlook on life and interests that do not always coincide with those around them. As for enemies, these people also have friends, they can only be unkind to you, if some important decision depends on them, then it is better to communicate with them through friends. When nothing depends on them, then you should limit yourself to only greetings, trying not to think about how to take revenge on them or about bad wishes for them; life is a kind of boomerang, and everything returns at the most unexpected moment. The main thing is to tune in internally so as not to judge people harshly, sometimes by showing understanding in some controversial issues, you become internally better.
Don't pay attention to everyday little things.
You cannot waste your life on trifles and react to various unpleasant little things, because there will be countless of them along the long road of life. The beginning of a calm life will begin when all unpleasant trifles are taken for granted, without hysterics and nerves.
You are collecting information
When you worry about something, you try to learn everything you can about the problem. Knowledge is power, isn't it? After all, this is how we find out the facts. Perhaps you have actually collected a number of facts (or perhaps not). But even real facts can be selected biasedly, that is, based on prejudices, and can be misleading.
This happens when you seek information to confirm your negative beliefs. You see a trend that doesn't exist, overestimate the risk, and attach importance to things that don't matter. Trying to find out whether a negative prediction can come true - “What if I have cancer?”, you find the necessary information and are inclined to confirm the prediction.
If you're worried that you're annoying someone, you'll not only look for any signs that that person is treating you badly, but you'll also interpret their neutral behavior as negative. Research shows that chronic neurotics view neutral or ambiguous information as threatening. Shy people consider any difficult facial expression to be angry.
Psychologists have also found that when we gather information about a threat when we're anxious (such as the possibility of a plane crashing, a terrorist attack, or contracting a dangerous disease), we almost always overestimate the risk. At such moments, we do not seek to find out the most important thing, namely: “How often does the worst NOT happen?” If you are afraid of flying, how carefully do you search for information about planes that land successfully? If you are afraid of being fired, do you keep track of how many days/months/years you have gone without being fired?
Be confident in yourself
One of the main reasons for anxiety is uncertainty. Always strive to be confident in yourself, your strengths, your appearance, and that you make a positive impression on others. The following simple steps will help you make significant progress in this direction:
- go in for sports (a beautiful figure is the most important factor in self-confidence);
- become a really good specialist in your fields (work, hobbies, common interests with friends);
- reconsider your own views on the surrounding reality;
- meditate (a well-developed meditation skill will allow you to quickly stop worrying in a difficult situation).
These habits will not only increase your self-confidence, but will also help you achieve success in the most important areas of your life.
What is excitement?
Excitement is a defensive reaction to external stimuli that allows you to mobilize internal energy. A person can worry for various reasons, for example, before a public speaking or other event in which he is afraid of not being perfect. Often the cause of unnecessary worries is shame or deception. A little anxiety before an important event is a normal reaction for any person, and there is no pathology here.
But excessive worries prevent you from adequately perceiving reality and lead to unnecessary fuss and mistakes. They worsen the quality of life, often due to the fear of being unsuccessful, a person loses an important chance to improve his personal life or advance his career. Many people, having been burned several times, prefer to “go with the flow” so as not to worry again. Unfortunately, this approach to life makes you ignore many promising opportunities.
