Legal liability of spouses for insult and humiliation

In this article we will tell you:

1. 7 possible reasons for aggression on the part of your husband
2. 7 steps to solve the problem
3. Advice from psychologists to women who are abused by their husbands
4. What not to do to avoid making the situation worse

What should women do if their husband constantly insults them? Start showing mutual aggression? Tolerate? Try to reason with your spouse? In some cases this may correct the situation, in others it may not. The fact is that there are men who consider this behavior absolutely normal.

In general, the question of what exactly to do is quite complex. Here you need to act carefully and be sure to take into account the specifics of the specific situation. But what you definitely can’t do is leave the problem unattended. The hopes that everything will settle down over time are too elusive here.

Advice from psychologists to women who are abused by their husbands

If your husband begins to insult you, the advice of a psychologist will help you easily overcome the current situation and direct the relationship in the right direction. Experts offer:

1. Leaving your spouse alone - even if you haven’t thought about separating, you can move out of the apartment for a while. Don't agree to meetings by ignoring calls and messages. Upon your return, tell your husband how calmly you lived without him. This will sober up your partner, and, most likely, he will think about his behavior.
2. Ignore your husband during the next attack of aggression. Just leave the room or turn away and wait silently until your husband stops insulting you.
   Read also:  System of psychological sciences - History of the development of psychology

   Next, calmly tell him that you shouldn’t blame others for the fact that the man has driven himself into such a sad state. If he needs help, his family will support and help him. Hysterics and swear words are grounds for ending family life, which should definitely be mentioned during the conversation.

3. Questions are unpleasant and denigrating in a public place. This can stop an outbreak of aggression, since tyrants do not like spectators. But it is not recommended to resort to this technique if there are relatives or children nearby.

The husband is rude, there are two children, there is nowhere to go. What to do?

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes.

Reader question:

Good afternoon

My husband constantly yells, is rude, is rude, and throws things. He appears calm, but is actually very nervous. He’s 15 years older than me, he’s about 60. He seems to be balanced, and not like a teenager with an explosive character. It can explode in an instant and ruin the mood. I called him to dinner. yelled at the kids and threw a plate of food into the sink. He doesn’t worry at all about ruining people’s mood. Mostly in the evenings. This happens every day. He sits in the room by himself, if I come in to talk, he shouts “leave me alone, go away.” But he says that I am a nice person.

I have two kids. She walks with the children, does men's work around the house, and works. But his rudeness is very annoying. We don’t go anywhere together, he doesn’t want to, we went to church. No sex for 6 years. Watches porn. I don’t work, I’m at home with the kids, I have nowhere to go. I quit drinking and smoking. I'm very tired, How can I stop this rudeness? He often has such an evil look! It hurts a lot. What to do? I'm in constant stress and don't see a way out. He himself said that he was connected with me because of the children.

Archpriest Andrei Efanov answers:

Archpriest Andrey EFANOV

God's blessing be upon you!

You know, situations of acute family conflicts, especially long-term conflicts, are not a topic for letters. You need to go to the temple and talk with the priest, and I would advise you to start with this: come or call the temple and ask how you can arrange a personal conversation with the priest. This conversation should not be a one-time thing; you need to discuss your situation, your internal problems, fears, and so on, and begin to regularly confess to this priest and, based on his advice, build your spiritual life. This is important because in a difficult situation, the internal state is the first place to start.

At the same time, you need to contact a psychologist and go through several sessions with him, so that, again, with his help, you can understand yourself. And if the priest tells you what to do from a spiritual point of view, how to establish a relationship with God and what church means will help here, he will psychologically tell you how to put your thoughts in order on a more mundane, earthly level.

Such a deep analysis of the situation and self-analysis will at least allow you personally to understand what led you to such a situation and what you can do here. We are talking about you, because you cannot do anything for your husband, but for yourself it is very possible to understand about the situation.

And constantly pray to God and the Mother of God so that they will help you understand the situation. Maybe it’s worth asking the patron saints of you and your husband for help and reading the prayer “Thy apostles are a union of love...”, inserting the names of you and your husband.

