How to overcome and get rid of shyness and stop being shy about people?

Constriction and stiffness, what is it in psychology?

A shackled person , what is he like? Shyness, shyness or timidity are all the same concept.

A shy person , as a rule, cannot show his emotions as much as he feels, cannot show himself as he is.

Shyness is a manifestation of self-doubt, fear of doing something, expressing one’s feelings and thoughts. A shy person is complex and closed.

There are two types of shyness: a person does not want to do what he does not like, which is contrary to his principles; such timidity is not based on fear and does not harm a person, but only decorates him; shyness, which comes from cowardice and lack of self-confidence.

Stiffness is the fear of expressing oneself, a feeling of internal pressures, difficulty in expressing thoughts. Stiffness is associated with fear or muscle tightness.

Modesty, shyness, timidity, is this a pathology ? What to do? Advice from a psychotherapist:

False shyness - or true shyness?

It is important to distinguish true shyness from complexes! When a person is embarrassed because the shameful actions that the situation requires are beyond his moral boundaries, this is decent shyness and completely normal behavior.

It’s another matter when a person’s shyness begins to take the form of noticeable self-doubt - this phenomenon definitely needs to be fought.

If not on your own, then with the help of specialists.

A shy person - what is he like?

You can often hear about a shy person that he is “not seen or heard.” He usually tries not to stand out from the crowd .

Timid people find it difficult to initiate conversations, especially with those they like, and because of this they often have problems in their personal lives.

They also have difficulty maintaining a conversation because they are afraid to say something unnecessary or incorrect , and worry about what they will think of them.

A shy person, be it a man or a woman, blushes, his voice and hands tremble , he has excessive sweating, “cotton legs,” discomfort in the stomach, he may stutter.

Each individual exhibits “symptoms” of shyness.

But one of the above will definitely be there.

Test

You can determine the degree of your shyness using a test. Choose 1 option from 3 proposed answers.

Were you compared to other children as a child?

Yes, but only in my favor.
No, my parents thought it was inappropriate.
Yes, they criticized.

A colleague invites you to dinner after work.

Go, because you can get to know each other better.
You are anxiously thinking about topics to talk about.
Refuse to embarrass yourself out of concern.

In a cafe, you accidentally drop a cup of tea on a stranger.

Make jokes and apologize.
You get lost and ask for forgiveness.
You blush a lot and quickly leave.

Your friends criticize your hairstyle.

Laughingly say that she is not so terrible.
Wondering which hairstyle will suit you best?
You become isolated in yourself.

Your shyness.

It appears only in the first minutes of acquaintance.
Gives impetus to self-improvement.
Keeps you from taking advantage of life's opportunities.

If you get more “A” answers, this means you are not afraid of someone else’s assessment and have self-confidence. The predominance of answers “B” indicates the presence of a feeling of shyness, but very little and only in front of strangers. A large number of “C” answers indicates that shyness is preventing you from functioning normally in society. You should consult a psychologist to solve ingrained childhood problems.

Shyness is a natural protective manifestation of the psyche that is formed in childhood, but it is acceptable only in small quantities. Shyness in the form of a pathology prevents a person from communicating with people and achieving their goals.

If you don’t want to give up and are ready to really, and not in words, fight for your full and happy life, you may be interested in this article .

Is it good or bad?

Often, shyness is not very good. It can cause discomfort and sometimes interferes with life. After all, because of his shyness, a person does not do what he wants.

For example, he likes someone, but it is difficult for him to make the first move, or to maintain a conversation if the first step is taken towards him. There are also problems at work. Because of fears of doing something wrong, a person does not take initiative or put forward his ideas .

In studies everything is the same. A student may perfectly understand a subject or know the answer to a question, but shyness prevents him from fully opening up and becoming the best.

But shyness is not always a bad thing . It happens that a person has some principles of his own that are difficult for him to cross and he will not do what others do. He does not feel afraid of what is to be accomplished, but simply considers it unacceptable.

Shyness and modesty, what's the difference? Is it true that arrogance is the second happiness? Find out from the video:

How can girls deal with low self-esteem? Read about it here.

Consequences

Shyness can harm a person and deprive him of many opportunities in life.

