My husband is having a midlife crisis. How to act and what NOT to do under any circumstances | Psychology of life

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Your husband suddenly started going to work wearing a parrot tie, signed up for a fitness center, changed his hairstyle, and yesterday you found him stuck to the glass of a car dealership selling Ferraris. But, what’s worse, he began to look at you with nothing other than contempt, and a bunch of strange numbers appeared in his address book. Congratulations, most likely, the notorious demon, which comes to every fourth man along with the first gray hair, has reached the ribs of your beloved...

Only lazy people haven’t written a book or made a movie about a midlife crisis. And most importantly, the authors of these bestsellers are mostly men, so all the information is presented with such subtle humor, self-irony and, of course, makes all the macho men who recognize themselves in the main character smile. But for some reason not a single work tells us what we, women, should do in this situation, and where did this notorious midlife crisis come from? It's actually simple. In the life of every man there is a very carefree period when he “throws stones,” and a more serious one, which usually comes closer to forty years, is the time to collect cobblestones: to take stock, reap the fruits of previous activities, evaluate the results. So, a midlife crisis occurs if, after five years of tinkering with the “stones,” a man suddenly discovers that he has a bad job, his wife is a vixen, his children are idiots, he is bald, and there is not a single dream that has come true.

What's next?

Most often, a crisis occurs among men who are not doing what they want, or among those who have not achieved what they planned. Although it happens that a completely successful representative of the stronger sex becomes a victim of a psychological problem: wealthy, attractive, with a luxurious wife, smart children and an expensive car. One fine day the thought comes to his mind: “What next? Well, if I have more money, I’ll buy another house by the sea... And is this really all that lies ahead for me in the future?!” At this moment, it seems to the man that there is no better way out of the current situation than to fill his life with something new, bright, and sometimes even extreme.

Secretary as a symptom

If you suspect that a midlife crisis has seeped into your family, take a closer look at your spouse - the symptoms of the problem are painfully obvious. The first and main sign is that the man has changed! And not only you see this, but also his friends, colleagues and even your children. However, the metamorphoses that have occurred with your beloved are so vivid and impressive that it is difficult not to notice them. One day you are surprised to discover that your spouse has bought a gym membership (even though he always despised jocks), a player and a ticket to a concert of a fashionable alternative band. At the fitness center, he made interesting acquaintances, which brought with them new hobbies, and very youthful ones: for example, the faithful began snowboarding or driving around the city in a car at night. The vehicle, if opportunities permit, also changes: the place of a still quite good foreign car is taken by some, perhaps not at all fresh, but red or yellow, sports car. On top of that, your husband, who for the last 15 years wore only a gray suit to work, suddenly changed it to a canary one, and combined with an alien tie and sneakers. And, of course, he has a new secretary! Olga Sergeevna, who served him faithfully, left, unable to withstand the competition with the busty blonde Alena, who despises skirts longer than her knees. But the worst thing is that my dear has become completely unbearable. Even in those rare hours when he appears at home, your spouse is irritated and unfriendly with you (your cooking tastes bad, your clothes are terrible), and he behaves with his own children as if he were strangers.

You were born in 1984 or 1985

1984 — American surgeon W. G. Clewall from the University of Colorado performed a surgical operation on a child in the womb.

1985 - 16th of May. The beginning of the anti-alcohol campaign in the USSR by decree of the Prisidium of the Supreme Council “on strengthening the fight against drunkenness.” November 19. The meeting between Gorbachev and Reagan took place for the first time in Geneva. After this (two years later), “perestroika” began in the USSR - a set of reforms in the social and economic sphere.

1986 - February 20th. The first manned research orbital station, Mir-1, launched by the USSR, began operating. She operated until March 23, 2001, when she was disabled and sunk in the Pacific Ocean. 26 April. At the Chernobyl nuclear power plant, located near Kyiv, a power unit exploded. The Soviet authorities released a message about this only after Finland, Denmark and Sweden reported an increased background of radiation in their territories. About 600,000 people were involved in eliminating the consequences of the accident, many of whom died from radiation sickness and other diseases associated with the results of radiation.