With the help of a priest and a psychologist, turning back and looking at the present, perhaps you will understand what is happening and why and what you can do about it.

A very important point is that the husband used to drink. It’s good that you quit, but if you read the literature and talk to experts, you will find out that such people become very nervous. Perhaps the nerves become aggravated in the evenings at precisely the hour when the person used to drink. He doesn’t drink, he holds on, it costs him enormous effort - and it spills out in the form of conflict. A good psychologist (maybe not the first one you find) will tell you what to do here. Perhaps, after a conversation with a specialist, you will suggest that your husband seek help so that he too can feel better. If it becomes easier for him, it will become easier for the whole family. This is difficult, men are not very willing to do such things, so pray to God and follow the advice of a psychologist, what he will tell you after learning your circumstances in more detail.

Alas, I can’t say more, because we need to sit down and talk. I really wish that peace reigns in your home and that your relationship with your husband improves!

Such “unchildish” jealousy and “inheritance” from parents

There is a family life cycle; each stage has its own development tasks and crises. The deterioration of relationships is often associated with the birth of a child. Your little daughter willy-nilly invades your relationship. You, Alena, are both a mother and a wife. You are probably tired from the workload. Against this background, irritability and resentment worsen. And for a husband, a child is not an easy test. During this period, the woman pays much more attention to the baby than to her husband. Many men begin to worry that their wife has stopped loving them. These are unconscious processes. They may be jealous of the child and use aggression as a way to get attention. And we often get angry when we don’t get what we want from someone else. Screams, swearing, insults are similar to a child’s reaction - you’ve probably watched children fight in the sandbox, taking away each other’s scoop and bucket.

Quarrels are a great way to get each other's attention.

He is more familiar to your couple than the others.
It is important for your husband to love you and feel noticed.
But, as you write, in his parental family, “calling names” and raising one’s voice is the norm. Then all this time you have been successfully playing the children's game that your husband inherited.

Other reasons for constant screaming and humiliation

1. Lack of sexual and emotional satisfaction. Perhaps your husband is deprived of your support, does not feel your feelings and simply does not understand how exactly you feel about him. Every man needs a sensual woman for whom he will move mountains. And many wives tend to waste their potential on solving the problems of their relatives, girlfriends, and children. It is because of this that all sorts of problems often arise in many couples. After all, gradually your husband begins to move away from you and throw out his anger, as well as resentment, in scandals.
2. Social unfulfillment of men. Very often, it is extremely important for representatives of the stronger sex to succeed as a specialist, to achieve heights and recognition. Only in this case will he be confident in himself and the future. If he chose the wrong job and was not fulfilled, over time the entire flow of his dissatisfaction will pour out on his chosen one.
3. Stress from the modern rhythm of life. Not all men are able to withstand the difficulties of today's life. If there is a rush at work, and the boss is throwing up and rushing around, you can add to this the delay in salaries and standing idle in traffic jams, then it is possible that in the evening a lot of complaints await you. In this case, it is very important to understand the characteristics of your spouse. Try to limit him from additional stress. Perhaps he is used to having his shirt always ironed and waiting for him on the hanger, and borscht, in his opinion, should always be with sour cream. Try to make your husband as comfortable as possible at home.

But they themselves often first file and then withdraw a statement from the police. For what?

We all know the story of Margarita Gracheva, who was left without an arm. A month before her husband’s attack, she filed a complaint about the threats, but they never responded to it. The same goes for the Khachaturian sisters: their father had connections everywhere. Because of such tragedies, many do not believe in justice. Someone is afraid of revenge. Someone wants to intimidate the offender, but does not want him to be sent to prison. Stigma on the family, fatherlessness, lack of alimony. In the United States, criminals are not allowed to approach the victim closer than a certain distance. We are not so strict with this.

The case may be dismissed, and the angry man will become even more aggressive than before.

Plus, initiating a criminal case is not an easy procedure for any person from a psychological point of view. And especially for a victim of violence. Interrogations, reproduction of details from personal life, attempts to prove that everything was exactly like that. Sometimes there is simply no moral strength for this. Plus, social pressure plays its part - the same “you can’t tolerate quarrels in public.”

How can you not understand that you are being abused?

