The world rests on fools. This axiom is known to everyone who takes advantage of people's gullibility and kindness. As a rule, within every person there lives that same child who believes in goodness, honesty and devotion to the last. Unfortunately, life practice shows that the modern world is more often cruel to gullible people. It's time to learn how to stop being naive if it gets in the way in life.
Trust is sometimes unnecessary
Surely in the life of every person it happened that excessive gullibility played a cruel joke on him. The worst thing is that this quality often affects not only the psycho-emotional state. Advertising mailings promising gifts and reduced prices, dubious services - all this can end disastrously for the family budget. If you have experienced first-hand what excessive gullibility is, it’s time to learn how to stop being naive.
There are many ways to cultivate rational thinking. First of all, you should not go to extremes. If you understand that your gullibility and kindness directly harms you, you should not look at this situation categorically. You have to believe, but not everyone and not always.
Critical thinking
In order not to be too gullible, you should objectively assess what is happening.
Use your critical thinking and trust only verified facts. Learn to analyze what is happening, and not live only by feelings. After all, in the future it will be easier for you to go through life. Read detective stories, play logic games, solve riddles. All this will help develop your analytical skills. In practice, before you trust a person, think about whether there are any obvious inconsistencies in his behavior or words and the circumstances of the current situation, and whether this individual may have some hidden motives.
Don't rush to make hasty decisions
If you don’t know how to stop being naive, then first you should learn to take your time. This is especially true when making important decisions. For example, if a sales manager persistently asks you to make a decision right then and there, take your time. Because most often unscrupulous people use this method for their own purposes. Pay attention to your conversational style and safe words. For example, they convince you that such a wonderful opportunity will not exist later. This is an obvious sign that they are trying to deceive you. Remember:
- Don't agree to something simply because you don't know how to say no.
- Only after you are finally convinced of the person’s pure intentions, make a decision. Otherwise you will look naive.
- Be especially wary of people who rush you into making a decision.
If it’s a little easier with swindlers and swindlers, things are much more complicated in relationships with people. How to stop being naive with the opposite sex? This question is often asked by girls who have been disappointed in men more than once.
I'm afraid of everything
Anna Utkina. Photo: Anna Danilova
I'm afraid all the time. Mainly oncology, but also blood clots, multiple sclerosis and heart attack. I'm afraid of the dark, of going far from home, of losing sight of one of the children. I’m afraid I won’t get enough sleep (and that’s why I can’t get enough sleep without pills), I’m afraid that my loved ones will die in their sleep. I'm afraid of maniacs, I'm afraid of the elevator, I'm afraid that I'll throw up. Rotavirus for me is hell on earth. I'm afraid of the inevitability of death. Not so much that I’m a little afraid, sometimes I think or “Oh, when I think about it...”. And I constantly spin these thoughts in my head. I have been struggling with anxiety disorder since November 2015. I faceof anxiety disorder.
It all started with an operation to remove a benign tumor. When my histology came back, the doctor advised me to double-check the result at the oncology clinic. “Mistakes happen so often! - he said. “There was one case...” This became a trigger that set off a terrible alarm in my head. Everything began to grow like a snowball.
Reading the stories of seriously ill people, I began to try them on myself. Moreover, many could not be diagnosed for a long time, people missed valuable time. Over the course of two years, I did five or six ultrasounds of each organ, an MRI of the brain, and an MSCT scan of the skull (it seemed to me that the skull was a little uneven). And even the positive research results could not convince me. After all, mistakes happen!
What will happen to my children? Who will take care of my elderly parents, because I am an only child! For two years my life resembled hell with a constant search for symptoms of often non-existent diseases.
Every morning I started with self-diagnosis. Did you go to the mirror and look to see if a rash appeared anywhere? She constantly checked the condition of the lymph nodes, teeth, and pupil size. Any cold and slight increase in temperature were accompanied by detailed blood tests, urine tests, and allergy tests.
Skeptical mood
This is a skill that will allow you to protect yourself from unscrupulous people. You should learn to criticize all information coming from outside. For example, if an older brother says that he saw his friend’s phone, which he bought for pennies, you should make sure of this, but not take his word for it.