1987 - May 29. A small plane piloted by Matthias Rust, a 19-year-old West German citizen, landed on Red Square in Moscow. The first experimental laser vision correction operation was performed. It was performed by Columbia University doctor Steven Trockel, who, in collaboration with other scientists, published several papers describing the benefits of an experimental laser for corneal tissue in surgery to correct myopia, hyperopia and astigmatism.

1988 - 8 August. A truce has been concluded between Iran and Iraq. Yasser Arafat, leader of the PLO, recognized the existence of the State of Israel.

1989 - January 11. The Declaration prohibiting the use of poisonous gases, chemical and bacteriological weapons was signed by representatives of 149 countries. March 27. A state of emergency has been declared in the United States after the Exxon Valdez tanker was damaged in Prince William Sound. As a result of this damage, approximately 64 million liters of oil leaked into the sea on March 24. November 9. The East German government announced the opening of the border with West Germany. On November 10, East Germany began demolishing the Berlin Wall.

1990 — August 6. The UN Security Council approved a resolution imposing a military and trade embargo against Iraq. A protracted oil and military conflict with Iraq began. November 22. The “Iron Lady” of world politics, Margaret Thatcher, Prime Minister of Great Britain, publicly announced her resignation. December. A referendum was held in Croatia regarding secession from Yugoslavia. The overwhelming majority of citizens voted to leave. The formal disintegration of Yugoslavia began.

1991 - The 25th of January. Iraq is dumping oil reserves into the Persian Gulf. This threatens an environmental disaster. October 1st. Leningrad was renamed and its historical name was returned - St. Petersburg. December 8th. Representatives of Russia, Belarus and Ukraine sign an agreement on the Creation of a Commonwealth of Independent States, to which 5 more countries of the former Soviet Union join on December 21. December 25th. USSR President Mikhail Gorbachev resigns. The USSR officially ceases to exist.

1992 - February 2. In many CIS countries, economic reform began, which consisted of price liberalization - the abolition of centralized price controls. January 12. Russia and Ukraine signed an agreement on the division of the Black Sea Fleet in Crimea. The beginning of the era of GSM communications. This year, Germany launched a GSM communication system, which was subsequently used as a prototype for many operators around the world.

1993 - 1st of January. The final division of Czechoslovakia into two countries takes place. The 4th of October. Government tanks are shooting at the White House in Moscow. As a result of the incident, 150 people die. The system of power in Russia has changed dramatically. This marked the beginning of the creation of a presidential-parliamentary republic. 12 December. Referendum on the adoption of the Constitution of the Russian Federation. 58.4% of citizens were in favor of adoption.

1994 - January 31. The first images from the Hubble Space Telescope, which photographs galaxies at an early stage of their development, were demonstrated. the 6th of May. The Channel Tunnel, connecting England and France, was opened. The total length of the tunnel is 50 kilometers, 38 kilometers are laid under the sea itself. December 11th. Fighting began in the Chechen Republic. The troops of the Russian Federation begin fighting. The fighting did not stop until an agreement was signed to end the war in Khasavyurt (until 08/30/1996). The first book on CD appeared in the USA. By the end of the year, most encyclopedias had been created or translated into this format.

1995 - 20th of March. Nerve gas was used in the Tokyo subway in Japan, killing 5,000 people and killing 12. On May 16, Soko Asahara, the leader of the religious sect Aum Shinrikyo, was arrested. The first artificial liver was tested, performed by German surgeon Peter Neu Haus.

1996 - 4th of July. B.N. Yeltsin becomes President of the Russian Federation for the second time. This is the first time the same person has been re-elected to the post of President of Russia. A test began to be used to detect AIDS. Proteins produced by the virus were detected in the blood, which made it possible to diagnose the disease at an early stage.

1997 - February 22. Scottish scientists announced the birth of the only surviving embryo, a clone of an adult sheep. Dolly was born on July 5, 1996 without any abnormalities and lived until February 14, 2003 as an ordinary sheep. 4th of July. A rover designed to collect and analyze Martian soils has landed on the surface of Mars.

