“I'm boring (I'm boring). It's not interesting to talk to me. People don't listen to me. When I get into any society, I feel uncomfortable and out of place. I never know what to talk about. Because of this, I try to leave the house less and appear in society less often. Little by little the friends all dissolved... What to do, what to do? I’m not an interesting conversationalist, and they even say I’m a bore.”
If this sounds like you, read the entire article. We'll figure out why you're boring. What are the deep psychological mechanisms of boredom and ennui? What to do to make people interested in talking to you.
I'm not interesting - why do I feel this way?
“I'm not an interesting conversationalist. Uninteresting guy to girls. Not interesting to other people. No one is interested in me as a person.”
This self-awareness of oneself as an uninteresting, boring, flawed person - where does it come from?
Let's trace the components of this phenomenon
Own self-esteem
If we try to dig deeper into your soul, we will see a little person there, a child. Who really lacks a sense of self-worth.
But adequate, healthy self-esteem will always be the basis for any communication with other people.
Non-recognition, disapproval by society
Every person has a very important need - recognition and approval. This need is not only socially conditioned. It is even biologically important. Because, you see, for a person to simply survive in society, he needs the society in which he is located to approve of him.
And this desire for approval by society dates back to ancient times, when people still lived in autonomous tribes. If you are not approved by your tribe, if you behave in some way incorrectly, then the pack will expel you. And then you are doomed to death.
Lack of family recognition and approval
Plus, the need for approval and recognition from the person (mother, most often) on whom your survival depends in early childhood.
All three of the above ingredients for feeling bored and uninteresting are interconnected. How?
Here's how: there is one very interesting phenomenon. It's called the "mirror effect". The people around us unconsciously read our own self-esteem and return to us exactly the attitude that will be equal to our deep inner sense of self.
And, it turns out. Deep down, we consider ourselves a boring, uninteresting person with whom there is nothing to talk about. We ourselves recognize ourselves as flawed, bad, unimportant. And, at the same time, we urgently need people, especially close ones, to approve of us.
An internal conflict arises. The knot is tightened.
Failure to tell good stories
Even if an interesting story happened to a boring person, he will definitely spoil it with an inept story. Monotony of speech, lack of emotion, and a very drawn-out narrative can kill even a story about an incredible adventure. Interesting events need to be able to be told with expressiveness, mimicry, they should be accompanied by laughter or a loud emotional voice, active gestures. Then, in addition to hearing an interesting story, your friends will see you as a bright interlocutor with whom you can have fun.
I'm boring - 8 signs that make me feel uninteresting
What are the signs that you are boring and people are not interested in you?
1. In society, the team, they don’t seem to notice me. When everyone is talking, discussing something, I usually stand on the sidelines. If I leave, no one will really notice. It’s like I’m an invisible man – that’s how I feel. This is very unpleasant, painful and offensive.
2. They may show interest in me only at first. But it quickly turns out that they just needed to discuss some current work or educational moment. After this, communication stops.
3.Nobody listens to me. If I try to tell something about myself, my interlocutors end the conversation. My feelings, emotions, my inner world are of no interest to anyone.
4. They don’t invite me anywhere, they don’t call me. People don't show initiative towards me. If I close my doors and sit at home, no one will even notice, it seems to me.
Fear of dreaming about the future
A boring person, by definition, cannot be a dreamer. Dreamers are visionaries who have excellent communication skills and a great sense of humor. They are always ready to go on adventures, they may be afraid of something, but they openly admit their own fears and try to fight them. But a boring interlocutor most often does the same thing all his life and does not plan to change anything in the future. Any risk or possibility of change causes him wild fear. Therefore, feel free to make plans, set interesting goals, dream about the impossible and share your ideas with friends.
How to become an interesting conversationalist
1. While working as a practical psychologist, I noticed that people who consider themselves bad communicators are very focused on themselves.
This manifests itself in phrases such as:
- no one listens to me
- no one can hear me
- no one supports me.
Here lies the answer to the question “how to become an interesting, good conversationalist.” Simply, learn to switch the focus of your attention from yourself to the person you are talking to.
