How to overcome self-doubt. 13 powerful ways
Our doubts are our traitors.
They make us lose what we could possibly win if we weren't afraid to try. William Shakespeare
Self-doubt can be an alarming and persuasive voice that holds you back. And it keeps you from taking advantage of your opportunities. She makes our life difficult.
Of course, sometimes this can be helpful, as it helps you see your current limitations in perspective or simply recognize a half-bad idea. But mostly, it keeps you in life.
So how can you work around it, how can you overcome those times of self-doubt to move forward again?
In this article, I'll look at 13 tips and habits that helped me reduce this destructive inner voice.
Say stop
First, when your inner doubts surface, act quickly. Don't let them get out of control or grow from a whisper to a stream of discouraging suggestions. Instead, talk to the doubtful part of yourself.
Mentally say or shout something like: No, no, no, we will not go down this road again.
By doing this, you can break the thought pattern and stop that inner self-doubter from taking over.
Signs
Sometimes insecure people hide their feelings behind a mask that does not correspond to their vulnerable soul. An aggressive state often indicates a belief in one’s inability to influence the situation and indicates an existing inferiority complex and internal helplessness. They cannot find adequate ways to defend their interests, so they choose the tactics of running away or attacking.
An indecisive person does not want to attract the attention of others to his own person. He prefers to live inconspicuously, as if aloof from society
Outdoor activities are replaced by reading books and watching various TV shows. An insecure personality reduces communication to a minimum and rarely makes new friends, since it is difficult for him to get to know someone and build friendly relationships.
Such individuals are afraid of any changes in life, as they fear that their life situation may worsen. Insecure people are embarrassed to loudly ask others about something or ask them for help. They agree to any relationship with the opposite sex, even if they don’t like the partner at all. We are ready to receive the lowest salary, just not to cross the internal barrier by asking management for an increase. The cost of their services is always noticeably underestimated.
The manifestation of numerous fears leads to their development into phobias. People who are not confident in their own abilities are characterized by the following symptoms: fear, anxiety, depression, indecisiveness, shyness, timidity, helplessness, powerlessness, despondency, frustration, irritation, nervousness, loss of strength, depression, communication problems, reluctance to be the center of attention , dissatisfaction with oneself, rejection of one’s appearance, a dull or anxious look.
In speech
Most often, insecure people are boring and uninteresting interlocutors because they are afraid to say an extra word, make a mistake, or accidentally offend their opponent. Incoherent, inexpressive speech arises from the inability to cope with one’s own excitement:
- the voice may sound very quiet;
- the subject seems to apologize to everyone;
- sometimes stuttering occurs;
- For some, a defensive reaction is triggered - in this case, the notorious individual begins to chat a lot, gossip, and use obscene language.
In behavior
Most indecisive individuals have a desire to underestimate their own merits. Others, on the contrary, begin to behave arrogantly. In this way they strive to overcome their inferiority complex. Attempts to assert themselves at the expense of others are their defensive reaction.
In gestures
An insecure personality is often indicated by stiff movements, slightly drooping shoulders, stooping or hunching. From the outside it may seem that a person is carrying a heavy load. A timid gait, a timid look, periodic rubbing of various parts of the body immediately betray an indecisive personality. Sometimes the subject begins to fuss for no reason, shift from foot to foot, and make sudden and rapid movements. He can finger something in his hands and tap his fingers.
Look into the past and immerse yourself in memories
Be honest with yourself and ask yourself:
How many times when I doubted myself or was afraid that something would happen, that negative thing came to reality after I was still acting? The answer for me—and probably for you too—is not very common.
Self-doubts are most often just monsters in your head that your mind can use to hold you back from making changes and keep you in your comfort zone .
If you look back and see how well things have gone many times despite these self-doubts, then it will become easier to let go or ignore them and focus on the more likely positive outcome and take action.
What does indecisiveness protect you from?
Indecisiveness and uncertainty are defense mechanisms of our subconscious. They protect us from unnecessary stress that we may experience.
If a person gives a presentation to a large audience, he becomes nervous and stressed. Suddenly he forgets something, suddenly he makes a mistake in something, suddenly he performs poorly. If a person takes responsibility for a large project, he also worries. Perhaps he won’t cope, won’t meet the deadline, messes up and lets people down.
All this is a high level of stress. Why does the body need to experience it again? Why subject yourself to such torture? Why go out in front of hundreds of people, get nervous and read this stupid report? What's the point of taking on such a large project and then walking around worrying all day long? It’s better to sit on your butt exactly in your shell and not test your body’s strength.