1998 — August 17. In Russia, the ruble depreciated, which led to an aggravation of the economic crisis. The country's government resigned. September 24. The first transplant of a limb from a deceased patient to a living one took place. A hand and forearm were transplanted in the city of Lyon, France. 12 December. The first organ transplant to a child was performed in the United States. A three-year-old Florida boy received a heart, lung and liver transplant at a Pennsylvania hospital.

1999 - 1st of January. Most countries of the European Union have switched to paying in the new European currency – the euro. March 24. The first NATO air raid was carried out on Yugoslavia. The US invaded a sovereign state that was not threatened by a third party.

2000 - 26 March. Election of V.V. Putin to the post of President of the Russian Federation. The official inauguration took place on May 7. A robotic developmental doll has been created in the USA. She knew how to talk, laugh, cry, blink, make grimaces. In the process of communicating with people, she increased her vocabulary and reached the development level of a two-year-old child. The first medicinal products were created in Novosibirsk, the prefix “Bifido” was added to the usual name. They contain a liquid concentrate of bifidobacteria, which have a positive effect on the intestinal microflora, prevent the development of pathogenic microbes and nourish the body with B vitamins and vitamin K. Such products quickly gained popularity among buyers.

2001 - January 15. The official launch of the English site Wikipedia took place - a resource that today has become an assistant in quickly obtaining encyclopedic data in all areas of life. 11 September. The largest terrorist attack in world history was committed in the United States. As a result, the Pentagon was damaged, the Trade Center was destroyed, and human losses amounted to about three thousand people.

2002 - 1st of January. The European Union introduced euro coins and banknotes, which became the single currency for most EU countries and played an important role in stabilizing the global European economy. October. After 50 years, the restoration of the railway between North and South Korea began. October 23. In Moscow, Russia, Chechen terrorists took hostages in a theater on Dubrovka. Three days later, on October 26, all the terrorists were killed during the assault by special forces. One of the hostages died from a bullet wound, the remaining 116 people died from exposure to the gas used during the assault.

2003 - 20th of March. Military operations began in Iraq. September 27. The automatic station “Smart-1” was launched to study the Moon.

2004 — Bloodless revolutions took place in Georgia, Ukraine, and Kyrgyzstan, as a result of which more democratic leaders came to power. 1st of May. The European Union has expanded its scope with the inclusion of ten new countries. June. The world's largest social network - Facebook - has been created.

2005 - 5 January. Eris, the largest of the dwarf planets in our solar system, has been discovered.

2006 - March 29. The first total eclipse of the sun in the 21st century could be observed in Russia. 24 August. Scientists have stripped Pluto of its planetary status. This decision was made at the congress of the International Astronomy Union in Prague, Czech Republic.

2007 — Genetics have discovered modifications in the human body that are responsible for the development of certain diseases. After DNA analysis, it became possible to identify a predisposition to certain diseases.

2008 - February 17. Kosovo declared independence from Serbia. 8 August. Military operations began in South Ossetia. November 4. Presidential elections took place in the United States. The first black president in the history of the state, Barack Obama, became the head of the state.

2009 — August 17. A disaster occurred at the Sayano-Shushenskaya hydroelectric power station. Hundreds of people became victims. The cause of the problems was a series of shortcomings and a failure in the redistribution of electricity in the power system.

2010 - 18th of March. Russian mathematician Grigory Perelman proved the Poincaré conjecture, which was considered one of the unsolvable Problems of the Millennium. For this, the Clay Mathematical Institute awarded him a prize of $1 million, which he refused. April 10th. A plane crash occurred over Smolensk, in which Lech Kaczynski, the President of Poland, his wife Maria Kaczynskaya, the high military command, Polish politicians, as well as religious and public figures (97 people in total) died. The first living cell was created in which its own DNA was replaced with DNA created artificially. Humanity has received new tools for developing technologies for artificially growing organs.

