What would you do - whether it concerns life or work - if you were not afraid of anything? Such a simple question awakens countless fantasies, desires and regrets.
If the fear of failure or seeming like a complete idiot has ever held you back from doing what your heart called for, you will need some very important advice from business consultant Sandya Bruegmann. There is no need to fight fear. Just accept it and don’t let your worries slow you down on the path to your dream.
Usually we consider fear as an unpleasant emotion, which we try to avoid with all our might. Fear literally paralyzes, so instincts willy-nilly switch to survival mode. Unfortunately, such behavior can lead to actions that have nothing to do with moving towards our goals.
Sandya Brugmann
business consultant
In other words, if you let fear control you, you may forget about success.
This is especially dangerous for entrepreneurs. Running a business can be a scary and exciting experience in itself: it involves taking on financial responsibilities, dealing with frustrated clients or employees, and realizing that the decisions you make affect not only your well-being, but also the lives of other people.
On the other hand, Brugmann notes, fear is an emotion inherent in humans by nature. You won’t be able to get rid of it once and for all, and you don’t need to.
We are not faced with the task of curbing fear and preventing its occurrence in the future. Our goal is to understand what it is and learn to act based on willpower and without burying our heads in the sand.
Richard Branson phrased the same idea a little differently.
Fear sometimes makes you wet yourself, but courage makes you act even in wet pants.
Richard Branson
entrepreneur, founder of Virgin Group
The metaphor is not the most elegant, but it conveys the essence absolutely correctly: do not give up on your dreams because of fears, just accept them as part of life. Here are some tips to help you stop being afraid and start doing something.
Embrace your fear
As with any similar work on oneself, it all starts with thoughtful reflection and self-acceptance. When working with fear, we must clearly understand that our main goal is to prevent fears and anxieties from imposing their conditions and controlling our lives.
Nevertheless, fear is characteristic of every person and all living beings, because it is dictated by instincts, including the instinct of self-preservation. These are pure emotions that cannot be gotten rid of, but which can and should be worked with.
- FAQs How to overcome fear: 13 steps to help you stop being afraid A selection of tips that will help you cope with various phobias and start living happier.
Thus, first of all, we must accept our fears and learn to act in accordance with them, without deviating from our intended goals.
Billionaire Richard Branson once said that fear sometimes makes us wet ourselves, but courage allows us to continue to the end even with wet pants. This idea is formulated very succinctly and clearly conveys the attitude that we should form towards the fear of acting. We cannot afford to neglect our plans, we need to accept these concerns and make them part of the creative process.
What is it: fears and anxieties
If a person were fearless, then he would become like a robot, without feelings and an emotional component. Of course, this option automatically removes many difficulties, but at the same time it provokes a lack of sincerity. But what you really need to understand is how to stop being afraid of the worries themselves. To do this, it is worth delving into the concept and from it identifying a method of struggle. The sensation appears as a normal reaction in the presence of real danger to a person. But if it exists on a subconscious level, then the help of a psychologist will be needed.
Fear brought to an advanced state manifests itself not only in the form of internal tension or anxiety. It often provokes panic attacks. All this makes the individual feel terrible discomfort in stressful situations. If we talk about physiology, then the heart rate increases, increased sweating, and migraines appear. You may feel almost faint. But the natural purpose of fear is to protect against rash actions that pose a real threat to life. But when emotions get out of control, it’s worth thinking about what to do so as not to be afraid.
Learn to work with criticism and objections
Each of us needs to clearly distinguish between biased attacks intended to tease a person and objective criticism, which can be the most valuable advice. Unfortunately, our defense mechanisms often cause us to take valuable criticism with hostility. Thus, we lose the ability to rationally evaluate our activities.
You need to work with this problem and try to listen to the opinions of others.
Sometimes we are afraid of negative reviews and public censure, but all innovators and experimenters have gone through this. Denial is an integral stage of accepting something new and unknown. Remember this.
What do people fear most?
The number of fears accumulated by a person by mid-life is incalculable. Most people hide their phobias, afraid (again, afraid) to appear funny in the eyes of others, who, in turn, hide the fear behind feigned bravado.
Read more: Phobias: causes, symptoms, diagnosis, treatment, list
Based on opinion polls in which several thousand people around the world took part, a rating of “What a person fears most” was compiled.
- Loneliness.
- Death.
- Social phobia.
- Spiders, rats, cockroaches, snakes, etc.
- Intimacy.
- Madness.
- Bacteria and germs (verminophobia).