This is what our brain thinks. He chooses the place where he feels comfortable. Where there is no fear. Where everything is calm and smooth. He does not think about the opportunities that leaving his comfort zone will bring.
Talk to someone about it
When you keep your thoughts inside, they can become distorted, exaggerated, and not very consistent with reality or reasonable expectations. This is true when it comes to questionable thoughts. So release them into the light. Talk to someone close to you about your self-doubts.
By simply letting them out and saying them out loud, you can often hear how exaggerated the thoughts have become. And talking about these doubts with someone who supports you can give you a change in perspective.
4.You are definitely capable of more
Maria's parents always had pessimistic views on life. They never allowed their daughter to even dream of a prosperous and successful life. On the contrary, they instilled in her that “every cricket should know its nest,” “one should enjoy little things and not demand more from life.” As an adult, Maria never dared to go to college or quit her unfulfilling job.
Our internal ideas force us to change, grow and look for ways to develop. But to build these ideas, we need parents who will encourage us to listen to our desires.
Parents have their own path in life. Perhaps when they were young, changing jobs really was too much of a shock. But you don't have to inherit their fears and insecurities. You have your own life, in which there are many opportunities to become happier.
Don't fall into the comparison trap
If you compare yourself too often to other people, to their successes and especially to the highlight videos/photos they share on social media, then self-doubt can quickly creep in.
The best way to act is to compare yourself to yourself. To see how far you've come. To see what you've overcome. And watch you continue to live, succeed and grow as a person.
How to help yourself if you encounter such a problem?
The first and most important rule: stop comparing yourself to anyone. Remember that there are more than 7.7 billion people in the world, and each person is unique in their own way. You should not compare yourself with those who, in your opinion, look more beautiful or are more successful at work. Such comparisons will only lead to envy and further development of complexes. Of course, you can strive to become successful in some area like someone else. But should he imitate or copy his style?
The best strategy for dealing with self-doubt is to compare your present self with your past self. This analysis will help you see your personal growth and progress in the area you have been working on.
Don't be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and always look for new opportunities. The comfort zone is a path to degradation, and a successful person needs constant growth. If you have a desire to become more confident in yourself, then it’s time to start fighting your fears. This doesn't mean you should immediately jump with a parachute if you are afraid of heights. You can start by walking through high-rise buildings, gradually rising higher. Also, you don’t have to rush to sign up for pick-up artist courses: you should start carefully getting acquainted with people of the opposite sex. For example, online dating will help if you are overcome by embarrassment.
Leaving your comfort zone does not mean taking extreme measures spontaneously and thoughtlessly. Such a step can only provoke additional stress, and this will definitely not be good for you. Start changing with small actions that are atypical for you. For example, walk instead of taking the bus, or plan out all your activities for the day if you haven't kept a diary before.
Also take up sports or dancing. Typically, athletes and people who carefully monitor their physical fitness are more confident. When playing sports, endorphin is released - a hormone that lifts your mood (a fitness trainer talks about the most common mistakes in fitness after 30 years here). A person becomes dependent on this hormone, wants to receive more of it, and physical activity easily becomes a habit. And as soon as a person sees the first results and changes in his body for the better, he always feels more confident. It is very important to recognize yourself, so even training at home will be important. In addition, when playing sports, endurance develops, immunity increases, and it’s just fun - in a good mood, all problems are solved faster and easier.
Be sure to remember that only those who do nothing make no mistakes. There are no ideal and flawless people! There is even a Latin proverb about this: “Errare humanum est”, which translated means: “To err is human.” You need to learn to perceive your mistakes not as mistakes, but as invaluable experience. Even from the most unpleasant event you can learn a useful lesson. It is important to learn to analyze your actions in order to know how to act next time. Read the biographies of successful and famous people - even they made mistakes on the way to their goals.
Love yourself! No advice will work until you love yourself. And the first step on this path is accepting yourself. You need to accept both your strengths and your shortcomings. Make a list of your positive sides and negative points and every morning or before going to bed, re-read the list of advantages to yourself, and during the day, consider one disadvantage and think about how you can correct it. Any disadvantage can be turned into an advantage if you carefully work on it. Self-love is also taking care of your physical and psychological well-being. Proper nutrition, regular physical activity, skin care - all these are the first and important steps towards self-acceptance. Sometimes it can be extremely difficult to believe in yourself and your strengths, but as soon as a person begins to try to change, he becomes more confident in himself. Such a person can move mountains on the way to his goal.
Start keeping a diary
Journaling can be a beneficial habit for many reasons. When it comes to self-doubt, this may help you:
- Keep a realistic account of your life. And help you remember positive things, successes you've had and how you overcame obstacles if you tend to remember things with a negative slant.
