What do you call a person who doesn't like talking to people?

September 12, 2018
Psychological terms
Raisa Bogacheva

What do you call a person who doesn't like talking to people? These are introverts. They are withdrawn and closed, therefore, not inclined to communicate with other people, and it is very difficult for them to establish contacts with others. Such people almost always have thoughts that others negatively discuss their every action. In fact, it is very difficult to start a conversation based on this if the only thing in your head is how the interlocutor can criticize and evaluate you. More details about what people who don’t like to communicate are called later in the article.

Like really

Everything is, in fact, far from simple. Perhaps the introvert himself often evaluates and criticizes. The whole world is hostile to him and, based on this thought, nothing good can be expected from those around him. And when a person is engaged only in discussing, criticizing and evaluating other people, then over time he begins to think that all people do the same. This is the so-called projection illusion. It helps a person not to feel lonely, and thanks to it, introverts do not crave communication so much. These individuals seem to read minds; they firmly believe that they know what is in the heads of the people around them.

How to understand this

For example, a person who does not like to communicate with people walks down the street and, stumbling, falls. As he stands up, he catches the glances of passers-by, and the first thought that is present in the introvert’s head, as a rule, is this: “Anyway, they now think that I’m an idiot.”

These individuals seem to take responsibility for the contents of other people’s heads, being confident and convinced that those who have negative thoughts that specifically affect the introvert. And the most important benefit of this illusion is that a person suffering from this illness thinks that if everyone criticizes and evaluates, this means that they are the same as the introvert himself. Thus, without realizing it, a closed person does not feel lonely.

Reasons for lack of desire to communicate

Why don't I feel like or be interested in talking to people? The main reasons why the problem occurs:

Shyness .
Lack of self-confidence or lack of social skills makes a person shy, tense and indecisive. He feels awkward in the presence of strangers, tries to avoid new contacts, does not like to appear at public events, etc. Shyness in itself is not a disadvantage. As a rule, it is characteristic of decent and emotional people. However, in modern society this psychological quality makes life very difficult. Even when meeting interesting interlocutors who evoke sympathy, a person does not find the strength to start a conversation and maintain further conversation because of the fears that constrain him.
Lack of social skills . Communication is a social process that is subject to certain rules. Communication skills are developed in a child from the first years of his life. If there were problems with socialization, then the ability to communicate with people may simply be undeveloped. In this case, difficulties arise with finding a topic for conversation, with maintaining an active dialogue, with demonstrating interest to the interlocutor, with selecting the right words, etc. Moreover, the person himself may have a high level of intelligence, a sense of humor, a rich vocabulary, and flexibility of thinking. But the lack of developed communication skills will prevent him from communicating effectively with people.
Rejection of interlocutors. Reluctance to communicate can be explained by the lack of opponents who are suitable in terms of development, views and beliefs, and spiritual qualities. If a person is forced to be in an environment that causes him rejection, his reticence is quite understandable. The lack of prospects of being understood or appreciated completely eliminates the desire to interact with others.
Emotional burnout. A similar term was introduced to assess the psychological state of individuals who, due to the characteristics of their professional activities or living conditions, lose interest in the world around them.
Typically, people whose professional activities involve constant communication, a high degree of responsibility, and the need to provide assistance and empathy are susceptible to burnout.
Social service workers, doctors, teachers often do not feel the desire to communicate with people due to an overabundance of social interactions during working hours.
Introversion . Introverts prefer to immerse themselves in a world of reflection and imagination. Their own thoughts, reasoning and ideas concern them much more than the surrounding reality. People with pronounced introversion do not feel a special need for communication, since their inner world is enough for them. They don’t get bored when alone, but on the contrary, they feel absolutely comfortable and natural.

Fear of evaluation

There are many types of fear: evaluations, consequences, loss of comfort, fear of not being recognized, fear of loss of significance and others. An introvert has everything, but most of all, of course, fear of evaluation. Each time, acting as fear wants, a person stews in it more and more, and each time in a similar situation, fear intensifies and a process begins that leads to isolation, closedness and hatred of the whole world.