2011 - 11th of March. In Japan, off the northeastern coast, an earthquake occurred, the magnitude of which reached 8.9. As a result of the earthquake, a devastating tsunami arose, as a result of which over 15 thousand people died, several thousand are considered missing. May 2. Osama bin Laden, the “No. 1” terrorist in the world, the leader of Al-Qaeda, who, in particular, is considered responsible for the September 11 terrorist attack, was killed. September 7. An international charter flight crashed near Yaroslavl. On board the plane was the team of the Lokomotiv hockey club, which was flying to Minsk. 44 people died, one survived. October 31. The seven billionth inhabitant of the Earth was born in Kaliningrad.

2012 - February 21. In Moscow, in the Cathedral of Christ the Savior, a scandalous punk prayer service of the PussyRiot group took place, three members of which were detained by the police. December 1. Russia has led the G20 (G20), a forum of representatives of countries with the most developed economies: Australia, Japan, Argentina, South Africa, Brazil, South Korea, Great Britain, France, Germany, Turkey, India, USA, Indonesia, Saudi Arabia, Italy, Mexico, Canada, China.

2013 - February, 15. A meteorite fell in the Urals - the largest celestial body that collided with the surface of the Earth after the Tunguska meteorite. Because of the “Chelyabinsk” meteorite (it exploded in the vicinity of Chelyabinsk), 1,613 people were injured. February, 15. Asteroid 2012 DA14 flew by at the minimum distance from planet Earth (27,000 km). This was the closest distance in the entire history of astronomy. March 13. The most powerful telescope on the planet begins operating in the Atacama Desert, Chile.

2014 — February 7-23. The XXII Winter Olympic Games took place in Sochi. 18th of March. Putin V.V. signed an agreement on the admission of the Crimean Peninsula and Sevastopol to Russia. This agreement comes into force from the moment of ratification by the Federal Assembly - March 21. October 26. Permanent winter time introduced

2015 - Jan. 7. A terrorist attack took place at the office of the satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo in Paris, based on a caricature of the Prophet Mohammed previously posted in the magazine. 12 people were killed and 11 people were injured.

The fight for the tattered treasure

When faced with a midlife crisis, immediately decide to what extent you are ready to plunge into trying to get your spouse out of this state. To end? Then have patience and strength. Firstly, never speak badly to your children about dad and don’t express your obvious grievances against him in front of them. Try not to discuss your spouse’s behavior with your offspring at all, even if they are already 18 years old, and their father behaves worse than their peers. Just continue to be the best mom in the world to your children. And even, in some places, dad. Believe me, when you survive the crisis, everyone - both your offspring and your spouse - will be immensely grateful to you for this. Secondly, remind your beloved more often of life moments when he was “on horseback”, and those cases in which he obviously liked himself. Don’t laugh at your husband’s new hobbies, but at the same time try not to let him forget how everyone respected him even when he was still wearing a gray suit. Tell him that you were literally driven crazy by his previous style of dressing, but at the same time express your readiness to love him in a canary jacket.

Under any pretext, get your husband on vacation. Leave the children to their grandmothers and go with your spouse to conquer the Nepalese slopes, hunt in the African savannahs, ride a board on the Californian waves - in a word, engage in any extreme sport that is currently in favor with your crisis spouse. Forget about shopping in Milan – you’ll fly later with a friend.

Needless to say, you should drop your suitcase with your mobile phones and laptop at the border to make sure they don’t work for the entire trip? And, of course, before your vacation you will have to spend a month in the fitness center and beauty salon - you must be flawless! After all, nothing will bring a spouse to a feeling of self-satisfaction better than the thought that this lady, luxurious in all respects, is his wife.

Your task is to help your husband regain mental balance, self-confidence and try to re-teach him to enjoy simple things: a lunar path, a sunrise in the mountains, the naivety of children and simply the opportunity to live. If you didn’t succeed and the worst thing happened - your husband went on a spree, know: usually “anti-crisis sex therapy” lasts no more than two years. Then the exhausted Don Juan again appears on the threshold of the family nest, full of repentance. Whether you need this shabby treasure, decide for yourself.

How to overcome a midlife crisis without harming yourself?

The most important thing is to know that reevaluating your life and overcoming a “fatal” milestone happens to almost everyone. Here it is necessary not to change everything radically, to listen to yourself and your desires, to understand what dictates them. And under no circumstances should you lose your temper and blame your loved ones.