- Getting clarity is easier. It is often easier to let go of fears and doubts and gain clarity if you have a problem laid out on paper or in a computer document rather than if you try to work through it all in your mind. By making pros and cons lists, analyzing your thoughts, emotions and similar events from the past, and writing down different perspectives on a problem, it becomes easier to find solutions and see your problem in a clearer and more balanced way.
How to overcome self-doubt through self-development?
Are there effective ways to overcome self-doubt? Or is everything that developed in childhood impossible to correct? There is a way out, and provided that a person is ready to work on himself, results can be achieved after some time.
Knowing yourself helps a lot to help you cope with the complex.
People have been engaged in self-knowledge for many years, and sometimes all their lives, then how can they get rid of uncertainty?
First, in a calm environment, you should think about yourself not from a critical side , but from a real one. Take a blank sheet of paper and honestly write down your own positive and negative qualities. Then analyze what was written and cross out those that are far-fetched or far-fetched.
You are allowed to write down external data (I have beautiful and expressive eyes, a charming smile, a funny and funny nose), as well as skills (I know how to set goals and achieve them, I know three foreign languages). It is also recommended to focus on internal, spiritual qualities (I know how to listen to others and do not give advice until they ask me, I happily help people).
You are not allowed to write about yourself in a mocking, critical or negative manner. Leave a space after each line in the negative column. Once the list of negative qualities is ready, under each item write what to do to make the quality positive. For example, under the phrase “I am overweight” write (I am able to adjust my diet and increase physical activity in order to have a beautiful figure. Over time, work through some points from the negative column and rewrite them into a positive one. Self-esteem will increase, and with it the uncertainty will pass.
Remember: People don't really care what you do or say.
When you worry about what others might think or say if you do something, self-doubt can quickly become stronger and you become stuck in inaction and fear.
When this happens, remind yourself that the truth is that people don't really care much about what you do or don't do.
They are preoccupied with thoughts about themselves, their children and pets, work and upcoming sports matches, and worrying about what people might think about them.
Where does uncertainty come from?
Why might a person be unsure of himself? What are the reasons for this?
Self-doubt is not an innate feeling. It is acquired over the years and depends on many factors:
- education;
- childhood;
- environment;
- appearance;
- failures.
Or a person may simply lose confidence due to some incident in life. Let's take a closer look at all these reasons.
Parenting
Parents are the first people a child meets when he is born. It is they who, from birth, lay down the qualities that will help or hinder the baby on the path of life. Parents shape his personality. It depends on them what kind of person he grows up to be.
Therefore, it is important to raise children correctly so that they become happy, cheerful, self-confident members of society.
Confidence or uncertainty most often appears in childhood, when the child’s self-perception system is formed. It is based on the reactions of others:
- parents;
- grandparents;
- aunt, uncle;
- brothers, sisters.
If the environment constantly scolds the child and expresses dissatisfaction with his actions, then this has a bad effect on the development of his personality and self-confidence.
If you constantly criticize a child for his endeavors, the desire to try something new, he will lose the desire to study the unknown and achieve his goals. If you often scold your child as a child, as an adult he will be afraid to make mistakes. We need to explain to children that it is okay to make mistakes. We all go through different stages of ups and downs.
Mistakes are an integral part of our journey. Without them it would have been impossible to achieve results. But when a person is not confident in himself, for him to make a mistake is like the end of the world.
Every baby needs warm words, approval from parents, and praise. This gives him confidence in himself and his abilities. Inspires new achievements and forms adequate self-esteem. Tell your child that he draws trees, houses and mountains very beautifully. Or he manages to run as fast as Lightning McQueen from the cartoon Cars. Praise your children often to build their self-confidence.
Failures from childhood
Everyone has failures. And we don’t always endure them steadfastly. And what can we say about the child’s psyche? Childhood failures create self-doubt and low self-esteem. They can be painful and traumatic:
- fell off the stage in front of the whole class, the guys laughed;
- forgot the words to a song at a performance;
- lost in a running competition;
- got the first two.
In the future, such children are even more afraid of slipping up and making at least some decision. They constantly doubt themselves. This affects the child’s fragile self-esteem, so he grows up insecure.
Sometimes a child perceives even small troubles as a tragedy on a global scale. Especially when parents do not take into account the child’s experiences and do not think that it is important. They don't pay enough attention. After all, for them this is nonsense.
You need to understand that the psyche of children is more fragile and does not resemble an adult. It is more difficult for them to experience failures and stressful situations. And this affects the development of their personality and is reflected in their entire future life.