Fear simply permeates the entire essence of such people, but they can fiercely deny it and throw anger at it. This illusion is a direct negation. For example, a mother asks her son: “Why did you stop communicating with people?”, and he told her: “They are all idiots, they are not interesting to me!” And it's not even cheating! If you combine anger with fear, then you end up with something similar to what was said.

Fearing the activities of the surrounding world, the introvert’s brain does not allow him to admit that he is afraid of any rustle, but putting a ton of anger on top of this fear is much more comfortable, and the tension will not be as hellish as when realizing that a person is simply afraid to talk to a stranger .

Fear of Rejection

Approach a girl and try, maybe, to get to know her? An introvert will not have such thoughts and subsequent actions. He clearly says to himself: “She will say no, no matter what.” And, it seems, what’s so difficult about taking it and approaching it. And even if there is a refusal, what bad will happen? The world will not collapse! But an introvert doesn't think so.

And he will explain everything to himself in any case, forcing him to make sure that it was the right action - it’s simply easier to move away than to risk approaching a girl, hearing “no,” aggravating his emotional state and adding a dose of tension. But it could have happened completely differently: a person would have approached, started getting to know each other, started a conversation, and everything would have been just fine. But fear prevents such actions from being performed.

Test: Do you have a telephone phobia?

Although talking on the phone seems mundane to most people, for someone who suffers from phone anxiety, it is a source of great stress.

To check if you suffer from this phobia, answer the following questions.

1. Do you feel anxious before or after a phone call?

2. Do you put off calling because you're worried?

3. Are you afraid to disturb another person on the phone?

4. Do you think about what you will say on the phone?

5. Are you worried about being awkward during a conversation?

6. Do you avoid telephone conversations and force others to call?

7. How long do you think about what you said after the call?

8. When you talk on the phone, do you experience any of these symptoms:

shiver
difficulty concentrating
nausea
increased pulse and heart rate

If you answer “Yes” to at least one of these questions, then you have a fear of talking on the phone.

Does an introvert really not like to communicate?

Wikipedia says that an introvert does not like communication, this is a false statement. Everyone loves to communicate, it’s just that a person who does not like to communicate with people has reached such a stage that he simply cannot admit his desire to make contact with others. He tells himself day after day about how bad everything is around him, and therefore he doesn’t seem to need communication, based on the fact that everyone is an idiot. Self-deception is what introverts do most of the time, denying and not accepting help from anyone. What for? Everything is fine with them, and, accordingly, they do not need assistance. There are many reasons why they reason and do the right thing, but at this stage they lack common sense.

I don’t want to communicate with people: why don’t I want to communicate with others?

If you have no desire to communicate with people, attend various events, be in crowded places, meet friends, go to the cinema with colleagues after work, answer questions from a neighbor on the landing or conduct a non-binding dialogue in line, then do not you should immediately diagnose yourself with “sociopathy”, “social phobia” or “misanthropy”, just as you should not think badly about yourself, blame yourself that there is something wrong with you, that you are much worse than other people and etc. Thoughtless diagnosis or self-abuse will not help you in any way, but will only worsen the situation: the desire to contact others will not appear, but your mood will deteriorate even more, and your self-esteem will fall below the baseboard. With this approach, you will want to lock the front door and never go outside again!

Let the diagnoses be made by specialists who have the necessary knowledge, they get paid for it. If you feel that the situation is critical, and your reluctance to communicate with other people makes you suffer on the physical, mental, and spiritual levels, then you should not put off visiting a psychologist. Sometimes it is really impossible to do without the help of a qualified specialist, so the sooner you make an appointment with him, the better. In all other cases, you can try to figure it out yourself and take the necessary measures to change the situation for the better.

Why don't you want to communicate with people? There is no universal answer to this question. Some people from a very early age experience discomfort in the process of interaction with their closest relatives, some get tired of communication very quickly and want to find themselves on a desert island, some are prevented from finding a common language with their interlocutor by childhood psychological traumas, some do not. knows how to build personal boundaries and protect them, some find it difficult to communicate with people after a toxic relationship, while others simply do not know how to behave in society.