What to do? A number of useful recommendations:

Healthy lifestyle. It is worth reviewing your diet and physical activity, getting rid of bad habits.
Taking care of your health. If something worries you or chronic diseases have worsened, do not delay visiting a doctor. It is good to make it a rule to undergo regular medical examinations. But don't take this idea to the point of fanaticism.
You are the master of your life! A person must understand that responsibility for his life lies with him, and approach decision-making rationally and carefully, not be led by momentary desires and emotions.
Learn to accept yourself. It is necessary to get used to the fact that in the process of life the human psyche and body are subject to transformation. We must learn to accept and love ourselves at any age.
Find the positive in the little things. You need to learn to make every day bring positive emotions (time with family, a walk in the park, watching your favorite movie), pamper yourself and reward yourself for your achievements.
Learn to communicate problems directly but tactfully to your loved ones. Sometimes relatives have no idea what is going on inside a person. That’s why it’s so important to be able to say it out loud, but to do it in a way that doesn’t hurt anyone’s pride or offend them.
Forward movement. Learning new and interesting things always has a positive effect on the individual. Learn English, take your dream trip, complete professional courses and move up a notch in your profession, etc.
The need to speak out. Men are often closed by nature, but if you don’t talk about the problem, you may not be able to deal with it. Therefore, you can tell your best friend about your problem, or sign up for a consultation with a psychologist or psychotherapist, for example, at the Garnet psychotherapy center.

In conclusion, I would like to note that each person is responsible for himself and for his actions, that one should not attribute misbehavior, lack of education, permissiveness and reluctance to move forward and expect support to the crisis! But at the same time, if a person tries his best, but it doesn’t work out, it seems that opportunities are running out and self-confidence has been lost - the support and encouragement of others, gratitude for your care will be very helpful!

Chubby instead of macho

Keep in mind that not all men fall into the clutches of a crisis due to unsatisfied ambitions. For some, events develop according to a different scenario. One day, the faithful approaches the mirror and discovers in it not the handsome macho man he is accustomed to consider himself to be, but a plump mattress with a belly protruding from under his T-shirt, bags under his eyes and a bald patch breaking through his once thick curls. Here, of course, I remember yesterday’s shortness of breath after climbing to the third floor, and my own children, whom I want to wash, cut, change clothes and rip off their headphones from where strange music is playing, and my wife in a classic torn robe. A vile thought appears in the unfortunate man’s head: “God, I’m not young anymore! I don't understand my offspring! And who will explain to me what this woman is doing in my house? The result of such sad thoughts is depression, melancholy and, again, the desire to change everything.

Neither cognac nor sex

The symptoms of a midlife depressive crisis are not very bright (the man does not wear pink ties and does not skateboard), but they are extremely unpleasant. Your cheerful husband, the life of any company, suddenly becomes gloomy. More and more often at dinner you hear from your spouse that he mismanaged his life, he should have entered another institute, then everything would have turned out differently and the children would have studied in London, and you would have spent your vacation on a yacht. In general, he becomes increasingly bored and uninterested, he doesn’t want anything: no sex, no cognac, no bathhouse with friends, no football.

The age is no longer the same

As soon as you notice that your spouse has fallen victim to a depressive crisis, begin to unobtrusively take an interest in his affairs and be sure to pay attention to his achievements. Moreover, even if they are small, focus on the fact that he is doing what he loves, and he is doing great at it, and everything else - success, wealth, fame - will come later! Remind your spouse often that you still have a lot of time ahead and he will have time to do everything. And the phrase “not the same age” should be completely excluded from the vocabulary.

As for the mandatory vacation to get out of a crisis, you shouldn’t force a person in melancholic indifference to hang on cliffs or dive after sharks. Choose a beach holiday and take your child with you. But don’t forget to find out in advance whether the hotel has animation or a children’s room where you can rent your offspring for a while. A crisis macho should be able to enjoy an evening cocktail brought by his tanned wife in a white bikini, and the next morning he will be happy to play in the sand with his baby. In this situation, even if your spouse “destroys” himself for days on end with thoughts about what a loser he is, the realization that he has nevertheless become a good husband, an excellent father and can afford a vacation at sea will help him perk up.