Its forms are different, mainly there are four types:

— Physical is the most understandable. The victim is beaten, pushed, strangled, pulled by the hair, cigarettes are put out on her;

— Psychological is the most difficult thing to prove, when a criminal belittles someone else’s dignity. “I cleaned the hallway, but didn’t have enough energy for the kitchen? Me too, mistress.” “What stupid underwear you’re wearing, there won’t be any sex today, I didn’t want to.” “Who is this writing to you on social networks? Let me read, you are my wife, you shouldn’t have secrets.” All this often ends with a ban on communication with parents, friends, colleagues, threats, humiliation, persecution;

— Sexuality is not only about being grabbed and thrown onto the bed, it is also a mockery of someone else’s appearance, an emphasis on shortcomings, an assessment of activity in bed. If a woman is not in the mood or feels bad, but still agrees to “fulfill her marital duty” so as not to make trouble with her partner once again, being forced to experiment, play, quarrel after smiling at a taxi driver - this is also it;

- Economic - a husband, father or young man takes away personal money or does not give his own for everyday needs, demands to pay off debts for them or sell joint property “otherwise I will be in big trouble”, force me to account for every penny and demand to give up, for example, hygiene products means, convincing that it is a whim.

Possible causes of the problem

You are a faithful and loving wife, an attentive housewife, a caring mother. Your colleagues treat you with respect, you always look after yourself and do not give reasons for jealousy. My husband is always dissatisfied with everything. All sorts of little things can provoke an attack of aggression, which instantly develops into a whole stream of curses and insults. Neither requests, nor tears, nor reciprocal statements - nothing brings results, the situation only gets worse. What to do if your husband constantly humiliates and insults you? A psychologist's advice will help you find the cause and understand your tense relationship with your loved one.

1. He learned this model of relationships from his family. A boy raised in a home where there is no mutual understanding, and his father is always rude to his mother, will most likely transfer this experience to his own family. Even on a subconscious level, he does not even imagine that a completely different environment could reign in the house.
2. Jealousy and complexes. Men with low self-esteem can assert themselves through psychological violence. According to psychologists, by morally suppressing a woman, he becomes better in his own mind. Such men can also speak harshly to other people. The situation worsens several times if the wife is successful at work. It is precisely in order to suppress her self-esteem, comparing her with his own, that the sadist uses all sorts of insults.
3. Problems that do not concern women. Why does my husband constantly insult me? A man who is trying with all his might not to blame his problems on the people around him may, as a result, unconsciously throw out his negativity on his other half. This can also happen because the spouse initially assumes that instead of supporting him, his wife will condemn him.
4. Lack of warm feelings. Psychological violence from a man can be explained very simply: he has fallen out of love. The reasons for this may be very different, but in the end it all comes down to one thing: for him, life with an unloved woman turns into a real hell. It would seem that there is only one way out of this situation: just sit down and talk with your wife, directly telling her about your feelings. But some men are simply not capable of such an act.
5. Constant comparison. Psychological sadism is often found in families where the spouse is a “mama’s boy” who is constantly looking for why his mother is better than his wife. An equally common option is the appearance of a woman on the side, as well as the presence of an ex-wife. In this case, the husband offends his wife because he believes that she does not meet his ideal. The psychologist’s main advice in this case is not to take the words you hear personally, because this is only his subjective assessment.
6. Presence of provocations. Yes, dear women, you too are not always angels. Maybe instead of spending time with your husband, you spend too much time chatting with your friends or watching melodramas. Or you have headaches too often. In addition, an attack of aggression may be caused by your negative comments about his relatives, clothes or work. Men with minimal communication skills often throw out everything that is boiling up in the form of screams and insults. So analyze your own behavior.

Is it possible to recognize an abuser before a close relationship?

Even professional psychologists find it difficult to do this at first glance, but there are still “beacons”. A minute ago the person was joking, but now he has fallen into depression and irritation? Sudden mood swings are one of the main criteria. After just a week of dating, you were invited to get married and demanded to introduce you to friends and relatives? Be careful. Do they ask to show you an apartment via Skype or Zoom when they go on business trips, joking that such a beauty could have a crowd of admirers hiding under her bed? Run. Are they forbidden to see friends, wear cleavage or wear makeup? Same advice. Many people hide behind concern. “These people are a bad influence on our relationship. This makeup ages you. I’m just really afraid of losing you.” This is not passion, this is pathology.