At the same time, you should prepare for a negative reaction. After all, people are accustomed to considering you gullible, so they will begin to be offended if you stop trusting them. Every time you are told new information, maintain a grain of salt. This will protect you from future disappointment.
Why naivety is ruining you and how to get rid of it
A naive, simple-minded attitude towards everything can bring a touching smile to those around you. It's so sweet to meet a good-natured person who openly believes every joke. It threatens you with constant trouble, and you need to know how to fix it.
A slight degree of naivety will not hurt anyone, because not all situations require a serious approach. For example, in a relationship with a man, she only decorates, makes her want to take care and protect the poor thing from the harshness of the world around her. Constant faith in everyone and everything requires radical decisions. Excessive naivety, when mistakes of the past are not perceived as experience, will only lead to tears from failed relationships, ruined plans, banter and misunderstandings. So let's start looking for these solutions, but first let's look at the reasons why naivety is dangerous.
You perceive reality incorrectly
An uncritical perception of the world makes you misunderstand current events, phrases, actions - you do not see their subtext, hidden reasons, which means that you initially incorrectly structure your reactions to events, your behavior. So, if you directly understood the man’s hint to “come for tea,” then you will be surprised by what is happening, and that’s putting it mildly.
“Partial” perception drives you into a world of illusions, where everything is contrasting, without halftones. A person is either good or bad for you, and you treat him accordingly. But this is already an evaluative delusion that limits you. And so it is in everything: every detail of the world is not fully perceived by you, which means it’s difficult for you to build your own life line. Your plans do not correspond to reality, so they are difficult or even impossible to implement.
You yourself are not taken seriously. This means that you are not assigned important tasks at work that could bring you a bonus or salary increase. This means that you are not perceived as a reliable friend. This means that they don’t see you as a good wife and mother of their children. That's it, and the reason is simple naivety.
It's easy to fool you
A person lies about 50 times a day. Most of the lies, of course, are for frivolous reasons: how you spent your day off, why you were late, how you were in your mood. That is, they lie to everyone. But the point is that you believe everything and you can be deliberately deceived and then used. Borrowing money from you under “plausible” pretexts, such as helping a sick mother, a dog shelter, Greenland puffins (it’s not a fact that such exist) and delaying the return. Or drag you into a conflict at work, make her feel guilty, and then hand over some of your work as punishment. You are trusting, which means you are controllable.
You are a constant object of ridicule
Your naive simplicity encourages people to use it, and you are constantly teased. Jokes that you take seriously will make people laugh. Even if you are angry and offended, this does not stop such merry fellows. Which, you see, does not add positivity to life. Self-irony is welcome; laughing at yourself is useful for preventing arrogance. But constant ridicule and practical jokes from the outside are harmful to your self-esteem and mood.
Silly situations are an integral part of your daily routine. And here it’s not someone else’s fault, but your “childish” perception: you understood something wrong, then did the wrong thing, and as a result, you ended up in the wrong place. Once again, naivety led to problems.
It undermines your health
Ridicule, constant failures, incorrect expectations, unfulfilled plans cause a lot of negative experiences in you that undermine first your soul and then your body. You are overcome by anger, because people always misperceive you, treat you not seriously, and even make fun of you. You are tormented by grievances because you again failed to achieve your goals. You are depressed again because your next chosen one turned out to be a scoundrel, and not the prince you thought he was. All of them burden you mentally, take away your strength and desire to continue. Malnutrition, gastritis, ulcers, heart problems begin - psychosomatics in action.
Is it really that bad?
Naivety and gullibility are not such bad character traits, and you should understand this. There are quite a few positives here. For example, strong friendship is impossible without trust. A person is more willing to help if he trusts his partner. It's the same in business. It is difficult to build a joint business without trust. It is impossible to achieve success by constantly suspecting your partner and looking for his weak points. In this case, the question of how to stop being a naive person disappears by itself.