Each of us has our own reasons and motives, many of which are hidden in the subconscious. You may think that you don’t want to communicate with people because you are not interested in them, but a feeling of self-doubt and an inferiority complex prevents you from contacting others. You are afraid of saying something wrong and disgracing yourself in front of witnesses, which is why you prefer to think that everything around you is a gray and boring substance.

Or a relationship with a toxic person has exhausted you so much that you are afraid to meet representatives of the opposite sex (having been burned by milk, you start blowing water) and build new relationships, so you prefer to think that “there are no normal men left” or “all women are mercantile cheaters "

These are just a few examples, but they clearly demonstrate how people, having hidden the true reasons and motives in the subconscious, deceive themselves and wishful thinking. In order to have a desire to communicate with others, you first need to delve into the unconscious and extract the true motives and reasons from there. While the skeletons are sawing away in your closet, you won't have room for new clothes!

Is complete isolation necessary?

Common sense is a useful skill or trait in a person that makes it possible to correctly assess a situation and act correctly. Sitting closed from everyone, a person does not understand that he has a problem. He explained everything to himself in such colors that everything was just perfect, but if he took any actions that would bring him back into society, it would be just hell.

It is difficult to help a person who rejects that very help. Although there are still introverts who find the strength to look at themselves honestly and accept the help of a psychiatrist.

In complete isolation there is only degradation, and any introvert is heading there. Even if he locks himself in his apartment and reads (this can’t be called degradation), he has a high risk of mental changes, because it is impossible to develop without contact with society.

The process of losing common sense occurs slowly, but it is almost impossible to restore it. Over time, strange thoughts can materialize into actions that can cause irreparable damage to the introvert himself or even to those around him.

What qualities does an introvert have?

There is a tree of character defects that is studied in institutes where psychology is taught. In the pillar itself is fear. And under the roots there are 3 significant aspects:

hypersensitivity;
idealism;
perfectionism.

Most likely, in a person who does not like to communicate with people, it is hypersensitivity that predominates most of all. He thinks that everyone around him wants to offend him, hurt him, hurt him, but this has already been written about. And all this comes from life, when the process of becoming an introvert was just beginning.

All the insults they received were very hard for them to bear, and these feelings were simply beyond his control. And being in them for a long time makes a person embittered. Every text heard towards a person who is predisposed to become an introvert is processed by his brain, taken out of context, and fantasy comes into play. A person begins to think that they want to hurt and hurt him. And so every time! They may not even try to do this to him, but he becomes more and more offended and stops communicating. Such constant experiences encourage an introvert to move away from society in order to be alone with himself. There seems to be nothing wrong with just being alone. But this is not controlled. If today an introvert wants to be alone for 1 hour, then in a year he may not be able to stand an hour in society.

Closedness and withdrawal can also manifest themselves not only because of something far-fetched, but also because of negative experiences gained in the past. For example, when wanting to get acquainted, an introvert heard not only a refusal, but also something bad that could, accordingly, hurt him greatly.

What you call a person who doesn’t like to communicate is no longer a secret. And it is very important not to allow real or imagined grievances to guide our actions.

About introverts

Who is an introvert?

An introvert is a person who is drained by social interaction and recharged by being alone.

This is a person who prefers a calm environment with a minimum amount of external stimuli.

The first thing to understand is that each of us has our own communication style and innate energy focus. For example, introverts
tend to direct their energy inward
into their larger inner world.

They gain energy by reflecting and analyzing emotions and thoughts.
Loneliness is not a burden for them; they learn by thinking, developing their interests and maintaining close relationships with a narrow circle of people. Introverts prefer to communicate primarily through writing, and they are very sensitive to their space and personal life.

Extroverts, on the other hand, direct their energy outward, receiving it through interactions with other people and through action. They enjoy being the center of attention, generate ideas by discussing and thinking their thoughts out loud, try to express themselves in one way or another, learn by doing, and maintain a wide circle of friends.