Environment
Our environment also influences our personality. If friends, relatives or colleagues are constantly whining and negative, seeing life only in bad colors, you become infected with it. Bad thoughts appear in your head, which shape the reality around you and influence your actions.
If you are surrounded only by insecure people who constantly doubt themselves, chances are you are the same.
If the majority of people around are successful individuals with adequate self-esteem, a person begins to reach out for them. He has a desire to grow, develop, improve. He reads more, attends various trainings and seminars, studies, develops old skills or acquires new ones.
We are the arithmetic mean of our surroundings.
If you want to be satisfied with your life, it is important to surround yourself with supportive and cheerful people. Don't waste your energy and strength on manipulators and whiners. They're not worth it. Your friends shouldn't squeeze all the juice out of you. On the contrary, it is important that they inspire, increase the level of internal energy and self-confidence.
Appearance
You are greeted by your clothes, but seen off by your mind.
In our world, appearance plays an important role. Especially for women. They are under the greatest pressure by modern beauty standards.
The ideal girl should have a neat, chiseled nose, plump lips, thick eyebrows and clearly defined cheekbones. She looks exactly like Angelina Jolie.
In pursuit of such standards, the weaker sex goes under the knife and gets their nose fixed. It pricks the lips to make them fuller. Permanent eyebrow makeup to make them thicker. Colitis hyaluronic acid to outline the cheekbones and correct the oval of the face. And all the girls become similar to each other. Natural beauty and individuality are lost.
And such frameworks drive depression. Since you are not Angelina, either live with low self-esteem or reinvent yourself. But there is a third way. Love yourself. Just the way you are. With your nose. With your lips. With your eyebrows. With your body.
Each person is individual and beautiful in their own way. Beauty standards are constantly changing. And all people have different tastes. The main thing is to like yourself. Then the feeling of confidence will also increase.
Past success
Oddly enough, success in the past can either boost self-confidence or undermine it.
Success usually motivates us to take further action. We feel on top of the world, our self-esteem skyrockets. It seems to us that the sea is knee-deep.
But after a while, questions arise in my head: “Can I repeat such success? What if I never do anything better? This fear undermines our confidence.
But you don’t need to repeat your own success. Just strive to improve and surpass yourself. Even if you already know how to do something well, there is always room for improvement. Develop and never stop there.
What someone said or did may not be about you (or what you think)
When someone criticizes you, then it's easy to start doubting yourself.
When someone rejects you and you don't get a second date after the first one, which you thought went pretty well, then it's not a reason to doubt yourself. But what if what he or she said or did actually has nothing to do with you?
Perhaps your coworker who verbally lashed out at you may be having a bad day, month, or marriage.
And you may not have gotten that second date because the other person's mom got sick and he had to focus on that, or because he got back together with his ex-girlfriend and wanted to give their relationship another chance.
You don't know everything that's going on in another person's life. And the world doesn't revolve around you. Therefore, be careful not to make a mistake and build guilt and doubt within without any reason.
What are the external signs of self-doubt?
A person's behavior reveals an insecure person. Please note that it varies. For example, in the first case, a person is afraid to say a word or take an action, speaks with downcast eyes, in a barely audible voice.
In the second case, the person speaks quickly and loudly, trying to attract attention and make a good impression in order to mask low self-esteem.
Outwardly, a person who is insecure looks like he prefers to remain invisible to everyone. He slouches, hides his eyes, walks along the edge or along the wall, lowers his head. The whole appearance shows a desire not to be discovered.
View failure as temporary
When you have a setback, that's when you may start to see things through a negative and dark lens. You may see this current setback as something that will simply be your new normal.
This way of looking at things may lead you to believe that there is no point in continuing to act.
So instead:
- Remember: you are not a failure just because you failed. Failure happens to everyone who takes risks. It's just part of living a full life. Sometimes things go well and sometimes they don't, so don't make failure a big deal.
- Ask yourself: What can I learn from this failure? Use a mistake or failure to your advantage and move forward once again in a smart way.
How to regain your confidence in three weeks
- First week . Every day, write down three things you are grateful for. Gradually you will notice that you have many reasons to be happy in your life. At the end of the week, review the entire list again.
- Second week . Write down situations in which you doubt yourself and possible reasons for the uncertainty. By the end of the week, you will have identified your core fears. Think about how to deal with them, what to change.
- Third week . Write down what you did to overcome your insecurities and how you feel. No matter how small your steps are, it is still a victory. You are already a little closer to your goal.
Don't beat yourself up over it
A common way to deal with self-doubt is to get angry at yourself and your lack of movement. To try to beat yourself as a way to force yourself to move forward. In my experience, this doesn't help much.