In a love relationship, you cannot build a family without trust. Girls who are repeatedly burned by the flames of love cease to believe even in the most sincere intentions. Strong families are a union of two people whose relationships are built on trust in each other.
Therefore, we can say that reasonable gullibility and naivety are positive character traits that help build meaningful relationships. Nevertheless, quite often the question arises of how to stop being a gullible and naive person.
Anxiety disorders reduce quality of life
Maria Leibovich, psychiatrist, psychotherapist of the highest category
Maria Leibovich
Anxiety disorders are a fairly wide range of diseases; according to various sources, the prevalence ranges from 5% for generalized anxiety disorder to 25% for all diseases in this category.
The “danger” depends on the severity of the manifestations: someone lives their whole life with an isolated phobia (aerophobia, social phobia), and someone, six months to a year after the appearance of the first symptoms, no longer leaves the house due to a large number of fears and a high level of anxiety . Of course, anxiety disorders reduce the quality of life and lead to social losses, limiting the possibilities of patients. I believe that these are the most reliable criteria for the need to contact a specialist.
Indeed, there is an opinion that times have their own “psychopathological overtones”
At the beginning of the 19th century, the term “hysteria” appeared, many of these disorders were identified, they were discussed, researched, and a lot was written about them. In the 20th century, hysteria was replaced by a new “popular” word - depression, and the 21st century was marked by an increase in identification and increased attention to anxiety disorders.
The “popularity” of a particular disease is influenced by awareness, availability of information, skills in identifying the disorder, and leading scientific trends of the time. It is likely that the pace of life, high information load, and the cult of “success” also contribute to the growth of anxiety disorders at present.
Alternative option
First of all, it is necessary to understand whether there really is excessive gullibility. It's not difficult to do this at all. It is enough just to analyze the last problem and draw a conclusion as a result of which it was formed. If you lost your business due to betrayal, were deceived again due to excessive naivety, or again bought an absolutely unnecessary thing just because “His Majesty Chance” chose you, it’s time to start working on yourself. After all, it is obvious that in this case it is naivety that plays bad jokes.
You shouldn’t categorically refuse to communicate with everyone. You can communicate, make friends, start romances and build a business, but you need to do this with extreme caution, carefully checking the words and actions of your partners. Sometimes just the realization that you can be deceived is enough to stop being kind and naive. Alternatively, healthy criticism. It is appropriate always and everywhere.
A short introduction
First you need to figure out why a person stops trusting other people. In fact, every negative experience experienced in the past leaves a serious imprint not only on the soul, but also on the heart. Most often, mistrust arises due to the experienced betrayal of a loved one, the deception of a friend or comrade. In most cases, past problems in relationships with people can seriously harm a person in the future.
Many of us have at least once heard the following phrase from someone: “I don’t trust people.” But why does this happen? Is a lack of trust in other people a serious barrier to living a fulfilling and happy life? Unfortunately, yes, but this problem can be dealt with.
Practical recommendations
You can talk for a long time about how to stop being naive and gullible. Psychology is a very subtle science that provides answers to many questions. And here are just a few practical tips that you can use in life:
- Don't rush to conclusions. Very often, rash decisions change life not for the better. It was not for nothing that our ancestors advised measuring 7 times before cutting. This rule still applies today.
- Don't believe what sounds too good. If a stranger offers you a meeting right here and now just because he drowned in your eyes, don’t believe him. If a consultant says that this set of dishes usually costs twice as much, but today the stars have miraculously aligned and you simply have to buy another piece of junk - don’t believe it.
- Don't rely on the majority opinion. Those who want to take advantage of your gullibility will certainly not miss this chance. They will say that almost all of your colleagues bought this same set of pots. Those who did not have time to purchase asked to place an individual order. Only you are left. And it’s not at all clear how you can live without this wonderful tableware, which in the next few years will take pride of place on the mezzanine.
Trust helps build relationships. But obvious naivety seriously spoils and poisons life. Don't let anyone take advantage of these qualities of your character. As they say, trust, but verify.