Why? Because for your interlocutor there is nothing, absolutely nothing more interesting than himself. His feelings, his dreams, aspirations, fears, joys. His assessment of what is happening around him.
People are ready to talk about themselves for hours, days, without stopping. In modern life, everyone is yearning for listeners. About someone who will listen to you, will not interrupt you and give out his stupid assessments and advice.
That’s right: non-judgmental, non-advice listening and sincere interest in another is what is 100% guaranteed to make you an amazing conversationalist. Such an interlocutor and friend who is BEYOND competition.
2. The second point on how to become an interesting conversationalist is to learn to ask the right questions. That is, to be able to competently pull a person’s tongue. These are so-called open questions, for example:
- Tell me how it was
- How did you feel when...
- What do you think about…
- What do you like, what don’t like...
- Why do you think...
And similar ones. These are all questions to which your interlocutor can answer not “yes” or “no,” but give a good, detailed answer.
3. The third point is ACCEPTING the right of others to their vision, their opinion. At the same time, you don’t have to think the same way as him. It is enough if you can simply recognize in your soul his right to see, think and feel as he considers necessary and important for himself.
4. The fourth point - DO NOT BE AFRAID of pauses in the conversation. If there is an “awkward pause”, you can remain silent.
Lazy answers
When people give a long speech in a company, they always expect a detailed answer. They are interested in the opinion of the interlocutor, his response and desire to continue the conversation. And when they receive a short phrase like “clear” or “understood” in response, their enthusiasm immediately fades and the conversation automatically comes to an end. A person who gives short answers cannot be interesting, because his words mean absolutely nothing. With the same success, one could talk to a nightstand or sofa, the reaction would be about the same. Therefore, do not be lazy to show interest and participation through detailed responses to the remarks of your friends or acquaintances.
How to become an interesting person and personality
To become and remain an interesting person and person is to forever get away from the self-perception “I’m boring, I’m boring.” For this:
Look at life until you fall in love with it.
If you want to become an interesting person, get interested!
How? Yes, anything from everything that surrounds you. Look, look around with interest.
Shift your focus from the problem “I am boring and I need the approval of others” to Life.
Once you start to take a closer look at everything that the world is filled with, it will seem to you that even nine lives are not enough to study everything. There are so many interesting and fascinating things in the world.
Remember when you were a little child. How amazing the world around me seemed. Simple puddles were a different story - deep in the summer, frozen in the mornings in the fall. Each subject was studied, looked at from all sides, and seemed to be something special.
And, now that you have grown up, you are surrounded by more complex and more interesting things.
History, politics, music, literature, art in general, new knowledge and skills.
Doing is not redoing, reading is not re-reading.
If until now you have been sitting, bored and telling yourself “I am boring (boring) and uninteresting,” then the time has come to become an interesting person and personality. If you want to be interesting, kindle your interest in life and its manifestations.
Don’t be afraid to leave your usual swamp – your comfort zone. Even if you are scared and reluctant, get up and go. Yes, at first it will be unusual and uncomfortable. But then you will be grateful to yourself for being able to raise yourself and go into the New.
Inability to carry on a conversation
Most often, boring people either talk too much or, conversely, remain silent and only listen to their interlocutors. In the first case, it is important for them to speak out, but they are not at all interested in hearing what you will say in response. This is a selfish manner of communication that puts the interlocutor in an awkward position. In the second case, a boring person will only listen to other people, but in response either say nothing or answer in monosyllabic phrases. Showing liveliness, participation and emotion in a conversation is extremely important for others to consider you an interesting person.
How to be interesting to a man
How to become an interesting girl for a guy, husband, beloved man?
My grandmother also said: “Don’t show your dog everything to your husband.” I'm sorry, that's the saying.
This is about the fact that a man remains a man. He is a hunter and a conqueror - and this is his nature. It is very important for girls and women to take this into account if they want to be interesting to their beloved husband, boyfriend, or man.
In practice it looks something like this.
Understatement in your feelings is important
There is no need to dump on a man your declarations of love and the fact that you miss him terribly. This can be done very rarely, and on especially special occasions.