What should guys do after 35?

Psychologists advise you to relax and really stop looking for a mate. On the contrary, you need to develop your hobbies, fill your life with joyful events, and “breathe deeply.” In parallel with this, it is worth working through what you are not happy with in yourself. For example, don’t like your appearance? You can sign up for training with a stylist. Problems with self-esteem and negative experiences from previous relationships? Psychologists and psychotherapists will always help with this.

Thus, it is enough for a man to live in happiness and harmony with himself, and love will meet itself and completely unexpectedly.

Expert opinion

Anna Topicheva, psychologist:

– During a midlife crisis, a man begins to look for those to blame, and, as a rule, his wife gets the most. It’s easy to explain: after all, you were the one who witnessed everything that your spouse had to endure. And many successful men do not want the woman who is next to him to know him as a poor student or a “shuttle guy” with a checkered trunk on his back. Since memories cannot be deleted, he has to change his companion! After all, his new young wife will only know him as a winner. In addition, having married for the second time, a man thinks that he gets a chance to live another life. There is only one piece of advice for a woman in this case - try to be extremely calm and discuss his emotions with your husband honestly, sincerely and impartially, like old friends. In times of crisis, many men do not realize that any divorce is painful and rarely leads to a happier life. If the spouse understands this, there is a chance that he will change his mind about leaving the family. Moreover, most often the desire to get a divorce is imposed on men by new mistresses.

When the most difficult age is the crisis years

Crisis years for a man often come before round anniversary dates: 30, 40, 50 years, etc. During these periods, he feels increased attention from society to his achievements and he himself unconsciously attaches greater importance to age than usual.

The crisis period is individual for each man

For example, at the age of 29, a man rushes to the heights of his career in order to declare his new status at 30 and earn the opinion “by the age of 30, he...”.

At 39 years old, a man can strive to look as young and attractive as possible, so that at 40 years old no one believes that he really turned 40.

At 49 years old, a man is in a hurry to put all his affairs in complete order, so that at 50 years old those around him will admire his stable, well-established life as a small comfortable kingdom.

Thus, the most difficult periods for a man are often not the crisis years, but the time that precedes them.

At 30 years old

A distinctive feature of a midlife crisis in a 30-year-old man is criticism of his own social status and financial situation. He reconsiders his achievements at work and compares them with internal ideas, often not for the better.

At 30 years old, the main reason for the crisis is doubts in the professional sphere

Due to the fact that in society, turning 30 is perceived as a kind of milestone (you need to take stock of the years you have lived before moving on to a new stage), many men think about their successes “because everyone is doing it.”

The crisis of 30 years is hardly caused by hormones: a man is far from the first manifestations of old age, which means that thoughts about health and possible death should not visit him. Rather, this is a period of social crisis, a time to evaluate one’s professional place and set new long-term goals.

Common signs of a midlife crisis in men in their 30s:

Desire to change profession or place of work.
A sharp reassessment of values: from the desire to start a family to the firm intention to remain single.
Changing hobbies: those who worked hard begin to devote more time to entertainment and sports, and vice versa.
Emotional instability and a tendency to self-criticism and negative comments about others.

At the age of 30, a man understands that there is still enough time for self-realization, but he can no longer change many things.
This is the period of the first sharp rejection of illusions in favor of reality, often colored in negative tones. Many men, on the contrary, retreat into a position of self-deception and a frivolous perception of life, refusing new forms of responsibility, for example, family responsibility. What steps are important to take to make the midlife crisis go away faster at 30?

compare yourself only with yourself in the past, objectively comparing the efforts expended with the results;
focus on the main goals, do not get distracted by unnecessary ideas and projects imposed by society;
clearly define a list of priorities, share them sincerely and easily;
reconsider your environment: exclude toxic friends and partners;
outline a comprehensive long-term plan for 5 or 10 years and break it down into stages;
treat your own emotional swings patiently, calmly analyze the reasons and change your line of behavior.