FAQ
How to trust people if a person has previously experienced a serious negative experience? Most importantly, you don't need to constantly think about your past. Everything bad has already happened, for example, my husband left the family, my friend betrayed me, my colleague set me up at work and my boss fired me. However, this does not mean that the girl will not be able to get married again and become happy, find a new job and make friends with another, more decent person. Therefore, in order to get rid of mistrust of other people, you do not need to constantly remember the negative past and dwell on bad experiences. After all, after a black streak in life there always comes a white one.
Can you trust people who have already betrayed you once? Not only men, but also women often turn to specialists with this question. So, psychologists believe that everything depends on the specific situation. Although it is hardly possible to justify betrayal. However, if a person sincerely repents and asks for forgiveness for his actions, then another can forgive him, although he is not obliged to do so. Nevertheless, it is unlikely that it will be possible to regain trust in a person here. After all, whoever betrayed once can betray a second time. Don't forget about this.
How to stop being naive and gullible, and why this is important
Your friend is a writer. Fictional character of the St. Petersburg province.
Practicing psychologist, Gestalt therapist. Graduated from Togliatti State.
It would seem that what could be more beautiful than a sweet, inexperienced girl with the wide-open eyes of the trusting fawn Bambi? According to Wikipedia, anything. According to the official source, naivety and gullibility are a sign of an inability to navigate life in a timely manner and adapt to changing circumstances. Innocence and unwillingness to notice evil became the traits of a fairy-tale character who would not last a day in real life.
The origins of suspiciousness
Suspiciousness usually arises from self-doubt and low self-esteem. Morbid suspiciousness is a kind of manifestation of an exaggerated instinct of self-preservation. Many experts rightly believe that the causes of suspiciousness lie in those negative, and often psychologically traumatic, childhood impressions and experiences, which subsequently grow into neurotic complexes. Suspiciousness is a heterogeneous concept. It can be an independent character trait, or it can be part of a disorder, for example, obsessive-compulsive neurosis, hypochondria, pathological jealousy, and delusions of persecution.
Suspiciousness is a common problem; one third of the population of our planet suffers from it in one form or another.
Why you need to get rid of excessive gullibility
- Trusting people believe that everyone is sincerely happy to see them, and with redoubled enthusiasm they run at the first call to fulfill other people’s requests. They do not feel sorry for money or time in order for others to appreciate them. But in reality, sidelong glances and ridicule are guaranteed.
- As a rule, naive people are very shy and do not like to be “new” in an unfamiliar company. They are afraid of not living up to expectations, of offending and ruining relationships, so they come across as complex.
- Excessive gullibility is fraught.
Simple-minded people easily become victims of scammers and with all their appearance as a naive schoolgirl they provoke the logical outcome of events: it is convenient to sit on their neck. They are easily manipulated and cannot always fight back.
- It's annoying. Inappropriate optimism is wildly infuriating and makes you want to give it a good shake and be rude: “Get your act together already! Stop acting like a child!” Naive people are simply not taken seriously and prefer not to be burdened with unnecessary responsibilities in case they fail to cope.
How to understand that you are being used
Getting rid of irrational character traits is a long and difficult job. Be sure that it will take a lot of time and effort. Let’s say that your loved ones are already accustomed to your characteristics and are ready to support the changes, but what about the uninitiated? Meeting someone new can be so exciting that you miss obvious warning signs. Be careful if:
- they show excessive interest in you. Especially when the other person seems genuinely concerned about your personal life, work or financial situation. The desire to quickly enter a close circle of friends may be caused by selfish motives;
- body language contradicts what was said. Pay attention to nonverbal signs of lying. It will not be difficult for an experienced schemer to look you firmly in the eyes and make insidious plans, but a less experienced one can give himself away with a shifting gaze;
- you are actively encouraged to “accept a super lucrative offer right now that will change your life.” There is some truth in this, but this does not mean at all that the changes will be positive. They'll likely put a sizable hole in your wallet;
- your refusal to cooperate or have a closer relationship causes confusion or aggression. As you can see, those around you are used to the fact that you can be played around in any way they want, and they don’t allow that you might suddenly not like something.