Consequences include:

increased fear of the opposite sex;
there is no opportunity to make new acquaintances;
lack of career growth;
hiding creative abilities in front of the public;
distortion of adequate reactions to events;
the appearance of depression.

In society, shy people are unlikely to achieve success. They fear and worship people who are authoritative for them. They can only play the role of subordinates, where they are under the constant control of their superior.

When shy, a person tends to be closed. This prevents him from expressing himself; emotions cannot come out. There is a fear of speaking in front of an audience and demonstrating one's talents.

Causes

What are the causes of shyness in adults?

Why are people embarrassed to look into the eyes : “the eyes are the mirror of the soul,” and such a statement would be correct. You can learn a lot from the eyes, “read” emotions, and identify lies. Shy people avoid eye contact because they are afraid that feelings and emotions will be visible in their eyes. They believe that their interlocutor can find out what they really think.
I’m embarrassed by my appearance: almost all shy people have low self-esteem. Maybe at some point they were pointed out their shortcomings, ridiculed, or they themselves came to this conclusion. Because of this, a timid person tries to avoid being looked at.
I’m embarrassed to eat in front of people: how can I stop being afraid of people? A person is very vulnerable while eating, which is natural. There is embarrassment in front of people - this is a sign of lack of self-confidence. It happens that timidity manifests itself only in the fact that a person cannot eat in front of others, but otherwise he is quite confident in himself and does not experience fear in other situations. This problem usually has its roots in childhood.
I’m embarrassed to go to the dentist: shyness when visiting a doctor is usually due to the fact that the patient has very neglected teeth and is afraid that the doctor will make fun of him.

How to become courageous and confident? You will find advice from psychologists on our website.

Causes of shyness. How to overcome shyness:

Signs

Defining shyness is not that difficult. The condition manifests itself in the following ways:

fear of strangers;
anxiety when speaking in public;
diffidence;
fear of looking straight into the eyes;
presence of complexes;
desire to constantly improve oneself.

Shyness is especially evident when communicating with strangers. With friends and relatives the condition is less pronounced. This is due to the fact that the person knows their possible reaction.

Sometimes shyness is perceived not as a feeling of insecurity, but as arrogance and indifference to people. They feel like they don’t want to communicate with them. It's a delusion. They are simply embarrassed to interact with them.

What is looseness?

Looseness is the opposite of shyness. A relaxed person is not afraid to express his opinion; among people he feels free and not constrained.

He doesn’t care what others think about him; he has no internal pressures . Such a person is often self-confident and clearly knows what he wants, he goes straight towards his goal.

In fact, such people are very sincere, they do not hide behind masks, but immediately show themselves as they are.

The Hidden Benefits of Shyness

Being shy is a certain mental comfort zone. This has qualities and positive sides.

Helps avoid failures in communication.
To others, such a person seems reserved, serious, and balanced, especially if shyness is moderate or average.
Protects against conflict situations, since a person does not express his opinion and would rather remain silent than enter into an argument.
Shyness is a great excuse for not attending events and staying in a secluded, comfortable environment.
The interlocutor thinks that you are an attentive listener.
Shyness maintains distance between people, which protects against disappointment and other unpleasant consequences of communication.

This is why not all people actually want to get rid of this feeling. But this must be done, since the roots of shyness are often intertwined with self-doubt and can significantly ruin life.

How to deal with shyness?

Anti-shyness pills: Scientists are trying to invent anti-shyness pills based on oxytocin (the cuddle hormone). The medicine is believed to relieve people of shyness. Today, unfortunately, there are no pills that would help solve this problem. Sometimes doctors can prescribe some medications that will help cope with anxiety, but the effect of such pills is temporary and they cannot cure.
How to stop being shy and blushing: to stop being shy, you need to work a lot on yourself. First of all, you need to communicate more with people, “step over” yourself, do what is usually not typical. You need to understand that all people are the same, everyone has their own fears and complexes, just not everyone shows them. With redness, things are more complicated. After all, this is an involuntary reaction of the body. You shouldn’t get hung up on this if you feel like you’re blushing; under no circumstances should you stop talking and fall silent. It would be best to translate everything into a joke: “Oh, I’m blushing, it’s a little hot here.”
How to become sociable and not be shy: constant practice in communicating with people is the best medicine.
Yes, it may be difficult at first, but, as they say, everything comes with experience. It is worth starting with those people with whom it is easiest to communicate, with whom you feel the least discomfort. You need to express your point of view, try not to remain silent. There is no need to be afraid to say something unnecessary, because even if this happens, you should remember that it happens to everyone and there is nothing shameful in it. You can start with the topics you are best at. Then the feeling of seeming stupid will disappear, because you are an ace in this field.

