0 7386 October 7, 2021 at 09:06 Author of the publication: Evgenia Astreinova, psychologist
I seem to speak Russian. And there are no foreigners around me. And I feel like no one understands me. And it’s not clear how to communicate with them.
Take my husband, for example. Probably twenty times already it has dripped on my brain: “Vasya, fix the tap! Vasya, fix the tap!” Well, how else can I say it? Did I say something incomprehensible? Does not help. But I know for sure that about once every fiftieth time I risk waiting for him to just freak out and punch me on the back. There was already a case... This is how, in general, you can find a common language with this person, huh?!
And it’s no better with my daughter. Some kind of FIFA is growing, always “in character.” Getting ready for kindergarten every morning is a real pain. First, we change our blouses a hundred times, because “this one isn’t so pretty, and that one doesn’t have enough shiny rhinestones.” I explain in normal Russian: frost in the yard! What kind of rhinestones? A warm, practical sweater is needed. And she burst into tears.
The road to kindergarten is a real hard labor. What other words can we use to explain that we are late?! “Oh, look how the snowflakes sparkle here! Oh, what a cat is running, she’s probably cold, let’s take it home?” My teeth are already grinding, but this is not at all from the cold.
Mother-in-law is just another story. Unfortunately, not without words. There are just a lot of words there, rattling like a magpie. And it still languishes over my beloved, as if he had to get ready for kindergarten in the morning: “How are you there, Vasenka, my little darling? It’s cold outside, don’t forget to wear a scarf!”
Just now I tried to hint that an adult man no longer has to call his mom thirty times a day. His nostrils flared and his jaw stuck out: “How can you?!” It’s MOM!!!” That's it, turn out the lights, I can't take it anymore.
The concept of "common language"
What does this concept hide? Finding a common language means achieving mutual understanding, finding an opportunity to agree among one another, and coming to mutual agreement with interlocutors regarding views and thoughts, actions and deeds, solutions to a particular problem.
However, from a psychological point of view, achieving mutual understanding is not always easy. People grew up and were brought up in different environments, received different educations, each have their own profession, have different values and habits, and lead different lifestyles. And many more factors influence the way people think and behave in a given situation.
How to connect with people
Communication is a very important part of our life. It is present in all areas of life: in the family, at work, in the store, communicating with friends, colleagues and just strangers. It is necessary to find a common language with different people in order to avoid conflict situations, not to get into arguments, just to be in a calm and comfortable state and always have a good mood.
Some people succeed easily; we can say that they have received this priceless gift from nature. For others it is much more difficult. However, it is possible to learn how to find a common language and establish relationships with people. Think for yourself, because at one time all our friends and colleagues were strangers to us. As an example, you can look at children, how they easily, unobtrusively and naturally make friends.
Tips on how to get along with others
First of all, tune in to communicate with others. There is no need to constantly focus on yourself and your problems. Be open and friendly. Learn to listen to other people. And not only listen, but also hear. Be interested in what is happening in their lives, how they live, what hobbies they have, what plans they have for the future.
Try to find something in common. This could be any memories and events from the past, common interests and hobbies, the same lifestyle, similar tastes in clothes, food, books, similar plans for the future. You can also always discuss general topics such as weather, sports, some events, hometown or country, culture and customs.
In any situation, be calm, polite, and friendly. Treat your interlocutors with respect. It is worth remembering that all people are different, but sometimes it is this difference that can unite people.
Strive to see something good and good in every person. There is no need to pay attention to skin color, social role, status, or age of a person. The most important thing in people is their morality, their inner world. Say warm and kind words to people. It’s not difficult at all, and your interlocutors will be pleased.
Share your good mood and positivity with others. People see those who know how to enjoy life and are drawn to them. Problems and difficulties happen in the life of any person. But how to deal with them and overcome them is everyone’s choice.
Try not to get involved in arguments about every issue. It turns people off. There is also no need to participate in gossip and intrigue, or discuss someone behind their back. If they want to force you to participate in them, it is better to tactfully leave or switch to something else.
Speak to the point. Before you start saying anything, think about it so as not to say too much. Always keep your promises, as this is the key to trust. If you cannot fulfill any request, do not promise, refuse tactfully and politely.
Be honest and sincere. This always puts people at ease.
Drop your skepticism
If it seems to you that your husband’s friends are drunkards, womanizers, and foul-mouthed people, you will never be able to make friends with them. Think about why you have this opinion about them? Maybe because one of them drank too much at the holiday or is dating two women at once?
Let's face it. There are no ideal people. Chances are, you haven't always acted like a good girl either.
Forget about criticism, talk to your husband, ask him about his friends. He will be very pleased, he will tell you what kind of people they are. Perhaps your opinion about them will immediately change.
Relationship with the child
The problem of fathers and children remains relevant at all times. The question of how to find a common language with a child is asked by every parent at a certain stage of life. At first glance it seems nothing complicated. After all, this is your child, and you have known him all his life. But sometimes he surprises you so much with his actions and thoughts that you stop recognizing him.
It is very important to be able to acknowledge your child's feelings. “But we do it!” - many may object. Is it really true? Are you sure that you are not replacing the child’s real feelings with your perception and sensation? Let's consider one situation. A mother and child are walking home from a store that is literally a stone's throw away. The child says he is tired. And mom replies: “Don’t make things up!” Is this the same as acknowledging a child's feelings? Result: the child may withdraw into himself and you will no longer be able to find a common language with him. So what should you do? Agree with the child by saying his words out loud. “Yes, it’s not far from the store from home, but you’re tired. I understand".