Building a dialogue

How to talk to your husband about relationships? To do this, just ask a few simple questions.

1. About children. Ask if he understands that in the future your child may transfer his behavior pattern to himself. Does he want his son to insult and offend his wife in the same way or does his daughter suffer all kinds of humiliation as an adult. Does he understand that his children, most likely, not only fear him, but also hate him. Does he know that if a husband insults his wife in front of the child, then he is in a state of constant stress.
2. About your relationship. Talk to him about what exactly needs to be done to return the former peace and love to the family. Ask if he gets satisfaction from this life and his actions. Is he flawless enough to demand the same from you? And in the end, does he love you?
3. About him. Find out why your husband chose this method of self-affirmation. Will he be able to change with your support and help? Can someone around him help him?

Through this dialogue, you can try to reach your spouse and force him to reconsider your relationship. During the conversation, you must remain calm and confident.

Why does domestic violence occur?

Domestic violence, expressed in one form or another, is not uncommon in many countries, but, unfortunately, only in our country women are still not protected at the legislative level and prefer to endure when their husband beats them.

A husband who beats his wife lives not only in Russia

According to statistics, almost 70% of women in Russia have experienced beatings from their husbands. Even if it happened only once and in a mild form, it happened.

Here are some more terrifying facts from the past year:

• 40% of all serious crimes happen in families, most of them are committed by men against women;
• every fourth family knows first-hand what domestic violence is;
• over 1,000 murders occurred in families over the past year, of which over 700 murders were committed by women defending themselves from beatings of their husbands.

Husbands beat their wives in different countries, not just in Russia, but our state is one of the few where women are not protected at the legislative level from domestic violence, because the corresponding bill, despite the demands of public figures and lengthy discussions, has not yet been put to vote.

Physical violence, in which a husband beats his wife, seems to be condemned by society, but the main object of condemnation remains the woman who “provokes scandals in the family”, “washes dirty linen in public”, “is not wise enough to avoid beatings”, “ doesn’t want to endure like others,” etc.

The UN Convention on the Inadmissibility of Violence against Women is in force in Russia, but it is only conditionally valid.

It is believed that the police and other government agencies do not have the right to interfere in the personal lives of Russian citizens until the law is broken, that is, if a husband lightly beats his wife or humiliates her morally, then there is no reason for intervention.

You need to wait until serious beatings are inflicted or a murder is committed.

All over the world, husbands who beat their wives are punished based on two approaches:

1. Restorative, the main goal of which is reconciliation in the family in various ways: working with psychologists, comradely courts, rehabilitation of the victim, etc.
2. Punitive, in which a husband who regularly beats his wife receives a well-deserved punishment, including imprisonment.

In Russia, both methods do not fully work.

Psychological portrait of a husband who beats his wife

Psychologists and psychiatrists have long studied domestic sadists who beat their wives.

Research has made it possible to create a full-fledged portrait of a domestic rapist, who can be recognized even at the dating stage, without bringing the matter to marriage.

A husband who beats his wife (is already doing this or will do similar things in the future) loves:

• manipulate;
• humiliate those who are physically weaker;
• topics related to weapons, violence, cruelty (you should take a closer look at his hobbies, find out about his favorite films and books);
• control everything and everyone;
• resolve conflicts (even if they started with representatives of the same sex) with the help of fists;
• drink (and after drinking, he becomes a completely different person: dangerous and aggressive);

How to get your husband to stop drinking

• lie (potential rapists lie not in order to gain benefit, but then in order to harm another person).

If you observe a manifestation of cruelty in your partner, even if it is not yet manifested towards you, but is directed at other people, you are dealing with a person who beats women.

Psychologists have divided male domestic despots into two categories:

1. Pitbulls.

   This type of domestic abuser beats his wife due to a high level of personal aggression. He doesn't need a serious reason to hit - just a minor quarrel and misunderstanding.