How to stop being shy

Let's look at specific practices that will help you feel better in society. If you understand that the reason lies deep and you experience a strong fear of others, start with this article on how to stop being afraid of people.

Start with your image

When a person is internally liberated, he behaves confidently: he gestures, speaks clearly, jokes and laughs. Such people even walk especially. But this rule also works in the opposite direction. If you behave confidently, you will gradually get rid of shyness.

Write down “Put on the look” as the first item in your plans for the day. It includes:

smile;
confident gait;
straight back;
raised chin.

Also, look people in the eyes rather than looking down at your feet. At first it will be awkward and uncomfortable. But this is not a conversation and communication, but just your image, so try to overcome your inner embarrassment.

During a conversation, watch your speech. I recommend you an article on how to learn to communicate with people.

Go out more often

Sitting at home and not communicating with anyone, you will never get rid of shyness. Don't refuse invitations from friends and relatives. At first, just be in society more often to get used to the feeling. Then slowly start communicating with strangers or people you barely know. For example, smile at one of the guests and give a compliment.

This way you will know that people around you will not make fun of you or treat you badly if you say something.

Get out of your comfort zone

I do not recommend abruptly leaving your comfort zone, because it is very stressful for the psyche. It's better to do it gradually. Start small, such as writing comments on social networks and reviews in stores.

Personally, I reduced my shyness in this way.

When you get bolder, try returning the purchased item to the store. Or ask a passerby what time it is. These are harmless things that you won’t be ashamed of later.

Play sports and hobbies

Being in good physical shape will give you self-confidence. And personal interests will add topics for discussion with other people. You yourself will feel like an interesting person, and others subconsciously think so. It will be easier for you to be in society.

Also, by working out in the gym and attending some creative classes, you will meet new people. At first, the unknown situation will be stressful. But over time, you will realize that others don’t care about you. No one will discuss you behind your back, criticize or shame you.

Stop beating yourself up

This is difficult to do - I know from my own experience, since I am an anxious person. For example, when I have a meeting with unfamiliar people in a company, I start to stress myself out in advance and think about how uncomfortable I will be. But when the event passes, I realize that I was in vain to be so dramatic.

I recommend stopping yourself every time you notice anxious thoughts. Seize this moment and write down in a notebook what situation caused your worries. Then do breathing exercises or meditate. This will help you find yourself “here and now”, where nothing terrible is happening.

Shyness in children

Shyness in children is often a consequence of undeveloped social competence and its correction.

Reasons : sometimes a child is shy because it is so beneficial for him (often, so that the child stops being shy, he will be offered some kind of encouragement), due to his age or because of his temperament, a child may be shy in a new, unfamiliar environment, due to lack of self-confidence due to lack of experience in a given situation.
Shyness in preschool children: at this age, the child becomes susceptible to the opinions of others. Whatever he does, he waits for approval. When others judge him, it hurts him. He becomes unsure of himself, begins to be afraid to do something because it may cause a negative reaction. He tries not to get into situations for which he would be criticized.
The child is embarrassed to answer in class: at school age, children react very painfully to comments in their direction.
This may be the reason why they are embarrassed to answer in class, even if they know the subject well. Also at this age, they have difficult relationships with peers, and their first sympathy often appears for their classmates. Excessive demands from parents and teachers lead to the fact that the child may be afraid to answer insufficiently well, get a bad grade, and then be scolded.

How to relieve a child from tightness and shyness?