Exercises to develop communication skills
Communication is the basis of not only personal relationships, but also work ones. Communication training is useful for negotiations, team building, maintaining self-confidence, and successful sales. Communication is the foundation on which the success of any business rests.
Communication exercises and trainings are aimed at removing internal barriers. They teach confident communication skills, self-presentation, the ability to manage the flow of a conversation, find compromises, and negotiate. Collective trainings create a friendly, warm atmosphere of support and trust, which is necessary for the group to work effectively.
We have selected selected exercises to improve communication skills:
"Tell about…"
Goal: development of confident communication skills.
Each of the participants takes turns taking any object that belongs to him and asks him: “Tell me about your owner.” During the training, participants can ask questions from any field of activity.
"East market"
Goal: honing business communication skills, analyzing strategies for achieving goals
Each participant writes their name on 5 stickers. The leaves are rolled up and sent to the box. After this, everyone in turn must draw out 5 pieces of paper, and then each participant in the training must return the stickers with their name to themselves by any means.
The first one to collect a complete set of personalized stickers is declared the winner. The following is a discussion of the strategies used.
"In other words"
Goal: developing the ability to adequately convey the same idea in different words.
Participants are divided into groups of 3-5 people. After this, the presenter tells one player from each team a phrase consisting of 5-7 words. Each participant must convey the meaning of the phrase in other words to his colleague (not a single word should be repeated).
“For that guy”
Goal: training confident communication skills
Participants are divided into pairs. Everyone tells each other about themselves, after which badges are exchanged. After this, one of the pair members sits on a chair, the other stands behind him. In turn, each player is asked questions from any field of activity, the one standing behind must answer all the questions, regardless of whether he knows the exact answer or not. Finally, the person sitting on the chair must say the percentage of correct answers.
“How similar we are!”
Goal: development of contact skills
Participants are divided into pairs. Each pair must find and write down common traits and characteristics of each other as quickly as possible. Afterwards, each participant must choose another person and also find common characteristics with him. The winner is the one who first finds five common features.
After the stage of searching for common features and characteristics, a discussion begins:
- Was the exercise easy or difficult?
- How quick and easy was it to find commonalities with other participants?
- What helped you establish quick contact?
Exercises to develop communication skills are a powerful tool that helps you visually improve your ability to communicate in the shortest possible time.
How to interact as an adult with a child
The child needs to be helped to understand his feelings so that he can learn to trust his own feelings. There are several ways to help with this.
- Listen carefully to the child's words. Sometimes just sympathy helps.
- Show that you understand him. Don't criticize or challenge his words. It can only do harm. "Understand". “I would also be unpleasant/offended/sorry.”
- Call your feelings by their proper names (pain, resentment, frustration, irritation, anger, etc.). Don't be afraid, this won't cause you any harm.
- Demonstrate that you have heard the child’s wishes and show your imagination.
How to get along with someone else's child
There are times when it is necessary to establish contact with someone else's child. For example, you came to visit friends who have children, or you were asked to sit with your child for an hour. Below are some tips on how to better communicate with children to build rapport.
You should treat your child like an ordinary person, just a little one. Talk to him calmly, in a normal tone, without unnecessary lisps.
Squat or bend down so that you are at eye level with your child.
If you want to praise a child, it is better to focus on some details of clothing or a toy that he may be holding. Don't bring up anything personal, as this may make the child more shy.
Talk about his things, toys or books. Play what he wants. Don't impose your games.
Follow some fairly simple tips and you can get along with someone else's child without any problems.
Don't brag
Do not brag about anything - neither material wealth, nor the successes of your children, if you are not asked about it. Understand that the interlocutor may have a lot of serious problems and someone else’s example of happiness and success in some circumstances can only irritate.
Arrogance and pride are among the most intolerable human qualities.
How to approach teenagers
Finding a common language with a teenager is also not always easy. But it is possible to improve relationships. First of all, the child should feel loved, no matter what happens (regardless of grades at school, problems with others, etc.).
It is necessary to let the child understand that parents are the best and most faithful friends. A child should turn to mom and dad with any problem and be sure that they will support him and help him solve any problem, no matter how difficult it may be.
It is necessary to build trusting relationships, to discuss not only serious issues, but also everyday matters. Try to create a friendly, relaxed atmosphere and have fun together. Be interested in your child's hobbies, thoughts and desires. Make time for a heart-to-heart conversation. And then your child will trust you, listen to you and appreciate your advice.
Be positive and smile more often!
Enjoy every little thing, create a good mood not only for yourself, but also for other people. Everyone, of course, has enough worries, so people instinctively gravitate towards those who do not burden them with their problems, know how to enjoy life , and are able to become a ray of light in the drab everyday life.
Happy company
General language in English
Communicating in a non-native language is always difficult. In the modern world, English is a very common language. It is considered to be international. International conferences, exhibitions, and events are usually held in English. And if you just go on vacation abroad, you will have to deal with communication in English.
There is no need to be afraid that you will not be understood, be friendly, open to communication, follow all the advice regarding finding a common language, and you will not be afraid of any language barrier.
Introduce a single friend to your girlfriend
If your husband's friend is single, introduce him to your friend. If everything goes well and they like each other, you will be friends with your families.
Just try to do it without him suspecting anything. Arrange a “casual” meeting. Men don't like to be matched. Your husband's friend may not like this idea.
Don't be upset if your expectations are not met. You probably still have unmarried friends. If no one from your circle likes your husband's friend, leave him alone.
This means that he has not yet met his one and only, and you will have to come to terms with the fact that your husband has a single friend.