- Cowardice.
- Poisoning.
- Old age.
Interestingly, the fear of being alone and rejected by society prevails over the fear of death. Although this state of affairs is confirmed by facts, when criminals who committed atrocities at sea preferred to be hanged in their homeland than to be left on a desert island.
Use fear to your advantage
Any fear can be viewed through the lens of a useful opportunity. In other words, fear can show us the direction of growth and generally show us who we really are.
If we look at fears from this angle, they can become our points of growth. Over time, you may even develop a feeling of gratitude for past vulnerabilities. Some successful people consider fears to be their gift. With their help they learn and overcome difficulties.
Naturally, this approach is achieved through hard work on yourself, but with it, life will become much more interesting and exciting.
Sleep paralysis - what is it?
This is another of the strong fears of people. It is connected with the fact that you wake up, but you are in a state between awakening and sleep. You can’t move, you’re completely immobilized. And the most frightening thing is that various hallucinations begin to appear, they are different for everyone. I had this happen, it was just terrible.
Some people associate sleep paralysis with a brownie who is trying to show what he doesn’t like about his owners. Believing is up to everyone, but there is a good way to get out of this state.
If you realize that you have been overcome by sleep paralysis, start moving, but not sharply and quickly, but slowly, very slowly, with each part of your body in turn. And if you believe in spirits, then read the Our Father prayer.
Fight toxic thoughts
Some thoughts that arise in our head can be truly destructive and have nothing to do with reality. Sometimes in moments of failure we tend to blame ourselves for what happened, doubt our own competence and generally lose hope of success.
Naturally, you shouldn’t go into the jungle of self-destruction. You need to realize that not everything works out the first time, and mistakes and failures are good moments for analyzing your activities.
- FAQs Do you have a phobia? 6 most common fears in the world (and how to overcome them)
You can immerse yourself in toxic thoughts and spin them to incredible proportions, but it is better to try to prevent this and continue to move towards your dream.
What to do and how not to be afraid of anything or anyone in life
There are several other methods to overcome this condition:
- Meditation. Exercise helps improve emotional balance. But such techniques also help improve physical capabilities. After the training, you come to understand how to live harmoniously in society and not pay attention to the external situation.
- Medicines. When resorting to this option, you must consult a specialist. It is used only in advanced cases and is aimed at reducing the critical location. The downside is that the drugs are addictive.
- Psychotherapy. Here you will also need to consult a professional. The method is suitable for those who have been diagnosed with a real problem of fears on a subconscious level.
You can also resort to traditional medicine. Calming complexes of herbs and tinctures balance not only the nervous system, but also the physical condition of people.
Start dedicating yourself completely to what you love
Sometimes, in order to overcome fears and apprehensions, you need to be so passionate about the goal that obstacles in the form of mental barriers seem like light bumps on the long road of achievement.
To take this road, you need to find your favorite thing and completely immerse yourself in it. This kind of obsession (in a positive sense) will help you deal with your fears and concerns more easily.
The main thing is to fully believe in what you are doing and at least approximately see the final goal.
How not to be afraid and start living: 10 recommendations from Dale Carnegie
A world-famous American psychologist created the concept of conflict-free interaction, a program for self-improvement, eloquence, and, of course, the art of a balanced life in harmony. Let's look at some tips from his book.
"Iron Doors"
The first thing you need to take care of is the distinction between the present, past and future. The scientist proposes to mentally establish a strong curtain between these periods. After all, you need to lead your life now, without regretting what happened and without worrying about what will happen. These thoughts only increase anxiety.
"Magic" formula
This is the development of American inventor Willis Carrier. Its essence is that:
- you need to ask yourself: “What’s the worst thing that could happen to me?”;
- come to terms with it;
- think about actions that can change the situation.
"Momento mori"
Realize that anxiety causes enormous damage to your health. As an example, Carnegie cites the fact that businessmen who do not know how to cope with anxiety die too early. After all, these emotions affect nerve cells. And the more often a person is exposed to this condition, the less time he has to live.
Positive thinking
To protect yourself from fear, a person needs to create a special state of mind that brings harmony and joy. It can be developed through cheerful thoughts, actions and obtaining happiness from life.
Activity
Unemployment is one of the reasons for concerns. If an individual is not doing anything, his consciousness automatically generates anxiety. Therefore, if you want to rid yourself of this, load yourself up with intense work.