I have found that being kind and constructive when you feel unsure of yourself is the best choice. So I use kind and understanding words towards myself, but I also ask myself:
What is one very small step that I can take to move forward in this situation?
Then I take that very small step and start moving step by step to where I want to go.
What is the cause of uncertainty?
Psychologists identify certain reasons for the development of self-doubt. And one of the main ones is copying such behavior , which develops in childhood. It is known that basic skills and behavior patterns are established at an early age under the influence of the immediate environment.
Some of the parents or other family members were timid and shy. The child began to imitate and developed a similar pattern of behavior, becoming insecure and shy.
The creator of the “ learned helplessness ,” Martin Seligman, argued that a child’s type of character and behavior is formed under the influence of adults’ reactions to his actions. For example, parents either do not react to the baby in any way and ignore his achievements, or they react equally negatively or positively.
an inferiority complex as one of the main reasons for the development of self-doubt . The individual is sure that he is not capable of anything and is nothing of himself. How can you be confident with such an attitude towards yourself? Most people have an inferiority complex that grows from childhood. It has been proven that it is directly related to uncertainty, and at any time one can contribute to the development of the other.
Remember: You can course-correct along the way.
Trying to plan every step you take towards a goal or dream can become draining and lead to quite a bit of self-doubt.
And it usually doesn't work out that well anyway, since the best laid plans often start to fall apart a little or need some changes when they hit reality.
So do a little rough planning and then start your journey.
And remember that you can always course-correct along the way to what you want. Inspired by the new knowledge, experiences and feedback you will receive as you continue down this path.
What is self-doubt?
What is self-doubt and how does it manifest itself? Lack of self-confidence – underestimation of one’s own importance and abilities. Similar concepts are considered low self-esteem and inferiority complex.
Uncertainty manifests itself in everything a person does. Quiet voice, timid gait, withdrawal from communication, fear of relationships, agreement with the opinions of others. An insecure person is afraid of everything, and even if the opportunity is given to prove himself and get out of the vicious circle, the person does not use it. He's afraid it won't work out, and he's not sure it's worth it.
Positive Traits of Insecurity
But psychologists say that being timid is not such a bad thing. There is also a positive side to this trait, because it is what protects a person from unpleasant collisions with the environment.
A little later, timidity can turn into a high level of anxiety, and will build an excellent barrier where the individual will feel protected.
Bottom line
Shyness can be overcome - add some effort to your desire and soon you will see a positive result!
Be active, decisive and open to people. You can overcome shyness, self-consciousness, and lack of self-confidence only through painstaking work on yourself, positive thinking, and getting rid of fears or complexes. Fight your weaknesses, prejudices, negativity - and you will definitely become a successful, attractive person!
Elizarova Lilia · May 21, 2021
Several important nuances of achieving success
Psychologists highlight several key aspects of how to stop being shy in company and at the same time win the favor of strangers.
The list of such conditions invariably includes:
- acceptance of constraint (excitement, isolation) as a given fact;
- positive thinking, smile, neat appearance;
- lack of comparison of oneself with other people;
- training in slow, intelligible speech.
It is necessary to clearly understand that it is quite normal to feel shy, nervous or withdrawn in certain situations. Don't try to hide your emotions, because it always looks unnatural and repulsive. At the same time, the initial impression of a person is influenced by his appearance, facial expression, and voice intonation, so try to always look brand new, exude positivity, and don’t forget to smile.
There is no need to constantly draw parallels with more successful people in the company, otherwise this can lead to negativity, detachment, and the desire to quickly go to a quiet, secluded place. A huge problem for many people is slurred, rapid speech, which not all participants in the conversation can understand. Learn to express your own thoughts clearly, clearly, slowly, which will allow you to attract the attention of others, avoiding caustic ridicule.
Trying to be the center of attention
Oddly enough, yes - there is such an extreme. Perhaps you also know these people - they are literally radio people, they almost never stop talking! Being in silence or switching attention to another object is mortal torture for them, because it seems that as long as they are broadcasting and people are looking at them, the situation is under control. As soon as another object of interest appears in the company, such people, as a rule, begin to experience terrible discomfort.
Photo: American crime story
Introduction
The phrase “modesty is decorative” has long been set on edge.
Yes, in some situations modesty is needed, because excessive boasting or obvious narcissism does not suit a worthy person. But shyness is something else. This quality interferes with the life of both the humble guy himself and confuses those around him - they try to help him, understand him, open him up, but this does not always work out. As a result, a shy person drops out of social life, since he is boring and has nothing to talk about. And this gives rise to new complexes and negative emotions in a closed person. And something needs to be done about this.
If you take some action, put in your efforts and back it up with a great desire, then everything will definitely work out!