Because if your man understands that “you are in his pocket and all his guts,” then he loses interest in you. After all, his instinct as a conqueror and hunter is satisfied. And why should he be interested in you anymore?
General lack of information about you
This also applies to the fact that a man is by nature a warrior, a hunter.
The hunter is not interested in knowing which snag the bunny is quietly waiting for him all day. He wants to think, to fantasize. Even, it will suffer a little from the unknown.
This promotes the release of testosterone. You should not tell your husband or boyfriend about all your movements.
Be a good conversationalist for a man or guy
Plus, for girls who want to be interesting to their man, the above-mentioned methods “How to be a good conversationalist” work - these methods are universal.
Ask your loved one questions, pull his tongue. Give him the opportunity to talk about himself.
Especially: it is important for a man to talk about his achievements, about what he is proud of. He wants you to appreciate, admire, praise! Accordingly, he will be very grateful to you. And, you will be the most interesting girl for him.
Unlocking possibilities, overcoming boundaries
If the thought “I’m boring” is still spinning in your head, despite completing the feats on the list, it’s time to resort to the unknown. Surely, desires have awakened that have not yet been encountered in your modest life: to learn basic sewing techniques, to move a brush on canvas, to make designer stocking dolls, to kick a ball on a football field, to learn the art of makeup. A million examples can be given of how one can develop in various directions if one wishes. As a rule, we build barriers ourselves, but there are no barriers to the beginning of personal development, even at retirement age.
Observe people's reactions
During communication, it is easy to notice that the other person is not interested in him. If he is inactive, constantly changes the topic, rolls his eyes or clicks his tongue, gets irritated - these are alarm bells. You should end the conversation so as not to aggravate the situation and completely spoil the impression of yourself.
Be considerate of others. Do not insist on discussing politics or a narrow professional topic if the interlocutor is completely uninterested in it. It’s better to ask him something or get distracted by the action: you can take a walk and discuss the surroundings, go to a bookstore or go into an establishment and order something exotic.
Think positively
You will become more cheerful and attractive if you learn to drive away negative thoughts. Therefore, stop complaining about life and worrying about trifles. Constant negativity in communication pushes others away. If you complain about your family, work, or troubles in your personal life, no one will want to communicate with you.
Of course, you have a need to express your feelings - this is normal. But they need to be shared with close friends and in measured quantities, allowing the person to develop the topic and speak out too. It is very important to conduct a dialogue, and not the eternal monologue of a pessimist.
Work on your self-esteem
To avoid being boring, you need to have courage. After all, not everyone will dare to directly express their opinion, joke in the presence of a large number of people, or be the center of attention. Courage is inherent in people who are self-confident.
Healthy self-esteem is formed if you:
- achieve certain successes in your career;
- have a wide range of interests;
- are deeply interested in 2-3 areas;
- know how to take care of yourself and rest properly;
- working on your external attractiveness.
If you have fears, complexes, you don’t love yourself and consider yourself unworthy of life’s blessings, then work on your self-confidence.
The impact of characteristic changes on personal life
A woman’s heart is created for love, affection, passionate relationships; for the sake of their loved one, girls are able to change, adapt, become better in all their manifestations in order to please their precious chosen one. There are not isolated cases when a girl at an appointment with a psychologist shares something unpleasant: “The other day I was on a date, everything seemed to be going well, but at the end of the evening the guy said that I was boring, and it’s unlikely that anything serious would work out between us.” " Agree, it really affects self-esteem and makes you think about your own behavior. Females, by their strategic nature, are able to think through topics for conversation, seemingly relaxed gestures, and an attractive image before going to meet a man. But this is not enough to win the proper attention of a man; it is quite possible to confuse the tactics of behavior with a specific chosen one, because you do not know what exactly this handsome man wants. So that at the end of a promising evening you don’t sit with a questioning look: “Am I boring?” It is necessary throughout the entire period of conscious age to develop in all directions, to learn sciences that are not familiar to you, but interesting in their significance, to touch upon “male” topics: cars, fishing, sports, weapons, hunting. All-round development, even in small quantities, is useful for communicating with the opposite sex; interest only in female beauty and sex appeal is unlikely to last for a long time.