Habit Replacement
Anxiety is a rather harmful habit that needs to be eliminated. The most effective way is to replace it with another, more useful one. Don't be upset by the troubles - this will be an excellent replacement.
Low probability
The advice is related to the Law of Large Numbers. It lies in the fact that periodically it is worth asking: what is the chance that what I am afraid of will happen to me? According to the theory presented, it is too small.
Resignation to the Inevitability
Many people continue to worry even when something bad has already happened. Avoid this. After all, if it is impossible to change what is happening, take it for granted and calm down.
"Limiter" of anxiety
It is needed to control emotions. To establish it means to determine for yourself what degree of fear a particular phenomenon deserves. Set a limit that you absolutely cannot go beyond.
Interest in people
Fears also arise at a time when a person is fixated on himself. Therefore, be interested in others, do good deeds even for strangers. And you will be surprised at the result.
Try to relax more often
Of course, you shouldn’t overexert yourself and work until you lose your pulse. The human body needs to recharge both mentally and physically.
Therefore, learn to relax when your mind and body ask for it. For this, meditation, massage sessions, computer games, going to the movies and museums, and classic hangouts with friends will be effective.
Just find for yourself those activities that most accurately meet your needs and do not allow yourself to overheat in the fight against fears.
How to stop being afraid: tips, techniques, exercises
I have collected 10 universal ways to deal with fears for you - gradually implement them and start living in a new way. It takes time to rewire your subconscious mind, so be patient.
Adoption
First, you need to face your fears and honestly admit to yourself that you are afraid. While you deceive yourself and come up with various excuses, your fears bloom in full bloom and prevent you from living.
Realize that you don’t meet girls not because they are all scary, but because you are afraid. And don’t ask for a salary increase for the same reason, and not at all because you already have enough money. Only well-reflected fear can be treated.
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Rationalization
Despite the fact that most of our fears are irrational, that is, they cannot be explained logically, they can be brought to the level of consciousness. To do this, you need to answer the question “what will happen if what I fear happens?” Once you have your answer, ask yourself this question again. And so on until you run out of answers. This way you will get to the bottom of your deepest fears, which you may not have even suspected. Here's an example.
What will happen if I try to meet this girl? “She can refuse and laugh at me.” What will happen if the girl refuses and laughs at me? – My self-esteem will drop and I will feel like a fool. What happens if my self-esteem drops? – I will become even more insecure and then I can definitely give up on communicating with girls. And so on.
Movement
As we have already found out, fear puts all body systems on alert. You can extinguish the hormonal explosion raging in your bloodstream through physical activity. If possible, run, wave your arms, jump in place, do push-ups. You will immediately be “released” - stiffness and numbness will disappear, your legs will stop giving way.
Aggression
Many psychologists advise transforming anxiety into aggression. Just don’t point it at others. You can beat a pillow, bang your fist on the wall, swear dirty when no one is listening. This method not only eliminates the manifestations of fear, but also adds confidence and determination.
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Breathing techniques
In moments of intense fear, our heart rate increases and blood flow increases, and accordingly, our lungs begin to work more intensely. Breathing, unlike heartbeat, is subject to conscious control, so through it we can influence the entire system.
Take a deep breath and focus on exhaling - let it be as long and smooth as possible. Concentrate on your feelings, try to drive away extraneous thoughts. Breathe like this until you feel calm and relaxed.
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Aromatherapy
Essential oils of mint, lemon and sandalwood have a calming effect and help cope with anxiety. You can put a few drops on a napkin and carry it with you. It is also useful to take baths with these oils to relax the nervous system and prevent anxiety.
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Exercise “Dissociation”
This technique is from the NLP arsenal, with its help you can even get rid of panic attacks, not to mention ordinary fears. During times of severe anxiety, imagine leaving your body and observing yourself from the outside. Try to mentally control the image - make it less bright, turn down the sound, increase or slow down the speed of movements. It's like watching a movie on a movie screen and changing settings using the remote control.
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You won’t even notice how the intensity of fear will decrease during these mental manipulations. Try it and see for yourself.
Exercise “Place of Power”
I borrowed this technique from the book “Cleansing the Soul: The Art of Meditation” by Katsuzo Nishi. You need to master it in a calm state, so that you can then successfully apply it in stressful situations.
Sit comfortably and relax. Imagine how you go down a spiral staircase and with each step your mind is freed from unnecessary thoughts. When you feel that your mind has become clear and focused, mentally move to some very pleasant and calm place for you. It could be a cozy cave on the seashore, a wooden house in the forest, a baby's cradle - anything.