A crisis in a man’s 30s can lead him to new career heights and spur him to action or, conversely, aggravate his lack of will and provoke depressive states. The key factor is a man’s character traits, his willingness to adapt to new conditions, his desire to overcome difficulties and achieve his goals. Andrey Kurpatov: how to survive the crisis for 30 years

At 35 years old

A midlife crisis in a 35-year-old man manifests itself in his first critical assessments of his appearance and youth. He feels that previous behavioral models are beginning to become outdated, and he looks at his image in a new way.

At 35, a man begins to doubt his behavioral patterns

Characteristic features of this period:

A serious reassessment of family values: a man is thinking about starting a family, realizing his level of happiness in marriage or current relationships.
Increased attention to one’s own appearance: a man begins to actively engage in sports, changes his style of clothing and hairstyle, etc.
Reflections on your own health: a man can undergo a comprehensive diagnosis of the body, learn about ways to strengthen his stamina and prolong his ability to bear children.
The desire to look younger and behave “beyond his age”: a man changes his environment, begins to get involved in trends and flaunts his own status.

Some men 35+, experiencing this condition, fall into apathy.
They go to work as if automatically, abandon their hobbies and lose interest in the opposite sex. To survive the midlife crisis at 35 years old easily and with humor, it is useful:

read special literature on the psychology of motivation and mental characteristics, and, if necessary, visit a psychologist;
pay attention to health and regular exercise;
strengthen friendships and family relationships, find support and inspiration in them;
take care of your emotional state: enjoy leisure time and hobbies, spend your free time interesting and fun;
Determine career goals and outline a plan to achieve them.

If the depressive state does not drag on, it can bring positive results: a man will come to an awareness of his needs and inner harmony.

The most dangerous attitude - “Youth is gone, why strive for something” - is fraught with deep depression and a series of failures in the main areas of life.

At 40 years old

The midlife crisis at 40 is characterized by a sharp denial of age and the realization that, at best, half of life is already behind us.
The man is painfully aware of his mortality and feels powerless. Often it is during this period that he understands how his already elderly parents feel. Perhaps he has already said goodbye to them and feels his loneliness especially acutely, replays in his head the scenario of their departure from life and realizes that, it seems, just recently his parents were his age.

How does a midlife crisis manifest itself at 40?

Firstly, the man is clearly aware of changes in his physical condition. His performance decreases, his weight and muscle structure change, the condition of his teeth worsens, his vision deteriorates, and a bald spot may appear. He regards these changes negatively, and as a result, self-esteem decreases.

Secondly, the man is experiencing a crisis in the professional sphere. The specialty seems like a routine, he increasingly doubts that he is doing a useful and suitable job, but he understands that a sharp change in activity is associated with serious material obstacles, while his responsibility to his family does not decrease. Career growth has slowed down, and new prospects seem vague and unattainable.

Thirdly, he may be disappointed in family relationships. If the marriage has lost its novelty, the partners do not develop, and the spouse often expresses her dissatisfaction or demonstrates indifference, the man feels unnecessary and begins to think that the relationship has outlived its usefulness. Such sentiments encourage men to assert themselves at the expense of young partners and to break up marriages for the sake of fleeting connections.

Finally, the man is experiencing an internal crisis associated with revaluation of values and self-determination. He may feel inner emptiness for no apparent reason, and suddenly lose interest in communicating with friends and family. His psyche is experiencing a turning point: the man is acutely aware of the passing time and regrets missed opportunities.

During this period it is useful:

pay close attention to your daily routine, diet and sleep;
deal with family relationships, visit a family psychologist;
assess the level of personal comfort and increase it: at home, at work and in relationships with friends;
find relaxing hobbies that bring you pleasure;
exercise regularly in a pleasant and comfortable manner;
fill your life with new sensations: travel, art, communication with new people;
engage in self-development: read professional and scientific literature, get rid of bad habits, keep a diary, reconsider your attitude towards life.

At 45 years old

The crisis of 45 years in men is associated with a period of stagnation. He loses motivation for work and career growth, sports, and intimate relationships. Life loses its usual colors and novelty of sensations. At this stage, the man understands that “rejuvenation” with external attributes is no longer effective, and tries to impress with his social status and experience.