   If the wife does not do anything, then soon light pushes and slaps will develop into severe beatings, and the “pit bull” will become dependent on violence and will no longer be able to cope without it in a relationship.

2. Cobras.

   Most “cobras” are husbands with mental disorders who do not need any reason at all to show aggression. They beat their wives because they like to do it, attacking unexpectedly.

“Cobras” are more dangerous than “pit bulls” because they beat and humiliate the victim with greater sophistication, and they do it for no apparent reason (they don’t wait for a quarrel or conflict to hit).

In addition, the behavior of “cobras” is practically impossible to correct. All a battered wife can do is leave forever.

Why can't you respond to rudeness?

Such a person’s external boundaries are somewhat broken, that is, inside himself he is a small, well-mannered, good person - an obedient child, but on the outside he constantly encounters some adults for him who constantly scold him. If such a person were able to respond to rudeness with rudeness, he would do it.

Those who give up at this moment give in to rudeness. Perhaps this human property was laid down in the family, when the child at home was asked by his relatives the question: “Who are you anyway? When you grow up, you will talk like an adult. Now be quiet and listen to what I say.”

NUMBERS

87,000 were murdered worldwide . This is slightly less than the population of Chukotka and the Nenets Autonomous Okrug. Or like the number of inhabitants of an entire state in the Caribbean - Antigua and Barbuda.

58% of them died at the hands of partners or family members.

In 70% of cases violence is repeated if it has already happened once.

In France, during the month of quarantine the number of attacks on women within the family increased by 32% ; in Britain, , calls from victims of violence began to by 65% ; in Cyprus, by 30% .

According to the UN.

How to hold your spouse accountable

You should stop insults from your spouse for the following reasons:

• Firstly, over time, aggression may intensify, insults may turn into assault or beatings. This may lead in the future to a retaliatory outburst of violence on the part of the second spouse and result in injury or even death of one of them.
• Secondly, the atmosphere of violence in the family negatively affects the psyche and behavior of children. They can become withdrawn and fearful, or, conversely, aggressive and uncontrollable.
• Thirdly, regular insults and bullying spoil the relationship between spouses and can lead to divorce.

There are several options for holding your spouse accountable, it all depends on the current situation:

1. Administrative liability for insult is provided for in Art. 5.61 Code of Administrative Offences. The punishment for such an offense will be a fine of 1,000 to 3,000 rubles. To bring the offender to justice, you should file a complaint with the prosecutor's office. In accordance with the application, the prosecutor issues an order to initiate a case, which he transfers to the magistrate's court.
2. A statement of claim to the court for compensation for moral damages for insults. You can specify any amount of the penalty at your discretion; the final amount will be determined by the judge depending on the degree of moral damage caused.
3. Contact the local inspector. In this situation, there is no point in writing a statement to the police, since insults are not a criminal offense. It is better to ask the local police officer to hold an explanatory conversation with the aggressor or threaten to prosecute him, for example, for hooliganism.

To consider a case in court, it is necessary to prepare convincing evidence of the abusive behavior of the spouse. It can be:

• testimony from friends and relatives;
• video recording on a phone camera;
• printing of SMS messages or online correspondence;
• recording verbal abuse on a voice recorder.

If your spouse has insulted you by posting defamatory information on social networks, you should take a screenshot of the page on which the insults were published. To record the date and time of publication, you need to invite witnesses or a lawyer, draw up an inspection report and attach it to the case file. In this case, it will be possible to qualify the information as a public insult, the fine for such an offense will be from 3,000 to 5,000 rubles.

If the insults led to a deterioration in health, for example, a hypertensive crisis or a heart attack, an extract from the medical history can be presented as evidence. If bruises or abrasions appear as a result of an insult, they must be recorded in a medical institution, then the actions of the aggressor can be classified as hooliganism, for which criminal punishment is provided.

Insults in the family must be fought before they become systematic, and it is better to prevent them. To save the family, you can try to persuade the aggressor to visit a family psychologist to correct his behavior, or ask one of the relatives to influence the rude person. It is worth bringing the offender to administrative or criminal liability only when other methods no longer work and the marriage is on the verge of collapse.