Recommendations for parents

How can a child stop being withdrawn? Recommendations for parents: how to rid your child of uncertainty:

You should not blame or scold your child for his shyness. We need to try to listen to him, understand and support him,
if the baby is still too small and already shy, then you can try to simply survive this period. Perhaps it’s just age and will pass soon,
Teach your child how to communicate correctly with other children and how to resolve conflict situations. It is advisable to show this by your own example,
find out why your child is unsure of himself. Perhaps you say or do something wrong, and it hurts him. Try to change your attitude towards your baby. Talk to him, tell him what you really mean,
Perhaps you should seek help from a psychologist. It will help you solve problems that you may not be able to handle.

Shyness can be cute and funny, but usually it only seems so from the outside. Shyness makes life very difficult. You need to work hard on yourself to get rid of it. But it's worth starting as quickly as possible. After all, this is complex and painstaking work.

How to get rid of panic attacks? Find out the answer right now.

Shyness - a character trait or a flaw ? How to learn not to be shy? About manifestations of shyness in children in this video:

Expression of feelings in different genders

Shyness manifests itself in children and adults, regardless of gender. But there is a difference in the manifestation of this emotional state and the reaction of the environment to it. Differences are formed on the basis of society’s understanding of men and women, their roles and behavior in society. A man should be confident, and a woman should be modest and shy with the opposite sex.

Based on this, society develops an image that boys and girls should adhere to. Behavior is evaluated and approved or condemned.

Due to stereotypes about shyness in families, children are raised in accordance with the prevailing image.

Men

Women are attracted to confident men. Timid young men do not inspire confidence. It is difficult for them to find a soul mate.

In addition, they are by nature protectors of the family. To feed her, to be a support, you need to be socially active in society. Parents, knowing this attitude, raise boys like men. Therefore, timid guys can be found much less often than girls.

More than 9,000 people have gotten rid of their psychological problems using this technique.

Women

Shyness is not a problem for women. In society, it is compared with modesty and is opposed to promiscuity. Shy girls are considered more attractive. They find a mate more easily than self-confident representatives.

I want to protect timid women. Men feel that shyness means they won't be able to take care of themselves.

Interesting! Shyness may appear due to a deficiency of serotonin. The lack of the happiness hormone increases the feeling of anxiety.

Definition of the concept

Closedness is a negative psychological trait of an individual, expressed in the limitation of his communication with people. A closed person experiences serious difficulties at work, it is difficult for him to make new acquaintances, and it is difficult for him to make contact.

According to statistics, approximately 60% of the total population of our planet is familiar with isolation. In most cases, it is observed in childhood.

For some, isolation may be periodic in nature - it manifests itself in the presence of certain circumstances. There will be situational closure here.
For others, it may be permanent. In this case, it could be triggered either by psychological factors or by a disease, a sign of which is an internal concentration on one’s personality.

Basic values, interests

The inner world is the main wealth of introverts. The character traits of schizoids are such that they are constantly immersed in themselves. The opposite is hyperthymic, open to everything that happens around them. Closed people value their inner world very much, but they often do not care about the external world, since it seems rougher and more primitive than their own fantasies, dreams, and thoughts.

The eminent German psychologist and physician Kretschmer compared introverts to Roman villas, whose facades are very simple, the windows are closed, and rich feasts take place inside. Thanks to this colorful metaphor, he emphasized that the difference between the dull appearance of representatives of this character and their inner world is extremely great. In contrast to hyperthymia, an uncommunicative person is characterized by restraint and secrecy. It is impossible to tell from him what “feasts” are taking place in his soul.

Communication

A closed person in a group generally stays aloof and prefers to remain silent. His contacts are usually limited to a small circle of friends and relatives. Such people are reluctant to talk about themselves, and you can often hear that information has to be literally “pulled out of them with pincers.”

It is not surprising that schizoid people have difficulty communicating. The secrecy is explained by the reluctance to share one’s own experiences. Introverts do not feel the need to contact the outside world, because they are quite comfortable alone with themselves. As one poet put it, they seek to “wrap themselves in the silk of their soul.” On the other hand, communication really poses a particular difficulty for them, since schizoids feel awkward and inept in the process of communication.

Kretschmer cited another vivid metaphor, where he compared a closed individual with a ciliate, cautiously approaching an unfamiliar object and observing it from behind half-lowered cilia, hesitantly extending its tentacles, and then immediately withdrawing them.

Despite the natural desire to isolate themselves, a shy person sometimes suffers from a lack of communication. This is especially common in childhood and adolescence.