At 45, a man usually gets used to external changes

A midlife crisis at 45 years old for a man is:

decadent state of mind, apathy;
feeling of constant fatigue;
loss of interest in life;
tendency to eccentric behavior;
a growing desire to criticize the world around us;
disappointment in marriage;
difficulties in communicating with children.

In a state of crisis, a man can project internal problems onto those close to him: his wife has lost her attractiveness, his children have become self-centered, his friends have become boring.
This period is dangerous because of the destruction of ties that have been strengthened over the years. The man believes that he is hopelessly bogged down in everyday life, and begins to blame his loved ones for this. It seems that a midlife crisis will inexorably ruin his character. There is no need to be discouraged. Even the most protracted crisis can be overcome by remembering simple life principles:

Mental health is largely determined by physical condition. The stronger your health, the easier it is to establish a stable sense of inner harmony. That’s why the obvious recommendations of doctors are so effective: quitting smoking and alcohol, a healthy diet, regular physical activity (even if it’s at least 30 minutes of walking a day), stabilizing your sleep pattern.
Simple joys bring no less pleasure than large-scale events, if you pay due attention to them.
Sport is useful at any age and is mandatory once you reach middle age.
Family relationships bring the strongest support and inspiration if you give yourself to them sincerely and lovingly. It is worth remembering that women also suffer from a midlife crisis and they also need support.

During the crisis of 45 years, a man often feels powerless and worthless. That is why the support, love and patient attitude of loved ones at this time play a decisive role in the quick resolution of his internal conflicts.

At 50 years old

Retirement age is approaching, and with it thoughts about what to do in the future. The midlife crisis at 50 is, as at 30, primarily a crisis of the profession.

At 50, a man worries about his upcoming retirement

The man understands that it has become more difficult to do what he loves; at some points he lacks youthful enthusiasm and energy. It is difficult for him to adapt to different tasks, behave flexibly and diplomatically, and maintain authority. A man may feel the fragility of his social position.

Also characteristic of the 50-year crisis are:

deterioration in physical condition, loss of libido;
fear of death;
boredom, lethargy and apathy;
a feeling of reaching a career limit;
desire to radically change the situation.

Those around you congratulate you on your anniversary and wish you only health, but not career heights, increased wealth or success in your personal life.
The opinion of colleagues, friends and family often turns out to be decisive for the self-esteem of a man in crisis. For this reason, he may lose faith in his abilities and give up on his personal and professional development, believing that he is no longer capable of more. The sphere of personal life may also undergo a period of stagnation. If a man is married, his attitude towards his wife may become cold and indifferent. He no longer expects anything new from the relationship and lives with his wife as if out of habit. A lonely man during a crisis experiences a feeling of hopelessness and growing loneliness.

How to deal with a midlife crisis at 50?

Maintain a harmonious internal state, treat yourself with care and respect.
Pay increased attention to your health.
Be calm about changes and don’t rush things, stop exhausting yourself with stress and unattainable goals.

A midlife crisis may not occur at age 50. The likelihood depends on the man’s level of awareness, his physical and mental health, as well as social status.

After 50 years

The midlife crisis after 50 years of age occurs in different years of life and is associated with the acceptance of one’s own approaching old age and the characteristics arising from it. A man increasingly thinks about death and how he wants to spend the last stage of his life.

Midlife crisis often manifests itself in impulsive purchases

Many during this period give up any ambitions and live, reflecting on past achievements and analyzing their lives. If a man believes that he spent her best years with dignity, the crisis may not come.

Another distinctive feature of the midlife crisis after 50 is the assessment of one’s contribution to the future generations. A man critically weighs whether he has given enough to his children and grandchildren and whether he will be able to help them in difficult situations. The man begins to gradually lose his family and friends, his thoughts rush to his own family and its future well-being.

The main prerequisites for the onset of a crisis period after 50 years are deteriorating health, dissatisfaction with life and loneliness. A man with well-established principles, who has built a brilliant career and is surrounded by loving people, is unlikely to perceive his expected old age with sadness and become depressed.