Feel how this place protects you, gives you strength and energy. Mentally visit it as often as possible to consolidate the image in the subconscious. The next time you feel scared, go back there and the anxiety will subside.
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Exercise “Visual scale”
This exercise is also from the NLP arsenal; it is based on the idea of the unity of body and psyche. You can read more about it in the book “New NLP Code” by T.V. Gagin and S.S. Ukolov.
- Imagine a scale with numerical values marked on it. You can take a ruler, thermometer, tailor's meter, etc. as a sample. The authors recommend that you first set a range from 0 to 100. This will be a scale of the intensity of your fear.
- Mentally determine what level your fear is at the moment. 0 – the most relaxed state, close to apathy or sleep, 100 – uncontrollable fear, panic.
- Gradually move the level up the scale, trying to cause corresponding bodily changes. You can imagine what you are most afraid of. Don't go to the extreme, stop at about 95.
- Then move down the scale in the opposite direction, trying to catch a state of maximum calm and relaxation. “Swing” back and forth like this until the connection between your scale and bodily reactions is established.
Now, in any situation, you can apply this method to get rid of fear completely or at least reduce its manifestations.
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Share your experiences with loved ones
You don’t have to go around to all your friends and tell them about what you’re afraid of. This way you can scare off your social circle. It is best to share your experiences with a few of the closest people in whom you are absolutely confident.
This could be either your loved one or an old friend who has always acted as a kind of psychotherapist for you (surely many of us have such).
- FAQs: 11 fears in the life of a modern man
Tell them what worries you, what worries you are experiencing, and listen to their opinion. Quite often, after such conversations, our self-confidence strengthens and we leave charged for new achievements. Don't be afraid to share problems, because it's often much harder to deal with them alone.
Causes
Without experiencing fear, any person would lose the boundary between comfort and health risks. Therefore, it is not surprising that everyone is afraid. But it is important to think not about this feeling, but about how to make the destructive influence minimal. It is not fear that should take control over you, but you over it. It is this approach that allows you to maintain sanity in any situation.
But let's talk about the reasons. There may be several of them:
- psychological trauma inflicted in childhood;
- loss of a loved one or loved one;
- conflicts at work and in the family, frequent quarrels;
- an unexpected event that is difficult to relate to reality;
- severe and prolonged stress.
In any case, the best way to win is to analyze the original source of the sensation and get rid of it yourself. If nothing comes of this, then sign up for my personal consultation, where I will tell you and tell you what to do.
Forget about past negative experiences
If you once had a negative experience, after which you acquired new fears and worries, you should not dwell on it and replay it in your head over and over again. Try to accept it and return to it as little as possible.
Just remember that the past cannot be returned, no matter how hard we try. Moreover, it is far from a fact that a negative experience once received should be repeated. We all make mistakes, we all stumble and get into trouble. But this does not mean at all that we should allow circumstances to get the better of us and break our will to move.
Think more about the present and the future, because this is what we have yet to experience.
Don't let unnecessary thoughts take over
You will never be able to control everything that happens, but you are free to choose how to react to it. When something bad happens, we tend to look to ourselves for the cause.
For example, you worked for a long time to launch a large-scale project or negotiated with an intractable client, but in the end everything went to pieces. Does this mean that the project or idea was so-so? No. This doesn’t say anything at all about you as a person, so don’t bother yourself with reflection in vain. Think better about what the next step towards achieving your goal will be. And remember: your path to success is never tied to just one specific person or opportunity.
See a psychotherapist
Try to see a good psychotherapist. Believe me, this is a common practice that helps improve the quality of life: many successful people resort to it. Although, of course, turning to a specialist is another fear that some also need to overcome. But we hope you will succeed if you really need competent and competent therapy.
Some of us may indeed have mental problems that we cannot cope with on our own. In this case, only an expert can help.
- FAQs Online psychotherapy is better than offline: 5 secrets that will help you get the most out of video calling. It may be unusual, but it’s worth a try.
- Author: Dmitry Petrosyants
Learn to say no
The biggest don't care wins. You need to learn to say no.
I have developed a rule for myself and always adhere to it very clearly. If someone puts pressure on me at the moment of making a decision, I always say no. If someone starts fussing and putting pressure on me, I always say no. If I am forced to give an answer immediately, spontaneously, I will always refuse.
There is amazing power hidden in this. Everyone should definitely try to do this.
The video describes practical recommendations on how to say a firm “no” in a given situation.
